《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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# B& a9 \# k: s$ r$ b  w影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。5 q9 t% w# v( \- b  H
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）) V6 M: @$ S- E* o$ [  G6 V
Holmes: I just picked it up.' F/ o: s! ]* Y8 D* Q# q) n3 y
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
3 z* H4 E5 Z- x- N" j7 [! r, r, _7 hHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
6 g* j4 ~" j! {: nWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
- p4 D% ]9 F* A# ]" A: {; e: mHolmes: You did.# W/ `4 N8 b* j- l( R3 C* |0 t& [- @
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）4 x. d  n1 u$ S8 M# p6 d4 }( x
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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# V: V  |$ z3 l- C; d宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
6 n2 @  M/ U: Q2 y  F! _Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
1 ]6 K5 T/ b6 `2 U: n) cHolmes: Granted.
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6 g. U( U8 F- u+ j晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。2 q2 E" t! Y& r* A3 r
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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( s1 J) q9 B8 q% H/ f拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。) B. M0 Z6 [2 P" H* @
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）' [$ J! c6 [3 t5 q4 }
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! q5 q1 H: K  O8 pHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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* O- s1 ~4 `' j8 rBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。5 L% T+ w" G7 k! }5 R4 R) ~
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5 J6 [) k2 H$ ^3 O( C6 O6 k" TIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
# {( v4 P) A( K% l, Y（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）" A5 Y* n, Q8 a* R0 E% ?
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
6 N: G5 h5 E+ JHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）3 V, U6 \- X5 f9 f/ ^" [
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。9 [, Q. [9 u" D2 V
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）  W& E: [9 b2 R8 K9 _' @
Watson: Get that out of my face.
, ?3 @! {/ C$ \6 N5 a6 L8 LHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.3 `8 d# g0 ^2 |3 {: q
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.3 a0 N# c$ U6 R$ `, M1 q0 \
路人警官Clarky上场。' `' ~0 Q& q- }. P* d5 c7 F+ |7 r
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
+ q1 ^$ ~) M* wHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
. g% Q* S. e8 H5 u( m- T得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
( N5 S, f+ a3 Y# F" ?Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?+ {" D+ B0 Q3 D! J4 q8 V/ p( ]
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。- m, X7 ~. ]. y4 z& W
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）& `5 u# n" W( C! y+ N7 B! ^
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
/ O" Q) s7 `7 _Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）( b  [& ]% Z1 h" p6 u3 i  H
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" r* h) Y9 L5 Y) M河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
- ], n  _0 |4 l. ]. bHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
9 ^# z+ V- Q: K  R/ Q# U! HBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
6 V( E( R# y0 i1 h) i$ `Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
0 w2 l$ X) o2 R, J死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
& D6 ]1 J! P: ]  O+ LHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
& j' A( h6 n0 T- y7 S后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
* r; C4 c- Y4 x! c7 y, oHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。: O- F0 F0 ]( \
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.6 I) \6 S+ ^3 ?# m
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1 C3 X6 ~# R# E4 I接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
- C8 Y! I! I# G. ?/ V话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。8 S  N1 @' O! Q% R
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）# u: G& |( V" P
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
8 l" V7 u  T8 ^: L1 e# HHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
/ N& q+ \1 o5 r9 C; eMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?2 J5 v! P* }* c5 ?  u- i
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
. e! y# _' T2 {; |( W" x, dHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
' G# H+ T1 A4 `; pWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
* ^9 n6 @  ]' w! t- j0 s' THolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
: k3 x( h) z2 s- N6 ^# DWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）: p5 W! I" [4 a* p  P7 b- O, E8 e; Q# d
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
# c* j7 x/ Z8 z4 f（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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# P9 o' L. F/ d" t9 Y. d$ R7 {总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……