《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。( m! Y& W" d8 F0 h$ m# e
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1 u. U( W. `0 e) f0 I影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。/ {+ @! `9 z( ~1 t5 R6 H
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
( E2 ]* V8 \5 E* |* V) {3 h* XHolmes: I just picked it up.+ \9 ^+ E8 W/ K
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）9 T" t& i2 |' {. [2 N+ o$ e- m
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
' u' w- ?8 t  cWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
9 k/ E; P+ b' q5 HHolmes: You did.
; f% k# C$ D! M- [4 v! [（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）# @1 j8 N& V1 i% \1 x
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.8 A  F+ |* R7 R" p, b/ Y7 ~
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2 A- X$ `# O% e( ?6 x9 N, I; Q, s宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
' |1 @, `+ c( U3 R( TWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
4 u4 M! n: B: J- P  N) LHolmes: Granted.3 P1 [' F- j7 }( g# Z0 t
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0 }1 \/ `6 K7 |2 v" P晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。. i8 s+ I! q% s! M; {9 c
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）& ?7 Y6 E2 r, ?, `* \0 \
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+ B/ E) o2 K' F$ j1 Q拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。" w5 |2 e" J" H$ ]/ S
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）' b! I0 V% ~3 T
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。- w8 b; [" _7 s; ?8 q  i# P
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" F. _: I$ Y6 `$ H, t/ GBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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* x* g, o- v! U) J, W: cIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
# ?  q- n& U# ]) ?  t9 q  n. J# N（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）0 W# U0 v8 o( x. J  Y% N; h# V
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
6 k0 s, t; ]" l  v6 w0 m3 \! V% aHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
3 y5 C7 G9 c( p) @Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
' A/ L0 x/ o( t) g; QHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
0 i% o$ r% @* F+ CWatson: Get that out of my face.- o9 N; _8 c' u& O/ _3 s  o8 j
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
8 j+ n: f) A; k9 u% w7 LWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.$ z0 j, B- z- f9 ~' Z% |1 \" K* I8 D
路人警官Clarky上场。' k9 ~* R9 Z, T0 B7 i$ B
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
+ l  b; C4 l6 b6 n- W+ o* dHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）& t; C+ y) \. j! L5 H
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。$ k' E) u4 {5 E' \
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?) y1 Y! N: p# x
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.# p* e: J0 s- C/ [8 _2 x
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2 x  ]  r( P: J. }7 X墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
0 d+ }( X) G4 j' \* R, {: T5 \（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）! w5 u* S6 d) a3 H7 f3 o
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.$ j. V% I! R" n8 x
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）( O/ |5 C1 ]" m
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。/ k& U2 t  `$ S" i4 o
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）$ }9 O; p# N) @
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…! k9 z! d/ K0 w- F: v& U: G
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）# \1 z7 v. [5 l) z! B4 D; X, A* R
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。0 L3 ]% ^( e# C
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）9 k( F% {  S6 r7 ]+ S
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
; i1 J! ?, y/ _! p/ r, E( |( rHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）, U* A: K3 \4 \; Z. k( j) C
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5 l3 g; w5 P" [: j, e' ]4 z警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
- [( _8 z& D1 u( [8 OLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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8 N, ?8 Q. I! [/ _接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。/ ]0 ~. u+ {# M6 s  H
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
' Y+ D% A: z4 k9 ZHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）1 ^8 y6 V9 A  o( y7 O. F! x# I7 V) ]
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）- I1 O- K4 `5 w) T5 v, k9 P  ?( ]
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
, H* A; ~# V' a3 E" o; o! sMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
0 W5 E* M9 M! B7 l, s4 `Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
: {3 p$ D; M! M5 k4 AHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）( H0 ]1 {4 D* j* V
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）+ L+ h. H' [3 N+ j
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）9 B/ J" X( L: O* d; {+ f) l7 h4 U
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）$ e3 a" a# W- f7 ~) d* v9 G, ~
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
, {4 }7 b' w$ D（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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0 u4 D  q. [2 f; B0 q4 [+ @' K9 E总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……