《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。! {3 y4 _! h- X, U
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。0 b% v8 Z) Z5 G% Z/ }) N! z
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
/ y% Z7 I: H8 J9 l, U( [Holmes: I just picked it up.
$ u  M  F) x5 a. o) K, {Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）. a9 A9 ?; g2 C* h. K. g
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.; Z4 i% O+ ?6 d" ?
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）( i$ T, b8 O  P. L1 H
Holmes: You did.  i# c# N' ?/ S1 z7 f7 J
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
# F' r+ N" ~6 T1 k2 L+ ~Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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3 i1 g* k3 [9 Y宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。- u' S7 X3 m  L
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
- o  A& z1 J( |1 b$ F  rHolmes: Granted.
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1 i# T6 I# T! o: w: R& {晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
5 l6 R2 l& K9 X% z0 G; C1 m  fWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）2 ], E" t* ]! m: E( s  _
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。7 y% B$ J' d5 r/ E
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
$ Y7 F" k- ?' C0 D1 b+ m( u5 n( n& bWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。6 z! F. A2 L; q' B
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。8 F: @- u* A. Z% W
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。2 R0 b+ k  _# R" [' @) M
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
2 z* t% U9 X2 m7 S  lIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?; X) R* C4 ~: j9 M1 P; t8 r, |
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
; ~+ {& i0 r5 c# A( K! }3 WIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope./ G+ L& r" @2 ^% h. B
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
$ G: s9 @8 S* Q; ~; VHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）4 u# A9 f0 M! b# L" R4 A
Watson: Get that out of my face.* G' q1 P3 h( p( g7 D& j2 p8 y
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
6 R. f4 A7 i# m& ?$ {( v* NWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.0 A% Z" ?) m, j6 T0 ~$ O# I
路人警官Clarky上场。
2 c" h# |; I0 L2 g9 _Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.4 }. B5 W; t) Y- v
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
% M, p$ O  q( [- A得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
2 k' |: m8 K9 u7 ^0 O7 lWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
$ f! @6 \8 X/ |" x0 ^+ [9 A2 oHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。& ~8 x0 i) z1 ?2 T% H  O9 e
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）$ W# q9 `  |4 k$ Z& ]
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
. B, i; K/ V$ A6 D& ]" |4 IWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）5 Y5 C$ ]1 y3 k2 j* S! \" C
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& C  S. y' N0 s% {' d- c河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
# M0 R: f9 P. X8 K2 G: WHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
1 ^' U0 _: Y+ z* v- b5 ^# iBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
2 T5 F; c+ r! H& vWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）/ c% R. H# R4 t! I+ e
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。. ^" n$ L' F, Z  K7 P
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）- q% }; E1 i5 X6 s  J; |8 K
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
/ |$ K1 |: y1 S# c- fHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。9 x3 S; _) }5 y  h, R6 P
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.% r: m" l, N) D* V/ F! k& d
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
- J; A% Z! M9 b2 k话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。. j; u! n% j% h; W
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
8 X5 E  @  {% Z/ GWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
6 ?  m; P& ]# ~$ k1 lHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）3 y" j8 l& V4 w! W  P
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
% K2 G% F8 S! U! R4 p3 R; F" m. uWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
3 I5 t1 D( j/ XHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）, d7 M7 @$ t6 }
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）+ L2 G2 O; Y; u$ ^# P: l, i
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
" J( ]. p+ a: O- ?' ?Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
8 o8 g$ V* k, H0 b& r  m2 x! y- jMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
0 Y5 u% z/ T; b  |9 A% ]( E（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）& V4 ?% U& m; V
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……