《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。; {8 n9 n- g& `  B8 V5 i8 O* z
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
7 ?( r: d! V7 M3 e& b6 V. K% [Holmes: I just picked it up.
( {7 R  U) N5 \, eWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
1 j( s8 [. f* u- |+ l- Q: V+ D9 GHolmes: Knew I forgot something.1 t! U) O) N% d5 G
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
5 B. [! x6 v' T8 j* a+ ~Holmes: You did.
; _" j9 a% j. ^7 v0 O; J* t（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）1 @0 \) ]; P" i! e
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
( {$ z8 j* H  O, n3 u1 D, o- iWatson: Permission to enter the armory.- |, \- z& J2 a# K4 J: n: Q
Holmes: Granted.& M9 T) u0 w6 ~  D! B9 a
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。5 E+ q- b  a) b4 I
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）, U! u8 W2 Z/ e
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& j2 C# v" h. w; ^7 h5 R拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。# P9 {' M! c  ], P1 x& F% v
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- c, G1 _& ?, ~: aWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
; q' P* }$ l( L9 a. eWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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/ |, R$ X4 ?- _, w9 _Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。9 y# l8 p2 u7 T
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。0 P( G( P/ J# }. W! L
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）. f/ w, l2 Q, }! s4 v( B$ ?
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
2 w, l& R, w( O  C% q7 E- t' C4 jHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
5 n# ?8 O& s9 JIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.1 }1 a& p/ R- w% {/ Y
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% A5 r# h9 Z- N  e" T9 G. t: |- wIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
! O' a3 X9 n" P) OHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）/ _3 @6 l! g* z; D7 F8 H* t
Watson: Get that out of my face.
" J: U) x& r$ B( ]7 t/ {Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
  b& w; S# Y; j# `3 w+ DWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
5 \3 S' M( D3 T- P& t路人警官Clarky上场。  A  |6 }; u) i: B* W: B
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
! b4 O* Z- t0 BHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
) W9 A1 s1 w! P& X4 E6 l得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
" A7 |& Y* S, f2 Q" g* V6 mWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?: e# V2 x( U0 u# s7 v" {1 b7 f
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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. [+ S0 ~  I0 P( A墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。  x  u! Z2 P( U( c# o& i
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
/ Y1 H0 \7 a9 x3 Z3 `% bHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.* S9 }  b; O9 ]
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）$ u  D' Z# J1 q6 ^
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。" w! W6 M' f. _( z+ d
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）' x+ u0 {) h1 L) N7 D& `
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…. k. o3 ]+ v# Q& j5 [6 D. Z9 K
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
) y& B  i# T+ n0 h- l0 H死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
  e& b3 N/ n3 |0 V: M) H% ?Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
! ^6 ]5 M5 h4 I* V1 Z+ ]后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。6 q4 I' G# m' g! ?. G
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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  L6 i6 d- N/ |& z警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。/ }5 y* k1 X7 t4 ?9 F8 H
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。% i9 w- q% Y6 K8 g/ z& ^$ H
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
& C# W& O" s2 ZHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）' }6 U$ d. w9 y  |# T$ |
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）( U% j4 v( V  c( L8 h
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）0 X& O4 y- Q) L3 ^
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?  H+ L4 M& a! V8 G8 m. n7 X1 t% e
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）* |/ x! J( }+ m% V
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）$ t$ W) E" E$ r' X1 H
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
1 d8 h* t" H! g3 v, F% UHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）1 @1 c- T- U" P
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）- ~& i; c# I8 o8 Y2 ?' a7 Z$ Y% Z) Y
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
, t. B) m0 L9 z（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）$ l( g" v* d1 M  |6 G3 T4 G0 a" c
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……