《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。- q0 z' }0 {# v
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" \0 v+ u3 L/ Q3 ~5 C3 Z$ @. {6 O$ c6 m影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。7 B. h& \' @, t8 L8 x9 w
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
9 t  {  n& W" ?; g: SHolmes: I just picked it up.- y3 l; z: S, u/ ]* [
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
, y$ U1 I( U( i8 H. iHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
4 y  e( k  T5 ^& N+ P. R: @% x8 Q/ ]Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
4 X* N  L- ?  D) ~- f( z! i$ S. tHolmes: You did.- G1 ?% q$ f& d* X1 N: f. `
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）/ ~( h0 S' I7 R7 Q! i; S
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.' k5 r) X  b3 ^/ d- `7 L- o
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) s" |& Z9 r! ?' X5 y2 u; s' W宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
0 J, c0 A( d$ p! f7 BWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
) C: y6 ]# z( A) y3 jHolmes: Granted.
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3 c1 H5 A# i! I晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。8 b. b9 a: {  m5 B# @) s
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）) x, g- x1 l+ R: Y
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。! S2 T* D, f  L- n; ]" x) S
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- h* B' y9 j! [  J" a: ~( C/ ZWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。) R7 h6 F$ l' ?2 W# R0 d1 o
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）( G$ o1 \. C6 u/ L, w
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$ w, b+ L  S  p! w* FHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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" J( ]7 `( a! P) b: ]- b3 G- D. xBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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3 d# R1 A& X$ t- V7 [  N* t+ q" N+ hIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。, ~9 p- B& ?! |! T& X* y& \" v& \
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）' @* |: Y1 j$ V6 Q7 j' j( p
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?* s$ [. a# d4 S+ l' p- _
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
0 i  E; F8 F3 n) y$ D* ^Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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- a1 A3 i; m8 E/ ~Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。6 X3 N. J3 k, l& w- V- q0 f* s
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）- o) Y: {( U* u! E- _
Watson: Get that out of my face.; U( E% L3 T. d% }. K- N$ L
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
* @* [) ^. [' s/ D/ jWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
! V  r( T. t4 S# x- _' T  ~& k路人警官Clarky上场。
3 ~5 H4 I0 W4 \; A0 RClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.3 R. K- D7 }+ T) S, R
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）' n0 z) L+ J6 K5 o. f2 r$ G- L  ?
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。0 k9 c0 q3 N  e
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?; K; L! p1 P+ k6 X# c2 b1 ]
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.$ ~  w# R6 {" x, ~" y
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。; r% V" j; P0 v1 y3 D
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）: _3 v  K: z2 ^8 e, t2 r" ?
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
: C, o  g* b. r3 F, z5 QWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。+ A' Q1 A' ^8 f! j1 s# R& I
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）1 _" y! t7 c3 N  C
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
  C/ |& ]+ j2 qWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）( D, Y6 X) n, A( a& G
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
& X: t/ [3 W+ tHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
3 n) V* w/ f# ^4 B9 S后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。( T2 a  V0 b( D, m9 [- C8 \/ A* w& E+ [
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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4 F, A/ l# S5 Z6 ]0 T' k警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。( A3 o0 r; k7 u1 K/ Q) i6 [
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.) b% F9 w8 C: [/ u0 N
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- y* c& B5 J7 D* [0 l5 q" ]接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。2 n& K8 p+ y$ N+ w& e/ x% A
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。( [0 j) ]% V* l* S8 {4 p/ [
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
% P* l: u$ v9 Y4 R6 `* xWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
! F" V, u1 n9 c. q5 e; o7 zHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
# ~: R6 l) R& {% V6 f( D! h+ w" ]! _Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
1 S3 x2 [+ U9 X+ zWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）1 U2 R8 g$ F0 x0 ?
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）% d* X" u2 X+ X; w
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）7 a, h' y: Q: E! k- J
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）& ^# o8 }2 |8 d& H8 A6 D! _
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）0 C! }/ a1 f3 M; h/ O- O% t. m) t
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）0 k# X& o* E7 f* I
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）$ I, Y+ V& U0 L! a6 S8 U
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8 u3 A# R% r' x$ a4 E" w总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……