《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。9 J1 {3 N9 A/ p( Z8 o
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。2 Q+ L3 r, W/ Z' I
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
. R+ [* Z" x/ o# j- G6 w- vHolmes: I just picked it up.2 G' D9 H; e, n6 c2 f8 R
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）  ^' ?8 b6 {; K
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
% L0 k$ Z3 J: y4 x' YWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
6 L0 K- D! X4 }5 k  ?- D7 Z! aHolmes: You did.
& h# F2 D% n; j1 _( f（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
' Z8 @4 L' Z9 }& qHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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6 b( F8 U) ~! O! `: w宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。: U# Q) i2 X8 e, R: m
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
4 t( o& A( f$ p, N7 g8 K3 b6 HHolmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
0 D8 {( [+ o7 @# P4 k8 JWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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! q% X1 z, k* v. m拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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0 }4 Z7 @, `, r/ b5 r1 NWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
3 H: o8 h4 ~. N8 m% G. z* gWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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+ g8 t$ k' W$ ]; E9 R( b. Z; hHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。8 E8 r/ \9 ~* u( X) j) Q
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。; A1 ^6 m- t' j3 ^7 R
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
4 i' A  V5 D7 V# e% {4 m7 M  |7 hIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
( l5 i% H+ I! s. ]* q$ L% y  HHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）7 l. \; R" P8 I& T* g3 s; o
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。9 m. {& c3 n( u
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）' \5 H% n  l0 {6 L" A
Watson: Get that out of my face.9 K- E8 c6 p' F) E( U( p
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
/ z: T. ]) x$ {6 F7 {/ J# }; pWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
/ S) D0 ^2 k. B( v6 G9 W/ G) a  T路人警官Clarky上场。1 @5 h3 W+ Q* f
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
* m/ t" O) e# U3 dHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
7 V7 z/ P* ^- T. W+ s5 K9 N得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
, ^- P& }0 h0 pWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?/ n! B/ g9 e1 V) e$ @: t. Q. p
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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" N( q6 G3 b+ j1 s墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
) v2 G) U3 M) I（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）5 K. b. l# W+ {$ J
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
  ^2 V+ M7 `; U/ C; nWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）! M, _2 d. }! o3 l& l
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。" V1 w. `' o& G- F+ S/ z# S6 \" F
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
" h' q9 H; X+ L3 Q  }* }0 pBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
' p5 n) v/ o4 _9 t4 FWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）' g& a  p0 O& G% \$ j  g
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。. J: R9 I" }" o  x: E* o
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）0 D6 M6 w8 }) W+ B7 |  E% m2 J1 k
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
7 n% G. C3 J! Z# yHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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# p) U* P! S* h2 T# x警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。- r8 f! R4 t4 P* K8 ?% Y
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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0 B1 b2 G- c7 X0 a' v- p接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
. ?- @6 ~8 h' F0 w5 @话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
" Q+ f) D1 v% C5 H# wHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
# `( N+ ^+ ?0 p( {7 l4 ZWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）% v6 |: Q3 z( L- N! s7 C) h, Y* a
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）( B9 O  n1 y) p9 [$ D* M: {% w/ U
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
) L1 L2 C0 D- m* W$ uWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
8 `8 j' V+ m/ B! zHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
5 Y% p8 [9 ?- c7 f, T9 O2 w( tWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
$ v9 y4 m" V* D+ b  {Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）8 P& f. {  D0 ^0 F$ h, B
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）4 f0 q$ y/ ~% W5 n7 I# c
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）& c7 y% J) B, O7 C
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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9 q& e! B8 y1 a9 F* t总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……