《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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* u0 q' M$ A, v3 v- y, |影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
* O, F/ P' e& N  t7 DWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
9 d( X$ ~( p$ d6 N- v, FHolmes: I just picked it up.7 L. M" ?9 y; k' t$ I
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
0 t  W1 X2 p( @9 p$ Z% iHolmes: Knew I forgot something." n5 y& ^2 N# h( w) T
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
( M9 X% @6 ^: c2 y( c% yHolmes: You did.) F( o: }- O. i0 ^8 O; |& s
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
' A$ p& x% d  X( p6 Q0 B5 AHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。0 K5 T/ g) ]5 z1 w
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.  X7 |; S+ h+ W9 O: I; ?
Holmes: Granted.0 l( {! k: W3 \0 X. L" l3 H4 f7 n
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。- I7 x0 R% W1 B/ A; \- \9 n
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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0 D& P3 F5 l% \2 a: V7 v. {拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
: m2 \. M; a' [0 ]5 j6 ?* lWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）7 f9 E6 z- |" |- z
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。% r; P6 c$ B% b- h- K% B- B8 C7 Z
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9 ]. F: G: w, S* k1 rBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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9 X! K2 L9 F4 L- }" F0 kIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。% t+ X8 a4 K/ ?0 X, i  w( f: ?( j6 G
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
- J' Z$ ~& K3 s0 c9 o, HIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
, K' U/ D5 Q, o, r# t& h( FHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）) t- S- ^% {2 m: T( {
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.6 U# A3 ]4 `$ E3 ], Y
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
2 G4 c+ }7 \: C% FHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）1 o# k: P! ?" d% E0 L5 O) L3 `7 v
Watson: Get that out of my face.
: e3 o, y; [3 m  f0 }5 S( ]Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
* w" D) Q/ t6 a5 YWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.+ [- R1 ?* t6 `5 Z5 w$ G
路人警官Clarky上场。' W/ x3 s0 ]4 u* y$ @9 R
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
+ Q6 H  w% K/ z; aHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）4 ]% `4 S  j  }. \* g( M0 [$ ^
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。; Z) t6 b1 g7 U; J$ X( M/ O
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?. ~5 Q" C/ v. k( j5 X- k: g
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.- L5 D# D1 @" e
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# ~6 j+ j5 s8 j( d& b4 V0 Y5 x* j$ j: N墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
$ n' ]( l/ i* p. j2 ~8 H; y（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
- U5 i% e: E% L( m/ X4 ?Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
# L$ M) V; P  T! k/ bWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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' J# c/ Y3 ^+ W5 g' K" A- ^( k河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
# l  A& ?- J# k" t1 aHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
+ o( }5 y' D3 j: qBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…3 r3 ]* y4 @7 ]7 X9 F& {9 k
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）! h  `+ x; u6 O! h$ p* h- a7 F4 K0 x
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。% k; ^% I% u( Y/ u5 |) k) S
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）* U: f$ k3 k6 O- G
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
, u; p: Q* Y# Y9 l( H& PHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。2 L- k1 }! j$ ^
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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' K! D. c6 h# m/ D+ ^% ^3 o接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。0 q/ p$ t+ l. g$ A' X
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。5 y/ _2 P3 V4 g' m
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
# R/ @% O( m7 @* x9 aWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）! U& ~( e2 k  T3 m& S* M
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）( n, W$ a: {: @" }
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
% [/ A# {/ \& s+ iWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
* m5 j/ M( ?% |% M( U, J0 ^Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
  k; h! W' c/ jWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
7 q# ?: C# q' ~8 t) p2 w; s4 OHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
+ z/ q$ {: u& M) U, UWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
9 p6 ?8 W& B# s! bMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
; K$ C2 x2 q% z- T$ i5 F（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）! N6 T) u0 ]3 e9 J
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" S4 u7 v. u5 J7 A" A! Q# N% Y总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……