《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。+ _/ X$ @$ {; o4 s/ I
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; p# R* A* Z( H0 z. Q影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
1 }7 |3 y2 w. I/ {8 g% ~Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）3 b' r3 r1 @. T
Holmes: I just picked it up.! y) F* F) x0 ]% B% |: X
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）3 K: [5 M5 D5 h8 Z, ~
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.: v" p4 O: D. |6 }% K
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
! @9 `0 W* e- `0 S1 T7 o1 FHolmes: You did.
4 A1 D/ s6 Q( q3 P( q（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
6 g. o+ Y# x: P0 S! g$ w/ w4 AHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.3 R0 M: y/ E! o7 s$ h9 o
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。& w: Y3 _! }' @1 v
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
) i" e5 z# _- C' J$ y# BHolmes: Granted.9 m6 N$ y. H5 h3 K% O
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
1 g7 D  r: A2 Q, n4 ?1 TWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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: g1 C- s) z9 E7 G, ^- t+ q拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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; C# u* w0 {2 Z& T) v' XWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。6 e) V0 b6 A6 O4 p3 u  C8 Y
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）8 h/ i- k) _, z% H3 X; d1 d$ a
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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+ M4 r5 F6 c' ]# dBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。4 ~: ]4 j: O* x
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
. l# W5 c! H1 e+ R- A（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
0 @3 g/ L' Q+ @% @! P1 Y9 GIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
' s- T. f4 n, |: d! S4 _5 u' XHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
9 e, o1 s; _/ X" E* @: J/ uIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.* X/ Z! C1 l' ]( b4 y# Z
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3 X1 U* T7 Q; p* d- XIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
( u0 N- H- T& {Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）' [2 v2 l) ]. d/ ^* Q  l5 a- I3 A( n( I
Watson: Get that out of my face.# F# j  k( Q! p7 J
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
& [  k2 D+ S2 X! Y& `5 KWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.7 S5 H9 ?% ~! O- ~5 g* ~; T& ^
路人警官Clarky上场。
6 G* H# M/ d% E5 U: k) p6 eClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
+ [9 m- `' f+ t6 U( a$ KHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）0 ]3 b' d  o. @. L( O/ r
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。5 m, j6 a7 N# }1 ~7 Z$ K
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?' u. J1 q, E# M( c! Z
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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6 @( b- u3 u) J3 V墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。4 o) Y' q6 K/ S8 v, H$ F  ]2 N
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）. g. n3 p8 A" Y
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
  y3 t) _5 H8 B5 p. ~Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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" ], Z5 Z3 z3 ~) c' ~# c河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。  q4 G  h" @. x% V$ ?* |- H5 N
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）# \) h1 M/ `* ?2 W1 [3 z+ [7 ?
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
3 g" L2 p% n+ k& y& `Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）$ q1 Z9 j) X0 g7 f0 e1 N
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
9 X$ o! `3 a8 w& H+ DHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）  J& T& [) z9 D- h, _+ y
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。) }2 Z  P& t4 G4 N/ e  f$ u
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。6 Y+ [8 g$ }$ h
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.7 i1 x$ C) A5 F% f! p" h7 N
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。) E) w8 l& ^/ J1 E, c, D. @  S
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。" n& ~: p: S  M& E' S9 H
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
$ n  G+ h( P8 bWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）) P. X$ q4 ~/ d5 P' n) P" n
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）; X( n* O; S% T: x$ A, {: v
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?1 G+ Z1 E2 O; x" `9 q5 T
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）/ z$ G2 y1 O6 J0 a
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）- S  D" O* a* \6 d. s7 O
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）6 A2 x# A- E9 \1 ?' N. F* j0 S
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）! Z/ c% a( E& J8 P$ Q' z/ P# A/ D
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
9 m# ^" E  U! n5 n* W  FMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
5 p3 P/ L, J7 i4 c, Y  _（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）( W9 G9 {  o" A) X. t- ]6 K
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# Y( w) H3 z1 [' h; A8 ?5 B2 V/ g总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……