《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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% F, _' R, f( @影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。; p7 F3 e0 X4 ?, H
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
- {7 [# B8 F' k0 N8 v  f3 rHolmes: I just picked it up.
: c. u8 m$ ^( nWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）, h8 P  N& I! M3 b  ?! N
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
' v3 a& j# y' Q1 C9 fWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）" V7 g' q/ r+ \8 y0 N9 t
Holmes: You did.2 }$ Z' I/ k5 h0 c1 R/ S! x
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
1 D& S' a- l) j9 ?! O3 iHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.: }$ G5 ]. z. `' G2 W# `9 I
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。  t4 o2 s8 n5 P  ]; e6 Z" N
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
( y( q4 o3 K  B- j1 U$ D$ h& |Holmes: Granted.! K$ N# j5 U6 U, t6 ?
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& S0 F! E3 V& r( L' E晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
+ J9 x8 j4 ]% IWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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0 L% r0 i: n; [% ^% u拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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; W& u+ i6 u: o8 l& w9 P. ?' I- t2 G7 nWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。8 m# i& l1 }' B+ f( K; |
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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* j$ M- _2 }" P' hHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。1 I  f+ P7 h9 M# w
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. ~- O2 S- u0 A! e3 kBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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' Z3 a) H% X* a2 B$ R. s8 DIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?, [! w0 V6 b1 Z2 q
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
  f. q) k+ A+ ]. S$ b4 OIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.1 e  M& A  C- a; \: I/ q5 n
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7 n0 ~' U) k4 U# q, A. Q  v+ t! x* KIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
; e6 {3 ^' R4 A  i7 r3 t( H5 f# qHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）( E' G* l- r  V, H, S6 u
Watson: Get that out of my face.  ~+ @4 _7 S0 T5 K: _
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
0 e. _2 n8 N3 P4 }Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.3 J% s: ]8 S" n8 ~* v, {* `
路人警官Clarky上场。
* @$ |# U1 ^# X$ t9 }3 nClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.) Z- b7 G0 M7 V. X" t! o% }5 ?
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）0 v9 U2 N2 s' n, C3 N7 c
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。& R( ?% Y5 |1 v! e- m1 i
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?' w& Q" m( T/ D7 o! q1 E1 S* j  u
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
* @; A5 L7 `, ]& e（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）; @3 U* [7 I' f) X
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
$ A' |0 |$ l8 a8 }$ b% JWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。5 O1 Y: Y7 Q( _
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
: j' `" W; _+ K3 T) }: J3 q& zBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…% `: |0 R- m; e* ?: M8 Q5 M* ~
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）1 P5 v+ l6 e6 g8 K7 K, B
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
* P, k) @# M* Y! G: m) N) KHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
' t3 B; g& z; O" s: l& |后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
& [  k  S& w; J! [2 r( rHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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! Z- g" W8 B- b( P& Z% s% N2 R警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
$ l3 j6 Y3 D. _4 D6 a% C& MLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.$ P! e8 Q( Y# U# h
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/ b. K# W4 x# o9 B0 y* q接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
6 _0 W. h# @; J) m- A& ?* m2 I话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
8 e% B2 N2 C6 P$ r' IHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）; N+ ?' X7 _  c" L7 N
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
# v5 m. d" H2 L/ t2 s) [! s8 ]4 uHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）( ^; f+ e( w+ }2 [
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
! Q# f: z8 P2 n& M3 _9 }Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
* F( S: w3 A3 a) C/ h! dHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
8 A9 ]3 A) W/ ?2 [# t! IWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）+ j, e9 z) y1 B- G9 z
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）& C+ y2 }& K* ~4 N' `) [
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
2 R  w1 ]* h' {" vMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
8 m" Q3 b" }# A5 g, R% y" W7 y9 X2 X（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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) b( _3 E2 s$ i/ e* y; m总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……