《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。- b  T4 e, _  s/ g3 E
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
) G" b& L, b' q1 V  q1 ^' F; MHolmes: I just picked it up.  w* ~3 W* ?+ o/ [! }' b
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
; L- ^3 }2 p. r7 N0 [. oHolmes: Knew I forgot something.: [2 _" c1 g/ F+ I
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）/ x2 D7 q- t- @4 m- i' k
Holmes: You did.
! R) }- d  B+ v（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）; i% H) ]  q5 \" o7 a
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。, b3 }: B5 r- A' e* q& {. V
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.# a# @: s5 F$ B2 H4 G
Holmes: Granted., U4 [) V1 |$ R6 i& ]3 |; H! ]" I& C. w
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. Z+ z5 H/ f5 L3 t# j0 H3 e晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
/ f( i- o0 z* B+ e# ], [1 A( cWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）7 ^' W' @9 a% L) Q; x7 G! ~' K% Q
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6 D$ A, K, r6 r  [: B. q3 f拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。9 A9 n1 W, j3 m2 r0 h. W
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% r" J3 \4 w- q6 ]+ z* h% j- hWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
$ T* {! F+ ?# s& {Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）3 X: P9 ^; h: X4 f* W
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% z- b! i3 @" v) j  U! D/ UHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。. r+ h2 O& g$ B6 }5 T) _
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。- o$ s. P' N6 `7 C$ r
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1 A( m' b) X* y! d7 ~Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
3 e. |; a+ \; G3 t（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
$ ^& E% N% S( Q5 VIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
# [" h- p$ i) E9 _Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）# _9 l8 S9 L/ P9 g  c$ O
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.7 g% ~! ~& P( x" N5 ~% d; z
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
: T% l) g1 t3 ?Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）, h  g6 l$ G# X0 d' g
Watson: Get that out of my face.
2 g8 \6 N4 d2 q; jHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
! B7 F. o# ~) V! G7 LWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.6 }- P& o* a" c& d6 j
路人警官Clarky上场。* _8 R9 F& i5 E
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.% v: O' V2 u, Q
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）4 m0 u- T3 ^6 H. K
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。4 Y# m: x% q" T- ?* R
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?2 i" A8 `  y+ ]7 u1 g; s
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.1 b7 o) C* w# g; w
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。) S# w3 z7 B6 o( N
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
6 H  W' m% [: UHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.# O; a' b! H7 g- W
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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0 g3 o3 m* h4 _+ i, Q( K河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。8 }' a" w, P1 Z/ T) a! D  |  n
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）. ^& \- v! U2 i8 D
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…  v4 {5 o, N, T3 G: T% v
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
! ]# f& c: W9 B5 s1 Z" H: t* K死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
, Z8 Y' I5 J  }1 ~0 d* cHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）# u) |# @( l* x2 z# g
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
0 U0 F( w# K5 h$ X" bHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）" s' E( B, o+ P, L( f
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。+ T9 d. w. a; M7 S: v
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.' h( N8 [) m1 ~8 K
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; ], _! P! p6 h! Q! }+ O接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。3 ?1 H% ^8 h$ P/ Y* X- v  u- a+ P
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。9 Q1 B# ?$ g" M  S; r: b! [
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
% D9 a3 [, L( {1 c9 ?6 n0 UWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
1 h+ x! N" D2 f8 B$ [Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）% B; A( Y8 R8 h* ^3 D) q
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
0 ?9 i/ e0 r& B  V0 x# E) MWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
& ]! z5 m" K' [; l# X. p0 P* Z) BHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
' d2 V  K+ r$ U6 r+ MWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）& n, y  G) l" h* V; c% V, y6 d
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）( N' z5 b1 |9 A
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）, j) G  b& p. i# s; \
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
. Q& b4 b8 _) q1 |（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……