《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。: D+ W) l. g# b
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" S% s1 T- b' d1 O) c1 R; l影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。: S3 B9 g5 N/ o5 Z- k
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）5 [) ]/ o, _4 }  m5 L& E
Holmes: I just picked it up.
; S; f; w3 p' s+ f# q  N) ]Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）& a% J& y: A. R
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
2 r2 W# I- l5 E: wWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）2 o+ f4 f8 R$ {
Holmes: You did.5 ^5 V! \. E: N
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
: c4 q7 A1 W. s. N; y7 mHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。2 n+ m& m' K/ R8 S1 K
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
& M* j7 V! u# V. i; i1 n% jHolmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。$ o' i8 Q) K2 {% D# [% T9 V, t
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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! O) Z6 B2 E& v! k拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。/ k5 R5 h- v( t7 i0 l
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。& G/ s: a" Y( H, P
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）. ]0 U3 m7 a( T4 w1 ?, Z, _
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。& E* Q; X2 e4 s+ Q; [6 }* P2 w
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8 |! J: o- v) H- S2 ~  P- {0 _- wBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。7 f' G/ g6 A/ j' G
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' G8 _8 x+ R2 I  a; aIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
8 z; T, x6 h  ?9 c（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）0 C" Q4 O* E& h( [( Q
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?* E* c% i8 |3 J& Z
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
# n1 U0 g/ n, a, Z/ ~Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。+ ]! J" @# j% q- R8 h8 c
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
) m( \2 k7 O9 b# E) oWatson: Get that out of my face.; \& H4 t& u# Y3 ], K7 g4 U
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
" F; s! h# u# E$ BWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.# p4 H: l# s9 r# G4 U) ]) |
路人警官Clarky上场。# U+ g& i6 O1 w5 v& W. e' z( X1 s; R
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
+ @" ]5 _2 ^( e& M7 a7 RHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）  P9 {4 v6 K" }; @( e+ K
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
) J/ H& w' k7 D1 n4 J; vWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
$ w  p. }  B) [- P3 KHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。( i, T  Y* q- N' p  d
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）7 }' q' ]; n! {8 ^0 Y+ N+ Q) g& D2 {
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.: Z; y" k% _; ]
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）. I& u. n+ F! {+ l& P1 ]4 Y
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! X' m) w( y. ~. R0 Z河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。+ V. f* Q3 d" Y' b4 c& C- H6 e
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）1 Z) p" O" b1 b0 A  D
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…& c+ K5 I/ V) W* z- |: C# g
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）& N" X9 N+ z. j5 E3 A
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
! z: z; o' u+ B6 N' KHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
( R8 m5 A, z8 O5 [, E! p2 T2 U后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
( h1 u) B  F: j7 mHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
* H' F9 Z8 L8 }# [; bLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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$ W5 m) Z/ h* B# D( H2 \接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。) i! J4 b7 Y8 ~
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。/ v( y6 i; n# h! I. u9 h
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
% F8 V6 s2 e6 J+ u; ?Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
9 m" Z) O" Y" _! t( a& N: K0 QHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
" k1 D# _: a) Z, d; M9 n/ d- |Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?  j# C) `) H( t5 H
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
8 Y- u# q  E$ F; \Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）/ ?- T9 a0 u+ q! \5 R4 v
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）/ J- p6 @* u6 P
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）- j1 L3 @: }* d' C0 h' O
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
' v! }# {9 l6 V8 v" I3 @# j  ^/ kMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
0 e2 e0 `% \! w6 C/ L8 m  b3 O（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）& U2 H0 H8 o4 @* ~0 z" ?
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& H, Z1 w+ G- d& `. u: x总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……