《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
3 V! c+ G" M- j4 |***********9 s  y( I1 h3 N5 G! ?8 V5 Q% H
1．
8 ]# J  M. z9 w6 W: `影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。& l  _3 q% k: q  B* j6 z) d3 k
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）, N7 Q& Y  f- O3 [" E6 p/ _
Holmes: I just picked it up.* J, d- d$ H$ k: Q& R5 Z. [
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）6 |) @2 i2 w5 Y6 k7 w8 s
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.( o" `; Q* Y( a- f
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）  D. j/ ]1 `" y
Holmes: You did.
( l3 c" G6 c% C% W3 K, C（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
( W/ I9 q, F" R6 p7 ZHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.' O  C  }. L! L6 J/ L
2．
' c( g9 o4 g( h6 N4 F! R) w宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。! P* H! G* _  f4 n; ?) y" o4 q
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.0 @( w4 q3 t8 R+ @, L' d
Holmes: Granted.9 v4 {+ d( @. ^4 ?3 E
3.
' L9 X, A- Y$ C: E4 A2 g) U% p) i晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。6 E/ t, j# n1 U$ x4 ?
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
  Y2 i6 J4 @5 j* [( e; w- I4．
2 t, V# b" |8 Y8 b9 a) B拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。& d9 \, M0 a# I! [+ }; E) U" U
5．
& [1 z' Q4 j, q( p  k2 X3 O% PWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
) n- c: z2 s- V1 f2 I0 k5 aWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
3 U! s0 v9 c& i% T( Z6．3 Y- E) w9 M" ~  r7 z3 Q. r- k" f
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。& `) Z/ ~! N# a( L) k
7．
5 Z, v# c& h/ b% J0 m0 F8 l2 {3 u8 o# ?Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
: `; ?  X6 u# r6 F0 r+ T8．/ q3 g, A) D. I& _" ?
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
/ z8 A' q/ p) G3 d（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
2 o% ?6 w- X# A3 B2 vIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?$ w9 z' _) t) V/ G$ ?+ |  V( b
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）$ [/ V% W* A/ X4 J# z+ T4 {$ M4 H
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
  q! |5 T2 D4 }" T9．
: f' Z7 S  [+ e+ [2 gIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。& ]$ C2 [" H! Z0 e/ e3 Z5 T% t, ?
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）% t: P8 e% b( V# q9 M2 l; K
Watson: Get that out of my face.
' i+ }7 w. J6 o" SHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
( W/ ^* E- Q, p% d* Z; O( @- o- }Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.: |  G  W+ \2 M$ e$ \
路人警官Clarky上场。: T) @% G) @, B7 d8 o" C+ z5 J
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
* C2 o8 V$ x! t( x) O" ?Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）! |% p* A+ p7 N, Q/ e& T
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
4 g1 V5 m# j3 L9 i% `6 K  XWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?- _% T+ _0 e+ S
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
  Y; O( [4 z& }) v& L5 H: b& h10.
/ [' P! y# ~  c8 T墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
# n7 M. q& q% E% m7 ?& j（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
; }# Z5 n  f. t1 ?Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
& u( s6 [2 l# e& _$ uWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
# \/ X. G" }+ n, b( h  J/ h! B11．5 K6 i4 t1 h: f" d* G' e2 }" t
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。% P1 M. O0 T3 T3 o5 x
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
. U# k0 W+ ]: C0 lBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…  r6 m  ]. r8 {$ F1 \( e% I" j
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
! D6 O( U7 j, F. h& ?; C0 \死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。. M; ^! ~! k& L) i) L, E/ F
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
2 _1 o1 Z& K3 }0 _% ]* f后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。, t2 j6 v# D7 I- A. Q; Q' J5 v! `
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）3 p0 g6 u6 B+ D" l) f9 j. B
12．
0 U) r# \. ]$ j警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。7 H) w8 @) k0 u) F& Z
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.4 H0 ?7 e0 y, h4 K$ K, ?- N/ I
13.: d. x: o, s4 J3 G
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。- R% k) |0 n( w  u1 I$ G! ]0 l
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
: E7 y4 k" T. ]: v: R! Z3 Y1 ]! @+ [! nHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）) i. B- ^" _6 }3 _9 q6 D# b
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
3 ^* y  C; L5 z9 j$ G3 OHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）* u' @9 |* ^' V8 A% ]% G8 `6 q: y. |
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?0 r" Q8 N: L; n4 ~0 g
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）' J* i% |% }% X3 r. B
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
' E$ k5 ^; I9 z: {( |* ?7 BWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）& ?/ x6 m6 F, }- X
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
# M" ?  ~$ Z- [& k3 N- ]( JWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）7 S: V: b0 @% c- t6 ?3 ]
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
, y# ]( @; R; q; Z! @/ K+ i) O( j% t（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）2 ]0 D- z9 y8 {: O5 U- c( V! o  X
***********6 O) Q  s: x* g- s% l+ I; \
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……