《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。! r; P+ `3 @+ K% d5 _
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
! N' r9 z& I; [6 i( M3 [Holmes: I just picked it up.
2 i7 @' O  L" f1 s) ?$ zWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）2 h& s' ]. g2 x2 ~2 ]2 l
Holmes: Knew I forgot something., \: F1 ?8 n" f, F) O; N- A  X
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）0 c' W; v& I+ j  s, d" y: w
Holmes: You did.
5 D" h, C+ E* T. T2 C（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）4 r2 k5 K; d$ i6 E" O% h+ c3 l8 F
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.% P% S6 V' B% P- L
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) c# E+ C, H3 C宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。9 q1 ~3 Z5 K# t: I8 a
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.( o( S0 M% [+ u- H' n. F
Holmes: Granted.
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0 g; O& G8 Z7 Y, a( f晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
& k5 y5 ^7 s; W, f4 iWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）6 Z7 j# T' J5 q/ `2 J
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: A  C; ~& X# l/ u! V: I拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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$ B8 A" I, w. {# Q: g  ]- bWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。, t8 r* R% u! n3 r) Q( C! i
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）- Q: R4 }! w; f( u* P9 g
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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' L& D' p- i  \Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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1 E7 E$ q! _  L+ T1 w" K0 H; KIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。1 d! z, l" Q9 ^' {
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
$ L( V+ e1 q, Q5 s0 D# H4 g. }Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
. o, F: V( W1 ^( q# o  X; h3 t  Q+ G2 WHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
# E! G# u8 o- ?% CIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。4 W% ^- M' N- g, c1 D3 k
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
% r- z2 A9 h- N; x) P" ~. \Watson: Get that out of my face.+ D$ Z4 z7 `: n# T
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
" G! c+ Z. l0 t" P* `0 T* IWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
3 e: J+ P3 M+ G1 D路人警官Clarky上场。
) f5 |& v9 [' ^; J* vClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
. t# Z5 w, x# m4 Z: u. bHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）' ?$ {2 W- Z* }
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
- J' f8 J3 O6 V2 N& u5 w+ \Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?, p! W* {- O1 e$ v4 v
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
6 S" j* O& m4 x4 y（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）$ c  s; s: J3 H
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.7 H8 p! R( x# {6 L9 P2 X' V/ G/ S6 d1 Q4 x
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）7 _( P+ t5 f* R( f, z7 S
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4 T8 w$ R. |* [河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
& |3 v9 |; y1 N$ M: O' M% `  NHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
( y1 k% }  f, V, ~4 d1 s. e/ t+ j4 _& _# IBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…2 k7 l6 b6 F, k9 \( N
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
3 n5 c2 M9 `' K! J- d& C3 X/ w8 R死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
7 f- v- z% P. _8 M* B0 _# ?Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
( g% s/ x& u! x" ]: I后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。4 {9 D% E5 S" N
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
+ R$ J  c9 H6 y% xLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。" Q- {. S6 [0 J$ v  [
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
8 E0 t6 a) G1 r8 m" LHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）  `9 A0 N$ R3 u  d# J& c% l
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
! c* p  c, U2 QHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）" U, l. ~& c! R9 J9 K$ P, ~
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
. \. z. t4 W# e6 rWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）* B* Q8 i+ g: u) w" Z
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）1 L  A+ X4 h6 F& c
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）4 v3 }$ g& \# c$ v- W
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）; R6 N  V1 Y& h) I; z
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
. }' `' ?2 S; N  Q2 j9 c4 CMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）$ B: p' \" X# N4 f: `, ]
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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) i# |/ s; N3 ^总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……