《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。# j5 V" C. s8 Z/ I) W; S
***********. _/ M% ~6 E) a! E
1．
3 t5 F: c5 g" ]+ h$ m影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
+ y4 C1 U3 I: ]! W# ~Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
; t4 \. _% D6 f7 [9 sHolmes: I just picked it up.
( t  |; P( Z& H% F) {: o# W1 K* O8 }8 qWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）/ h& \0 y* i# \' V: p' ?6 s
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
' e# f+ d4 \! D& f' rWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
( q$ s% Z  _$ F/ qHolmes: You did.
! C. T1 f( H/ Q' ~: e（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
( o/ B$ i% [* qHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
+ [  O/ S% [0 D4 E2．8 |9 Q! ]7 C6 \$ s4 B+ C
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
" G9 g, k' f9 \' {Watson: Permission to enter the armory.$ z9 f/ Z7 m3 ^. E- t4 S- E2 S
Holmes: Granted.
1 B! ]: Z6 {' G. R& w' B3.
/ T* w2 F( q4 y, e$ F' ?晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
6 Y7 N  r  N3 {* dWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）8 l, |4 J3 r; g; B' ^; h; J) _
4．( H- \6 x2 h) ^. o+ w) w0 S
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
2 G& J" Z0 V1 O5．6 p! r" F8 v6 t+ s/ O
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。8 v1 f3 \+ j/ M. m' u/ e
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）! A6 M! U5 k& C# Z
6．
# d5 A0 L* {6 n0 g) bHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
. K" l6 y- s/ t9 ?7．/ H$ P- D' A  g1 o3 ^6 F
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。% U) d8 u: `6 K0 e. x5 d
8．  P( t. |# d& j
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
8 C* o1 Q1 [) I4 ?2 F（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）8 A5 d% ?/ J& B, \
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
/ g1 N8 `' A7 B2 e* \1 U( _# }) rHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
9 N  K+ `2 T0 a7 R$ Z" KIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
# j; y) D3 `2 _- f: c) C9．" Q: G( M, e9 s) G
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。) b. d0 q3 \0 E
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
1 [7 ^; R8 p- u( j" zWatson: Get that out of my face.
* }9 p% k2 R5 S4 a/ nHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
: [" t5 O0 `9 `8 l8 U# x" cWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
5 u) H! a) ?& I- j9 T4 E$ R路人警官Clarky上场。+ f4 p' a; D, k+ z! q. X2 _% J
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.5 k4 V" ^2 L$ {; Z* V/ k- _
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
* ~+ G5 G7 p& O: U8 Z  i. i得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
6 R8 L$ t$ h- V) cWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?6 `- a% H/ g$ g' B
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
" \! R8 w8 L$ j: N4 L$ A10.
% z2 ~! o9 i6 ~$ ]# W墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。7 \! g! w# L8 A! v1 q, T# T; a0 C
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）6 }9 x6 S9 p0 `; o: J1 {  d
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.6 H) s7 Z; u" G8 e2 I- \  {$ S
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）* Q9 M; E4 V; ^
11．
: s& W7 X/ F1 ~8 j, t河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
3 F8 X3 N/ @& p; XHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
: Z9 f3 D4 F) i; z( Z6 yBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
8 H7 Z! o* e8 h6 j7 aWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）0 t4 |$ s% E# R6 K, O1 G
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。* F/ I9 \9 B3 Q6 W$ |( y+ B
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）8 Z8 c" s, ?( N8 ~
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。7 j3 s, d. J6 Z/ o  m) o
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）7 D6 r4 p' ^, u) b3 R1 M
12．
8 l+ y  @" z1 ~* `警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
3 H* D/ G# q8 S7 cLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
1 w* V" e( K+ A; E3 W13.
4 i4 y, o  l! D接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
# W' b) h& s! r1 K话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。: S+ l! w9 W/ b, t
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
4 L1 {5 k5 e3 p0 G5 G1 y/ VWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）8 ]) _8 D" F- J' G% Y9 {2 c
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
- n! s1 T; ~6 ^' X) Z* a3 v" oMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?( O9 |5 T+ y4 \/ p
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
1 o7 E$ B  P4 o7 H' rHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）& ~4 Z; Q) p' d1 L1 V0 w! A/ W
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
; w8 q; A5 u4 k: h: g6 v( rHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
& N* X! R, W7 p$ K7 GWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
, F5 \: a: V; eMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）8 F1 c: X7 n0 u
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）; [/ @1 R! n1 F$ v$ K, g) C7 d
***********4 a' }. G7 q7 W( ~0 t9 T8 h' U8 G' a( @
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……