《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。2 W* G2 W6 E1 H$ u! |8 ?/ L
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- s# |- c2 n6 M影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
0 @; m7 p- ~# [& C% l) f8 \' S2 HWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）" j1 d7 R. \. L& e4 v
Holmes: I just picked it up.) [( f6 q5 r' d: x  |
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）) {: l  V5 l. @
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.) b, E4 p% ?) H& b
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）' M. R3 W* Q' e0 J2 j; H* B
Holmes: You did., V2 h0 |' a" \0 a+ ~6 R3 s
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）% Y: L: l# b! {% m: F% d
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。5 Z0 R: C7 X7 W/ U
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.9 E5 l. B! \* I
Holmes: Granted.
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1 e6 d5 x1 e4 `晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。- o% E+ d' @. }, z. C' a
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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: \. w/ c8 E" i  y拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。& }* w2 I; o  N
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0 O- V5 e* f2 N5 J9 K; yWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
( V$ r+ o- q9 Q5 tWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）: }0 v6 ^6 }3 x2 Q7 m6 Y, {
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。* F" M' ~' w$ k; J
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: f( j9 [' A  I% r8 aBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。! Z/ C- X0 v1 o0 e" {) A" z
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0 k/ L+ E/ d& e% k; @Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。: b) u) |' z6 z: k3 o( k& o, K
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
; j" g% t3 n( {1 W8 a, c* W# Q  YIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
8 o7 q; D# @: M1 mHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）- \+ Z- ^: w  i# |
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope." F. R/ `/ @7 q* m  B# @
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" _  I0 l2 [. uIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。8 i0 L/ t: ^# @3 w9 \/ r
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）' \+ S0 f" N! V: P! M5 B$ A
Watson: Get that out of my face.& I7 g9 }, W/ D& w* E" \% \& t& z
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.7 d& u0 d/ b4 a/ ?9 G
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.7 g" R- {+ y( {
路人警官Clarky上场。) G8 F" B  W2 ~8 m
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
9 a4 S0 o% U" d: B7 }/ bHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）6 K" L0 ~  @2 R6 h  x1 [
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
( C/ m0 c' r7 m4 @$ ^Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
6 g- _0 T; j( ~+ pHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.2 w0 h) m6 ^. t+ s
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; Q8 H- a! a" q- N1 I墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。# K" Q- V0 t, f* ~$ J/ X! [
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）5 m) n' x# N, [
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
6 T3 L1 V( e3 @6 z6 ?1 lWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）& e0 e8 Z4 t3 `4 L, @5 _
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。* f/ b" O4 a2 |/ Q* ^4 h
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
7 [6 G! T/ T8 g/ d3 z$ |Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
, \- N* P5 @7 w% h7 |Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）7 n8 Q) [: c8 k( ]  h8 j6 [
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。3 t8 x+ T7 w: o# ^" y
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）4 t' V$ U7 l) R) _1 s
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。7 d7 b# U6 j/ |! [7 P* Q) t
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。+ X9 k! X/ z9 e/ T
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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: c; W: o# B' |; Q接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
# z( P" z9 t# B: s% a话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。; G' T* s; ^  a5 k
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
( r  x% e& y, p& ~Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）% w' F7 ~' X5 M9 u+ g
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
% z. b% L! a4 s# F" R- l. \Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?1 h" u3 a+ q+ u' |& J2 g
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）0 @7 ~5 h! m# i( ~+ F
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）1 q& \3 k; [3 N2 p% Y. d. n; l
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
* o7 F+ I2 f0 i  Y3 L- w8 `; AHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）5 H. T- F0 x7 L2 [( @
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
% ~( C/ ^, y% U! P1 ?; n+ |Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
* |8 U) Q/ R) {! T+ S4 C0 B( U( N（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）: |$ C) A1 M$ Z1 r% D( i
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8 H9 A, Q/ W9 R3 r/ K( ]总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……