《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
7 y, l$ A3 W- I* |6 g1 z  r***********, @5 k! Z# j% w7 |9 X
1．
) ^' O  M7 D3 _0 p8 D: ?) p# x影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
" M" c& y3 n/ k, ?- PWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）' `9 E1 J4 _! V3 m$ ?6 b; n6 ~5 V
Holmes: I just picked it up.+ |  ?2 @0 I! b" C( m( L/ w
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）+ e5 H! B0 z. B/ U7 @
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
2 z0 [4 R# B1 t4 ?5 m9 W) iWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）0 {# Z" Y* w& e/ q- C8 J6 d
Holmes: You did.6 H8 [( p% I' A
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
4 e: F% P  E+ M! PHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.9 _1 J+ V  D1 R% o. w
2．0 z; \' A" F5 o  n( J2 U0 S/ H
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。% r' N- x& @! c/ W5 l& s
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
- f% F1 ^& i) y. l& B: kHolmes: Granted.( d, Z/ \& \6 J3 x' d8 ~. ~; O
3.
# t8 ^3 t) }9 o晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
8 W  g+ ], X$ k" HWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）' E/ h8 I* e/ o) m) H, T
4．- q6 h8 i, P& R  x! y
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。4 l" ^) Z- }" v* v" ]
5．3 l+ q7 E( N+ L
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
  s4 {' `' S+ g6 e3 i" F$ p% f9 c8 NWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）, A9 P; h( `. O' E
6．9 [+ @" F2 ~6 }3 x
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
  S# B6 a! `8 f* e6 q$ m7．
. A& s; i) B. a( H4 U: w$ cBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。: F; T1 ~) v8 b. K0 x7 `* w
8．
* n3 e7 b7 C  L2 O" ~9 }0 S. ~Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。( A  V; @" Z$ \% }/ S' `( x; {
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
3 y$ [, J: W0 xIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
3 n! A8 U8 \' D8 a3 |Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）4 s  W3 u4 J! P$ v8 F
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
# j3 G0 J: N, r5 Z. D# E* t9．; a% j9 A+ b) C$ G
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
! L. X* x7 J, g: HHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
; q) y. L5 O1 T# u3 Y; NWatson: Get that out of my face.3 J  A! ~  v$ e# O) M6 b
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.: L7 W. d4 j5 x/ n7 `
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.# W6 Y# D0 @# |
路人警官Clarky上场。
" b' Q$ b) v' Y- j; jClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.- O, g* E* ^# w8 `% c
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）+ n* I6 t3 C+ y- O2 h- I( e2 p
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
5 F! [. u4 P: o* ~5 G9 ZWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?+ s% q2 t( B+ H4 B- f. Z( X- `( b
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.# X& j2 O! O% O$ S' b" G" I5 ]3 K
10.
6 r" d/ y: d+ o; |$ d墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
( `. ?  J) a) J0 I（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）& Y  T& b6 L3 O; _# D( n
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
$ v+ `) |+ f5 {" ~; N0 p; [6 eWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
9 a! x. R( U: J+ u4 h11．
8 A: T* ~8 _! h" d- d( o4 L河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
3 L$ s7 M9 L7 C( nHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）" S  Q' L& B2 ?4 \9 e
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…# l) J- o9 Y% L+ M! ]# \
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）9 x3 `+ g+ r. c" X; I% {
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
6 ~9 b' t* d& ~" I# s6 WHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
/ M; @8 f2 R% m后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。+ h+ R7 w/ }- i
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）# U2 N  w4 q+ ]
12．/ m" l/ ^8 l, x4 l
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
) A; {& Z! L  T3 @  SLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.: n. s2 X6 j/ l1 k
13.; g. R% @* ?; A3 _  y
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。& {. {) I9 g* R0 z+ t$ t6 H
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
9 F9 F8 e5 j4 A0 C4 w. j7 n0 ZHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
) ?: n; G4 G' Z! LWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
! Y, v% [, g" y1 YHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
" L" ]+ P1 l/ T8 Z( T& t( cMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?, ~# U1 ?: [% e- y; R) n5 p# V
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）% g. ]4 B( m1 O% R* t1 D2 Y
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）7 ?9 ^7 O1 f. \* x' G$ W: q7 Q, b
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
" m9 v2 l" }$ g$ W. ~$ }Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
7 c" i* D: L+ E9 TWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）! X8 n# F# J/ y2 e
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
, @( a! }5 ]$ y8 q# o/ a（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
8 s! i8 |7 e" [, D***********
" H2 `/ I# {1 h$ o1 c% Y7 E总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……