《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。8 `0 v& D1 S4 {: t  _
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）- ^" j9 W0 f1 b* U: y- A$ m7 }
Holmes: I just picked it up.8 W/ ~+ O; j; N
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
% W2 z/ y, k" |Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
, ?/ J7 J  c/ p! kWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）* b  B! j- t' d
Holmes: You did.
/ |# M: a5 A& L3 o- e（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）9 c5 w0 l9 F3 y+ \0 r! W
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.5 y, F) t+ x5 S6 h8 c; b
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。* ?8 Z, L0 K8 b& y8 t
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.' }/ j5 u! U! O* r: S% `8 d
Holmes: Granted.
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, G2 g6 E) F& {0 H晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。6 g7 v; J* `, b9 y
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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  C3 b4 O) r5 f; C1 s- M8 o拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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; q/ b: B7 E! ~% [+ AWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。- x) i- U% R8 \) a) m
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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0 k7 K5 e$ U) e) b0 m3 |2 cHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。0 h2 h/ ~. e1 \6 {) O
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
3 d5 j+ b! S$ g5 }2 t8 @（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）- f# R/ |' N3 X! A# @5 [" F- [! J
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
( w4 X/ X, I4 o2 k: u( x# ^Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
& l# f% b0 d" A4 ?2 IIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.4 B% g/ w( C1 z, ]
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。) `/ T5 L8 k8 o( s$ [6 V
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）4 e' z, v  i& n& I& S! r; W
Watson: Get that out of my face.5 Z1 f9 _7 Z2 O8 [7 s( ^/ h2 i
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
$ _3 ]* D8 s, x: r6 s  ?5 [; G: pWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face., r; [# k$ c5 }& ]5 u
路人警官Clarky上场。. R. o" p/ X) p' {5 C* \
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.4 i2 Y$ V/ G; t
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）1 o$ n9 u$ R( n4 g( {
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
( l$ f) X& [7 M7 d) zWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
) |% ?0 k; w( H% PHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.$ c5 X( v  C8 v& y1 Y
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。  x( B( ~3 M: |8 u, ^
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
2 y; a; {" N4 H+ |. vHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely." \3 i. W# y# t* _0 I8 L: p
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）6 X: x+ \. T+ K( g( I/ E5 G9 p, w: K5 q
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0 G; n8 h# y6 S' L河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。8 [% [: l- Z, F- b
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）8 l; S$ @. _2 y0 e: k1 [7 I
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…, |: e* z# Y( c0 c5 Q
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）+ n) i" i' f  b: Y* d6 x
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。& l* T1 M% b) Q0 N; f+ U
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）3 y8 l7 e7 T7 b, \8 Y8 l; L
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
( v2 A9 u1 e; t. tHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。7 K: y: X7 u9 N5 Q2 _1 Y" w' G
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。! r* p1 [( O8 S5 ]: u! }2 M% S- ?
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
, g6 b; v" I5 a1 R  I- l$ Y+ MHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
& F& S. K/ h5 `) |0 q3 D6 GWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
% }& x& a2 L, N9 i5 h4 hHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）; y- l+ G, z8 ^' F& `
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
/ L3 Q' |2 Z; S6 f# d! iWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）9 g( x9 v0 ?3 V: n5 g3 H1 j
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
$ @& V$ T! Y+ I, c! r- g* [) AWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）: `, A$ u, D. v0 ~7 N9 k
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
% ?! R6 C' ?" D: {Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）: j0 u" [/ i) J6 z  o' _% M* \
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）: q1 X7 ?, `$ g6 L- \$ Q1 W
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）2 I& H! q) g' T: j
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" a/ t9 u/ d( J0 V, T- @& }总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……