《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。6 f1 N) _( g0 Q
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# K3 {2 f/ c  v4 {) f4 O影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
/ W& _" S+ ], [- jWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）- [6 u5 V$ c2 D  y4 Q
Holmes: I just picked it up.# ?6 a3 |7 q! f0 }$ r
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）/ e9 ^1 ~2 i- w  n5 S5 {; I
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.7 e4 k+ R- U# O5 O
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
# O- \! I% _* h: C8 N; B7 `, ^Holmes: You did." }5 e" i4 I9 |) ^$ ?/ C
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）0 U' Q% J+ q2 D: _8 x
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.+ ~$ K+ }" u  l% u9 E! l7 X8 v# h
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。% q9 y3 I% V0 {0 P% i6 I3 |
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.# H0 p( A& V' V' u3 t2 a
Holmes: Granted.
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2 d; X' g% U. o+ {晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。0 |! n( M+ l* g$ F
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）( I0 q  S0 r2 F2 ~" S( J
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, u; ]% q) ]) i. b; x2 _拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。8 k  b+ k% X" k: K' q3 Z
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) ~; ^7 f; l. ?. Y& Q* p1 ^  g) ?Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。5 h" q" q4 H& M2 h  X: l
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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/ U) P$ l+ m: V5 |. j1 d6 A3 JBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。. J2 h0 v) \% T9 Q
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）9 R5 m6 o/ `' }8 f/ C/ H
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?+ m5 t7 M0 F+ z, f2 H0 n
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
& l8 o6 A: \& X4 {1 b9 [$ B! KIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.8 R  Q' Y! R- V3 @6 |
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: ]- c  W& I4 x, U& p7 UIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。$ ]; c8 n& G7 Y, d' M; \; ?
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
* W% _% [. X5 e- u+ ^% jWatson: Get that out of my face.+ E% `% j; K+ B$ G4 g$ N$ B
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
# g7 U; j8 G1 K( YWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.9 F+ Q' U$ m5 u$ E: n
路人警官Clarky上场。
' x* P6 s, f* H+ E( uClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
" W1 M$ d! ?( U0 j% v, v9 c+ JHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
5 T7 W" V' Z/ n! M+ A6 ^& r$ l得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
! j+ p9 L, X4 FWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?. v# I+ k5 R3 O+ X7 A1 U
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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0 p: d* S- [' W8 ^  A  g+ _墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
* A. t& r' O% t% T（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）) W: C# v3 s" B. `
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
- A7 X( I& o( M* |7 HWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）& \# I7 e0 s6 R* [) d: ]" a
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
. ^! p0 U, b2 P2 h1 u/ y% GHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）+ s8 V8 q3 U& V" P
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…1 B; R$ }! d$ H' F, v! e! z
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
2 w- {% n, X0 J/ v9 l. C死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。6 i! I" j: v% E
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）& W, s$ d0 P* p$ C$ c
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
- B# v" E" p. ^- |" I9 yHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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1 a$ H8 d4 b2 Q警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
8 e6 n: m" C, G9 [; b) p$ rLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.* ]; p+ T" [4 L; [# A/ W$ O6 Z
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
1 y" m' l$ V/ R  e5 ]4 z+ H话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
! t( ?( ~) v1 xHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
0 _2 p/ f6 g- I1 q0 u# F$ sWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）/ w3 R9 N: O0 L; E9 k
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
, @! Q) s( ^# c. t. c5 `0 dMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
% V- {8 T+ C* T! jWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）; |* F: h- g4 |5 ?) o
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
7 U, ^9 Z) K0 D( I& k: XWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）- r: y5 V. e( W6 o+ R/ T* f  b; ]
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）7 @, z1 z7 s4 N% E. ^4 x
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
1 o3 m# I9 w; ^6 b0 t$ WMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）$ ?7 |! [, u# e4 l" H5 A
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）8 t5 f" D" n: i! t
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……