《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。- k) w6 \7 T8 k4 d8 H& j
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）& _; T# Y- _4 q' H) ?- X6 A% g- Q1 A
Holmes: I just picked it up.
5 s% f4 v. E$ b" u9 }( o: Q2 C' D+ hWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
+ I, F3 q5 q0 T" a, hHolmes: Knew I forgot something.: N* q3 I3 C( u* t
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
! j+ q, F9 I0 K) i# F3 ?Holmes: You did./ _2 O# ^) R; Q* K$ r4 v8 o4 G3 l
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）5 c9 S1 Y$ e: `9 V; I
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。! K( H2 C" ~& I! \4 |
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.8 P6 a, x$ h: l: A3 G
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
  J1 W  [/ M( Y" O% q  _* ]6 gWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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: }6 J$ H/ B9 z& E5 I8 f' I拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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6 M2 n/ l/ t% ]' |Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。6 G# v% @3 c  ^) h  E# x
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）+ X( n' p5 q( W. _
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9 h) Z( m# B. {$ C2 O5 ^0 }2 V& _Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。, w7 z9 O. `- }. z  t7 |
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  }5 F) W/ I, F1 W, {/ X) A# oBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。4 y4 [5 A  X7 j
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9 H8 W- R* l3 |Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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* l$ m  P( ]. a2 Y. u1 fIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?8 |% J' _, d2 m) b# B
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）3 F: T+ ^5 [3 O
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.& H3 H' u) Z- s
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- B  q- v$ n) T( q2 d7 H4 x* cIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
/ f7 Q8 P2 Y/ P  v' c( wHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
0 i0 @/ n1 z/ B' D0 [( ?% f3 ~$ iWatson: Get that out of my face.
- u, e, @8 G1 L, f) j! l6 WHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.: d3 Q: j+ J$ l* V+ l
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.0 N$ m2 \) v& A8 ^5 S2 R+ u$ h# ]
路人警官Clarky上场。
- O8 l7 D5 E( z' u  @8 C: J3 C) GClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.7 u7 R5 V6 b1 S1 N" G' Z
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
: K; W( R+ v  b8 k8 G* A得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
+ i) ]7 P) l/ I; Y% Z+ [9 bWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?  B) _& [2 v# x
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
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: s) s! L2 }9 N( I, t% s, yHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
, E4 n1 n  I. ?9 e  JWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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0 @; r3 R7 Z* P2 u6 M河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。4 O5 g) q5 x5 p: V: H/ x+ f  E$ H3 i8 X
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）8 y1 o" c  O$ l0 k
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…0 N8 e' h% ?2 E
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）3 q3 _3 Z4 N6 p8 w/ |, T
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
8 h0 _# J  H% Y* ]! KHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
8 Z& s- r: Y& ]+ D4 N后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。6 U% y- Q% c+ ~: }) \* N
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）* P1 z  }1 R5 K: n5 \2 r$ [
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。9 O+ B) E2 @4 G* T3 C
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。: y3 K, h0 z5 Y; R; [$ f
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
# p0 q% X0 s0 @8 Y  k% L, UHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）3 I1 S% Q2 t3 |; N
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
6 [) w) P  s0 [Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）% k4 s: O! M! H) S" M
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
9 N; \7 j9 p+ p, `( }6 W, iWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
2 t" I4 u8 {: P6 l8 O$ K& J8 ~6 SHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）7 i  H8 s9 f; t! T* v: _4 J; J
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
- Z( [1 i! J" s; mHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
+ W5 ?6 |% Z% q# P) j: kWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
+ D+ t4 X8 j. H; ~Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
( e- J7 j6 Z( z6 g. a（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）9 _- t* ?8 u7 Y" t* V3 F
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……