《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。3 F& D$ S- f" U7 q+ V* h
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。! q4 ?- N3 X7 X0 C
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）8 S! `: t+ F& C) E; D/ q: e
Holmes: I just picked it up.0 R! k* ]+ ^7 M" ~2 e
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
! i- m9 i$ [, m! x7 h$ [Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
& H: @- T7 Y4 H4 E0 ]Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）* h5 [( c3 P  p' p/ \; `% i
Holmes: You did.% c* Q- |4 Q" q5 M& |" y
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）& Y" r  Z; E+ e& D, r
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all., |2 E: S9 L9 E3 [- _" [
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7 e9 {' i- Q$ t" h) w# g宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
& }* C: B/ Z1 h% aWatson: Permission to enter the armory.1 n9 s& u( H/ n# }
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。# m' H9 o% Y7 ^) [, X2 Z2 a, b/ R
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）6 N* W/ f# I' c$ T+ b, w
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) y1 L6 G8 H6 c' V- @% W+ g" i拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。% B0 q! ]9 A: w, d
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。* y/ {& W' z- j6 ?1 B
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）# [' F6 _/ V0 b$ Q3 z/ [& I( N7 {
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。1 ~6 f; U' P& Y% K) Q
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。1 Y" V3 d2 F" s8 E0 B) R
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）2 ^. K5 M$ M" @# T% u0 G
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?: v$ I4 _2 }3 ?1 d( {
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
3 O! ]+ V! T$ H' q: w2 \8 N7 k2 J$ BIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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# ?' \$ N4 A7 C% R6 Z2 u; xIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。& ^7 Z- [1 K* M; U
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
# W4 t) S+ H! G7 K, q+ tWatson: Get that out of my face.
2 ~5 [! M$ l, h3 l( ~+ vHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.# q( j1 u5 @2 y) C( m$ K. I
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
" ?" Q2 ]  Q: A  k8 I路人警官Clarky上场。6 s2 U; g- A# Q& y
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once./ v' L+ O* B( H6 V) L4 F2 ~
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
/ l, O/ j9 L* Z3 y! q/ B! H+ a得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。! S, d2 c' G( E& G( t
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
% t: q, S+ t, r# D) P/ C* iHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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' u# f6 N) i) F$ @. R4 m- \" y墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
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2 k  m: }: R9 {- z1 |% IHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.7 Z$ e) e) j. s0 R3 p) k
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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2 ?4 ^1 l, g4 M  U河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
. }7 ]# ?% |6 ]# Y* cHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
4 G5 L/ x: B) m9 G2 A# r( j/ w" D# MBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
2 W( Y- f9 [$ b- x7 YWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）/ H5 M+ C: D7 X! ]- v) ]
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。) L9 H' r* s% ]( J
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
0 ?& H9 r. i8 p7 M- p0 e$ g后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
0 H% b* k+ N$ r+ Y( t0 p* _, IHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
* Z! E+ Y! r: ^& n$ p2 oLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
' F. N6 a9 ]# q: B话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
$ L) z  K/ l+ F6 hHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）" m4 z  O0 |5 r, H- q
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
3 E8 }$ `. M& gHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
+ M! I& D& D. D+ m% |/ EMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?; u/ Z( `" a; M& w
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）4 B5 |' R# q; i1 m, {2 Y
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
& V0 C* Y9 E' |( U1 WWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
1 N' E% c7 [9 p/ F/ ]9 G6 ~$ lHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
9 l! O/ s5 E) u2 z0 AWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）# ~& Z# D- j# X/ n3 O* I1 b
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
& f: y: L2 {4 N; b+ K（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）% X3 g& U; u9 N; o( Q# x" e
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, q/ }3 i$ N0 e: j0 w6 _% r( ]2 M总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……