《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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' @2 {5 P+ ?! ^; [* E影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
! O( S: y" _; lWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）+ b# d, V. D! z7 \
Holmes: I just picked it up.
6 T4 `0 p, j9 P7 n3 L" [Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
( L( \7 Q* U- _Holmes: Knew I forgot something.+ o* `- N6 R3 c$ q- v* _. k! H
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）$ Z& Z" t8 g. j) ~# k
Holmes: You did., s1 w' y& m4 B+ w
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）* ]; g" r, C0 N, U2 `
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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8 p7 H$ D) M% N) b宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。& w7 W( o+ m5 P- c
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
; q( a! n+ g" q4 |Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
4 f! ~& E: `0 i1 S( K" sWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）2 N( H/ Z9 @, q( Z% A. \
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。; D: z  w$ {: e  Z. o
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. G2 t' j3 c' P+ {Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
7 E* F6 T% E+ L7 c9 f0 fWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）0 E3 p; o) r5 Q; M$ A8 d  D
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。5 L6 [  a, i) @2 I
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1 B/ b/ O9 m$ A. VIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?  R+ ]( b$ t4 ?4 G$ E' I( ~' F
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）+ _+ H% H% Z6 k
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
; z! p% `9 M) HHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
+ T; R- l0 @9 f- p/ A. FWatson: Get that out of my face.
9 o% b& g* R; y5 d0 Z/ AHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
9 w6 M7 X* X2 m) K( a. \+ @9 f& I) B1 ^Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
) F* D9 j5 S: h" U路人警官Clarky上场。' ]8 M8 U" s, g4 K
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
- Y& C: o$ `# a. G: HHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
" `; |$ Q9 K3 w) Z& B得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
' M& K: X5 a- @! |2 zWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
  A. e; r" G. c  o5 YHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.' q* Y9 ^4 b/ R0 h7 R7 I' o/ _, u
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  ?+ f% b8 P) D  I墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。9 y5 }" e- o* d$ u. X: f
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）' S8 ^- ~' l3 W- @: {
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.. N8 S9 p* z; A& {" a% J
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）1 C8 f; p/ ~4 m9 T
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
/ s5 }$ W& {* [& r& c6 EHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
+ M5 B6 j3 X/ T; kBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…. a9 j, Y) {& }; N+ e4 @' ^
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）. Z  w9 U; {, m; w% @8 g" h- `* t
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。. ~7 f% k9 O% U+ w
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
5 H) v! _- {2 I; Y后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
( z; s2 L& p# }$ I$ zHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。3 ^1 A0 V) s1 X7 \) ^
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。2 j" Q  S/ L$ v7 N: V# J% B1 o8 f
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。; P8 p3 @# ?/ o5 ]
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）& V6 Q& p9 ]8 {
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）8 X, A7 I7 {! D# @
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
* W% }; G: a+ W: i  \* HMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?: G+ x% K7 @5 N5 d
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
" f; H  x% k2 p# PHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
  s, [1 T0 h+ qWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
% R/ p" }) Z4 Z2 pHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
- O# Q1 |8 K2 A) V) sWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）. g% ~: D0 M8 a7 \" N+ y. h. i
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
! H2 i  y/ U' ~2 z4 Z$ z! p3 Y" ^（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）, R6 |4 m# l) x3 `9 n% o
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" l. }4 S( \" I8 f3 `$ x' w总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……