《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。! _& v' ?8 \0 `
***********" j7 q' R* G+ M3 J* }. [0 w
1．* K/ b0 K- U4 o: M! m7 ]: R
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
( d! c; z7 ~% M  M) @$ eWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）9 |8 U" ~' y, c
Holmes: I just picked it up.
8 u  q: f" M: [" d# [! h7 D4 n' R) @Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
: Y* R; I$ L0 {Holmes: Knew I forgot something.0 a0 B) Z$ w* P4 m- {
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
1 m& Q3 T5 ]6 h0 y2 `Holmes: You did.
3 s% g# V  U* p% f- v（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
" p% Q) J& I4 p: R2 tHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
6 o! R5 T3 w! I' x2．
" j2 v+ b+ R, l: k# Y7 C. g) p宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。& F8 Z! T( s8 I! X$ v( z  d8 F
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.. {4 |; f0 Q- ~" b8 O2 @
Holmes: Granted.* k6 o7 d6 P* c5 B
3.. |# r8 P8 d% J/ E, a( @0 g7 H3 P
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
5 q7 q; \; e8 kWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
* L( b0 o* E7 C# W9 C, Y4．
. M( N/ M+ \0 f) h; p& m5 J- w* x拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。5 q# E- Q+ {$ N' V3 z, Q
5．& @5 ^) G: O0 S/ J- |0 S$ X
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
% R/ n0 z+ q: H% iWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）/ Y7 r. \, [0 O7 p
6．  ?9 q: K) |7 e
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
; D  X. G, X8 D+ v5 _7．$ y) K; E: t! P8 o& U1 R# Z  b
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。) G( \8 S5 |7 C: {; p; A4 h% q
8．" P, e  i3 w# m+ F5 m# v8 m
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
4 H4 x7 C. L! A0 R, Q, V! G. ?0 d（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）0 }  m5 S; ^  N3 U# L: y2 n
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?$ h. O: G: S4 U7 q6 y% ?
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
! ?# K' l: {5 a6 LIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
- J) N: O4 c3 h9 l& C9．
9 b& m# n7 O2 E3 }) a5 BIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
. S1 s$ `$ W3 ZHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
; j$ _' m! j$ W& MWatson: Get that out of my face.
: w6 C6 H; T/ P# WHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.) j& Z. L) j. W4 M9 g- V
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
) m" U& c2 {) |; g& H路人警官Clarky上场。
3 Q% @3 k* m1 o( M: v* ]  z/ AClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.8 C6 Y! u- e  r
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
" B4 G* G2 N' Z5 p9 Y得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。" w2 V# X' M0 f& J' b
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?+ y! q2 N, r; [7 Z7 C# U; k
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
. _% ^% N* Q8 U: N) v' V10.8 V8 S4 {+ `8 z+ D7 b
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。( u! x7 F  i3 E( d
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）% T0 D/ @2 {4 l- J+ T6 ~
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
# b& b, B: o& r; r7 TWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
/ _$ O4 h/ N$ Q" l11．
& f+ B& \3 T; m* R, S河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。1 m$ i! r# }- A2 q
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）4 q8 ]7 g9 R/ `! |* g+ j
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…4 h) K5 G4 J7 `$ E
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）/ V2 [  c3 `+ y4 l! ?$ O% f
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。  M9 D) [) O% K% M$ p% C
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
( y  z& s( D; X% H4 [+ u- z后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。! r, ~+ ~, G3 v8 [' v  M$ j
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）: f# Z1 ]9 S/ t( r- Y( i
12．
$ q% z% o1 O# d  ?  v0 @警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
% N1 I: j2 S! I* }$ [Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.8 _, }( c' k, |9 k. _6 X9 ]7 `
13.; Z8 ~0 a: F) k# v) Z
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。! q# e( a1 Z. }5 R6 O% s4 S
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。: U$ N+ N+ d8 U$ V  ^! o. [
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
) ~' m9 K+ U& A7 a, CWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）$ u! k3 \) B( M3 X' F2 \$ K! G
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
* Q9 M1 r9 E  I/ Y& f: v  v2 lMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
2 o5 Q, Q7 a' P1 M  A5 eWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
' T  D! o8 J) @2 B5 Y: N) gHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）. v: G4 Y% _1 K  G) L! I
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）3 K, s4 g: }8 i- z# x. o2 D
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）! N+ p6 c* f$ d1 A
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
+ s2 k: [0 g4 y" i, m. i/ zMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
0 M, E% b7 z, t# w/ B（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
' G9 z5 k% ]: ]! N7 L* o% ^***********! m- u+ e$ f; l- b' ~
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……