《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。+ o: }* O: P+ h( [+ A% R
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/ ?/ p3 I& j8 f  p  c影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
6 t, s: I! W& DWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
3 @* k5 b3 _8 e% G% s3 N7 LHolmes: I just picked it up.
. @% D" F; K# J6 }/ gWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
/ n. h9 `2 r: U$ V+ h, d% n; F" |Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
/ Q7 J  k' f" y5 x6 p4 `9 Q. FWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）1 V& A, H. [" d  i
Holmes: You did.
3 z- |7 P: L2 S1 t（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）9 K( a7 D' l0 _, i% x) g
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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( B* i- p) `0 \7 I* X宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。& ^/ _; d: |6 h" W
Watson: Permission to enter the armory., A0 z- r6 k- j" m6 Q* o
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。/ |1 X9 L1 Q1 E# o8 u, f5 C
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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) @; |2 d" N! _- R% {Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
4 T  N( D( F2 ~# |. x. vWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）: f7 q+ v+ @3 N# m5 @8 j
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。8 p7 m0 Y3 {% @& F+ Q' R1 }8 ^
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。% h7 C9 _( [' x
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）6 B: X  T+ c' a- X6 G+ z
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
* a1 j3 [! f( l; SHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）) K  S$ g$ _1 b* {& n# E2 M. M
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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/ S" G9 S/ U4 h) _0 K( B6 W0 X- KIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。0 S6 U. U( y+ ~
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）: v6 e  b) G1 P' q/ ~. ^
Watson: Get that out of my face.& W, [! S% a- N2 H. F2 ]
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.7 {9 v8 n; O+ N: t4 V$ g! s
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.* a, y3 `/ @" ~( H4 n" k& Z
路人警官Clarky上场。
0 M/ o% r  U2 D* y8 O/ k3 e0 t" f! L0 ZClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.- c% [3 x/ i% I' [
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）) k; d/ F# N8 d% j) {) U! A
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。7 u$ {( ~+ C2 G# T
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?7 a/ U3 v  d6 W+ H; ^
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.4 d9 H# P0 N: R9 u
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+ t4 n7 s" C8 ]1 \5 m2 r. E& e墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
; T- W* z: b- k（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
, n. `8 y7 M) L  o  UHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.5 e  m1 V' L9 M3 H/ [( i5 J
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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: @; z* U. b0 }1 v; T2 Z7 ?. z河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
/ e; Y2 Y& `+ d$ NHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）+ T" ~. z5 w& \  ?: |- R' W
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…$ j3 A2 R2 f- [. c8 B# T! k
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）+ k6 R! K( X3 l9 B
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
& c3 @0 I. k* y' x6 \+ ?0 A; lHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
6 Q, ]; D+ m, J后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。7 A: N- d( ?' Z$ s1 I5 T- k
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）0 I! D$ ~& y: P  y
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。0 ?1 Q# Q: V& R/ B% j. Q1 m
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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* f# l# }* U% K8 b4 r接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。  f$ r0 M6 z9 e4 r3 s: |
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。. X( y" r& A6 {$ i
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）# n2 l, e: ~5 Q0 o5 \
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）6 W+ W0 s! X, o  Y/ f: a( Y6 \
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
- E( B  K2 l, A( I' J: |) v- c$ eMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
1 X: r4 Q' v3 V6 s8 VWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
$ ?' L) I+ G9 L. P7 t/ E, fHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
3 O) f1 K5 }5 ?3 w% g; H9 TWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）+ K+ p1 i( W/ \, P9 j
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
! \" x! z" o! J/ J6 g8 N4 ~0 {1 rWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）& e& \& j$ W" ~3 K* f
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
0 p$ [$ \  W2 t+ l（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）! X+ C+ N# x) @8 a
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7 |+ P' u* d/ I! {总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……