《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。3 L1 h, O( H' d
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
7 B3 B+ V) z3 B- D0 p! m) K/ VWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）+ `4 y8 I8 U; s
Holmes: I just picked it up., ^0 {: c- N2 m
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）1 z$ f% h0 N( s" O2 a! g( w
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
7 T- _, d( r# w; y4 xWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）9 _! ~/ c8 r6 l) q6 x$ Z9 W
Holmes: You did.5 X( k0 D9 O# t% f
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
% c# V1 D6 Z, _6 i6 x4 B2 f4 lHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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3 N, b3 z2 l; \: r+ {+ f宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。$ m8 z2 b7 `$ N2 T- o5 }' L9 K
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
4 a! P, a6 K) {$ gHolmes: Granted.$ i# z3 j# L, o
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4 c. {/ H' e3 C: W( O晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。" y0 P' Y# k% ?3 u4 R8 Q5 |
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）* F. c8 `" y/ O% X1 n
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, h0 @2 g( q+ c5 N5 R4 [- X拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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5 p6 ~$ K/ Z/ L" y; i  PWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
8 C4 c) P8 e! a( c7 q9 B/ RWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）8 |) M8 _& _: k! k0 L
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& z: j4 T" R& t. |Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。% N- T0 J# k" ^+ Z
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7 q. H/ C  ~! {, wBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。- z1 l4 H# ?/ X5 E5 W
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# U  W8 ~' C$ {$ N9 e6 @/ KIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
# D& r3 |8 g1 e, c7 A' d, d（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）$ d0 X- a) P, V# Z7 o6 j
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?3 I6 Y/ J/ H4 E: E0 `% p
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
$ E1 ]* Q) W2 i& O# J, i( jIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。6 N$ B- S3 }1 v  h; p
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）3 O+ M* W9 Z3 e9 ^- ~4 S% B: k
Watson: Get that out of my face.7 Y7 e( U4 z6 C2 i
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
4 q8 E9 V. v/ {Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
2 ^: z. t3 Z% j+ v/ u' {0 W路人警官Clarky上场。
" K$ K9 b+ r+ u1 n2 D  @% \Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
5 [9 w8 F/ C. m; A2 KHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
* W& o6 u! t! S& h4 L$ K得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。1 S: T/ F5 N+ u8 R2 G$ E
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?) {  C/ y5 T6 H2 e, e
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。  Z1 X' W: Z+ W' \
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
  g" M1 E2 z4 T& ?0 A4 N: aHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely." c" l. `  V+ ~" O- c
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。# J, ]( u7 ~9 P9 V2 V$ e  W) z
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
9 r; h; E" J+ y" E6 g/ x' E8 RBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
3 J9 n7 H* u2 ^7 sWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）- j" d. X# U" ~$ h! _
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。7 d7 {8 ~2 d; w1 E& C
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
4 j, o/ D$ j- N5 Q1 z" k后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。& ^3 A7 u1 [- V$ s2 b
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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  `9 x) P. s6 S警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
' p4 d* T) Y9 \2 L: M  p- Y0 r- R* ?Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.9 m4 ^; [( D! ^) L
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。- m& T; S6 @3 o# E
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
1 f7 x" e8 F$ H- \Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
% @6 s: [* s0 R; G6 w- @, p/ t! vWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
; L" O7 m8 D  P. v6 qHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
# d# l3 z3 x8 |. ?$ z) Q; }Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?5 p9 W8 J% _: O1 a# o$ @- |
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）, {2 p' i+ A- u( z( _
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
0 H# S; H5 P: \; h, T8 Z9 \Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
+ j( S! b  k+ ^( ], E2 N$ SHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）0 c: L* x+ c0 ~4 J; e8 @4 P
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）& Q1 w5 s8 h2 Y! t. v0 n
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
$ B( [6 g1 a: N; t" F（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）7 r. X5 m* b* q. _2 X
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" q# B. A: C8 N6 e! t总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……