《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。- u" w3 r* K# y7 \# O& y0 q% p
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+ [7 I! l: P" u& w( R影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。  w; ?& T) d( u9 [/ ~; I) G
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
8 ?1 {  B; @' J0 \Holmes: I just picked it up.
' b9 I" b/ u9 W, Q0 O( h2 jWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
  v# H) w8 E% I4 o) t6 l1 z7 T  V* `% OHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
9 J* _# @6 u7 Z5 L/ G$ r( MWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
1 G: R9 Q% Z$ uHolmes: You did.
! d: ]6 H8 x; C  [（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）6 r; x1 L7 i3 a
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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% ^" _/ S6 z0 [! `3 x- D宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
* n$ B0 U9 D9 `5 p" xWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
- t0 m4 {. q  T; @0 A1 `. [3 D7 i7 uHolmes: Granted.6 V' H3 ~1 B0 I! C3 ]4 \3 X
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4 j5 A: ?/ T/ O8 L0 s* J晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
/ [( a$ R; G0 GWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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0 C+ l' s1 j& x6 q1 y3 Z6 @1 L拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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% w- f$ j  o$ S  g  {Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
  B6 H$ v3 m- sWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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* d0 `4 v& m6 ]) N0 }Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。8 j4 `' F8 T5 B, R
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。+ h5 F- w; J5 B9 s; i
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。$ O& G- I5 t9 E" L" l% V2 W, E
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
' V, W! `  q! s4 G2 m# |- lIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
5 `* l2 \- p2 ?, X! qHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）4 z) t( s1 [6 L! d3 h+ ?) K
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.3 g$ s; ]7 t& Q, v. t; r
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
8 B; L* H' F6 V! \( hHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）3 m4 X+ I2 g. o* e
Watson: Get that out of my face.
# E2 w5 w' s! Y/ r$ Z, E2 VHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.1 @0 J  X8 l" u5 t0 M* X
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
- J7 }/ m+ O. p* I路人警官Clarky上场。; A" L! W6 Q+ N
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.0 U7 m* U) N4 m/ K: v
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）, L: ?0 Z  w: t5 G4 V
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。3 ]& [8 g- \6 k9 K
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
: P& J/ N: p' J0 r5 HHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.% P+ E* Q3 c$ \3 H$ ?! F
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
# H* S1 a) {! U! P（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）/ M. j! N- ?7 N
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
1 W+ D" P7 t5 RWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）  J$ O0 m9 m( }0 \# r* S# W
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, Y, o" ]; G$ J) M) p河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
5 @. k+ B+ z: p% [/ p, V) y3 JHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
5 t, B% ?9 n! o3 U- O. T5 Y" XBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
  @6 O# l% E5 lWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
$ l/ Q' |9 c6 T+ u; k9 W- m! A; s( ^死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。, j+ O# \2 J) z+ i3 B: M% q8 D
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
% q( n9 |: N0 O3 V9 C8 w后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
9 b) Y% @4 L0 B6 s- Z" S4 QHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）. v2 Q& `5 _7 V3 _4 y0 w
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2 `1 `6 B9 n2 L8 v警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。  m/ O. j. n3 i0 ~5 n
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.4 l# p' B' K/ Q( S# i  S% z
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/ R# Y. R6 k7 n; ~6 w接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
+ I2 c7 p% ]9 d" d0 W9 w$ d/ c话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
: _$ H2 ~1 M8 D. F9 a. Z' q9 w5 g3 EHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）2 n9 r* y( C4 u; \% x: h! U
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）8 \% x$ B5 P6 N) G- z( D: l
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）1 X9 ]; h  X+ f
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
. J- Q4 a4 ]7 a% Q% d( xWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）0 v# G. V2 d4 x7 a1 y& P/ Y
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
! `7 o! r, r5 FWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
% v- T! y- O% C" B- RHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
) f- Y4 ]+ r9 `1 [# Q/ ~5 bWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）. \9 n7 F1 }8 e" |
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）3 e* _1 v7 k. Q5 O' F2 H& G
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……