《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。" U* N4 c/ F+ b$ N
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4 B8 f+ ?/ t  U3 l# B- q2 R' k影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。( W. M" m/ G3 L/ h
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
/ ^, H! Z4 N, p. q( AHolmes: I just picked it up.( C) \; g  y  p1 ]1 g  x* E4 ^2 A
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
9 O8 R+ a1 |% ]; O3 _; V4 Y4 w/ `Holmes: Knew I forgot something.' Q+ E1 D& z% E* f- M" T% k" H) ?
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
! Z% K7 K3 d8 M" h* O1 I; N5 P& x. W& dHolmes: You did.
( g, z: \+ T; A" o5 p: T（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
3 w& s* l8 a, C# wHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.+ \  S, u4 z3 w9 u+ M1 Z% }
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
9 E2 \/ i- U) R% NWatson: Permission to enter the armory.# S% N6 }, J- N3 @
Holmes: Granted.
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5 O. `- F! e. Y7 H# S" X晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
6 z. m" k  h% X; s% `9 V$ v1 [* [Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）8 P" v: s" z# k2 |  q
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2 u1 w5 t5 d5 {2 Q& m拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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. P/ P2 `  A3 a. kWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
# x" g3 a. C# t$ a( xWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）3 _1 c( F2 j4 @" a
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。- X$ z2 ]8 h5 A  {# z) E8 I; E+ d
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3 B, y4 r1 `/ L2 U# hBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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) p# F( ~: o2 FIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。, `* j! q6 B9 w
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）: }) ~. ]/ }' W5 ~6 K4 {# \4 `
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
) ~: {8 }2 ?1 a/ T" Z% YHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）% f- w, r: S9 X
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.# b2 C" j0 i: M$ B) o! U
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
" N0 z, k$ T! L4 a6 bHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）! n( B1 a8 s9 I; n6 R7 o% w' T9 \
Watson: Get that out of my face.1 q( o, t) D6 ]; Q
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
/ s" t7 f6 K. v$ j7 _& _% C; kWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
, s* m- N6 ^4 [7 C. Z( r5 K路人警官Clarky上场。( z* t/ t7 T- ^% x  A9 V  L! C' b
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
" R- b. t: F, l5 a! F9 }% v$ RHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）7 G+ I) p) ^9 p# f2 `
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。/ U4 q% L* S( S( @! n5 F
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
* {/ I% S* _6 bHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.' _, m  N; t4 d1 h" w3 r5 D3 W
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
% T8 A' t- \+ N, F, Z" l! p" n5 J9 d（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
' s4 I9 J* |% o, ]$ YHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.; Z. t( C& K5 V
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）4 R2 r: E" o" J8 i1 q" @% @
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6 u: O4 {6 J4 {/ B; ?8 o7 B# D河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
: Z; X! L! f) z' O1 THolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
2 `% B* ]2 P/ ]2 q5 Q7 A& P$ MBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…6 K7 Z! N. |) s+ E" J7 o
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）9 Q5 {. s% ?( P% u6 r
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。- ^9 V) H/ R# E3 k1 ?# G0 W1 S1 E
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
" |+ |6 k/ H# x+ D2 s8 I后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。' g, A: M/ Z; H0 T6 m9 B
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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  `/ k3 ]  k2 F* S, l, K警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
" Y. h; i7 N1 ?Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.# l3 k( p; f2 J0 |- ]) Y) I+ P) _
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。0 W" b  h8 s  `1 L
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。9 j) {7 q9 n) }! P
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
- v3 ]# ~% r2 o' ?( \' M) f3 bWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
: z- f& r, P* {1 JHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）0 _5 P" v. ?. c! D& P) h
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
7 G6 a" R6 b( b2 \4 D  sWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
( B& O1 h8 c/ X0 T' \" }Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
  q$ E9 D7 U, uWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）$ j( w+ d7 B) i- _
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
, D. P. b: I* n. ?7 X3 CWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）+ o$ S1 Y# m& Z. d! _% Y  p
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
. z; F  Y% W2 B1 U3 F4 s1 i' D8 x（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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8 i& i: c, x$ x% ^% h8 `总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……