《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。! w# d; W0 l5 r# t
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
; o% B* R2 L2 FHolmes: I just picked it up.; m# l$ b0 d3 q
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
" i) c2 n' z& o7 r8 Y$ I  P; uHolmes: Knew I forgot something.% S- P, j4 x8 x, B8 C3 b& F5 D' t
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）+ X, S; y$ e( _) I4 X
Holmes: You did.
6 Q3 N$ E$ f6 d（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）. f* P, o$ {. ?' }9 [$ o" Q0 N
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。" l- l6 o# h3 _2 x: L  x6 z
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.! Y& n' D  W# ~- C. F1 V: }
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
! ~; \5 R  j- C! l4 {Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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4 R6 J3 o0 f) r" v拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。% w- t7 J& O  p4 {6 f2 H* K# [
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）/ Y$ W* Q: W. @9 `% p: G0 N5 i/ k7 ?
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1 C+ s, K' E5 ?4 [Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。7 q+ e! t5 d% v8 |! w3 T( F1 j7 k
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. r: r# q3 x' {" b( aBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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% h3 \! P& n4 {, \6 X6 j3 ~Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。* N/ R0 A. q7 ]: S4 K
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）- D& Y, q4 `& L, F, g9 {/ q2 o
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
. i0 R. A  L. P+ E* J2 d1 qHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
" E; B1 e. u; a# ?% FIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.* d# G- b- L, H7 W# I
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
' a, Y+ J$ Z- j1 v& wHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
; E0 `$ u6 W) A: c  r2 bWatson: Get that out of my face.0 s; u6 ?- f! Z# E" A
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
7 {; P4 A0 j' b  q1 {' |  G- K, @Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
$ v% J8 A8 J! n. k2 a路人警官Clarky上场。' O" t7 x7 P5 ?* ?$ J9 C
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
; H% O; I/ {. J. S- K) XHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
% V3 F0 X" l( y/ o8 q得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。5 A3 x. H3 h( O0 O, |! O+ i8 f
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?7 N% ~0 k( K5 B" g3 i
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.3 |6 q0 w# w: f. J' A2 c# g
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! s) }+ `) ?2 e& Z% L9 V/ C墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
* {/ b' j. o8 z（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
, l) t( \( x% }) Y8 P8 HHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
9 s/ |3 G5 |5 t% T( G& uWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）0 Y! Z( ^3 V1 S
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。: F! V9 u* Q4 e4 V" \) G0 D
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）; [! n( {3 S0 M! |( i
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…9 z' z! X% p+ S+ V7 d
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
7 s4 `- q9 K$ ~死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。9 y! C9 n9 N8 [0 w: Z+ j
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）1 f& T; J* H3 L9 ?
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
4 `% O5 H5 m) G5 iHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
$ R+ i/ M% g5 J" cLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。1 x  ]+ r- m: w- z* }: `# `
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。  M  g2 n' \, [( Y( V7 y
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
/ N9 e4 ~4 M* l* B! S6 _7 H; wWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
* g. h. _% _' S3 ~, NHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
/ G) P. u4 o: @' }( ^% k" I6 @5 s7 iMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?! K5 m% n; j# A! r( {) h. ~, l
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
3 d$ e- R% u+ M; |. fHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
# H! q, t( I, _" r0 |Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）' _3 q5 t/ y# d- h
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
$ Z. X- [/ \2 q0 j/ OWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）" t. \4 n) M% ?
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）% d0 ?- ~& z  V& \+ s9 e# Q
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）1 Z4 y5 q) e& B6 f
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7 l" N/ ?* T7 G4 A总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……