《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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. H! C4 B5 D5 v( @, y/ O影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。0 C0 D& I' X5 I
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
, d' r1 C$ t: j, C2 ZHolmes: I just picked it up.
- {) Z& s8 Z' X, `Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）( X6 O9 `& d6 b% `6 c' r, ^0 q3 ?
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.( Y# F& Y2 N- d1 ^1 ]9 M
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）3 S7 u9 w8 w$ L: o: Y& l
Holmes: You did.6 @# F" P$ I' X+ [
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）& K- C1 n: `6 `+ Q. l# R, q
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.8 f  h; p: M1 f
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7 {( }8 d7 v1 k) i4 T  s4 X8 q宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。! g' O8 p# w2 N9 g/ v4 t1 |
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
2 z: z. s% b- x. y3 o3 vHolmes: Granted.% A& n# H0 ?& W9 ^
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。. e% v: l- Q/ G" c$ b
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
' r- t1 p9 d! K5 }" hWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）) Q+ M7 X7 |! L
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, A  \4 {3 {: |8 i  }Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。9 ~7 v1 x9 O! z; o
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。% L( |: c' y9 I
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。5 g9 }+ S+ ?8 I0 y
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
1 ^2 o& n; X* k4 r2 GIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?+ M5 F9 [& P# N( B2 _
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
: K$ Y8 j" C. t" y# |9 e/ fIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
! y; r9 K* E3 ^$ F5 r1 i: k& wHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）7 ^0 M) _$ K+ ?/ j& I9 t. V2 x
Watson: Get that out of my face.) a0 h  Q& L" d8 y
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
+ o$ q" u/ \' [* NWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.% @3 l, \. U6 C4 E6 A6 b
路人警官Clarky上场。% W" C$ J) X+ e6 w/ ]8 S8 h: G
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
3 U/ ]* ?& z* `- l  NHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
1 t* @% g+ q# A5 J: @+ G* H: `得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
6 t5 @! o9 i  u7 Q  p$ wWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
& y5 U7 j2 F# O& f* wHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.3 |8 P/ P3 M: a0 i
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
% J  l; _  m! U! h8 S. o8 }（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）% [' s+ J  ~: E! f- h" l
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.: w# |; F* \8 C: v5 @" F
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）0 N. [+ t$ J5 B2 g& z
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
) o9 R) v8 C" j5 v" u* w9 MHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
# B. v9 y' E) O' C/ ZBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
+ }! ?" M% J0 f+ \5 D; ZWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）. t, ?6 `  e6 U6 C
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。- u7 s% {% X& B$ z0 U/ l8 p! T* l: A
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）. Q, k  Y! J( Z! T; d1 c9 y7 T6 G
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。/ `4 l0 k) s3 ^* B8 N; p6 B
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）+ f3 J8 |" H2 _
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; @+ f. Q- B$ S7 Z警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
" X) |/ i! I! m7 K+ Q7 H, pLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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+ S2 g1 i$ N; y9 C1 o* n4 S接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。0 B+ J" X0 m, b' U+ Z# M
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。( j( a6 u  j! E7 v
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
0 R  d: ~6 s8 h" V2 k4 M6 QWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）6 m! m9 I7 n% A7 \$ m9 }
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
, S  R* n* z3 \) M( yMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
. v; v4 B- H; _Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
7 o# O& i! g. R" C! e" l2 K5 GHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）' X) ]8 [% f/ }8 U
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）1 G  [8 }% H. O
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
/ ~5 T4 U) V! aWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）3 X2 Z3 [$ m, u+ m$ i: o1 G
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）6 s& _, ?( e  d5 ]% @
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）. R! T# ^7 [+ \; k/ g8 D
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( a' L/ }1 E( T% |* Q总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……