《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
* N# a4 \: @. s* W***********9 b! @" I8 E; }% l: C
1．
" m4 i& y. E" M; @6 u: B; B影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。9 W9 y! b4 V) U+ Q& @7 d  H
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）* d6 I1 ?7 v6 J7 ?
Holmes: I just picked it up.
5 B, p+ B5 U) k+ W7 r% }Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
8 v. K/ X# ^. W- t# d  o  H' G2 VHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
# v5 s% a' G  X; ]5 y& ]% i: L+ E0 YWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
' g# j7 C& M7 K7 A: {" q1 {Holmes: You did.0 E8 S% Z9 s0 r
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）- N. I$ L3 e% }) f
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
2 A( v, C( ]+ O! g2．2 X" K4 j* f* P: W
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。2 L" M2 u3 Z! [- p  t6 F( G
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.% W. `+ }5 `* i4 j( z& k
Holmes: Granted.
# z- u& W% I3 V# W- s# u( V3.
: O, U" S! A/ {- e晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。# p$ K5 i( V+ o1 d/ n" v
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
5 c- w# _$ ?' D: e4 R9 b  X4．- f/ ~3 l9 Z" P
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。! [; f* t; J; `% p, t6 d* ~
5．
* q( |) Z1 g; LWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。6 b0 J& B: b% B2 s
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）5 z' W) \6 `: Y. J, ~
6．
1 @1 J! w9 j9 p: NHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。9 }8 a+ w; e+ E$ N& k9 |$ \5 J0 r+ A
7．
. i" L1 S1 N' H7 g* M+ t6 F: p$ VBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。( Z2 V5 r( R/ U0 d- l# |* a
8．
6 ~# M0 \" m4 V  R4 DIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。  L& k, b% t$ R# M. l) L
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）! h6 ?5 i  G- R9 H) W
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?! o1 u& s- B* p
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）0 Q  u# Y. R9 f5 y/ X
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.: H* a' x# P. L8 G
9．0 J) h4 N3 Z$ ^+ j# u
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。" A' o0 t: z1 X' A. P) v( x
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
& n6 A2 E6 K$ {2 U6 z: wWatson: Get that out of my face.
) O9 S. j) c" p9 P; j! k# [Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
' h. f4 s! E: E, {' |' nWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.& D" `/ s: ]2 |6 W- J; c- f
路人警官Clarky上场。
% {% u7 h8 P9 lClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
" K' v3 |6 U/ {9 W/ f' ^Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
$ g2 W6 L$ D3 H5 \- t3 o& m. p! X) ]: P得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。' \( d6 ?' ~4 I& @5 ^
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?% b2 ?+ q+ I# q) [  S% H
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
2 n1 p& b0 n$ C& a10.$ t7 J# o# G. x) b+ t0 _0 e. ]: O' A
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
0 m! S8 o+ D6 v3 z2 k/ z3 \（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）* }( K- q1 y1 y. R! c
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
8 A& T$ G# H: ^( ?0 i3 _# cWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
+ b' K9 N# L8 M# \4 b# S" c4 V11．
8 x2 f4 O. f( t河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
  S7 Y7 J: Q5 `. e! PHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
5 [! A! @1 l3 [: w/ e" q3 jBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
; D7 `  {, M4 G3 yWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）! M& L+ v% L8 h0 V+ `# y4 |) P
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。8 \0 R) x/ n" p5 @  \
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
1 i0 \6 B9 v$ y+ c后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
. D# V; B+ J/ J8 ?1 o* QHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）( r8 E3 O- R; O2 [- C% k4 \
12．# C4 H7 t& k* A. m* v
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。' F- V$ f) P6 B7 T: I6 v
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.1 A4 `8 C( G& B( m9 h8 g/ X- I( ~; x
13.
( m. o' W2 g2 [# T* M* a; g+ F; c' A接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。2 t! ^# r/ b6 ^& `9 Q9 s
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。$ n$ U8 N8 N' i! m* Y% f
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
) T2 b1 ^* w+ _! GWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）& m) |& p7 C  n; @2 h( W" n/ r$ Y- p
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
" ~9 p* Y6 E; F% z6 Y( w8 zMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?6 \9 x: ^9 ~" A. w* {1 i6 g7 @
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）7 U! n/ ~2 {. t5 Z; _
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
# B; P- w5 h7 D) ~Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）2 ]4 V7 p% e, c
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）  B7 N/ F  s: r. x5 X" N
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
$ w+ f4 q1 X5 L" n/ d' xMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）4 c% O+ O# w$ j4 {# j; J& N
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
  r1 k1 r, i! |6 K***********
9 x; ^- c5 e1 f" G; }总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……