《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。2 O1 G/ I/ S& ~6 }" A
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+ N  C- C0 ~6 I2 S# f影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。3 p/ s* h* z* u( Q7 O/ a- p
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）& V( ?% `0 E+ }4 Z! ]
Holmes: I just picked it up.& i5 r6 y% H' a; V. s0 p% T; _' q
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
5 c5 D1 ]( }$ K2 n8 j( \  KHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
  E& S; x0 E8 f( t; e( N2 u! }0 j1 mWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
4 o# ~" g8 `8 K9 t* R: QHolmes: You did.5 }! i7 Z  Z9 v5 P, s
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）' V0 P2 T* w, h# R$ N1 |$ {
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.- ^9 p# U: H9 V! E; w9 N/ f
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4 d# Q- J/ e8 @% t6 P0 e# j5 i, a, Q宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
) a& ^3 s' Q8 u! |2 NWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
7 _% s0 Y. K& u6 \- h5 W6 Z/ ~Holmes: Granted.5 h) o$ U, \5 z! V
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8 D- f) Q5 J8 ?& w; j晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
6 @- t4 |) Z. _- ~% YWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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! ~" a: c8 I1 `6 A8 S; n拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。( G/ K& a, A2 Y7 p. I6 A, ~
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( f- m, t+ @  S5 E: R* K2 GWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
; s5 i, [2 d/ f4 K9 P: y$ TWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。" ~. h# K% ]" t' Q* Q. W
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( Q' T, m& l) }, XIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。: P2 ~2 p/ o% A
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）  P% P+ {  K2 L: G5 Y) J  f
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?" B6 R" Y0 F/ J" D! j1 m) r* V: R" E
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
7 h$ T# ^# `  ^, ~Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.3 \; n) q) o1 t; S& ?2 y: `
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3 F8 r) O8 g8 LIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
* k1 E+ |# x2 S2 L1 [  SHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）; e3 X2 }* t( \7 y7 G
Watson: Get that out of my face.
1 a# l/ Y+ A. D/ l8 jHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.6 b3 L$ s& n# U$ \) c$ n
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
+ L; U, c( {9 Y/ ^7 B路人警官Clarky上场。
- `& d9 B" Q, m% S  V  cClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.  A: \. t+ M/ s4 p9 S8 q- j. T
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
9 m4 S$ i) m" W, c8 O得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。$ G6 t! T0 v+ X
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?0 s  b/ @1 v- X$ j  X( R
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.# K% ]; q7 _) N) E$ w( O! p
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4 u) M8 S( P! m. [9 n0 j& z/ Z墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。  _7 J) J8 _& j
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）( v: b7 ?3 D6 ]$ J5 y( O
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely./ \  O0 W$ I8 ^# w
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）1 Q0 b& g1 ]' z$ m
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) K# r$ J( L$ |0 Q' `5 _9 y河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。% U  @' P: O+ n: D) k0 {: z' T
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
9 t) G4 u3 x# Y% o; b% JBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…& ?5 J9 d2 T4 {8 g
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）2 a+ J5 Y4 p5 ?' }
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
/ C: b8 q* T- W2 q. RHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）# O8 V4 b1 B0 t: n
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
3 v' o# Y) N  \# p! G  ]Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）/ k, E2 x& r! u9 F, ^
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
" X2 B+ Z' Z  a$ @% b7 CLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.) o) T4 q+ s" y, |% v7 `/ B8 N# q
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" h) y7 e+ i9 ?- v: E接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。6 B% y' u* h% ]2 x) w1 R
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。6 x+ I1 U2 X' F
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
" S  S3 |* h, O+ x3 mWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
6 C( K6 f0 u, H  l  d! F' N  sHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
6 q6 g/ x# j/ N$ j* VMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?% x; x7 N2 w2 o1 X: T/ H
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）7 L# G$ {; K+ ^6 Y! @
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）1 ^0 N+ ?# c; p
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）6 v# @3 f  z0 t
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
: @3 ]; F( @7 |) L. rWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
+ u1 C; Q  w9 s2 Z1 `Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）% a$ E- |( {) ]3 K. b! z
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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/ }' L/ b, b3 Q& ~; @$ m4 _总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……