《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。- r6 Y  f/ O3 h8 w; c$ b/ @
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。' M! R+ I# ?% H' X/ C
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）5 S1 M* |/ z) Q' G
Holmes: I just picked it up.
1 b7 c! f9 e, _; Y  {" JWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）  R3 R9 q; q% p; s  I1 {
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
6 [9 ]0 n, Q% l- B: KWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
% x" N$ d" ^& \4 q' L# `) \" xHolmes: You did.
, c/ O* N( h0 \$ m2 k6 a（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）5 X5 I6 X/ m) r' D6 k  n% r
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.: o% }) {* Z' a) q" ?
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。' l) h! v2 T' V% b' k* ]7 n
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
; {, k0 e: X8 b9 H% C+ ZHolmes: Granted.
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6 q* t8 h, ^* w, E晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。/ A* S; ]- Y# s6 T( ~+ N+ [- d
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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) y; o% T* C1 T! o1 c拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。9 C3 V  J( v2 y9 l3 D4 q7 L
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* w3 I' E0 b# g$ AWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
9 E& z1 d4 c6 H" wWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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' M4 A3 c! }$ S+ R4 f0 i3 }Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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$ W' F9 U2 P# M7 W) k# RBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。; @  V+ j, ]+ w8 R7 f
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
  a# A3 _4 }$ p/ p（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
* x1 }& e+ |  LIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
: ]) F) Y# ?; H5 q" O9 W7 l* kHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
% g9 h" `& {5 ]+ Y3 UIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.% }, I% X  R* N' u- h
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% N3 X7 Y+ H# ^* j9 g/ t. UIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。" T3 V4 {+ Y5 v1 z$ L
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
5 B" Q/ b" l! i" D' I4 x1 b8 a& tWatson: Get that out of my face.
8 o' ]/ z# Q& [Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
9 j$ d" G$ \2 }! D7 |4 S5 PWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.$ F0 j7 O2 H, c; P' [( S* C
路人警官Clarky上场。7 z" H  E" u, x5 i' x& B/ q
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
8 I4 i4 V. h/ t5 R. e; ]8 r+ k' WHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
" A$ Y/ U; t+ P/ v2 X+ a得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。2 H, H" V3 V9 u! L
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?7 i: Z* j- a. s+ E+ w" G  C& t; u
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.9 O2 o7 ^2 S5 q7 u/ K5 Y
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4 X8 Z5 D  E$ ^6 w/ w墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。$ y" h; H  B. f7 ~1 x2 T
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
2 y* b* Z8 h1 N+ L/ s- `Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
! N$ y6 W- z6 T: i& W  s* R8 BWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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: g9 `. N/ [7 ^3 r4 D, w河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
- u  m  E- r- M( S' O/ V- X) fHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
" Z& q* j8 C' k' Y9 W8 R( q& Q: n# ?Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…0 V7 Y9 }- n! ?' l. i7 S& j
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）+ e$ o5 Z) c1 c# _  {
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。4 N+ R0 o% z4 [
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
5 X; Y, Y$ G$ J' Q后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
* ~9 \# w& O  W& o, d$ [. R# ^Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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; d) _- j" n$ Z" j  \6 T+ Z警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
1 p, x7 B6 A8 LLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.3 a# l4 |# Y/ T
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。9 }  t7 m7 A. R& U" j% z
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。3 u( x; S( s2 S. u
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
+ [- V3 h# O5 c6 l; Y9 {* M5 |Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
7 Y( d. j7 N4 N) ?- S0 @5 |' CHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
- d% U: _5 `6 TMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?, u2 L4 c8 p8 j. j" \! |' T: o
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
( P9 q2 D( [  W3 F5 p7 PHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
$ M& s" ^) m* G2 d3 TWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
/ q: ~7 C6 b. N2 z9 J+ S- I+ U3 ]Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
7 W5 w' T9 d, F! y2 W. M1 e' XWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）6 G" A/ e% N0 D
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）: b: t1 N. p9 w' ?% X% r: |
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）. c" N- y* E: m! v
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……