《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
7 `5 B# ^0 Z( f% u6 dWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
+ y7 q+ T) i3 D* o) [; ~Holmes: I just picked it up.
! E8 C9 Y9 p& p) iWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）+ H5 T' q* ]5 Y8 v; c8 s) l
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
: }/ V" p, D% nWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）* q$ f+ S; n' [& F
Holmes: You did.
6 e' b( l+ W7 [, n（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
! _) Z0 X' B" f0 M. S) R$ o9 qHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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& B6 m! j) ^; d' [# ?宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
) {6 G: e" v5 @% X1 A2 kWatson: Permission to enter the armory.( Q) O0 d2 R1 |$ _) Q
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。9 F/ H& ^* ?& g7 d; _
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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: t' B7 C) R1 ^2 W0 t拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。% a* o3 `' B4 @4 D1 W) M
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' h5 C1 a1 N: t3 Y6 U/ K! iWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
. ~: S+ W5 D; H2 x- y+ L- e0 ^Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）& Z# k4 Z, r$ o+ R
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, e1 i, P1 D, `/ cHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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$ ]3 a1 o9 R! UBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。! V$ {2 i9 P, z' e( }- U
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）) j! O  k9 E2 y- ^
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?: ^: j2 I+ A% C$ n+ m1 L& _
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
7 c! {2 R* \2 x% ~; Z' W) a3 r$ EIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。3 l  ?8 V. [, x7 A4 ]9 n$ X
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
6 q$ m$ {1 f  {' q$ DWatson: Get that out of my face.
2 \8 i7 }. L+ ZHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.! [# [- W% f# x  ~* Q
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.7 ]  T8 U) Y! H2 Z
路人警官Clarky上场。
0 h& B& i% Q0 K! FClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.# G4 M5 o" V5 M! p/ P7 w2 ^- ?4 {
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
$ ?8 i5 g5 _: p% z: F( E) Q+ w得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
. a- C  m5 e4 B" w: l! sWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
6 ^) a  {6 J" S7 zHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.9 R. ~# @* g6 D
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  K7 u/ ?8 H/ h) C6 b; f$ Z墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。" q8 z4 r6 J( I% y0 H! |
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
% q+ h/ `! V; w- ?: i' `$ C4 `Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.1 d: Y" k* B8 C+ @8 [; m1 a# y5 A
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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/ H8 q0 m, ]$ M1 y5 K1 H( F河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
: A* ^) J% c9 y6 ]) THolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
" F% a4 I5 d) {0 LBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
! t! ?( t" b. Q" u; hWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
( k, R; j2 Q# i/ {/ |死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。# L; p/ M( I$ x8 ]2 i
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
6 I6 Y0 E( _1 p! n# B后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
1 o" c% `5 G6 _9 PHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）0 T4 q  d' B' h2 R1 Q4 S, [
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; f/ J+ ~1 u- s  J警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。+ u! J7 ^. ]% }' L5 P
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.) Z* k6 \2 r. ~3 C8 Q4 w
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
+ k( k  ~9 j5 c# B3 ^$ ?" g% `( b话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
7 ^- y0 Q& {+ z1 V3 m4 `Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
4 H3 j1 \, \% a& Z2 g6 r7 JWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）* m8 t& [$ [$ u8 j+ N. G
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）  }! f' s2 M# A
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
# v; g$ Y$ N/ S9 Q  ^4 i/ {# uWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）3 J) o2 r: G+ n, M1 s
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
2 y8 M9 e: X: UWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
. ~& j% c. r+ _3 }. KHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
% F% u  ^0 w% }. Q- sWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）0 j/ J3 a( b) B6 u( X
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
$ D3 i0 P! V0 k) w0 G7 b% @1 s: s（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……