《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。+ X3 b! H- S. `; w2 `
***********8 M3 l  u, {8 a7 L
1．
2 a- l% j9 p) v5 f  H4 V4 F影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
) ]* Z) ]/ |* XWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
$ E  ^9 }$ b6 A/ E+ DHolmes: I just picked it up.
4 I) |- R" Q) a, G1 A8 {Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）& I7 M' u1 L' Y4 z' v9 d, N
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.7 l6 @/ a+ Q0 x$ ^- o  J
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）5 m$ i! B) Q2 b0 O( K& T+ h" N
Holmes: You did.9 N2 \* r$ M/ o( n7 N
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）- [0 h4 `( j1 @) j, j9 ^
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
7 ~% Z& ~1 w( {: w2．
! g/ [* p6 @9 X8 V  R' `宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。( k1 \! V! C5 w  g( z
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.! b% w$ [  x- F1 j* B, G/ T
Holmes: Granted.
! w/ x9 Q/ ]" f" U0 l! Z' \3.
7 X) P- u4 n8 g晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。6 @( M9 F% C- M
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）1 W4 b* a* o) c% ?# p" R4 X4 y; D
4．) t3 V9 ]' D! i; k0 f# y- A# K
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。3 P9 M6 t+ e  W* H  }
5．  {8 b( R0 ]; b$ Y2 A
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
/ e* N9 Z% D- O# @Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）# s$ Q' A9 @( H0 A0 {/ A
6．% S2 [: C0 v; r7 w$ M
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
( `% K, m: T* W! a7 W7．
' X- h0 {% h( q- W' {5 c! M4 KBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。6 ~6 z9 A; q, S: x/ R, r
8．
) C) i* z5 ?7 F+ I0 IIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。% T3 S& i  y% [) t% L# O; u* e, B
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）  Y/ r& N8 y; T0 H3 A! a/ Z. T
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
+ O) z4 y6 [1 e5 w4 K8 ?Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）0 n4 Q" S6 X: ]* ^2 r- w& ]
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
8 i+ A# k# x( W# D9．
* T$ T& L! @  o1 t% B( HIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。& e3 ~1 x' }, c7 ~/ ]; u* ^. G+ n0 q
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
; A9 a& X4 }) |: D( H  a. I6 LWatson: Get that out of my face.
7 `7 X  Q1 t- |, d2 kHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
3 ^8 Q# L: q( vWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
- W- x8 p1 u5 {& M  f& m3 S路人警官Clarky上场。+ S6 L* K# y: r; T4 e$ {
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.! `9 D/ J+ e9 d  z, x
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）$ Q2 k) R7 p- [' l& @0 x" M
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。% z+ {. J" q1 b8 L/ E
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?+ I6 w. _, o$ e+ a! a
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.8 v3 E% V4 Z" N4 ^* g" G+ ?: ^
10.
  E: X' L) i, ?5 G/ m墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
, ]" O  x9 w! h6 ]' g（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）# `: h2 W; b7 h! o8 r2 j
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.9 ^  A% {! v# g: X& u: u
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
" l# ~  B. l0 a. ]7 I11．
; z. x6 u$ O8 k) b, g6 T河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
0 Y6 |/ j  E5 w' \Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
* R$ Q8 m# R# m$ `; x8 Q/ z4 bBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…# g5 i' @7 K5 v  _3 x: g+ d' W8 h
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
2 e0 b9 `, \3 o7 N* p# H死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。1 {1 }+ ^$ n) ^; N) \. \2 ?6 g
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
. x3 Z- U* r7 l7 K$ p; o* a后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
% P8 C  \- F/ H* {/ SHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）) _8 E3 g- i+ r7 S4 ?1 h7 I; C) c) b$ D
12．
$ E4 U) y# v1 B, n% c0 D警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。8 K; `5 C9 M: T6 p) x% w
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.3 d8 V% m  k1 O, a( Y( p
13.2 g/ x! [% I3 g# w0 l" k
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
% e3 {4 m* c" F  f话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
9 z5 j  ?3 x' `Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
9 X% s5 i- ~- ?: }" D& U. EWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）# m1 c7 b' Y5 r# m
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
* ]3 p0 q$ |4 G# x! ^, eMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?: k0 A2 q' }' b5 f
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）6 H' Z8 w4 w3 j. ?9 K. y
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
7 o" ?. v% v$ hWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
7 E% y# u% ^0 YHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
5 J- m8 z$ E7 ?4 d2 ^+ }$ yWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）- |! q" D  G* j
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）& b! e$ e; t6 V3 J
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）0 A% k0 F' t3 I1 Y
***********4 H1 G, ^* `( F! _6 N% I
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……