《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。# E" W* C6 |; Z# c% f
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! @9 s4 F2 F0 @, O5 m9 Z7 U影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。% f# R' M% L7 B9 M. h
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
& F' I- ^0 u3 K6 ?8 Y# ?) UHolmes: I just picked it up.
0 N, e% n& r5 `: q% wWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
8 J. m$ ~2 F6 J3 s# d( Q( kHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
, E% U6 e! G' [5 u. QWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
, M4 I% T( D. e9 D3 NHolmes: You did.
$ \4 k$ z, y5 R& _! S: a3 _1 M& k# j（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
4 I* U6 j( F2 l( }4 Y' |Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.2 ]$ @$ _/ `6 u" _' `
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5 G' }- A1 a7 ~8 ~& x2 p# p宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
/ ^2 o, Z6 J+ p! z" a1 @Watson: Permission to enter the armory.! o+ y) e; p% \' y1 N  k6 y
Holmes: Granted." w8 o; y4 R! r$ h2 r" u( D1 A
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$ A( r6 G* G* h0 b2 b" g( K晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。$ [9 p* N* m% e  u# Y
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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/ |7 h+ P# n% I4 [5 x拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。* i* L+ _- H  L1 u% @, C
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+ X( U( a, P0 y; hWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
& S% B. R4 a4 Z7 z4 S/ UWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）$ e! c* W0 a. t. ]* e! o; P8 S7 @
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$ K/ e3 a" ~+ k3 b/ ~/ }Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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5 L8 u' _1 v7 z$ q) ABlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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$ H4 n7 S8 B/ v7 jIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?/ f; C& p: B( y0 ~
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
, E# V6 r* K' BIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
) b, o% U0 G# N* @Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
% {3 i2 H# C; M, m$ oWatson: Get that out of my face.
! C! J* U5 _) eHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.) z9 E8 r" z, {$ t7 i
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
6 X, C' ~" ^. I6 R: a3 e! x路人警官Clarky上场。
* K2 o, |1 z: F0 Z. L  q9 @Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
% V7 M, m$ v$ N* U% |Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
6 ~3 U3 V3 l8 H得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
: V7 [( z2 M  nWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?- \, A% L  D1 p2 t
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
/ d- r+ p& z* k  }1 [（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
, C( t2 m% r) z0 d; xHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
3 K9 K- `5 y! h" P! p6 nWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。8 U! r3 I5 Z; z. s4 W) ^6 c
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）) Q5 \! F+ g, v/ p
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
! S3 j- c6 ]- ]Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）7 F2 _4 G, ~8 Q1 y7 ]: V1 \6 x8 g& L
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
7 g! A5 [% o/ }# T0 d1 LHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
' w! Y$ u; v: m  P) A4 I& h后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。9 @9 ^9 ]3 k& R2 l
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。) w0 E/ }9 n% [) F
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。6 C7 o( o% l& k) w
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。9 ^. b) ^+ I3 [# P# l8 d+ L& y2 `
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
- Q/ ]+ i' D6 QWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）8 E& u8 J" E+ d  _8 b4 g
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
# v: C6 x9 e' F8 }Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?6 |7 i7 _! |9 |6 f$ o4 u) m7 k* g
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）% }+ r0 h; d6 W# T
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）8 b6 a& \! i8 x4 f0 Z0 z" H
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）. _0 j- W' N' S7 O: V6 ?+ a- U
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
( u- x/ L" N3 e& y3 TWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）; A: O/ s) W3 h+ ^6 z3 F* I9 }( M
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）- a+ R+ P7 g' e, E. q8 w& C
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……