《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
+ w# a/ p* x9 M" ]/ \4 P- DWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
, }  ?8 D3 L9 q, a% ]/ U9 ]7 U" U& \Holmes: I just picked it up.( n" i' T# ?& j
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）& C, N6 T1 j( E. V) j, i+ L9 L- I2 k
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
2 S% c' C" b3 D2 `Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
& m: F1 l- {7 E9 J* N' ZHolmes: You did.3 n; l! c5 j- g$ w$ l
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）3 }. g- S% c: m; g, z3 r3 X
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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$ _" G# A( U0 Y( i  [) e宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
/ f4 [- F( x- YWatson: Permission to enter the armory.  A/ w! w& J6 Q- N$ G# B& ^
Holmes: Granted.8 d( T8 O: w9 ?/ F! E: [; f
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3 Y8 L7 B2 \  j0 w& \0 X晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
7 `8 T3 i% f" C( L" w& NWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）5 u+ }# i) v* D
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9 P+ }! D4 z1 k7 d  D7 \拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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/ J. E7 j# L5 M  lWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
; U0 |' \: D% L+ B- TWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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" @: J; J! T1 f9 Y- pHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。+ E' H4 q( W. U" G
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' x" @: [- F  m; P1 S5 }Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。9 _. i6 n) G4 x4 @* ]$ K; ^
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: u8 @+ i+ S" L4 Y4 X1 c4 R  JIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。1 F" ^6 D. Z2 K9 r  y
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）# y  K" f# D9 @6 A
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
; J8 W9 r, d, }$ d! T3 b7 c9 WHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）! ?) j+ R" P7 |2 v# t- p
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.) A; S1 ]0 s: w  ?
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$ l$ a4 f/ d8 _8 f/ B% k' [Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
1 X# o$ z0 `  Q2 z( f1 F! uHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）, o; K. H+ F9 ?1 X% Y
Watson: Get that out of my face.
$ b* }  [' f7 Y; T7 s1 mHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
, @( r. {0 z7 ~( s' kWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
& P/ _2 B% V9 M$ x  h  {! f路人警官Clarky上场。
! a5 M1 n6 v+ R6 U) q: B  LClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
- g# v3 E7 D" d  Q+ t0 l  u( dHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）) g3 ^' T1 q$ F% i+ t+ A3 m* |
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
, [2 a# n7 V6 CWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?. h! U1 i# C3 Q& p
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.8 ]) d- I) m+ ^8 h8 x  X
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
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Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.# j, o, v$ w* g: J$ G
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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( a  C  ~# q# {河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。8 g6 M; J/ v1 B
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
0 D7 u) k0 u& C" O) ^% F8 wBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
$ e9 I! z) i+ T4 t: m4 o" \Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）* Y! m7 P; l' w: f
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。& b; a! W- R, b) w6 V) }
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
3 S! g1 |' Z" w后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。7 C- ~  F% K9 n. z* _. _
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）+ `( j6 d$ O! z0 o7 c- T8 r
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: M5 W$ s& `* C警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
/ `; g5 J3 _7 n) iLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.* t$ f- g0 x4 t- _
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。! M8 E3 N' F+ {5 `. M
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。/ L3 L! \! D5 D9 ~/ h8 d
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）# y: w' l) d2 R
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）5 y* u5 I/ z  U( d  l- q6 \7 p
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）& U; |% G+ G( s* a
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
& H9 e' U7 C$ I1 D# V# d8 n  H9 uWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）9 K; W  g5 y% k; D0 h( i
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）% I5 x1 {3 t5 x- K: i
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
7 D' @/ ~# T; T* ~! Q+ pHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
) e; w* F5 \, ?* ZWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）6 ^& b  \! c1 M
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）3 [4 t/ S, l9 _5 n
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）- W1 _& a- ~) \% d
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……