《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。: F' g# \0 Z8 F% ]* }, {0 I3 P
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9 H+ q: }! H7 m4 K' d, E影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
; X; A* g3 ^# e$ J" Y- P/ ^9 RWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
2 j0 {- [* j4 kHolmes: I just picked it up." y# C- h* s! u) y* u0 f" I
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）0 @6 C2 H4 F9 a, u2 P1 W5 Q3 j( K* |
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.' `" i/ ~, N% y" e: M& F
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
: E* J( b  k- V3 `/ _6 ZHolmes: You did.
6 j& |$ \) K+ |- W0 g3 D0 X. S+ i; y（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）* E* t$ ]7 P4 S/ z
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.( B  |: t  T  \4 X  d: e. t
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. m- E7 i0 X" X0 D* N宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
9 \3 w' `; k9 }% _: ~; l1 ~Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
" S: J$ ]# S1 O0 Q( eHolmes: Granted.
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7 Q/ s: v+ b6 h晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。0 Q, T. |: |8 z" r3 F
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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2 `1 d: E3 a, w3 {( o, K$ c; S: |拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。4 @/ i  c$ Q0 `2 u
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）$ ?) W& {, V" R! m" I: l
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# J' Y' B  G# k' t, }& {Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。4 f0 W7 x7 m8 W4 N, _
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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& v# y5 u+ _# Q! `/ G' `3 q: LIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
0 j( c# R- A0 g/ q. W# f+ f! ^) ~（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
  {. C# S8 e+ w9 HIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?9 _* C0 ?  t5 h4 F) U
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）, t" F  ^6 k% X6 K. X/ x, f; U6 ~
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.2 z9 f4 A6 e6 \  K" y2 i
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( s" `/ k4 [" hIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
3 B3 e1 v- R4 X# ]Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
" i* b" Z9 q. jWatson: Get that out of my face.2 y. Q. R$ t# E# ~' [0 a2 J
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
" j* t1 g( N4 B$ K* D) ]Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
7 J6 }' {1 Y! |2 j2 K% b5 I路人警官Clarky上场。* S8 ~* y/ c% x' R; f
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
2 T% C% f4 `$ LHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
+ N# U6 }  W9 U* \0 O1 T得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
. Q( O$ Q$ k% f, ?Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?: D4 @4 D! [! S# k2 g+ \+ R; b  e
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.) A8 j  N* ^" t; f! E, ^* p6 q
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。  g3 Q" D; R0 O& `2 ~: v( V
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
8 o9 F# x$ m2 D2 q' ~Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
4 L" [$ K# d! f% V. CWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。' f7 _" \9 I0 \) f# J) l, p
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）6 ~  k; k( I* K9 K) A5 ?( m
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
# f2 F% P. U- b' n# [# PWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
: s1 N2 i: w" a6 J7 Z# S8 R死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。; b+ c% |9 |4 \
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
1 C0 Z; U8 m7 M  q  v! Z) }后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
0 h4 C8 C: _& C( YHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）5 t2 U# v- H3 r; w
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. F" ^' G6 A* x2 e2 K警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。; e9 o: ~5 n; I9 L! _, S
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。* K. g: V/ L# |$ ~3 l
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。) B1 A& ]% {& |7 r
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
2 q# \9 ^2 j1 D: J% @4 \Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）2 g$ Y. b1 I: M. a, V. k7 p4 f
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）8 J4 U+ Q/ u( T8 t- R# B
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?9 I; @. x! F% f/ ]5 S* c) V0 j
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
$ T& Z) t, k4 z1 G9 F3 LHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
6 t5 m7 s  y! e3 y4 P4 aWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）- R1 Y: ?9 S: p3 G, V8 u
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）( L6 Y5 r3 y) i! ], \. ]! d
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
% W' R) r& \& O8 j( i9 k: r8 \Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
' P# {3 H, Y+ ?4 {3 J（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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# t' a9 |+ r4 H4 o: A6 n总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……