《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。: t4 r+ F4 X. _, k
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1 k  w2 o1 p4 }/ |影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。5 u8 y4 N3 v$ O* t8 l
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）' C" D+ W0 U# i. g2 [! c
Holmes: I just picked it up.& F% H9 y2 ], ~! i( E# d6 P- ^, D
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
3 U6 `' `8 t- J- a; P1 THolmes: Knew I forgot something.
, B+ B& z  y9 vWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）/ T. n0 M) \/ T/ R
Holmes: You did.5 d' V1 I$ R4 F0 c" M- k
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）* N0 A8 i0 W, J  L, W% d& a' O) i! T
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
2 v, ^8 U, L" w  H9 |Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
' N1 J. p3 C  p, U& J2 ZHolmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
# C; B9 p0 u. D/ uWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）$ p9 R- A3 I+ X# q
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6 N$ v6 Q, y9 g拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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# B. [/ U; H4 f2 G2 v1 c! RWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
: ]/ ~. w) W! Q2 KWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。/ E4 Q8 `3 ~' U0 C, D  H: M
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。: f3 {5 I3 `' b0 N3 p5 r
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8 ]5 D3 |' Q) D1 ^% Q* p) V" V- XIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
' r% p" K% R6 c  F5 f（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）- L8 O* U! ^* {
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
1 ^. m! k+ n( K3 q4 v+ s! yHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
1 `; N1 [2 A, w* R5 pIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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, s% z; D& P( c: f6 j3 P7 ?9 vIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
6 S1 n  F& K. xHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）! H) l; k- i3 R8 A/ K2 \0 T4 w+ p
Watson: Get that out of my face.
( Z  D, s" p, ^, h( g/ q5 R/ bHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.& ~1 ^( Q% n  V! C9 n* v! q3 D8 p
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.$ F1 t' F* @, m+ G! x& Z, c. v7 `
路人警官Clarky上场。
& o# }% B& u; |0 `0 R6 K8 EClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
' i9 }$ b! i$ x! ^% PHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）9 A+ v8 `$ ^& K# V1 L# g
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
7 ~- u3 K: ?0 @4 ?9 FWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?+ E8 I7 h% v$ _+ ^" R$ c: u# b9 v
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
" ]6 n4 ^+ ~7 g# e（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）1 j9 z, D1 X% q6 h3 _8 n/ l
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.: j/ |$ P2 B9 m4 s
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）, Q- P, I2 P: L( m; a( d! m7 l5 |
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
% m8 h- n( s$ Z7 }! E! f1 hHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）) A- l0 \; E9 a7 ]; T) K5 d
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
3 M' P& ?2 m, ^Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
& R5 a. B( X! q/ I1 V, N8 B死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
/ u# M% Z6 z4 l8 }$ uHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）$ f5 q$ y# Q6 t3 j& S4 O
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
1 ~$ Z4 Y( }6 F8 ^Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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. R" A4 y# g' e4 Y3 Y" u警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。1 @9 _; y$ [) D" X+ k; \' W3 Y
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.' }5 ^  o7 \; h* z
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4 k2 t! V7 _& `  ~& @# B' e5 M接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。" ?- y7 T2 j3 \! a% v7 ]: d8 s. y
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。* u( n3 ]. I7 [3 J, n/ L
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）0 |# c5 ^( n- l4 v
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）# i5 p+ |# N5 Z2 M1 y
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
! a9 A* F) g+ W$ FMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
. F8 Q" W* H( X; j; U& V& ]3 qWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）3 _* u4 {( k% S) z2 \5 Q: K
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）  x  c) E% J, Z& Y
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
, i0 Y/ C/ f: E, \9 ]" R1 AHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
( k) ]) R( F4 }5 F) _& d3 qWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
0 C  w" q. S5 G1 x: U+ NMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
* t( p! e( e; B9 T（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）. @& A( n8 q6 p
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……