《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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- f- w1 G) J+ }4 b8 C0 z影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。* l0 C, E! v; @+ M; g
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）0 s5 ^+ I' T6 Z+ O# h
Holmes: I just picked it up.
( O. v) P0 g$ ~) A% n6 }8 |Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
% t5 O# q9 S; e  t6 _1 {: F5 aHolmes: Knew I forgot something.; ^$ E& e0 S: p
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
4 {/ F1 K  i8 O( V! F  I" XHolmes: You did.+ N# y& H7 A: F) A! h  O
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
& x# _6 u8 O$ R4 uHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.3 D. `" B# Y% _7 I6 \- P
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
5 G% y4 w8 D( `Watson: Permission to enter the armory.$ F: @& h2 f/ ^  i3 n
Holmes: Granted.* ^( q6 u7 z  ?+ [/ ?$ t
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。+ s& ~. G! z" ?4 E) x  j
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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+ J* q! [$ @% z# F拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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7 |7 y# C' c* c  e. @# IWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。1 \' f" D+ E8 n/ t" |
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）4 c+ K( C5 d" n! F
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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) E; P  Y1 b0 i8 y% l8 wIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。3 l7 a4 u7 ^6 e; w# L, w5 _
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
: G; t& q+ M  @6 R$ v$ m8 h( V! \, nIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?3 }, v: x) u& |7 I7 m  A+ r+ A7 J
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
( G/ K. }" C  C9 {5 b, m& GIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。# Z% J* |) _, Q3 D3 ?# }
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）- [7 }. T$ U! f6 ^( s6 H
Watson: Get that out of my face.
' ]5 @& I/ \& \Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.! M7 c' u* g, T( w, f! a. L
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face., X& l5 C& ~) Y6 q0 ]
路人警官Clarky上场。
3 u9 Z1 y5 n) B( z1 |Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.0 A  V) L$ \) O) l7 E5 q
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）: t9 s. e* K: u4 Q
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。- s% V+ N9 L1 w) V
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?: u. ?. k/ b6 f" |" f
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。4 M+ b( p; a" q. }
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）& t: [( I% m# w
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
' w2 C! _6 f: x: ]$ nWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）0 z: i2 v; H% q
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) w. G- I+ X+ @8 J  N( z0 A河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
5 U$ z# G( [" \$ e5 nHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）7 V" r9 s. E+ I+ G$ w
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
: T- h" _0 W) PWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）6 e( W; s& g3 F1 h; Y: }
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。% ~4 x! w8 M3 C* @' u) ~
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）( }3 |0 m! ]0 t" k
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。# A( O& v' n5 Q9 @
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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8 n7 h* \7 U3 s+ d& i, `/ y- a2 g警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
* |/ F$ N7 g# y3 HLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing." u( p1 `: m: r) U1 |- E# p
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
6 T- z0 Y1 r% B; v话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。8 @! Z5 z8 g% _9 ~  {# _
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）2 t" ^) i5 E  R; ?% G$ e! i
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
0 _& o' r" S& |9 v  CHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
+ q8 G5 L4 x& B, @Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?. k2 W1 {  C/ L. s
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）1 x: X. U, w5 S5 n
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
4 f1 j5 }4 K2 C4 A- U, f+ CWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）' I5 i$ j" f4 i" [
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）" O6 ^( U) ~& e- D+ L& b) _& f3 ]
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）/ {% i, \/ [2 @! [
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）$ }% m1 g  G2 u3 x. w& f# `
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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; Q- ]2 h/ p6 G总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……