《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。9 b. F' H3 G$ t% F2 x3 A! H
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7 o6 z! h) N' V6 n1 W* R6 R' J( _影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。6 `0 E  z: _; o$ h2 O
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
4 x% K8 k' }% u  v. \Holmes: I just picked it up.
8 u; ^! W0 r6 d1 Y) {$ O6 j% [& u0 ?Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
. @2 R9 z; S8 j" z  b4 PHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
" y; H# W% u  ?  w) i5 g" ]( lWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）9 _) S( v" C5 @6 |
Holmes: You did.7 D3 d! Y% L( @2 O
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
# Z/ A- C2 G( r- ?1 `. QHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.2 j" Z$ [" b% @
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9 l1 s* D$ d( K5 ~& @/ R宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。/ K) s9 f( I& D% b% C9 @8 f7 g
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.& g* W- U; h. V
Holmes: Granted.$ y/ d+ j% T6 O! _6 w
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' W5 ]" V- r: F& G6 [# X晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。6 l, i9 {4 _1 G/ r9 w5 O# K- e  _
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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7 @; ]$ k$ P* k! y; R; `, ?8 K3 PWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。  S7 y8 ]  `/ z$ N- O
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）9 C5 Y& Z4 w/ H
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, S" Z% i/ f3 o  ]Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
; e/ i* ?" r# F, o（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
# l$ k0 K1 S$ d" `$ ], HIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
2 d( y$ N. t: H. bHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）9 k( S  i: Y$ T+ ^1 \
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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1 r9 }5 v% ]2 |; O: e% g/ gIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
- Y" u; y8 |- R5 m0 CHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
, f7 k; D: l( e5 v8 zWatson: Get that out of my face.
& H7 W& K4 F4 N: T. xHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.  ]) U. w: z) j
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
; z5 k! X- p3 r路人警官Clarky上场。! D/ t- n! W3 z1 \2 \" V% y
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
0 H2 g( s, f! N$ R8 z/ `Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
: B# b6 e. L0 T得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。! z) @& Z/ i9 ?; o. K* j4 h! t
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
  {- X3 F# ~+ SHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.: a4 _: f2 N- t* B4 S  a
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。3 }) L1 K% ?5 H% @& q. Q1 d* u! B. |
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）6 U  J9 a$ Q1 A! }
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.% I) t# Z1 E& z, C" P# x
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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: g2 x; Q; W9 b/ C: v河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。; |, y, c" u: N
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）. O: z3 b3 _" y% E* k. z
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
' w: H  U6 W3 U- l5 j) h) \: a0 NWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
) h- T2 Z8 {, Q$ l死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
. f0 Q" U& v0 l% `9 w. H" tHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
+ A3 {5 {1 T+ @, Z9 `, R/ O后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
/ V, a6 N5 r4 Q$ r7 j. HHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）( M2 a9 j4 @' e* w
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) W' c: Q9 O6 ]! u$ M警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。; ^/ K% L; Y/ E
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.; T5 l+ U+ w. h, c5 F! s+ D0 i
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2 C& R% q7 @5 _; }9 O接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。9 K& q$ I, a+ M' t9 o7 E3 ~# f/ f
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。9 y" s" j' R8 L+ S, `" W
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）, g; K7 D- |/ E. L; Z
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
5 x# p, C' ]  n9 z5 P6 q) qHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）" M% v! u( u' C: Z. f. A0 @
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
- Y+ |1 |- P' HWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）1 V$ d% R  Q3 q+ Q) s) I9 w( @
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
' F3 d9 B0 v$ L( n" p$ w' NWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）- n3 M% ?4 U. N7 d0 n& a
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
) {% Z- z0 Z& S! F( ?Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
& h' O( ]+ f8 Z; RMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
! x7 m. I3 d7 S* J3 y（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……