《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。8 y% q1 L+ b: y/ m6 j' s6 t
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
4 z7 x( ^3 X. \" o, a! iWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）* v; Z  W/ A- ?1 C# c' R
Holmes: I just picked it up.
; p8 W9 j4 t* C8 ]; B6 wWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
1 c% d7 X, i0 Q+ w$ i% g( D4 Y4 A) n& tHolmes: Knew I forgot something.8 ]; d0 D: [/ U; }' l. o! t
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）4 D) S7 m% ?, h" C# `2 T# k
Holmes: You did.
. h7 K; \4 e4 z1 X7 u( V* J（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）- b1 E3 ~5 q+ K" r0 p, W: R
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.# m  k7 A  G7 R8 f8 D) N: b5 `
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。- I7 w/ c- |1 H; \1 y4 [! f
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
3 e* E; ^1 u' o) U. e2 H) x; KHolmes: Granted.% l' A& _, q" F  S1 d5 V4 `' V5 B
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+ Y7 f9 o: y" Z& G* k) d& x2 E5 u晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
, M7 x0 {: J& K2 V5 fWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）7 {, ?" |4 D/ z: M* \
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( O; _  y4 x4 a' s. @7 ?拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。% J) [4 L' m0 i) f. ]
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8 N" M# C4 B* w/ M, @1 W6 c. U. T5 j$ zWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。1 g; M2 ^8 ?7 l7 I7 {
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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6 u; U2 d2 A. {" e% a! p  B+ f+ M3 IIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。7 \+ |3 I" i, m
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）. C3 x8 x. x# k" Z, X, _2 I
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?9 f5 @" `0 j- T# }
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）1 P0 T- W( G: k
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。( ?; r8 p* [' m7 p# A# q
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）/ E9 u3 G% H. S% T: |: _
Watson: Get that out of my face.# D9 s! d) d  z7 W; U
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
9 M9 K1 [; H6 Q& q5 \Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
3 J5 o& ]2 w5 @! _路人警官Clarky上场。
8 i1 X4 a2 V) oClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
. s4 c. p- V" _9 Y  z; YHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）/ ]( F  l8 T9 M
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
+ C% w: e5 q$ xWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?  b5 Y/ l$ L3 c. q& a
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.: v0 B, Y3 H' T5 p. `0 d9 Q
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. W/ D; T7 y1 d* x* \( C! `墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。5 o! c' M- m7 p8 e$ }
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
) g5 z6 @5 l2 _+ Y* fHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
; T0 t% [; r! l( s: Z/ |8 _' @Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）' ?. q9 r: j8 d+ x# {2 ^
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0 b2 O7 P( Y9 W% c. V2 p河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。0 p( w! m& s5 ]  e/ ]
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）& i4 M6 a" I3 V9 ?# `3 c* f
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
+ `) b) O( X" u8 yWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
% w1 w4 [2 Y3 u0 g: F, y% D6 E9 b死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。" C# B7 [7 d; U
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）+ ]" X% q6 |# t1 c3 ^. h
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
- X% x3 |- L( e: C! N& b1 uHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）' ^, ]7 @" O5 y/ }
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. X# |! B. i3 y: d# H6 ?' f9 E5 {5 ~警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
1 J8 Z1 e8 u* V: }; `  zLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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: N1 }2 t# r2 C% {: a) l接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。/ K0 A5 E% s. h0 k( Q, T6 P
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
# S, L) r: k1 o7 dHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）- t8 @( ?) @& o: M% m; K/ S. w
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
* g$ f- N/ W1 O9 }2 k: E. l5 xHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
2 w7 L. ^, ]! w8 g( |: `Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?/ A' q! a4 V2 K
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）, q( P" x8 s% W4 p
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
% g* g! d1 j4 w! X+ C" p. Z( @Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
0 ?! Z7 ~; \, S) u$ }- mHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
) `+ d: U# p7 xWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
+ R# q9 i/ U9 c' F) K4 O+ J3 Q) dMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
4 z" Z/ s+ _! w$ V6 R. ^2 b（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……