《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。9 p4 r5 y% h8 T& ]+ G1 J
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。! R8 B% x6 l# ~0 x% l1 J% h. I
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）9 o8 f; m( K: ], M8 }/ k0 _$ X% }
Holmes: I just picked it up.7 K) S, ?, A: R% l& d
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
1 i6 H' P5 ?6 }- _) V6 c7 ^Holmes: Knew I forgot something.5 M, s1 C& f0 c+ i; U+ T
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）  S1 k3 f0 b$ l! _, x
Holmes: You did.
6 x8 P3 I! i3 e- r4 G4 r（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）; z0 g* ^2 D8 n6 C* I% W
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.6 T2 V; w$ K" U
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4 H+ X3 C1 W$ c1 I& I宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
* B/ L$ P/ T) o9 o$ uWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
" {# o: B) S) N4 e( v) xHolmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。! M: y: b/ }1 g5 ?
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）0 h2 T& n8 F# R$ a( y: V
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* L- e: W6 V5 Q: `) i* L# V: c2 M拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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8 g  g' j- @  r4 t+ ?- O; O3 DWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。9 X1 |4 d) q4 P* l; r& O( W
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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9 d1 Z8 G) B4 g# T' [8 C0 f2 eHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。( Y- D' L/ b8 d
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" F1 m1 D+ ~' F% _# x! g: WBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。3 K% e* ^9 `4 L, V; k. g! e) `2 T
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
; ^# R4 `& F0 c- h3 ZIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?9 B( V; Q: p# z' y; l
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
8 h+ O7 G6 R+ c% f' B2 ]( kIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.9 X% v( Q. L8 r
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* r3 Q; H/ B8 U3 MIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。% u' V3 t: W! H" C5 g4 x9 J: g& Z
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）, {" |6 G- J) O; I4 ~
Watson: Get that out of my face.
. G& s* y% V0 b1 Q0 l$ U& ^Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.4 `5 z. Z0 M9 R' a& q% P0 v
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.0 p$ k3 j. {* b4 }2 D8 T: p6 A  \
路人警官Clarky上场。3 q9 t7 f1 }0 [" Q
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
0 M  o0 W* x! h/ s5 _$ T( OHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）" L( L( C2 ?( @8 \* n2 X1 T
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。( ^, K0 ^+ p9 Q6 ^! j7 r# ^# T
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?- ^* ^* U) J: {) }8 e$ v
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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4 h1 \  k) i! O# B6 B- b7 C# G墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。* U0 @  z8 A5 z1 }2 f5 ^6 f, U6 y
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）+ E8 e2 I. e: n) b% A0 N. C7 s
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
7 R& ^: H% @, q4 nWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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/ |; K' d+ d+ N2 r2 C河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
/ n( a5 q7 X) y4 ~; o% z9 CHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
9 n0 y5 N% ~, ?4 `/ _/ ]5 ]! ]Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…' K& Z7 X* s9 |7 N/ e
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）! E0 }; l( J8 l: L$ w; i! }
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
* R; ~( h0 k0 [4 e& }3 |$ N; yHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
0 B" o0 B0 g0 L0 n后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
4 P- ~. E* ~" B1 K5 |Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）- H- w3 s. _6 j' l; [* v
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
* n- ^5 S6 z3 p+ }8 j- YLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
! ]# n- M" ~: Z0 J  J: |4 m话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
4 E4 d6 B4 F  X( d" hHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
8 V& y  o8 s5 l2 ]. HWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）6 p! A3 B% z5 B7 Z% \2 |" i
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）; A4 Y2 w) C) i1 @  ?; d# S
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
( x( f6 J7 [  T2 A: o$ PWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）, g1 o; g) y& A) _2 B% _
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）" m+ y4 v+ v  n5 _
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）: d1 P+ Q  F$ O
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）+ k) m" m2 p1 Z: b8 E* k+ h" o! a
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
; A% W6 U1 N9 DMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）0 ~+ ^( @$ w9 v
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）4 @: T( o/ R( c& Y
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……