《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。$ F8 }% i  d, ?7 c
***********
9 {: n5 T! R0 m. x) E( k$ W4 Z1．" B/ P& T& G6 ~: N9 f, Y1 q1 \2 Y, ?
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。6 I$ N6 u/ X0 @% t* N
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）4 f$ |, r% _: Y7 z
Holmes: I just picked it up.' r% D/ \" b& n3 s1 S& F& R
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
7 G" X3 c6 j: t6 [Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
* S9 C5 ]8 s% jWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
( A4 N9 s3 u3 O2 \' k( c* ?Holmes: You did.
8 A* r' g" D7 j* [* ~, p8 e  c（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
2 p* q3 X. Z7 v$ jHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.0 d; k# Q* B4 V5 k7 K8 `- t
2．
, V/ y( D) i. X) J/ F0 n1 G宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
$ R1 f" w$ |) U- V4 h; HWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
! h: b+ J% A# h' ?5 ?Holmes: Granted.4 r/ q" ?' N! k" d2 f$ l4 Z* u8 L
3.( z' d0 H6 Q* V% j4 |! _
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
6 K2 u2 N1 O* o, G4 }7 u: L8 n+ hWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）0 r- s+ t( J5 h* q9 h8 l
4．% ^; w3 m4 s: Z* U# t% p7 t
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
" r& j. E& Y; I1 N5．
# t* ]! C0 l7 M5 l$ bWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。# P) S  U$ h- |1 J- d
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）% {5 P7 b* F* S4 P  q# b
6．& F- G  ?( N- e. J
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
0 r: n. }% M& B8 L7．
1 H4 b+ c+ B- E' SBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
5 e" ~4 ]8 R! X  D* n& q8．
- C0 d& H  V+ {0 q& ZIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
* e! k8 a" s1 ?+ c+ r) d, n（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）7 C: B% i( ]$ M- O$ w$ ?: z8 d
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
1 q# Y. k8 b) Y0 l9 U8 yHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）( b2 b; d% O* |0 Y0 j, B
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
' Q$ R$ F6 s7 f9．/ \1 P9 G% ?9 n9 U. `8 Q; d
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。& {' T  Z7 k8 e1 l1 l1 V6 l
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
) A% c/ B/ L+ s' G  aWatson: Get that out of my face.
# _0 `* j6 O) h' h0 t0 p! |Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
8 G1 B. B. |) V* bWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.9 ~6 T( B: z/ ^/ e4 f
路人警官Clarky上场。
4 O% J  W! Q$ r6 f. YClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
. D) I" z/ N1 J1 ?/ d% {9 K$ |9 g2 [Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）+ B1 n/ j% V% q! |" r6 s& J
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。/ n$ g" K* i/ |* s
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?" D/ E4 p  E3 M( t+ P
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
0 @( k! P# ]. g/ {" j10.7 N0 p. F/ \9 P; k; M
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。' c# X& z6 A4 ^: B! U* g# ?
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
* Z0 d9 E7 A9 p! [/ O# HHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.7 x. P% W: X& y& |
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）; M! T3 B7 t3 Q
11．
8 M+ L# f, |  }+ G0 v$ W( Q4 [" ]河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
) c$ o7 M& w& THolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）6 M( K5 d' j; q
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
* h0 U& _2 w' r" \0 y7 z2 D- B, j2 VWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）& F1 m3 Q3 w* n5 N9 N
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。& U2 s* t9 s; o; y! O' d' n$ M
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
" W2 k! a7 l  u" k后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
5 P7 Z; s8 u3 T, j; }6 v4 JHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
( Z! H% b' b' K6 n# |7 M9 L( B12．$ p5 c1 n3 j, R& ~. o! N
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。, L3 L6 Z3 r: C& v( F
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
( D  W. S* z5 ^9 t13.
/ Y, h/ p# D7 b* {+ D4 H接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
8 p; @$ @- p: U话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。+ t0 a. S" P( s3 }3 a5 p
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）7 k) p, l) r7 H, ?. C  m
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
, O* C, _" _( e- M7 Z) F. VHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）# b& q% D! C4 i4 P" p2 L
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?$ f/ D* w- N# A. V( k: e
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
  g- ]0 M9 a6 }: H. k9 e! cHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
- V) b- M* ^5 |2 L% ~. q2 OWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
( o6 G1 a5 j) x* w' MHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
9 f6 u) k, g' j0 VWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）, P" r, a3 k3 Y/ q; B7 ~
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
* a7 }: R! o7 X0 _$ G（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
* F' O* I. o% y; q3 F. s***********
  {0 o2 ]4 E& {) ]7 l: y总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……