《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。3 v2 ~/ O+ a* G) Z. v
***********
/ _3 I0 \5 N$ F; [) \  l$ z1．
2 o. {# p" p) u. S, X# y影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
4 C: e! J* k% F8 i3 q8 {% rWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
8 K4 F6 `9 P; kHolmes: I just picked it up.
' y( j# d: J' j! D" c) q  WWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）! v; G$ [- q2 e7 m2 s' M7 x- }
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.* M7 O( L: l( o6 a7 `$ ]# R# K
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）+ Y8 f! m# [9 o. ~$ m8 S3 t2 g
Holmes: You did.$ Y& |$ _6 m3 R- M2 u$ X6 f2 R
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）9 R. H! }. `1 E2 N3 f' u* x- J
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
" J" T3 W8 _4 h+ z, R& ~2．
+ `6 d( H9 J  F0 e* F# k宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
0 v( I( W5 S: e& f; K( \Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
* m4 i1 h; B- K2 P0 |# wHolmes: Granted.$ l' r7 Y6 p2 C1 q) U/ O  `& B
3.
' }$ t( B6 d+ w: y晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。4 N6 l% p# Y7 l( j
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
$ ]5 p& v! V% @; ^4．& j$ }2 {# T1 Q# @& v# G: g1 b0 \
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。/ P) v; A# @' Q9 t
5．- G: c+ }9 h! B! E( {+ O7 `% x
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
! Q: [, K% z  lWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）) o( {. _% e1 S
6．
! i  ]; d/ O; M) v: R; w7 aHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
3 H: \" P$ {, E' }% I7．2 c: J: T$ Z& d; d5 y  {, Y3 z1 J5 W" ?
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
8 z: u+ {, D" A8 ^/ S( D8．1 J6 s  Z7 q) q# e9 Z
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
# i0 Y4 r: Y  Z# j（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）( w, [3 l# U$ q1 E
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
; ]# A- r" J7 I" q% m3 FHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）2 a( X7 s( D7 F! q/ ?1 W
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
, T! C2 V- x0 `- |9．, n/ o6 w8 X- z* a
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。/ ~( k0 q* }7 y; A+ f5 }- ]. I% _
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）) H- z" W) @0 Q- C5 x& C: K
Watson: Get that out of my face.+ f. t- A3 s. M* d% `* Z
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.# H$ d6 L/ G" z  T
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face." w8 K: q  O  q1 ?6 x" r/ @
路人警官Clarky上场。
" u3 \. m# g' U+ yClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.% B* M/ `0 I( f7 ]0 N- l
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
6 g, H0 J: ~% z4 _得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
( H3 u2 ~" U, tWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?. ^, O- }! n  c
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.7 t9 {& C) U# O* h& R
10.5 G& s$ I8 N5 ]1 L- ?: y0 ?1 z( _
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。- K7 u6 a2 S- p' x6 \1 ~. M
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）. Z& m7 s8 E7 R) D' q. F0 f; v, B
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.0 g% T( J0 l$ \5 @
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）2 y: M- M" Q$ @, j4 w2 }+ h' i
11．- R- Y4 Z% w- x/ j
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
% k$ `' b' k& a1 [. l5 Q: uHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）4 p( N8 [: L! V4 N. ]' p$ `# @+ n4 I
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
+ h; x/ U6 x- I! ]Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）6 \" e2 L- k5 ^' L& {. Y
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
/ i$ X+ i+ \9 u8 @Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）* h0 G# F4 S; T$ y2 Z0 k! X2 V7 J
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
. q& i' B6 l( ZHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）' o1 I5 y* @& l! _) s
12．
. D  D& e. q) u, u警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。+ ]3 v: @" a  ]6 i1 k, z, ]
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
6 ^* B- n$ |! o- c. L13.
9 T  X, Q6 w( y0 S" M接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。  w- b  m0 j9 f; w" I
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。0 X3 ~4 `* ]* c) l4 H( n
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）  U; U- B0 ^+ u3 ?
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）3 h1 r/ c8 g# R( H  ~  {* e
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）2 r) l" L  E* n, s  k" O
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?# [( i) n0 l' ]% X/ [) v& T4 M- {, J
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）. @( b) A2 Y/ r$ Q9 Z( H5 H
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）' g  q# c6 z# I( \
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
$ A' R1 C0 ]/ N% @Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
5 g  L5 y$ q+ a# OWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
! |9 c. c2 S% fMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）+ p( X) t2 N$ `% p) Q- b
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）% [, q3 ^6 y) g/ n/ _# {3 u3 g" r+ \
***********
$ a; C- n) G- t, U总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……