《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。% _# X5 e+ ?5 T$ t2 I" n$ D
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
" b5 B5 ?7 o' d1 D2 LWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
7 C. [- ~) v9 SHolmes: I just picked it up.
" Y1 j) {( h$ D5 A" j* R+ v) F/ \Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
4 {  A2 W8 T0 A" S' Z7 ]! T. aHolmes: Knew I forgot something.7 d, }, ^/ e, D% Q  C) S
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
$ K) ^& E$ S2 U8 i3 ~* \: ?. DHolmes: You did." P+ t3 t& {, p* Y- ?- t, n
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
) k9 I& {1 o( P) o% i( gHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。0 D! m  h/ p: P! q0 G' Q
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.. k0 I. i$ S* ]- u) l! l
Holmes: Granted.. m6 P1 b; O2 `+ Q! J
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/ W  I3 e" L0 p; c7 e. t: \, O晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
: F$ n7 x. Y( g1 AWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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" r; r3 _+ o) g/ A$ r( v8 Q. S" N  @8 C拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。( _  m( F) b& Y% x  e1 U
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。( O) x- W( _7 E9 E( H" N5 [
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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  P8 Z9 Y8 ?! V% K  mHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。( I3 w2 f, W4 t6 f" I9 y! D
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。4 P/ j9 c6 y/ Q! t# `
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0 l; A4 L. v! f$ K, JIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
0 U  b. E5 G2 K- n9 U! `（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）" W" N" t, `( C% V# u! W/ J
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
. u) t/ Q1 J* n- `$ l; gHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）6 m5 Y" K0 a8 y; U0 z* |! ]
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.* s% m' W* K0 r( t9 ^/ p
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3 v3 {' C' q/ M) I% HIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
3 s( J+ u/ H/ E$ X; mHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
" u3 `3 n, C! G+ [/ i" KWatson: Get that out of my face.
' Q/ ?6 l% V4 ]& H6 u/ WHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
# a6 \; p# l6 Q' v" W6 s. FWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face./ C: `4 r  K/ F& ~7 Q' F$ N! z
路人警官Clarky上场。+ g" Z3 V. E/ y' [* z" @+ O
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
5 F1 z3 |' o0 |; R& o  tHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
4 P# Q0 I0 T1 S- A* @9 G得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。* o6 }/ a- t, N4 U  e1 h
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
' K6 S) [; q. ]9 k' \Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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/ I' l- A) u1 M9 j) i7 R墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
7 ]5 l* h. w) j! M# X0 K3 a（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）6 }( z( q& l; {* w( A: s5 K0 [/ D
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
3 s7 b8 e6 D6 K' i- \Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）5 q1 f4 T  J' S) }8 @
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/ m) u7 E  G# |4 c3 S河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。- E5 c7 l: S0 r. O$ r
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
) ]! J5 ?# j* b" A8 DBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
5 X% e+ p, S& S: ^9 A2 y( U/ dWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
( p$ l- _7 P) U) G死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。. S; g5 S5 k$ K6 v* K
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）  e1 U# p8 E) j
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
  i; S7 V& |5 |& UHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）- w9 I; c$ }' w0 D) K1 o" D
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$ t3 D( B  s5 _8 j; |, T9 }7 u警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
& n  U% b0 R5 S3 y. BLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.2 i5 @! M) F2 U* t$ S* v5 ?4 W
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。2 s5 a5 M- ?8 t$ ^# U5 O$ P; M) v
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
9 {3 Y8 R, B" L% Z+ P, l- Y1 \Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）- Q! N3 o8 n, U+ F
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
6 \3 @/ A( J6 L. G) Z: VHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）5 l! A0 t, K0 ^& V" R; ?3 w
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
& r2 t( B* R6 A' MWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
; P/ M8 Z. r4 E. l9 q2 B: K. ], oHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）- t9 l+ O2 o5 F7 H3 U) }% v
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
% C' r5 D* e# X+ Q* uHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）6 Z( j9 i% P. W8 v: i
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）, F) Z, k! p4 l
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
' B  A6 \2 ]" H3 f（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）9 a: V% j& {2 p2 C. Q0 T7 g" \0 ~$ `
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7 J( y+ j9 J8 w# b0 N/ C" M! e# q总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……