《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。# l, S, }8 ~: J5 ]7 F" o
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
  u  [8 [( S+ e& P: _+ B9 iHolmes: I just picked it up.) m0 ]7 y$ J) p& e
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
- b$ E, d) E; p# e4 AHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
0 }& ?$ Y9 r8 k# e+ FWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
6 B- K/ b- y9 _5 {Holmes: You did.
$ Z8 Q" p8 `% I# Y7 ^（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）7 J( O8 ~! J6 Y* [3 g7 }
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
' A) F6 h" b7 i, K: }& w. `7 pWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
9 r$ |3 P. u! D9 G: a5 d7 N5 X* g* mHolmes: Granted.. s4 Q5 Z6 L9 q! N- ~1 u
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8 N: z4 C! P. i3 V  F晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
3 Z6 Z. Z6 y& jWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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7 h/ a* \+ Q9 p2 g& q! eWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。. v, c: l: Y/ |( z1 S" N& N
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）: ^) b8 ?3 H) w: n  |; u: M6 N7 I3 y
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。( k3 i9 p+ |% d3 t2 u: g# V0 d
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。- y% v  W. A. ^# g5 k: L2 M
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- f/ m+ y9 h2 C$ u- `! T' [Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。9 j% [) H; o% D# c9 {' Z/ Q, r
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
. B. B0 v# J) ^: QIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?5 C0 g& E! m9 X) s% d
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
  U% L$ P/ b- l! G4 O9 `Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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& o( o$ N& O9 u2 W/ [! OIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
; L) g! I5 V. u( i: R7 CHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
! g9 b( h" N" `6 a7 B! [% _, FWatson: Get that out of my face.$ k4 |8 z2 u4 v
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
$ r: h& D0 X% Q- c1 SWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
& q1 R5 `2 ~0 S" k. K% S3 c路人警官Clarky上场。* ~6 S1 p4 S$ F* H4 r5 ]8 ?! q$ n
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.  s) @0 [% T' y
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）% Q# D, S0 C/ i& j* N
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。6 p' A: c  p3 N- [1 _
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
& u3 F) ~  P' p9 ~. ?: S1 k) q0 kHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
' s* \7 a/ \, @+ L  n, @$ p7 ~（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）3 F( F8 U. c2 O1 I% [) p
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
' r; H6 k. O; M' w1 [Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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+ b0 F$ e, z( S  a河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。% `2 c1 W$ q1 h. g! m4 P( a
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
9 O! i; [5 V5 n! j& G" C, ^Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
0 Y/ m* o9 ^# \; h6 fWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）6 {; E  g; {+ {5 M# h
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
* `/ X3 H( k4 _0 l7 W" r6 aHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）* N7 {$ ?  w# S5 {- m
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
4 b6 J& Z8 B$ b8 r4 @Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。1 }8 o2 x" J/ m0 N5 J
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.! S- L* Y' f. @) w: ^
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。' e7 p4 ~- r7 u
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。& O- `9 O! e+ |- G  E8 W/ Z1 X
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）4 q, H& d  h# c$ ?2 k& N
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）* ~9 D# [3 ~+ F, b4 M) V
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）: D  _/ M- T3 J# z- J
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
- S( P; n0 o/ N, L" w1 nWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
7 M! y0 B# E. aHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
* `3 M: D3 L; e# {. Y  L  TWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）% f6 X0 z9 r# C" U2 f$ q/ _5 l
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
% Q, W( ~# w% aWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
5 N/ R4 y% d3 w9 c* N# }/ mMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
1 H5 p6 u& r* q8 u0 c" P3 u2 }（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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( j, ?; q) a8 j. _2 p总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……