《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。; m3 R6 e4 y0 F6 q( b$ Q
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）2 q0 ^, B9 k6 [
Holmes: I just picked it up.
) R0 x2 p4 A  FWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
3 n5 @* G, V/ v2 c4 _& n7 _Holmes: Knew I forgot something./ W: q7 ^. u; E2 F7 R" \0 k. V
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）. s% a. {5 B  m2 E
Holmes: You did.6 r5 A; t" ^- J5 F$ N2 i
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
5 n. I, o# F" ?# i' c  vHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。( d1 R5 g: ?! M0 e2 i
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
& ]& Y) K9 _! F% i; ^/ R) lHolmes: Granted.
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7 h5 M3 X% z+ W% Y- A晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。9 h% a! ]) e) b, w
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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+ }; J2 X: i: i& ~% T! H拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。+ y8 h. h, x5 x9 [+ M
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$ a7 ]2 R2 w1 wWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
6 ?3 d; E5 G; Z* ~8 MWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）8 W* L6 T, |  b" y: i; [; p. Q
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6 [! i6 a8 }! J1 a/ c' s- ^Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。/ [6 _8 F1 G% t$ N
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3 ?9 H0 P3 g- H/ I: H: ~, QBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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$ r3 w$ U4 l$ [Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
  G# {4 }' P9 R$ X7 Q1 m（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
( A! L$ I4 O+ TIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
1 C! a6 w) P0 W% g3 ZHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
9 s9 U3 @; f; H& M# h' IIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.+ c( o$ e& O2 K9 U  N, @0 r
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。0 x+ G5 J7 {! `7 e& N
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
% v$ p- V0 ]# pWatson: Get that out of my face.
5 K7 s) \" }" j7 T! {3 cHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand." a1 w- e; _- d
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
. `% C6 z$ Y" E) {1 ?: z路人警官Clarky上场。
& z$ Y5 I5 n" U. ~. LClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.; a$ Q2 f" H/ h$ E
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
% {6 c  G+ |# D2 E. ^8 U得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
/ R. ^" b9 j$ c- lWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?& s4 v, Y$ F, X. x) _0 n! w
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.& P$ ]% g1 p8 f3 s8 V$ b. _8 N
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2 }. n. j: U% v  Q0 _墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
* Y$ P1 b/ v3 p- n（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）1 c' e8 n2 L$ J1 e6 c! `: n
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.% `6 r) D, r5 L7 i* T$ `5 }
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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5 Q/ x4 U# r( A  O河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
1 k" P) O: k: z7 C' f- J9 b/ UHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）- X% Z5 v5 j. ?: n( R' b
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…0 y0 s' Z0 E; Y7 b
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）6 c0 P3 m" \" R
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。- f/ H! Q8 {3 S- f, P( A
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
, }# V; l7 Z/ l0 F后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。* b, w% F( ~7 C' K& |& o0 v
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）% I" n: W) z7 G/ ]( n2 X6 b; N
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1 d6 z5 ?$ {& z: S警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
  S. h/ y0 f5 m$ E- K" g# I" Y( FLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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* c4 R4 y2 V  e5 l3 G9 A接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。* \$ P5 n; ~: D# B
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。% M3 k" S7 i* H5 m
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
2 Y8 ^  O; N* F- I: G/ f! y% k2 DWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）( C% \' H( C) o4 B! F
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）6 m) z6 }! p1 r* J8 c8 S: ?. D+ |
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
( X$ L& V. g3 Q4 M" wWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
  a, n1 G/ r6 @7 b/ P: B- G$ h6 R( {Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）4 w, p, t6 a" Q: w( D! e
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
5 I$ h% F# \: E( d7 dHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）# {$ {' y! h' L2 b. U% W
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
9 y+ `$ T7 B% X+ {0 n( ]Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）6 M2 K0 r; L& M
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）) k1 \7 M) {' p2 N4 @. [% m+ U' W
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. |- c  r/ O; d总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……