《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。2 M4 @1 B3 O7 x* M% f: K' V
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
7 t, U* j9 h3 }& |* B( [. \- `* YHolmes: I just picked it up.
: s: H2 S3 w9 R; j& h" {Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）' m  |4 \2 @+ x" y/ f
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.; W$ C' C3 ?& j# d6 h; ?
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
' }+ K% h: P, i; i- H& EHolmes: You did.0 p  f  x/ J. ]2 e
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
4 ~1 `5 F: f" U+ ~/ q' BHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.) A! _& a, {; D) n  K
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  r+ O( _7 Y; f宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。6 M% w9 V3 P4 @( U) x3 F5 S
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
$ s$ @0 G; x8 F& ~3 b+ U# ]Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。* r3 K3 q0 w  |) |, `
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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9 k0 N8 L$ z9 ?6 |8 }' t; D拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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$ }" E/ L( Y4 [9 b5 Q8 t  N6 SWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。4 \( V  `* q$ q9 L0 W9 e) N
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）/ T2 n) o& N( x: F  s& j: t
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。" O8 K9 {" u6 M* [
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
9 u0 h2 c1 H9 Y  }8 [Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）, h" D9 f/ u; M3 c/ [. `: |; N2 T; }
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.) s6 M/ w/ }* ~. ?9 d* \
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
! i, Q4 p+ Z! w$ w4 sHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）/ \& S6 c) w3 D6 T
Watson: Get that out of my face.
% w# Y  X4 ~9 B3 u3 _. dHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
6 S9 H& Q- d" O& M2 d, R# m& EWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.. B  t# U, e. p6 k/ l
路人警官Clarky上场。
) i8 `" a) M& t7 `Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
' |4 P) P( u  a! b: ^' q/ u6 jHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
0 h8 n# I* V" h9 q; y" {, a% {* q得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。$ z- M4 ~% I2 V  J( {4 k7 @
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?! `' h' {- F' P$ x. F
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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3 v4 g6 G/ y% r1 k墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。# m. S# ^0 q$ o, ?
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
8 z. v* W! v2 lHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
9 ?. o$ I& R' o# @Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）: F) r6 R* y  {9 }
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2 i4 P" s' V# A/ u1 {3 J& p河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
0 ~/ B% ~: t9 THolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）; j. T& y0 T4 f  `5 T
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
- {6 i3 c# C0 u4 p4 RWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
, V+ z! |, V% q3 y8 P& s死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。' S3 o- s, f$ y- g( E
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
6 H2 W  s1 e/ e6 X后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。" y( |2 O% W9 |; I% m' k
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）% S" y" R( D3 T% U+ P
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
& ~  C+ r0 A2 w& c- `; Q, gLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.* q0 {$ E9 ]) K7 d- C
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
3 S7 K$ p$ A+ u. f7 ~" q) {话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。( K" }; o  E6 F' m6 u
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
6 K7 B6 K0 S: Z7 `2 E" pWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
, i# c$ Q7 X" s, u) y1 D! ?+ {Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
" s* m/ I6 R' t0 R3 f/ E- T1 YMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?. Y! C+ Y1 K& }1 x5 M
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）; Z* a' K. W' K+ M3 X8 Q6 v
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）# }5 \; _* ?  c& o
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
2 K7 E1 J: |- M" U2 q" x; m$ V% `Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
* ~3 k) K7 A! J  ]/ F4 u  CWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）4 t" V9 C9 u5 }- F1 s
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）) \+ \2 t9 n5 g' ?
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）( q" F6 J5 N$ H! U6 [, F  R# I
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! b  Z/ y- Z6 f0 s总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……