《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
3 X2 W, `4 A5 l! U1 h/ o) mWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
& P/ {9 @, y8 G! i1 lHolmes: I just picked it up.
  Q9 c9 [8 r2 |% W& @Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）4 u* W$ n* a' s5 h
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.0 [1 S0 ^5 h8 c" \7 ^
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
, `! {. h# t1 j* x- U* ~Holmes: You did.0 J+ T6 `. m! g: p" R
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
, d; }; k: }7 ]2 l: y8 _Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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5 M8 _. x4 ~' s, a3 m宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
4 S+ t* F6 c8 VWatson: Permission to enter the armory.7 ]2 d- x. s  z- \! A+ C+ j
Holmes: Granted.
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' C" Q5 {3 m+ j0 f7 I晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。' E) p) c- }9 s: Z0 M, c# R
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）1 D7 k- E/ d) j
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% n8 n6 Q' U9 L3 {拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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) z1 D( y4 m4 g, [  I, @+ V8 ?Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。( f! m% b- {, P" ]
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）6 t$ V3 l6 D  y' _. H( t
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; j6 g1 z& i- i, K0 vHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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' Z/ ]2 }5 H0 F8 b4 a+ ?9 sBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。7 f% i" l' C  B( v1 D, i( d
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+ z; r2 k) Y# q8 s2 }Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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9 C& H- P( z; N+ \" x1 FIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?  i6 a2 ?  {' I+ `8 K& V
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）) K, p7 w3 V2 H- d' L4 \
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.- w& O& q, \' r- A6 s
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/ c0 N% b- K1 \% h7 o/ n/ F' CIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。% J  j( k- O0 L
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）4 q4 t% ~1 B2 i4 Q
Watson: Get that out of my face.
0 a2 n/ x# o# ]7 x* T0 u( ^Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
1 j- o/ u% h6 y, O' oWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.3 d! t4 r& t" T8 Q( K
路人警官Clarky上场。
2 j5 }6 j% Z0 U0 m, OClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.$ p/ n, \5 x' A% D- c4 p
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
- E6 N( M0 L. S得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
9 P- w. t' }* u* s$ g6 TWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?$ F2 }9 Y6 V: x2 M4 s
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。! |( ^* y& b' Q1 J' Y, }
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
+ c& n+ s' l6 h1 u& D, B+ J' k* mHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely., q) c* }1 e9 l$ F7 ~
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
* P& z! e  j. KHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）3 t: K- \/ K5 I* g+ T
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…# N' m- Y* G5 l7 j
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）4 y- s3 m' x3 d+ `" G2 E2 Q
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
: q& p$ m- ?  X4 |- w3 mHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
! c4 F0 Z: R; w" ^后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。* w  Y- y' T+ `4 ?9 T! I' z' U8 b
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）. R/ E1 T2 E4 V6 t; p) W4 x
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。( m/ \% l1 H; \) H
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing." \6 E' X6 `  r8 R0 U( X( M: B. j1 i
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
3 \' a% `; W- j: R话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
2 H( b1 ?- M$ j4 I/ j+ DHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
; Z0 [; i! o- _8 ]- fWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
' f- s, ^: ]" r5 `Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）4 ?: |- E# i; U9 J( }
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?! k# V3 Y* n" R$ H! W7 `7 ?9 w
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
% z1 K* g: f+ _: k% p& H% A# Y+ mHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
4 u* {6 N$ ^( _6 z/ Q: FWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
& n" T- {: P8 k: D1 d' G3 A9 ~+ r* oHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）, b. g* T. `) G9 O2 A, O# z
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）) B% K& L& D0 R/ v+ F, X/ M6 g9 \
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）/ v# j) U9 E. t
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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! n1 Q: o; t; U0 f总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……