《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。6 k' w2 ?  h+ J* O& O7 L/ u
***********
* Z) W8 Z  \8 B  o1．
0 Q+ X6 b2 E3 B影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
( c' R( v* n$ M! qWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）' q8 ?4 ~3 Z& S9 r- I* ^+ y9 V6 F/ |
Holmes: I just picked it up.
/ L3 l0 ~+ _8 S) sWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
7 h# z# r+ t, [6 J" vHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
. d- }8 G+ E, E6 n' F! I$ FWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）9 V" u+ A2 _7 Y6 s
Holmes: You did.
: \. v7 [8 P4 @  @1 n/ n（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）+ H6 a4 l& w( X- L7 R
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.' s  d  N  o7 _3 e
2．: r, ]. x1 h9 t; J- ~' q* R% I' h
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。% {3 i* y) I# q1 e8 R
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
3 M4 h; w( ?/ O5 Z2 w0 d6 i+ s; NHolmes: Granted.2 }6 M1 V( Q0 k& L! |" K8 y
3.% d2 g$ \/ M# C5 a6 t; K3 y  y2 i
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
# {- o7 d- t9 p# b9 ?4 ]" @Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
% l- K- O8 [* I2 L  u4．# Q5 d5 K5 g) X: Y1 m( a! {
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。- `' O9 n  r% R5 C7 t
5．
& L& d$ r  c( v- T! @$ LWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。1 Z" Q) W  Z9 p
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
3 `1 L: }+ S# R0 j8 S. X6．  n8 b+ X7 o  {0 m0 U
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。# X' v+ F% O, y6 l& t  _6 {
7．2 w0 v+ }0 ^* V' u# A7 M
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。6 |: c( ^5 A, G9 B8 x
8．" X# ?, }2 y' l
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
5 C) p. K* B+ H' ^（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）" |8 U3 M9 k6 q: b8 b% r
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
0 l  ~$ O  P( r. FHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
9 e  g; f7 {4 p  w& `! w4 ], ~  K- nIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.8 x* Z- V# a8 I7 f) O0 X
9．  R- ^: m' c$ ^9 [
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
6 H0 w1 l( |# v3 L/ LHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
; k5 g' S/ @- B, EWatson: Get that out of my face.
4 `$ @) a; D$ \1 P: n$ X# fHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.! `) l% m0 g9 d: O: v% t
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
* S: q4 Z4 @3 z0 o, Z* a0 b路人警官Clarky上场。
, I# A2 ~7 D# f! PClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
& }: T8 C0 h, z9 b' u: K/ [Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）; {! j4 D) j! u: [6 v
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
3 x, [$ x! `. T: z' SWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
  v# h' F7 M0 F" N) v5 g5 ~) d/ vHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
4 n* O; O, `' m8 L$ E10.
) D& `% D! X. p& d8 b: d墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。( [3 h( h  G; Y  [3 q
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）5 u. {  L/ H+ \' f
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
5 f! S8 s$ ?0 b* O7 n. s* IWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）& F  D* C2 e3 E/ O- {3 `6 B
11．
# I! `3 _+ ?* F+ D* v: @. ?/ v河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。" B7 B; i3 s: P8 S9 Z: B
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）$ {" m$ B2 c- m+ p
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…; m& x' Q( }% z4 g, }4 f& _9 G
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
6 @( \3 ~) f2 p  `- t! M死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。1 a& s5 a1 M& b; D8 _8 Q
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）9 g3 a1 B: y0 w
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。& w# F8 \% J0 a, ~5 `
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
: a/ P# k( _) Q. Y8 i12．
  S5 r. K6 }6 ^: X( Y7 B警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
" A5 Z! R" ?2 J! |& ZLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
. M* _9 u) u; x6 d9 s4 T13.
; L& E; U/ \% Y5 L$ D' o接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。; Y' e( ~9 c7 v8 o& o+ R0 h1 V9 z
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。0 R/ Y5 I9 J6 o/ V! j
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
4 P9 ~: v) F" F8 `) G% |. K. Y, \Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）, ^. W8 [/ Q7 L* n/ }! \: V
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
! c, K! E: y1 m0 SMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?* D5 i4 R4 d7 R% K5 c+ \5 d
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）+ G2 X. j+ x! N4 c
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
( @  J% {9 P0 `. }2 O! z( U) n+ \3 ]Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
5 f- F0 U% ?* K; YHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）' Q6 Q5 d3 u1 l/ p0 @' ?; Z! e
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
6 u7 q* w+ B- {" i" lMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）; C: a, V2 u9 d0 M
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）  v0 q# c3 I. k. D4 g
***********  ^5 t0 v* {6 ?3 f( J6 c
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……