《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。/ U2 U% P. a' J) k5 d3 T2 F# T5 n
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。* L0 ?+ H8 r& D' }0 n
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
# }: u0 t5 g9 ?; c$ U) k# PHolmes: I just picked it up.
, p" X5 X; E. B' oWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
( ~9 a# V# o! z2 e# J$ mHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
4 u( K6 z' x/ n" a2 O% rWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
% t) C2 ?( D% f/ X( W1 hHolmes: You did.1 D: h! D/ h" d) V+ O9 H) \4 N
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）: X7 M2 {- ?& z3 E- @
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.4 y9 |8 {" D& V. Q4 p: s
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, E6 t! _' S" S' x宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
* P& J) d8 @- v( \& KWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
6 J/ R2 `# y2 b2 Y: `; i5 Q" RHolmes: Granted.
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# x. Z1 k$ J! G2 u. C8 s晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
# o4 l( S* Q' U3 X0 W, j* fWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）/ ]4 {* V, g6 N! S- \
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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6 Y  Q  e6 T; N0 k* V! R: O* oWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
4 E3 P. n4 v9 P% v- W+ yWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）5 s7 V0 B7 r0 \" m( F! b
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. g/ V8 [! v3 Q* fHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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$ _6 S! i/ n1 N6 k, PBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。. E7 q, b& m7 P: N% y- L" E
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
8 `' o+ |- Q4 B7 D& B" E（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）$ q) {. J3 o" a: C7 i6 z
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
2 P( x: `/ g7 g! LHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
: p# E( ~# _8 H1 d  G9 L8 AIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.' }. y; e6 p6 {) Q- ~
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9 F) P* {9 k" J& [1 n( P, KIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
& @) L1 _/ m, x- r1 U3 F( n4 t4 ~Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
4 ]' G/ J3 Y+ x0 D1 Z  @Watson: Get that out of my face.  R/ \$ t; W3 k) w5 F  A: d/ ]% z0 \' c! N
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
; _+ P8 u( p  @: a* \1 D& yWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.3 e9 L/ e4 Y3 p( Q( M! N7 V/ b
路人警官Clarky上场。
  t+ |8 B! m4 E; c- p$ S/ B. k  _Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
2 m2 Y" G$ R+ g9 B  v$ f* Z7 ?Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
" h7 {, ]5 V9 z得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。1 F6 @6 ^9 v2 M, A9 V  Y
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?- p; Z3 p  T6 h2 Z; j
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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8 n% h1 e. B. n9 W1 p墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
! D' w/ i* P0 J7 a. V（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）5 ]* @0 q- p$ k3 x+ T
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.  B/ Q$ E' r$ w4 f" m7 L  u* P
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）1 V* s3 t& c2 e7 D3 f
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
1 b5 E+ U, W7 E' v# C7 ^Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）  C$ N+ W5 a- ~% g
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
, m) y3 n5 P6 s7 Z) G' IWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
, G3 y& D: l$ V3 ^" K. Y9 C+ b死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
. W& |1 ]" x, o0 m: N9 ~Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）5 }3 U' G+ D# D3 H: d
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
5 \# |5 U4 |% K  Q3 ]' W1 `9 u5 KHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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; P" M! {0 F1 g  y' C$ |3 Y警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。2 ]4 ]0 Z' E0 C0 ]+ C5 o
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.+ {4 l6 ]9 P  E
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
# T( l* R+ A+ o6 F话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。4 {2 z0 @4 X  `& u5 Y, F5 ?1 O
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
. v' M5 l+ r1 {& n  r% yWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
6 P! w: w+ S5 Z3 G1 h' h6 yHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
- d, S; g* W  |; J2 e2 ]Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
2 `# H9 z+ a& _Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）$ N+ I) B& q% `- K$ @
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）# s3 h2 s  g; I3 x/ G; f7 `
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）1 M) J% J, ~- I( e$ F  w
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）/ {3 ]. k, N* h. P8 w( h
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
& T, P! b9 }) }0 L$ D/ C- X0 eMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
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% l7 v3 f: Z/ g) g) d. ^* }2 M总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……