《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。2 e+ n) K6 Z, l& U( @
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。6 G+ J5 u5 v4 l9 u
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）! C  o& U& O- K  r+ @, D0 T" L$ ?
Holmes: I just picked it up.% k& h1 K2 D3 [: X4 d7 O  y, f
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
9 c; O+ G% H9 |8 jHolmes: Knew I forgot something.& ]$ H8 X2 \8 z) w: |
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
6 y/ c2 N. r: uHolmes: You did.
+ g+ W4 z9 {7 g/ p' S0 t; d# `（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）0 f7 {; m# h" ~% s& d; ]
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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# u& D& d- c& o- I& b宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。* B9 B3 @4 d/ I; q: s
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
& b" ~5 l0 z1 M" W; e0 {! Z* ]Holmes: Granted.
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9 p& T/ ^, L; V* b9 @' ~晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。3 H1 t4 d& r* }. r% ]* T, Z1 m
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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8 G0 @; ?7 i6 M7 G拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。# m. P" f& N. e
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- W3 ~: c) ]" V/ w! O# V1 K5 C: r9 SWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。4 w* @* l# f, B, f/ x
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）! t0 K: t' _: X$ A( N
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# q2 x9 J4 W% W! x( H+ v. ~9 YHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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1 ^. L# h. D) u& O5 S: `0 C, Q: y$ L6 GBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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9 a% \4 K* v' i: B! R7 ^" IIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
0 C' c7 c6 G, B( }- w6 |（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
2 {4 }3 \- n( @/ E1 l6 pIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?- M) K1 H* u) d% ?5 W, _
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
: S. X( j' u: j' p+ DIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.3 V5 L' k  C" H2 l4 }3 E
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) w3 m1 Y! V; N4 m2 `Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
6 u" b2 M& u' XHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）  Y( L9 g7 c6 \$ K/ y
Watson: Get that out of my face.
# I$ J% J  ?# n/ |) N2 _Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.$ d; O  O4 [6 M  L5 z9 G
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face./ z$ N, H2 K; Z. U1 s, a
路人警官Clarky上场。2 R1 d; T$ |* i3 o) r
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
7 x- h4 ^# E: P9 Y# `% J3 t7 AHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）7 f8 [3 h: a8 ^  l/ T9 k6 ?* _
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。- \# E' B* |* r8 w" h; T3 {7 o" C
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
- [' c" h4 y" |0 VHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.- c% p+ t! j; U5 U. i
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
2 Q3 a% O9 [  O) W5 U. q: _) T（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
4 e. ?4 J# O) eHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
$ u% d) K% R, I# z4 GWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）! @' q1 ~. D+ W( H* F
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
) F! V# U7 o( L* ]% lHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）2 t( m+ k0 W% h8 E! u+ h* H
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
0 ?8 \5 ]9 o- [/ e4 M# ]Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）1 h) j1 m" a! x% E, w6 @  s
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
" n7 i( _7 B8 u+ n6 b# a2 `3 ^Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）+ G' Y9 L& t+ E! k/ L# y
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。( {% N: h4 c, F/ C) l7 x5 E$ O3 ?4 ^
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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7 L9 r3 f6 P: f7 X' f8 u警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。' R& ^# _! |/ \
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.7 U8 V$ ^0 g. B% a
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。( l" y  M7 E4 m  q) v$ p1 e. Z
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
$ T4 `4 w3 N: z2 e+ wHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）5 H( X2 b1 f" |5 ^; A
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）/ k) v( {% @3 b) }2 s
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
/ d! _. a) Z; zMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
, c. e. s% h* M6 r4 J+ t* dWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）- K& Y! t* v) t, G) j
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）' b/ L+ r8 w7 J1 b5 E
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）' n6 N6 z0 V" w0 A, h2 m
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
1 D5 C, A' k2 m6 t6 E# mWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）! T, z' ?" P( o% G
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）7 N2 T' O0 o" R3 m* O8 y9 q# s
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）1 i; @2 x4 k# P" a# Y
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* U. W/ O' I! O: X( g总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……