《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。* I  G; e9 Q( M: t7 h5 S# S8 h! Q4 ?
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
- Y  G/ z) R  RHolmes: I just picked it up.; H+ G" r  U; e. o
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）; x( P! X+ e1 K! z
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.. H' o, s( a2 b: ~' K- ?
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）1 e# U& l! m$ K2 e0 z# z) _, r
Holmes: You did.9 q" y. S: b+ k; [6 t
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
9 `7 r( q+ l& \2 W; bHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.$ C  \$ B" ~2 f  ?/ p' Y
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
9 F0 e9 d" g) \7 K$ f' yWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
+ x1 Y# q% R$ N/ NHolmes: Granted.
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" C* W) u1 Y# {1 r- I- D晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
$ n* e! k9 U' }Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）- d+ u7 ^( c8 i0 |
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+ f6 G% _6 X! _3 W  h7 }拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。, I) u. H7 l5 J
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
& j2 H+ f2 v8 L% t1 n$ T" ^Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）" X5 Z  F: p+ F8 ^2 U
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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8 i+ K8 \% R# O; c" _Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。; _+ p2 _0 T. q2 M
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。+ F1 U, O6 y% [! s5 h) W1 \+ j1 L. s* ^, g
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
0 h! H4 {6 Q' O& p9 y! D+ [Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
( P+ y. v4 u. }& rHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）7 k# Y/ A) e7 l% ?
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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( j9 z5 g- S, QIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
2 I7 x7 [/ G# o% b% O% SHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
4 q" u; p, c6 v' @- Y  ^Watson: Get that out of my face.
$ c  n* A% R, V  n5 B7 S$ ^2 t1 uHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
! A/ y9 n' d$ a8 J' nWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.$ a1 h; T% T) m0 y, p( e
路人警官Clarky上场。& G! R. V6 {2 T& U  h% u& c) q
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.2 G( L' W& W/ ]1 b
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
% `2 H6 J% L0 N- N得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。: B9 r2 b0 o% z6 x1 `  ]
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
, M! K( K  }$ q2 v5 rHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.( D0 R3 R6 \# V9 _) Z* g: S
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。  {0 c7 f4 ]8 Y2 h" z
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
# L; o" U1 A+ @! K' CHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.. `' M$ `% u1 |7 V3 B- t- F( Q
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）8 N6 H* a1 U0 |% [3 `* ?
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( ?% d& x) L* j; r/ `河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
- |3 V9 V9 m' R. {Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
/ u5 C, N5 e/ y" F3 DBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
: o7 U1 C; `/ Z  r% Q3 X$ L# ~( z5 Y7 Q( o, ^Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）" r% U0 Z8 f& Q& `/ H9 ]$ y
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。# B' L. a1 Q( s, r/ Q1 R6 w, `% k
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
2 H) [* M2 k7 @7 n# d后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
4 T) y1 ?6 i+ z$ u+ ]Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
* m, d0 j. y- j& h1 @Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.) W5 V: Y" s' b" m- G2 l6 I
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。8 a) r1 L3 j2 g6 q8 ~! U9 f# o: ~
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。  F0 ?2 K4 W" ^
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）0 \* c6 H; G* @" z" W
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
$ F: Z9 ^5 v% P* K! ^% WHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）  G3 K4 e9 r: k9 }% I+ O$ T
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
+ Q+ U4 Y: x; |. y' l) n1 t% WWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）5 x3 l5 T6 P- D( a1 z
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）% k) n' w# ]4 O6 Z* K1 f
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）& p! O! g: L9 Z" J: ]6 E
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）1 q# B( }/ ~3 w2 e
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）3 B0 j7 c, p+ }2 l
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）3 z; S" {, [' ]
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）* E0 c' m6 M0 z" c
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……