《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。+ O+ `/ v/ I. Y
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
4 n+ H7 [3 }/ e( nHolmes: I just picked it up.
: g8 _# {' F4 \: I( p( EWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）1 }+ a! v$ E0 f9 P, t. B
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
0 u1 i* ^) s; X/ EWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）  P2 X' O/ M+ g7 V" u: B
Holmes: You did.
  n& J5 O9 N: q; k（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
5 w! Y. `% n# R$ T1 S3 |Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.( |, G  X  B. y* \; e; O. B
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" c. S0 H& j& V; p宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
& |- M' w& a) l4 ~9 S% DWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
7 y- x" C, m. R4 d7 `, t& sHolmes: Granted.9 a: y# @( V* n# `5 z
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& h. X8 c9 P7 r- E晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。$ o" L8 Y0 D# _$ B# k
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）4 T5 ^  s2 f0 t
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6 S) K' o  b# _# }' f+ O: x拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。$ K6 X6 d% |& w  d$ v
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。, ^+ E6 Q) V$ o# Q  f. A! ?
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。7 \& N2 k" n3 ^
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* M6 _/ \' H/ e) K: _2 D  Y/ x' yBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。/ K$ I8 X2 r. K
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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. m8 r9 c7 {1 Q% Q' E9 |; uIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?# W- e! t4 \, D; u
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
% q8 A( l2 w. fIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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5 t. H! w: V: M. w! V4 V1 rIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。/ x2 v8 u  d' g' a( @
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
. L" c. {" q* i5 d; r% {Watson: Get that out of my face.
  j; l6 d& n- M1 b$ I* EHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.# ]9 N6 F5 ?5 L- P: H& R( I' n2 @7 J
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
1 h4 I+ U3 K9 L路人警官Clarky上场。% S9 a$ t" Y$ I
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
2 _+ M) p7 u: W  CHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）; `8 |3 J5 {, o" ~' G' G
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。7 a* r8 y% F0 q% U1 x+ G
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?$ f" s9 k, j' R! A
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.- b, q* s) V# c
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
6 a3 A; L1 q% u# O, F（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
0 U- A0 c1 ~2 ~Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely." O  g4 O% d# i9 ]
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）' Q. c8 I) Z) }) m7 d& q
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。7 E. e0 W4 ?- n9 }4 K5 z% l( v, {
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
3 I0 n" h( G, D8 q. T2 ^* {Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
' X6 E2 ~  h. EWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）7 T) u3 l* p* _& b" W
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
& z& I$ K8 L+ f0 `/ F4 H2 r$ vHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）- J# [/ L) e4 F6 Q2 r# h
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。+ {* l7 W' c7 H5 @
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。- x2 o; j+ |0 y# E, N3 c1 V$ m# v
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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* C+ E2 e/ P0 D. `, p6 y/ W接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。( |( r9 O8 ^) \/ k1 \( }
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。; W, n: p* b: y. c7 u+ M
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
1 x& A$ V/ t+ B# r) Z& mWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）) O2 L" @4 L: _  y
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
$ `+ u9 Z0 S* d- E* n0 Y- Z3 N( ?Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
& Q, m" e+ K7 J5 ]( |6 VWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
2 {) S$ Y; n, i5 gHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
+ S# C$ t& W3 s" ^! pWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）& e8 Y3 t3 c- j
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
: w) {, n! E8 E2 L3 M: P" T2 k, U2 n, }Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
  o( M4 S% q5 n% @Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）1 n1 o# s* t- D; I5 D9 U1 k
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……