《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
3 {; T; R* s) j; ]* {- w***********
. O  k# G, m0 t' W/ d& i1．$ L4 ^/ O' @1 ^1 }; Q/ J4 u
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
2 c+ G$ x" W' U2 Q/ RWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
  {% c3 b4 _7 qHolmes: I just picked it up.. ]" t9 j+ a; {1 ~: Z
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
. N( r8 `  c* V1 tHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
- j, ?# ]$ Q, E8 K! ]Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）. k. U8 e2 v  n9 _$ Q
Holmes: You did.
+ n4 I! N4 \- q（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
9 W4 ]& v/ B$ E  ]" u, HHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
/ W: Y0 u. h+ w( k5 C" X3 f$ Y2．
* T- i3 t  E4 Y宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。; ~* w% m; k* y! a7 J) S# ~+ t" k. a: a2 f
Watson: Permission to enter the armory., c7 x+ o/ ?: p
Holmes: Granted.
0 J# L8 R6 B  D1 J3.
- D4 S  q% z8 Y: S0 S4 l) D晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
% ?( C  b/ q% n. q* AWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
; k2 [1 s4 @) w3 m5 O8 O" P2 L" S4．
7 L+ x2 W! `- s- Q% p1 [8 n* t; f6 G* h拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
6 [2 ]  n  s- ?1 L1 M9 M6 c5．
* c5 L% I; U/ j; R( vWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
9 H, r  a3 w/ w' NWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
1 s) [+ l/ a. z, o8 x( B/ X" Z6．
( M0 N. l" ]) h% n4 GHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
4 w" c3 n; V6 i6 v1 w7．
5 O1 z: p  h" IBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
; w, [6 q% P& S7 ]2 t( Q0 `- k$ z8．
% d! ~5 ~, G1 D  I4 D/ hIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。& t% F$ F2 q* M. m" K
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）" ]4 L2 W  M6 x$ U( A
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?: }7 \; j1 a9 P) J
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）5 V4 ^! M# _4 e
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.. G. m4 O, V, Y& o/ q, x
9．
' `1 M! q( Q0 y  i6 F7 h1 fIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
( @6 w8 F5 q7 N; R" a3 U, tHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）  u0 L7 t' h1 `7 r% J! L0 G: R9 V
Watson: Get that out of my face.
. g6 N! C! I& i6 C  u, `Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.& J( C3 S" c+ u  t( M. \! s* l1 v  R
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.2 i& V% P0 i( r% K
路人警官Clarky上场。
) J4 u* Z$ d8 E- f6 _1 Q% N) D# C; ZClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.& z, p$ y" V4 R& `) w
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）6 t+ B/ D. y! V( @+ {
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。/ e2 q! A+ r2 Z" Q! @2 I
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
, E9 h. E% ~( R8 Y% z, bHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.1 N  T$ B$ h! ~; w: M" v
10.
& P5 o0 x5 H' g/ ^/ v& v墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
1 N/ l  P* m. d1 q- ^（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
0 x- l. c% }1 r) aHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.( }$ [# S. M- b5 y' W4 V" N/ r
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
$ _) r& R0 M% P' O% g11．' H9 q2 X+ M& _9 y0 K+ o
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。$ S5 s# G) L/ w- `" q) k9 K
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）3 |% J8 t. i2 e# z
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…9 N( X5 s9 w8 D% B6 \
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
4 W7 }4 J" [9 u* d2 b( ^死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。& |' H& R8 S* B7 @5 d7 c
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）& z5 E$ u1 P) b0 H0 w
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
  q1 M  ^' h- @8 Z, t/ U3 SHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）/ ]/ U  D( g' f
12．
$ J; a8 [$ u2 T0 M& j( ^/ W) Z警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
! l( J2 H4 ^/ f7 ~% H# U5 jLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
# Y/ S' Y- o4 P13.7 G1 [* Y/ F0 j- W8 P
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。# D2 l) q& J7 ]
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。, g4 d! H4 n. T6 y0 k) s, T
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）+ x- b( s/ V* c1 h& n' h
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
. `. l2 C- F$ ?3 R! j! OHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）! j* ~- g1 M3 |$ }
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
1 {# V( G5 j# ~Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）  i, G  A+ ^  _) H+ X. N4 W
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）. R4 }; X) P1 g+ ^9 w" g
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）7 n' ?$ C1 W' \2 Y$ M# O
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
& \, {& }" x. U1 {Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）& T( o: I# a/ ]* I: |
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
1 ]6 ^7 V0 Z( J4 ^  }8 Y（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
1 K, T/ {4 m- y9 I! I& H***********
7 G4 i* x! A+ d% t" Y( `- B总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……