《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。2 l# E' d4 I+ R; q# O; c( b8 o
***********
2 f8 [. [8 e" U. U/ t2 _1．8 b# c2 [1 T0 e2 i7 J
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
( g2 Z9 U" G6 j6 \. @& ~Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）# Z- S: u% }6 S+ ]& u
Holmes: I just picked it up.
1 y2 {" ]7 G+ pWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
7 r) D# u, F* T7 l  O' [Holmes: Knew I forgot something.7 Z! e. q2 c+ i2 I9 l- v' `; _) t
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
5 l: Z2 O- G/ {7 P' y, w& z- mHolmes: You did., }, |2 l# L, @% k: W
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）) _% x, e! I* {
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.+ {: G6 ]5 O0 h
2．
/ t9 \6 h$ P9 s2 i  N# l% g宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
; ]* ^% d6 p+ Q+ }- i# mWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
! {* c8 Z0 ]' O: kHolmes: Granted.& {6 y- A$ w% H/ R- D
3.
" t& f4 B7 d8 j! H: E& z7 H晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。8 |6 b* i9 O0 r$ @
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
5 Y; A: P* E: u4．
; H" K0 ?( m6 q: N/ V% e+ b拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。6 ?5 c; I; ?0 I8 h# ?
5．' B$ X3 ^, F+ r8 x
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。: e, {) L- p: x. ?* R- d
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）* U+ I5 w  ^) C
6．
; G3 g9 b3 t& S9 A* g( T5 G/ IHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
6 ^! Z7 o3 k2 }, R) g7．
1 |! O' J) u) R+ IBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。% F. |; r4 h. P" Z
8．
  K& u% s% s- g: HIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
! c% H4 k( u4 b$ }5 r（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
. U; i. }: P$ R9 `Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?* q3 Z  X; R& G( u8 b
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）7 D* J6 |1 J, p$ _
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.. B: J6 ~( ]& l
9．
2 s0 w. ]. b/ a" \% s) K9 a' q, ^/ PIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
( y: y2 t% I9 S" M: ?" D8 ?! VHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
( }* [+ j# {7 y$ i0 W3 B9 Z( d( |Watson: Get that out of my face.  P" ^5 @- z" a+ _/ X3 H
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
' q" {% E" L; {# L4 `" j/ eWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.7 j4 v. ?2 y7 {6 J' M! t+ @7 A' C
路人警官Clarky上场。$ N, W! a& i) s" {2 K( B
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
/ i  ^3 M/ P5 ?: yHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）; J9 z- k2 H% m9 G+ H2 b
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
3 Z! v' K& g3 m' K3 _8 ]Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
9 b* y: Q- T! `4 J( H8 {  HHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.% ?6 B5 C1 d7 P% Y
10.
- e. a% b$ N& A7 a; a墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。! w% [6 s3 ?; M7 Q4 ^2 T- f& K
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
5 w0 e8 x: c1 C! a% ]3 ?2 S4 iHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
. L& ]( l' l. N5 {7 B8 \Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）- x7 }( ]+ X8 W+ z1 E
11．' a5 x9 X- X) {( M2 Q
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
* |8 V( d$ L- h# t; z/ XHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）4 [" A3 x' c- {0 \" @/ n
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…3 K, d9 m1 A, T2 M* T( T) A
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）5 R* c5 m3 U! H; ?% Y7 O0 `
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。7 `' R; Y" v2 U3 R8 E$ R# E6 l$ J
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
& j5 _; ]9 e$ ^# a8 G4 E后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
1 T* w4 d( F1 AHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）9 t, j  @# m. f7 u6 J5 |4 |
12．
2 O0 K& n+ s% r  v7 `7 Z6 u警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
2 C# z7 ^7 S/ i' w) nLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
# y  [+ v9 {* z% h13.+ X' _0 c4 f  Q/ K' _1 B2 q
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
0 @! [2 O' A- w  j话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
, @" K. `3 _9 b7 g+ Q( z4 [  UHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）+ V. D0 m  w& n* F* o* Y* B" X
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
; D% N4 b- Z" H6 W' `Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）3 F  f3 q4 O$ W
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?, M. G) n" ^! P. T: h1 L* |
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
3 Q  d% E" g' _5 L+ P. sHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）3 g- [6 X$ d& b% }) H2 b
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）7 D, y* t0 R8 a
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
# _' h# X: ~9 x$ |* RWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
# |6 ?& L, \7 \) m1 w9 mMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）; N- X6 c' R* E/ `
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）' X5 S0 p, g! ?7 o% `0 J8 s% e- f- C
***********
, L6 n3 @- f5 b7 G总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……