《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。5 S2 w5 `  l) k) O- K! r6 d; b
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。5 D- c2 D/ o5 l# a* ^
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）  h5 l: k' f/ t" s! }: s; u! ]
Holmes: I just picked it up.
+ a% k. |, C: O' V" }Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）! X& F) x5 M" x/ o: _" z  v
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.. ]5 A( ~) J1 u# @
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
, o+ c' X0 J2 e- m# i7 z% p& YHolmes: You did.9 t+ b4 c3 {6 |- ~( p5 H
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）! {: S' m7 k8 y% Y
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
& R7 C2 u- q- O; Z. `3 J, l( Z: d& cWatson: Permission to enter the armory.3 X& ?  w0 ~1 {, y9 a
Holmes: Granted.
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- X# J6 N% N% u! c7 ^3 }0 y1 U晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
3 {/ G* V, N; t7 wWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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! g; i$ \. m  W5 T: y( y拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。7 \+ @& S1 i2 W& I/ j
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, J9 v" b# F. R, F4 qWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。" \, i# B6 v4 [1 ]" a  J0 C) C
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）' f* p; _  c# y5 b0 N  @
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
% s3 X1 P' z+ h: \/ Y/ r9 t（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）  t+ T+ m1 a+ n% u6 e0 l8 M1 X* p( |
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?/ T1 u7 l/ _/ Z
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）( ~6 u2 J7 i, E
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
* |7 D1 E- c! iHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
+ F' `) Z* x  nWatson: Get that out of my face.1 s2 V. G5 B( t" T& ]1 J' h
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
4 v1 X% k3 Z8 T7 IWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
& ^, f" O: a5 O9 [9 W# n/ ^% k2 S6 `路人警官Clarky上场。1 T% e0 Y# J, f+ s2 J; r# W
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.% ~. b& b  H0 x4 P
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
% Z+ v  [$ A! E( H& s( Y得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
- J; ?. b0 w2 Y. W, _( F+ LWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?! k6 O9 X' G  m! U
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
$ P/ L1 g8 L9 L. w2 n8 f（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
4 X9 b* j. _5 v; T2 U( JHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.  U; p+ v. N( u* l
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）$ Z* O& v0 P4 o% J
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. e" y& T; h3 f/ `2 L, F+ N河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。  x. e. Q/ c7 }
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
1 H9 @" B; z' bBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…  y  w2 }; Y6 q- ]* A- v
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
& S8 c% d% Y3 [死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。+ q* c! ]$ S) e, x  I/ A  h* X1 s0 n
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
, k0 i6 ]7 d- Q6 X1 S3 ^$ S- Y后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
* j7 p- z( G+ z- V/ f, E3 aHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）  K5 g6 s: c! z2 g" i; g; Y% K9 [
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。7 g8 x3 t* J8 X
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.( o3 q. T3 S" Z2 U! j
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
9 X" G+ h' _5 b7 t$ U* I话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。# G$ _1 R6 S0 c1 u1 O0 b, E
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）: P0 b! \: @/ L4 G: p
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
7 H4 W& m: K9 h: a2 t& VHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）# l: p% D+ R' O9 o
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?6 M( [! i9 ?' }$ E
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
- L- w% O7 z6 T3 DHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）, C: X" a. w( j
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
5 X4 _# a% S. Y% G1 FHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）8 ~: C% H5 Y9 _7 _- n% O$ i+ f
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
! i( e+ Z( s/ C& E, {# N) m2 SMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）7 x% b/ V; h" z/ I/ B9 v
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）; l1 ?. `. J7 t" V+ L9 T
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……