《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
7 i1 d! X, s) |$ t. K" ~***********" V+ T/ s0 p+ K- Y! s' ?8 v4 G
1．! L" ?1 }. Q, b7 b
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。! Z' r( J8 ?: p% s- C5 K9 |# j7 H% _! G
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
% C# `9 R4 x+ O0 o2 [Holmes: I just picked it up.
4 u) O; r& X: x( J; l# y. kWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
$ t4 M9 V8 ]3 |. ?$ aHolmes: Knew I forgot something.0 p* n7 x8 g3 w
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
; v1 ]3 M5 a$ N, i$ Y# lHolmes: You did.: f- H6 z( Y2 L% O: T) C
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
2 |2 l( W, K  o- [9 CHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.2 ~5 n6 F3 l' A% f/ F; c' V6 A1 I2 A! A
2．8 q7 x/ ~7 r/ Q( [1 o' I  j) o
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
! N, C, j' b( x5 PWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
+ y$ K- \7 Y6 WHolmes: Granted.: H3 }( i* A2 F  J
3.
4 j. }, N, R+ Y# n; k- g晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。, i3 w% m) a( D% p" q
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）, Q7 |( d  P0 `! r4 r2 }) y7 Z! M; f  y
4．
$ i9 v5 b8 [, L6 I+ K4 o& ?9 p拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
2 a, h  o& K: C& B/ l5．
4 M( o& G' o2 i1 ^1 M9 i" U+ CWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。% U/ _* C8 ]" T3 @& O9 v
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）/ T( T" A% P: v8 X/ D3 [
6．
- h6 k0 t' E' ?; b, uHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
* `1 B; k( V' F/ E$ n7．$ J) H6 D& R+ {6 o+ v" W
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
2 ?# Y1 o1 l/ _! N  v" Q4 n, o; U8．  w8 E1 ?8 d- u# d; V1 k& u1 o
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。6 Y; Y& O6 {# `0 M
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）; S2 e" y; [  U5 R8 U* v# x
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?2 c6 A- x1 T' w0 Y7 z
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）/ y4 q' G* O& D' Q% W
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
& D2 s. G3 M/ I6 N% ~9．7 [: O( u/ i6 `' H7 V
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。. r# d  x" O8 J3 }: `5 c/ y7 F6 N
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）8 N% c8 ~& Y& ]" y6 g3 e
Watson: Get that out of my face.2 V, y$ ?5 ^" u
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
* O3 p( z4 C, h8 ]. {Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
* s& Z1 U$ e- w" ]( b' u路人警官Clarky上场。) x0 m& b, Q' n* Z
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once." j, r7 f1 Y+ K
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
  K& w8 }; A# E1 R得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。6 u9 `2 b; g% d: A3 T
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?' J6 J, O# p/ y
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
/ y6 \: ?0 ^$ O; ?10.
7 B% V4 C" u+ p# ~8 D$ s7 u% B墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
+ ~% o' U2 ?0 k5 D# ?（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）; }: v6 R( {" ~. R9 w
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.. R! L  t% l: c4 }
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）$ H5 w' E0 e9 D  B& ~2 y; ?
11．
) w2 w; P7 |7 Q& S/ W9 K河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
8 r5 N$ U8 l" [% b' T! F$ UHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）' s2 y' Z$ V% _2 A2 M  F
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
- i3 a# j7 z7 Z) d3 V; l8 Y$ m5 BWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
# x# K5 \, }3 M5 b& _死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。: ]8 z7 D5 d1 ], l4 L9 U5 a
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）' C" [- x9 u9 _5 H
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
* r- C0 U5 ]7 C% J! c) b# q  |Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
1 W& O% F4 Z& X1 |2 a12．
" d+ i6 u6 K. |警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。6 M) j( o9 H% f$ P: T7 h" E7 H+ r
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
5 x0 x- B# @9 M+ ]- o3 ?$ J13.
- @) U6 i, a: u9 f接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。) `& n- M8 l6 c& C& U
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。4 b$ C/ h* r/ U3 E4 H$ ^
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）) t# Q7 S6 v. A4 B4 y) y
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）& @, i1 j: v: |7 y" g& {
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）1 |4 I2 K) J: |5 \+ o4 o
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?9 }2 T' r. S& O% z) J
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）* ^3 G+ d, _+ w4 j% D- S$ u
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）% I; n( y5 W# C+ n$ B* M; E" D: B
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）7 J) y: C' t. [' `, l' B: f
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
. O3 f$ _* D5 U, mWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
9 @1 L+ u6 v0 a) G9 ]% |0 g9 m; b& uMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）$ ~4 G  y2 N& H" e8 r* }+ n
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）7 H  q# e' R0 b' o9 j
***********
* \' t' @# S5 T总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……