《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。: v3 N* I) I) k
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% m: H$ {% ^( q# m# c; [' P影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。8 u$ Z0 K" k+ f& N) `
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
+ L# T4 R- p' q# iHolmes: I just picked it up.
  m' X+ j- q: M. N' `* j. N" w# pWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）5 I2 x/ o7 E2 \- T/ m* Z" |
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.  r8 b( J* R0 e4 H
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
. x; |! W: Q% u9 xHolmes: You did.
8 y3 q- [; J7 z9 F! n（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）8 Y9 s' Z! \: D) {- Q. ]! m
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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, Y1 T! D& {/ C3 D( ^宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。( t: i- a8 y- J9 i5 p
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
# I: W! f, @- b" N: \- G3 V* V, WHolmes: Granted.
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3 n) i3 q9 i& U8 E晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。7 I0 Z4 p# f' x2 A0 e0 ~) V- d
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）& w: W+ q& e( Z) g) G5 X
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( @9 a) U4 R7 ]! ]- t; [8 F( Z拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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+ L2 ?- P' K- a) CWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
3 V: P& B, a4 S( Z; RWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）. U. P" X8 F/ e9 ~2 c4 o% K( U
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。1 _* J' [/ c5 z4 t$ [0 ^
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3 E  E# k) g/ U6 DIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。* B4 @! C. P6 L4 V! f
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）3 Y% g. ^9 h9 v( C, S
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
! J  R) ~+ c1 G  t5 [- @Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
" q! g' i& c" f& b: f2 C- fIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。  w% h4 Q8 Z$ K% q! \" B
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
/ P8 Y' O" C0 A: G( E# MWatson: Get that out of my face.
$ ?* n5 R1 y7 H1 |" k% }: |Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
' H6 J4 n, y+ ]Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
! F( }7 G8 |& x2 F# H路人警官Clarky上场。2 C9 d- G) f( I0 Y
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
/ o& y: |2 D4 cHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）+ d2 i: o) C- B: ]' s, C/ s% L
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
, g9 Z2 z' |6 UWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
. m3 b6 n- U5 O: v8 s: E. c4 SHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.* Q( |) x+ a; E- L. @# s+ J
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7 O4 T+ e. Z% n" K0 R6 e. Y% T: A墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
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Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
. {7 o. _0 Q& y3 I! ^1 d- x9 UWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
! c0 ]$ S. a5 @/ j; v6 j( dHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）+ v. N; c  J" m
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
5 i& N- x/ {  p4 t+ H8 b  Z* FWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）) s$ o- O& t* @4 F
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
' w& I7 X3 e+ [" C% WHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
% a, ~& h6 H: H2 k$ U0 c后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
% r: o9 `1 J# k& ^' Q* HHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）( i3 M% a6 i( ^! s9 c* C; v
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
+ m. ^- ]0 o% v1 H$ y: Y" k3 JLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.7 a$ d$ l( w) n
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。; @3 s' f1 _2 o: [" j1 @1 ^
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。- Y1 }7 F- s; k" C0 |. \/ s& C$ y# ^
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
! E' @2 v3 O- gWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
  u% r, |* A/ B. c  hHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）1 N8 y) w8 F, L9 l* s; n7 k; E0 C
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
, o: @& u$ g1 vWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）$ f, ?, {: q, A# z0 l! H2 ]
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）6 \7 d( q& T( Y; ^3 J- P/ W/ c
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
5 |4 T$ L6 w1 J6 OHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
! w4 o$ o/ y) |Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）- Z, K+ O1 k! H+ o( q2 ^3 E( c
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
" C+ {9 h/ c7 f2 y; e; r* o（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）# ]2 Q- {! }, i6 A* {. }: q
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……