《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。* ~  D& t; u, z" g0 d, R! I
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: [, h0 k  n- c2 B1 W- ~影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
9 K' j# P7 y6 ]1 n) fWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）. G& d6 p, P6 u% a. o8 ]) N9 ]7 t' W
Holmes: I just picked it up.1 M& x, |9 y- ~+ r
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）9 J* R; U: }8 u1 @. z( `: |
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.0 \" |, G; t* a+ h! Q1 d! i0 ?
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）% V, [8 r: m0 K" h/ I# m' G* e
Holmes: You did.' X3 i8 b) }  d8 X: e
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
3 L0 g) p; V& f3 V9 D6 EHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.* h$ E' P( m- v7 [! H( H" h
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。  V2 S# ^# |( M
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
; `1 M5 L  |- p( h, q+ K, {/ @Holmes: Granted.; O1 p0 [  j6 q" N/ S- [. O7 B
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/ l# H1 V/ |7 Z3 Q4 R晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
7 v/ O  `$ m$ `* `3 f5 Y2 U' {$ [Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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8 T2 l6 S$ p* K, j" s# _3 ZWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
' a+ M' R! c5 ?' K( o+ Y5 HWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）3 ]* S# Q) p( t  w% ~1 s
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- ~& f% c2 s8 C+ P! oHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。: `! S6 f! R  S- P, T' q( @! y' Y
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- R1 J* k1 D. B7 B# A) sBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。7 T3 z. X: E+ Z
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+ C5 M( _* d4 ~7 S& dIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。8 U, |9 L/ I  t1 S; q8 ]3 `. Z
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
0 S& u; j5 i/ Y: o$ NIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
2 c0 E$ W! J+ w9 m8 ~+ g/ EHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）# B$ K2 H; o) d1 P9 k
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.( _3 v1 @( M  @
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1 O$ Q2 Z4 E( MIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。4 Y- i1 L0 {7 O8 P" w2 g
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）- q0 v2 i$ Y1 S) x/ c
Watson: Get that out of my face.! V8 U" t# h- r
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
0 R/ S* Q3 o4 g/ u0 r8 LWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face./ S- e7 B% G3 b% a$ ?7 H
路人警官Clarky上场。
7 M% ~5 T! L% f0 J) g2 A' @4 FClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
9 j4 B" J  G( aHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
5 y1 f* {, l8 ]/ `0 U) _得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。: ~, @* p8 e; z
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?& a. g' p- {9 m! C2 q% ]; C) N
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。1 b$ T1 W4 I; K* r( l& |
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）$ q# T- _* v- ]! G2 d
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
$ U3 c: b: ]( ?4 i( gWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
+ K. \" ^9 g0 E5 L' N% rHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
$ `9 C* H( F- r% VBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…) y( N& ~0 [9 P3 |3 V! `: }9 i% R
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）1 m6 x( Y6 F# X
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
& z9 A  Z$ c& S2 L  o1 x+ cHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
1 t. q% p) k, q! P$ s$ L4 S) B后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。1 G. {; q  t% Q4 G6 p
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）( h5 b  z8 C4 v% n  Y1 A4 J
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
  W4 `% v, T" BLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.5 X- S; {2 Q  x1 g5 J! Y
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: s8 \0 e# t! f- G! |' \# v接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
& k4 p1 T3 v0 c2 Y9 Z4 `" r话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
" M6 u7 ]  z- s5 XHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）* H" P5 m, B+ \
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）5 B* m" F  Y& d: A9 N1 X9 B; F' b1 p
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）$ f8 e; T( p4 R( q4 q, \+ D
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
! a0 e9 ~0 }1 f( iWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
) R- L/ j, _7 U, _Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
1 p* a% b  B0 j/ FWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
0 J6 D9 X9 \- l2 I8 d7 X1 vHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
$ e( L' n  e, N5 j# G' x5 uWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
- ~! }- l7 {& H& ]% K* l# d9 `( tMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）/ b" R' x% b/ E- G# }" A- E1 I+ F
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……