《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。0 ~+ P) C; `6 M/ Z
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。* p* n' M1 x3 E) I! F
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）, @: R/ J. y) R& T4 y0 [
Holmes: I just picked it up., ?( G! `9 \! C! [  z
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
. X; c# _( N$ `5 w5 ?) w& b$ EHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
4 h# T; M9 a* R$ ]4 b8 {Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
/ b, s8 C+ J' K+ y, o6 hHolmes: You did.
. e, j5 G% _0 g5 f8 f" x（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）- g+ ^+ ~7 o/ \
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.0 n" F  x: W. M+ F# T4 u7 u$ c
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。6 m+ @8 X2 D. v( B" L; M
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.3 g7 K; l# @- ~4 g% N# j* i
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
0 [& ^; V  o1 q- E, @Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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) t  l- @2 N4 F拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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) \$ B! C8 U% T' A2 S" ZWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。- G3 y0 v" \$ V8 j9 p* V3 k& Q
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）0 k5 S1 P& l2 [9 z" {% `/ ]$ e- P' S
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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; Y' q1 c9 Y! t* I; x6 }Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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) t( ^, o7 m  H0 UIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?2 v& c$ R2 }6 J0 `& f, b
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
8 R5 f3 q# q. z1 G: y9 R; yIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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  U1 `; ^) Y& v5 NIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。5 T7 t" R2 q9 r1 v1 z+ \. X' j. Q6 n
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）! ^- }# t. B/ l7 N8 [
Watson: Get that out of my face.
% k1 S+ s6 Y2 b7 p( J6 O3 SHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.9 G8 {4 U8 ~- u6 C" x
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.& @1 O; m$ W8 G. Z2 s
路人警官Clarky上场。- m6 k1 k, x7 s. T
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.& }' `* N& P' O# V
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
+ z& U5 `9 u5 z, m" @& t0 d得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。2 |$ a5 h& S0 l+ i
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?; {3 }  a# a9 R  r! @
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
: i7 G7 N) w  e$ b  j（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）" P6 `3 j& N' b8 Y+ C
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
) i- |5 k2 y; o- b4 O, TWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）" J% `$ a0 X' z+ w! w8 V% M
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。1 q% }% a5 G: q1 w! a
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
0 m, w) r* p$ O0 d5 T/ }7 c) k, [Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…" a( b' u( {) K# k! @6 F
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
! G* d2 I* R2 W2 l9 ?' {" \死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
) I3 g5 E$ t; ^5 IHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）6 |  [; a$ E4 ^% }: @$ S
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。/ Z% m4 ?+ r* Y. Z7 i+ Y. ]
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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( i% H' N" V+ g6 ^2 c! q警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
6 [' A- j$ K2 f. F+ pLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.- ~: f" d. N7 Q3 v; _) H9 i, G
13.
: O1 r/ a) K9 Y* n; s5 O+ e接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。0 ?& {  g- `/ V
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。. z4 R8 N- V9 e5 t( e% W8 c
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）" k( x0 ]! q' h; }& v/ @
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）0 O5 `: F) I+ J, L* `
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
& H1 O" c! C$ r3 P; X. d, lMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?: r4 |( {8 r; T2 }8 ^$ J* F- ^
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
2 x2 y" G6 ^$ B# xHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
0 r" r3 |8 v+ |9 G9 ^Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
; C; S$ K9 r8 G! I" t# O) sHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
1 X. T9 @* @/ a+ D8 P: IWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
6 z* t# M  z& @( a) WMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
% j+ |6 D& A; _1 m% d0 ]2 e（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……