《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。- r. E) _9 ]& t+ w
***********- P9 V& j, u' n0 k7 {
1．
% d3 ^  z/ r3 i影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。% Y: f+ m. r4 s, g& }
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）" s! I0 d4 \9 q* F, r: l1 D
Holmes: I just picked it up.8 d: d% R1 q9 ^! m; g8 J' S7 E' b
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
1 [2 `( m4 M2 T8 G6 R- `" n) ]1 THolmes: Knew I forgot something.  w+ \, s4 \$ X$ ^6 n7 E1 r0 D
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
# D0 f' T! S) a" \" zHolmes: You did.
; r2 f/ I4 D3 k# [（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
9 G; E1 g5 I. h, n1 B8 Y: Y4 e' KHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
! ~2 w( A/ B, @. o2．" s7 c8 [; g9 \8 Z2 l& T
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。2 [8 l; O! B  ?8 |
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
* V7 |* E$ _5 `$ X( o7 UHolmes: Granted.! g8 H2 h7 f% G6 Z* }/ d
3.0 L& u  u/ L3 n# D9 U
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
2 [$ j( }- z+ c! f# GWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
% t+ A) z+ A; @/ p* K4．  M2 @' Q+ A, X- e" V$ v
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
" J# U' o$ f: [+ G5．
# l! E- `' K- s2 _9 f) iWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
  P# b& }+ I2 q+ b) J. X9 CWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
% ]' Y  |' Q7 z4 m6．
" }8 w* {8 R) P: F3 d3 qHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。2 ^; w$ Z3 S3 S4 a' u, m
7．" y- i, ?- `  b. N% w: X7 D
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。9 ^7 H, P8 Y8 K5 `
8．7 e0 U, Z4 f/ K+ x+ a' j& c! q
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
: u; G5 G) V% D. f3 }$ b! x. j（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）; z$ @- S% C+ _/ C, P" v
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?$ b& s  C4 f' V7 {
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
, J" B: @  |# e3 SIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.% ]7 l; D( G4 _, }4 i5 h; D
9．0 n: r! M" W  J  B- X4 L
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。% T) _3 m# k7 i) I7 U: B- O' k
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
" b6 h9 i( y! iWatson: Get that out of my face.
5 l; P6 b8 D0 \/ ?4 U/ z! CHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.- r! x/ I) C9 m
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
! n0 h. Q9 y0 ?, a路人警官Clarky上场。+ K! c0 G1 z0 \3 l
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
4 y- ]0 P: ~# |4 q; HHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）7 V9 ?" A+ h! {
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
: ?3 \2 b4 O- N6 JWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?+ T) D8 K6 g% B) b  s5 A3 Z
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.  S- E! x: z( \4 s% _7 k& e
10.
! M  B9 L0 W1 B墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
. a" }# S8 C+ r（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
! O  ?; }" Q7 g5 p9 K1 `Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
. o+ ~2 E9 |- w- \+ l9 u% `Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
) o8 F1 ]. F- H) d11．
6 c/ H3 h9 }+ m4 v7 t0 T河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
$ T9 a# W: o4 {* mHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）) I% q! ^. t% @5 C. A, u/ c! A
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…- Z) A. c, e! K* \' w' Y) B
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）8 C- J% i0 D9 D# Q% n- d9 l
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
. u$ ~2 {: F; r0 L+ @7 N- tHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
+ O% j7 J9 t( m+ {后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
: T  I5 C+ V3 f/ O1 KHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）/ I$ X& ^2 [* N/ i. I/ J
12．
+ z' V7 u$ X8 {* V9 i& R警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。+ A; h0 s+ m  r6 e' H
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.6 U" f& n- i8 `+ G% \
13.
7 E4 y6 {, p) q! V1 s# [; |接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。* f0 V$ }4 ?3 `( g: R' a: X5 g
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
: ]$ u( H' P' \' v& Y! m2 aHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
' _  S4 u# g6 l6 pWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
2 h4 s1 p% |# A, n0 F' q1 IHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）$ v' O8 l5 f' v0 ]7 N- f
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?# K" \3 f' l9 A, X# q0 o: e
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）* Q# T7 I( U4 _, A/ {1 S
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）) u& _$ d4 d1 X0 O0 ^1 t
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）+ s; A7 K- C! t3 q( M
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
& G$ B# i9 S" ]3 }/ N" O% LWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）# D- U7 t7 u( J3 d  e9 ?# k
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
8 }; \: x" B3 o0 Q! Y6 t9 o+ F（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
, s4 o5 i' ^5 ]1 Z# O***********
! ~8 ~/ d7 B2 P总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……