《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
" G3 z. E& T# H* J  {***********
4 ]" Z( d, o+ }6 N2 t1．) M$ J  u/ u) U% e7 P0 X2 |, P$ U5 I
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。. }# x0 E) q2 S/ o7 e5 {3 C
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）; Y- t+ x. i3 v1 p
Holmes: I just picked it up.
. @8 E1 m7 ~- y3 W& J0 u' RWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）2 e6 m" J" O' }5 z& k5 X
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
, i* g: @* z/ p5 _+ f+ _( SWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
1 X. }& f, M% a# ?Holmes: You did.2 q. o- [0 K1 ?
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
; w0 B! m$ I! f/ z2 I' DHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
& l9 A, _9 `, S2 k+ U2．
9 X/ _8 t6 @9 P! F宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
4 x" |3 H. V/ UWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
* l9 Z* }/ i1 ?5 R$ Y8 B+ U0 ~Holmes: Granted.
/ |/ i" e9 l$ v1 ^$ P3.
  s/ a& y& _* f5 E( S  L( o晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
' L* a' z6 O+ Q  q8 H# q2 BWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）1 j( S' B$ ?/ w7 x7 F" O4 w
4．5 t( P6 K, w3 h8 r
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
, R! X! S3 Z) b: @: R5．
/ G4 z' r5 u+ d/ Q) F6 t1 K- ?3 ?Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。8 U9 @% G& }" @2 @' j8 M
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
( `* M9 S& q9 a/ I; C* ^" H. I5 ?2 t6．# @9 O; @; w+ r' \9 x7 {( r; c% I% y6 N
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
" I" f3 `5 u# o( g& J' H( R7 p7．5 m$ X9 T9 \" D1 O5 f; ?
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。3 A- D5 F; F$ g/ W! F8 O: E  P
8．
. X. A# M+ t! W" ?( jIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
( X; X- a. b! h1 E8 U$ _（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）$ C, \; Q8 A* B" @) T
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
9 _9 z/ i( X$ q  P0 yHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
/ L2 c! _7 Y0 H  r  s' D& aIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
- O/ c6 g3 X# D7 o$ ?9．1 ^) t) H& v; C: h
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。$ u) W0 K+ q5 E5 \) q7 [; c. p. u" t
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）, |3 L! m) v4 _" C
Watson: Get that out of my face.- u5 d) O0 I' J8 L  P5 S. [
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.' @$ T1 P9 o( V$ C, A- R" Q2 r
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
2 l1 B4 Z1 ]& v/ D; l路人警官Clarky上场。0 v) L0 |+ D: Z4 j
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
4 p6 m8 C! h, J$ YHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）# b. k3 e" M" a. E: `
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。7 F( {- Z% o2 M: \0 z
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?4 u( n& Y% t! I; f4 d
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
' {# E: o/ |: p9 F% ~  |& V10.
1 b- U3 z# {2 }) M墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
+ o1 j. h! f' V( f& ~（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）. t7 J0 U: x2 a. X
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.# R' u2 h9 P; }! a5 `. U
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
( ]4 y6 ]5 U5 [- a5 P8 b9 ~7 f$ H11．
8 _  d  B; }* ^$ h# H河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。' U9 d( |1 O) G1 N+ ?
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）0 X; ~, p) U4 Z# \
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…  I% O: M! V' G% P0 H4 w
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）9 A/ K8 C! t4 {1 r' y+ h6 I
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
$ Q( ?* C9 A+ C7 e0 o* q4 bHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）) G! L) D) U5 e/ ?5 _
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
+ T) F! m$ d, B. r/ f. d7 P9 MHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）: K" [" R( `1 `$ l- Z2 |
12．) B$ V7 f8 ~/ s% w
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
" P; l: Z" Y3 z; A1 h9 e0 jLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing./ K, t5 {$ \1 h+ k
13.3 S9 K) B# m% Q/ @9 ^
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。8 ]% a$ I6 ^% H/ u, F
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。/ L% t" X' {0 T2 v% ?3 L, ^
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）7 l9 ?9 W& T' P* Q# `8 \
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）& |( V4 h$ t0 `* M5 A7 a& b  N
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）' }; W' O$ O' \
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?0 e9 {9 E6 M3 Q, g
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
  |9 w8 |4 {! T4 h$ v. [' s3 `# _& f9 KHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）& F% W: \+ E/ k9 @& A
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
, \* R- u7 v1 qHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
; D: ]0 G0 s- C4 A' `  VWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
# a" j" |& p8 J$ x3 aMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）! @& ?2 _" P. c8 D. g
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）/ ^0 ?3 }& A3 n
***********0 J- Y1 u' d" N* R+ H- j6 A% ~
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……