《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。" G  c+ n! B$ z: u1 E
***********. I% I4 r6 S' k5 P" g. q& |
1．' h7 ~* C5 _& v/ U. t2 I, P) K
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。* v# @6 x. G4 i6 ~
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）  Z$ a6 {* i9 o/ R9 X
Holmes: I just picked it up.7 O8 h/ C% q1 F- m3 ~- {
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
2 c; Y2 S4 @( SHolmes: Knew I forgot something.# _! h' @" z% I5 R. u6 W$ _8 A& a
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
/ f) T8 G- I/ ^5 X5 ?7 ^Holmes: You did.0 A3 ^: ~' @0 z: j' S. s
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）: c% v+ a7 c! |
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
$ n. X* V  C2 W( ]' Z! o2．
- q( i8 b9 Z" _  m8 U! z/ ]宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。' b2 e1 @1 Q- a; ^1 ~2 C3 U
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
7 `* Q7 g; ^4 G6 g# x0 JHolmes: Granted.9 O1 ]6 @8 e* o
3.$ Y! V# F6 Y; L- D, C: R' _5 S
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
( h8 X% j/ r. ^9 m( n  _$ h; i! QWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
2 |$ y7 M8 \- M2 A1 ?4．! F$ O- x+ z9 @# y+ |; p: y3 W
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。6 y. C" d7 s+ N; E6 ~
5．" J5 A6 i: M, ^9 n. ?6 S
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。# f8 }# n7 h9 S( K% t+ N
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）0 D7 j4 o( W1 K  r9 J3 x+ s
6．
& h* [2 n" a! WHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
6 V4 [  J  x- \7．
2 X; n% G+ U/ S0 b' ^7 UBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
3 Z: C0 {% Y' L/ k& v3 t# c0 Y8．1 i/ ^* l8 ?' x% D; N, U
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
/ Q& z) ~  f, y  ^4 Q; Z0 [; T! @3 y（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
+ ]" E+ J! }* g, FIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
# x: i, O* |$ Z/ v6 UHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
. g1 D  ]5 Q+ t2 }4 K4 s; T& IIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.  g$ D7 o( _# e0 O  \! q( d- j
9．/ i6 l* x, c" ^( J
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。: r" ?& V1 S& o! h- o  Z2 w' i
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）# H, z' G2 L3 n9 K7 ?7 Z" A
Watson: Get that out of my face.$ \+ K, _8 x0 ~4 Z
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.3 }" h; R9 Z' w; n2 ~
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face./ ^  F' {" i5 G  M7 H
路人警官Clarky上场。
5 g6 ~( \5 _: Y, n6 D- ^Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.) `4 W& {7 X. y. ]0 }' N
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
) Q0 }% l  i* X- H得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
, F3 H8 z4 P( z8 N& m( e$ M' fWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?) \) k/ O; q% y5 y) z& L. S4 F
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not." w& p* u6 @6 G
10., ~0 ]/ j9 K9 [9 ~& y
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
4 t; o4 ], }. N) x* f: h7 P* g（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
+ e! F6 D/ Z# G: G. XHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.7 S* B8 o: e4 ~# C1 F; u0 h1 b% ?
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）; w, V9 p' h  y
11．
. w, N" E$ j; d/ T& `$ Z! E2 L河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
; ^* U2 ^+ p1 S  AHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）4 Z! K+ L1 n, q0 n
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
6 i2 `. w' [% R; q, |- F& g  gWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
* ^& r0 s7 Q0 J: V" I0 ?: h; u) [死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。- }& C* v! d- I6 \* X! B
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
9 ~: C5 |  l$ E( K后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
1 Q/ x- e. K* A5 a1 d6 d* kHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
2 B) p) R- A  @+ V( E12．
: W  q9 z9 e. X) [' g: {5 B: ^警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
2 W7 J4 O3 Y8 p! N2 CLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
8 D2 E9 Z5 w2 r1 I13.
& y6 N6 }7 c, `) x6 {: W9 _3 ?/ [  I接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
  l& [0 n" c: I/ n$ r! ?话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
/ b3 J& |1 E/ C' m- |# OHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）$ l# m5 v% V: w: p1 i7 {0 d
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）+ {9 O) G2 I3 `
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）" I2 d* V1 P; L$ ?; Y& w2 }3 z7 X
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?2 ^: [) W, K7 u- F5 t/ ~  k9 r" W
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）1 ?, B4 _; r" `) i6 I, |
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）4 {: V) ]+ U* B; e
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）" _' B! e; O: S! O0 h
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）* |. U5 s/ y% K: ?7 P
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）- K3 [& l; M; i2 ^+ f
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）3 l' _8 ~  J1 v; H' ]. C9 K% u
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
1 z1 c' u( t- x***********4 j4 D" M. e) U6 S6 t* L
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……