《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。8 j( N% S3 o1 G) G& F6 U1 Q
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。; A, ~+ [9 w! R+ I" s! H* @+ h0 ?
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
( o+ W; i, e8 X& D( D2 P8 ^0 t% QHolmes: I just picked it up.
/ n2 R2 ?" S5 HWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）) X, U8 ^# k4 q& v. T0 f
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.3 ]' N, j. s+ ]4 D
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
4 o! T" D8 l- fHolmes: You did.8 h% [# Y. B8 R6 E1 [
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
3 O/ ]- D7 D6 y# e0 eHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.8 d6 ~8 {  J. I7 Q' Y
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
9 z4 H$ |: ^8 f3 V; M4 j2 hWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
, X, D3 j1 M4 q# O7 a$ R, b+ D7 gHolmes: Granted.
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% c# Q4 p: M7 n晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。* r& q0 M9 z+ B( f& X
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）) a( b8 [1 ?6 E
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# b( d7 L6 n2 @- W. a拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。1 f: D8 G+ D  U* ^7 ~' u
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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0 B7 ^* D4 M6 P  x6 |8 L' OBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。, ^% Y3 x+ a# Q  p" O0 a- P; a
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: B* g4 A& ?6 S4 S8 U" UIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。5 C5 Y, k3 J2 ?  i6 W
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）+ q8 X7 l" E, D4 F( E, p
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
8 z: h- m, g3 [# V; PHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
" S7 b9 ]; o3 i, ^$ wIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。, B) @9 n  z* I% Q: H* J
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
: ~1 H* x% m! N# L6 F5 |: Q- UWatson: Get that out of my face.
# y" \+ Y) J5 [/ C: MHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.9 }5 I% I3 O( D* Y% M. w
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
" I# {# @3 R4 R路人警官Clarky上场。
/ d. J( _1 h- O# P$ \Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
9 F4 x2 D% j+ M0 r% A0 c2 P) BHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）/ {% F% H& T  G4 g9 j
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
9 G: _# @8 ]( {( _6 pWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?6 T2 @2 d/ _  I# u
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.! U% y0 W6 s5 V8 l8 ]4 D( {
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
# W( Q! D7 m. X+ e% B（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）. g( x. P8 A6 a' v' O- \/ b
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
6 B  r, T! Z0 I$ p1 TWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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% c$ b( u5 E: X2 R5 [7 u! a2 ~' ]河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。# R; B/ K1 o( c0 x- f& G
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）- g# m( B: e9 e/ b5 m
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
5 P2 J: h$ J+ F& C* zWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
: C  ~" o8 }  B* q# z5 `( e0 Z死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。4 s4 [/ v* s; K
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
, x6 }; d- M" T$ a- y% }后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。, {$ @4 i( R& |
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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+ ]- X2 p: S+ F警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
  Z1 e, Y; @& z+ I, m+ r6 R3 tLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.. A* p  d% F( l# U, D+ \
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, t  W2 z4 g9 |# K1 |  o" ?接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
/ ]8 p0 O. N( K% G. w+ p; d2 {话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。( I$ I6 Z. e, T6 z
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）0 [% v/ i. V. Y& z% K: X4 K! l. S1 f
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
5 ~3 D  d0 X- P- hHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）9 }" E! o2 [; w
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
4 O* R/ B9 ?( vWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
& `/ t) r$ R. ^; t3 OHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）! h( L* @- F7 L# Q
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）  f1 n' Q1 a* e& r  F
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）# G) U6 U2 m* T3 g
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）8 U2 e/ o: G1 l/ w3 l/ B
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
4 @& A  u# o' _（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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4 i) c( V8 I6 p总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……