《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。& h# c) B0 j+ _# X) j" `$ z
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- {5 ~7 b; ]1 n3 ]- V7 h影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
6 O3 p: {0 h) f' lWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
( ~( Z' g' D9 K4 \& K% UHolmes: I just picked it up.9 a. [4 W, X! F* ]
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
0 H8 Y& T4 D  t: X" DHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
5 m5 l! J) [) l1 G0 {% a' d2 dWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）8 i3 P+ v! e: ?5 W  W, {4 |
Holmes: You did.
. y6 c& c; P- r# ]" M（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）; b# F: t( C/ ]" F' k6 n% K
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.8 o  a6 J* b5 M* ^  Q! b3 r
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
' @5 H+ S- v, G. X6 Y3 u5 \" s5 }Watson: Permission to enter the armory.) w+ W8 K' I$ B0 C. a
Holmes: Granted.3 @9 V0 n- {/ I0 V$ k+ _
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3 M  X0 X  V1 O; I晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
# J% T! X! U0 t" s1 E; ^  ~/ b# CWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）4 x. A% P' f6 ~  p' z+ r' l( j
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。8 r( N; Z. R& i
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3 I  v+ [; ~* ?4 v- nWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
6 Q% b8 ?6 n, b' h; m- }Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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: x/ _6 E* a3 W3 u% DHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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: z$ a% ~) r5 x5 C8 _5 K% YIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。1 D( S0 y  m7 |. I5 J9 G2 e$ S
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
4 u' m! a3 F, u2 T, Y' D! n# \# uIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?8 N# o. y) g! X; p, J+ k
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）+ }9 G; d' [  N, M, o
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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. i6 a2 i* ~8 N4 Z/ GIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
, `: L' \) W) x2 }1 }- OHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）" b4 p& ~. @; J- H+ b
Watson: Get that out of my face.+ B; o: M9 x3 `
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.3 a' }! W8 b' }3 O
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
$ \: i6 R# w; H8 ]" z, ~% }% `# z. e- p路人警官Clarky上场。
6 j) @! ]# a' l3 T; }) `, L5 _Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.! v$ `- T  b5 p8 y* \4 H3 Q
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
- B$ H$ _5 O0 i, ^$ i, m得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
1 W2 F0 S& _" w. nWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?6 q# ]7 V6 w& Y, O" b6 f" \! P4 _
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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& p) Y. ~# `! ~- u, j& x墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
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Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.! S! V. ~- V) d; x6 e
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）/ L$ a& [9 \3 i6 q3 M" B* X) W
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
4 |; b) j, z) d; fHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
3 r6 f8 N3 s" R( y$ bBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
) h3 |6 B0 J. x. o5 X+ BWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
3 D# e2 W* G7 d2 [, X  ?9 v7 a+ _死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。1 K  Z/ F; Z& ?/ R# i
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）! Z0 M" F! A& _& s% v: q: D
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
, @9 {  s& d' U( z; }3 y5 K, lHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
" B  s9 h7 n: @& i) `7 FLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
! _, w2 A0 O/ L: n: \话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。3 m- j) _4 |3 P" l4 ^  a8 t
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）; Z" }5 w7 n5 n
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）$ @/ A! P7 C* @
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）* p. ~. {0 T& a: G* c9 l; d5 V
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?, E) a6 ^4 @9 Z, j
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）0 S! L5 ?  Q9 A4 h
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
# \" X  c" y: z# L; h# p! y2 }Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
- a( j' Y* ?2 j9 K: T' w6 C; O: IHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
# S" I! V% B2 [8 s$ XWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
; e8 c  m/ w! PMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
* Y% l" i5 N$ D（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）* E: Q/ D1 Z* l: ?  O
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% o1 S5 X( O+ _* G$ b4 `+ \总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……