《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。0 s  P) p* y: W7 {, f9 U
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。& r. M3 |# [7 y, W/ A- X& w9 X. y
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）% o$ v- [# B9 _: \! K% [" Y" [9 M7 W
Holmes: I just picked it up.
# b! D; H. J0 b# X9 T+ g( G, E8 [Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）, m" e( C3 _2 B; k' `+ j( R+ A$ O) f' y. x
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.. F! P( d+ t+ P7 P# O% {
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）, T7 S, E+ t2 {
Holmes: You did.
3 h! O; f# [( y) H（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）. \) D, r* w/ }: ^  M, X, r! z+ s
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.0 B+ t& g- R" l5 W* V; w- Z
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
& U* a: P/ D: S! _Watson: Permission to enter the armory.* C: k& V' `1 v& h
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。) {/ z# A- G" s% p: z
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）& v  z, g8 s9 B* s
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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) k# }3 J9 L* z8 [* UWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
7 P: r( h1 c6 X: B: q( Y' zWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）5 r4 q1 w+ l, `5 C# s7 o
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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  h. H8 H+ T; g( lBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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! }. q0 z7 K7 v; uIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
3 w+ ^1 i. J" S1 D, I# N+ \$ r" \（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）, ~3 I! h$ [7 o/ `& Y  ~$ Z
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?" h- X( ~2 `& R: i
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
9 q) L! b5 w' |0 T' \Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope." y) S3 c$ Z1 F7 r% |
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8 [7 x! g' x( r7 |3 OIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。) p# x& t6 \# A! V( F8 V
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）; G( o7 ~# X  W0 T
Watson: Get that out of my face., ?3 g! \' o9 Z1 B$ d
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
  C. j3 t* a& e5 C: }8 sWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
8 Q& e- n* v( D$ X/ v; C路人警官Clarky上场。: x9 @. T& F. {/ W! _9 J
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.7 r, g) s7 z; }( M  H
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
+ a& K; N8 ~  S. v+ B0 _  z' @8 s得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
; y" s7 k% a* z0 {1 {0 v3 TWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?& N# g0 t1 Z3 X0 ]
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.6 g! |, Y! O, h8 H( _
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7 ]6 i5 P* o. \8 l8 ?2 r8 Q- X墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。# K- Y5 x& r) R7 l7 f9 r
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
. ^+ {) j6 ^$ {2 H2 H9 w( P) h$ bHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
4 b) [2 }$ p) ]' W2 s6 @+ e1 _Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）0 v# U7 F! N/ c% g6 C4 `9 G
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
3 G1 I$ W- G" L$ W( h* QHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
8 Q1 x3 L1 }8 A5 lBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
3 o  K3 [9 {1 H' a  PWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
5 L6 Q: Y1 u8 o: G死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
6 Z; P; D$ r0 M9 _Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
: V! B- H# x7 y$ H* ~后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
& D' W1 I% w8 [: vHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）2 U; H: Y/ ]9 q  I, q
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。8 O* A9 w& h, ]7 @* i- G
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.1 |( W3 a- l- B: `% `% B
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6 t( c8 l) F: |3 K2 k" n# {+ A接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。# g, e9 y* L. ~- {- q0 u
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
( f" v# {* F# G6 ?2 {. j4 g, xHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
2 T- u# j7 [) d, n. _) ]9 IWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
. V* {* j* ]2 {- Q! T5 GHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）0 V" S0 Q% S) I# j+ P8 X. g, o
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?. ^2 F6 W  I3 c8 z8 \9 c
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）3 c) w) @; j, T: }+ D
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
' c: t' e' `+ {) _: {Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
& X: d5 R- X7 ~6 E3 `- O- |, r1 wHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）2 s7 h1 E# J2 Y# M7 y9 h  ]& X
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
& _) T) i; S: |Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
  X+ u4 O/ f6 a* j5 w3 J5 c（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）  {9 S. I8 x) o" \4 T9 @4 c
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……