《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。& A9 s) h) R8 i" X
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
  D% t+ f. {" N7 W/ h. qWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
' U! n$ @5 d& o# z) ]+ X1 ~Holmes: I just picked it up.
( s: j+ T* w8 s6 O; |* ZWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
8 M9 s1 @6 F/ [8 j% v" MHolmes: Knew I forgot something.  C: D/ o9 b" o( o0 t
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
! D7 L" ~9 \4 Y/ O2 AHolmes: You did.
$ ?6 {2 n3 l* Y: G% s/ H（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
( p* M$ m3 e$ c% k6 ~) mHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.6 [. H! D1 ]6 U5 a0 h! {# G
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
4 o$ i$ O  Q; O. n# t* L) aWatson: Permission to enter the armory." _5 R  [# S' i* Q% e
Holmes: Granted.) r! A& S* ~2 m, E% b- r
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: l9 w% V4 M) h1 Q晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
6 Y2 j' H3 ~# V& ]* w2 NWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）2 ^- `6 Y8 ?- P( m1 n
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。9 z2 e5 ]$ t2 ^# x2 D
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。4 @# W# H9 K4 `
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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+ c# k3 `) h7 @7 \& EHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。, J# F) P0 d( y" J+ J3 x6 @
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7 c- n( v; X' a9 S0 ]Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。% o" m2 Y1 S, ]# \) ]
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
9 |2 a- ~. F0 X- A+ K. I$ LIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?; K9 n' W- A, D) \, h; V+ C: h; y
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）* Y7 M' ~* a( Q4 H- D
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.2 t0 i9 X9 [$ M9 @  h
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+ m2 f. U: ]2 T' y1 ~* h$ O9 G" ]Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
7 u* b0 C# w8 W( }6 c  G9 ]5 rHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
8 L% x* o* ?+ N" kWatson: Get that out of my face.
+ }8 }) M, p/ R) z0 {Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.% M4 E4 B0 @. Y2 G
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
6 d5 a9 S0 M/ n路人警官Clarky上场。$ C6 y0 k5 U* i* H
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.# ?! \( `2 [3 X! _
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
; {$ h+ ^8 @  |- S* x/ T( F得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
$ h1 B) M! m1 `. DWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
5 ^5 b4 w6 x7 v! N8 T; ?  S# }Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.' F& t* E4 E( |! I
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。( K  A; R. |- u
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
+ H- ?, s) g9 E  yHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
% s6 z  V. v1 _! S& AWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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9 [' M4 F* u  v0 i# q河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。& Q/ o6 O6 c. E# G2 D
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）2 X8 u! P% P) t1 b2 }  K
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
* w2 [# I3 L1 ~Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
, B- D8 U8 K" X! _" g7 ^" e5 F死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。+ N" q+ r/ A3 T8 ~
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）( k& E* c8 Y$ O- u3 U4 b
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
- l. D; L! m& ^/ E0 t# s' GHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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) u6 t. X) s* v4 j4 |警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。  \) f4 h$ }/ L. r
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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& {- h" ]" m$ p5 g" L6 _接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。3 _' [4 I4 h- B1 F& Z) g# |
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。! a: Y2 Y( i0 ]
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）0 K0 ]5 `" U/ }, J, D
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
9 b  `4 `% s" ]$ R4 w' ~& ]+ {8 GHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
; v2 I0 f0 D, \- OMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
) P  d+ Z+ {% w( M$ |" F& fWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）( {) M$ `. J3 v- ?% Z5 h
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）8 I4 Z8 g) m* {/ d4 G1 J4 X4 x* d/ a
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
) L. T) T7 `0 }' pHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
1 p3 }# f; i; Z: _% K2 \Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）* v4 B; ~& D4 B6 V, H
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）& d) B& j7 r$ F* |8 @) h
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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2 W# W2 V6 ~  ^" k总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……