《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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7 O* U3 q9 p8 f6 J: k; s* a0 B* o$ n影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。" ~/ V; E( V4 b4 f. [5 k- ^8 P1 K5 p
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）+ l  K. G  Q8 M2 ?
Holmes: I just picked it up.
8 G1 Q% y# q8 ~0 V8 t( X/ u) w9 s3 NWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
0 l4 g, V5 ?- Q4 M3 EHolmes: Knew I forgot something.* q- f" G/ ]' Z4 w: j8 T3 E
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
$ M, Q% X' M& O6 n& i6 G, ?Holmes: You did.1 T0 W" N) S$ p1 {
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
7 }8 N! Y, U/ W+ t- h3 bHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.1 i  Z0 f; [/ c, Z1 q
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。' _5 k) C8 L* n9 @' W7 ]- a
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.! K9 Y2 B6 ^- G3 f
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。& }$ m6 K% R, {
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）1 w+ D9 ^( M* Y  `0 Z7 |& Z
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。8 h: ^8 X: l' L5 F9 w
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+ Z" ~; ~4 F. p  ~4 q- yWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。4 x& _8 ]2 h1 o, f1 y* X
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）/ V( P* A) j/ ~% F7 p) D/ P( F
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1 O: p- @' O0 W6 uHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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0 H' t: w! w4 z: R5 kIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
$ k0 K: C* p7 |( e2 F（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
+ F- T9 l& x' ]5 SIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
# y! F+ {7 `2 AHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）3 X' s2 C- H: a2 v
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.3 u+ c, L0 L2 }' M; h1 l- i3 q' \
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4 b, p% }- |* ?; K  P; ~3 p' b' ^1 kIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。# L  v) i1 L7 b' p" O5 x
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
, l1 H2 T# T6 {. z6 t6 ]Watson: Get that out of my face.
% }& s+ `& z5 r" C5 \2 ?- @' VHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.9 e$ n5 z, p2 W* G7 I: I1 o
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
) q: i& V1 N9 s. o6 {1 _9 P! G路人警官Clarky上场。+ \8 g# O2 J/ `6 F( P$ K/ Z
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
3 |! ?; _" F+ H9 o  |/ E8 z# oHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）$ Y3 c0 r2 y6 V) d" }, U, N" a6 |
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
: _* b! `# M+ M6 [Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
  ?  o3 O) g3 m$ Y) PHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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$ I2 o0 q; L8 F6 k: K墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。9 ?% L, h% [( s
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
! a; c2 M4 g! q: j+ n9 P- z4 R5 ZHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.# P5 V; V! G/ G' {- a+ l* k
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。0 N9 ]+ Q4 K( s1 M. Q
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
/ @2 I. w$ _5 K' r* F( g6 P/ fBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
! Z, Z* @! B4 \4 E( Y) xWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）/ l# X0 }3 y  Q) H: {! R# w
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
" G* @2 W5 x& v( s  d, |" m% WHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
6 H6 G1 [4 M( Y. A5 q: S. ?后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
5 j6 M- Z- B* E5 G2 B  k! ~Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
/ t# l$ z4 K4 ]8 v$ r+ hLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。' X& \5 Z1 u3 x0 A
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
; x/ }7 S1 F, S# g7 `2 Z' Y& DHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）# Z8 W$ c: m2 g6 Z6 c
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）  S4 t! i/ }+ {
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）% H1 g$ N+ A' K- K# B; p+ u
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?: W1 v9 K5 |* M( {7 ]- U# o
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）9 J4 G1 x& V+ D; F, Z/ F- b7 {; |
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
$ ]0 Z- ?5 w3 Z% M4 dWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
( n* o* ^2 e6 n5 v% u8 iHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
0 j. L& X/ F( ]+ X6 l- DWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）: t6 M8 H/ t4 [& h+ \; ^' P
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
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: [5 n% k: [1 B总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……