《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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0 \# q8 z- D& Y# U9 w, ^影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。/ y$ b+ F; I! _5 A8 w) }' J
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
  g  x6 y  r. }3 kHolmes: I just picked it up.
* q7 |& O5 Z: j6 D' K) nWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
- b* R( {$ K) g1 k3 N' R' KHolmes: Knew I forgot something.1 s* k' }5 z4 c4 Q
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）7 j9 \. _- G0 o- R4 {
Holmes: You did.+ \. r, K( `% ?# {
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
. M* a# B( G6 k/ `- }& rHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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5 L8 U* D( a; m9 b宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
, L5 Z5 q) i9 p( c1 yWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
6 w0 r, h5 J( l5 C7 CHolmes: Granted.* k3 i9 V8 p& [6 t- W
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。( x- p. b: i  A& [
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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% l$ Q4 }# N: {拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。& D% k- `2 T" |$ k* S. K
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。+ m1 y6 D0 J. C
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）/ q+ U" L1 u4 P
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+ H  s: Q' }  G  [5 S: K2 a! RHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。* Z+ b( G% X( L& e; k. \0 I2 {6 X
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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! n" ]1 }6 i* u- u  Z& X3 SIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
) g& B* ]9 I2 q5 sHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
/ f6 y2 P; Y/ k: k" E3 pIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope., n4 ?; m9 I5 I$ b# b( j
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。) |- d. t% r- v# X
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
- @! B1 D' j/ O0 D, i) ~Watson: Get that out of my face.. m, s9 [3 R+ x6 j! Q  m8 B2 i
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
) }! \8 J% p8 u& _* ?6 ?" @/ S2 wWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.3 m2 F! I5 U- V
路人警官Clarky上场。. a! h* _+ `! f- j( [) Q' l
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
5 @4 B1 @/ d8 OHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
/ v" h' j* ^/ }4 B/ ]1 y得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
$ h( o( m: [, ]/ u. H6 hWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
( u2 f) a$ X2 K/ e0 aHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.  Q0 A2 {  i7 C# d, ^  ~' q
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
# `# L& t8 g' U8 q9 M（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）# Y, [$ @2 ]: V' l& R7 Y; _3 W* S
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.9 V0 w- t9 j3 R9 k
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）5 z8 R# j" H5 z' e
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
, u  V1 z5 y1 x5 D# t7 t0 oHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）7 Z' E, R  c% F! p
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
- O% M! ?; G; V+ M% r" y3 XWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
; c, \$ G% \4 M* I4 i# a: i- U死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。) e) J4 y7 A, J1 o, T% ?# X
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
$ k6 M! B& A# ~! q% |后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。  m+ F4 M5 |2 e+ B
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
/ t  A- d+ y& c4 yLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.! p) {% }! {- Q
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2 c- s7 m8 }8 c; ]' Q+ L+ r9 \接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
) _3 q& e7 n$ x5 H( h话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。$ l+ l0 u2 i/ p0 N, U6 W
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）1 X" b* `0 p# {/ _" h6 o& C
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
' v1 Q6 \4 F0 v7 \4 c5 R0 LHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
5 P9 n! s8 t$ _& o9 a8 ~" [Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
1 p7 i" H+ \3 d6 i7 g& j8 \Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
' y+ \( _5 d9 F' x; R. M( ~% NHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）& p+ T3 S! C) Q
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）' E8 g6 H% ]2 Q6 Q" Y# S
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）+ q8 g* h6 m9 ?' z6 w, [  x3 ]
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）9 w8 t: `" k2 s6 h) c
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）& u2 N4 I6 V) ^( j3 K
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……