《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。" s. v$ b) S* K) v% X4 a
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+ M1 ^: [5 V0 ~* z3 {, ?  @影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
2 P* o2 i% m- G) i. h  ^! m9 h! {Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）8 c% H1 ]" a* I
Holmes: I just picked it up.7 B8 E3 n* f' E& ?5 S3 `
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）* r  ?* j. a+ a  G/ m
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
3 }# V  a2 o- `5 @1 PWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）  ^! `. V  L$ k4 D  G" M6 n
Holmes: You did.- R$ p/ a- h+ h# g4 ]. R% ?; u% ^
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
, l2 l' V  Y4 N& e' B! J* BHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all., F3 b; y! p/ F% K0 S
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。* G$ B: ^7 ^1 v
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
7 C5 Y9 U. c# o+ x1 BHolmes: Granted.; ]* Z0 z- z2 M2 ~! @
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。1 O! X0 C6 \5 T; |# C( b
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。# I. X, {! a$ p* U+ w6 ~
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6 Y7 G( Z( y$ k# f5 HWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
' H, @5 R+ s1 W$ n9 nWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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3 X# r( [  H& |+ |8 v/ I  ^Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。. i- P# G- o" x. q
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9 a/ F5 O0 U" V5 gBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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/ g. v5 e% l0 _0 eIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。( T9 o" K, }. O5 H! n7 u) k  H
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
, e# [: e: ]8 F) t" TIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?( h  |+ I" x: p% y2 p6 {# \
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
' ?( n1 A8 [# O; W5 A2 iIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
5 g* |1 n1 e, ]% s2 g) KHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）# }3 X6 |' g' V' {
Watson: Get that out of my face.
7 A8 }& Q' G, d( NHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.8 V9 J4 r# r1 R8 m3 d) f
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
* q# i/ }3 f+ _9 v6 [. v& B路人警官Clarky上场。
) w( W( F" N6 e4 q7 A$ eClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
% ]; t5 h6 @: Z1 K# w! D; jHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）( @$ v4 q$ @9 |
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
4 i  Z7 `7 z' H! t( R" nWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?, D! x' B& }: S# B
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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9 j* _- B' |1 W+ Q( u墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
5 a6 S3 l! D1 e. B) o. Q, G（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）2 c  [, L7 y4 k& f/ e& Z0 S
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.7 N) Y+ h( R; Y9 n! }2 b1 w  @3 t2 {2 T
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）) u3 N9 A+ C" h+ F: n
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
+ a- Y( [3 s4 x: J' qHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
  _+ r" s: M! iBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…2 I, P; }  i0 b
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）6 C$ c  ?- y5 \" R" y: K/ c
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
# M1 s5 x7 x$ IHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
" r8 L8 c9 `* R$ y5 u后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
& R9 q0 G! k- Z% s  hHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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! x8 [- W4 P; V8 m& A. M, T警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。! W% @7 w; \! M# Y5 }$ Z
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
$ Q0 \9 p6 J" ^9 T6 ^& _0 x话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
- w$ j/ `. T7 u. m4 DHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
3 V6 N6 k3 s1 o& K9 TWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
- U+ ]  V6 j+ G/ R  HHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
# p& U7 r$ \$ p$ H+ F. RMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
  `7 I+ x, H( _, t+ i  VWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
6 t' Q% ^1 @8 B! P4 nHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
; ?4 ^- S1 \$ r1 @- ?7 GWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）( x) x; k4 P. v8 P, ~3 ?$ y/ c2 v, |
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）4 r( s/ w* f3 g" M
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
' Z+ T+ m  \0 O" eMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
; ]: r6 ]5 H4 ]' Q$ h- B7 b1 a（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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4 G8 P5 m; _# F2 }/ Y7 z总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……