《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。7 p( v8 S7 o; ?: i+ g
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$ D) n4 M0 x5 I# n) {6 M影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。) w; y( n/ N! s* W; v: O# Y7 _' o
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）1 @  O1 M& [2 z. i7 e
Holmes: I just picked it up.
' M6 b. U9 _1 }' V7 @Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
4 U7 m' j/ ^% l; ^, Y' G7 v  u4 \Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
6 t" q% R$ U- ?% NWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
! U. ?. i! ]3 Q/ k! E/ D& jHolmes: You did.
4 x. D- u  l; O（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）6 j+ r3 y7 E: U& t
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
# q% ^, a8 K3 O) s9 [! S  ]Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
. w& F: f$ u* C* |7 a! `Holmes: Granted.# u0 B8 R  d- ^, R  r1 E
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。8 a: M$ G1 e" `6 ~+ r0 a1 R
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）- _. K4 I3 p2 y; C% L
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. h4 V. k+ _: R5 \8 s拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。2 G2 K% d! H8 M* K
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' E- Z- Y# S0 SWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。8 L2 o% s, }& E
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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" O" F  v. |. Q. i  P- rHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。/ G5 E6 C) x) d/ g, X: \
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。! ~. q9 b) a  G2 X8 w) @0 K
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
4 D3 Z$ B0 N$ d! x3 x' ~（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）: |9 N, o% _/ P$ M8 c5 j' i" D7 X
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
! {3 L5 z& e, j) W* ]" |% J& XHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
" N7 k! j6 y# F3 P4 @5 i8 r" j/ BIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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- P9 m9 t- K4 M8 FIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
2 _, r8 V2 r* L: c8 lHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）5 x4 u* E. K: a' }* o
Watson: Get that out of my face.
# d/ x. c# ?3 S! l, o" EHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.; m. V/ L5 r3 |
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
0 H  e0 Q" g4 @2 m: p路人警官Clarky上场。
" l2 b1 }- m! o* n6 l% y0 H( kClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
. j- w$ I# t1 c' i" r+ U* ]Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）8 j$ b3 _* x+ i* |0 l( `
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。: ?% J0 }3 |& [8 [6 W: z* S
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
5 g8 J/ L/ f5 U' SHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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0 ~. A4 Z+ K- m: n墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
$ a- k& g3 G5 Y( K（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）9 Q% w7 a, p' v5 R
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
% |0 j: y  ?9 w" N7 I0 EWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。) H/ ]0 D4 A4 s7 K0 H0 Q
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）4 N( p# f% E+ L1 x( T
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…% W' v& O8 Y. Z4 C' y  a
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）$ r3 N1 f: x1 M' X: {0 @9 |9 y9 Q
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。# v- x2 o  l% N$ u3 H0 r* I; |& ?% s
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）2 Y$ Y3 ?2 d& t" D; I
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
8 [8 d1 c" ?5 N1 c5 fHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。% O( q) \# R% ]4 F
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。" ^8 O6 b, B  X7 x# f/ C; H: d
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。7 T! b* _. m# O9 i, G' ^% {; g
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）; j" \6 X' `  v
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）+ @1 q" f9 Y6 R. s% |
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）# y) H# s7 M, E% x3 s, _( ~  K
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
5 e& A# i9 E5 P" CWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）' |( N! _9 @" |- e4 l* l. s) ~
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）3 _) l- f' l6 S! X  A
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
5 A( S1 H: t" Q+ O8 V) LHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
/ G5 ?' n3 |* L$ D! X- j( {- f0 {Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
6 \0 n) }8 {$ A' D+ ~Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）& w' P; B3 i7 p1 A
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）4 H& |* f  L* \. O% s; z
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) ]6 X% X! ~4 u! a总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……