《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。. A1 H4 Y- N3 c9 R& K/ t; u4 N1 g
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。/ X0 w, ~8 I- [8 X
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
& I1 O" `5 N1 Z' s8 n: IHolmes: I just picked it up.3 O3 b$ k8 T8 F: {! C
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）9 n3 B' b; i, {! h4 b0 |
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
" N1 g/ j5 r% p. M/ |3 j. |  G  CWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
; [7 i- A8 B8 A$ Q% e$ m5 }/ fHolmes: You did.* U% M3 ?0 U; i# y
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
8 {! @! ?0 Q6 W1 n$ uHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.- }  T  V7 T7 t% R' F" A
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  D0 s# ~2 C. B& B; C宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。( L; l2 G% J9 O- b, P- l
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
/ V' p# }8 f) r( ZHolmes: Granted.
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/ W) {: n3 F' n" l. M# T晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。6 P' p  c+ r* n$ n* q( A& [' H
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）( ?  J) M  L2 [+ T
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' A  M! k' E! c$ b6 V, y拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。0 {3 j; i$ F, u# J, p
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
  S3 {7 K( {- j( o* o( s3 |Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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; q8 o7 g5 X$ t0 E+ b/ g7 w8 fHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。! N, _! ^- Q- j- E
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% w$ ~1 [# e5 X# c" Y$ _4 PBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。- g, |; M- O' U
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' s9 J0 A  l2 |Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。5 a# }$ n" x7 Q1 _, {8 y
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
# `4 Q- `7 g  Y; p3 j9 i0 M- ]Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?9 x( y# e" D6 x6 P- `. L6 c# H
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
2 Q. V( Y8 |. X5 V/ z0 K- Z; BIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。- Y% i! c6 x+ |
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）/ |* I, ?% F$ [" K9 y1 s
Watson: Get that out of my face.+ U9 ]; k5 @5 I8 |" H) Y
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.: i7 ~! u3 q' o+ G9 M1 P0 s' j) C7 j
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.% C6 a8 ]& c# z, l( ^
路人警官Clarky上场。5 G) h' W; ]% u& f/ z) n- S
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.2 _- |3 _# h6 R" Q4 q
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）, L5 y9 H* E8 d3 G# q: x
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
) I! Z2 P; L) g! W8 w; [Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
% w4 \+ L- F6 T& ]Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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0 @; K! _: a7 n1 s# T/ l) |墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
% [5 c' u% g: n: m* g* u（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）1 K4 L3 j1 U- u" m, l" o
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
3 ]2 e' x: M  ^3 J& H# Q( lWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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6 ]0 {" D/ X! c) v; h5 u河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。2 r6 B5 Q) D7 e( ~. t5 U: N: S! e7 }
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
! x$ i" i/ A6 I9 T+ j/ C# u) ?" RBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
: I# U! \/ t1 }& _Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）! g& S) M, L1 b9 b% ]- i1 B
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。2 c$ u$ V  L( q3 ^  @
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）8 E0 ?( g$ E/ L# h- r& Y
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
) Z+ A3 b8 x  L5 X$ Z( p# y0 THolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
$ d' [/ y7 d- WLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.1 p" w, e. H+ a9 M
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。9 ^4 `& ^/ m# z  A+ k
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。. _3 ~" Y( M5 H1 A! |. d% E! j
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）7 P, f. i" }! I6 K6 o
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
, V' o( |$ h: @' QHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
) @2 ?4 R/ W5 t1 q8 J& C1 YMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
- X5 P# ]) w1 x2 Y- O% L5 BWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
5 N4 @0 P7 B4 `& L3 W0 [Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
* j7 A0 t, }; K& JWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
3 h1 o% h0 a+ V' l7 [  |+ [4 D+ [Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）5 u1 N+ A3 S( `; f4 i3 _+ Y
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
# C1 ~3 d8 G, x- k* w; wMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
" w/ K6 `6 c! b( z& d$ E7 x1 z（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……