《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。1 \% T3 w: ]7 V6 D" L
***********
: L9 n' h, L  d1．
" c8 N+ C) A# {& D5 g0 @影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
2 I6 |' I  n1 c/ O  V) aWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）; e& G0 S) h4 W; ~' o; I
Holmes: I just picked it up.
# N% p" M3 N6 B9 f" dWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）/ k7 v3 V6 e3 t2 p0 z0 R+ S& j
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.4 h. b* |4 c5 f9 p$ P
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）+ H6 o7 I( t& u" x) ?
Holmes: You did.
/ L9 j7 C* Q* x* ^. Z8 E+ |# v（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
. H6 r0 a, ?3 k. a% cHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.2 N. y; t( k2 s/ N
2．
* I5 p8 G3 p9 w' I& a- \宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
0 B1 [2 C; ^* [4 f1 wWatson: Permission to enter the armory.! {) {0 [! ^% D& [8 A8 L$ X8 c
Holmes: Granted.
) s' R, y; c2 a3.! T$ X" H2 ?) ~" Y
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
8 \% o# w. y, K$ `% r+ SWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
6 Q% Z" D' j! A6 ?7 e. \! x4．# N: ]* N0 d% _) U
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。% Q% ]" ^7 e" _, Z+ |0 e
5．
1 b0 z8 f" K3 C( y' ^Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。" r8 O7 u' o6 l4 e# T* Y
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）* @! ^  j' Q/ R& P
6．, t, K* c! v; U, ^  _; T& l
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。8 S' P+ c3 T- t% g3 w& a
7．
) S, f, {% A$ O; Y& HBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
: Q) l8 t/ ^; ]2 j3 V! N8．
4 T) [6 O1 `- Z% \4 G; l% ?0 w# DIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。( a. H" I% l7 R+ c, a; U2 t9 H5 j
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）6 {& K  e7 O/ \
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
7 W& b  t0 G9 f6 A$ r8 PHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）8 R( Y8 G1 m5 T, y
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
3 d8 P0 F2 ~# m, k5 X: x9．
' E' c' j. P( i5 W# N$ DIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。7 r4 x4 O2 q0 I1 r
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）4 R/ y) I5 O9 D3 M0 \
Watson: Get that out of my face.* z4 |+ B" q$ }% n- [$ X( p8 @
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.  n5 I; I9 t, s0 i7 M: j; }
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.8 i0 d+ b5 ?; Z* W7 G  [3 [3 `: R
路人警官Clarky上场。. B6 H! _9 T0 F, }" g# U; Q- c
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.( u! _# d, W, B) V  N
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）$ V6 g, E  X! W* [8 n( U
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。, F, C1 ^  h) S+ y7 w
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
$ x5 N' t+ z1 D; ]$ B0 G& ^9 mHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
1 u+ e9 r; q0 C10.; w2 `3 }0 ^+ }. U
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
+ ?# ]( y& L3 _) b- r6 [* }（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）3 f. k' ?9 f& u( X" N$ {
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
6 i# ]6 _0 J/ G( t" y9 ]Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
  W2 S- R' W" B$ f& u' R& d11．
" \6 L& _* D, @河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
, i' ^" @  ]9 i' lHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）) U$ ^5 O6 d) @+ g. p5 z: x( S; s5 b
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…3 m4 K, b" d  G0 V3 N0 q
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）" E5 z6 {) d, p( Z) Y5 K3 X
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
. ~5 j. t) q9 G( G3 cHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）$ l% p  W0 I5 t$ Z7 s
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
" ~9 r% Q0 B) N" b: g5 U9 z: yHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）/ I7 D. t# H7 v- A% ?) x
12．
% Z- Y4 ?5 M5 ^! z; s# O0 O警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
* P, V- }2 T* H, y2 K% H+ DLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
8 F( \8 \4 D4 G+ i$ z2 y, ]9 G. g13.1 W% F, m" b7 s1 L! n
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
! t9 T, Q; A6 e3 u话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
2 M' {# k9 A/ q6 E, T  r8 WHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
0 ?" m$ ^# E+ w2 s2 v6 @  ~Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
: N& Q, v" T. A# }: _4 KHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
1 [$ z) y$ w: r$ f9 OMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
0 {* Y+ Z2 A& O+ c$ lWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）; G7 ^- F5 \# b
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）- l* O/ P  j* ~
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）1 Z0 C4 w  W. h! l  x) k0 a
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）# N* Y/ T" \" x9 L
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）, j, R/ q5 X1 C; Y* h2 c5 T
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）( s$ B- r7 S8 z
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
! l( h6 O6 A, \; F/ W0 D7 Q$ C6 s***********( _& F! h& K0 k+ g2 y6 }
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……