《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。& M9 _* I8 G, ]/ E( q# w' Z, n3 g
***********
; W$ `- O  O; c* A% z1．) M, E4 q, Y# d% T" A. H2 w) D
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
2 j+ M6 l% O4 ~% Z+ wWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）; J  w+ R) f- T. I2 ?# t3 ]
Holmes: I just picked it up.' H, G$ ^+ G  C8 B) _# W
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
0 @/ l5 w  l6 T8 X8 H8 DHolmes: Knew I forgot something." f; {) h" o, r3 G/ _9 @& [) _7 T
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）) c, d% d3 n6 L1 F' }& L
Holmes: You did.
9 Y& T: M+ F, [; g4 g（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
$ w! I+ s( K, _# K/ gHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.7 @5 j- o4 p8 n, V
2．
2 L. \7 K( X9 C0 p, X" ^6 F宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。. V6 N- @) k$ J( _* u
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.5 Z4 }/ m# y, {4 F8 j' N4 P
Holmes: Granted.: V1 ?: c1 {  v' W' Y! l% u6 n5 U
3.
+ P, b/ e' c9 l晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
/ d* y2 f) m% X: y4 U7 RWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
9 i8 l9 F7 P* p/ u' U; N9 b" E4．
, {) ?3 t: i' A6 K9 Z1 O拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
( l( K5 i9 k- @" x5．
  y6 J+ A# Q3 `Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。+ G! F7 ]1 _$ Y& Z' j/ g
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
* A# N) q; O% M6．) R2 ^0 @+ M. |1 N2 Z  V
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
% c0 w9 j- P, x0 M) p- V! D2 W7．- s: O9 w  a  v) L1 }( ]1 c
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
$ R6 H4 J; ]% o' _" q4 {8．1 O0 w# \9 Z+ s: J" F( W
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。$ r3 I6 X* Y' k: F8 ?& O/ p
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）' n# z) R- N  ?0 |5 g
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?6 x$ s, N% d. X0 `: m% U+ A: {  L( }; J
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）) H# Y! e1 @3 n! X+ I+ p7 U
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.6 J- A7 d: Z7 I* U8 G
9．
. H. Z! ]$ G7 H( p7 a2 v* mIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。1 x" V: M5 j% R+ m4 z% t
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）" {" R" n4 J: A8 ]7 `& M  o
Watson: Get that out of my face.
6 ^, n+ ^. r4 j. {Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
9 F! H1 S* p5 H0 f9 d3 i$ xWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
0 f5 t$ V1 L( q8 a路人警官Clarky上场。
' h+ T! X! A9 A4 o7 }2 aClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
  E" K, F5 y* a% a( ^* RHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
. S# s. M$ a  z" l1 }  b5 [得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。! @7 ^" M* A$ L2 [$ n+ {" w0 {
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?4 d" T+ c$ ?; T+ \
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.: n) T+ ?0 r5 _% A2 R' l% k/ e+ u  Q4 R
10.
: O2 t! ~, p* k) |9 \/ q/ J* C墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。9 s5 {; P# J, a) S" J4 L( |
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
: b) s5 B) _- V. g" a6 t% OHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
2 _2 u- z: D, T( y4 s$ H* WWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）4 C. n" K! b+ o. n8 b
11．+ V4 h  k" Z9 {% S2 x5 p$ i
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
, H) Q, k2 P! ~8 i. x' h- s! N' `Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）, q: U0 W, e* Q; @3 s5 x1 i' I
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…9 F3 S8 m! i& V/ L4 b9 `% P2 p
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）$ }. g4 m. ~1 ~$ d1 ]0 @
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
2 X  }: z' D2 k3 yHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
* n. U  F# d& ~后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
2 m# ^. a8 l8 c, a* V, M' ZHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）0 O0 a7 B2 I5 s- }
12．6 d6 p6 H, k$ j' b' J1 B# z# ]$ R
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
  m) K9 e& g3 K" E4 M% u7 ZLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
6 n( D0 a% X8 G' k2 h13.$ v9 {3 }" J" S* e2 l" D
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。1 J/ M& w6 K6 l1 |" m7 q
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
/ _( a* |) q. bHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
! B5 ~$ ^' I# v, \Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）2 l; A" ^6 \/ R# k4 a1 z; L- ^! o
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）7 s; G' P& l  N" X' m+ x5 F0 N7 Y
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
  q7 W. X  ^9 }  O9 [" Z  aWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）- S4 S$ u; [  ^
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
( C4 J9 m. X8 C% r' q* Q9 qWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）  A/ H8 o7 X* ~) R
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）# n  V- l" |7 C
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）3 ?" Z$ M) _' D6 m' k
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
* R: C- Z) j* ?; K（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
! e( \# F% t2 ], S***********
' t) I% G) f/ E; x1 H2 h总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……