《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。6 b; \3 A1 R3 i$ F- z
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。9 H6 O8 s/ Y; ?9 k
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）$ Z0 r8 k% ]- i8 [1 M  w# r
Holmes: I just picked it up.
, T- [3 S- \; fWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）7 E5 G8 U! N$ }8 R) K0 K0 @
Holmes: Knew I forgot something." [5 W+ P5 h% o; B# i8 J
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）6 O/ s  V" j9 v1 D0 k* E# \
Holmes: You did.
! ~* O+ p  o0 x3 h) G# d; X0 b  d8 D& m（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）( C% ]5 c+ Z$ c& D
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all., E* `+ a* F# J8 V8 S" z. S
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
: ?+ a+ a# O8 pWatson: Permission to enter the armory.$ H6 @. k5 b( B; R
Holmes: Granted.9 Q: M1 H  ~# B2 |
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。; C7 ]6 C- }. S; z6 \, K. P! k
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。3 F* W- c* U$ J9 A% H
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" U' `# n! y8 y$ vWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。( ]" i0 |/ r' `
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）+ [7 W( d: W# Y; H! \- ~
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- F1 H7 ^: B  S9 HHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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/ H5 L+ Y/ O+ `- J3 e- t& K" x- F* SBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。* Q8 ]6 o/ M+ S' e+ @  L
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! E; I6 T. ]5 DIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。6 W: Y& r. `* f0 |2 F; j+ S, `
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
0 c0 p' G+ {$ Z! D! PIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
: M( v( s1 ~4 R- C/ t0 t+ N( Z6 wHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
  k% O+ @! o* B, T4 DIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope." d5 B6 V: ?0 ?/ h6 ]% C) ~' N' U- s
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。* Z7 f3 b* T4 Y) u3 e
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）; `8 G4 z: z* L, `  R# Q% X
Watson: Get that out of my face.1 i) B& [& q7 {3 t, f
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
9 [" C  O" s5 A3 `- ?+ ^2 fWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
- I; z* d! ~0 G8 m  j) n路人警官Clarky上场。, _" B. z) L) f+ B. v, H
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
0 J9 ?& g  A( G/ p, Z, i. lHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）2 m4 g( L/ W- ]+ m4 Z, @. R
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
) w! m2 H  @. t/ pWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?' I2 j0 s5 ^0 F  f. J* _1 b: [+ w
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not." m# n: u- b4 \4 w
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。1 I# ?5 C& L% }# y7 J
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）8 K( c. I0 Q/ n+ `5 D) N7 k- I4 t
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
: k* O. h. g5 c* fWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
" y" o2 i8 t. ~9 N& F' W1 |# aHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）* n; o  a: C, q9 j0 q6 r
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…" z1 N: Q  D" @$ u  U: p/ X: |
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
+ v1 D6 X0 z# U  |, [1 w% w' |死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。# H: w! W* j1 B- C1 y) u1 j' X
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）+ @8 l( b3 ?  l
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
0 i8 w0 U# g3 k4 MHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。% ~5 x6 j* D8 c, ^3 ~
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.9 W" [$ w5 e$ r. N6 a) Z
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# B' h( U: E$ N: Z" ~接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。/ d0 {" `8 q; e  W6 j+ P' C  C
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。4 d) N5 _% j8 [% H& [8 S1 D
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）6 N9 A/ u0 ?% V2 w' y" \
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）- w  e& K, t4 s3 c; i
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）, ~+ O+ f( Y" j4 J6 }2 K  i. h
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?5 \3 b* J5 f. Q. l" Z6 i
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
/ q- W( b4 Q# U" h4 ~Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
/ n; C/ D8 r" _  K  H7 [0 nWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
4 d6 u7 I5 ]; SHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
& y* i' v* j% Q% XWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
2 [: K" ^- [1 K8 p- h7 O/ GMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）+ L5 v$ P( g1 ?" }2 }  V) [( `
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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# Q7 i# F  J; s* J总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……