《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。0 a1 b# D0 X+ z! e' q1 S5 S
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* ~* t/ E: y. l2 y3 @9 l影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。" ~; t. e# k3 _
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）0 p+ V1 `- ^, x& r
Holmes: I just picked it up.
9 f+ c. |- j( b% JWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
6 B( n, t  \; H1 PHolmes: Knew I forgot something.% ~- ?- L  [, j, {$ G4 w
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
- j" j( P8 c5 {$ vHolmes: You did.
- R) D( `8 d) r' c# b（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）" m9 B5 ^/ q3 o* `# r0 A8 D
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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1 S2 I' ]  j' h8 _$ H宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。' L& @: J& r  H# ?) P5 N4 d% \$ D
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.% V. @! @  t" B4 z
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。& B& {6 o0 g) @# C
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）+ e& @3 ?$ z, f; a4 x; O! r
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。* U1 h& M# {& M5 ?- K( T) e
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: D$ x; V+ Y' X4 V4 D' c* FWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。0 G1 ~. O# ~" W; B. |. p7 x9 @: G( e
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）5 K. C4 D9 y" e! q
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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8 y5 i" U/ F2 X1 n/ }Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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( q- k1 {! A9 q3 [' `" m. hIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?+ N& ]" s) X# y# r# T+ F& z
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）3 C# j) b9 r% j! B' i
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
5 u* v! @* S; h0 p4 x! Q6 O; THolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）  g' K" S+ |, j+ U( ^3 l
Watson: Get that out of my face.) f& k0 t* v2 r; v0 L( D1 u6 S. B
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
% ?# C+ h3 A- X9 TWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.% R+ \" l1 P; _' \' b! s/ w4 H0 {+ f
路人警官Clarky上场。" S% i: K; E& s7 {
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
& S+ Q. `! F6 x$ w. p7 mHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
5 ?* a' v& F: E6 m8 l; g7 z得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
) q8 i; Z9 _5 L3 pWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?9 c* b) @; t, n3 G" `+ x
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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3 Q# v; a" @9 `% F. D: t: s墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。2 t8 j$ \$ g% t2 Q
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）* L: e% |# m* @$ L; Z' B$ _+ `! @) N
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.5 R' M+ P6 S- Z+ k
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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- \0 A. @& C/ M- t% n河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
$ ?  A# q: J. [; EHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
# ^% G) }! f. b" j, N8 n2 i# XBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
$ f5 G7 j4 z) L! O% [# nWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
+ r+ v) q. \4 n4 Z, J- K1 ?8 L死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
" L' ]+ Z9 }6 p2 JHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）' ]  ~6 @6 O; T5 h8 }+ V
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
) `* o, `1 f, r# _, ^6 d# `Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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/ F5 V* X; ]) L3 y5 b( Z警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
5 ?" ^% Z2 A/ ALestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.) V% ?) k; a5 ~% l' R
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
' R7 t) t+ B' ^3 p$ D& |& \话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
0 \' f6 C. m) d( p9 g; rHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
# w9 r, g# V! O2 ?: p8 uWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）$ |, q" u. v$ W# H
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）/ F7 E' N. n+ s1 V3 K! @; o
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?6 J" g$ z; @( z- Z; J" y
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
2 x$ d: ^" j7 ^0 G' M9 }Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
7 P; i' Q- I3 E, HWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
. i2 n7 j( o0 k9 X+ m2 ?, X) }, LHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
- t3 G9 m! Q% y. _) MWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
# Q. U5 s6 Y( J) S5 r% q7 R* Q/ }Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）7 [$ f% ]7 I7 k2 \3 O
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）. z! U. r3 _+ P8 V- c9 h
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# A# g- V# X5 M. n( o9 L  z  K总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……