《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。9 j" b+ ^8 t4 l  V) V3 B
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。1 R  K' G  `/ }. R
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
1 h1 V3 y. c' X) Z6 X. D1 m  e' DHolmes: I just picked it up.
+ R' c" v( f/ t* y- yWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）. V8 @% u* j+ R4 Y( N
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.8 o% u  m+ G" k# C+ q
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
- N& ~- h# O, IHolmes: You did.
: z7 r; }; A* s* I; T. U6 ?% U（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
' C0 ]7 j  I: _- V; ?8 HHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。" v9 G$ |% ?# ~9 H
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
- q% O0 t! T' X; q# [& ]: i0 S+ p% T* sHolmes: Granted.2 b. J( C* ^* p7 ?. ~
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1 }8 s& c0 l8 m9 k晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。" M5 z0 B1 I. w
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）3 [1 K% U" f) t" b- W
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+ d! H4 U; p3 E' `" ]: ^' t拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。$ H$ j+ y2 D3 U& U" o0 \* U
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% l$ J: W; F6 P) X6 W# g2 V" \Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。8 `# R* }2 T: U2 c  ^" R6 _6 n
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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2 W3 g. ^7 X; H; w, |5 `3 lHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。( n, R- x6 r9 A" I$ y$ s' Q1 `
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。& |+ |7 _/ B5 ?9 T: Y
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
8 W9 J! F- q2 s1 [（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）5 t  @+ P. P" S" b7 Z9 w
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?" p" m' L( e, L0 G7 p
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
) \* F5 s4 F5 N6 T/ g7 w  Q% L2 bIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.: t4 @5 P" a: q
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, K# B# b( l" m% j3 C' J: YIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。4 ]: ]) \. ~0 w8 Y0 c( s# y0 D0 z
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
6 ?! _" [& J( w3 f* k5 L2 O7 `Watson: Get that out of my face.
( J+ n# l/ _# C) ?# ~7 {Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
: Q: p* |: D" QWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
0 @0 P& b! h5 K8 ^8 o% A* |  H路人警官Clarky上场。1 v  J1 P: ~1 B) R
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once., ~* V3 ]! l+ y% Y* G1 t; a# }
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）1 H1 W) A4 `) g* j* B
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
1 H3 G7 W. G% P/ fWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?% F3 j" g6 I$ J* m3 n# A7 {' \1 O
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。5 r) O6 _( f' i8 {5 V! H
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
1 A; n2 t1 F: ^, R4 }Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
+ x- Y; d; V- M" m( ^9 SWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）  y- \& D/ v* V# j
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0 Y, o( _" P# F, p  X河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。9 v# R+ F3 R! C4 F& g. _
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）# Z! @" ?8 Q4 R
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
; d0 a3 n( K3 B7 HWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）! T% M- n' q1 i: X' o- A  N" z  Y
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。8 {( c4 B( A  r; h- ]# M9 S2 e
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）6 k! H( l6 b; M3 p+ O* D
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。0 n: U+ |5 c; I* T
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）6 i6 W" m6 c+ M' B' h  c
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
2 @0 s  O% i6 ~$ eLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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6 v& Y8 Y/ p$ s4 ?1 z( n接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
2 U2 x( \* j6 U- p5 @话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。2 l/ E# Z2 Q0 U0 e( L
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）7 T& `$ o! X/ i+ ~5 Q( g
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
3 S' |7 U8 D$ u: W, }Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
* c1 W! `" X0 [  _2 g' @5 vMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
' V5 u% a- r0 q2 {4 ^$ H1 ]Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）% x  G% |& b9 o  J) P+ J) |+ O- D
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）+ A$ \2 _- A- c: N$ ?
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
4 C) s5 D3 C/ [Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
+ x1 I; N8 ]+ b6 }3 hWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）- Y2 T4 X* v( R3 t$ V
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）) H7 {1 k+ C( q( H2 S0 A: n. c
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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; y1 j/ }  X# m/ l0 z3 z总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……