《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。4 L, W0 e3 M; [+ e6 r0 `
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0 v: p9 H' }$ p6 b8 P' W影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。; d0 F: O* L5 j2 I7 U- U
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
/ W7 M# @# N6 H$ c7 LHolmes: I just picked it up.
3 U% G* h$ P3 F$ E, mWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
& {% T/ n& l8 I$ t/ ^" p) R/ cHolmes: Knew I forgot something.6 X1 S- s2 P- E8 s4 j- E! Q
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
6 e; a) ~$ ]9 m% K* RHolmes: You did.+ }8 w$ k/ v! k+ }' P5 g
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
3 [* R7 ~* ^. ^' o3 cHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.7 l' G0 Y" o8 ]7 m$ O
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
9 @: i' D/ O" {  c. I5 g1 yWatson: Permission to enter the armory.% S: F! n1 `# i% ?) L
Holmes: Granted.! O" U# H% g& K' B
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。& n6 |% |5 G* }# n
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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4 e. i& v; i: W* s0 g; R0 c5 H拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。: ^3 u7 H6 i: j2 `) `# d
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; x' [* C! S- L! bWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。2 K+ m7 e6 ?: w
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）: r4 [& n/ Z, C' o. D) ]+ W
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- P9 y" S) O* @# uHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。, K1 N# q4 j4 @0 i. a
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。0 D# c  J/ B0 P3 g
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）, x* C8 A% L5 u" [& N
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?7 d; l* ~7 h1 P0 {7 G; M
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
" e4 i8 ~9 Y5 T/ e4 p! OIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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4 N2 d( C; T# @$ x9 jIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。9 J5 |2 w4 p8 Z% H6 I
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
- p8 b8 l' D- S9 RWatson: Get that out of my face.) o3 a1 C6 d# b- Z, C- c. I/ x
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
8 b% F) v' e+ v2 e) W; mWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
/ y: c3 Q% H3 L路人警官Clarky上场。% ]6 S- C7 U8 _1 u$ n" c
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.+ I0 y1 Y' [1 O7 ?1 m* Q( Y4 m4 {% `
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）* u0 ^  ?: D7 B, u
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。* _. a) k" p6 Y( K) a
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?4 {2 L3 Z2 Y4 Q) _6 l& g5 R
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.* Q2 A4 \9 v0 _4 ?. I2 T
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$ E% y8 C' h) C0 G7 a0 f4 |$ Z墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。5 r3 |; R5 S. G! a7 d) S
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
* _% m1 m! n6 y+ S( i. ~: O3 SHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
2 g: `: \( l9 EWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。; F* Q0 @# E# y  n$ Y+ h2 f
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
0 H& W; @: b8 z7 O$ N; ]1 LBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…& z  V; D" [* I) @6 _
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
  H! S$ k& S3 A# j死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
6 l- ~1 J6 T3 L4 w4 vHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
& l" ~9 H6 o- Q& E后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。2 x- Z# Z4 v+ G" q( z; w0 C
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）8 c4 E5 R+ W! }/ r9 ~5 S0 d
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6 W  B) L+ F6 b3 d警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。% E& y! F' r' _
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
% ?( x# f* @# M3 H$ N话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
' L  x0 c, a: BHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）% u8 ~# o- }1 R  B; C" K: _
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）- O  H: v6 w% o2 Z6 h( L
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
& P, ?% u, {7 ~9 K; u9 n. ~, P5 TMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
& z1 x. p$ D9 ?8 u9 ~Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）/ y9 z  t9 g8 q, B- x2 O* |7 u
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
/ k6 O" l; p* f. R( j. N# VWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）( y$ J4 ]6 q! J6 Y+ `9 `$ o) O* q! \
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）, Q' |8 u; [( B! C' e
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）; R/ H4 Z# X3 S8 J) K
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
$ r, `' g, P% v（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……