《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。  ]1 W# o2 J: w3 }
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& V) {( Z$ R' Q5 }影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
. ~* S2 v% J% g( o4 D, B  V5 T) IWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
% S" f, `- U- Y$ s$ w4 ^: IHolmes: I just picked it up.
. G! z' J; ~7 p3 n- D" `" a' [Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
; T! l0 Z  J5 _1 \8 m( F4 GHolmes: Knew I forgot something.& Q( {& V- g% N% }4 D% k* ~) L
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
* k5 v! z" ?/ t7 Q9 m  R2 E$ R6 dHolmes: You did.
5 p1 d& ]5 h& p5 O（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
& `3 K7 V; z- `( p$ ]Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.2 K, _! [" X8 O: u9 b5 W: c
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+ a. i; }% S, a: J$ J+ }' g9 J7 \宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。/ y0 X* V5 B2 }% ^2 f, ?
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
( h! f0 a0 X5 y2 R( {Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
% g; ~( H5 v: NWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）+ o" \# n0 w: \6 b# V1 \
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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9 h4 ]# O0 w# z/ gWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。3 M5 z8 Y5 g1 g9 ?7 z
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）  v1 V. n, I' v3 b% U2 m) A
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+ b: o9 V8 X5 t' @+ NHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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% _& P7 o/ F5 a- V4 YIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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: V9 g; F* y' O( s) S) sIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
! F* @' b' Q, r( l" x" D  pHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
2 Y! K, }3 A1 }Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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8 U: ^3 \8 W! i/ e' gIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
( ~, ?5 U6 a6 x; n& t# o0 BHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）2 F5 F: T7 C1 ]% I! d" l  y
Watson: Get that out of my face.6 f! o3 k! n+ N1 E; e1 h4 h% Q
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.0 Z" f) u7 W! l" |
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.5 G, O" k5 ?/ |* q
路人警官Clarky上场。' x$ `/ @# ?) R
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.. G+ R  U. g  b0 j
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
# ]& I) H% {8 ]. P2 |2 A7 ^& Y' f得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。' G/ H0 l$ m9 I, y* n: K
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
& p. R9 M( U/ C! B# \Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
6 t* `' m, w' u6 k: ~$ S7 a" B9 u（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
& F6 n2 T: o7 G5 X2 Y) IHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.2 l) w) f( f' |
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）( Z% _* r6 i- j9 c& V' O7 \$ t( m
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。1 A  c% }! x3 u* b6 ?' \
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
1 I2 e( J' b7 [$ O4 \( @4 x* B8 ]Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
' _0 r& y/ B! o5 x( k  }Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
0 Y0 ?- D6 u- i& p' S6 J9 J9 P死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
1 A  F% }9 h; z  A. oHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
- m6 l; `; g4 i  _1 j0 x& l& a3 ~后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。" V) r+ Q, y6 C
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）* B3 I- K, U% |" X4 n0 |! I
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. v; H& H0 q' Y. G警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。6 @% C6 ^* [! C* E' `5 V, V7 D
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。* p2 j* y' e3 p: m* U
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。# {4 C  g& }9 p( k1 T2 q% T
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
/ ?0 O5 \9 Z( H3 l( ^& iWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）  ^1 R, o2 [' W9 U- c# n3 N" k( s
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
! R5 w0 B  W8 E8 a9 l% WMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
6 t& b2 f( y2 O' ^Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）1 L" D8 y% J6 \4 d- ^) y
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
5 D4 K6 L$ A6 @& H* R, yWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
+ C% w3 `! M& WHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）3 |3 j9 W: Y) b% A# r2 a
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
% D' o" D( C; vMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）6 k" f. D* Z8 @/ H* p) U
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）- G( i$ ~4 x5 Z. {
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$ A7 K6 E& y" F! B& U总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……