《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。4 Q0 p( |) p# o/ @: W2 V8 f
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
* @; W% i! v5 dWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
/ s9 A, C/ v: q5 d1 q, A: W9 sHolmes: I just picked it up.
2 V+ E8 i- [' x' R3 p3 n* Z. ZWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
1 p  ~0 I' g, v2 Q7 r+ l) WHolmes: Knew I forgot something.1 u4 S' Z9 y  A  E- N
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
0 G) s$ i6 }1 @. @* ^. VHolmes: You did.
% V3 B+ O; Q2 f1 X- B, R. C（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）) W* x. `2 ^) I
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.2 [# a: J# T% r9 J7 }9 D! K
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。8 W/ P; W  U5 V/ x' ], q; x, |1 q# p
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.2 F- u) d6 }/ _' O! @
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
) t5 g3 \+ b2 {) GWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）, s# J8 Z) S% ^. t! A8 U; P
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) F# s& Q* Z/ [9 V9 ]1 @拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。  }1 d  U7 n5 J
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  Q1 d# x: H1 P# J- oWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。" E  S) J/ n6 g2 U  m
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）$ j3 M) \0 N6 a  }8 w4 O
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。! m) Q7 k5 ]* q- A& E* Q
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。( o. K& K/ i# L4 h/ E5 e. ?( O
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）6 L' }. p1 i  U+ R- |$ I0 a
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?2 a( _1 L0 J( I: N" f
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）) T6 b' H; Q8 O2 i( ?
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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0 F6 m( y! x+ D7 x4 MIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
/ E0 ?9 ]3 Q: `% U3 _( N* aHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
/ z: |. u/ M6 N9 {Watson: Get that out of my face.5 d. h% c0 m, Y  Y* o
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.  Q% s( O/ @+ p0 A& ^( N) I9 \
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.- s' O0 ?- s0 m
路人警官Clarky上场。1 S2 y" R$ P. l! O
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.% ^+ O) j7 Z% A# O
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
+ R0 ?8 O5 ]$ h得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
( j( {. _4 W+ m1 T& g: n% KWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
0 Q8 a) L! c, c$ rHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not./ U9 E& J/ ^  }3 Q! R: c
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' z' g' z8 ?! G1 {: ]: G! Y墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
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Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
. ^$ K: @' w! M1 ?1 ?, F2 g4 HWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。4 s6 D$ S7 U+ G/ e
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）9 K5 `' o; }0 Z
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
4 K( F- B- y: w2 d. UWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）9 s3 O$ v7 E/ Z' N* Y  q2 d
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
/ W5 N! p" m. Z7 b: d+ |; BHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）& l% e. W/ d7 T3 U1 e; h! ?
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
! d+ K1 I# g8 o5 Q& `Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
1 h5 R$ f1 x% o! K. e; [Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.$ ]* `  u. o% z- p
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9 E' g; _$ V( L" L  Y7 R3 ~接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
/ F' n0 u7 K9 D0 o' q" o话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
. q0 h: u4 ?( r, ~6 A4 U. F* PHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）- a2 E* |) T* U- g
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）( M1 T+ H, h. n
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
. V2 ]6 u: U7 ^1 ]( dMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
% t! |5 l4 X) V9 k# D: F0 z( [Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
3 _, H- n7 i+ n* D* M( c; O# u6 SHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
& K' L% O5 m: W8 m- AWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）% R; Y* G1 f6 ~. Y$ B, i
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）: [+ k/ I* F  `1 q! W% f7 Q$ w
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）+ t( x2 m+ A1 o* R
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
8 W; M& W; p  l+ v7 [0 O# h( y（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……