《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。1 k$ L. `, w1 `7 m- [9 p; [
***********
2 N7 P% G7 X6 V6 D; L1．$ A! }0 P7 J6 x) Y& F7 ^  V% ]
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
/ J1 t3 v8 e4 p. rWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
! t' B% W. P; }Holmes: I just picked it up.
* r( s% `% f8 l0 I) k2 `" }8 nWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
/ m2 W! X) g7 e3 j1 v& wHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
, w" T# I) Q3 oWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）* K! t/ W/ G; V# K' y+ y
Holmes: You did.
/ x8 m- H; W5 b% h6 V（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
" k/ x# J- t- _/ A  fHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all./ Z% q9 q/ `6 z: t
2．8 n' l) u" n$ k+ H8 @6 b  Z
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。5 H2 _) a9 e1 t, C; I! j* S
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.* g7 l2 P( n" j
Holmes: Granted.0 ^$ o) x, l4 \$ c& k  L% b
3., H" |8 O2 u. }+ d0 ?
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
& C3 e7 ?# ?) `2 u. t6 s' TWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
# G9 B+ `5 `& ~. h3 g# \6 w4．
3 P, t/ p) x9 q1 ^# e% V拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。- O# y9 b" h6 y' v' z
5．
& K" t4 U9 R; k( P3 t+ w& ~- v  o- cWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。+ i& V5 C) f4 z7 m
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
% M" c2 S1 W& W: W6．
1 v: I! b0 P) E* W+ qHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。7 Q7 k1 u" j$ `: B* X4 V0 |
7．
/ X2 Y4 M& K" D& m) Y' W8 _" hBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
8 \. r5 y; J% _+ ~: J8．  g8 x* }" \" b1 i" n3 r; U& c
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。! h/ F1 e0 p# X' }9 r
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）! Y5 r5 p) H9 T6 D" C) n
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?: r  u0 U9 S9 l! K/ s3 H
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）7 [2 E0 s: i- l4 h* L$ B) K
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.2 m  r  m. ]: P
9．
. P  N+ L: x) N9 WIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
+ q+ v6 c6 [  QHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
8 d( b0 t" d- zWatson: Get that out of my face.
. m$ K9 R' j+ QHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
/ ^" |, o7 s- ]Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
+ n$ U) P+ f# [0 D1 [1 x+ x路人警官Clarky上场。7 h: _& a% H$ G+ }# Q- y5 I
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.* K9 x1 _2 p1 `7 x- W
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
5 b3 x: W% @* ]: {) S' X7 q得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。; T, J, g" Z7 g" S* S/ H: F) P+ z+ h
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?% G. v! y% s$ `" Q- Y
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.4 ?5 w) Q8 {* u* d: E7 |
10.0 Y( m; K0 X7 t0 p, c
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
4 n& {5 z3 Z) l2 k8 W$ Q: E（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）) N  E" \- [' `. r
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
5 E* k5 b% }- q* Q% SWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
7 Y/ l/ @0 @6 [9 q7 l11．
7 g9 x* j. A9 `2 b1 s9 }河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
7 w9 m( ~% N! j& d- F3 @Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）& i1 R. c; e" s1 Z8 y  N0 j6 \
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
+ c# C6 }) `7 v+ Z5 Y4 q: y' [- ZWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
  e: [0 C8 x# E4 H& y死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。  ?& V3 k! Y& w2 V+ ~: `
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）& E  {, ~: @( v0 N5 g( q
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。3 s) T4 w. ~3 ?
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
2 q/ j, O0 k% @! K: v12．
1 R! N0 ~! ^) ]( X" L! W警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。5 \" r! b0 s5 X7 y
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.9 {% d% @8 S3 @/ N  u
13.
, }% U) r* f; r7 Y4 J2 G& R3 r! J接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
" E. H8 E/ _1 @  u2 W话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
' ?2 Z2 f! Z8 y2 O( Z+ GHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）% b  r/ Q; B6 n0 q) Q1 q6 i( ]
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）3 f$ |( m& L$ q/ D& g
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
- g; `/ c9 `. I$ r4 N$ a' ?Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?) `, L/ r0 s! X7 @- Y
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）3 r2 B% L) d" [3 j- w
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
! v# I6 |9 j- LWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
/ g9 ?% f# k* {! l; v  K. iHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
: I$ Z2 f* v4 I+ J0 b5 `- N/ }Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）7 |( [* F. T: t
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）2 G) j4 l; i/ A9 O# O& J5 ?6 z4 D
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）. b1 u' z. b( Q2 E7 F1 z
***********9 r8 j/ {# \6 p$ j, T# @# W
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……