《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。5 ?. w% d$ ^7 y* g- l- Q2 P3 Q; N1 z
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- W. L: ^2 V4 C: v" V影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
/ Q3 U, i: x! j+ v  S2 t6 r' Y4 NWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
0 G* Q; P8 ]) vHolmes: I just picked it up.6 ?2 [$ P- H4 s( g
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
1 f) ~+ A$ ?2 G" M( o: VHolmes: Knew I forgot something.7 g4 g- j+ [# [8 d
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
" V1 [* W& O! W# @3 jHolmes: You did.' F: i! }7 i% |8 u- L8 \5 M8 `$ I
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）6 n: y( M' c! a3 U& K1 g9 I
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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' o$ p6 G  E2 l. t3 G4 {9 H宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。1 K2 h4 h# f6 \8 ^; F: A
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.3 p- x4 |+ H3 F+ {7 D+ {1 d
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。' |# @" V5 c3 N% M0 t
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）' T0 E3 m7 P' [5 _2 G# u
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。' X, j7 E+ w3 Z
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, O! `- Z' k% ^  P7 CWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
4 s. K* f  ~1 V; A( RWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。! O0 p( n0 A5 P; c; e
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# s( L; J8 [7 w9 K  |Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。. d8 H6 E9 s4 P! O% K
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
6 |% ~! k: @" K$ N0 o6 oIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?5 V: n# I" t, r" d
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
  [7 `$ N. E& F, _: [/ x$ aIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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- ~% g4 E! n. B5 W7 b8 yIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
! X6 Q) {# ~& x5 e! CHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
: W: i- A; i3 L- P6 E2 b7 yWatson: Get that out of my face.& w7 ^5 J2 \! W6 F
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
1 @. y" Q8 v' rWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
; b4 f. F% B( B5 R9 T; `5 ~路人警官Clarky上场。
- @0 i$ U7 M" z6 UClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.% ?4 _) B- G& {. S: d
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）* Y* @+ D5 k6 F7 F; R
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
+ ^; Z' p  i4 b5 m  P$ `8 c0 UWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
7 E0 ~7 n- z  S  k: k. ]0 fHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.- M" ]4 Z9 y8 [* k' C  E! E& ?, ?
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。8 P6 [. w- G5 g- s. N
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）* K7 S4 v/ b) e0 I$ M8 S" E4 H
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.1 h2 L- J$ y6 n' F7 j& ?
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）/ i+ m; g+ ?& V; l+ Y  `, R
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/ p7 R* d1 ]4 W' d, h河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
- S; K, J- N, Z3 YHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
  w8 e, |- y1 L/ V3 l; S: W" D! V7 RBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
9 ^! q' u2 U- q' p, MWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）  j% N+ i8 H/ e" m
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
& J: g7 @+ G% ]2 x8 M5 z- s2 n: ?Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
; f) R3 J3 m* M: a$ u, p: d, K% C后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
' z: ~+ O8 C% N! E' c0 K$ a% nHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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9 l8 C1 i# ^" V1 f( l警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
" ]( q/ P' {4 x2 ~Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.' B1 J9 K7 [5 Z
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* R8 }. o: P6 m/ D, K3 x( ~2 p# X接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。* a3 f+ a( b! b, ?4 Y
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。9 A; ^% \) J: P
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
) x/ x6 b( r; l# |/ y- }0 \Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
4 C) v! H% K  I5 D6 bHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）* l' f; F! Y; p7 x/ F
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?# L7 |+ U( x: b# K1 r3 U+ \
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
3 t3 N/ ?& f- ?( OHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
0 m  x+ v, l" I- zWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
$ D( P4 ^5 o2 {$ ~Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）9 N8 C8 I6 N2 x/ p9 `
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）! a( P* h( O' t
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
/ t  `( A2 ]* z. }（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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9 a) x0 e6 @0 Y4 w总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……