《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。( J6 k' S% o: G; w3 b$ ~( O
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0 M; f1 t% @# k/ [. u  o影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
6 W/ B2 O9 q% @' E  I: rWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）) I0 Q0 s2 S3 L1 i0 P: S$ t3 W
Holmes: I just picked it up.6 w+ k2 S7 H! V" }. o0 U6 e
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
% u& r3 r# E& Q- C$ R4 [2 cHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
/ {; ^& I: M" n9 lWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）: [& ], Z2 h" S9 W6 Z8 w& |
Holmes: You did.
2 d: `$ o: W1 a（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）) _9 q1 j/ Q; u: Y) w3 a; H
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.5 R( X$ d) f4 W
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
) @/ w3 J! z; A/ vWatson: Permission to enter the armory.  ~# @  |0 j! a+ ], z  e6 J) D
Holmes: Granted.
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! u3 |5 M7 H' G( Z+ Z1 c% }晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。% u) n2 C# C+ G+ u! Q! J) d
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）' ^/ B( R0 K% l) a, S* M
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# O9 h# F" D5 P: D拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
, H) }; P% R) L# oWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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) B' B6 D+ ?7 j& w6 F, dHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。' D3 x# I% ~" I! I- Q( \# Q
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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- i! \$ k( L, N" Q! zIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。8 V% q& s9 r  l$ R  F
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）* z7 W2 O4 o+ C. E+ O2 L
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
+ u7 t9 g, z# pHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
% p8 b% \4 |, R$ n. H7 A: RIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.& ?" B$ b+ L: s, B
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9 [" L0 n9 Z* LIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。( v/ m  k9 h, J' A* Z$ g# B
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）  W8 }! g6 K2 _( x3 X
Watson: Get that out of my face.
# B' ?% Q2 P/ f" x# K4 _; b! [Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
& c- o2 r& X; k7 lWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
8 ?7 L( N/ z) [- g. U* h路人警官Clarky上场。
' J1 }2 I! A. V& E! N* g+ ]  F+ YClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.; S$ j* T- ]4 h3 ~! K: V
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）2 N3 T8 O2 r8 U! U& h* O% x
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。' U) `8 d: ?! ]! J& Z1 Y
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?+ Q. [0 F; ~6 R
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。" w: s5 \' ]3 |" M# X4 @
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
3 N' O3 G+ G4 E4 T+ g+ A- QHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely." @1 s3 h& s/ _, H+ x
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）# e9 `, r1 `3 {' D: S1 L! p0 @" b
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7 e/ ?* e9 ~! c5 F- w河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
9 ?& c& C+ W2 c# z1 l, Z3 L  nHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）2 b* i5 n% C5 ]5 ]3 U) I
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…. o9 a: k5 o$ C  J
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）9 {1 i$ r$ b9 g3 ~  Q
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
$ u; x0 l1 f% j8 U2 k& XHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）1 m3 G# t/ L9 W  x  W4 }6 U
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
3 d& J7 q2 a% {0 ZHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）7 _2 s% @. {6 o7 A, o
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。3 r0 W* G% x4 T9 M6 k! Y. ]
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。2 k/ h; @/ T- [3 B# |8 n; s
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
* a: K8 d. t$ Q$ j8 k) t; jHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）3 K- @: i1 H9 C5 b3 o' b
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
4 O& O& m' k# uHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
5 U8 e8 S. Q$ @/ l% P- Z2 uMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
; b  @, `6 _  U' Q+ _- d/ JWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）& I- U1 G' Z9 W6 @7 O: z
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）8 |' ^! Z. }9 l) _! |% \
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
- u+ p! g/ F2 D3 o$ l) [' R+ t6 D1 SHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）) q9 S/ y6 }- U8 M
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
: P4 d3 q3 N. S6 m% AMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）! s+ y( X$ A: F; d
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）" Z4 t6 B% v. w% V# m0 I7 B
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  C. G7 h0 Z: }9 z总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……