《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。* M* X7 k6 R% X1 P
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
7 e; U6 e! g8 l7 r' X3 [Holmes: I just picked it up.
; k& u& |& Q8 V+ z+ f) N0 ^Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
+ v( @. r" L$ C# j# c' _5 A. vHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
" h- D6 c$ [) c6 L2 \/ e% EWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
4 j% I8 }' S5 R3 N  x1 EHolmes: You did.9 q( e) e/ L9 [
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
5 f4 y  w+ c8 G/ r9 [! ~* L$ `( F  xHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。5 T6 J6 ~4 u8 c% R* [6 F
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
$ \) u# O: m% Z1 @  V  W0 c6 LHolmes: Granted.
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# U& Y! \$ H' K% S4 p晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
; R" ?9 P$ c" s- `+ G& Z" u+ cWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）0 h2 Q9 n, K& A1 b! l7 Y
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$ ]' Z3 }9 ?1 @% v9 B' @( h# I拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。5 ^$ c; y6 K* M. J  P
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" P7 m& S( l6 U& c2 U  zWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。9 t) N/ p) L' c! w( p% `" ]
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）) D1 h4 h: J" Y; I0 a+ N3 t1 ^
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。3 z2 \0 u+ H& i1 u% O! `2 z7 L
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7 B# y3 A  r4 @' O7 Q" FBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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: ^6 C/ K' V9 j$ r" Z1 LIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?0 A6 b* A2 K9 G! W! `1 h
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）$ S1 X0 W/ X6 V. `
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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3 `) H# ^- B: E6 l- j4 DIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。+ }, |& R- U3 k+ ^( F
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）& \$ w$ W4 @5 O+ C6 G
Watson: Get that out of my face.
. q) u( G/ c! h/ q( [Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand., V2 W: `' F9 O4 B" @; `6 f
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.' L, p* K( k2 x" _* V7 }( V
路人警官Clarky上场。0 v! I& d; F, {
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.- r/ }0 N0 @2 {# D' S. K
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）% X& s2 p, _, G1 V0 y- a# d: M# ^
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
, b! l; F# E0 O6 b* S* L$ nWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
# x. Z! w- i* b9 w7 Z! }; fHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
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Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
5 N! `! \" v) s" ?( E" VWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）4 S8 Y, ^6 f" d6 ~% h) C, Y& ~
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6 v; C* X5 r6 J% f1 h% ~河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
4 {% {( @) l; P- iHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
# F! R) B! J' U+ n7 y* a. w6 uBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
& u0 F" W' c/ o. v  QWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
6 O. Q5 e. O8 r, ^" h( `; m+ E死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
! I1 x7 P5 e0 @Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）9 y  H3 u& K) u
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
( W! Z& K2 L; gHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
+ ~1 X& O9 [1 o. m8 B( D' YLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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2 V7 _3 x$ e; Q  }3 e" ]4 ?& f9 O接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。9 L; \: V$ K5 C. ?5 o: J. _
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。$ c6 `$ _3 d- v
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
# F. |1 ?- L$ E5 J' wWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）! q) G, [2 r) n% O; `$ W4 v. T0 ^" j
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）1 H0 S$ c3 b, S7 f; \, b
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
  k0 Q+ K+ L/ a, M  d* i! L- E, ]Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
9 w# O: K  s- eHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）! {2 c) ^; _  Z# t
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）+ Z# P, }1 C9 U, f  z# Q
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
, T0 U1 h' K( aWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
8 i- }& Z3 V2 i2 A! qMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
7 R/ p! P/ D/ T, \1 O8 i（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……