《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。& ]& c; a# h3 U! t6 O
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。" K7 I' X( w" p' ]: P# k1 u/ u
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）9 \& ]! u# n, j
Holmes: I just picked it up.# {( B9 ]' d+ E  D' k
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
7 M( p& q9 k( O$ G: `' x: L4 KHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
" a. G2 {  v" ~& v* _9 j3 _1 VWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）" ~# D4 y" l8 _2 B9 n5 W% g0 \
Holmes: You did.7 k/ y$ w, m0 y8 w5 R% [
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）7 l0 V; r$ L5 y$ y, T' G
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.& _* [9 k5 b/ i) u$ h. W
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
* c7 h; E. W6 R, N8 ~1 iWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
8 H" z4 F* [$ ~, A" v5 vHolmes: Granted./ b7 d% E. y. [' c9 S3 O8 ]$ u
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
6 m" B. F% {8 PWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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% F- N' r5 W8 i# H拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。* E( U# _  c8 T1 N& ~9 f# J
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, T6 N  _& x. F" u7 sWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
! K9 R4 ~) H/ P  _- {6 a( P3 ZWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。' L  C7 ^6 m5 w; P7 l
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% y; N: s$ I2 c- h8 cBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。; l1 v# D& S/ n5 O0 @  ~4 K
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/ G' @  @3 U2 C& @2 z% iIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
% h& y5 T0 v3 X+ X; y（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
6 L: V3 I/ S# m& CIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
$ L5 D  d3 I0 @/ Q0 RHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
& M# V; ]3 \% k% p1 }! fIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
; B1 f9 w/ A! W5 EHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
$ \5 a  _4 |, d$ w0 }4 wWatson: Get that out of my face.
, [+ @4 R2 T$ g1 H1 Q  o8 THolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand." f* z1 e6 t, C6 F
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
% l5 o+ i9 J1 e路人警官Clarky上场。
2 G9 p$ k( a: dClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
) t, V  W. X: t$ B# U  aHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
, Q+ }2 r6 \3 v2 \; }* }2 L得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
% ~. M& {9 P9 O0 q' s3 mWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?' h- s" Y( q. Z$ t. O- G' J6 s, e
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.  Z8 C( p( Y9 I* Q6 j; D
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。6 }, C2 w4 p& Y
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
( j9 T3 ^, ~/ u( w) KHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.7 ^2 s, t0 W8 x7 r( o
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）  k3 w) d5 Y4 `5 f! V4 }
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
0 h/ g' V/ B* d" _Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
( u& K# }% g  Y" Z1 H3 NBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
5 @& ?) V# c& K* K9 q  LWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）% ?1 A$ K" c5 d# Q. X  O
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
2 E2 F1 G% ~; e0 t/ W) _% WHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
$ |5 N4 I, ^9 o; Z+ }3 P  `7 {: m5 ^后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。3 H' ?8 U  R9 C# ^4 X- p
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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5 J6 d$ I2 b; q  M警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。1 r6 h/ D: C; [- m% s( i6 [3 i
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。! [: v* F8 v# Q9 M3 h
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
# E$ m8 a) W5 @0 x: E! R5 fHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
& E3 x- A: G* RWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）0 x) b9 n8 H3 y0 b, d. t
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）" B5 H3 p0 E; U* d( B
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
! d8 J2 ]+ C0 f2 g, KWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
# P7 l& B+ {5 DHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）- f2 [, e$ G% h0 {
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
9 M2 O& Z0 S; [# I- @Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）3 u" \, \& a3 D  r/ s1 K  _
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）/ B0 V% U, t1 ]4 N6 X
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）' J/ y. a+ {  }4 M1 |
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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: t7 w# R% a5 Z5 K总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……