《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。/ o; Z: t7 `5 k1 k9 U2 t
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
1 T  ?5 e( R+ W- y* z' P" b2 oHolmes: I just picked it up.# e, N9 t, d: n* A/ z
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）$ B; E; O) H% r& t( c+ u, Z3 q# s
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.  Y: G6 `& @2 a! z
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）# j2 O& ^5 C' |
Holmes: You did.
) ~' _7 s; E( [7 B, Q9 l( j3 k8 L（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
# d; ]6 r# k$ |" v1 A+ D" GHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.$ ~- w& Z; K# u) G" {' @/ b
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
  Y$ v5 x  ~4 T0 j* B' }Watson: Permission to enter the armory.: c3 ]% y$ \) h: @! S
Holmes: Granted.
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* D1 r" r+ V4 ^8 I6 K晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
; ~' h/ L6 b" Q8 V5 BWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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! m$ Q* O' W' [7 s拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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3 b0 \% R) U" r6 kWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。: O, ?* A8 N# p1 u; B
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）1 h' w2 W  O9 m! c( O& j
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. u# b# k( G- G# PHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。7 |( A1 @0 H- Q3 V" I
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。: Y: D5 U  V# v# m$ c6 S. t3 Y" ^
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" G/ U; Z' ^9 n" FIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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) H& ^9 c+ d& `1 \& ~( E4 VIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?, |' M# Q7 S) J- _
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）- `9 p, o- D& r2 }/ e3 r' |/ O. U
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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5 ]0 U8 H' d$ z9 s# RIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
7 S3 {  l+ c( |. Q1 [! {Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
  B/ R4 f& {0 ?1 T- S/ \2 _7 U2 ~$ }Watson: Get that out of my face.
. q2 o6 k/ {( ^9 `! U* W% W; ]6 }Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
1 B0 I; F- a" q8 Q2 RWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
! |3 O& B' J4 @2 B" P路人警官Clarky上场。
* [2 D3 V1 Q. \, w$ I- l7 r7 qClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once./ ~# L3 t& c, W+ C
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）# w: b7 e6 b% W( f- d% }: L; u
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。0 t% M8 I$ A1 }9 c6 K. @
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
  x* z  b* a* q6 c' q! w& z* N1 uHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.( E' N0 E  A! J" y$ z' \0 X
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& {( ?" O& p% V9 ~墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
8 u- n+ ]8 A+ H- N8 C% e- T( B（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
; R4 A+ T) A1 YHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
* T" X2 r. ]+ k2 k& [, n+ b! ^Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）0 B3 H5 k3 C4 ^; r. H" u
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。: ?/ l8 x2 `8 n! k
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）% a, W) a3 U& r% B  l2 Z& @$ W
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…6 Z8 _2 a6 M6 v1 g" u, H3 `* m
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）) ^8 E7 @7 `  y1 ~1 f. C
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
& ]6 h3 A- C" `- M. m7 QHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
& c: _9 X+ G5 I后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。" @* [' D7 l! i# d9 ^4 v& B
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
  c( @9 d$ \, ?) XLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.6 r: K2 Q. J! t- r( n4 N: ]) P
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。. }5 f6 D9 J1 N- Y7 B1 \& n9 _
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
8 X; H, b  A( P' ?Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
( q7 K3 W0 T  u8 g, xWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）2 ^  }9 C" S8 m
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）, c0 Z1 p6 l! Z$ B3 f
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?; O7 x; Q: P! N
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）7 w" V& n: J3 w* x, R2 t  N5 H
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）8 e. E3 b) k  V
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
; B" ~# Y1 |& b5 b) x; cHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）, C3 X8 x- M! x- P. l: q2 ^
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）( C! @1 z0 J5 G: I8 J) i; ^2 ^9 }
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）1 W2 B+ v% b/ p$ A, S& L2 t
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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! |1 m. H" ?' ~& x. m( l% d" \总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……