《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。: @* z8 i# v$ @, G9 D9 ?5 x
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
/ a: e. P! j5 y% |1 l" o$ V* ?Holmes: I just picked it up.3 O# [* c/ O/ ^% i! z6 U0 ?& W
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
5 p& ^% F" {0 Y# Y: R$ zHolmes: Knew I forgot something., Z1 ^0 S/ g. E- l: U( m
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）8 j6 x) P# l6 b: `+ U
Holmes: You did.! k0 |! r/ P3 u, v
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）0 I, y* l& X* j2 |1 l
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.% a5 K  ^5 j3 \7 g$ z& J- O
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。5 p3 q+ F# W7 {
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.6 }8 d- Z" m8 m& y5 A/ F4 y0 _
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
8 l* Y5 k+ m" {7 JWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。  I( t" v' h( z- O: R" o5 |6 e
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$ E3 B9 |& i( z( A' C- g* `& D$ NWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
3 k1 A" W7 Q: I. |4 j0 p$ [Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）$ f& S! ?/ |' Y- ?) `8 T
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。& u5 `; M. h) N; m* G+ T  D, w
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$ i, p, I- V: n1 k* x3 B( pIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
/ P* ~: E; p  Q- T: O1 [Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）  C5 ?! u8 }9 l
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.8 X8 G; Q' W/ W  r
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。/ A( x1 A- z3 ]! e, _) D) |
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）! L) J' R( i9 h. s8 `2 L( K
Watson: Get that out of my face.. Z2 t  H" o& ?1 ]7 k2 Q  ?
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
; W7 F; v! ]0 E( AWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
# `2 {& b  @' _1 O% M路人警官Clarky上场。/ H; g; x/ w8 I
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.4 |4 O* H9 s4 t& b( P4 l
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）8 S  [. N, i* O# Z- C4 }/ j
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。' r/ f% H. Q# R9 b) x
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
+ g2 S/ T, i1 \  R+ K  @Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.1 T! Q& j" e9 z$ D
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5 E: ]4 w7 ~: q. A) d; D墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
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Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.! p; D# a/ A9 w2 @2 z; p0 p
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
5 D$ O! s) i" HHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
7 F. Z. V2 v- C, SBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
7 A- Y8 C) b+ h4 i( J1 `% b2 E( a# U# RWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
7 T0 e/ @, N8 y% \& i死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
8 p! P# X! h- N! O1 Q% ~2 ?# sHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
( p. Z  L- j3 j$ O* c$ Q2 ]' h- x后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。1 R3 w2 @0 d2 R5 ?6 I- d' ]
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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8 V% w$ @1 }5 q( ~" \$ ^/ }* C警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。5 w% r; e; R2 Q+ k2 l
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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7 B  {4 s6 j6 I) N5 |接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。* l$ i1 p' r' u- h, M7 p& f  y
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。4 b# z$ s7 O2 o
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
" {! x% S7 a- z6 xWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
3 t& \4 v1 ^& b; d: rHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
# p4 d4 X1 m. r* jMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?% s4 U! J+ S4 G$ P. D3 V5 D0 p
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）1 ]7 }0 f; u( P9 I4 M1 H; P
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）  E2 W% I' r* L
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）% s* T3 u# G/ M
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）1 v3 y7 z0 O& k
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
; T) c" Q9 }1 g% GMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）* |4 ]. c6 b0 U, J& k
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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" V% u3 s* {0 l总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……