《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。5 J; F% }) ]2 Q; c
***********; O" E9 L' p0 I9 b/ X
1．
! |- P" ^0 Q2 I影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
* l2 T" H9 l4 WWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）9 N2 @: |( _- v8 S' B' T5 l: ?* q+ ?
Holmes: I just picked it up.* ]" N" d+ t( ]# Y9 K! ?( @
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
  d- d  g& W1 G9 K; [7 gHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
# L6 k( \! \( M% Z% I" T2 H: F7 tWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
3 Z1 o' E: _6 ]& nHolmes: You did.4 U( C; g  i, }* o8 y
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
. O( {2 M" |  r* J& n' S" L& F) ?Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
- `) K/ ?: A" s2．
2 I, q, `7 _( y( I! \宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。0 e  y* F+ m$ b# V
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
8 t) _- k# U9 c8 e$ `* qHolmes: Granted.
' T) ~+ E6 B: T3.
/ x6 ~/ k0 F$ r8 H1 }. w1 T晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
7 }7 I) f2 W4 s( u) j  YWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）$ A+ r# V! y1 n6 }4 p4 K( q
4．  B7 l5 u' `* x: Y4 [
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。  c4 r) ^8 `/ X, P( I' ~0 P
5．3 v- y: Y. T' \
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。$ V. ~% T3 p) ~; c7 A: S0 h* ]6 D! u
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
' D( K+ y4 u4 u1 S. s+ }& T$ P- H6．
! C8 p0 ~' D# W7 o) ?3 _Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
" a3 O. N) d' {3 {- y+ e4 G7．
: O( q; Y. ^  HBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。' H3 d/ F/ _! i- K, [" p
8．
* R4 B$ ~  W1 W9 a' Q  S0 pIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
) Y/ C) q' k% }# F& ^（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）% l1 j: T1 N6 J  S) {3 X# A( D" L
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?3 O7 E/ S& K1 C# Q. e
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）, A4 r# }5 U: m
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
" B2 t# C! z3 O2 ?1 ~. `9．
' w8 _7 c2 f6 }( xIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
* L( A$ ]1 h1 c0 k( ?, DHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）# E+ g; D" b: Q7 a: f
Watson: Get that out of my face.+ ^5 V; _% \  b1 q2 S
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.& {7 F/ g1 w2 e& S1 i9 Q
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
6 E* V) ?* x, F  g+ B5 \路人警官Clarky上场。
% N( K- t- Y" M( }8 R6 |Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.' t* q  N& G! v
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
) F! }; j  R' X( b( z得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。2 \! h1 t, E9 F
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
) E! N% g! v8 y* V  A- o" U' D' t. M/ DHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
& M9 A5 d9 T. O6 h. T0 @; F10.
8 y4 j; _9 j% g' B& q# U9 W9 Z墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
& q5 R9 N; C* C' C. E: L# q/ Q（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）( u4 V0 W2 |/ l
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.6 [. a! k; L: Q) _$ J2 u
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
' x6 Q4 H. ~) H- Q5 c( U11．2 q% ?8 M' O$ Q' a  g
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
1 K3 O0 o3 G, @Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）$ f, m! r) ~# I* E8 U7 a2 `
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…8 Q. t& h2 _' @" N  _2 y% }
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）# X1 Y5 w: J/ x1 m0 _0 O
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
5 X# o  o+ N7 |6 HHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）+ ^0 ~. F* w# [, }1 j# R
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
$ C0 g' a! }0 dHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）, r! ]5 ?* V4 Z1 S: V
12．
/ U, ^( o$ _4 n) o警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
2 O7 d' E, a* @7 gLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.& Q6 R7 t, B$ g1 H+ A  X. L$ b& Q4 W
13.
7 f  U2 S* m- X6 Z- W# @接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
9 ]5 `1 P9 |# P0 e话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。& D! K: Z( ~% L/ D* i- I
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
" [5 K& K/ x- k* pWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
1 u1 j, t) N8 p3 jHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）5 Z0 i# @1 w9 J+ J* C! r) o
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
) d: x$ K/ X$ S' @0 n0 }6 cWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）& v) |$ d/ l- I1 N! @
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
. v: |9 m: v$ L$ C4 IWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
" R) A4 T+ T+ N6 m. v; W' h; kHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）9 i1 @6 ]) |# Y* f
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）4 m! j' e+ f7 e8 O4 R+ U2 P
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）' L7 ^$ [& v% n. K
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）8 G. w" X) _) t; }6 [
***********
! l, d% _" m1 E5 |* V6 ~总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……