《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。' Z+ \  D; H9 q
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）3 d0 z3 Q; _/ A2 i2 B& `
Holmes: I just picked it up.7 p* q9 k7 _# T' [1 B9 D4 j
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
- {  U# g# C) V1 Z3 a$ e& ]$ VHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
) l* k' w$ p# B  V7 D5 ]. j& yWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）" W  N1 V) z* g) ^
Holmes: You did.
' X' t  f1 M( l: M. j& p" R（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
3 n, X9 a( e) J" N8 U2 cHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
, C3 S, B4 a6 L: WWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
6 J$ A1 L! `9 C2 b' q% h* RHolmes: Granted.& J7 X$ S8 d" f1 s9 T( ~
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。! o6 J+ C7 z, n
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。$ `$ F, R% z( X- D/ E; m
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- K  k5 a* y$ ]Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。! I. y( J5 x) ^5 n3 s, D
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）/ ]7 ^+ J4 o) U7 F& p5 q2 N5 G  H! @
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。( i8 Y  ?: Q4 R4 Q6 B  j7 L8 U
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& ~8 ~  R% B& q. x: ]Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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+ [! W8 S" D$ N9 L& F3 B3 D% _Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?  q+ V! S0 f1 A9 B
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
; p; T6 d7 s& Q; T- |$ N3 f0 F4 ~8 rIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.4 x& R: d! K& @1 B( A/ Q
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7 F, b" R" d: p9 S8 IIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
+ J/ A3 W6 x. [0 t( ]4 h- l: g: z5 kHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
" l$ r6 ^9 [  F- H% \! C1 b0 XWatson: Get that out of my face., g. T2 F  D8 |( Y; \' p; v$ w9 \
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand." `/ E1 L' X( I$ ^
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
: R# f8 n3 B- I* Y# E* b9 _' @. V* @+ X路人警官Clarky上场。7 N6 x$ W/ `( g% d8 [2 t
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
# J- S9 ?  R4 }. a  z, O1 rHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
. t' s4 s* r' w7 }( q5 `得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。3 k: C) J* R* _( D5 b; [
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?2 h; d+ E1 e' J% l5 J
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。0 s: U2 v- F0 |" `8 m0 d
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
3 }+ X: c4 F% S& k6 p8 l- {% j# KHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
: ~5 R# y0 H. u& Y% kWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）8 Z8 N  b: O9 m% n( b
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
; |6 r0 O5 w8 C: eHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）2 f. l# i( p/ j: L8 r0 j1 t" j% m9 l
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…+ O9 l3 E- a- i5 q
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
0 w) Q5 k( Q4 V& _  |9 ~5 S死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。) q4 B7 X+ f; a! e# I& L, M
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
. O$ u( x, g; z后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
2 s! X/ b7 S" [' M( ~  p1 gHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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  |7 q8 R/ e0 u# s! X- Y. z7 l警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
5 r9 O" q! s0 H1 ULestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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% U" W0 c. A$ L! S7 e接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
/ t$ J* ]+ b; N话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
3 j% y& D8 p1 i$ B% x$ }Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
* I# \+ I: G% u7 q: mWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
) x6 m4 W2 ?/ B# D) k, c8 ?Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
/ k% @! Q* w9 w0 c2 K/ s: ^Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
. _( u" v- I, H( wWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）) }8 l1 S, B5 r5 q7 }7 P' c
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）% E7 i2 Z. _$ Q8 S8 l8 I0 x
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
' }3 W. }% _# j0 q$ aHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）7 `3 q( p) s' ~( v$ I$ q/ A
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
8 j2 X: R" j* f6 f% N$ OMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）1 ^+ |% U8 K4 O  G. c
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）. \" [% a' \" z/ c( H: x
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6 \6 A  a5 |& S" e5 b总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……