《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。! A& r$ R5 s# K3 t  d, S8 ^
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。! t! P$ I9 ~1 ~5 Y
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）- y8 K4 d* H& i4 i/ o; V6 u
Holmes: I just picked it up.
) ^$ V7 \. ~/ b7 k* P( ^4 ?Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
1 L1 g. w4 A- F* c) aHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
9 u7 w1 Y' z- `2 i1 n( I, z! d1 zWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
- U" F2 O. E/ k! u: |5 E& M- ZHolmes: You did.9 G0 }6 x: p% f" W0 a/ e) n
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
2 @# \% U* o1 f& B9 m) f/ j* ]Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.: _7 L5 X5 K1 u6 @3 K
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。: h" O* g& l, t' \
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.) _9 t4 b( S0 y- u# Q2 I
Holmes: Granted.4 h& p( t6 v. }
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5 H/ j8 h$ E8 @- a晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。& M1 i" m4 {: d  U1 E! y* n
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。5 t1 Z) T$ _: n
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( `  J/ V3 ~, s9 @& oWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。, d4 X, Y/ x) t: b& Q4 q, q9 ?7 s( |$ `7 D
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）& e2 T7 a, p) J( d) b
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$ ]7 |2 Z% ~9 I1 ?% r: N6 F+ W& lHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。0 l- _, H0 t3 V, s% s
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, V9 b9 p- h: {( ?& d/ zBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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2 ~+ y, y5 K3 R6 \( k, c- ^' p8 i2 J! DIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
* k9 {9 e  K' @3 Q（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
" U( V5 [+ ^/ q9 d. I+ r; ^6 lIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
7 g& _+ A5 p4 w0 H8 A% s! iHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）  J- k6 {+ _8 a/ w, k
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.* W- O7 V4 Q. \+ p9 D" P
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
: `+ U( p2 H0 J& IHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）8 y3 i! h" m5 z/ ?  ?7 w3 P0 M
Watson: Get that out of my face.  y( e* L" a2 {7 a# D' Z9 O
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.$ ?6 x; \( y9 e3 g
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
5 ]6 D& O( a/ A: ?路人警官Clarky上场。/ o. i% R4 |9 D/ {; Q$ {
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
. J4 f) g* Y9 w( F' D7 hHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）$ f  O* x0 X* D2 V
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。  U+ G/ d  M: Y& ^
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?5 _! D7 w8 S& f2 j3 J0 g
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.) ]' o) }- m5 Y! d: ~2 W
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。' r: q& ~8 L1 h
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）8 Q) f( N! J( Q' ~" ^- S
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.1 |) Z$ e$ [6 L' L' X9 q
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）) U5 W( @* ?3 @( \# g/ c' U
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! i7 I3 }( g# K% ~) m" m  P河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
! K# }" A7 T7 s7 T( yHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）  W% w: V! ^. [7 ?& ?! c3 z
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…$ `3 F5 i4 m& N  R) ?. n; \
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）* [  q; M# |2 N( f) j
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
  a; E) |" }/ n) RHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）) ?6 E  \/ Z9 V# q0 O
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。2 u* Z% Z9 c  m$ Q, k6 {
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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; a1 D4 \$ K/ y8 b; [警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
. T  \0 B( v8 ^; s! a; `% Z& c/ YLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。+ f7 l6 U1 a1 M% u. j! J
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
# b; D, ~! G3 o' w6 y' GHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）7 l: S5 I8 w8 h
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
" I/ q: y8 p  O7 kHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
$ j9 b5 g/ P( H0 z% sMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
/ Z7 S6 c1 e1 ^0 Q/ k) AWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
+ X. ~: c) K( tHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
) y! T, N! k6 v4 bWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）% v( n  b0 H9 A
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
/ b3 Q* k- ~' I+ jWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
/ d0 M, a8 V; Y! V# ?# tMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
/ A0 a. f" C  g& T# B# `5 B! u（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……