《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
4 C" f7 i5 ^' S7 J! MWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
+ `7 i7 e" z; X* T' |& g/ cHolmes: I just picked it up.! w, A* E; C% w" M/ G! X
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）  T; z8 u, D$ [" A. h
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
8 j" O% M! f- Q% RWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
+ J, c$ I3 L5 D3 V4 V3 Y* i* Y* kHolmes: You did.
. T0 J; V  j; O" X% S( n7 N. f) _% T（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）* b  u4 a, l5 w+ N7 s0 c
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.* v; t0 P: L" B7 c
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。$ ]6 A5 F* Q$ V
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.* o. }# a1 z4 d( a) c
Holmes: Granted.
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! J$ a' S0 F' y( ~" v2 n晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。. d& _! N6 F/ z* K3 x1 F
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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$ g/ c6 A! @! E) c7 m" O. [拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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/ b  {5 p2 D" P* V8 ^Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。7 z, p+ C/ T4 W* @* v
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）, \: o" d- G4 X. b+ x$ `
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。, u4 }7 W: S6 a5 h) P
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# E* O; d1 y- J6 yBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。! v, T2 z& o. q8 T9 ]
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
+ Z# E$ n; A& z) DIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
0 i# H5 h  D' j+ vHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
6 r7 D( b; @( v7 c2 c+ ]4 g: o% IIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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' V0 p/ i/ _) RIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
7 R# ~1 c) l: q. Z% J! r# w: Y8 pHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）' K3 Z7 P  ?# K4 `5 T9 B
Watson: Get that out of my face.0 c! H( Y8 R5 |% n0 G" Q6 ?
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
, U8 B* ]8 r8 v/ ^3 i. N* N- GWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
7 w8 e2 Q" ?) o# V: V2 u) [路人警官Clarky上场。  a, {. F! c2 A
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.% v' |" a/ |' {/ F: `
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）; F" }: ^; Z0 C- r* r
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
6 C0 x3 h2 b, t6 j1 NWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
2 L" o+ D- \5 \6 X$ g& H' NHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.6 P; \+ C5 j" v
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
% g2 p' V- L, A" g, s（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）) C4 v4 N; A% ~: j0 s: L
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.7 ^/ Z, F* Z+ Q6 n' V
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）7 Y/ r, b, p- ?* \$ o# j
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
+ j7 X2 }; U9 `1 }0 yHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）& g3 W8 A0 }6 }! d7 {; m6 p- S
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…$ U. j8 }% C1 s0 x5 P
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）* o" h: Z8 I4 \: {, L
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
" t6 W, P4 A% PHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
. _) d9 b4 r# b6 l9 W后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
5 J: V; Q# x# t* lHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）% _6 r( O6 f1 Z
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$ _2 F& ?! K, ]9 z+ x: Y8 |警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
* q3 v  `# U. ~$ M$ B/ _Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.; b4 Y) |5 S: F8 W
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& o- @$ G. e5 W/ ~7 F- C接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。$ E7 f" k2 h# z1 T5 S) G1 s
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。2 q  B' M0 C; D/ r$ \4 |
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
1 i" T+ R2 {) Q6 }( V# U  h5 vWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
( l) z4 Z- y# _: t) @8 h) |* ~& SHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）' ]1 @& L1 U- u
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
$ _/ C; A6 t1 F7 gWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
6 G- o, `. l. _: sHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
% s3 w5 K1 e) S& q7 XWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
% I+ I& t* ?1 l; n1 \Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）8 I$ D+ L2 \3 @# A* O
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）& p% t% D! P2 O- W
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
7 p+ l9 _9 G& t( X4 t- S, l（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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( r( _/ o% Z9 J$ v8 V. @+ I4 h总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……