《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。: D8 b* W1 o; E0 a/ D
***********
, E4 `2 G1 P" h" v4 r1．
' w8 O3 {0 j4 E5 V* e' N影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。# P" |! a& B0 N* K
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
4 n$ F5 m- F& G# nHolmes: I just picked it up.
5 Y5 W. s! j  F- t# AWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
; p$ B9 j# ^3 P+ K2 {Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
8 A0 Z3 D5 \& y5 L- dWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
0 r4 S: ]/ _$ FHolmes: You did.7 ]) V$ T3 c5 u' T
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
  D) ]! T8 @3 lHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
7 K7 C* a8 z8 y) w# ^- f! Z2．( ^; X$ m6 m/ B' \, G
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
1 I3 z; S( z6 NWatson: Permission to enter the armory." y, Y2 H- a7 @+ H
Holmes: Granted./ U- B$ h& ~# m; |
3.
. q6 I* \# f- ?+ f/ z晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
! b% H3 o+ r" n9 Q- h' h$ `+ `Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）$ T  ^3 l5 U1 }( ^- y4 G
4．
9 s" J- f4 f5 }# S) o拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。2 u: [) V3 e3 O% u6 |
5．* c; V& y8 D7 s0 k$ f
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
8 |3 `6 }7 \) _( C  ]* uWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
0 l0 y9 g8 ~0 z9 \/ m6．
( @3 L) F- g/ Y' o  a, ?" g) cHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。4 D4 z6 A, f8 C( \6 W. w$ q. O0 [7 ]
7．* H% \7 e4 t. P4 D) s+ \" E8 @( X
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
- h/ D& `( P# z8．
3 p; w$ f7 ^% t% PIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。8 j% \2 t) k4 _+ g- r& d; q
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）' D5 a" X! l2 @% V( g; j
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?$ W) `, S2 O' z( U3 T8 ^
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
1 H5 l6 Y5 Q# u9 C+ QIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.& @" U; S8 S; Y2 z
9．
% x3 _; t8 w5 T" kIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
' X& f! h6 O4 }. WHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
6 ~3 y- a7 R# C  s* d5 nWatson: Get that out of my face.
1 N5 r. C- j8 t# vHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
3 `: P% u) S+ Y- x, {4 e6 B9 @4 vWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
+ S8 o$ j8 l; L/ V' t5 v路人警官Clarky上场。2 J: V9 y: k8 x* q/ L; g
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.3 H) D; l& N8 k* _* R; y
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
. \8 _7 ]! S; u0 E9 a: }7 v( i得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
; ?& _# F5 }$ Y' e( j! E1 KWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?9 G" D- S, K% Y6 E
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
: \8 }3 D' ?" X: [" @10.
! I( K1 t( u0 D; X* h  V墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
* Q" M1 [. G4 c' q7 R* @+ o- G（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
3 w7 b$ @! i( E& ^& THolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
; |" A5 B, a/ X0 HWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）: O' }8 L3 j2 D
11．
& R0 O8 @, g5 c8 H! V! l) P3 p河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
, u7 Y3 G- _) i' ^2 l6 N( n0 {Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
- q* K: H5 S. @' RBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
$ k/ i4 q' U8 f3 m( KWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
4 P' w) n; \3 O死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
5 {/ Z  C( J$ m7 w( {% pHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）/ }" R$ W& t2 L% t* }) _) m
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
) Q; y5 s3 x; @5 \1 qHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）+ A9 ]+ y0 U* W
12．
, {2 B# s8 c7 \( P7 S% i# i9 `3 v警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。5 Q$ T- Z" Z* r7 `
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
  y% M. f1 r* t. j9 ?13.8 p5 Q' V# U0 g! N
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
" r- h( ~$ f3 S8 a# r4 l话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。, ]) H' g/ q" `: G8 |% @! a
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
$ f( l+ |, j6 s9 s0 g/ hWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）( z0 m7 ^5 k5 ^/ M. L* P; F
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）5 M$ [' [( \; o  [: w: E" s
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?6 F: p. `# G$ [* v- G! R9 V2 h
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
% _# d  s0 U- h* \' K6 x0 gHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）4 d0 d, v1 ?1 @! y( I0 o
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）: u" C# G8 s2 ]: e! c1 m7 z4 J% p
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）) i, E* C% f- |/ \, W) z- w' N% o2 Y
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）4 y" |  M  x) a& h. f
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）- \1 |$ o0 s* W9 B5 ^8 V; f
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
6 x) N+ t, C3 T***********
6 X# W. g' |) q6 `2 U总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……