《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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& R6 ~' s' Z6 k$ k$ l7 z% t影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。% K: P3 C& j7 O, }6 l* N
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
/ M, M  N' `1 R) N6 m  lHolmes: I just picked it up.
# \' y$ X1 ^. x( g8 T. ]$ D$ bWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）3 T. y9 Z$ C/ H3 T% U! j
Holmes: Knew I forgot something., B: G/ ]3 h" t( j7 t
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
3 h/ G4 H+ g9 Q$ s% W2 P2 SHolmes: You did.
) i5 T, H) V) V! {（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
( Z% b4 S5 w  `" T6 @& jHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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1 O6 \  j2 I' t  s$ R! a& f: N% e宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。- L' C* u. H* B
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
7 m3 O' i. L0 uHolmes: Granted.1 H+ |9 B9 w0 i4 N- [
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
' o! I& I9 Q8 I5 M' @/ D9 AWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）0 k# d- z# k! Q4 V" M  M2 j
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。- G$ \  x: x7 H' M, N! R$ j. [( ^
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. p( ]6 a: q# KWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。, e0 t, k3 D& l0 D
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）' u! _; J. A6 o' P! Y
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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. t( A' V* q1 S9 y; q$ ]Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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% M' I3 b/ a9 F* F$ C, MIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。- |6 C1 x/ Y, Y- w: m# @, z/ A: J; Z
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
+ r+ A) ]9 @0 B$ ]) T, i: FIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
4 V2 G: D  G1 g3 S+ [Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
. K0 Y: B4 G  e( [7 R$ \8 A1 _Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
% C3 h  Y2 p6 o, r% J8 w' cHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
* s- ]6 z+ h7 SWatson: Get that out of my face.: C: {% b, E& J
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
* Q4 Z5 s( a* Q" JWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
) o) Q. z% b: q8 n, T" U路人警官Clarky上场。# Y! b% Z" V8 X) C; c6 @
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
' [4 B( |" F. C7 Z: a1 pHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）; t& b* Q& B4 E/ Z; l) p7 e
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。6 N- L! ?% L+ d3 S; w* Q7 Q
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?7 ?4 F, G0 q, I" ?5 m( [
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.6 i( p8 v: x. i3 ]4 L7 {( j
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" g5 l8 l2 Y( b1 P7 v( c/ n" X墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
) U; I! o& Z* K; L  R, x& J+ }; e（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）, P  }9 v+ P+ g9 N
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely., T) K* L# n- |
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）% y, h( G9 M8 D/ Z! h; p8 y
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6 M; H, v2 ~9 p1 \& A5 n  I河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。, t( n/ E& R$ e4 F# [9 Q; J" i
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
/ ]: [+ Y7 n$ N7 k* W, j' CBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
; ]8 Q! M2 w$ b% G, bWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）" E: `# {, x" J  w+ I+ I( k- X
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。& A5 w1 P7 T9 Q* h
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）6 g5 F* S. M# \$ R3 Q: F: t0 t
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。" ^6 Q' H. S/ V$ s2 X3 y- E
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）+ h% T. g+ E3 I) M* E+ o8 ?
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. Y3 X& s3 x: ^0 Z4 {警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
+ s! P; Z% \) N- Q. V: KLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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3 l$ V4 I' j0 T* u接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。* v1 F% y4 t% u) c4 i+ r
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
/ a5 w) x5 s) v1 w$ `0 n5 ?Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
: W: A$ Q; c; F. J) ~Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）1 P' |8 Y7 M$ Q3 |1 M9 ^
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）3 I/ F; M+ }* f( b- ?0 W! k
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?( V' T% I) w5 Q: J& D) I" e/ s
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
7 _) B5 Z1 m0 eHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）: Y8 ^$ F- b8 x, m
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）* Z, S: X( p; F4 i( Q5 z! K' t2 S
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）, _$ m" S  t/ b' ~9 L
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）, ~7 g8 U. P/ X3 r& [+ N/ o
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）4 N% A3 D% C" W3 b+ B! s9 o5 H
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）4 r, i1 i  i! y
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  s& c7 m  [+ V2 J% m1 @- |5 Z总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……