《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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# ]1 p% d; C6 E, X5 T6 |影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。9 ]# \* ?! X5 v5 Z4 ~! Z: w& J
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）3 M8 f  G& W2 B% B
Holmes: I just picked it up.
5 ]8 k# n8 K/ p) kWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）  Z3 e3 ~) X' x" L6 j( N" G% v
Holmes: Knew I forgot something./ E' R4 h- d$ e3 i: k# a+ Q. }  x
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
' J! {  x, ~$ V. THolmes: You did.
, `3 N4 C' Q+ e（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）/ F- q5 Q4 S' D$ B3 v0 j. b- O
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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  ~9 f8 Q3 X6 a! S宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。8 n4 k) P$ }! x5 r( o  z* ?
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.! n* @' v) G1 ^: C: l! v3 ?% _: ^
Holmes: Granted.- e; G4 R: e* Y1 `) r2 I* |3 p
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" B: P0 B# _& G4 \6 `% N7 `晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。5 c; l+ ~& s9 R5 u% z" i. l
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）2 n7 w' Y0 W+ f% Y$ |: K
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。- Q7 x+ B: X3 S6 w
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。* [% C( E3 q* V
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）% a. Y* `, u$ ^+ B" D3 E
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。& m: z. U  Y" @
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。# g2 k. r8 O0 {( E( P' k# S* W
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0 @2 {; P+ v) Z5 r7 \- QIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
1 y# ]% K7 g# A! @（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）6 u6 }0 j7 C8 f7 X2 y; D/ n' k
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?& _( {1 x( V5 {! m% y5 a& A
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
" Y4 U2 e* `! {8 r" U6 bIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.7 e+ m6 \0 y7 J6 p
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2 H- \# x0 X$ K# E& R# |Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。; k! t+ u  s5 }4 w  q/ ~: _0 b3 I( D
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）( |, v2 u, Z" p* T
Watson: Get that out of my face.
8 G+ |( d9 f% b8 w7 THolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
$ Z# o/ u/ r: u6 I2 }3 E% |Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
  n# ~8 N) M9 q; c- T) h! |+ p路人警官Clarky上场。
' \; l9 Z2 R. k' {* P$ ]6 j, vClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
* b2 X3 Y+ T9 ?$ K0 HHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）: v% N! X2 j" B% I
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。: s' E0 v; ~4 b1 i" ~! }
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?+ E6 J# b; q: C
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.; i' A! X( l2 ]5 c4 a
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
8 ^( l* D% P- G; z- v) k（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）& ^& v, W3 `0 B5 D7 p0 q3 @& {
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.' r' j- X( T! B0 G
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）. i, `) @. H2 b
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% ?8 o3 B( H( B+ J$ R: j5 d河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。6 O* ]+ S/ l. F6 v* b/ x: ]" ?0 `  _4 R7 u
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
% c) v6 d9 ]9 F' {8 @: W! W6 Q/ PBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…+ B" u2 q; N% W7 o4 T. G- \
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
5 V7 m8 M! K3 O9 @; A死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
/ o' H2 y$ g+ L; P: {! dHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）6 R2 R5 b, V6 e9 m, i
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。' @0 n, s. j$ j& A2 u
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。, s* D5 V) b: U2 z; l
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.1 p; Q! x/ h& _3 b5 G6 K
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。+ K$ d5 j' P: ^* C
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。: N# G' b2 p5 x9 i* F
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）7 q) P0 Z9 l  x: r
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）# T) y2 o! s5 M- t0 B( Z0 g
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）# ]! A- h7 M0 }5 P
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
4 \& z- a; J+ i1 ]: h3 F8 M) MWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）8 {% ?3 K; r- o# `  W1 ^  b- K
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）7 W; n/ G! Q2 w  ^, Z9 _
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
: f7 l, I+ Q! q, Y6 ]+ i0 rHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
0 R# y& g+ F$ `( P4 N6 r# q$ OWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
3 ~) R+ l. w( y4 Z6 }# p+ a  h2 O/ [Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）8 k4 v' O$ C1 b  i
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）1 k$ _- a7 Q: t- B
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# Y& j( h1 F& b" m/ W总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……