《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。1 ~$ r6 h) a! U/ z4 B8 a; s
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  _( C9 ]/ Y7 i' A- }' `2 T影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。1 K3 R. u. C4 g' b( p9 }
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
5 j) C- N: Q7 c0 E0 C. N2 sHolmes: I just picked it up.' v* c8 j9 t2 p4 l
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
) T" j6 v& k+ s0 LHolmes: Knew I forgot something." G/ I1 \2 B! S& }
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
, B1 A; L) ^; Q! Y, O4 w& a& oHolmes: You did.( x& |$ R# M4 ?+ ]4 k6 T
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
  _! K' K% A( @& D$ KHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.$ |" V0 F* W+ b* i
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
/ u  L9 m8 N/ Z* a0 I# S* RWatson: Permission to enter the armory.1 W) k  |& Z- c: A( ], j
Holmes: Granted./ P) `' H& `' d, r& M  D
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。# ~+ P. l, e- J/ `6 Z) n& f/ i
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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9 B, T- y8 a+ ]& ^: T/ O6 h拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
8 i1 b5 f" W% E0 f8 ]4 I1 A- XWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）, L7 U& a% J. S2 Q2 W* ]
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$ v5 m! ]4 s0 A- {  }7 R6 rHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。9 r7 V! T1 X8 K- n) \5 K
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6 t' C; X0 K/ m6 p0 OBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。- B6 ]) q) a" k: g9 |
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
' J3 B9 M- ^* _' O( B' D; K（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
% A, X* ^  C1 W6 M: FIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
4 C0 \) ?5 r- z, w; b% M. Z# i! JHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）4 y4 V# ^/ Z1 w4 u( Z
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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% k& u% [2 _2 ]% v0 ]7 GIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
2 O: O2 p# t! N. v/ ?Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）4 n' v& N4 o5 U/ r8 A3 l* P
Watson: Get that out of my face.- X5 E* b# y+ V5 |- i5 O
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.- t1 V8 j3 J/ r2 p3 x
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
9 x- N) {' h: z7 q# g# o% H! B1 v/ T路人警官Clarky上场。. @1 Y7 Q# y6 v
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.1 K' n0 L; Z4 l3 {6 o9 X& W. ~' m
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
/ O9 V" @- V  m/ z. I8 y. c! o得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。6 ?* Q, r+ e5 a0 a0 p
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?* J# i: u/ G5 Z
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.# K0 t5 M- b- a% |3 v# p
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。% X# l) C) f; `2 o
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）$ T: r3 n2 U) t
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
  U4 X; s- }, D3 Y: sWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）0 {! h6 l7 Q# a+ ~2 i6 L' ?
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+ \# y" `$ b( F# a) u河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
5 l: [( G! b# I% a$ o; ?( [Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）, p/ x! }8 k0 j
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…& T' ?) ], w% _' {& k# X
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）* e& v& T" f; q
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
+ K5 z- G% _8 g( lHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
  a: V; a* F2 s) V后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。, R6 S. r8 a5 L7 `' M4 H( M
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
3 E4 ~& g) l, V3 l& x$ ^Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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* E! \: u0 M/ W9 A, F8 b接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。! B' m4 I2 @- h2 {, A* B
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。7 t7 V* a5 i2 }
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）/ g4 g# J: p( {( J  I8 h: p
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
2 g3 ^/ {/ R  h3 Z0 S. }; S2 ZHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）+ v, }# g- L1 [. I, t+ w- \! y
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?6 l+ g" ~' ~+ b( }  N
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）8 m! w* n! F$ B0 n' B
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）( T& e. X" B" m( E
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
& |0 B+ U' `, jHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）$ G0 g  f2 D9 _' j3 u$ F7 Q1 F2 F& d
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
- D9 f; s* a9 L4 q' t* c( ^Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
  L! i& A3 ?" h4 W（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……