《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
# v5 h6 B0 m- {2 B2 W6 h/ |4 i+ ^***********
' B0 M  @* u/ j# W1．, H& T8 e8 x" _1 [) g$ ^7 E, C
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。* k9 h2 _) A; j0 X1 s/ j6 y' q5 S
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）) H3 x( y: C( g4 Q
Holmes: I just picked it up.) d4 O- r5 m$ x# h& g
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）* }# g% }1 J, i7 q2 l
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
$ S% y1 q7 Y6 A% x  V; e( EWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）0 T3 `$ |; l( R6 ^( N$ W
Holmes: You did.0 J) _* }! f0 T3 |0 T0 K1 r8 U
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
. [& N5 t6 {+ N0 ~- N* M% e- ~8 bHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
6 k" E$ c( T1 O0 y7 [1 o2．! d, r& t1 G/ j9 a
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
2 Q5 x6 u" {1 o/ \8 cWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
$ t3 P( Q$ O9 V) i! Z7 CHolmes: Granted.
6 k$ Q# `3 ^3 b5 ], F& a' y- }3.! e8 c; ^2 F( \0 P8 O& y$ u
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
4 [6 a0 D! y6 z8 R" a' n) AWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）: f% Y1 v) X5 I- l7 t  C
4．
2 s: ]; q( z" U- {3 S拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。( r! w1 W! X$ W' m
5．7 c1 W' U/ |) B; R' v( @4 u
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。1 Z8 p3 Y* r2 X8 O3 M3 V
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
$ @9 q% a+ }. v3 [6．
" q( y) x# A# Z* v; UHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。5 A; Y5 E  J3 V. A$ I
7．
" _2 e2 M3 u. j2 V" C+ ~" RBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
0 C4 g" s. x$ k  q- M8．* k7 V5 E* t% g/ @9 R
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。- i) F/ j& B7 N  `# }
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）% X8 u$ k0 N1 t. B7 N* _
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?+ d% R! x* F& R5 B- h4 a8 E
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
) q. C% |7 H: U: K: J2 Z+ zIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
- K( L' b* Q5 h, b1 n7 o9．
' m7 R. ^9 i; ^( d0 s1 ^Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
6 Z- p8 }3 H9 xHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
+ Z% p( H0 h( h' h! C  NWatson: Get that out of my face.
6 l0 }6 o& `9 \3 wHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.5 K, P+ A: Z& x
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.) J' ]' M) C1 H' T& I7 [0 }
路人警官Clarky上场。
+ |$ r# b8 _* x/ ~1 n/ a9 ?Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.) w2 n5 x% M8 ]
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）  O9 L2 s/ s5 q8 M
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。+ `( k+ M' y0 D* u$ p( K9 u' a
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?. |/ C: `' q- {) s
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.' b" o5 r2 l8 ?
10.% ^* L. q  K0 Q0 V9 K
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。! e" u' i5 h  Z
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）1 Y6 }' J* y" D
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
5 H& I2 r- e( j$ ]  C1 lWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
2 R0 O: A3 p7 q( h' Z- X/ Q( B- Q: r11．
' ^+ G& ]( d, U. F河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。/ N! ]. ^3 g% F, Y
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）! b3 ^" N7 R  \7 C5 ~
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…' P" m# _7 q0 |. @; E/ B4 X9 I
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）( T2 y/ x( H5 Y* R: I6 Z& d; r
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。! i8 G+ e- T5 o) C0 N& k
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）( H0 G/ x/ l  s- Q, t
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
+ P/ h7 H' g( _: M  U' ]Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）8 j2 H: Z) c1 q7 ~. @) h
12．
# V, O* W; u7 ^; T( I警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
2 Q' I+ y/ `! m3 bLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
& w8 O9 F5 E% ~( x& q9 N13.- ~0 N+ @. {& n6 `: p; s$ B
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
; f* O3 B/ E$ S6 N2 }话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
0 p7 u3 F$ [# w+ zHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
) n) V1 A9 ^: pWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）* p8 z& I) p+ L% ^
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）+ X! E( V/ W5 p
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
8 q1 F8 e2 ], \  Z% M2 VWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）$ @  V3 v8 v! p6 p" m3 C! u8 N
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
4 w( J- }  b8 uWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
# b; B" I6 l( n8 _$ a" JHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
8 ^: b6 ^) y! R9 @Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）5 n3 C3 G6 u  P4 v- q5 }2 m
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）- i- e3 w) [- b
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）9 a* m* H7 V' V' x4 H
***********' T$ U8 w  E9 i$ I
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……