《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。0 w0 Y! F" a  ]  Y
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1 W$ a8 i1 Y8 [# r( M' k" e影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
' W* a* `; {" k5 _! u- @$ T: zWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）  X3 `$ Z; h6 V7 M, n
Holmes: I just picked it up.
3 n) o6 r( p$ \. E4 i: r& \Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
& Y( ^1 G; ]! `( B; \0 D2 A/ wHolmes: Knew I forgot something.) q" A+ {6 v+ x1 q
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
* H! m" p3 a; RHolmes: You did.3 w$ u! a2 }- j
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
$ M6 ]- Q; [& A; V6 QHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.5 `, ~0 ]- l- B$ d8 v2 p
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- C0 H4 E- Z* B6 W宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
: m0 z9 e* f. L  lWatson: Permission to enter the armory.3 Q3 ?& q9 Z" t/ n( M* f
Holmes: Granted.$ |0 _' l( _( R+ ^
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
2 ?- q! @, w: `Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。2 F0 ^6 u7 M$ c* k/ s
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。! [0 H+ D6 J1 X9 f; ?
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）$ x' C& V3 ~0 X& u$ _2 ~% D/ l
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。4 R0 B; ]9 b2 _8 X  a% w0 t* f4 b
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' {. Z  ]' e9 t. kBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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( d  ^* J# Y2 {6 |; tIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?7 V* k7 i/ Z9 [% Y' z' K
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）! _3 ^& H+ C& K' ^: {) E/ B
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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" G- W. t: t& Z0 O$ H+ H  R1 TIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
& `6 }6 }( r+ A9 s$ P0 ZHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）2 K1 N- m% z( p
Watson: Get that out of my face.
5 F  C8 o# O3 Z9 m8 |Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.% I  y+ H  [( G3 t6 Y1 i$ q( F  o
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.4 E* |0 ~6 V1 r1 v  O
路人警官Clarky上场。% m( D/ s( j* U/ J
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.3 |- a) R% L0 c7 P
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
2 W7 O- b! U% y' W* X& O得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。$ s( A/ A0 C+ F. M/ m3 n* I$ n
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?4 C+ K% v. x$ T1 a. ?4 }' s; c
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.' p3 ]6 v' O. I: n
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
( y5 I( u. y7 y% j6 R9 i% A2 [" j- P  O（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）( R; a% A7 B1 |5 H9 Q2 J* g8 c
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
6 Q8 w% @' h2 p6 o% kWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。6 p+ p% L8 E) }. ?6 K6 k7 M6 S& P
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
+ o9 D2 _5 E: I- p+ v; `: p2 xBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
) M& c5 ?3 O; K  v! \2 \. q6 YWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
' L% N3 @& T/ ]1 H1 g& s死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。- k! C4 }9 {" G1 P' g4 _
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）: W+ P! v% G# s  n; h2 v2 h. F
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。1 W# o6 ?# l! n  v
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。. j/ b$ M9 z% a' O1 ?( A
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.  C0 d) Q2 Z. S
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。* F3 s+ m# x) o) v* a0 E# [' \
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
7 }. Y' m6 B, |) b9 @Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）( J# M+ A: b* X- w: F
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）( Z* U/ G) _5 r$ k$ x
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
3 a7 `! P+ F- z. h: hMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
1 Q" k1 s. F" Y+ T& k& B/ N) s0 c8 jWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
% ~: M+ K0 ^( y+ F# M0 D0 uHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
' ?* Q$ K, J4 `; o6 f$ Y2 N" HWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）/ t0 a) f/ s2 G8 q7 _
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）3 D. a3 y. d% l' a
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
9 n2 D" H1 n/ [  E& ?& p! F! G" ^0 SMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）* k% g  k$ W' W
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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9 q& _$ k- y" H" h总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……