《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
' ?% k# t) a: n4 v% Y3 c***********% t. o" g0 F0 N
1．/ P7 d9 C& g( L3 I
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。' l! y4 @0 Z9 {" ]3 R8 E3 z0 }4 a
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）/ m9 H; u; e) `
Holmes: I just picked it up.8 z9 W- J, s% J
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）1 P/ ~8 g# g. r0 d& J
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.. C; ^7 G: N. i' d% L9 G3 I
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
0 A" `% N, K* r3 u8 `Holmes: You did.
2 n, o, b5 G$ y2 X/ d8 w  X2 N（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
+ k8 A# \" v$ w: pHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
5 J5 K3 P/ ]) u1 |) a, D) {8 Q2．  O" v; c6 e) |' Y  ]3 r
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
0 O. @: A; v+ c5 U5 w" ~1 dWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
" D0 i2 m* d( E! u5 Q" C" A0 F" S; f: ]. MHolmes: Granted.3 {) [5 {! y" e' j: h
3.% L$ u  T1 z# r2 @0 n6 W, o& w8 |/ D
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。( C# @( y$ Z7 D# L
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
7 d) R* t4 ]  k0 @- y. U4．
% N# E6 E$ W* a9 R/ l5 j3 ?拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
6 V- `. w5 P; f0 C  @) t. U5．
" ~) ]' S5 a, M. @3 p( J8 Q  |Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。2 n; N8 L8 [# O% K( Q* g! @
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
6 r. c0 e; `% Z8 J4 y  h6．$ V, u- e( ?* W4 j2 i7 t
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
6 P/ n# Z/ Y* J- g/ N7．' d5 q& H# r. O" ^4 q" `, b
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。* Z9 T9 j" J7 c4 F: ]2 r. V" N
8．
3 ?( r9 l# k% I3 X* y+ q- mIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
6 j4 Q: y) u( _9 {, X1 t6 l( E（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
. M, P& D$ p& K3 a- R' NIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
( K: t2 X8 m6 ^Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）+ A% W2 s5 W3 K* _. V& ?# K( p" Q
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
) i4 g' c8 X8 q0 ]1 i& D9．
: _/ D" o1 n/ {% H$ XIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。9 o, r% [7 q+ b5 W$ `
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
! L, N0 t4 N8 C8 S" {* Q- a! o* HWatson: Get that out of my face.& w4 j' m) p9 U6 i# j
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand., M1 X' @& q+ S& k5 e. H
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
3 F7 I2 g# S1 j1 P, q  u路人警官Clarky上场。2 W) u6 y0 K1 ?- U! S: O6 @
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
- a. {  |  y( aHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）; r+ ]0 M& `. b$ B" K2 X; X
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
1 h8 O" ^! p( E' ]& z% UWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
9 @/ K" X5 @; y4 x5 H4 [Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
$ l: s# g: a# k0 L' f10.  b1 k0 _% H0 W0 x2 d
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。5 N/ h2 m+ a9 G. E  i2 }7 H
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）4 R! x5 j- E1 T. o
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
7 ]1 \  c4 R. R# V; r( [Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
6 G1 Q3 ]% I" D9 U& l5 H" \5 L( ^1 h11．
4 R9 X/ W5 F% G! Y, C! S- E河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。& q* \, E0 P& o8 |0 d1 r" g  `6 U
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）5 F9 {8 N" j' |* k# w% n
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
* E4 a0 u/ T1 H- `+ PWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
9 G( U; O1 W6 _2 k# H死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。& z; u9 Z+ E1 u5 \' @# A) E
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
! b9 L$ B$ S, r' g# E- F3 f后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。7 n. ~% O6 s1 o8 N/ Z; s/ r
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）4 J% Q! E6 i, Y4 E/ ]0 ~! w
12．: c5 i" s* A/ i( m& U: K( A8 g
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。( c: T1 E/ C( T) o! M
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
% Q4 f9 ?* O3 A" ~# U. b; n8 z3 g$ Q13.) g, P6 ?& `2 U, |" T, C4 h, i, S
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
* Q" H9 N9 S9 L9 E话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。0 _5 x: {4 A* ]# O0 _! b
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
( ~: g0 v  H, f+ [* _; `Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
3 y5 X; W* N! {' X9 C, o) `1 U# n+ {Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
7 C  y3 J+ A9 F1 j" @/ SMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?7 X, H( U0 ]* v2 C1 @
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）1 I8 u- S2 K( }+ S+ o
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
: ^3 C5 \7 n: |+ O1 IWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）7 B- @( z3 t. Y5 A, @- _
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
! u9 F5 O2 A) h) P+ sWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）: c/ g+ q8 I0 ~) @* O
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）2 n! Z4 A' h, @4 @/ }2 d/ x" V
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）2 E4 f9 Q# [6 d& d* Q
***********
, J. `0 l7 ?, [, u7 b# y, Q# i总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……