《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。* [3 R$ [$ \' e3 _7 H2 f- b& f3 R1 P
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
: M5 H0 V+ m4 O/ v6 x# l5 q  BWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
- Z( t& {: r' c( k$ b1 J+ Z) aHolmes: I just picked it up.
7 F" E# ?+ E0 Q  e7 MWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）5 i* z$ y  N8 L, G7 f) H
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.6 g/ b6 _: r0 A+ K$ T! C! O) o
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
6 j* J4 {  D" b# \9 AHolmes: You did.: o+ a% f2 \& `" N! g3 n9 D" ]- s
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
! l- K3 R  `* m' G" sHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.% `0 ~1 h( I9 Z6 A9 V) b8 o# A
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# r- x9 `" {0 P9 W" W% Q' U宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
4 j4 L# ^; ^( kWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
4 B, y: k6 _/ _. @$ r+ mHolmes: Granted.; K3 u9 O, }$ m: H$ u0 z
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
& f3 b" A: n* v/ m; NWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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4 m$ C( W' ]' h5 L7 t拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。# J4 U6 `4 s7 V/ ]' g
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  N1 M2 V8 |! [0 v+ @) |Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
: ]) ~0 ]& S- O! v3 t# g, `Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。3 a1 V2 R4 V- h! G3 `, h
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9 I2 R6 }: `5 I2 n! k& fBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。+ n) ^: `* d; J9 i! @& [
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
6 B. B; q5 S# H. i" Q) U（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
5 @5 m$ n0 F# ~7 lIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?& d$ S4 K2 Z- Q/ d
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
( X% n3 E4 _3 ]+ AIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.; W8 r3 a& e9 h2 ]3 i# N8 o; u" Z
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。9 @" ]* e0 @% l* |8 c$ @
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
( [0 L) q4 @& X5 {# YWatson: Get that out of my face.
: S$ I9 i! Z/ i* E8 b: lHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.& ?8 @' n5 |! I, B! Q" U2 n
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.& k: o( l$ T* L) o) }3 A# z2 q
路人警官Clarky上场。
  t8 P5 Q( p, d' Y/ WClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
- A) o) y0 s/ Z; @+ j3 r# Q+ w: ]4 fHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）) }( @4 X% k1 m: U5 t! }7 ?
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
0 r; i& p4 v* I) Z- {Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
% M3 z8 S0 v) f+ G! iHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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% M! v. G4 O8 w- v墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
. ~6 g& A# {. H* {（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
  [5 q3 k, t3 h. C1 C# `Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.# O# a8 h/ r; ^" A
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。' o3 B+ i0 h* R3 k8 |: r9 [0 D
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
8 T. G  o8 \, {2 pBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
: Y5 _% p! r. Y' WWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）7 i" m; v' \3 K: y
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。" V, s- Y1 H0 \* w5 I) C
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）! O! n0 F% ?, w: ?7 ^
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。3 v- o& }% G6 o3 w
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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' D. @! E' M- Y) h/ y# X警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。7 v5 K4 g1 X2 A0 R( z1 f
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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" ]2 F- h6 R; y: S/ e/ Z接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。! z( ^% P0 k! ]$ l3 ]+ F; r
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
, ~% t( b2 `6 C# {& d: eHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）& S% H. R. a8 `/ Y( {, L" J4 C
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）. M3 M+ t7 b/ _1 G' D
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）; e/ ]* [" m$ \( }. [9 }; [& J
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
0 a" r$ J8 M- U) lWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
) J9 l' e1 E6 S2 i2 kHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
$ u7 x6 V1 z3 V; b7 GWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）) w% W. C0 j* u1 {& \; E. A( t: {  H
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
8 H- K, O2 i% o7 w7 ~Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
% X& ~1 Y+ S5 }* V' ?Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）! E' w; V8 v2 B) a& j
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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; D! `" }8 S* ?6 e* q- x/ m5 M4 d总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……