《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。: m* l! D1 v. ~$ y
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
8 ~6 e& p( K3 D. RWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）: L' Z; t. S7 p. C5 Y+ k& D' n
Holmes: I just picked it up.: ~. i4 X4 |' k( C+ F: U/ X/ Y
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
6 N1 S1 [5 G9 s" F, u; oHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
* \% v) C( p- j2 f9 T+ `# F9 Y7 zWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
% q; c& M5 }) L+ U- _Holmes: You did.
" \: y* y: Y  N) [- `（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）/ u! \2 P* Y( z. }- z8 @$ [7 v
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.1 [8 }! x; W8 R! U( P  Y7 \
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# A% W; P7 w1 {6 i宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。6 B- H" Y. Z$ |- H) b; v
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
! @* L" B  C2 A# ?. N& U+ W$ }3 CHolmes: Granted.  T; ]: R. y  k0 N, D8 Z0 u
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! B/ c. h6 \: Q. A  E- X! G  w晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
* W# e' E, ^& \Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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7 }( q$ @  |2 X" V7 V; P拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。* U. }1 ?" n- v
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8 z, i) ?* E5 e5 WWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
; t( l/ t/ @* b4 i! oWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）1 l& ~& n" m* P, K" z
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5 a/ L9 Z+ [8 k8 s- s7 b/ V- h& ]7 hHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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& i' a' Z# y6 k# t+ K* z. r! e1 TBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。9 O8 c1 e8 ~) ]* p$ C' I8 D
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$ z  [1 C# z% t8 Q- r+ n; ]4 pIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
7 W' c8 r7 }  g（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
  x4 ?) B! m! B) M6 i- fIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
1 y; f. A' c% }5 K) ]Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）# U/ ]+ T! D9 v
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。+ J" y6 @$ t3 L7 K8 \- Z
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
; Z! `+ _7 F! Q; hWatson: Get that out of my face.: ^) T6 L8 W, G% q6 C
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
. _6 o. P2 `7 I! |( Z( ~& oWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.8 s6 \& e; |& ^$ o( N, {" J3 Z3 z
路人警官Clarky上场。
1 d! x0 Y, [& h6 y2 QClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.; n+ ?8 A- B; E. s
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）1 S0 y, S9 G* u- D+ L7 z+ Y, z
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。8 v6 x2 A4 W. L( E( B
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
6 g3 ^) `) R/ K/ i* `8 UHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.; e5 ~( U& p3 L* Q
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) s2 l( N9 k6 V: q% ^7 c+ n3 w墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
- ?7 Z+ b& L  @（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）* f8 o3 W! R+ q" E/ n5 u
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
% L8 ~% Z7 H* x/ R' K8 G% ]Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）; |) J" t: o9 K  g* c7 r" _
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
0 t" P. j- S5 KHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
0 Q1 ^8 J. M8 Y- O/ y& I1 H( pBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…" x. Z0 ^4 B2 b8 q# p1 Z
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）* h7 [; R5 U0 e0 a, u3 M8 m. x
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。% ~. l8 w8 Y4 _+ o0 [' j
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
0 @* \$ o5 A, ~- r$ F4 G7 |后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
, q* a: c1 m! w" n9 P' nHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）$ T8 o, @# f# D7 Y+ ]  k% g! w
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
, a$ W. _0 U  i0 S. @+ E& vLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.8 Q9 Y: Y* R& e2 }4 M
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! J9 ^  K; T1 v6 B0 a接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。# h7 u! B* Z  V) f
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
' g% D! c( r  ZHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
: F! r; v+ K5 x1 w( @+ qWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）3 j1 ]8 X; a1 o0 ~  C& C' j
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
5 V8 }# j7 A  s* O8 ]Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?" p6 s8 N0 Z5 p. a
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）' c2 n; @) t8 m; k5 b; e  }4 @
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
8 Y% I6 d3 E% }' Q: E/ q( Z5 M8 EWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）  R0 _! ]; t( b" m! W* F2 u
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
- V# r+ Q' }- B0 Q7 C# h& A5 eWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）( F) x- W; d5 w- a* Y& L, _/ A
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
- b2 h& c: l- ~9 M/ A6 p（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……