《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
% z; r% m. a3 q: F4 G9 m8 U) F- PWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
0 W/ h6 z4 i2 h3 q) Z3 h7 ?  V& O+ PHolmes: I just picked it up.
; ^1 F. v1 {, O& ^9 d. ]0 }7 iWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）7 ]6 Z' v9 ?# {
Holmes: Knew I forgot something./ T3 G0 t7 H$ C) h
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
. p! v! {; k, {% I' \Holmes: You did.
  {, F2 ^- H% g) D  c. U9 W（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
$ G9 b! g4 W( O, h8 PHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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( ]1 z. Y. H( f6 Z+ s8 |宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。* c" ?' ^2 V2 u
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
; a' V5 X  h7 F' j2 l! pHolmes: Granted.
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) I# n9 W  q' I, p3 M7 R晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。+ z% E5 F: F. x7 V6 h# J+ M. G
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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: S) V+ O7 o; e4 M7 Z8 C1 [' X% v拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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% L3 W; K1 i$ |0 G+ `Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。# C3 o' g. y/ I
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。7 K) L* _. @' T
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) V! `) g" z( `. Z) R9 j  EBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。4 h; |, b0 l! {) W' c+ @
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5 }9 d$ U: e3 T: zIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
1 }+ Y% J( I8 S+ Y$ r（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
) U+ u/ o  Q+ t# X& n2 \! fIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?" E( V5 p5 E; F
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）  T1 w& }# G  i" _7 t
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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* t' D0 v. t! j# e. T" n) xIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。# A- ]/ D% ?$ H4 X$ k0 A& l8 ?
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
: Q' L2 R4 @& x9 u: jWatson: Get that out of my face.
$ {: q, V) w1 RHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
/ g% U; P6 g5 r9 U3 T: S( ]7 W! |1 aWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.8 i3 U! j, T# R. f0 r* [' t- K
路人警官Clarky上场。$ N5 Q/ C" j: G& m; z! I! F
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.3 j. ]  U8 [+ T, T$ h  b$ E' y: S
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
' S  @% ?7 Q5 \8 f6 M$ C8 G得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。/ k: w: T5 y; C; }) p8 ^
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
. Q! ^* B+ {* v0 uHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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/ [( v: ?% Q9 i9 e! C( l墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
" h5 F( R8 ~  A! p) D8 D. o: p（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）- `2 K) G' t) b6 L; B' ^: N
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.2 ~5 z; z* O% ]6 k
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）5 y: `7 B' D$ P1 c0 [8 ~5 x
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。& S( p8 ?3 Q% \% T
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）7 u' x# a) s: Q& x
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
5 r1 ]# g  C+ ]* A7 k% h( `Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
+ T/ a8 F# Y) g死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。! B/ p- Y4 m. o4 ^0 d! K' ]
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）( q6 E8 H0 g5 M
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。+ S" E- }' g) C; R
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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4 M  b: k" k0 d% |& S0 R. z* j5 \警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
( c! p# z8 V% M+ F  w8 TLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.( c; D( o( Z( k. U& N; i
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* J0 b, E  o  s接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
' U7 b0 \8 U5 V话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。" z/ \: U: l) a
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
$ `8 b0 p$ D# kWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）9 h8 ~8 M; m- ^: {4 I; _+ I
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
, r+ i0 o8 P7 u* _" A; j3 sMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?0 A2 C/ u2 ^4 S& E  S) @; s
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
+ H' U% V4 B; ?9 C) L+ e4 e! A3 f; gHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）. ?3 ]1 N0 U2 @* H. a
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
, h  [' R9 H$ ZHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）2 Z0 j# T9 _- }* p4 d
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）5 \  f5 |$ M; _3 K4 G/ R+ @* D. {: U4 [. }
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
0 L' Q8 g) M/ ~! M# ~$ q（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……