《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。; `" y& h9 Q8 k) M8 E6 O5 Q* w
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
7 V, B, s- E/ DWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
& F, e$ A9 [$ EHolmes: I just picked it up., t* }+ R" H+ Y: z; r
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
% v3 |" r# N- l* k  ~' @Holmes: Knew I forgot something.; f! m7 U, y) p. F
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）- n0 L' E7 V4 [$ M9 z; \
Holmes: You did./ M* e! a+ u! G4 ~: M% d% h
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）  f0 H( S: a# M8 s- G( r( j8 B; U! K: d
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.1 E2 S9 f6 E# g
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. H7 K5 ~6 Z# p( Y+ l# Q+ v宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
, Y6 l8 M- r3 WWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
5 W; T% p" r* ^/ l: {( v8 J, zHolmes: Granted.8 A  T, W- n  R% |! e- ?
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4 X, T9 Y3 M  _% ?晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。/ Q6 U- k$ a( S2 _
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）2 w2 @( |. |$ c7 P% l' T
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  M) ^% |  F. j' m* A- O拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。) H( ^9 X1 l  s  [. A  f
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/ k/ M* b* r7 i" r' W( QWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
& l3 m$ J6 w9 e, ?* C" FWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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- ?; M; I, ]; W+ Y9 N, qBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。& M7 t* u; n+ z' s
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
# a+ }' y7 F# P: F（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）) E- f4 I5 c. p1 X6 V& s
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?$ D! c& [$ q  {
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）, P) v; D' J4 ^6 w5 Z* z% H# X
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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( y( `" ^/ E2 A5 b2 l6 vIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。, D$ e) E$ c; {* A+ F
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）9 M: G6 j, B8 t5 x
Watson: Get that out of my face.( c7 z" Z7 b6 n9 |. }9 X
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.0 a- m8 d7 O8 W5 E2 }+ ?7 t
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
3 k/ y3 p9 @& V) J0 D1 U路人警官Clarky上场。
! F$ Y4 z0 n  U  d. U: u3 V  [2 wClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.1 Y& M) u& f  _) E# O4 U
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
+ a% v& L, {" V' j9 ~得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
! |8 G: T) T" [  MWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
- {- S1 d; ^1 R1 dHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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1 H! Q# I9 C6 c1 d% z3 s墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。: x* c- B7 Z0 v2 x
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
. Q& u# d5 ^- F% Z5 X9 gHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.7 L+ I- v& z* H& P% ]- C( b! `
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）* `) T, v0 S, X6 o0 `- f
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
" c; `' Y. i7 [, F  [4 OHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
2 C* [* R. ]% c* rBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
7 X/ S( O: W/ RWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）/ U. |8 W9 @9 ?# {5 w4 i) c
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
# ]+ J% f$ |7 F% W) }; WHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
5 Z, V4 Z7 {$ O5 s后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
1 r; m, i' z* n9 D7 r9 J: h3 K/ jHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）; \( R# Q1 x" @: S% S
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3 ^. w# D/ E1 [0 b* O  X警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
' Q5 P" M, E" o( o0 ~2 }Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.6 I& F% s" x5 v* K* f
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
3 `6 @9 S" A  E: E$ L0 F话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。4 {# N( ]. s/ w& p+ ~4 V
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
! j$ q) v3 q0 r5 E$ ]( nWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
- B+ d) m; L1 ~; a% `/ DHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）  ?# n( ]; m; O: n- c+ E7 Y
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?: j1 [) E; i& M0 h' D9 w
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）5 f, ~' O% W( ?4 W% `
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
- A2 h, U/ R1 l5 ^Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
- K; G& H, E! b; B1 y" dHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）1 i# Z+ u; g/ G" V
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
# e! J4 @1 i( T" x: T- E; PMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
9 E  t: o+ A6 B- Z+ l" f（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……