《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。5 a4 p# c2 C5 [6 g5 m
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6 u4 Q* Z. d+ s4 E; T, i影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
- R' J8 g& v$ Z3 j5 c1 ^1 }Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）& b' E, C: ?( v8 [5 @2 a
Holmes: I just picked it up.1 M  f1 N! A% Q- ^1 s
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
" t+ a( E) @- r$ u' w+ AHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
) r! W$ c/ ?# {8 H: v2 iWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
$ V. i, K( {8 @5 r8 d% [/ `Holmes: You did.
$ [% b& I- ^2 ^1 N3 I9 c0 u（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）* h+ }! I* x4 f, s; x( \
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
# G+ y1 `) ^+ t" ^9 m# Q: b/ |& A! eWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
9 C% R) _6 ~: \) R5 i0 b; pHolmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
0 l3 n" x2 G( o7 c( r% \8 c+ z( KWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）' m, v' f# M! y7 t" g$ D7 s# p
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5 T  i# p# s% X# w拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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# d* z3 O* ]) t( P- \; qWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。1 f, q& e4 z  e
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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$ R$ n- l: L! w6 n) WBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。/ y* b$ y, m4 N6 L6 {6 w' H
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）; I3 O1 K% }, U% a  I
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?' r1 |, d6 @6 ~# i* t: }: }" b/ H
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）, P" e7 `! l, m5 O" n5 y& Z
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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/ a  N) W$ O- X& G1 hIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
$ R6 ?6 @3 U# x3 C) W% A1 `Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）) a9 e* ]0 J: b- b) ~
Watson: Get that out of my face.) l* D! Q3 x: I0 t' F8 a% g
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.4 e# |" |, |/ p! g' W+ L3 Z
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.! K8 i& [* x8 B' p" ^
路人警官Clarky上场。
/ X- @' H6 _: E; vClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
+ \+ z  u3 C: N# g; F1 E( t+ AHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
" |' D; \0 c6 O  F' J; F5 r得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。& f6 |6 c/ N' Q. T+ I
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?) f1 U& S7 }1 S% s& l
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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+ |8 L: g+ _/ k# T墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
6 }- T1 s: J" ]. X6 |7 a/ q（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
3 o& A) h$ \! g" O* hHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
6 E2 L' `: N  l6 f. E* D2 hWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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: Y2 i6 z* y7 B$ u! B河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
% @; U0 u% z. v: [& `/ {$ FHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）# d- ?3 f( P& N( p+ l! r* M
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
9 g- k0 e6 O: k1 I; X  Y) zWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）! w, K# _7 h  x) N: p; N
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。4 ^- E5 n' g- F
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
0 g0 S7 e( D8 B后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。/ c; E9 C3 Z& s+ h  c
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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: |( q4 E+ Q" B3 B/ `+ T" E警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。1 C% i! e% A* _2 N' F0 {' A( X
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。. l8 B1 i& ?6 o4 m& A- a
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
# F! _1 @$ y* G" zHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）. B4 b4 A) V% y3 Y. I$ v
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）$ h. X7 q: e/ o1 }+ l
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
+ C" I. d# V; m, IMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
; V$ o8 [$ ?3 o7 AWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）2 R6 y8 E2 \5 [4 c: [" n* `8 G' B
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
% w) q6 A# E& h6 nWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
+ {2 `) o# l6 T0 F0 C# {Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）( B6 A6 X: O5 H( U$ `
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
1 B  G" y% v6 v0 m2 I5 JMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）9 N2 f+ T% n5 h4 P6 d
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）- P" K: K8 H* n* Q: {1 S3 {, g
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7 K4 n1 W# M9 b" v  g5 S总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……