《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。& ?" a: I' l% p# }9 ^
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
! a2 i+ h0 N; Z' I8 ]0 }3 y) w( WHolmes: I just picked it up.
' U/ o: `0 i( D* g! w; rWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
8 Z& Z" x- @7 `% _! F$ p- FHolmes: Knew I forgot something.5 E4 M% }  f3 N- |. r
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
0 d- {6 Q5 z% V/ K# i: }Holmes: You did.
6 T# B& J" ~5 K: R! l: f- K（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）# d) P+ x5 [- Y1 G) m
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
/ q: C; w* ]$ t- {6 a* G1 UWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
  y, t* N* o4 t3 BHolmes: Granted.# Y2 i( `. z6 E. f7 J
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7 A; }$ p/ j! ~+ ^晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
, z: J* x) r$ i+ rWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）' T" E- c0 N4 U; |( O$ Z5 C
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。8 W2 r5 v9 S+ u: e
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。3 d6 ^9 z1 @* r" m- n9 G4 C
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）! @3 _% T. B; W- k6 `5 ]/ Z! s
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7 p$ V5 ]9 Y$ W# k8 kHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。6 k+ ~# e+ u  \# R$ h
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+ K3 z+ J, s/ D2 G  fBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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" M6 q7 g* c5 U5 }Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。- a8 v" \: ~8 A% G4 M: i. i
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
* S1 K& ]+ o% f* q; w' s6 M! t' [- y; XIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
% A/ Q$ W' `" n2 u0 v- ?6 fHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
0 P$ |' [9 ^! Z% V# W: P+ dIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope." G% K) ~0 q( f5 F: e, y5 p; Q  m
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
% F+ s7 K8 {- A' u1 AHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
) T/ V9 ]- l1 ?1 Z2 d9 {4 nWatson: Get that out of my face.$ _9 j. i- j& r% q( A' X- H7 m& u
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
6 h+ G! t" ^3 R$ E8 SWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face., H& i& Q& g' s3 |& o$ ]9 X  t& r
路人警官Clarky上场。; ?# Z* L7 r% E8 F. S5 J. A/ a
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
. |$ j. h3 k; |Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
. E  @- v% f$ d得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。! Y8 o2 Y  H; i) e2 j4 W4 j
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?6 U0 m" m8 M& m; Q, v1 O9 d
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not." o" e# O1 \% O
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
) W" |* v( r+ h+ P/ R+ `& [( m! L（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
* C3 m) U' X) R8 N: KHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
7 \" m0 y2 j) D; f! \3 gWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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" b! x; ]/ s# a8 ~1 Z* l: \& |- X# w河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
  }1 i+ q2 d8 K: c! X& r; N5 `Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）/ ^. ~) ?+ Y5 N& w5 ]9 Q
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…( i! Z- v0 ^' H! D
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
% O) b7 m+ V: i9 m0 L3 ^: f死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。1 f! |4 G3 H) \; F
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
2 x6 V9 A7 z2 I后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。/ k% _' ]# T* t1 y2 a6 N7 g  i3 |$ z
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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- W; E- j* B" Z# W4 `% y警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。' l8 X3 }5 y) r/ D
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.+ L$ p+ j! X7 w0 Y3 h: g9 m8 k6 F
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。6 E" P; c0 Y9 t  P& r, s' ^6 x
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。% C" O. _( x+ J2 I1 _" T
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
$ E  o$ \" o. ]. F4 @Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）# W" d$ w, F1 @/ q% }- d1 }1 _& c4 ]
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）8 n( j# J* G1 Q+ T# l
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?: P0 g1 Y1 Y; g" t" p
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）  X+ m% T6 ~, \" k
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
1 j  K! h6 `6 e; d# A  DWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
% Y) k- k7 |' w/ y9 |" XHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）$ B6 L5 ^3 E4 x
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）9 B% ]; r5 K8 M" V4 n* P
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
; ?5 {) O2 H1 y% h9 M$ D! p4 T) t（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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2 K/ j  ~( F( s# z3 \& |6 A总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……