《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。- f, d* E' k- x- d; T  z
***********( Y/ E2 ]; Q# G, `
1．
& [4 R% u8 z6 q影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
! f8 d" h2 X* W; \9 XWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
4 y( _3 ~4 P# p, jHolmes: I just picked it up.5 Y5 m1 m8 Z  f- m+ ~9 }
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
! l; J! k5 w* k7 JHolmes: Knew I forgot something.  u! Y+ a! f+ L
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
7 ~  {" x# F% R" j# E% ZHolmes: You did.3 l0 O) o# J% y( w4 c9 }8 n8 e8 `! e
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）  o; n$ I5 v) L' R3 q
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.. o5 @( X0 z( w( d% C4 x
2．
) q1 [, \4 Y) u( k3 R( G宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
7 c3 s% h0 ]" ]$ sWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
- a# z+ o; g2 y% A# |Holmes: Granted.. c6 ^0 U# _+ Y( n$ _$ e) Y# }' d9 [7 ?
3.
: o! a9 T$ Y2 k1 I1 _+ ?2 X晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。# |" m# o( _6 i! `1 P/ j7 J" q
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
+ z$ }; ]. ^. P8 j7 {/ J% b- _; ^4．) k: z+ U9 y. x3 ]
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。1 p1 a! x# t! A5 k: h3 n3 ~# S
5．
4 ]( R) ?/ M0 Q: h( q( _Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
9 ]7 o8 S: E( Q4 H, [* XWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）" S& ?: e% `4 @' r+ c2 i6 c
6．
: S7 G/ G: T# @# }( ^Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
; [" j( u3 ?: p0 a4 R+ D5 Q7．: n7 ^' N2 t7 O# Y" L
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
" o9 W% y1 A- g8．
5 A! h! v  A* zIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。9 U/ s9 p% U- O7 n: D2 Y
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）7 F6 v) w" ~# m
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?! Z2 H) n5 c: m7 x
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
# t! |6 e$ S8 b5 m! @/ o- ZIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.! M% {! D- \: |% J% G( _
9．
: V! p5 `( S8 lIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
& {# p9 ~6 \9 X! Z% }Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
8 t& w2 S& c( P1 SWatson: Get that out of my face.
: b4 A3 h+ r( M1 L6 mHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.; Q7 _! \" ?& T) C8 k; C! o* [, U# `+ [
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
* n/ M$ n' E" D* e9 ~  y" ?; \3 g路人警官Clarky上场。
% q# b" [) g) Z; F7 c" M. R; |2 pClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.! i7 @. O. O4 @* I) B; b$ z
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）4 P' U6 I# F# f8 G
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。! e+ n" u' j' ~$ M- N
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?1 X1 M! ?' w* c+ u" i% H
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
; m- a) ?. y0 ?' n  D10.
* E9 u+ C& F/ k' y% c% H: D墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
6 J1 W. W  @- p（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）/ l, y7 _( l1 k8 H
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.5 t' ~2 ]9 o) c7 f! B/ O( S! D" q: c
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）! ]: K* E1 d" L) X( U/ @! K- k) s
11．/ p" i$ \2 Y( X0 {& u7 Q' G
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。0 K6 F' v( |. Q+ E# [; y( f
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）0 ]* w4 A( c1 e9 F) A+ `
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
, d5 L% U) t7 JWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
* `0 F) o5 o# b9 H0 [死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。9 C) D/ G9 R6 B' \8 ?) f# b) P
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
$ T2 [% G. h  C4 }* G4 ]4 |; q后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。. a" {  m# O1 v. g1 z# n
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
  \' q. c$ S! M" ^" K; T12．: p- b& V9 N  s
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
/ `2 T& d% r4 F& E; FLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
; Z$ D" X9 f; b# u7 w0 {13.5 j( A; F8 P( l2 U, A" X  U0 ]
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
$ X$ G8 i, ~: ?话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。8 Q! J3 e: Z" N
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
9 A! B: h6 e+ n4 N$ f# _8 ]1 {Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
5 G( c# l* I! {7 ?. D+ L* n, ]4 e! ~Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）* \8 x7 o! o; N& f. ?" }0 v& V
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?1 ?, A7 K: W+ F5 S6 Q
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
. m8 }0 q( w: l2 xHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
( i8 G. o$ B9 N* E" MWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）  b+ u' k9 T3 E, I: C
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）- y: P' ?9 G1 I* q0 z
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）: \- R7 ^' r3 A# N, }* t, d, r
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
) L7 f8 U' Q7 F（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
$ U: `' x4 O  {  ^6 [***********
. G) ^3 f- y2 `* s2 O! `3 X3 O; j总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……