《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。  b, ]8 |" }/ k+ U) }8 E7 a
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
) T# G( ?7 H6 |% Y7 EWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
# D& R* Y. J& E0 N) g* hHolmes: I just picked it up.
% M5 @3 C2 @* S4 F; RWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）' Q. d/ I2 Q# z, P# D3 p7 g
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.! W# v2 r3 L0 Q  @2 k
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）+ X' A, m9 U3 J
Holmes: You did.
4 N9 Z" t; W' f+ q4 h（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
3 `6 |* j& w/ w2 S" T% |) b# PHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.3 D( G& q' u' k5 O' O6 h* N
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
6 |/ B( \: s1 ZWatson: Permission to enter the armory.8 W  a! q: K3 a6 n7 |4 \6 |
Holmes: Granted.
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. p3 V9 `, P" s8 y晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
$ ]9 q$ L& x2 T5 q. |! M! FWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。! g' C9 C  a. g) ]. M2 s
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
( J7 a* p/ n/ }Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）( W; `9 f3 L/ T7 |, I
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, h% S0 r8 O' V6 yHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。& k+ c7 A* T: z! [% H! y# Q
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9 Y% |! h% V7 x$ uBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。% q) c( D$ D2 g; s4 m6 ^  P
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
! @. n  V3 Z" U' pIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?" n7 _+ @# J* m$ u4 ^) W% A
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
( P& n& f* V  E2 @6 K/ h  TIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.. p% p$ \. D1 x) u/ S+ z
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。  k& M9 u0 a+ z  m" O- w  m
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）% c& e. G  G3 s9 _0 a1 ~
Watson: Get that out of my face.5 U: ?8 G4 y% ^; `
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.# V$ |+ M5 p% A* _( t
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
- g: n! S: _, u路人警官Clarky上场。
- f$ l( z& |3 q, ]6 `8 h$ TClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.1 f7 u% h7 v1 K9 A$ H5 k
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）" O( B2 f; T& r1 `" S/ E
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。0 s* d$ p# N- d& Z
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?1 ~: C/ S+ t% ^& L1 |, W6 Q3 v
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。+ L' r2 k9 W4 R" M& Y
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
0 V1 R9 e5 z& R* {7 G5 t1 IHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
6 I( b2 U1 O1 |( SWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）- k! j+ q; \( d7 S2 ~  T
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+ {0 z7 e% S; O4 f河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。: \7 G' n# l, P3 P" T
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
, N( l  d) l0 R: \# l. l4 |9 TBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…/ ?* i6 `' V. q( A
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）: \. ^/ d# a% s! u. Z5 _3 L+ \( S3 Q
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。: Z, @/ L: G4 Q" g2 I
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
( F$ U3 I2 q4 l( {  k/ w) n; W. @后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
4 ^3 H* p3 w7 Z* bHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）2 H6 i/ g6 K; G: I" |, ~
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。7 c9 H, _. O6 T, b( ^- d% ^" H# z
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.3 O' _, X: s: O# c  L
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4 p: e! J) _  B1 z+ Y/ U9 k: H接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
6 Y% W" {& [9 R  h" A2 A; B4 v话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。/ }/ A8 e7 T; j1 z% h
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）3 s. N) N+ t1 a1 G) }8 Z+ ?
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
% \1 {$ \5 h. qHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）+ A! P7 T* o/ [# S' i+ }) w4 Z
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
- ~0 c* L% f) n8 O# ]4 t! tWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）/ }3 X0 e4 c7 }9 v6 b% N0 ?
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
/ c) W4 ]! y+ p6 a; gWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
5 P: A1 ^  E* n" o, xHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）+ W! }4 p% Q% [) ]
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）& y* C0 _/ v  W% }$ ?% i
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
! s9 ~1 W+ Q# a5 \) z. n% v4 x- _（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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( J  J! U7 t$ r( O9 i$ ]$ C总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……