《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。& x: [" f  c/ N5 U6 |4 i5 q; [8 U
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3 l7 R, |3 r, |# U/ t* @" s影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。' z, ~2 C; C" o% O* h  c
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
$ m! z3 I; Z2 u( d7 D( H2 x4 p/ vHolmes: I just picked it up.
3 p4 q4 c9 m% Q% E5 PWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）# [% G) H3 K# k4 }
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.7 F8 j& I6 V$ w& _5 M/ U8 x
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）+ x% r0 l# {' P, b+ z
Holmes: You did.# x6 @  k% B7 I7 {0 Z
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
% C- r$ M4 Q/ G* {% G# d* Q, LHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.5 |; B, E) m5 R/ R
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! [& G$ x0 e- W7 S: I3 w( _宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
; C- c9 ]4 h# j8 d, I; e" VWatson: Permission to enter the armory.* Q2 R7 k5 v& \2 o
Holmes: Granted.
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5 }5 h" M5 ?  @+ a# M8 G晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
4 V$ E6 Y8 ]/ E1 ?" N: WWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）8 L7 k  q4 M* r9 O; g
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。5 o/ n+ x& [0 ~4 m0 O. k$ _
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
' i+ J9 R8 `3 b  `9 I（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）6 d3 R8 d) @& g, d' U2 m
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
# {, R! I, s: H% y" _/ O; eHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
/ K5 I0 k8 L. @3 OIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
' }2 a7 B4 |! zHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
* t1 O9 Q+ e; }6 N/ IWatson: Get that out of my face.: V/ H7 ~# e! C2 u' u) [, K; x  H
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
5 v* h( f: C( p# S' X8 g( p3 @' oWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face." Z- [7 l) I5 n$ h4 q
路人警官Clarky上场。
8 F, ?7 Q+ A5 T' X7 g8 eClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
9 Z( E* n) E4 f, N& N8 U4 xHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）( O" d. \  U4 \4 G9 W
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
  T) Y4 d: s! b* Z! _8 Z3 |2 lWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?5 `4 K3 {  h" [
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
. ?- y% K, e" \/ p" o* j3 ]$ H（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）; X  g# o# \& i
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
; y* A$ G" z: s2 i8 i: e' c2 Q* fWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）6 D8 X5 m% m9 f  S1 P! w
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/ I$ N: N% n8 y% a4 Y- a河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。6 O0 g" g8 \8 i5 |
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
8 J4 v# A; g0 r2 v# U: VBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
4 g1 c& K) f3 N& ~2 T$ OWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）0 H8 W7 n4 D& V& k- H
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
$ b7 b' L/ w* `Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）, L0 p7 q0 ]( w+ _: v
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。4 J% A$ e' }$ e- n
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）9 M1 u3 `. Q6 v- _3 r& t
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
/ A9 X1 C1 y! Y5 M9 oLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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9 E0 g3 L  `. [接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。: {% `1 P5 L" e9 y  Z4 I
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
7 w  ~3 T7 ]: x1 X( J: nHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
/ r6 C9 t. g( k% J& v: bWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）9 z' r8 p( l7 T. F- ]. V
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
4 {% {) l6 {) [; r) h  M2 Q$ rMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?5 f3 n  |' X, `7 V# s. }7 @
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）; G, A8 {. g5 T# S# O) }% O  s. w
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
3 G# p% W- ]! G) K2 V# L$ s  b: kWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
% m4 T( W% K% F- [Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
- |0 l) k" K* z; @# ~, e% O  e0 IWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
+ i4 ^4 i; H: N5 |. _8 Q1 jMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
7 D3 }3 H8 t0 i+ B) i（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）  g9 m' P( v+ m; h$ E/ c
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2 f. l/ d2 M* H2 z总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……