《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。$ O" J! ?& q  Z4 q% {
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）9 x0 z/ |! V: u6 W# M% d
Holmes: I just picked it up.
0 I8 c8 L4 [' t% B  L' z+ xWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
, r" F. y7 ?) R$ k3 V% q- Z1 H' \Holmes: Knew I forgot something.  \& J# z* L4 g& n8 c# J
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
5 f1 I4 [9 w% v2 G5 ?Holmes: You did.& i! _( ^0 O3 D) m. w1 {
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
0 m8 o7 O; O' \( yHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
- A4 g6 J' y, ]" I8 o# rWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
* \2 h4 `$ R* Y% g8 k5 g2 r* wHolmes: Granted.# q3 t6 o% J4 b, g- R
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
1 t, g, }  ?/ A( RWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）6 V$ D  W7 o! @; @$ z: d4 w, |
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0 _4 W! a6 j+ \) d2 M拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。" H, o, J' D0 k$ j* b7 r
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) S3 x# w- @) I. I$ B) EWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
1 @& m, F. Y. m# _0 ?8 HWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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! @/ Z& L' r' uHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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% ~+ y" V: J1 h+ ?Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。8 l7 R" _4 g; O, T" D; f
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
: a- a  l+ ?+ \Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
3 I) X: N) ~0 pIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope., f3 ~* h- P  S9 M; H' s
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
; @, u/ a; S* R3 M7 U3 IHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）" q* N% O3 P$ ?# ?+ b' i
Watson: Get that out of my face.* _+ S3 V7 g/ Z5 e* v4 Z+ }+ |9 l
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
  w* R0 Y2 [" M7 u8 ]' j8 v" x/ ]Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
2 n8 `) S" Y* ~% [8 {4 a路人警官Clarky上场。+ I% G/ t- v9 n6 @1 c& Z
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.7 l  @7 {& `3 a: _& Z4 S
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
  n# H5 i- k  o6 Y; b得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。3 r& V) R0 f3 H. ?: S8 x
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
- ^- D  U! ~7 D% \9 K. \5 OHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not., J$ c; @+ }, T9 H' q+ Q, z
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。( r" ^" M; I9 C; o! S* t
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）8 `1 k' R; {) A+ X! j' \4 ^
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.1 N7 x/ O0 H' u$ q7 Q4 A
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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( }/ k& f. t2 _5 |* M9 L8 {河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
  I( A- {  b9 O& QHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
6 u' l8 z1 R9 U; A  P/ w8 _; HBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
- u7 v! M+ B0 j( uWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
8 @8 M4 R; A9 `' P: d7 e死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
$ f: R$ }. {4 P8 ZHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）5 N* r1 f; K: e$ h5 W. z( @
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
$ B$ }9 K% A4 f- G: k& h/ HHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）4 n  N. ^/ E' i7 `- {
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。' h0 y" ~) O' ?4 Y' ]- @; L
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。+ @- v6 K2 ~0 e5 n7 ?- \' i
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。0 F! p8 X! h% v  A/ @
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）% e$ M. @9 _3 |& O3 |6 f1 t
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）! d7 h; d% f2 G  W3 J
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）3 y+ @2 p! w+ z2 s) q  N
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
( ^7 M6 V0 n" d& |0 @1 H, AWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）# l! \) r; _" v& S8 j7 `/ @
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
2 u. k  r. t9 P  \Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）' Q8 T) a5 n' m) v( u. i
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
7 g( s  r& Q2 `3 y4 W7 x) m& QWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
% {' M& a/ C$ ]: ^% s2 c$ ]" uMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）4 h# \) J& ^+ ~1 Y
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）1 D  J: C. c/ z" v  ^  s1 K
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……