《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。& H8 ]3 B/ Z5 ?6 J
***********
! M1 C5 r0 A2 Y1 t9 M! B  v1．7 `6 f- D$ B( \4 ^1 N' [  B' d. T% t: q
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。% b$ _5 I) ?* R
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）, m' m  N" E! Y* Z0 I6 G
Holmes: I just picked it up.
* p0 U3 V# B+ Q! c4 W/ z) nWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）; s, D% U7 n' Q! Z
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
; i7 x. C& {4 D- E7 t( yWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
; w. @0 l9 S& G' J6 A0 d% L' `Holmes: You did.
4 n" |& W  y  L2 ?# }. @' E（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）0 t% U) h; X* j4 J* n8 c
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.! C2 E5 V' V+ |3 c1 _9 ~
2．
1 x, x# J' o3 R3 [: b/ u宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。) t5 k5 p, u$ p
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
, Y+ C  h6 F1 \: wHolmes: Granted.
: z9 @0 F$ G" |% ]& }$ ?4 P' c3.& s: a0 n0 y$ t  H& Z
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。. i* ^; I6 P9 X+ M
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）+ T# L- X& ]$ |
4．
  J$ s. P- u  w% Q6 K( c8 Y) H$ `$ z4 p拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。% }. Z, i# l- c* A; q
5．
% p: K( D' N2 T$ x# U) oWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。4 k! g5 I- p1 }1 ^- |7 r& T
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）4 O$ ^" R% I9 q) H. G7 |. ^
6．
3 h# t1 _# t4 ^$ S! N- V& A5 {Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。, g4 }7 i0 L$ f9 P2 Q% C: d9 V" V0 s4 |
7．
! p, K' C1 J4 i- ZBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
: Z. m: j6 z0 O) P, o5 k7 }8．
4 S& P7 q) r5 j2 k" Z; y* x7 V! j! H! _Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。9 I4 X+ F, r& @* z, k
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）4 C+ D% A; T% h; H
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?+ O+ }, C5 z: @# X
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
0 e4 e) O# G. {* T. m" H6 w% rIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
- K1 F, E8 Z5 P' ?9．( q1 A5 H. i5 p5 [
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
/ e2 v, m# ^( Q5 X3 LHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）; H- }% X4 L8 V& \" J- }( S1 w8 e5 ]
Watson: Get that out of my face.
& V0 [: Z& E  x! [& a+ H5 f* UHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand." Z' ]# \# m, [
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
* U# N) M7 x" F路人警官Clarky上场。
( B+ n) p( }/ n; VClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.! ~2 }( z3 e+ A0 X; i
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
% g2 V1 _) H. k* |, |8 \/ v  G得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。  ^6 S% h- _5 t$ z* ]9 m1 q1 g  n. M
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?  }2 }: d& D2 {- z: d) @. Q# }, n
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.' b# ]7 ]% X0 \; e+ E+ k0 f7 W
10.$ c" R' F+ A  E+ e
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。4 O, K# G0 m; }4 n: v
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
5 J/ i6 |: N+ E. R4 @) BHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
6 U: q. _# N; h: h0 W& e4 SWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
) c# b5 J7 K/ u11．4 E, B2 @% z* A5 Y0 |
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。3 M* Y  I" Z1 h! S) l
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）% H& S& e8 N1 N4 o
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…( a0 y: N3 s( ^3 c/ E
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
2 B4 @5 b1 S) ~! s# @死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
( Z& D$ b9 \1 p& R: c  y$ wHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）# s/ n# E0 `& T8 {/ d
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
* \  Y/ V) b$ E. }- Z' AHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）+ G1 I5 Q) b& }( V3 b# q
12．
. A* i" F# L6 S1 T警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。& a5 s* s+ |* g, N4 u
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.5 h& Q$ v7 j. q
13.8 ?% x' f  j1 a9 W6 F
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。, A5 x! K, B  C1 {/ x' z
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。  T2 P7 C3 {2 a" y% Z% z
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）' f% E+ L$ T( i; _
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）& O& K6 V' I: Q% o2 S  a: t8 Y
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）& n+ k; F3 A" v- a1 s
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?# ?% f3 I; d/ J
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）6 m; j: `- K. ]- |: C1 d2 {; ^4 H+ g
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）7 o  V: m( E2 Y$ c- A% p% o
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
$ g: B7 L+ S  V/ C& fHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）" u. W% b: J& x1 O, b# \4 r3 I/ V/ X
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）) I  Y8 |# t, P- ?% m
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）* W1 l" `) }: i0 r
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
( G4 x3 G- H+ j***********
# F+ g/ J  q4 i; b总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……