《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。$ {4 F! T) p" [5 F
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）7 Z& G" Y& z; v; p. {% D
Holmes: I just picked it up.0 x5 H8 I: B( W% d
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）0 Y! Z- @3 n6 P/ N, t, ]( m" f2 w6 ?! N
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
0 V' O: z$ W2 S6 o9 oWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
% g& }1 j$ _$ s$ k6 y/ GHolmes: You did.
' h" o! A# I0 ?( Z8 I: P（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
, [0 F9 c0 m+ C# z: X( gHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.& I2 L1 O( B# L) t& p! R+ I
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- q- u7 }3 V7 i% p+ x) q宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。% g, _" s, l' V* c
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
( H" f5 s+ r6 g: @0 `) iHolmes: Granted.6 D2 Q, b$ X! Q; r, I- b1 S; K3 b
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' X9 \" M1 s6 G. g% \' g晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
7 b0 b( W, D, q; F( A& t; G; \Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）  K' L7 y! A  W$ w& i
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。+ A3 O7 X  X/ V( V5 s  O8 Z
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0 u' x& G( N! z2 HWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
6 s8 C/ t8 k' }+ C. Q/ WWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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% n, S! C5 W3 ^$ }8 j" T' j: kHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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, O1 \( l+ d: Q, L. F$ UBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。# |) l. h, D% }' Z) R( P
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: ]' l; m; i$ `# o" `8 [Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。6 [) \, r( K% ^  H( c# h! c. N
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
+ z/ i* H  p% [; s: r  }& U' s% h; w0 }Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
6 |/ c: Y3 {% f2 G& X* K, u/ YHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
% l. C" ?. [% q( l+ N" pIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.7 S9 G" ^& h- M, Z( Z4 Z9 y
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8 l1 u% W  s, \, hIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。9 n: \  b; `) t" K) e0 A: c
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）2 A6 B4 V& A6 f
Watson: Get that out of my face.
8 n( o, q3 u; w3 S3 c0 w2 YHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.# i' j4 k, h! g$ O  J
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.: w0 N3 ~4 y5 f! `1 \: z' o' K) X
路人警官Clarky上场。
  s' @" [' J* Q/ T* t' R* r4 Y: lClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
7 a# x! X( |9 h( t. tHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
$ O9 L. b& C1 C* T得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
3 |& M, p6 X$ q/ X8 X) HWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
# {% r, L2 r. {( T4 y2 R$ F+ wHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
' P) K- d% ?( p# I: {' @（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
" R2 [8 m- w; aHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
: m$ [  S/ W# N# cWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）1 h' k/ i+ Y$ ^, L
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
% V6 A( e6 o& O7 g& FHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
9 V+ h) v7 n% }4 q& K6 |/ m/ m% ]% JBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
+ r% A8 d# ~$ M4 D; x% U  wWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）; Y3 x9 ~. B3 q4 I5 Z- l# ?0 h7 c
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。$ H+ x( ?$ i; z( u7 A& D
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）6 ]4 F% O# U6 F
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
6 j5 i$ I- \7 E( k7 z$ I- g, X! U* Y$ yHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）% n5 F. F! E) k0 L% j" A
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。+ I4 N' o+ z5 _
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.8 l+ J- a5 o2 ^" d% x5 g
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。# `2 T" n# y9 m( j: ^" ^5 p+ ]' Z" e+ Q
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。( _; q- u. \2 x, `0 C0 B
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）6 a2 y# p; [* h
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）. n3 q! e8 V1 M( }0 ?
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
9 g8 s+ j4 q0 O5 OMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?8 _) e& u' P: U1 G3 r
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
1 O8 L, M( l8 h4 u0 C# aHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
. e1 w2 r5 D6 k8 s1 g4 y* TWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）9 j! f/ L& `  P1 j' @7 \7 S+ M
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）% K# j; t* J) W
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
/ l0 I* w0 J# O& Z- ^Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
! Z- b# {% n+ Q* C+ Q# a: m8 {（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……