《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。8 C+ m2 [# s* J1 q; H8 \8 Q" G% b
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
6 [2 L- T# V: e6 N" |/ e; VWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）5 B3 S/ w) n# r: O( Z8 l) ?* B. D
Holmes: I just picked it up.
% e) l* J" W4 Y( HWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）% f! y8 q" ?) ~  i% U- T
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.5 d, e8 C) D& t( s9 Z
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
3 J/ o+ |6 ]2 F# uHolmes: You did.
0 I$ C1 v, r8 r+ ~& t（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）% `3 r( l6 h$ _2 B* m$ K: ?
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.3 y6 I/ |8 ^/ b9 n3 I* h3 l
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2 Y6 x! D  {0 ~2 Z( S$ w3 t宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。% F) l# H( e0 u: c- V; `1 Q
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
% f5 \7 Z4 p, H* m1 BHolmes: Granted.
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- N9 X9 r5 i5 O  O/ i9 v晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
: B* C8 r2 Z9 s1 EWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。; k( l5 ]2 r& r3 n& h$ L7 w
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" `3 z( P& K" uWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
7 `8 \: C9 ~; ?. ~# Y+ ]Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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& H: h' S; e$ M2 T" X7 P  dHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。* S7 p/ @8 }/ h0 J1 t
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. n' O8 ]4 l, Z- P& QBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。* |2 q, I- ^6 V# R
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。' v5 @! p8 L0 t2 W
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
. F7 M$ i3 ]1 b( ~5 h! f2 A# QIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?! f% j8 y0 F: g9 x: t- D
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
& S. p1 y8 ]4 v( ?* o  X: h) X0 u7 x8 zIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。+ v/ _" P, G0 \0 O0 F
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）/ `* O5 H- B: w% e! U- ?! a
Watson: Get that out of my face.
2 G) e8 i7 R& YHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
+ E; l" [; {7 v1 I; X4 D; N$ `8 C, zWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.2 D+ b3 S/ L6 v0 O" Y% r5 L
路人警官Clarky上场。
4 X& Y& [* s$ }  }0 s" G, l, IClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
# l2 c, k4 M% Z  |5 _$ u! vHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
; @8 W3 l6 p* P7 F3 @1 a- {得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。: d* Q; s/ C5 ~& B+ a/ B7 B4 c
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
3 h2 I8 [, j- s! z& ZHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。$ l$ N2 S6 r3 P& k1 [
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
' n6 x1 ]9 m& gHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
- J; c% I# |" Z9 PWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）# X2 ]: ~1 D, c# G0 z4 l+ i8 h! I: L
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
/ ]( U' l) N# b( D0 Y6 N# R% yHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
4 B' J7 g% l( o& b; p% t! R0 EBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
6 d( T& A' u' kWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）* u  {; V% D; Q. ~2 H; {& Z8 p
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
. Z9 B, k- \( o' I" `Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）  p1 [$ s1 w2 |$ ~2 S, C
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。( F% {/ h3 j5 Y6 [- [
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
+ I, e6 H. Z# jLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.# Q7 E  J; o0 T
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+ J1 c( \$ F( e$ d接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
; u7 P, k) u; a! j话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。: }* q: }- i- P* G
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）% v$ w/ K1 E- \) u4 q+ p
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
* |- ^+ M& ^, W: w! R; |# OHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）" X) w; q5 A/ o- N. i7 F' `
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?1 B  P( e, ^  j
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）! \$ ~& G& e+ y5 T
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
1 A9 ]9 X  l7 k2 v7 yWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
: B! D2 ?+ F' T5 G/ b# CHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
% u0 X" K) G7 U' B! J  o1 p' E$ XWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）6 B7 h/ a6 ]7 X7 }/ i
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
/ `% E# S" z2 X（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）! G( ~4 _4 |/ ^2 L  V* D+ h+ }& }$ T7 a
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" ?1 T* y% l. V8 c% L2 V总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……