《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。( N0 I- S$ z7 j
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。8 z$ `( u7 i( N
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）7 p, I* i1 B; ]/ ?
Holmes: I just picked it up.
$ ~, O+ a# g5 L, z% t5 g8 ?9 ~" rWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）! g7 X5 V4 c6 v5 T0 v( X
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.0 Z( B5 H1 F  q6 E8 C
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）% @$ k" m3 N* J. b
Holmes: You did.
' f; m  G8 [, Y' W* D) v（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
1 k7 j. q: s$ [! ~. Q/ k3 vHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
2 O8 Z( y% v" U: pWatson: Permission to enter the armory.0 V. k; n7 e; N: T# V) `6 _
Holmes: Granted.3 \; h4 l6 l, Z# h
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( v! I& I8 [' @6 M# }晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。7 Y5 I' V; O5 s; R: r
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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( E. a# ~1 \/ g& v9 w% L拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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" `( e# `& i& Y5 x  P, W; zWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
$ O) w+ F( L% N( EWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）2 w9 C/ g* \' ~# h$ \! @
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3 g% a; i0 W% V4 p, K" UHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。1 U0 m. c4 k; g1 U# |# Q. u
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  }* ~& N# H3 _& s7 z$ lIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
$ M; o3 t# p! q& X( D' v/ M（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
& e# l, ]% R4 g7 W* `Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
( o% C. P0 N+ ~9 a) n8 uHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）% Z, N. `; z+ M1 q
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
! j$ C7 Y: j/ ?! b+ q: NHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）. z& d. L1 J2 z$ h  R8 y
Watson: Get that out of my face.+ [  y! w7 g; U+ d/ H2 l
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.+ K6 M, F9 E! P  b- i  F
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.: }" b% o& L' e1 a# T* V
路人警官Clarky上场。
6 F/ J. c! T* o# C5 w) t$ aClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
1 W, j% W2 Z4 M, a8 _3 r0 F2 |! W3 t, GHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）* [" e5 Y( w+ X$ p+ W, M* r
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
5 Z; T5 x! c) a$ t  L6 h" ZWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?" G4 m& z. X8 o$ G/ h
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
; Q! N. ?3 ?. [$ x: X! C（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）; P& x! p/ f* R5 r% \7 M8 \
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.7 p" x+ V& @. ~! o2 K5 w! @- {
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）: @8 ~$ T, {1 E
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
$ q6 t- V. }. N. }' D3 ?( O2 PHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）/ a* e6 d" V; t2 G/ j/ k
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…( ^! h! E9 o+ E) I. I  @* w
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）6 J5 p1 `; I+ x
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。! j# D% i# O* P3 S/ W, q' {
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）+ }7 k2 P0 N8 G9 H5 D: l' q8 X4 i3 O
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。( Q# C9 D" b) \  v& ?( q$ p* t
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）+ ?6 k  K/ J( h* ?( g
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5 }/ B) W5 h4 _' B  Y6 N2 u警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。+ y# a1 Z2 l2 ^) }/ g/ c3 @: r
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing./ S3 G# C9 q6 J. |
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
) |+ ]9 M+ o3 r, U8 D& p4 ~$ G话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
/ g- h. x+ q7 i/ d6 Y* s/ v4 O) tHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）2 F( ]9 M3 Z1 h! ], E9 [" C* W
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）9 ~7 s- k5 L+ i
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
5 P+ K7 n, k* J) S6 _5 Q1 r% pMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
. S0 T& u" `2 BWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
: ?8 |, x  ]$ h+ K9 LHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
0 `8 P+ M: d8 JWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）+ q7 F0 j- m' @  s+ A
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）: a; k( d, u5 M6 D" d+ d& `; D( t
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
* l& y6 Z5 Y( p/ Q/ i0 e5 {2 J5 P6 rMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）* m* J' J/ u  A- y+ s* o$ H' A
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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1 G$ P7 \; V5 \8 e. K$ W总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……