《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。# x$ ?' d, H2 `6 P+ l) ~
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5 I& s: N! _3 A+ n5 P影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。/ Y. M( H7 r) x* @, N+ f
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）5 ?3 E' {+ e( ~, Q
Holmes: I just picked it up.
! S  l% u3 r. ^; ZWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
; v7 p$ V% Y0 I4 JHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
. Y) f' Z2 P% e& K8 l# K4 e; CWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
; D8 ]* C# t% N' l1 ^+ t0 V# k" mHolmes: You did.2 {  s: q' h9 R. Y4 K9 l
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
  E- Q6 g- @3 c& @9 rHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.) r' ?- b5 ]2 I0 Z+ A! y% J
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。7 g1 h4 r  M, ^
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.) G: S& k2 L0 o$ z- f. R+ M; ^
Holmes: Granted.' r; R6 a2 g2 z; J+ F
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
$ _& e% Q" `( K' M% zWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）  O; c, s8 M  N. {
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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1 a2 ]$ T- R6 I: T! ], ?Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。8 h; Q8 d; j2 y5 ~! X# g
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。2 J* o# {9 q3 x* w7 r% @! |) W
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2 ]: o# S. [6 [0 ~( nIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
# |3 w& ?# h# z# |& i（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）: d7 D/ i3 {1 S: o3 W0 f, ]0 B
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?, f$ D" R7 g) \; u" e) H" H  F
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）# d7 Z  o1 x" {  y- p: f
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.- N5 b/ k8 c, R: v0 L! j3 p. |
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
/ O$ t# X7 ~; ?# I5 uHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
1 ~$ p& L- X1 P1 ^Watson: Get that out of my face.0 Q$ M0 {4 M" h; |( z2 n
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.. k% [- x$ h6 `
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
  _# A. A+ s7 `4 V# r, Y路人警官Clarky上场。, D5 o& ^& W) W+ o$ Q
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.! w5 X3 E: ]! A3 F, s. L! g
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
6 R/ ~5 S6 A7 e% P1 p3 A% A得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。9 R/ z& u8 u$ D. l  {+ g. s) @3 J
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
7 o& R$ d" h# f! N7 H. kHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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4 e& _; \- R0 w) ?% J% _墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
' p3 a: K7 ^7 V（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
6 A# r* J. x+ ~+ [6 X# F1 DHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
* Z# P: |6 t) g8 o4 r, b6 HWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）* e' v1 Q5 _& X
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。: e; C# r! v' X0 A+ i
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
8 @9 g. v8 b" l+ {/ ^* z: `5 Z4 {Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
: }( T  z  \5 o, D# ^2 KWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
& }8 z' a2 _1 K( X, J& I+ K' S死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
$ t5 G( B" C7 N$ wHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
+ d) v; I  ?' Q/ G后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。/ k% x% @. B6 M8 ~4 D% f
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
0 k' p. k, {3 o8 xLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.! ]( }# U9 j2 T, F0 P
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。5 E' s. f( k2 G8 ~% w2 {5 H. N
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。; p! G0 G$ [2 G/ S& R
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）3 ?* r$ x- y0 P! C+ ^7 F% T5 n
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
" I3 A6 z, s  j, }- {. {6 z5 iHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）$ N' l$ r( o( K) S# B# A" v7 z
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
$ [3 F5 N) N. Z* {5 aWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）, l0 L( f. I6 D! m5 Y
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
# \- u8 H" o; C% g9 Z( ]/ [Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）3 a' h* \4 K. {  y) L% i3 O
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
2 d7 Z# S1 d$ f' R+ a* MWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
; G: O) O- d0 ~* h$ B. uMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
5 B' I5 T% V+ \) m（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）/ b$ E! E' \3 k
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……