《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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2 W& g) ^- ~) I( g  A9 s, ?影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
! |8 O- o, I% U, ?8 l- YWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
1 d$ s; Q3 D4 A) D/ ZHolmes: I just picked it up.
  D( D. A# H$ D  pWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
. C( I3 e* C- R! \9 BHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
9 `& d) |! E! @$ b; y. G: oWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）+ m4 a6 ?- `& {: I3 h
Holmes: You did.2 Z! M8 q9 `/ O1 H5 d& n+ N# N; h
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）4 N' y; |, d) A1 c' E8 ^* h
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。9 e5 P6 f6 e3 k1 O- l& @2 j3 Z
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.) B* o# t. P: |6 v# }
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。8 N4 `; n) D' c3 r, o' [
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）7 }5 B2 v; c; v+ @8 i! j
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。/ }; C# E6 I4 B" Z) u! ]
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。" j2 f5 `* d  d  S8 V, e$ W
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）6 d, o: |1 g. a
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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( P: I( k5 T% Z# }' MBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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* r6 n$ e& g5 g- i1 uIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。: E: H; V5 }) B3 }8 g& C8 X
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）* y" Q2 h1 s1 O6 i
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
) q5 y; O" S" p9 w. Z0 ^' S5 K+ YHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）$ w- p2 g; V) t/ |0 F0 q
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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% n) Z% ~) V  H$ }; g* [Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。# a/ ?' h  z5 |2 t( B, o, t/ l2 Z6 y
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）2 W( `( G( e; @& b1 z
Watson: Get that out of my face.6 U, C$ c5 }7 X* ]) w9 ]6 \
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
3 s3 i* p# P* b% m  ~, @Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.+ A4 b6 X- m: l1 T8 [: w( D
路人警官Clarky上场。" ?# n" f9 L- D, @6 l$ }4 Z
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
. M5 j9 B$ s3 _5 y, sHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）0 g5 A3 }- ^7 C: u
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。' B/ P( e" U6 c( M: K( H
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?' D7 Z, b+ m" q7 V* g7 k" B
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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! c' W) E+ X9 z# l1 `$ [墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
( s; j  X- q2 k" `& w9 k# P9 G* @$ C（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）5 z- \% q0 b( l* C
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.: n2 P" ?- x; ]  w1 G" m
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）7 O; x  ~: I/ P- m/ W
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1 `4 p3 l* l2 L$ W' J+ I- v河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
; y# B! T2 o3 E! j4 {, J8 j7 jHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
6 e/ @. l, N, H2 h8 x6 kBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…, T$ d; D4 h& Y( d# x$ d5 m  E) e
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）* @% r9 y/ `' R6 T  H
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。# y$ Q6 x/ \8 X; [5 m
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）5 U+ Y# G  N. [# {2 R- i  k
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
2 O' r; n- n" @  Z- R% G( nHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）6 M4 u4 x1 B- \' s
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
& p0 p5 O) E9 {5 C  ?) F1 pLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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: E& x: j8 d$ c# @/ {/ ^接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。0 [- u) P! [1 N: U, j
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
( v- \8 W$ y- m2 D+ j% MHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
( P: h0 G. \7 \Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）  l% B& {+ x: {1 G
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
) B' H3 n- R+ g5 g6 n, ?Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
) P# ^. y7 ]( M. z5 T; A# t9 L& \Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）7 b) V# K: ~, K) o* s) Z
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
& }2 H6 C3 A) L: u6 ?  U9 Q" u2 AWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）/ P( |5 G$ g& e/ m
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
$ m! a9 x. o- j1 c1 g. LWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）  U) x: i) y( r, D& m; |# c
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）8 {  P8 J4 N9 p+ e& ~: ?
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……