《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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% j/ B7 h. w6 O4 p8 x! M# c影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。0 H* y) ~( {' u" v$ M6 H# Y2 d
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
! H0 T2 X& O. b# _6 THolmes: I just picked it up.
* a- w4 O! i5 e+ ]  kWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）9 n$ D) V- K) w, W: w
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
7 T8 B7 Z- N: m8 J# U  Z4 N! B- kWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
# ]: I1 n1 J! rHolmes: You did.
  A8 B3 \  K0 h/ Z6 G（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
1 ]9 Q" ?/ G8 U* H& M' |0 sHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.9 |" n. Q: b3 X$ K; V6 q
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, h+ T5 r4 Q2 X1 U* _5 M: H宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
% R' m7 `0 y: S' P: O) ~- tWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
5 Y. S3 c+ b* Z) aHolmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。* U2 \$ ]! W2 u' q
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。6 K1 o# ~% z# W- b3 R
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
+ ~( G( S, c0 D9 qWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）% Y  M0 F$ u/ i5 C
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/ a, l" C$ [4 h. V& oHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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/ z( v5 q! O) x  X5 y( y( jBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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7 ~+ y1 U  s: u' E. R0 gIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。; p5 M- U6 [5 J: d/ p9 T& h5 @- X+ p
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）* M4 `6 _" d: Z2 B
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
* ?2 C9 M9 @; W' s6 X: _Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）4 V" q! G1 j& g" Q5 \
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.- z) Z0 u) m; F" b+ H' z: V
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。$ W+ D) b  Y1 ]& Z! _  ?, u
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）: B+ `7 j9 q/ }1 n. r
Watson: Get that out of my face.7 b1 C% ?& X3 Q# U: W8 ?/ U
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.- o2 r4 n% f& d% `
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.. J2 t3 G& n& z1 \8 U; y) |
路人警官Clarky上场。* m$ T, u7 E8 d) ?8 o
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.& C$ S: `' d4 I$ Q8 t" o) F0 q
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）! T" ]% Z* b% _9 [2 S0 Z- `& J" H
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
# p" x8 V$ }0 z( G3 e2 aWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?$ x9 [! J1 H4 O) r2 c. i$ S
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not." X1 n) Y% r' Y1 {9 G: o* z5 X
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
/ ~( J/ G, e# x8 t0 A9 w0 [（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）3 p0 ?) H$ p* X8 b; d* ~
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely., B5 R+ M* M: L# U8 e
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）+ }/ E8 v0 Z$ I
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。/ J/ c- Y; e! l) ^3 O6 n4 ]
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
4 {7 H! _' a# X/ \Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
# W1 a2 W* ^$ c: hWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
# m8 i# d! O* X) p死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
5 z. S8 K: o: z2 S# \  M2 P  l$ QHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）0 M3 J! o4 ]2 h' z5 ^
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
9 [0 k3 F3 a* `- Y& \: b5 H5 |$ fHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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9 @" h  R7 x. M7 F2 h5 m) m3 l警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
7 I) U; x' C) i; f; g3 X2 o2 c) O, YLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.7 u2 P" k) r3 k) ^, D5 I
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2 M: |2 S% B4 i7 A/ e& T# k接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。4 B' x( c" q2 l# |7 Q& ^0 O( g3 d
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。) ?  {, j  d" ]) K* e
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
" U: Z& \2 l. N* [7 \# \' c/ LWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）# N: Z6 c/ H6 V& v/ J
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）; B' I* C& K6 k" E* B  ~& m5 U
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?, L/ f8 g$ C, n# A
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）7 u' X5 Z2 M! H9 ?
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）9 m9 Y( \3 _3 U
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）+ J; O+ k9 T: ~! ~0 E' _8 h& _
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
3 j3 w( o: l- S! h( LWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
3 D6 Y! ]7 ]2 `# }Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）" h- ]1 k( c, t& \. s. t! H
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）, o  E2 K; t( m* y* Y
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……