《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。# m  D- p# w& l& u* v  o% u
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0 ]/ S& w: w. L# S! B影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
  `/ c7 b5 W7 P- t3 L; mWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）+ C2 Q" {7 `  @9 V5 E* L1 i2 q9 L
Holmes: I just picked it up.( U$ M' Q* |& E9 T
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
0 d8 E- _! `6 JHolmes: Knew I forgot something.6 {  N* a- |# w5 m' O' T
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）4 c1 a* ?8 B( J# J! W$ m
Holmes: You did., a( T4 z! r, ?5 {# c! s: Q
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
* ^! y5 ^% t* r; AHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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  K, E- H& E) J1 X宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
4 F- U% c* v7 h7 wWatson: Permission to enter the armory.+ O7 N- b& n$ K' l2 h! I7 H
Holmes: Granted.
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) U7 U8 R4 ?* W2 z& e; @" v$ r/ U晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。4 O4 W( s" K" S, y8 ^( v# C, h: U8 T
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）# L' N% k0 ^0 \- g3 s
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; f6 {( g  I9 J' r& }拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。+ G8 _( d# C4 f+ F/ @8 B
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。: |1 {5 e8 \7 C9 o1 g  M
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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, I/ x! L; d) D- O3 }# V$ y7 C$ uHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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" k' ^- c7 J( U+ B% P: i' bBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。( F, B4 A, P" [/ x( z3 Q9 m
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）( l3 x0 f" o1 r; x4 E+ U
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?; w1 k: i5 A& N- a4 q5 d$ d, Y; S( [4 a
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）; X1 |4 {6 v$ b0 M& V
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
3 V! I$ \) u6 j. k5 u7 GHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
6 O2 u4 M: W+ b; k! j$ iWatson: Get that out of my face.
) ^9 k+ v' T& Q0 [4 N! [Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
0 C# d- p: o/ ?9 E8 kWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
, {! t2 C) [7 J( W0 E( ~8 @6 ~路人警官Clarky上场。
7 S3 V1 H2 g4 tClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
9 g4 L7 T- S: u  l6 c6 qHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
% {) P# s  v# G5 x得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。1 R4 w, s; |: W: d( _: q6 H
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
) u/ N: r9 N' }2 ^Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。. o& e( I5 j; _9 A1 I' j
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）- D. b5 Z6 t: [, ]2 \
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.6 }6 O6 @/ M" h" f4 q# i
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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& ^2 @7 b1 S; A- |2 Y河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。! r# P6 i5 g2 u6 F
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）+ N+ z$ M' u6 K
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
1 L& b( b, c: u6 BWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）  t( _' ?# }9 d; d: ?! u
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
6 u& {: R" B2 J: D1 KHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）# d  s6 r3 Y  Z  [
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
  z% d$ J) M  M) Y* NHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。! ~1 x/ L, J! \5 z. F7 e
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.- Q( |+ Z, A/ r5 ?
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" L/ g$ b5 f4 }- B1 k接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。: l' {+ ?0 ]7 j- a5 X6 R
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。: j0 {+ j- ?. k2 S& W9 S
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）2 K, d( R( t$ s: E  {
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
* Z' p$ H; t4 B8 l, UHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
3 W( e: y% H5 L0 i9 H7 FMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?/ \( f. a$ [* w1 {# i6 S2 \' a! s
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）' n6 c8 K( P4 x; z9 V: C/ f
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
" l* B/ z. Q& w% cWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
( I$ [" \& L; y' z6 t0 HHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
" v8 M! Z, }% @Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）! B3 r$ {9 e7 ~3 g) Y* ~
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）1 @) s, x* y$ r0 k
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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& K1 R  b1 `4 W' C: J7 u总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……