《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。4 r' L1 ~: P0 Q, \. [8 s4 |1 f6 M
***********8 z/ O5 N) x+ ^, }) I0 J
1．
+ Q5 p( X6 T) T$ I+ D& f! M, S影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
0 f2 m0 ]* @/ k4 N' R. JWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
% p. T% t% _/ A) w$ R* ]# ~Holmes: I just picked it up.2 b0 ~' W: ^& [; N
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
- A; C2 Q$ a- `( p" m/ _Holmes: Knew I forgot something.8 H% @6 w! d' ~4 u7 t
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）) F; ]6 {; l4 p' ]$ w# X
Holmes: You did.
( y- D4 z& q* T: E（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）0 a& j! ^8 q. P6 M! D! h& z5 o
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.3 O6 P1 ~8 X2 j
2．# r+ X0 G3 A: y9 c  I9 R7 O) a
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
9 o: s  \) K8 p# i; U* \8 uWatson: Permission to enter the armory.2 a$ H# }3 A2 R( O: R( e  K
Holmes: Granted.9 T! l: ~, A# j. w  a. f4 c
3.
/ t' D9 ]3 X6 O$ d晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。2 S% v0 d2 L1 Z7 f7 V6 Q
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）4 Z' }5 \" S$ h
4．! }1 E2 l/ K0 F: N" I! ]
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。' W% T3 F. U1 Q6 j7 ~
5．
6 ~" J! @7 O; P) yWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。% Q( e8 h! ?. k$ o
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
: p* d! A6 o4 J5 y7 a6．$ A) g) f9 P* C  {! d  D
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
+ J. {, v  y- m+ O0 j7 _7．" b1 F( y5 m8 E6 X1 }
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
' k. _3 o4 H/ T% z' W' e" i/ k8．$ {, Q1 L( T9 s3 E
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。" t, P5 T, W5 k/ ~, |8 q1 e
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
7 @( k$ R. x( g7 EIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
% R1 z3 D9 q9 _+ n# K2 R/ R, ZHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
0 n  E6 [: H  J- V) F2 ?( qIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.' |1 ^0 _9 L" M0 J' h) M
9．
" [! ~. B. r1 v) H' X8 ]Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。9 g0 m$ }* T$ n
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
; O; F4 ?) u0 L2 _Watson: Get that out of my face.
9 O+ X( |8 j4 ~. ^$ bHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
/ {, ^4 p, [& t% a1 NWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.# q( X& D' `* _
路人警官Clarky上场。
, ]1 K1 [  ]+ W- |Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
9 L  O: ^' N6 X5 EHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
/ K* c9 K9 E" f! i% z- \& r, Y$ f得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。- E7 Q7 z  y* S0 N3 |* r( B1 e
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
; \9 h4 l/ }/ t& H1 WHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.* T9 o! P& R( [! @
10.0 ]. \6 |: d6 o3 O
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。0 K0 N8 E2 u' v& G) k
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）" k! g" K# o8 ~
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
# h$ c( `, a2 p( bWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
( p# h3 e6 L! ^11．0 f6 V1 r: o7 Q0 l- O: O; M
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
9 i( d& J1 a) ^2 u1 q1 eHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
/ B0 A8 n5 G2 W- k; m4 w+ HBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
9 M1 o; P$ \' @8 ]! x: xWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）  C# c& `9 E9 D& c% e, Q
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。" V$ V0 |1 M. l8 M+ F0 a2 F
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
8 G$ ?# K3 z; s6 {, E9 k后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
6 p% B; L" h1 cHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
" t4 D( m. n/ K, h/ z4 X12．
% w) D' c) [7 n8 r8 ~) d/ u/ H! \! k警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。$ `/ M6 r8 U6 a, w# q
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
# D# ]) d1 x& v. ~# R- l. }13.7 Q  T8 Q. b/ c; B
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。. A7 }/ G' p; X% Y1 V
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
/ V$ ?( I* [) T4 h, b2 t, u0 ?Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
/ U' H" M* b) \# O% J( \' xWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）3 c, F6 d! M( q5 N( k
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）4 A$ v. e0 V" n9 _8 m1 i! t( ]$ X. M
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
/ ]% P! h" j) @! d; {Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
% F* o( Q7 ]' f4 x( O+ K, m; dHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）  }. q( Z" o( z3 D1 \- i
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）4 X1 R8 g: Q7 j8 r' B& a
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）( W5 H4 n' U7 Z! v; @. U
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
* r$ l2 a- U# N  H, \Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
0 F2 D' V; q0 |7 m* e* F3 A. t（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
1 A8 e! n8 E' _( D% T6 K  ^+ P***********- }! i- a. I* I* [4 h- K$ r
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……