《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。2 b8 P+ A0 `& r% ^5 l
***********9 P7 |2 X" S- Y& m1 z
1．
' v5 `: E2 A7 |影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。: l7 ^+ w8 p& O0 L' d4 K- M
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）  [# h1 _3 d; T( _" y( W
Holmes: I just picked it up.( y  C! k" }  y# N
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）9 Z; w! o$ W: G4 Y. i
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
0 N5 o: g' {9 vWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
9 W, n" H* b! p1 w9 B6 O) ?Holmes: You did.6 m# x* {$ E1 W! b! ^; i$ Y
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
/ H% x3 @& Z5 {8 E, fHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
* r. L7 M! Y$ z" P2．
4 o3 F: D, _  M" t宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。4 O) x9 p. ~. V- z8 @  w/ }" U
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
8 |, l# i: ~( Q# @( a" z; x/ x- HHolmes: Granted.$ h' C8 \* C# G. ]
3.
2 K6 I0 c5 t6 z晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。1 V/ l6 ?2 m; t
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
& S, e8 o/ @6 c; K% J! @4．
$ |  z" |7 C. Y8 M& X. k拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
4 s! }$ e% w- g0 N5．
/ P! s' c0 k0 YWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。/ d: r' @4 N6 N, b9 Z
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）( Z( Y* j$ f! F9 {: V
6．2 y/ Y& E" C% n0 l  l, Z" A& y* j
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
% ?, I- e. ?( t6 X7．
3 m+ P& V& |6 _: ]( G' E9 k9 nBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
3 t5 a% s, W* b7 f8．
* a4 ^" Y8 ^3 V) B1 ~Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。& S& Z( v4 E7 z3 F& H6 n; S+ }) Q
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）5 d5 P' n  a" D" K8 @: R3 o
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
. P5 v+ N- Q6 W# F  p. v" Q) J8 i8 VHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）, Z% |4 Z0 V  }/ l1 S
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.8 Y( _6 M' s# i- i
9．
; j0 s9 n' R) M, P1 N. G( xIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。" {# _; n# }" n, ~3 D3 J
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）) P/ }& g9 ^' z! R0 y  f
Watson: Get that out of my face.. `! n9 o  I" C: V
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.0 m% r. }3 o$ a: E5 n( R
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.. O7 N) J  Q! I/ B
路人警官Clarky上场。) G8 k5 t3 Y. y9 t
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once., w* O/ t5 K0 f0 A
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）! S$ p. X  Z  |3 N% A
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
% Y$ g( W; o6 I) MWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
; b% m, f6 Z5 [; I. AHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.9 C1 E+ Z6 y) X1 Q  A; o1 c% a+ ^
10.
" s" n$ J: Q5 m8 z! k墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。: |8 K& u0 U  a9 F, o
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）6 G* q: L; r( m  \: v: g8 A
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.! \0 D" D$ A( s8 I
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
& Y- o" R% `% a" v) {7 l/ |0 ~# e11．# f% T  j4 q. w3 D4 H3 @# `
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。: [$ Z! J) k) ~
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
% g) }$ q" `8 GBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
, Q, k4 `2 t4 l0 T' aWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
( _% o! h& ]) G" x, p! T0 Q0 T; A0 [死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。* s1 K! d* \7 @) t* g4 E
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）& j3 W- v5 F7 n
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。# K  t( R# m+ I
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
4 h/ O5 L4 }: Q0 q12．# n1 Q: x; H( f
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。. @: G# I/ l5 |9 M/ Q$ R
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.0 @- i9 K' q0 O4 |! ?
13.$ g5 d5 \' {( H1 ^/ `
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
0 [7 y8 G1 e. d话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
2 ^' C5 r' `6 K. ?3 G1 b0 X3 W+ jHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）( Z1 P* s- K+ E1 K2 t: F
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
# w! z% [9 i' s! ?9 B# ^Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）; q. A8 T% h* r- |; P- H1 u
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
; ~# I( y) K: \) @1 n) XWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）0 u( \. a4 e6 o6 m- {
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）# T/ f  r2 ~- V. {% I: q# f- ~# M
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）4 P8 i/ m$ V1 w3 G2 W# l; `+ g7 F
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）2 y* B- H/ P( _' q
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）; k+ p$ {* x- \4 W- \% |
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
, {% ?* A$ _1 A. }! B' E5 Q, ~+ B（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
& d" F8 ^8 i* e' U$ g2 q***********, ]3 _( D. Q) u0 d6 e% w8 G
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……