《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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' G7 N+ \3 V' n( U! A; w5 f影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
6 u# ^5 [" ^5 o5 U8 nWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
: r) i/ Y* j) bHolmes: I just picked it up.
) u1 ^# P6 _% E1 ]+ n/ B& I# ~2 w! @Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）! I% L& K2 p2 H5 j4 {; j
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.4 @- {$ k4 ~4 ]8 i  H% v
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）& J1 a  |6 z6 }
Holmes: You did.
0 Q) v0 e$ X, \8 z& v2 Z+ G（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
0 o# [1 r0 m2 oHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
) L1 W: B8 u" ]4 W* `/ o3 p& c8 |+ KWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
5 [- @9 q2 \* H* |. _% r) {Holmes: Granted.6 T: E8 B9 i- M5 X
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5 N& o- y5 g5 X, ]: @晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。1 A* u' A4 b' S" x4 G& F7 f2 [
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）& j. o* @# [- F, u0 M. ?4 s! o
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, o, N) K1 v/ W: m" k1 _% k- G拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。! A; ~$ b' c4 x  z7 I+ ~& j
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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. o) q! y# C' h  D; LHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。7 t# N. s* a4 P0 R% Y
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。% O! U5 ^, U9 j" F$ I
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）4 n( S3 l8 v; y) G3 P' \
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
' w' t  F  w. `. G3 E; o: l* U" gHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
: S& G. W. u) [* u, h1 U1 [, rIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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2 Q! D" B' D, Z; [: E$ y6 ]Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
8 G% E7 q3 j5 |- L  A" SHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）  K. L& C% j. w; n
Watson: Get that out of my face.; y1 y# T$ o6 }; x) i/ @% J
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
- c$ Z3 \6 H% Q! dWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.% K6 V" w" `6 h
路人警官Clarky上场。! l% K4 I, W6 c5 X. [1 [. a; D! h  G
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once./ h7 K$ F, {0 Z8 ?( U7 I
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）- _* T$ t4 q: x# u5 X
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
1 j& K( U) W) U) U* N) ?  qWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
' H" j2 R3 i" c" jHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.4 M% [* P9 X# C, ]0 A
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。- H" x. c" p; ^' X
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
+ }- R2 W. I1 f3 D2 THolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.7 B+ @9 y/ G+ R( z
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）3 _7 p( g1 S% u
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1 ]' G$ K; {; ?$ [+ |  [河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。& u5 @! v' V+ @& J, A
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
. Y/ ^" N9 e/ Z& L) e( rBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…- s' A& Z, u: v( ?1 j2 j
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）; s2 X, n% F1 e$ N- u9 r) v
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。. T/ |2 W2 N4 H. D  ^3 ~2 S
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）4 H! j' G7 p( E6 G
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。6 G% [6 a& o% c: W7 g
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）. f0 d" z1 C$ F4 K: m
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
) s) m' q" e  h6 T% Y2 aLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.* }3 l( ~5 K4 Q7 W
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( s( ^; A& Y; u9 I3 g" D& o接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
2 C2 e/ \! F2 s话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
; {8 o( R  H& J% n$ j; f4 KHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）! d8 I& O* w  h7 @* d
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
8 K- _3 y# v, V2 g% X4 j0 OHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）" s# y! n6 w/ n! g9 n6 Y: K
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?; e% x: B5 T; y; `* w0 r" L
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
9 @! P/ x7 s. Y% i( nHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
  F, A+ r" q7 x' O4 |3 c% LWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）2 W+ F. N) a% d# Z
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
; f! R& J: s3 W& jWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
. _; E7 q' {$ E7 }9 A. J, {Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
. h& ^  p) x- q% n（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）; b! P2 i1 K0 i5 y$ B4 F* s
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……