《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。7 X. A3 t9 ^; B) H- {0 Y
***********
9 Q( `9 a5 \/ a8 k9 Q1．; C* Q3 k9 L7 |' O7 J
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
  N* m6 P4 F. W! g9 n# nWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）  |0 a6 `+ `! h4 q+ h
Holmes: I just picked it up.* n7 N& W$ P" l" S! [
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
( p2 [- B: b1 C/ Z" @Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
$ D3 ?2 @4 U7 p! h( n$ {Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
2 [6 \2 e: x- {0 u' e. ~Holmes: You did.' l4 D5 H* x% N% Y, ~' `. F0 {
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
) W# l0 _+ ?2 `6 L1 y$ S$ b* k. v3 g! iHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.6 M+ j1 P9 _/ g# t6 {, N0 e
2．
7 |3 q+ G+ F# {  H! u% `宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。" [  F- ^2 w- L! X' Z3 I* A
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.2 j/ Y  v: t8 B9 O6 ^
Holmes: Granted.4 S; c5 D. {7 s
3.- C1 }& D7 n" ?; s* Y
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
, ~& j2 L  n# B  v0 b$ ^Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
: u* f- X6 N% q5 P4．
) B  V& F) B  Z/ b! ^/ t- s拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。" S% E5 n5 f( F" x( u+ T
5．) k( g. p, @* N' I6 R( c; q
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。$ a' u5 s2 H. M5 C
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
' v" T, S8 m) q) Z  a# E6．6 }+ p# B* ^9 w( Z; A, p
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。# I2 `( j' B4 B5 g+ T# L
7．4 _& `  }. e. m1 A0 ~
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
# ?' |2 q) b. \: v8．% ~5 G3 @, d( r: a1 U( A- u6 t( n9 Z
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
) S: {3 ?' C9 J( |" g+ V6 i  O% E, p: E（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
: B6 ?; s' l  CIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
- j# N9 |; r4 `8 c- V- O5 yHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
9 i$ V9 O2 G4 A: ^* }6 YIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.7 J* s4 b- r6 z& e
9．
1 n# Y0 ^7 |' p! j& vIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。! D( q- S5 E0 k- y( t/ s
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）+ h% H2 `; v$ v  a' Y
Watson: Get that out of my face.
; V" D' A4 |  l8 |6 V* T# a0 AHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
  U7 h0 [' V$ Z( ?Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.- p9 o; t8 r- |! }5 @* v4 n% |
路人警官Clarky上场。" I9 L, f- ?9 V2 k! C& Y1 T- l
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
8 W2 U9 P6 u1 _; p. g- mHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
$ O. \# b" I, a' g- L得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
! s# d; O/ [! t9 dWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?) d; K- ^0 _# `, |- ~7 r
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
& C7 m7 T8 f8 W& \' Y/ p9 x& h10.( b5 i2 i# V1 O1 H: N
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
5 n1 O3 ?0 z/ e5 B6 w, N（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）1 W% A# Z- x) x! H- M
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.# i) `% U8 f4 y' r: ~, f# O1 `
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
) Q6 T6 E$ J( [8 |, v11．% v/ O4 N3 x* S: a
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
' A$ {8 F9 `: w/ |# RHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）0 f- k" V/ [2 L/ s! y4 B% T
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
+ p# n) w+ O2 `7 g! lWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）# b) J1 K/ b8 l# W0 w1 M
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
2 @+ G2 \/ Z" H6 v7 v' d0 gHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）$ ^- h' {+ P* @  Y. x
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
0 ^! W! B+ e6 k! [/ T7 uHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）0 F  R4 Z2 h. x+ a& w
12．: S8 s6 t9 d* h+ g8 A
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。) Y. a  y! C+ b( Z+ W  j8 D3 q2 _; `4 _
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.# \% ^, f: u; _1 @4 B: L
13.
7 K3 K! b' y0 c4 C* \% x8 V接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
( l, W: M7 }/ l1 Y话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
( i2 X9 _; Y& Q# u' j6 l" ^Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）& U4 I4 s. Z7 T. B  }
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
4 f/ u  H# Y6 O% ~! l0 ?% B8 {Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）- \! q0 {3 f8 X5 {5 \! l
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
' Q- F6 s6 J$ d( [Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
; D4 g7 x2 A; |+ SHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）, y5 ?" M0 W1 d  x
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）; t; c- f' T* _$ f7 |/ ]
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）/ I5 ?% B1 ?' N- S5 `$ H
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
! N; a- M/ T+ Z! ?: e1 }/ RMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
& W8 s3 \% o4 D0 _（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）/ F5 L" w& I9 {6 E( C
***********1 X$ @6 |! Y! s: C! J. P3 L
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……