《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。; q$ Q& _- P8 G  F
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。: o- R% w" N: f: m- B& d' |0 R
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
. N" K8 E" u7 `. [$ Z, t/ q3 C) i% SHolmes: I just picked it up.4 I9 F9 F7 n0 H4 F# n, A& [
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
! r8 Z' V" x5 W# _6 R: d% mHolmes: Knew I forgot something.5 b* \  Y- F/ ?* M3 ]
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
& C% d, Q: |: D( c4 L! ^' THolmes: You did.
1 S( F$ ?5 X4 F0 b# G（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
) V; [+ l2 r9 V0 s6 |Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.5 y1 V5 L& Q6 _2 Y& F
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. }2 U/ w, Q- D0 p1 a9 V, Z宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。0 q4 ]1 u+ r  w: s* T
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
$ n' G: D$ w  [# j4 r' w, p8 vHolmes: Granted.! N! T# e$ G" B' c3 d$ o: t9 B
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。9 T: ~) i, ~1 s6 z; a
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）% I5 e4 R: ^" x2 J4 `
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8 [  i! T$ t2 H拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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% J  [. D( i3 B) N7 lWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。7 C' v( g1 a; V
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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' A) R# ~1 q. h' ]Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。2 w3 h# V( H. a0 w. P9 l
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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2 j1 ]4 G- ?7 s$ lIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。9 q) U+ d. V3 D" \: U
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
) |" ]# V3 U1 _) ~9 l' ^' hIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
5 g2 `) H6 N* O  Z$ m, K9 r4 W8 lHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）6 s- _. a6 D  g7 @/ s' R6 p: Y
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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: e" V4 Z0 D' d2 u+ o4 _Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
8 ?' j9 w) i( m$ {Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
, g& j. N/ }9 n* E* M2 f. sWatson: Get that out of my face.
( U+ Z1 Y( T2 @6 K1 pHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
9 f7 D) N+ t, M6 eWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
1 U' J+ M8 F. b! W2 E$ u( O路人警官Clarky上场。$ c5 c5 i, f- r& M
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
, Q' W8 ~( \. s- SHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）; i6 A  _. B% d: u6 v8 J! k0 G
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。4 c, B5 f/ {% |, e
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
+ W9 H8 w7 \9 g# |' V. N- U; NHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。0 d. w2 t; |3 ~0 ?$ W- ?! B0 E
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
1 A- |# _& s- ^0 g$ }9 PHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
, F  K# P3 A+ P7 t5 y3 H5 MWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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( m: `" ?( r5 w) @6 o1 M河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
( s8 e" Z) q$ i9 i- JHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）* j8 s" P6 r, {  X7 {
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…+ }; E* U( N% m1 c6 m) m: }1 S
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）0 u  J) f( V$ l0 N/ [
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
; W& ]: m. \' x+ R! J& PHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）- G9 m% Q, K% {- n
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。- ]; o/ \5 @2 G$ e9 ]  a" q
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）4 b8 M5 Q+ X$ B, ]0 j9 `1 Q5 ]
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。; {8 x' P, Q1 C! _3 R5 `* x
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
; M9 k* @1 h" f+ c, P% a话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。5 m# e8 J; W8 |. |
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）2 \: c& i3 k: o# ?
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）1 n% H5 c5 v( t( ]7 A' L6 @
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
% c3 K0 z" u6 ]# t- VMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?, h# ^5 {2 m4 r7 B& t6 x7 q
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
- M! ^9 U4 w4 V+ b9 D: j# w& DHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）4 B; _9 v3 O! u0 i$ E
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
' }3 R1 u& R& ~& ~Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
7 C% o4 j4 {: y+ R& yWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）* B, U8 l9 d- I. Q$ `
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）# Q( C# d3 l) g- c  S& x
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……