《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。# g' x( _' x* p2 @; d
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0 P  U2 F* e# n1 l% ~) c4 q% ]影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。1 T! X: b4 e3 l
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
2 P. ?# j2 Z, m1 M+ U. A- ^Holmes: I just picked it up.7 W% i2 |$ ?1 o! V
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
0 V5 G9 Z& ~, }4 X' d9 u! n# [# y! rHolmes: Knew I forgot something.. e# K; X( J' i' V! G' y$ `
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）& X! O) M$ ~" T+ i
Holmes: You did.
, f& \* D$ v% H/ ^  c$ W7 i3 ^（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）; e) ~$ z, `4 t
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.' d7 M$ y5 D4 q: C5 u- g" x, ~8 d* L
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6 e0 F/ }7 [4 ~% U; B宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
  p8 @- k) C+ `8 Q2 g) b" KWatson: Permission to enter the armory.) i4 @5 i" B" K* r$ K
Holmes: Granted.
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( t8 |! S( G# @: V9 \3 i- s# d晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。+ j2 H5 ?/ E& `/ K9 ]- N
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）# y6 Y6 o8 a- x, u( y* Z$ l
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。0 n! d2 I, e: U
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( O$ k3 X  G, W+ D9 V: \# DWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。1 z. f0 H* E1 a
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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0 z  I3 L1 V4 B$ s9 E3 c* KHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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4 Y9 Y: p3 r3 CBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。. K8 {$ n2 S+ N7 O+ ?; h- O9 O) C
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0 j! V  W/ z+ A! d/ E! MIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
2 P7 z3 c1 n; S  |! l6 k（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
5 ^( g& s3 v- m7 f2 ]Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
% r# O/ ?/ v: h3 G% sHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）. p9 M0 D3 x% \- U
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.: l/ A6 D; n! h2 B
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/ V* Z3 E) V1 a$ jIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。" J( R5 S' n  P) D7 U
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
+ K+ [; ?- d# P: h9 Q7 x5 FWatson: Get that out of my face.
( q% X9 ^# Q+ `. v$ n2 M, X0 AHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
+ C2 H: x, N6 U0 T" {& H* T8 jWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
& S& U8 A' U1 ]8 a0 Q: {, l路人警官Clarky上场。
+ C$ X$ U  R5 M: U1 vClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
* Q& x2 y5 C+ L* T! aHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
( v) |0 x: o: t6 \, R: n5 r% Y得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
/ v" g* I1 j) p4 fWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
* n+ U9 e: x2 S1 PHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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0 R  i7 ?8 l, ^' d! {* K) h  T墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
" u  H0 p8 o9 _% M% Y+ j3 y# U2 S（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
: _4 `" S# p8 IHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
6 G) I2 Y, l# ~6 i0 L% _1 {# fWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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5 o& M6 r; m& d8 H2 t( W, C* D河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。$ S' Z3 C  y6 N7 u1 V- ~
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
( ~/ E; R, v0 lBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…& b0 E/ m. S% n0 e
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
/ j  g$ `3 U5 z7 o$ z" w+ Y死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。2 y+ D( v) |$ z0 t9 l* I: ]) u1 D# o, H
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
: `# Y& M- z. ^后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。3 p5 e. t' i8 f
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。; b( ?0 w% p# }' K) ?2 e$ i
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。/ S4 m8 k* A3 m* U: ^# J( C! b; H
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。; }2 f3 D& i0 v; b
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
, Y* b! |7 S- Z8 nWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）& Q, Q. a) G% e( ~" T
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
- b# w$ C  D7 ^5 @: P* g; k9 fMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?! t) M  j* R3 H, \3 S+ z& D
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
  {' N! m1 p) l' [( @Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）, r3 Z' B5 K5 _6 Z( j5 M
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）) \  I2 O. \: |! V- T7 O
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
0 A% q2 o* g7 C; \3 i4 D0 G# dWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
# D! d0 U. @# CMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）+ l$ P: C5 n2 b: N) Q
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）6 _7 a" k+ M1 r& N7 Z  D. E
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. d1 D1 P7 |6 T) `* X4 E! z总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……