《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
/ i, O/ r( e9 E. Z$ F6 q***********
; |: v! V  |3 U% ~7 k4 C% u1．
1 V6 ]9 [1 n: _. f+ t- M9 C# R# H影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。# H# h- H1 P- @3 I5 \3 I" o7 {
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
, `3 b* Y2 }8 z6 jHolmes: I just picked it up.+ s+ O! O/ K* k1 d0 c3 m
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
" W& s/ `7 y. z0 fHolmes: Knew I forgot something.4 j# S/ t+ o  [& b$ x: m/ _/ ~
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）7 o1 {+ I) P) w1 K
Holmes: You did.
- L1 R$ Z/ a8 N) d! _; ~: ]7 ^（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）/ P& W% e5 L7 G7 e. y) y1 C5 C
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.( x. x8 L5 e% @3 T/ w6 ]. r$ X1 M
2．6 g! e$ ?; X4 s' r; ^& Y' [
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
  G$ ^4 A: T. c9 E" ]0 p$ Z% bWatson: Permission to enter the armory.5 V' D1 i# \" j# W5 w  i6 U
Holmes: Granted.; i3 m8 t2 i, Z# K: ~0 Y
3.# x3 U! Q7 q2 ]
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
6 D9 L) g2 ]  z! GWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
/ H. y6 Z, L& I$ }4．
/ G8 V8 Q3 |: V7 \拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。: m1 f" @! ]7 A3 s3 ~& Q( T
5．
2 X8 Q. C+ X: r  wWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。2 y' D# i* H+ j  k" _' L  H4 ^
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
- C0 E4 x6 J' M6．3 ?3 O2 B  F: k$ U/ i, b
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。9 U! Z/ x$ [+ I2 ]7 H
7．
/ o: X2 l0 @* I9 l% jBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。% b2 G  h/ u( H9 z# h, m" w4 {# ?
8．
0 Q0 ]7 b5 E" R) g/ _8 m& G: u1 qIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。- X0 I" ?3 F* \1 o, T' m9 i
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
# _3 q3 t0 q& {Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
* a" y$ G/ n- ^  h( {Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
; E+ ]. C% ~; E2 a7 TIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
' E# P  D7 ~" z  ^. |# \9．
4 b; g+ k$ d: @6 @  j/ \" TIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
$ E, Q- J! [2 V* d7 O4 _) jHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
6 f* E3 O& Z6 A, c3 pWatson: Get that out of my face.
. `+ G# v1 G: THolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.) \6 ?6 O6 ^) H! S  L! u  s
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.4 h* `, {& `; }  F' a# A
路人警官Clarky上场。
/ A  V, k" A' H, ?; o$ n2 ?Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.: Z4 H1 \0 s% h- `. k7 M) A
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
2 ]- E3 L7 [0 c- T4 ]6 G得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
* X3 f. e2 t2 K% B0 T) fWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?+ N0 {" s! m! C4 h3 [+ H- s7 T
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
' u* B. @' ~! K( U# Q10.
& l3 U2 M9 |. U$ o7 `4 J5 e' c1 B墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。( l. e5 y& _8 P+ b) Z
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）0 F3 V6 O! b* l( C' k0 @
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.7 |" c' b+ |3 j. r; {
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
# K5 p+ z4 }5 F( P# n11．
4 N$ e- b& @5 Y+ ~; }# o* K河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
0 I+ `8 p# j4 xHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
, p3 P# j5 }0 H; a& zBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
" x4 m+ a- y( b$ vWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）; m* c( W/ B! ?, Y* l/ `" o
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。( _$ H+ A3 y  m9 y, m  O6 x8 O9 h
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）" d# V- _7 s$ e2 J: x
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。. {: z1 C6 g% W3 q
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）$ i  _: {# e7 {
12．
' Y4 g1 ]; n! K& h# G9 E% W: c' K( J7 h警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。, r/ X. J& J: y# j% {8 W
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.& f) Q9 v+ H8 b2 e( e  N4 E4 L* j
13.
0 _% o) x# n" z) ~+ g接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
% Z: r6 l. d& P4 R; K* J2 W话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。; u6 \4 \/ L' S" Y1 \2 p
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）; [) N; ~, y" S5 M  o/ k
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
4 T, Z$ o; ^7 L; h( w: M( q% ?8 EHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
1 k6 F+ G+ N6 a4 F1 F8 A0 pMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
0 N8 e* g" K6 S/ u3 oWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）3 ~5 X1 \2 f& r
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）8 |! F9 H- E( _" Y4 Z9 H8 p/ W( N) e6 N
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）, V! _% r0 y8 a1 L  A! t+ ]9 W
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）% u* o4 H, w( b6 y" I1 s
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
4 D0 ]+ E- I3 v1 a& v* wMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
4 _  \! ~  U0 l  \) Z! J7 q, m（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
3 }: N) u# a* t, `8 ]3 _+ ?2 |***********
, Y, ^4 Z9 {# N- n! e. J1 z7 e总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……