《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。4 t; o% t+ Y4 W* `  s/ B
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- d. v8 i; K5 c) i+ o影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。- d% W; \. q( C# Y8 [: W
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
' \9 U) n3 l: {. _. qHolmes: I just picked it up.2 J% \( ~' i- _# D8 V
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）/ F% n: h( {# Q- x/ t3 k5 W
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.0 `/ f9 J  R5 [4 m+ K: f
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）% D2 ~& |4 D8 c7 O4 \' }
Holmes: You did.4 x% H9 h- [. L) R+ s: Y
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
' v, V- k* N' I6 m* UHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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# x  t; _) m/ c+ q宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
- T0 S! @8 c  p! t; Y/ RWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
* T8 c. I& ^. _: g  V$ c) O- XHolmes: Granted.
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$ H; s+ N! x, `$ c0 ~# S晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
$ [4 Q. j  D& `6 c  F) K+ fWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）9 k4 G- d/ H: H5 `1 Z' n
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  `9 N+ G& X5 M& C0 t3 l2 H) q! P& s拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。  F0 }* S* Q* \3 E
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）9 u* }" ^. F, J" t* A* k
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  g' K; x7 M' }. I( N* tHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。- u3 l4 f, M5 ^; E5 M/ O# W- O
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
' A* ~7 q# W0 K. E（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）8 g% I2 @7 ~3 G  t
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?* _7 B) |  B0 G/ `2 F5 l
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）$ y- g$ R" F" p/ S8 [
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。, ?& m! l3 J% a7 V5 s- f3 {
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
* j1 U. ?# _4 }8 n7 p- K  LWatson: Get that out of my face.) J6 Y# w: u5 @7 F& W
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.2 A. @! j3 ^/ A) c9 I4 F3 a
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.; C0 h0 X3 \5 }% l
路人警官Clarky上场。
! U' A% s/ n4 h, IClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
! _! g* x2 l, E- @Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
- i' p, z) {5 r" P得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
4 E. [  {& ^) _2 ?1 C: ZWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
1 j2 L2 U  S: a) s9 D9 t' fHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.# ]2 X; T* Y* ^& I$ G! s
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' A  F4 f0 e: Y6 m# u4 M7 B墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
& ]' Z/ R, {$ [9 k, c) M  c（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）1 [6 U" G5 R6 d5 n$ _, Z
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
+ a5 K% g: G# B7 l- [Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）; _) n- o+ y2 f' n
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  T; B( q% \5 {* g$ X3 O) V河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。1 z$ i0 t' [8 j
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
) C" q3 u6 g9 z9 J# lBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…, ~0 z& N, C' F) j1 F6 S1 n& |
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）8 a- @2 Q8 f* }$ n4 V4 s0 M6 x
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。  c, C0 ]" j  K1 f% z0 a7 C# S
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
% G9 z$ r! I  E# g后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
- R5 f# B3 ^0 p: Q4 A! lHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
8 p( b$ B2 ], L: O/ v5 L; _Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。& _5 H/ ?- o4 n# m8 `( u1 x1 E; y
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。3 @: Y: m" s# j. D& j7 V0 Z4 z, T5 T
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
- i$ v' P* i& q, s# O( mWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）) a9 n/ A7 k; {" H' T) j0 G
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）9 i" y' R$ z3 o- Z# w, x' z
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
5 d6 ~! i; b0 _! k2 a: [Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
+ K; e' A) X* L- t' WHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
. O2 R0 w& d2 w; K( P, s# m* IWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
8 h! V  h* D1 H7 J( Z0 R1 LHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）. T# @% \( b! `% q5 c5 w
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）4 F" _, `$ R1 s! ^) k/ `
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）+ t" a& X6 E$ ~( J3 n/ \
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）( [( G$ f  J& |5 B0 k  I
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……