《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。! T  r/ q9 V! W- [: y: l
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
/ V$ Q- T6 c% t: o3 z9 Q0 @* mWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）7 B/ W, o' ?$ S8 l+ U6 W/ R- q% [8 ^
Holmes: I just picked it up.1 P8 j+ \& h1 r$ j: R+ J) _
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）! G) m$ y& q  s' o5 e3 @, a5 q$ N
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
- B' h4 G0 p0 \* M+ UWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）+ J7 F$ U' ?+ F, ^; e% v
Holmes: You did.7 t. x% d* G; [+ B, x# {
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
% w1 e+ s. r: |  R! u' y+ ZHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.7 V* i9 h4 s) ]( t. r( c, v( B/ ]
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
. X1 y* L  l2 O3 o* j% Y  ^Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
& R: v! L2 W1 K! IHolmes: Granted.* j! {$ C& C1 m# P
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& X# ]! q5 }, s% ?3 p晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
; N1 D) S0 X7 q; L) U3 _Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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: P/ V" K( n: y2 _4 c- W' G# J- rWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
8 o5 v4 H. y4 R1 w7 O2 ]Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）7 q) [0 v# R4 s3 ]& _
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: |  K. D" }, F, P* p# m* rHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。3 ?7 d5 a( P! E- M! y8 t
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9 ^' s, ~2 ^- ]; Y+ QBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。8 g. L0 y- s4 e0 p7 g' W5 b7 B
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）$ C$ r/ R. T7 y* c% H6 t$ X! Q, \
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
0 U  B# |: W" a. @* A' ?Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）3 k: i2 s, q2 Z5 W3 m. U" E) l. |2 t
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.& ~$ ]4 G5 \& l
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
  E% F. U5 b/ E. G, d# k6 b: EHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
/ s: W7 U& x9 Z3 wWatson: Get that out of my face.
( e9 E6 m; E* F3 SHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
# I; e& H) y" hWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.: E( K" j" T( ]4 y" Z* J
路人警官Clarky上场。
" e/ S1 [! e! v: O- N: e: zClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.+ i& P& A  Y* i, ]* f; E- E7 f
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）5 {' w2 D; O# U7 \$ h2 H
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
0 H# v/ |. T! ~Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?8 D6 i# ^: X$ E  t% K
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
7 T! y. }1 q3 p; K" J6 J% i（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
# G2 b) U0 x9 N7 p2 K4 G' FHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely., D& k* n' T$ t6 U+ k4 V: F4 z
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）+ a* x( |, L$ k; b% _
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
) Q& Y  m6 L- D# u0 H* @; C, [Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
- O9 R+ x2 |: Q6 Q/ C* D9 jBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
  E9 _% a- H) g. Q; oWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
) }0 x4 Y" S- Y3 E3 k  x死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。" \. A/ Z. r% v
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）* s  v) E- ~0 L, O/ X, {& K
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
% L, B  A" g! vHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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) Z) N: F- n8 u" h2 E" z& h+ p4 M警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
4 x% ]. v( o9 z: z$ ?5 v9 ]Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.7 @9 ^: f$ G4 I- f" }' W! o! g# s
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4 c" U9 U" N8 N) r0 r接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。7 ~) L  Q+ w) Y( c
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。3 X1 h5 p' m' t" r& A& w
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
: {% ~, `: k' R) ^3 \( b/ Z1 LWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）% R4 k  w* m0 A8 x' c
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
' j* h( }/ L2 C& Y) s7 GMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
# H7 O7 y( l, s( ~. _; s9 ZWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
4 b* U3 N" j7 K$ J- Y' EHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
6 C) C! P; c* D+ a9 VWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）4 N4 B% l  D# w: d1 k9 I
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
7 U0 Y1 |: ^  \; \! MWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）: T* T# M5 f: d; w( ^7 X! q
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）, a# D# D( D. O3 o" H) j1 I7 k
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）) t, g% S6 s! K. u) R
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, U- g: o% g9 i$ Q  ]4 f: |& s总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……