《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。! `0 i7 e% Y8 R" S$ S- F- e# a
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
) c4 `5 `5 G4 u! x1 aHolmes: I just picked it up.
+ ~- T7 Z6 e: k; v, b  FWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）5 ^+ ?% I0 ]0 Q+ ~
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.# ]( W5 h5 L4 W. C/ @
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）$ H0 V( \4 p7 ]3 l& Y0 U
Holmes: You did.
6 Y% |; W2 f9 g! R（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
2 ]7 O3 T) ?9 Y6 Q7 ~Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.& B5 A1 q0 a" [2 t% g
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。! S/ A$ _! V) {9 R
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.7 @' D7 y& q" W( T3 n
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
0 ~% w5 }& N1 q5 u: a" H5 U& t9 iWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）3 _' X: p( f& D) ?
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4 ?$ l" R) o3 Q拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。- O3 c4 F, I2 A8 m, |4 [) M
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）( \6 c% w! }7 E+ e% q3 A: z3 C
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; j! n* h( G7 s/ RHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。% k) A4 f$ e4 [' f! Y, }
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。4 q5 w8 Q1 A  C& S
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/ ?0 x! b  g; l, dIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。* C0 V" Z2 ]/ U1 a* ^2 b/ T
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）. ?$ z$ @6 [3 d; B( p5 C* V3 U
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
; s5 `2 l/ j& c. x! n( J1 bHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
+ u/ y6 D" L+ z/ _  h: V$ eIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.0 o$ E9 ?. M) U
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
; [! V4 M3 `) N# }  h; e% |1 }Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）* j) v3 `3 `- n1 s3 w- ^( C
Watson: Get that out of my face.+ i0 p) w  i2 ^9 k8 O4 T
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
& y3 W3 L2 ?: w3 R4 T( WWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.+ V, i; u: K) |1 K( y3 L2 o0 K
路人警官Clarky上场。
2 U" L5 B7 K. UClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.5 {2 a5 f1 a& r* x; i
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）8 u+ {! T  }5 A! O8 J( D
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。* s1 f- E( c5 y& f
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?6 `% c: }1 l  ]1 |
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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! X  [6 G0 f8 a* ?9 Y墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。6 D  o* p; n7 D5 T3 [: o
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）) U' v/ P. s; u+ [) M
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
8 C" \. Y$ t  X. k5 ~4 OWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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3 c- O, z7 E8 J) K. d; m$ l* O' D河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。% ^; I- S3 w4 w
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）, k+ n# l- I, L% U2 U0 W
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
! `. Q9 r" E: w4 \$ }Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
( T8 n8 h5 S* g2 j3 `, S- g' q7 _死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。5 c% }& x5 N- d: j  S
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）' h  _- e! R. A' N
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
/ C* S/ @- M  qHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）) p- a# T( D6 \% }" ^
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; S+ N/ ?% @7 J$ \" Y警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。4 W4 N4 d; z2 u
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.) B! {( s/ _' L. S+ ~. u$ ]$ R" M# ~2 ^
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。5 S/ b$ }! Z: R0 B) r$ `
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
! n7 H! m, p8 x, s0 K' xHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
5 J; Y+ {& A5 L9 P9 GWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
& y' e1 i2 `* O# VHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
' O6 q4 x& F/ J6 yMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
5 E- u, L$ N" Z. `) b( xWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）- {/ }, A4 \8 n7 V1 j" v' k
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）3 {- I9 T: {- }
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
$ O4 Y7 g5 g4 F; fHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
1 s  Q. M4 g. O. `  N1 aWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）2 a& R9 D) a. z. n
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）/ w# o4 d5 ]( r1 q) g) o
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……