《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。  r% l, o8 B3 |  b) j0 y1 n: c3 k
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
, z$ o" w  P9 jWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）% a$ D, Z7 O. y( c. `+ u' x, ?
Holmes: I just picked it up.
/ t2 x) u7 k6 k# O) B6 G6 wWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）7 w, I6 s; [# Q. ^( W8 j
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
" ^9 `2 ~/ p9 M, V- fWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
4 j% U) b0 x% z# f2 j1 A& }4 N$ UHolmes: You did.
2 d; c. a$ ?/ I, t( I' y（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
( {: L+ h( K; f( OHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.1 Y8 a8 N/ m2 j" ~) Q' l  Z
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7 X; P1 T/ `9 y) `4 x; Z. X宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
% ^: R! [" F4 xWatson: Permission to enter the armory.! C) k" y3 D6 S
Holmes: Granted.5 c6 l) s# y7 E$ n+ h: K
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
- k' b+ ~) K) v7 LWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）  y- q7 A# E2 \6 R
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( Q1 H4 o. g, n- ^$ g. ^( ?$ ?, W* g拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
* Q5 g$ v% Z+ l9 d" }/ R% ZWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。' P- w- n$ N! c  ^. f
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7 l+ \5 R+ \5 bBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。+ F- g! [9 J. H) M) ~9 c
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: q, k: Q" {, h4 t" |) bIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。; I1 z) W+ V% w( T- B+ z7 T
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）( n/ O0 o3 h; |! u5 L  P
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
# f9 U2 m! a# f6 ZHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）: f$ ?+ H- e/ a0 }' |. K2 t' K: q
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。; [0 `, S. m4 L# g0 k6 ^2 _
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
9 @% K; }+ j7 z9 N! S" WWatson: Get that out of my face.
3 q6 ]7 L6 E+ U  WHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.. X/ F4 p: z6 q% u- Z
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.; t' _, r) `2 n1 d
路人警官Clarky上场。" D4 n1 Q+ `  L2 ]
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
1 h( n( n9 O/ J; S; bHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
' E8 \8 U+ S' f得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
1 _" q8 u3 ]% g( mWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?8 ]# k1 _1 C) }$ Z# c$ c: D& ~
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.1 v3 S2 g+ W2 y; M1 s. R  i$ J( ?
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1 l% ~" _% E+ M1 m& e) F, G墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
$ s6 `" i9 L8 n& g/ F* [（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）0 R9 x- U+ i/ k2 d! J
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.  L  T6 D+ u9 V8 j4 A
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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5 Y  W/ K% Z* k6 I' L' U河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
6 e+ p; }( P* m) ?9 _# |1 P& SHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
' m* d/ o5 Z$ b% t! IBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
; j* W! Q4 L% F+ z- x4 WWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）+ ?& g. E- b1 o! d" o; v2 N
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
6 {/ j' T3 s& }# K+ R+ ]3 rHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）$ Z# o# L/ @, f3 D) J: \& J% w- ~
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。; z5 Y! g8 P9 [
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
$ U& z9 Z9 r* M) q: \# E" W+ t% E) @Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.1 K2 b1 G0 D9 H1 q* E
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0 k9 `  V: ]2 [& f接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
) O) h4 q' }% u3 h/ v' Y0 p* F. {话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
( e6 @. ^; b% xHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
( F  a# Y9 d4 {5 IWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
  j' |7 j1 H2 o) x& A# j9 W, D3 nHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
! M/ p8 Q$ m2 E. K3 SMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
& a' Z" J& r7 _Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）6 b! l( j* @0 L4 a  ]
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
8 _8 e2 w4 }+ e& a7 A- hWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
% b# R+ ?7 @* l* u$ t( J8 qHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）8 H* U+ ~/ _7 k9 o2 G5 Q
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
2 F0 y7 ~" I2 _& ~: |( [4 HMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）: [5 D. i9 R% ?/ b) Z# K% Z+ U2 h6 O1 P
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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/ u0 N+ i. \# }! U6 _9 I% e2 Y% t总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……