《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。" w9 _9 [: G" X- n2 \; I
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
2 _/ W* _# B: K' F" gHolmes: I just picked it up.
, F* n7 M6 W  I1 y0 H6 z9 [Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
$ c3 w5 k2 N2 J0 E+ \) ZHolmes: Knew I forgot something.- y( @' Q7 Z0 M/ B8 O" z$ |
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
/ z& u" ?+ l+ THolmes: You did.% v7 E% ~0 |& Y* ]8 w
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
: w6 u) \! [1 X7 l4 \% }Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.( Z; d& P" K, M, t! V9 ]  c2 I3 v
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。5 N4 G1 w, z' I. q; `
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.! A4 g  \# e( q
Holmes: Granted.3 H6 K  u; n4 h+ u- y
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" Q4 Y8 E3 i# F/ W晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。. t- J- f9 |; c" a  g! R$ c
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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* c0 F* G, p/ ]拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。0 q( M# K! [+ q: |
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。8 |: L# b1 w- l) Q0 a, x9 F1 v
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。" A% P8 ^9 Z# y8 u. p+ p
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% N) B0 E/ K! r0 e3 y5 P! KBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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8 |" H5 W! ]* F4 a* P2 u' k8 sIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
! i7 X* m3 C7 ^: v1 ^% E（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）3 t& l1 \7 s$ b% }
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?4 E! L) i0 A: K9 N/ m! c0 Z# s
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
9 Y1 }: u1 N/ [5 k" E9 M: MIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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/ ], e8 n5 S9 c$ Z% j' oIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
, D; w! J; q9 Y1 e: vHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
5 O3 {7 ?9 q. F( y! zWatson: Get that out of my face.% Y% h: R. V# f& n
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
2 O$ |6 e8 u1 _Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.2 x; A+ W( H# K  \1 p0 r  u8 v6 J9 r
路人警官Clarky上场。
4 r3 M' E& _. Z+ ~& O. A$ qClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
3 G$ K" Z9 M, p0 WHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）$ e2 |- t; H4 l- N! H4 `
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
4 ^: t$ M7 R* t7 A- b5 r2 {Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?" L+ I0 h& f" C; c' S0 C' E2 z
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。* n: f4 W$ S" Q. a, B) {' u
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）% D# ^- m9 B" z; \& J
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
$ m/ j5 F( A) c" F5 w( b2 cWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）3 S5 ]& Y2 w# y5 [# Z1 E
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2 i- ?4 o6 |6 O+ Z  B6 K河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。% u( @3 u5 R( n3 G% P
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）/ _2 }6 Q- ~; O2 U8 Z
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
+ S  K6 }  v4 `) T" r5 q! v$ M( [Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
, ~8 ~7 y. K! d" u死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
+ n% h, T7 v6 M* D9 uHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）( f1 C, B- Z  `( X0 G+ [& j( [
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
( X" }( W* Q! VHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
# l  S* z8 R, L2 c( B* y; _Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.& _1 v8 m. v, v) y
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3 ]( R- O' n, i3 d/ Z/ P; I( z" j3 D接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。, I' Z1 O$ M; w$ l8 R1 {0 O
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
9 p, B0 I' m; N* T; kHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）/ T" b9 q- L% u* g- l' R3 N0 i
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）- B) P& U0 o2 r5 F9 l; \
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）3 k$ k2 i7 P/ X! S' }- f
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
  d& ~( D$ Y# Q6 X: z. EWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
0 {$ ^* p) W6 r) N4 Q  AHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）9 {2 V. p9 |5 d; @0 J5 R
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
/ o4 P9 {/ x0 @7 o+ w5 sHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）, s2 x3 t6 S0 ?% B0 ^* S6 }9 F  t' q
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
, s: Q6 Q7 ]) N: y; O0 IMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）: i8 X) c, @# I7 t# \
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）3 b& {" ^  b1 ?3 T
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……