《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。$ d8 p. t, O  t
***********, |1 n* T5 H/ l: n+ J. V! ?- l
1．4 b# o  h; P* v, u
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。  c& {  ?8 y) @5 z
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
/ P1 J. R3 E: s  H' l7 HHolmes: I just picked it up.
( H: F, p) E8 d- r) p& `% `Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）! f5 l# ?) ?! |% v  e; ?
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
0 Q) R5 v/ ~/ q5 O! M+ v  ^Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
! ?! v. w$ T& L4 LHolmes: You did.
$ P6 i9 V2 f/ Z* I（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）& Y4 w2 L3 t3 m' \
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
6 Y1 F; M" ?0 r: j2．* d; ?6 _9 G' r! U1 a" m
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。4 R% W  R: c  F* m8 y
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
/ @' G& H7 Z' XHolmes: Granted.! L, q- m$ r& k1 W  E. O
3.  f7 U  z& ^8 J8 f. d0 U
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
# n, x; Y! f6 h/ t" W: ^3 NWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）% s6 E0 X- }( W( C
4．/ K0 |& \$ a# t) o9 [- ?
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。  m1 a, W- Q* V) t: ]) h) I4 w6 H
5．
5 }2 O) z& W1 DWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。" m& @: B6 F0 u* V' @) _/ K+ b
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）; H' _+ d  U  D( Z3 r' h! ^
6．
0 T$ s: c; K+ L/ \/ WHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。6 ]& _' }/ o: Y  T3 M  K0 v/ J
7．
# J4 {1 ~- N. ~4 CBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
7 u8 ~( S) i  o5 a  Q5 b9 c8．
9 C- ^: }. [* c0 W( N0 VIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
% g4 ^. U* B3 S  P- b" M（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
$ z( r. h' j4 M, E  o4 {Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?( Y7 T* N$ i% b+ _5 o
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
. y+ e5 X4 B/ e3 z/ `5 ~Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.7 G5 ^- I# H! q$ m8 ~- D
9．$ N4 S9 N# Y- F: t& S
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。! C5 w; j1 W, n% x  Z
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）& X! P! m% G" m! Y. h( u" D
Watson: Get that out of my face.) V3 J, l3 ]5 i3 Z
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.( `' N7 \- i4 z6 I
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
0 g7 ?/ o, A# f3 w# M: Y( I路人警官Clarky上场。- q, \8 y6 t, {4 F! G
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
& J5 K  j$ a$ w/ X1 S, E: \9 QHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
/ U# ~9 H( }, ]7 D+ x得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
  T4 j5 ]1 b$ }9 X1 K4 Q. r' p: bWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?1 R/ q7 w- K" H( u; K0 J
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not., ~7 p. q3 }* M( U2 b; J3 \/ g! [
10.0 W' S4 u$ n2 z
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
3 m  s4 n7 Q& S: [+ Y# c6 p（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
% `' L( j: Z0 ~3 F$ oHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
5 z" S9 ?0 d4 ]7 d* a* p7 XWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）) W" ?7 B, r8 E9 L- o* O1 Y$ J2 V/ C
11．9 C! s9 M, B9 ?' B
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
- [: ~3 P+ {+ ?7 h% P* ^; KHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）3 x7 r% N3 y# X
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…/ E# Y4 ?, Q  f/ a2 o! Z
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
1 |$ W; _, q4 o+ W死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
+ O( i* ]$ j$ S+ d8 SHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
; o" N: P3 J8 F" X6 e后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
5 d, |( P1 F8 T1 X6 EHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
* R6 O# c, V$ n, A6 ~/ {' K* G12．9 l; N( G3 k  m2 n. o
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
6 [. R+ c! t" \& i$ N* d2 TLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.5 H8 ^( A* Q" M4 A
13.( X. U2 J, c4 @/ C: Z# _' ~
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。  h. O8 p, H* f) ~
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。, X, y& ?* z% u: j6 g. {9 C
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
) n- |) i6 V0 a& X- g5 mWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）$ c, e& C+ o* |6 x+ v
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
( C" I3 g' a' y/ ]" J) M6 Z/ }Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
  m1 }6 ~2 ]- N: ~4 @2 ]1 PWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
% b7 Q: k# D( l: ~. CHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）! E; y+ E0 E& e# l
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）6 W/ \( f% s& B' u8 @6 E# `
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
9 R* ?# T9 Y% O( `" NWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）6 p- I; g, ?  }$ f) v
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
5 t7 I( z% F7 x6 i8 @, Y( C1 |( x（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）5 J% x5 k: o5 I2 M6 m  p! h' L
***********
, B3 M# m. e% E总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……