《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。3 z5 `4 L" P3 @3 O- `
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
0 u. K  d1 L$ `5 A* iWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
! V: f5 Q4 L3 {  [Holmes: I just picked it up.
1 i, a+ t5 A8 W9 W7 R  nWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
. k; U! Z) ?7 ~. UHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
% f' x, m2 i% j, N; w. P+ o2 cWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
' M; ]$ q2 r7 Q7 gHolmes: You did." p  I4 r* q; Y- u9 K
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）/ g. ?" p2 l1 m$ W8 K
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.- O9 _% @, U6 r/ |
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
% s$ B( Q/ |9 `) sWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
4 o$ Z5 N* w1 f6 L8 DHolmes: Granted.1 T: d) }2 {1 w5 I' C" A2 |
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- h0 p7 g9 s* b' }# g: Z晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。' h+ \( M" t8 S( g$ E  R
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）& s4 U% o  a% s3 Z; [9 U
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0 K6 ]' p9 V  E2 o0 f9 l' g# c拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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) z+ _( O( _1 m$ o7 v+ qWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
& J9 B7 Y; g, oWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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8 p( X9 b. o4 d" w# BHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。: j: d( l! h/ {( P6 U
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: z2 t+ I) s# j0 }$ d  s: p& pBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。$ J. r  o$ B9 u) x
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5 {" N+ t; }% n( c4 p! T& x, }Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
6 Y2 ~( r0 N3 h/ {（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）9 }2 K* [7 p  r# ?" g0 b! o
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?' r4 b* k/ y+ \5 D2 f
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
, \6 ]3 E) h. `) L0 N; B# b& ]Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.+ B; Q0 y& s2 }" q$ C
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
$ Q: C1 x& d, B% I6 d. W: wHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）' e7 C2 E; ~7 _8 ~7 g
Watson: Get that out of my face.4 U4 @2 ~! T$ ]* V
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.% n$ E" G3 c6 }" Y4 K& k
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
: D+ w! t$ e5 O  L$ Y路人警官Clarky上场。/ G" _8 \" G/ M1 t$ f8 }& Z
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
* ?6 r  o3 f; O' Y* v  rHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）+ Z7 G- R7 |1 M4 B7 Z
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。' L" A/ e. W) u* W1 ^( h
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
. ~7 `1 s" S6 ]5 @0 c/ L% y  a" XHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.! m. L" w+ D* V$ w! X' D  ]
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- g7 ?' [7 ~5 t墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
/ R3 |/ d0 U: R( B（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）$ e$ [2 x) Y: s8 v" E& h4 f
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.9 u; x  ^& Y# m5 k' u/ s! ~- e
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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- R1 K7 R; m9 O# G* w河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。  N, E$ r/ Q* X0 s! A. a2 I: W
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
" C* n. |- a9 m" x2 W6 C+ _Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…. ]" O& C; T, d" o8 H
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
4 D1 E7 Q# V' C7 M% [+ X死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。3 Y* C* A( ]. M
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）& n  Z6 O6 x6 A5 G+ @
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。$ y. V) C+ J0 Z' [  G
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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  V" x3 G5 K! }" p) L警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。, F: o! |5 h5 ~# c
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
% |" A, j( x. U话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
: k8 Z  {3 p, {, u& ~4 WHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
3 r* T5 H  e6 F- C7 m% ZWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
$ a. E: u8 v& n2 cHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）' Q. {4 {4 J5 \( m3 |. t
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?: U* p9 @# m( c! W. ~: G4 ^+ A+ p
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
) F+ K5 a! t" T( i2 c! ?Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）6 x" s& X0 f) v+ R& _# @% z
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）: k, H& A& e# x  r9 H! K, b, w  r
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
, q/ A& K1 h7 F% F4 pWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
8 F. i, X8 ?* \2 F& I! wMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
# q( B* M1 `4 r8 s1 A（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……