《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
- q  x8 R  V" i) }4 ^' V***********: a  i' c# {6 E9 h
1．7 m( i) b6 A; S6 R: @3 H5 s
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。2 p5 Y' M9 }$ X1 v. B6 O
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
) ^  |' M" _/ qHolmes: I just picked it up.
: q4 k+ \4 O8 H& I% tWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）5 f0 H9 D% G5 w7 O! G# @
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.# s4 C3 u5 q5 V0 l$ t
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
' \' `3 F# S; W6 vHolmes: You did.7 S& d/ s7 ?0 X
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）0 J! E; a7 ?4 A2 j' ^# r' O
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.! \8 [( f& }9 I" Y1 @0 w3 L
2．! {4 b- }0 p" X  g" e) w
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
4 y% M. V( g8 dWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
. ?, Q& b+ M6 C4 v3 V2 PHolmes: Granted." B9 m  y1 S/ _- [
3.$ l: q# j2 E, M1 V0 b/ r+ D' Q. M
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
4 `. L' w+ ~2 y$ I) M3 [. hWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
! h3 d5 P1 H+ u; P4．
0 C6 N: s/ h( T* l, l拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。2 W2 S! ]' q7 B# J
5．
" b! G/ d. s% jWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
" H! C/ ?- }  n, _Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）. q8 ?' i0 D1 M( Q- F2 t$ }
6．
7 ~: W$ N, e4 Q! r# oHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
; r$ B. O7 n+ g% n* j( i7．2 k0 e1 \$ W6 F
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
$ F! d; f4 H0 T3 j' Q. J* u  S8．3 n6 c0 x4 K" f$ T0 \
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
0 e7 n4 B4 z" E( M% y$ A（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
7 V2 |, i7 A% E$ V" A3 Z/ pIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
3 W* w0 w1 r9 e8 s2 P; [8 Z3 w. CHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
) Y& D  Z% r4 ZIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
( p9 E) K, M( z# f. N9．2 \7 k) T, ?# ~% W
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。1 f! K3 d/ J0 l, v. C2 `
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
+ N. {6 `" I# @0 Q2 X9 S& U# qWatson: Get that out of my face.
6 I8 j5 B) s+ ?9 T- e, w0 G- d7 UHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.( W# e1 U" _- l( p
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
  s3 h8 l3 v: `路人警官Clarky上场。
" E1 f4 Q9 s* |& hClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
: l0 ]3 o7 [7 s/ Y" c" c! aHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）- w" R$ \. J) I7 _
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
% \$ T5 p3 G3 }! [3 A9 j1 nWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
  L* F1 t9 k4 R$ cHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
3 v. A0 B+ _. X; c2 }" T10.2 \1 O( D9 M# T
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
& O" B9 V, M, N7 o+ k6 t- q（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
5 S, C" j/ R9 l, q# B) v, L" \7 VHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
8 G2 d  Z6 x6 K9 V- }' n  A: a' hWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）$ b7 q. b  M; ^# }( t) v9 X
11．
2 v" p' o" P6 h河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
/ ~; L2 W3 M7 E% ^1 iHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
3 D3 G/ R0 V  J' y# l0 u' T! xBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
) T( g) H) `" w9 {- MWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）0 V2 Q) Q* s  X( [
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
1 J$ T1 a/ ~8 hHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
( U) F. X$ y4 Y2 f* Y后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。2 Y- J7 T) }. G9 U: n. T" H$ K
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
. `; E! M4 \" T) Q. J12．- b3 B1 _3 q4 K) N/ ?/ R( f4 s% Y
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
/ q; A2 w- Z9 g7 c/ ~- m- wLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing./ S$ Z" c8 }; g5 d: u
13.: P' w* P4 X1 M6 j/ `
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
: F+ G; a# s+ z+ x) {( l. L话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。4 K$ K. a5 B! X1 i" W9 I7 u
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）) C! }# b; h) ?: c! K: n3 o- o% {! A
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）; @; c+ X. f8 P% |* t
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）9 S+ E/ X  k8 g0 B$ ?- a9 `  T' C7 V
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
, A# i) L0 I  a0 ~: a$ r) pWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
/ f! J+ E6 B& yHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
4 H3 h$ @9 D- L0 h3 _Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
8 g' v& k3 I8 |* X7 i" eHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
2 s9 ~, Z9 A2 ~2 E& l8 V& d# M) s2 `Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
- b5 X) @/ l! X8 J* S3 DMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）9 b  |+ {* e2 B
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）- R, P! M! ~& v3 i1 a
***********: ]( P5 y& A1 h" l. j
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……