《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。  |. F7 t4 b0 @; Y; K
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）) s* w$ t. u2 B
Holmes: I just picked it up.( a" V8 H- a9 [- n
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）  G9 `; v0 x$ A. x6 h4 D- s0 ]( O/ r
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.: [+ e2 K! ?) D' x0 [
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
6 @# m7 c( Q% ^8 Y; Z' dHolmes: You did.- F/ n( i3 M) |8 Z/ R
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
  Q% U! A- b9 `- f3 d# U0 d: vHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all., ~; e3 S+ K3 H" {# q8 C* p# C9 D2 H. ?
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+ _0 Y; J4 p. q8 h; x: v宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
4 Q5 X1 C0 I5 p6 t8 yWatson: Permission to enter the armory.  N" o+ i9 H  h; A% r
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
6 @3 g8 K8 E4 K! WWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）9 a, w" f! {6 c3 F! j1 F5 `# H
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2 o9 Q& p+ w% N- r) ]6 F9 O拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。4 W6 C% p) B) P
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。% @& M  }& a1 V* s: r  J$ w/ ]( S
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）+ P. P9 X& ?/ [( p/ f2 V( \2 d( `. }
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! @  \1 X9 h7 W; |! IHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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) X! ?2 Y0 Q7 g  X3 U# O6 Z( zBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。* F8 I2 W  L9 _. x
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
6 N( I: |+ c' l- }5 A! |  WIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?' Y. {- W( w$ c, R$ f' a/ f
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）% ^5 u  q8 ~4 v4 R; ?' E- l% H9 y
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。( B% O; ?" h/ I" y& [; Q  h
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）4 {( S3 L; N+ ~* |" f" p/ c. F' X
Watson: Get that out of my face.( f5 S5 ?. q5 P& M
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
7 F& O8 M" K3 v& t+ C! YWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.* J2 g5 e; o# N/ Y
路人警官Clarky上场。
) B8 w# }4 h; d( Z. qClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.' A3 z; p$ K, i- P8 k) e7 `) D- i# Y
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）% P" j& u  A" N& F4 I" b5 B
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。: g2 }) |3 T9 y6 k* E2 Q$ ?$ K
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
; J; _' `/ r9 g! C: BHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
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, a  d$ \) w% d! _  WHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
! x2 P8 ?% [$ e9 G1 p  q2 }Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）* `8 b& G# V2 f$ J
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
/ s. ~) l5 b% ?- o! Z: X& o, [" r. z1 HHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
7 ]( u: ?1 n( WBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
$ m* I, u( y; [1 o, r4 o6 UWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）  ?6 D9 R7 c0 h3 F  C$ e
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。7 t$ l( x. d$ I$ h5 F
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
3 l/ A; b7 m' t: u. a* p后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
. B9 W% [1 Q% W( ]7 JHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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' d# k" H$ B  P( {警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。' g/ m5 K5 W7 \4 S0 a1 _2 a. c
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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9 u' E; m9 d% |接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。' Y/ L) ]  g. M" j. G) T+ |6 C
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
2 H2 G2 i+ e2 _' b3 mHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）! \, O- }! F, H* ]: {( q1 A
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）9 m: i1 q2 `) g2 e3 r
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
% e2 o$ b* ?. s+ Z' FMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?! ?% @/ |# Z7 \
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
4 t3 y7 J8 U8 W" X+ n' _2 F+ mHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）, k9 E' e0 ?  k1 [8 Z( X
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）% ?- B' U5 o8 x+ v, R7 h( f
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）2 _" s9 P" ?" Z
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
; J' d2 _; d" V( |" X8 DMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
  |. h- ]9 K3 A, v3 D3 {' w' ?; ]) a（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）6 `9 D, C! w) g- m3 G, a0 S
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……