《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。5 H: ^9 p& n& {! I4 l  @
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。( ?5 p; v: b' ?' }; s" V
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
4 @! [; r6 {" J/ ?& ^6 [: _6 E" rHolmes: I just picked it up.6 w  F" A6 b$ o
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）4 o2 k, M  f' m. Q5 v4 L, u; z: y
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
6 l; j1 q1 a; q% bWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
0 ~0 K( s* p% {- `' c( IHolmes: You did.
* m% v2 V) B) z! E; x（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）: P; p( j' t) ?; E
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。. ?7 ?. {* A" H6 r
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
6 a' [; a* U, ^; [( VHolmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。( p0 q9 d: w) M3 G' C- ^$ }/ _
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）- F: o0 G6 o1 ?; w% F8 q
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/ O" B7 w- ^3 o! @* D2 [4 {拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。& n$ v- p3 \) |/ o' A
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7 |5 m5 z. x# a/ `Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。# Q* R) ?$ j2 q; r$ q  Q7 u
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）7 w. j- l/ h- p8 s% u
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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6 J5 N7 ]  W0 @# R. i7 aBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
5 _0 T( h3 |6 g7 t$ @（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
8 v/ o! {' i) Z. L; m5 qIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?4 `4 I! S- J) {
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）% q8 ?0 X1 ]6 w, z# d$ a4 p
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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2 ?) e: G( _! O, {Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。+ p2 \$ b& A# T0 g( r- f
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
+ D, c& E, j/ k) \5 aWatson: Get that out of my face.
6 G& t" v+ \% H% q1 ]% t8 L, n/ A7 {Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
' N) q2 K& |: X9 _& n# D: V' MWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.2 e3 q' y7 P3 K0 Z5 v
路人警官Clarky上场。
# X; B! x6 f& C- N0 {6 b+ I. t6 s# iClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
8 C% h4 z, \: W: @( lHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
: Q2 j1 q, H8 v% Z3 j9 _. X得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。9 R- }! ^! O/ n6 [9 O, ~
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
" e% u* H( |6 b8 k7 F' o: `Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.) {, |# S1 n  t( [( y# {
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。$ C6 a1 k8 E/ ^
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
/ L- v2 a. N7 U6 l: yHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
' v5 O( c/ o' S3 k9 L" i2 RWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）, P! k( z) }; |- I- P
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
$ B& A  x, |/ T) z. e- _Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）/ j& O. @1 f* M6 ?  F# i$ i$ m/ G
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
* z( I6 D" C- P3 L+ _9 Y/ uWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）/ @; I" a1 A+ S1 V% P' J
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
# F' o1 D6 w. v* cHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
  C8 P" F  T; N后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
' a5 p' X3 n" yHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）5 r* [7 g7 ^) L2 P4 [2 n  \: {
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。7 E6 G( p% b8 O; \6 }
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.6 h0 w' ?! s4 g2 n4 n
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。5 `2 P" p/ Z+ ^+ b" A/ t
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。8 k/ C8 z+ e/ ^* g6 I( i
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
' ?; ^- h' S  U" j% CWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）3 W9 g# g9 _5 Z( v7 K8 O
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）5 q% M$ N+ a# f0 v: A* o
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?$ m4 N! C% e) y( y/ N1 g9 G8 W
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
. t9 z' J# c8 k' a" mHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）0 q( B  q5 N! U& W7 F2 y8 J
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
. Q: z3 Q6 J: w* ?# w, lHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
; ]4 L8 X* r7 g- j( zWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
$ u  Z/ h& r7 N- S) M1 X' mMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
$ i. o! l+ F" R4 z7 R- t（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）) @/ q8 |: v# N9 \! `
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……