《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。# C# R, E9 K5 }6 ~! a
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）' Q5 i( l: ?& Q4 o
Holmes: I just picked it up.
" a) N, Q6 t" IWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）% H) t- U7 v# v$ {1 M
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
' ]; n8 b0 T8 O" W2 F4 ZWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
* o( U) ?- {0 |( u' c( V! @Holmes: You did.
' [2 v! \' F8 [. A. T9 G2 l9 d" G7 u（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
6 j2 P4 O& N( ^  h2 ~+ d+ cHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.1 X7 z2 W" k+ G7 Q5 H
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1 z7 N# R; y) l6 i6 }宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
1 N; i1 g" h3 |1 a$ ZWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
# D: `) V! c5 ?Holmes: Granted.
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  U7 h- ?- i) ^5 _/ C6 y晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
4 z* _. L7 {4 D1 S/ gWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）+ A( Y+ B& q% Z- ~* \8 z( I+ G
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。# g5 P5 \2 O* p9 }
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
5 _4 P# o6 i9 p( WWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。0 P# y9 P0 }! z3 c4 Z
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! i4 f! i; r4 Y0 h  t8 a9 bBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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# d( ~; t+ y9 U  h( [7 oIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
0 x( F1 t- c7 N6 ^0 W/ a（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
. H) w+ u& |1 N5 ]7 e1 C& P- k& x1 C( EIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
/ O' Q3 W- }, v' uHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）2 H- p  `/ J# h: A. |$ Z/ C; {& `8 H
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope." M1 F8 ~) G/ P& W! K
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
. f8 x! Q& A' mHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
+ o* t+ |; J+ g. _7 W0 u. \$ o! zWatson: Get that out of my face.
7 g! G# F. F9 G9 D1 `Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand., n2 P8 _$ S) }% [+ ~% Z
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.  W" M$ O& C) ?4 H9 n
路人警官Clarky上场。( p( L5 Z8 |8 v: W" [
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.6 |5 ~& ^8 [" h( H6 `% z: k
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）6 P! P1 J( ~  q1 p$ K8 m
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。6 I' G5 h6 E; H* j
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
& W' \; r9 r; WHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.9 P* U: C( k, J& ?( l
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。$ T$ Q+ D9 r8 J4 }7 S! _! q& s# M- I1 E
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）& I& q* }( I5 j+ W; A
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely., w0 t2 h0 m. u) G6 f2 D% \  V
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）8 g2 \& f3 l! R# M* m9 T" \
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
& |, A2 b. W5 x8 _3 ^1 UHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）! r( l- T+ e/ e" T7 p
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…. W' _  z. P# X* h
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
$ k+ m2 e* n: D; g# [死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。7 m. i0 d# N- q1 R+ B; z
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
+ t( Z7 ?6 G+ d) [+ }后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。, V' ~2 o) b" a, E2 z0 w
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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: u' e9 w* Z2 b警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
- O4 C& ]) U5 \; iLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.7 j" J6 ~2 g7 e& m
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。% @. s% ~( F2 g. R
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
; l) d. s& t' J4 M+ `Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
+ ~. c/ ^$ L9 [4 m* YWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
. ~, p+ e  _: \* XHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
/ t9 L  R) U! H/ Q1 s: oMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
$ {& P! }2 V3 bWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
" G% K' _% k& l+ b5 D: sHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
4 b# M* V2 H* ?$ A4 g- ?Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
9 v5 y+ G* _( R' o- O) ~Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
) v/ [+ v8 L2 l! m9 }6 r% [Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）3 r: |9 D7 m2 |/ G! x2 N
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
  `+ v) ?' r. r! R7 ]# M7 h7 u: R- U9 |（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）( G$ e& y1 P0 l  o
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1 ]* W- n  T, {5 Z$ u% N* u9 @0 x4 _总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……