《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。8 r. u- R) X  J6 Y9 I& ]9 _
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' O7 D2 o# ], b' G, J影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。( Q' x  E+ |1 c- I" K7 h
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
5 X5 N; b5 l/ NHolmes: I just picked it up.
& q/ l8 r0 Y" [& UWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
0 Z" M8 a5 o, nHolmes: Knew I forgot something.3 p: g0 s$ N& g" F0 y) W* S
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）. K% s% h$ X/ i& L( E' B6 R
Holmes: You did.
. D  N# B0 Q( u; k+ @（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）9 F; ?3 C$ K1 G; Z
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all./ R+ J9 O; u1 b0 z$ k$ o  o. `2 E4 S
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。/ W1 B8 }. C$ C+ c
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.* B' l7 N$ L  S7 V8 L
Holmes: Granted.) E4 [* h+ N8 [( I: s
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; h! A, n: j6 b. l0 f晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。& p2 a3 m8 L; O/ ^
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）) Q$ L) l* U9 j: W
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" U, `, Y2 @8 ^) G! y2 y拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。! |1 j9 }8 t: J) ^6 ]% b- `
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。6 @5 t* l- j: x% [, C
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）9 a: C- }, d# e7 v4 a2 E
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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& V9 I7 o, u3 |3 S4 MIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
+ I6 [. g# A& C# g! R- C. I! L; Z（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）- K4 c4 g" R6 z7 ^
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
7 b4 @0 z$ q/ qHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
) t9 x+ |: B8 Q% fIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.3 L2 p# i$ V7 ^1 e! V' O0 J
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
; W0 }, R) _$ p: g, d' c2 L- kHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）1 l$ Q2 e+ A7 \/ _: [4 X. A
Watson: Get that out of my face.
! u9 n, z6 Z0 H5 E; fHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.* [% K& K* z% X/ c5 K) s" N
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
4 f; B9 J. q- F4 z路人警官Clarky上场。2 C, Q( G# ~) h* f/ I
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
7 r7 o1 x/ Q/ s! x2 w2 R$ [Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
( _. d2 ^# C- ?$ {, S& Q; B/ h得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。5 d( X) |2 h5 f9 u
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?6 H. y3 A1 ~& k. m; \
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
9 p- T, d3 r7 c2 y* g（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
2 l! |: X1 x4 ~2 n6 a! o0 u* xHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.2 D$ i6 W& ^. Q7 J
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）, D4 L: O- h! |" U7 \5 J
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
: w& u& x2 L: r# c% B& f& pHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）( H. o9 W; r2 R) \( @
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
  S: L4 b1 w, i/ ^, m, E/ y6 A, `Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）1 F. E0 p# `  Z7 I: @5 t$ ~  G2 k
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。1 ]7 s( w5 E5 Y. b3 k
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）2 K9 ]8 p% |( z* W, B6 f
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。9 \0 I) R/ N# c$ l
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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' J# M: A9 o% q; T3 ]+ ^" v* |警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
: w/ V: k1 a$ Z2 ?Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.$ `% T! o! F' |2 Q
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。" D% K5 o. C- }/ L8 w8 T1 q8 D
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。, Z8 U0 {) G0 O% `0 {8 R- `
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
; P3 q2 M" E( a# kWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
" Y0 R+ F& K' C; Y6 {% s4 w) YHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）( S1 _; z% G+ e4 w5 G2 z
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
' i9 N+ P  @* U+ B  K! q( RWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
1 ^$ a6 X* T+ O0 F, u& I* IHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）9 N. K4 x; t# Q% J: Q
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）+ {/ H: Q. h" L5 V6 P
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
: z% G/ o# |9 w, S' Y+ E! pWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
( f4 B0 W( u* ^$ E5 u9 [& lMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）$ r" a) Z# r5 U' ^; R" j
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……