《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。6 r! M5 [% N# j1 ?2 Q! q
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。& l# g& p1 I. O
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）/ {' `9 s# U' d2 E! W3 t
Holmes: I just picked it up.
- l! C% j: c  FWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）3 F0 M. S8 k) U
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
4 C/ C/ P2 r, s: a. O0 q5 x) T7 cWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）9 E, ^; V7 w: `  k: C! q9 G
Holmes: You did.
1 b( l- Z8 ]1 S( M- i% L6 o3 y4 I（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）; F( C! _9 T7 ]1 H& r7 \
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.6 y2 t- @/ X2 X; D. d. s
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
% e3 M! _& x: H8 oWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
2 D1 x& G0 f. G3 i8 `Holmes: Granted.
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) t0 y* d8 Y$ o8 l! g) `: _9 e: g晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
% ?7 x9 \$ x  J) f/ RWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）7 ]+ A* Y5 S3 P/ Y# q) s' J
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6 |4 O7 F: o; v9 c# ?# Z( A6 U拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。  x3 Z* o7 v4 z9 R+ I* u
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
2 f! G  e6 q- LWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）3 `- q8 \, N% _
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* c5 D4 z, M# i9 e6 iHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。+ O: ~1 T+ Y3 U3 q
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% A0 m- ~; U4 W5 d6 T- ]Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。% }0 O' i3 {) q( @. \
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。6 R, N* x/ ]7 I
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）. n" \2 S( O) ]* B% E
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?) L  y0 |' Q# [* u
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）: l, y* {$ i1 C0 j8 z( l& o
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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5 |: |  _/ [9 A0 E% O$ {) ZIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
/ h$ K) @! X; T' fHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
& K7 G( k5 @* e; j2 {% aWatson: Get that out of my face.
' k+ ~0 D# d: b$ B+ H, ~' zHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
) A$ U, I% l5 @/ [Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.6 e, |% t9 n0 ~! n
路人警官Clarky上场。
# u  K; F2 w0 B/ ?2 ]* T; w! K7 gClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
, N: @( C% A* o; N+ W/ c( H8 P# x! [Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）: ~4 y$ L+ S  s7 o5 t$ M2 L6 L
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
0 ^1 l; E; U9 k+ aWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
5 \5 s3 m* V8 T- l+ S+ WHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.( Z; r8 {& t: W9 F  W, X
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。" y0 X& G* d& K: e0 I) Z
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
0 W# c% P( x4 z( r1 R2 z' U4 BHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.3 K% e, U8 z. |0 ~
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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% D8 n# q& p0 k. l河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
! s5 @: J) n! p% {& UHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
7 S% X4 ^( ?" ]! O9 DBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…' r. D8 ?. q' V
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）2 ^5 H; q1 s* {6 U, v2 p
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
( K/ ]+ A+ a) E0 y* K9 YHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
* J& Y  y; \8 f6 y0 h! N后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。3 |" N2 `3 s' F
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）- ~. f0 w9 g) J
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; X. T1 S- a& c  m6 n5 b警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
8 a2 N: C! O& `Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.; T/ }) }: ~! i. P8 ]) s# N" f. A
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
2 E1 j/ @, q7 u话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。9 S# m/ T- }( a; C0 e; ~7 P9 f- k
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）: J% |# ?$ Y: ^& r; p" i2 c
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
" {( E! Y) H0 t8 p3 O' qHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
/ _# w0 w6 R9 l' U/ D& PMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?0 S& h% H+ e9 d* m& U& u
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）. \7 G) w9 f4 I
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）1 W6 [; E7 r+ S+ w, T3 M0 x& I
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）1 c# v. Q/ ?+ v6 G* v+ o+ z
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
  `- U+ D- H: ?: L3 RWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）5 Z: ~- K9 B2 o
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
. F! h2 I% a" D% Z* d* R（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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7 g4 _* M2 u9 ~+ n6 }2 h总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……