《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。% F7 y* P1 ]2 [! X4 K7 K7 F
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。4 O/ q% l" m& M$ V
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
- a% j& V* b# D- \Holmes: I just picked it up.
3 U! q& E& q0 J& R+ E5 yWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
, Y2 u, F7 {. Q" _4 t7 PHolmes: Knew I forgot something.# K9 ]4 @9 b! k1 h0 y' U
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）- O) x- w  r  K. w9 S6 E! m
Holmes: You did.
# P$ F3 }& R8 o0 c（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）. g& I* N& F7 x0 B6 L7 d+ _6 {
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.8 ~) z3 Z  X5 L  _; L' i& Y
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。$ @# ^, R5 C* k+ e4 `. [
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
: @9 J2 `6 X& W+ u& M) N0 w& XHolmes: Granted.; w. `7 b7 L/ u) y/ j/ L9 y' w
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( A- m/ g9 I3 q5 C  n# Z% M6 R3 Z晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。0 z7 \1 y- v3 ]) P: ?2 P5 i* H
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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1 B0 o( z" v, x6 I0 R拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。! n6 l0 ~3 A4 e/ J, t$ G) k
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
5 z* f9 {; p: p$ oWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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; P# Y8 T( z1 z2 a- aHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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( X$ T% J/ s9 l3 T' ZBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。& j8 X7 c# a& X8 e7 e2 m' \
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( s: G% P' s$ ~1 }Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。( N0 x4 e8 Q3 g6 T' M. D
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）* I+ ]" T/ v8 H. D+ i, L. `" D1 L
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?1 S" G! O& @1 d. C
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
" O2 ~( Q* R6 n3 `7 }6 ^Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.4 |! d- h  o7 t& N  ]7 N' t1 ]' C
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% X& Y3 Y7 c7 y* \Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
! @  k" [. t/ {Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）( u' H# _' |$ P4 a
Watson: Get that out of my face.; P' x% p7 v$ m
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
" V2 q7 t; \& }% \, @# _, JWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.0 d" b  N- x' g( u3 l1 F/ e( e% D
路人警官Clarky上场。6 }. ~2 `1 @/ ?
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
4 p4 l9 n5 g) p* }. y' XHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）! ]5 t+ q, d- X& O9 C
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
( T+ W9 P* e( v$ o0 b+ CWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?- O! E" `! R- b% S# D) _7 O' d# |+ q
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not., a8 F4 |  }( ~7 W
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
7 k& e8 c% H8 y4 {2 Z7 l（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）3 x8 g7 {, l& M. K1 y+ Z
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
% n$ k- j) D* TWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）" R8 o7 X  ~; T4 X9 k0 x. p
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。% S: o8 _- j1 |, r# i* X
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
% ^. `8 s: ], T6 S2 }Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
, r- O/ z' n% FWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）  q& L5 H! v, P) [8 g% C
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
. v5 y* P% F) SHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）  O2 k, w9 W( _+ j' y
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
. K4 L& i# ?5 FHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。, u  E9 i7 x# J
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.7 b  x6 {+ n2 R! _6 b7 w
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。* o! l( A0 @! [
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
% R* [. P. z6 b$ }4 P, |Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）* H! M# Z7 j2 `3 y. w
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）- j  |: b  z  X- T  U  o) ?
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）- H/ c! o- t9 h+ [7 W" P) R' z4 ?1 J: y
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?7 |5 k9 T, C% i# j) A" w' v
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）) X: k* M5 j; w  b! |* F
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）% }1 A. b" S0 e4 w
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）* R6 y' ?: ^+ v, ?
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
1 z! W% r* I) V3 G0 _. zWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
; Y/ y2 \# j1 [( w& M+ L# F2 `Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）% V. [# Y2 p: Z$ X6 v
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）) P, e: {$ D9 |
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9 h  S& m: w, {! ?总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……