《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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& X  P$ }0 ^) q3 p+ d) q影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。* b( F) f0 n; B8 J3 r
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
! a3 P7 k' f9 B; b! EHolmes: I just picked it up.9 M! O' G" K1 x" R8 m+ t! K; I
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）8 C* N2 Q; k0 Q+ B5 o
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.$ e8 N! g1 s" O0 z* r
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
1 M( T* ~, e6 L* T  ?Holmes: You did.
& S4 W9 {2 s2 ^9 n, \5 X（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
* h0 u) C% ^! a& w3 \7 GHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。- p. G& n9 t; _
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.* c9 D+ l' ~. X* B3 L
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
: z8 k  s! h; f! [Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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6 \$ v- K  X( N拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。* P! L' d. D6 `
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; j2 X2 |6 q9 X. uWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
% [: V6 G& V8 Q/ N, e6 W& VWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）( q* m7 S3 p) J4 F. o
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。" x6 a- n$ M0 s- [$ Z+ y5 t; [- m
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）8 C$ i9 p3 `) q
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
5 q6 S: ~+ H0 S% H" |! {+ @Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
$ u8 e1 S# d( e8 J4 P* X6 YIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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& Y! \% @$ I" }/ E' @Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。; N# v; k1 c# Q5 {, m' L8 ~
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）2 Z8 R8 h6 l8 K7 v
Watson: Get that out of my face.
/ r/ U8 F; `# ]. e0 }Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
* H7 b/ g/ I$ |6 R) qWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
3 S+ L+ f+ b3 e8 N% C# H路人警官Clarky上场。9 c/ p) H2 ?& l6 e
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.  [5 J6 _; ]4 ], D5 u& _; J
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）: f# F9 @" M/ [0 V5 G
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。9 v' d  {4 V' e! ~# [
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
( k. b1 A$ i3 oHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.: o3 H! Y& V2 }4 b: V& z  {
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。6 c8 n1 E: B8 T' P- |
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
6 J" q+ U! J6 L# t  v' v, cHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.( a3 V. G& u% l* {
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。' `* h1 X( d8 C3 K
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
2 ?, {  [! K- ]) j/ j) w/ Y* `Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…7 g  X, k1 T3 l
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
. k4 h# w7 y, S# d: j死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。+ l/ H: |8 l7 G: J, r) z
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
+ d7 I. L1 T, r, V6 c, b/ d后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。9 p$ ?' I! d3 a3 I( d
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）9 c5 X& r" P" E3 G
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. H; w7 j% a7 x* F& w3 r1 ]3 O) P警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
3 P8 A" {/ X3 h- l1 vLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
, v1 r: m0 v! ]/ G2 k话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
. {: V1 K: q9 l: {Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）* _7 F. t3 [1 \4 o5 J
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）0 C+ V5 i( [7 [  D' k7 t7 A
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）- A( {' q+ @) J$ U+ [# D
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?6 U, W+ G4 d( @
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）, e! ?. f- q; H! `
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）8 U6 d( Q* U# }; T
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）4 u2 L& S" `9 Z: `) S5 h2 e
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
9 v  Z0 ]' _! Q1 eWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
- }8 |4 E! B2 Q% R0 K8 d  ]Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
) \3 y+ b2 Y& v( {1 O4 t（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……