《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。  N! f8 ~& Z% Y. |. Q+ `' l
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. N% s! C) t: q( o3 |7 I% L1 i影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。% h8 H6 N. ]3 E) ^8 G
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）& O0 p  q- _4 @8 D" X" d2 p
Holmes: I just picked it up.
+ g8 \5 M. r6 f& \  X2 r  j+ w5 Z& ZWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）. n2 `- o* p' g8 X4 k" L( i
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
6 W+ p: J4 W# y; j4 b0 }Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
) l2 D2 y; \: Q9 k; q% Y! z' m! OHolmes: You did., P- C& J! W: {. \' D
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）. g( z# g& n+ K$ t+ Z
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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' Y; F# i4 B5 T宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。8 K5 y( h4 {2 {0 Z, ^. M
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.+ ^9 j2 h0 V' x# @+ d0 p
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
+ I8 Q% A6 k2 B$ v! M. yWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）2 M# ~0 m: e; k( J; [
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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, S1 L1 F) ]; v7 W& Q5 hWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。3 ^) q3 W1 [* U8 v* ~
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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$ ~9 d/ V4 u9 e% a9 Z, ~" P. aIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。6 o; ^% P1 W# t1 F+ W
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
% y# z# S  e; H7 g4 r1 bIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?- ?3 t& D* o* x
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）* q+ ^- S4 i* i( c+ L$ h  w
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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* w$ K1 J3 z6 u* Q+ x7 YIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
5 i% |% L7 A' b8 k( m; @/ V! nHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）. x6 k) N* K* _8 _. e) D+ U
Watson: Get that out of my face.
2 U7 p/ m6 e% d+ j1 N4 Q3 YHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
# T: f: q& A* F. n& |( W4 A! TWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.% V& L7 A& e9 P4 G) ~* Y
路人警官Clarky上场。, C5 z3 Z0 N* P& I. ^" F0 ~& F
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.5 k6 C2 J+ ]% ?* H
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）. [% \  k0 x4 n0 ?% u
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
$ w1 s2 u2 F6 z: P% z2 Q. r3 tWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
: u4 L# J% n& e/ R+ @2 t5 O+ s- xHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.7 B2 W  X0 X# \  p$ c8 [4 g; _
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
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4 w; G# [' _- }5 s* {. I( |! C% JHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
% j) U# _- t/ ?9 [) _Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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8 ]/ e- C5 B4 C7 U+ a- p河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
4 \+ i+ H1 j1 f0 A1 D, q! hHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
. @0 T; `1 r4 B# ]Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
9 I/ U! `1 W, u) m- J" V7 rWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）- ~6 i6 n' F; S" u
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
/ C8 x2 B9 R  h) o( WHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）# C) @' K+ s: z. @/ F: \
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。4 H: N# R/ M2 t( k
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。. k* l6 d. M; L. [
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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9 T( H8 a: z. }& X; {7 T- `7 P接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。0 v# g* }# ]0 E, @; l& k. Y# Z: n
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。" I; i' K5 l# l) j. t
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）) Q- A; D- `; A1 M/ Q/ |# B
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）( B; M7 ~; O2 U
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）& A+ a/ C4 D5 R4 P# R* w
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?8 c; d$ V) B6 _* E4 w
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
/ V4 s, R8 ~- s) n, H( [! ~2 dHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）% f$ e2 {. S4 R3 c
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
" i, I  [7 v1 ~6 H* K5 n5 nHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
) B3 Z. _* M1 H; sWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）! o2 [/ n5 V- ^7 [
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
% C, L, D0 X0 V9 |. j（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……