《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。! H6 n+ z( S( K& N0 V) N. e1 Z
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
0 X3 P' G' e* S- I0 J) E, FWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）. _  }4 R1 R4 H) u0 |
Holmes: I just picked it up.7 J! [* n0 [/ m/ ~0 K
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）8 |/ G5 R' p, ^! H
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.5 z& P; u. l* u- v" o% P
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）; b, O* s7 X  I5 Y  v
Holmes: You did.- H% U  y0 S) r$ u
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
" H' c+ Z: w( \; C  J9 x2 m4 MHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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# ?; C8 c5 U6 Y$ Z" i  {宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。7 ~9 N* D$ i; l4 x3 N, C1 P
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.) {5 Z( C) T) [
Holmes: Granted.% m. }' w) s# h  h
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5 y5 j) G4 g3 ?! F$ B. {晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
( c; k2 p: E/ O1 M: D% CWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）" s5 u9 z: v1 {% P
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。/ T+ B( H. C4 v1 x- Y# [
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% y0 \+ J) t, {! O" AWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。+ }$ H- ?$ B0 c3 ]
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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8 q# ]$ U) i: F- l% tHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。& m) F$ [0 B  |, C6 H# r* b. z1 C
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
  _( S* Y  G; b$ X* @/ U( O) zIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
" y0 J1 u/ O! D- ~Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）2 k, D' A! B" o, E6 _
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.' B9 z" n, @& k# `
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。& |, E- T$ L  t) O2 r% W
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
) r' ]) D8 z" [3 O: w+ R' o8 a+ Q9 jWatson: Get that out of my face.
2 h/ \) {( ]4 k# ~Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.+ k/ r6 \5 d" n
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.7 B/ G  x& e: |* n5 n, k
路人警官Clarky上场。
" ^( D9 }# A9 |* x7 BClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.4 \2 V7 B! d/ h9 q0 }
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
; r$ E$ K1 c) y8 }3 L% M得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。9 R: Q$ J0 w" P5 X5 e
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
% E& y, {8 s# v# v5 GHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.$ n1 y7 g# m5 J* q' n1 u
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2 |0 }& {* D! _& _( Q0 f墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
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Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.- r$ |2 P' F- d/ |  Q5 |+ \' H
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）2 X3 `2 g0 T  P1 k1 x. w
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1 Z& B7 S" O0 O2 s% A: _河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
: s8 U9 J( O7 EHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）# ^* N7 Z! a5 R* x
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…2 [7 B6 y1 N/ q4 Z1 @
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
. h6 p- i7 S( M: _- V4 q死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
% G( }) j: Z$ K: ?  ?Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）8 c& b0 p$ K0 K8 H
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
  p( x7 F6 l' W* x' LHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）5 z) ^, F. o; g! u% k! f- E# y" j' Y
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。; T# v3 h4 q4 W$ k
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.% ]5 t% \3 J  a4 m( K/ M
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/ _6 m4 D$ M  G, ]( }) j8 c. q接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。, X/ o) x8 E+ [5 x# d4 i2 f5 _
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。; m( \" S" T* o9 F. [, b) c8 X* m) B( v
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）* u0 B/ V( F$ s, J
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
, I; o% Y  K' [% D/ F& [2 V' \Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
  H& r4 e8 o8 @* m# YMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?6 a) X6 v9 o. T3 z
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）: S* Q  J. A7 \4 Z# ]
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
* G  Z- K" y* G! B  }8 s  u# ]* cWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
, x. x6 Y1 o9 e* F1 G+ o& }& E& t, uHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）+ k: C9 m' m: @' F5 B# F8 ~
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
6 T) \- z" G- t3 v: AMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）6 ]5 v( S" \5 U& G4 S) b
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）* v5 B0 Z* v! y. p0 S
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……