《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。% ?; D2 U, n- x' _7 \4 o# a9 g
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4 j. o; ~$ h  }0 Z* Q6 Z  C/ X影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。& |# u) [  y- A5 i* a+ Y
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
5 \- z# }7 X9 G. M) Q  p7 w% wHolmes: I just picked it up.2 u- D2 K2 A1 |% K
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）9 v' s- s& R& C- i" G
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.9 {- @7 W. w5 X6 j
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
4 K- Y" T- z" a1 A4 c, Y3 U3 v! `Holmes: You did.
0 E" p5 o7 P1 F4 D( W5 I+ G9 l, G（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）' \* ~7 [: E- J' V
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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9 r- |, D, |7 ^3 m; N宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。, l/ M9 y& u( V0 i; {
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
. |' i1 V6 e  C; M, MHolmes: Granted.8 _8 G# W' O: w9 k& x
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。4 k1 G6 }5 W- `3 X' h" w, r! T+ d
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）- b+ J% u8 T/ ~  e9 J
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7 P) I1 A/ G+ j' {拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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& p5 y4 n# Y% h2 UWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。9 j/ ^* _3 O: q) ^$ F
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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  Q6 g# L" }/ a/ v) |Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。! q  B) ^! N5 t, a; n# u5 L
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: K) {8 |* \% h5 e9 p# l  xBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。  d, Z  P$ W; M- C1 [2 l
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）1 W# _3 |4 v  _' t/ o. P
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
# Z/ K7 N! \0 p" HHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）3 X/ Q/ w$ k; P  V) x: e
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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" f$ h0 t8 Y$ ~" ]Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。0 I3 q6 I+ l8 c
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）7 i: o& w7 C6 ]; ]) m! ?; L
Watson: Get that out of my face.
5 E6 E6 {0 h) h8 |2 hHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
7 u( ?3 i7 I" B2 A8 i; U" tWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
$ {0 [4 E8 f  n. Z% S路人警官Clarky上场。
5 @9 g6 t9 w$ fClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once./ |' b% g, I3 ?* u& a
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
& t+ X3 `$ R/ a4 ^得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。) z5 ]. o* X/ Y6 t3 f8 V$ r" B9 Y
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?7 o4 u2 S* @" e6 |
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.. s; H4 p; f: u$ [7 A: F+ O
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
9 O% p0 S$ b* k. d0 t+ o2 s* h（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）% y; N6 C1 L$ \6 O( J2 }
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.- t9 ?" I7 y6 F' ~4 }9 y
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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. X- }  D* N: b. K河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。7 C" v( z) o4 r4 Z: b2 Q6 W6 p
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
* Q+ v4 n2 o5 T  Q+ U' m# y% H4 R* qBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…! ]# t& y3 \9 @  {3 L) w! H
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）7 V6 }0 Y9 U, D+ U' e& ?; |: ?5 w
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
1 v; n( o' c$ ~! U1 ^6 P3 ]! RHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）4 v6 H, _0 N" t/ V5 k1 x1 ?, \
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
  g# w0 b9 }" l9 UHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）# J: Z3 j& G1 I- [* O" K6 P$ ^7 N
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) L* Y  m, t3 x' N1 r警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。: d$ i- E$ C9 O* d3 W5 z
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.5 a1 Q1 {) K8 w0 i. @1 D: D! E- j4 j2 Y7 J
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
, R/ t) A6 |. j+ i! C话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。1 W9 j9 S% |2 x  P
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
' G$ f/ m5 P- v* PWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）! W5 K4 _7 k+ y& p2 r* e
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）( ~( i1 p2 h. n, h
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
  E; D8 y# W. e1 K/ |0 t, }Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
; t/ \1 l& F2 A- [Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
& [# ]; U; r9 a* y7 q/ ?Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
& y* ^8 d4 f2 _Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）# }, m/ R. x: \2 Z
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）8 B2 `0 X3 O5 y: u# r  {1 E
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）$ }9 r. `) }) V: w* o
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）3 ~, G9 s1 q0 X8 F9 m
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……