《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。" @+ _+ E% Y$ k5 W8 I1 n" h
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% e3 p! u6 {3 m9 i2 }0 R7 u) b. z. j影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
4 {/ g) b7 \7 U) ]' W, [3 I. IWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
. L( M; c+ g. Z; fHolmes: I just picked it up.% ~# v9 f# N' r+ k4 U
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）4 s0 {: n4 V4 _
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.0 l/ H# K& L: b2 m# ]6 [" ?
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
! o4 T3 I% v, {. ^Holmes: You did.; I* C5 q) l! O# |( [0 m
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
' I2 G6 ~$ M( |( LHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.; f1 A; j  K2 B, ?
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。' J( w: P; X& O# `
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.# d  q" J; L' d' v" y8 B9 O; w
Holmes: Granted.1 {+ K  A6 |) d( }
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& D; ~* W/ r1 f' [/ C晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。, h/ G: J4 s/ e1 c' d1 f
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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7 p- h2 ^5 X, f; O& M拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。5 z  X5 H/ @7 r2 I8 T
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' J; k1 |1 K5 N: z# e/ N8 FWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
$ n' |/ C# P# K* AWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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1 H' K5 m5 o, F2 r! oBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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* q/ j7 j( d5 [) [Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。9 I$ N9 o# U: Y$ _2 C
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）, G6 H+ G7 T3 `" s
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?; Q$ I+ s0 G; x3 K0 n
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）/ o# O6 S2 E: F5 t* ^$ {
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope." N" D: c$ |& M5 D6 b8 c
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/ _+ _: n4 ~9 j8 uIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。: F1 {6 b9 G! C! P6 U& \) b9 d
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
0 w! [- K  Y( D7 ]2 hWatson: Get that out of my face./ O: w' C# h) h% N: g, K8 C
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
% R& x( q& V8 g$ n* m3 @0 E; R/ rWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
  f% U2 `1 H, B$ G& @& L) t$ t& h路人警官Clarky上场。
) D$ w) Z' m) CClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
: D! g5 V! i! mHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
2 x; k& c! u4 J& d7 n7 q8 U+ _得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
; q3 V$ A4 h( `( o3 ?' UWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
& O( @- A' _6 _- b1 PHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
6 D. x- p. u" Q" Q（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）" h) L- Y3 _$ M. V) `9 g0 c
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
. d; T8 R# l# |( A7 U2 Q* P7 gWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）$ g3 f  p5 q& k& o6 z3 E
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, G( N5 w  ]' b9 i: z6 s河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
! \( R) o% H* O0 a# i0 l, OHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）; G( w) e' a! |9 v7 L, P
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…) e, Q+ v* r4 N4 F3 t
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
, L0 A  T) ^, r! ]+ w死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
6 _4 v1 _( \+ ^8 FHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）; {8 r0 A, T% i# |3 g+ `4 A1 g
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
0 N# ~3 V: P+ c, C" c$ lHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。. ^, E/ j% D& ^( _  n7 S- U& O
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
) i+ s. J6 k2 N$ G1 N话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。9 r' q4 O% @1 }
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）9 i& S! E- o- V% i
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）  w$ M! f7 y4 d7 j
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
4 g  D8 ~6 i! b* X( }Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
* o- U$ t9 e: }* ?3 \Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
) j$ c$ j4 P( C$ d2 xHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
. [1 C' z% T6 l, x8 TWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）9 n$ H. X4 n# r
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
7 E9 U  u& U1 W3 ]Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
2 o# ]* y7 R) z$ J* a4 y5 Q( sMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
7 I/ a. d& w6 ^/ H（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）0 O( F4 e$ I/ l: a
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6 @# y) P4 L( z- w1 ~总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……