《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。3 R2 D. W/ X$ b/ l/ m: A
***********
) m. ~4 r! x2 I4 U$ n6 B1．7 w2 H9 X9 W4 U9 H7 M. w3 e
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。6 J$ D# y! C$ e. |
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
* O( e0 h; C' C0 E/ _: {3 Z! [Holmes: I just picked it up.
8 C( L( \7 E: A3 w/ k9 V3 U9 uWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
% T  b+ [9 o' Q& U( _Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
4 L: L) d1 B6 w5 p" s$ {/ eWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）$ u% I. ?: }8 }, A# Z) k) [
Holmes: You did.
" i# Y  m7 {0 F/ e' Q  I/ v（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）! M7 S' {1 I4 V; {& v+ l
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
9 V4 \& x3 G: u) k. B2．
/ B8 t7 I; s7 m% A- _9 M+ R宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
+ |7 Q$ l+ z7 r2 v, xWatson: Permission to enter the armory.* P- Z- X9 H- h) t
Holmes: Granted.5 G* q* f! F, R7 v: g; _
3.3 W6 j% b+ |/ ]
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
& q, l& D8 x% d1 s1 V! x7 eWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
  H1 v. ?9 h; A1 f7 |, q' y# r/ R3 g/ q4．
2 H- ~7 o( S( R# c2 f1 s3 l2 T0 Q6 {  n3 x拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
& Y6 e6 f) q* J* O8 w4 q5．+ N/ a/ o8 i- ]: n# f9 R
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
: b, H" q5 e6 u  }Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）4 @: u9 x  ]5 d; u3 ?8 k" z4 b$ f. [
6．% J) K/ ~! n% `/ ?. ]
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。3 n1 t) c( h) ]( F
7．" P- T: j. Y9 a8 }7 e, R( q' b5 ^, A
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。4 v/ L$ u. p/ W7 H& D: Q7 U
8．+ x. G( F- U- R3 L
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。: x, \# D9 F4 z& C! }
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
/ ^; i' b$ H3 D+ H: R, G8 ~Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
$ y3 J# ^: n- E# R3 ]# ]Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）" H# e, Z0 u+ M0 J) V; s6 r/ A
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.0 {6 B1 S- V& r* F$ n
9．
$ E8 i- n$ O4 uIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
) @5 O" ]3 Q9 s( s5 KHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）: x# {2 u2 |& O' ~
Watson: Get that out of my face.
7 d5 `7 O; u( d: G) g8 NHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
1 v4 T+ U% P# h% F- L% U2 g. oWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.% k/ ?7 ?1 o& s% ?; }
路人警官Clarky上场。
! H( u+ \" x0 E& q0 B( m8 n5 QClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
. i* @9 m; G- GHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
. g8 l) P5 p9 P0 g0 J得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
6 x% J* @" ?% s, u, k% `2 ]Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
5 s% t) k5 m* bHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
8 v( O7 h1 H1 \& v+ U/ V# m6 l; |10.
2 Z" b$ k3 i8 t0 n2 c墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。: _6 K" D$ K. e4 {/ _$ K* _
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）4 }) l; }& y8 n' T! L
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
! F  o& j3 p7 HWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）3 H9 I8 {/ L9 T  ~5 k9 a* Z
11．
4 I4 W3 R8 z: _/ X3 q河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。" K. V  m! R  e# y" U( T/ w" O. {
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
6 u3 J) W  C' Q. q( CBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…+ B4 q1 G! x2 \
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）- F2 s9 \& x" J' Z7 V5 T
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
* o  U$ g2 c5 q! Y8 cHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
6 L# a0 Z9 T* L, Y1 A  }后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
9 D2 o! A7 _2 d! q. iHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
4 U( ]  q/ m" F% z( s6 l5 n% F5 {12．6 a8 o+ j( \3 v* k' Q
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。% y5 ^8 i" N9 C; c
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
4 R4 t4 ]- y1 C6 Y2 ^$ o13.
2 ^! B' p& N5 ]1 C接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。& ]; P" c6 j7 |; S( u  e$ \3 a+ z
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
7 }/ ~. U9 N4 v0 gHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
7 o6 L0 X. n1 {+ G) `" EWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
- d& r( q' u) _0 r: _; c+ yHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
% I- @* p$ ]- A( T8 @! WMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?, M7 I0 F4 |( }7 F+ o8 Y
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）5 Y# B5 S7 x# M& B' h
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）) c; e' [4 H, r9 E# N* j1 I9 W
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）! t, K; C4 Y# B, O2 q, f1 K
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）7 j( w. W4 k8 h
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
& a3 g& J  b" G3 E! C" H" p1 E2 {Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
) l* j7 \$ \+ m1 o7 O/ A" q% s: s（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
5 ~' g+ I' a4 v***********  [. Y) c! H" }. F
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……