《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。( \8 N8 W+ W. y3 M7 A' V. L
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。0 p3 r6 Z' a' }$ S- |; U
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）6 w& ?2 J. p3 O' r2 D
Holmes: I just picked it up.) c" h* v/ x! i8 T7 u5 o1 X( ?
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）5 }/ R, y" e: w( Z) o
Holmes: Knew I forgot something." U' H' B4 b) k0 a# B% ~7 j
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）  H: Y; n' Z( ^0 g, L, h4 L- }" ^! p
Holmes: You did.; s; v. X  s- w9 t+ b
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）$ N8 Q/ F+ N" T' o* \& I4 e
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
/ ~! k, b, T# l) UWatson: Permission to enter the armory./ ^  y7 r2 Y) u. L
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
! a9 z8 X% l: e2 _% gWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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1 _; Z4 t4 y4 e) Z拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。* W6 f1 j/ r. G+ i9 @# q$ G
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  K1 H% U% F7 Q9 q1 O! o% BWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
/ k! ~9 Q( F- B/ _+ uWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。+ u, e, c+ T  Q9 U/ b
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。& A) ^  [! ~( N" p' E3 N# \
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
' N) K& Z/ J- U( S; S1 uIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
1 M, ^3 u0 J. k+ _  x5 ~Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
6 j/ ?( O6 H3 Z& MIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。. O* J1 [* T2 e- x9 V
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
0 v2 t2 l% ^, g% [. h& J+ ?Watson: Get that out of my face.9 e  U! _9 w: F3 z. A
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
8 b3 r( K' N- [3 dWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face., ?9 i  s( e4 p/ f+ n
路人警官Clarky上场。+ m* Y  ~( N+ B- B1 e
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
: v& ]: G; Y# H" K5 @: xHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）. \: h+ s1 v  m
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。# @. Q" f7 }+ F* g
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
, r2 ?+ h# R( o9 u5 XHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.  i% G1 G5 [2 m8 e: U% b# i: _' {& P
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
, W! n& ?! C8 s: ]（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）; f( e) ~: B8 Z8 B7 h/ {) H
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
$ ]/ i# R. D* \% OWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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1 \. N+ }/ r5 o6 L$ ~3 S- _( ?河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
) b: A6 S5 t  C+ A" O. QHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
2 k; a) P6 E" ABlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
3 w9 O0 M: y9 c2 J2 x6 W+ @  ]Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
& ?: H; v  D5 X6 W5 y. W# t死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。$ L  F/ ~2 r5 j" d$ b. U* R/ s8 m
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）: Z- o& g) ]: V, ~$ A3 K
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。. v% a# d2 a0 _
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）4 ^- F' i; D/ |) z, K- z+ r
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。% J6 C' ]. y! b/ j
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.- {1 _2 K" ]) v# ~6 C+ Y
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
6 C& M9 \( M$ }3 l话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。4 M2 d$ Y2 r5 `
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
7 X, ~% J/ P$ o5 ~" sWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）- [% F( }- R* J. r) b
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
% n  @' R4 C5 R( t' R- RMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?* Y4 w; R- r: @! @
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
, s1 F4 c* I( A$ K9 hHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）0 X" W  C  [! c6 M# {) P& ^
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
9 x! R! @( [9 b1 c+ e# hHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
: _4 H1 B5 v: a- _Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
4 A8 q2 s+ j7 a* Z$ w' wMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）& |, O. H% V( j6 z; b" Z- {
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）* h$ I2 [! c5 {
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1 S" z. a! `: A! _) Z! [' ~& X4 t总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……