《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。$ u  |8 X8 E/ I0 Y7 E6 F
***********% M2 [  G+ U$ I9 {
1．4 m8 a; Y, \& k& D" f9 R/ S
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
& |' L/ ~) n4 a/ ~( Y3 m$ mWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
& k/ N! u' K1 IHolmes: I just picked it up.
6 \) h. w" {% h  e7 t" m& U/ M; OWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
% T8 y* q# Y& A  G" W* i; S, g, C" ^+ GHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
3 q# u0 h. |! A+ H& k$ JWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）7 W7 n+ b, _$ s* R
Holmes: You did.3 Z  u9 i  @' C
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）4 N$ n  }+ b0 o- H" _
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.* D9 l, M2 f% e0 V( |
2．
1 D) {' p7 y4 D2 b3 Y( c宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
' ^6 @; w! y" ^9 z  `Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
; X0 N0 G9 o1 L- J2 q; t6 OHolmes: Granted.9 N1 D  |' N, P: J$ w
3.: z& ?+ ?$ p2 Y# e5 x1 W+ M% L7 N
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
. d- ^# O- d# U7 sWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）# O( T6 ~6 ^7 P8 c
4．6 M+ x3 q1 n1 r. }/ u* Z6 @; L  D) P
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
" a; J; n; H  y' t) h5．( ~" ^) u- K: ?" }- M/ ?
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。2 }& D. w8 q5 x5 S' Z$ b4 u
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）/ F" k, _9 B$ ~) r, m0 C: g
6．2 D. K$ n7 ?* y) k
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
# }4 n( g; Q% |# z8 T9 a' O7．
) m3 m# x8 m7 H) B! `( l; zBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
& ^/ q3 k* v( H8．2 C. W7 I4 B, n9 p+ j
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。9 `+ U6 f1 c" b! z: C( Q
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
7 u  y& n3 }2 m" OIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
2 P# o  V3 K1 ?* `; \Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
' [5 r5 j7 H) y, b5 m/ rIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.) h1 o- i6 Y2 e; e
9．
. @0 z6 `# b5 t3 N1 s9 ZIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
2 q$ T% R* J+ [1 K9 D3 l, b+ mHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）/ E3 J+ Y1 F5 T1 A9 D5 H. ?& n* V
Watson: Get that out of my face.
& i: G" n9 t+ ~+ F9 @1 a& qHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
* w& y+ ?5 Q- j! ~) oWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
5 m: h( t4 p5 {4 X& D路人警官Clarky上场。
$ y& p) n* h0 n2 EClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once., o0 e# c9 r2 ~$ [. v# v( k
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）3 q, [8 Q3 B9 O
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
9 k5 E# ?. y1 H1 N, ~, b0 m- oWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?, z4 d, D! U" d8 x  V" e
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
3 N* l1 U* z7 M. f/ R10.
6 f. |- o4 I& ?- B; C' c墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
: B. y  ]) {! Y$ X. |: h. N) h/ S- |（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
( P9 h$ L$ x+ Q1 RHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.) l! g5 z- T0 s& Z9 V( z
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
  j+ r2 @0 p3 T3 s7 v6 ]11．
$ ~3 o8 F- L- \- t8 V/ b' c* a河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。8 M& _. I* R& S/ B2 ?0 V0 V
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）8 V' H( C) h" a" z$ C4 b
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
1 }# V% @1 y& p" {# R$ ?Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）' i+ d4 n+ x6 S' c: f, {- q
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。: w9 f/ v3 i  ?) }
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
+ ^6 T3 V& Q9 L0 [后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
; W2 c9 [& u5 |, |. EHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
4 U! U5 [+ G: b5 y- x: d1 M12．
/ ^. `: p' t9 V/ P  ~% N警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。$ a% g9 L) u, Y/ f0 R; e- s9 `/ I
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
( x7 J4 i; Z1 s2 e9 d$ |( D- {13." b; `2 d9 C4 e/ k
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。; r. i4 K# Q% G9 ~# j+ @& r
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
0 `5 K0 I  n  p; Z# v8 T& p7 `+ _Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
( u* N) j2 F4 ?; Q4 q& W7 N: nWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）" s3 u8 w2 y- }, m9 b8 M9 c
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
- E9 M+ b1 e5 }% B6 ]  b9 R- |Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?# F/ A/ V: I, l7 i5 b7 Q
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）- r4 h& Q9 o+ E. P  x# M7 c, p
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）$ |6 j* r6 f1 v" l: }
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
6 g4 ]! J4 V4 c, vHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
" f$ Z1 K5 I1 F1 sWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
- I/ z8 B" P/ o0 F' j7 {& F) k5 W0 yMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
- r% k& S3 X' |. z5 w; e& v（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）$ {( ]: @; y0 y+ p
***********3 X5 O" e& F4 q  i/ m  A' D
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……