《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。$ I* o1 O' k2 N! @& J# r1 G( e5 W
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6 L) g! o' h; G8 x0 a影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。* s6 Z! R! z! W
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）: k$ T$ F# _1 W4 H, [/ ]
Holmes: I just picked it up.  g1 \: z  `5 ^+ {) V7 G* }% s8 ^
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）( G, \" k5 i. g
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
: V- r2 _) |$ zWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）! x" Q8 O5 Z6 f- s; J. \( {+ N
Holmes: You did.
$ x0 o6 i: B9 @' G% _7 H4 @4 V（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）7 z$ D* h. U9 l, O; T
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.. d. G9 P  U5 ^5 O
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3 u9 y6 W, l7 d. ~1 c宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。* V, I& V& B2 r2 `$ w. b
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
8 q% g" x) Z* @' g7 PHolmes: Granted.  B7 W9 m! g$ x) s$ J
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, K9 W* O# n4 y6 y5 |晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。0 y+ I- K: ]4 m8 z) R2 Z
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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; A) Q  r+ @; E7 m8 ~拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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( ^9 X, u- p0 q% m- h6 d+ mWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。& O. s+ F6 O0 @- n
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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+ }7 r% V- F( N) h% GBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。% G3 m6 y2 _# \2 z* _0 y3 J
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
: ~8 x& f- t6 s* QIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
- l/ P+ ?. n! o# x) h* @( @Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
" o$ w2 `7 L! {Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。. q$ s. v% G) j  t, ?: i4 @; g
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）- n! F/ W$ H8 J, o  L
Watson: Get that out of my face.! E" @: r  E5 Q' F( M
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
% Y, z9 v# L; sWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face., Y: _$ G6 \4 ~$ s. X9 h$ n
路人警官Clarky上场。
+ B! R- l$ W, M5 a7 K  hClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
. b+ m8 B/ p/ cHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）8 P& Z5 o$ M% O! {9 ~% X" K- _
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
  M+ W' A9 V' U2 A. R' |6 dWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
( h; f9 ]) i8 R8 P  G0 g$ b8 UHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。, `4 d6 I( X4 S
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）6 g0 h) U" z+ E1 F
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
7 V5 f% s5 A/ ?Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）- ?5 \* ~/ o' h) f' V  [
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3 s) x/ y9 O  d2 v8 ?河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。: L- J; o$ F0 \& e5 b  w- @; s0 Q
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
5 U" ]$ ?5 S  R3 v5 f  yBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…! g# m5 {* x9 q( T& l
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）4 e. Q% l) j) w. }* [2 z
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。. t: |: E; n) Y* Z$ d( N6 N; l
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
* b' O' P: s; t' R& e3 @2 x0 R后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
: N. M+ X) s; @; \6 W  f$ _  E' e( E, ^Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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& [2 |! d& w- }: p9 e5 R/ [- d1 s警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
8 j# @/ j  L: y8 z9 U! ~1 J+ Q: |Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.) j. Z, b8 l0 ^6 s' E9 {' o% d5 y
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
$ m' L; w2 `# q& Z3 u: o) s' p' W话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。4 P" N. A& ~4 R" ?) t/ U
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）& }# F2 z$ A5 L) M* n9 z! L
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）8 F& p( G, M# N1 M1 V) u/ Z
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
& ]/ ]( A) @, U, e& j) M, N5 T6 pMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?" J6 y4 ]4 h" G5 e3 V) T
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）0 m! V7 E$ `  _$ q1 u1 q
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
, R6 i* ^+ x  j3 B' I) n2 t& vWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）# N3 R. H8 M& U
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）7 z+ N0 |( k6 m* ?
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
% k/ T+ K4 D$ N1 \7 ?Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
9 b- F: K; \9 r（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）: j2 e4 L  ]  h2 j' P8 Z
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……