《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。" |) V! |% J4 R! l9 |) X& E9 b$ |; b4 r
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。; \$ F, f, s+ k4 e, j  s) K) j2 _
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
  E4 X; q9 p6 _, @5 q* t5 _Holmes: I just picked it up.
, V# R4 `( c, |1 xWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）: o! ~$ ?. x  a: z( H, f8 b
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.8 k: ~" f6 \. w. v: G
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
% }9 O7 O6 Y, ?( A" l& E9 `Holmes: You did.
, J: ~- ~8 v6 ?+ M3 H, E# B5 R6 B（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）0 U0 }- M; ~1 @8 a, w3 x% h1 u
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.9 u, m6 P  |3 A1 e
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: t: v4 A9 ^! ~: o5 O% t3 L  C宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。7 R/ n# O! e6 E7 u& u# j& l
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
- T3 v+ O. l' }7 f; M. {Holmes: Granted.) _8 X- Q( C) T& ~( ]- |) H: c
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" C4 U0 T0 T2 h* r% k; P9 b6 m% j晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。5 G6 f* u* m3 U# Q' U
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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) {  n: u8 ^2 P- |* X拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
( y1 w: ?. z6 A; UWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）3 W' |$ s8 @) P* P7 _$ p; y# [
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。" e8 m: w# J; h3 C+ }
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+ L* j+ d2 D7 [, [Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。) z" B' Y5 K% _$ B
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' M% W# J9 ~& E3 B+ X; ]' PIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。" b% y0 C& f( f- v
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
% l" V; @1 p; r# u+ XIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?9 n1 e/ c/ Y: i) [7 v  F% ?! O! c# U
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
- M' T( L% L- o8 j3 v0 X; HIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.1 h2 r' s& D- Z4 A( v
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5 S7 `5 _9 g' g5 ?7 i# [0 P# TIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
" @0 t$ n0 X. t5 SHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
  p  P/ j1 O& X: Q* qWatson: Get that out of my face.* b& Q2 y' s2 S
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.0 D9 ^$ S3 ~/ F
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.8 Y$ @2 p) j8 N4 I  Q0 C
路人警官Clarky上场。
: l" R2 d' Z3 I* K) I/ M$ vClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.5 A; ~9 o2 e' Z, E. c
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）; y' Q$ w7 J4 z9 F1 P
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
2 [6 B, F. k- p4 `. {# fWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
. }+ \0 c6 x. p* P2 PHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.* W' T8 U! m  V# g: F$ c. }0 a  u
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) I- [4 P; c3 b5 G墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
6 m/ a8 d6 I8 X+ x4 j0 ?: z（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
% J4 C$ @& }! L- M/ {Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
6 s- h6 {: E9 a' ^# }* h5 p$ v* k+ EWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。+ y8 }9 q9 L- N; _
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
+ Z3 U1 B0 p9 f* xBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
; f  S4 Z/ _  ~Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）6 Z- f8 s  v1 n$ Y+ Q8 _) W# d3 J- A
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
7 u) H( `6 ]$ r0 e# q* T& nHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
: ]% U; L# O" B+ n/ p后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
. w2 I* B/ T+ g$ U' GHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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- f- Y# p, U) g1 \0 u1 [* j警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。: t2 W" ]# p4 Z2 m; G
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
. I6 m. X+ d* I/ \# ]话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。+ D' }# _4 |5 j$ p
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）9 V& Q1 F5 |; D  w! }: I3 w2 a
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
( U8 O$ I4 |. `+ P& tHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）7 B0 T2 z" Y. e. b
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?, j" J( G/ o6 O* q4 |, f* e' H- u* @
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
/ X9 c2 I- t5 u1 K9 `: S# ^1 CHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）6 D* T- y4 i' \$ i' M8 }; ]6 r2 k
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）! F+ h3 ]- S' B! x: O5 S" z  Y
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
- H1 N  F# j( A1 R) Q1 a4 p9 ^# xWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
  z; U  S+ w$ R4 @Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
1 P. r# n. u; ?* S+ }（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……