《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。5 t$ \0 t3 f! E' x8 `
***********6 I" J2 W! T: i9 {% J/ T. q0 I/ v
1．8 z1 y3 l4 L7 P0 @5 V1 V/ C5 m. w! T
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。  ~! F7 b, O1 V% y2 y
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
9 N9 h0 G# U: lHolmes: I just picked it up.; @: g7 M$ o' f' }. y, e# Y$ J
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
8 t4 n: B" z  ?; XHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
3 u8 T' u6 W" l; s+ tWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
8 O% i8 x2 @) Q8 Z" ?Holmes: You did.& s+ w% t- A6 ^& Y; J
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）; l  S$ a9 M/ Z) q
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
8 U! A& K& \) M! i" w2．
& \$ v* K; b9 w5 E宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
4 m' h# t6 J% y( T4 C  s1 aWatson: Permission to enter the armory.# Q. }" u# \+ k: u" I  O
Holmes: Granted.
* U" B1 N$ z5 o5 r6 d3.
: f& r: D* s# Q$ U, Z, F  @9 b晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
+ S  ]7 u1 |* f. _4 [Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
* d/ F2 F) V5 C4．
  Y3 o1 @( c0 `( W9 q拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。! l' {- V$ |0 g
5．
# }' u' Z- e5 z2 g1 FWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。+ k9 u) O) f8 @) s7 d0 v/ P
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
: M7 Y3 T. f/ x. C" y) K6．/ i8 X7 g  F. _  Q9 s
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。7 ~. B% l7 W9 a/ Y+ h$ k
7．" k0 j5 l6 E- D3 J- f/ I
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。" q3 _( i7 {9 s1 g6 n9 V; l. C! o
8．
" [8 h# a! P5 P( t7 o! r+ e4 wIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。/ C, z2 W. k3 v4 c  S3 }
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）8 d. X& w7 F( H
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?/ a7 d- s8 [3 M; ]! ?' k6 W% b
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
2 V5 @' M% V% w, R1 T: _# ?' K3 g( L! s  gIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.7 u" C) F. I: h# O* {/ S3 |# x' w
9．/ o5 d1 t7 M& B2 B% [
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。1 H: V# k# z& H3 l! N
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）; H# A9 C7 n/ Z. `  {* p
Watson: Get that out of my face." U( t5 g! \  s
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.( [/ ^" N" r3 v$ s
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
( n2 x, H# w6 n路人警官Clarky上场。
/ j# }) [: H; l; ~Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
+ O5 ^/ R+ e5 F! S  |, M3 o  MHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
! K! r* _' w' L3 \1 y得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
' j' f( i$ z- V* u4 O6 J1 _) _Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?/ l+ S. T1 h, E7 W, c' w
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.2 O7 v1 X, X% e9 r; F
10.
) h) H1 ^0 e4 b* `3 B+ R& I墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。) E& G; I3 F" V+ I; n7 {1 ^
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）6 u/ p# H3 R/ y, o: s' J
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
; A) _6 x/ k" E6 R. `3 [Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）! v& Q8 _. G, w: G4 l: x
11．9 Z! Q* j  _' N. V" F0 d- w) S1 U
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。5 d# }# N$ j9 `4 _. I& T
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
- G5 p, C' A2 }- R! ?  `: ]Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
) a7 g0 |/ U& w1 k  gWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）) N- ~! j- }" _3 B& P/ I
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。+ `0 k- _4 y; Z* v  R+ }) [0 w% m4 a
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）! o+ z3 w7 `+ m# a
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。4 ~+ o& B7 E7 u* _8 m. s
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
' }# I& T; t( h* b# O4 f4 M12．3 W; M% M9 i- [% ?3 _0 |
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
& k2 ~! b1 P' e' {Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.5 |) X% X+ ~# k% `
13.
+ S6 h% \' q# e  S$ w! H接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
& G$ o. r# D8 P话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
+ m1 X7 \$ z' J3 X3 UHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
; ^! N3 b0 |! ?: K& b3 OWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）8 j( t  f! C" r
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）3 n# s, h9 B: ~  H
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
5 ~3 h9 E9 B1 x, I8 |Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
: ?1 o. S" Z- B* n& _, A7 mHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
1 s8 w' L  d& z' i1 e% m5 x) W! ~5 bWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）# x( |( J$ v$ u( C
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
2 e8 Z' E  f+ q9 }3 W% yWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
6 i% f8 c4 {) a7 M' ^$ `! w) oMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）' N" S- {; _2 N, Z
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
# y" q9 E3 J; Z9 @***********1 m$ k# v& \+ {5 q: }6 S/ }
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……