《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。% z2 U8 p% d7 ]! H4 H! E
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。/ D6 S; z8 o/ {  ]
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）" ~1 T- X* T; p4 e! C7 e" A, ^
Holmes: I just picked it up.
& m2 R( E# S1 _# G2 j% |$ h  K( bWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）" }1 B: L9 h( c. N5 G
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.; o8 C+ H1 \+ C, V7 {1 N. R8 z% z9 r
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
1 ]& k' z5 M4 K3 @1 o7 F8 tHolmes: You did.
! {7 o/ m5 o( |7 n: h( Q7 s（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
) n5 V, f3 S0 l1 F6 AHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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5 w# y$ s. N: M宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。0 F* R' o$ R+ T
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
1 C% z# u2 h4 n! ?Holmes: Granted." m) u- C) v& [: m: h5 w, Z1 h
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
( h: W' J* u# t+ r2 B! L# |4 @Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。6 |- w" S( n8 G5 y
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）) M) I9 |. I; r4 v% @
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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! m- w# Z/ L+ @$ @+ QBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。8 b2 U8 H% f" ?: w% [* W1 c( }+ \
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6 Z7 Q1 Q' s; @& WIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
  Z/ g4 O% s% G0 y4 U1 b（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
+ o' o; S1 m, o) [- vIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
, ]  x8 M  Q& m7 s; a  LHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）* ~5 h4 S! f* R! k& u2 k; ^
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.4 w/ l0 u3 U( F% k7 e  D
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。: b# I3 z7 O; e$ v! Z
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）. w7 y3 t4 }$ |
Watson: Get that out of my face.  @. V5 ^) S. u1 D  v% F
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
$ R( N6 R7 k% ~$ l5 ?- BWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
4 I# s8 K$ V5 V路人警官Clarky上场。" y! i. j" w& E; `
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.# k) G' e% c1 [, D0 _" @8 e
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
4 N6 p, P" v% ]  r( E2 Q6 e得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
$ L, q" m( W& ^, k- f" YWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?; v  Z5 @* h! L2 q" J+ |! K! D
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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) l, A7 i/ j3 Z* h" ~8 J4 o墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
( m2 B, k5 f+ r/ C4 S7 a（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）* X( O9 a1 E* p( V
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.; W0 Z+ y- t% K
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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5 p" T, v$ U+ H) k河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。" z4 n4 ~* j8 w1 O8 a" V! y7 |
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）) \1 [" u, s9 F2 E% b) v% K$ ~
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
7 }6 s- f# p) e- jWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）; t' m8 M2 w) i8 p  K! f% i
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
7 |* x  P; Z/ @Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）3 b1 q. e& N- R: H$ L, x% Z
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
& g& n) L& h+ @  r5 BHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。, N: w) m# g. _6 w5 k
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.; _! A, h$ l( L! K. C, `+ {0 }
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
( [( B" k/ ~+ [话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。- E4 W8 w$ J2 e, G* K
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）' V" M! t0 M: |, R5 r% {& W" g
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）, f/ k: D2 S; f: l
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
0 _6 q# e4 B5 ~# HMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?3 F5 _2 n; T! z* q
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）" d7 j5 [( \8 M' V/ y1 [, K
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）4 Y; D1 q4 I3 x: p
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
' x& j! b, L, x, sHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
8 s  D, m1 D/ E5 q7 O6 x" |8 jWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
, c* i9 C5 Y1 f) r* qMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）8 r3 f4 E; y3 E" |
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）5 e2 M7 B: m$ I6 D  d* d# B
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. h  r3 i' z$ j, K总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……