《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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  }5 \2 W$ X# Q影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
- j0 c& {) Q# VWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）! T' b1 C( x1 t, H- J  \: ~
Holmes: I just picked it up.
3 m$ F  z( W9 RWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）$ I  f$ N1 ]5 z% i6 c# u$ D3 v
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.) `& B8 P: q" i4 {" v  S% @) v
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）5 Q1 e/ ]7 n5 ]- k2 Q
Holmes: You did.. H9 i# L( i1 t, f
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）4 X. g0 c7 I# Z6 z2 G
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all." m7 p/ R0 I  z3 H# L  Q6 c
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。' q' @! }4 j3 x2 C
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
: Z% L/ c2 _# d+ _Holmes: Granted.
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. B3 r- c" i$ E# S4 r" S3 H* Q晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
5 x9 O" M- m' I" e% AWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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+ t( H8 L. S. m2 d2 p/ P拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。. A$ k) Q% `& n$ |7 Y
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。6 f* |' Z( C4 e6 R
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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6 [4 U  i8 v$ W. G  [' h+ H. \; ~Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。) @: H) t% x- v/ i3 h
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。2 A+ q! v) r& [& s) H7 ]
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
: `: G1 ^+ Y7 K$ o7 E- |9 [Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
, I: Z% O2 v& P' E9 F0 |) OHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）% s/ a0 ^5 [) d
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.' a1 ^$ O5 B9 q' }8 r9 k; G
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. [6 z, Z5 [6 N# Z4 `6 _. XIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。0 g: b& b8 b9 T  }$ ~. }& N
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
5 v( `/ h+ r  g1 z- a# f3 dWatson: Get that out of my face.3 ]' o) }9 y/ L# H6 ?. M
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
6 N( z" n1 [, ~! b) D+ EWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.0 R# K6 z/ k) U: x
路人警官Clarky上场。
* G% P) s" X8 o9 H! gClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
# V* z6 j$ K) O* w4 r9 ~9 E6 C' bHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）4 n2 D8 Q  u: F& B2 \6 X* Y+ O
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
4 G8 c! `$ b) ^! C+ Z. `$ EWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
! j0 M( Q0 C: ~7 b8 IHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
( i8 o5 X# L4 R* ^( J+ l（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
% O. z4 c/ b6 IHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely." P( y" H. ^6 \4 E
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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$ C/ k& [4 p! C/ D0 J河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
  ]: K0 B. r* c/ r( SHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
4 m5 ~+ U- p$ h: A3 mBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…8 M6 I4 I2 C+ D$ T* r
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）0 j( O/ O$ S! M0 b, j2 z
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
' K' v5 R+ q3 @" Y3 }) NHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
+ Y0 r) B3 _5 o后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
% k* I2 k3 Z: k6 H% W+ g  }Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）! a8 N2 G% Q$ S0 d# s% Z) U& s( A
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4 W  y  n6 h% V& \# j警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。- u" c7 ~% C2 c6 u+ P7 V7 x, ]4 o6 j+ S
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.5 l3 y# d% F$ I' G$ I$ B* X
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。2 M3 i1 _# b) A0 d
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。9 |; d2 k9 i' t/ h
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）, c6 F, z6 T( G
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）; W- o% n/ i7 C: n* R/ {
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）3 x- Z0 ~) K  Y8 F$ D5 e7 [
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
! G7 V' m/ L7 f# d+ e3 bWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）) G4 h3 U+ r9 _6 Z0 [- |
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
8 s+ x& v1 D$ N9 q9 ^; K' d. hWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）2 w8 S7 {  a7 c( ^( F" L7 ]
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）# b: {& v, c, m. p6 t7 a
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
0 ~- U+ [8 A8 L) S& jMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
) a! u1 A4 T+ ?（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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0 Q5 _# h! {* A9 i5 e总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……