《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。% l) c) N6 E2 w# S+ W' D5 f. R6 g# q
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
  c$ `0 l0 N4 U2 T! N* OWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
% V9 t& A5 p7 }6 J  T+ i8 b  c/ VHolmes: I just picked it up.
4 X* w  Y, F+ g0 [9 D# y* tWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
( b9 c) f5 a: s9 @8 p2 _& R2 xHolmes: Knew I forgot something.* M7 l1 o/ _0 c
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
6 `) E) d$ j6 T8 q, G% V/ }" ]Holmes: You did.
% F6 g4 A2 Z4 `1 O（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
4 g! k  [% U6 {2 W2 M' _  z3 v2 U- l2 A: ZHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
, F8 l9 y) d1 N8 [0 NWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
& M2 D: [% f$ X" p. IHolmes: Granted.3 N3 t" N7 A7 m+ G$ Q
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
6 y* @$ k8 o- l! z: H' mWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。7 K* M5 C+ Y- V1 S/ z5 D5 Q
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* n5 f# l3 @. F. v( e* e! c% Y( E6 oWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。2 ~0 i: y1 G7 ?* G& N$ ]
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）( @% [" p1 R1 F% U% u
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" D0 U/ y6 Z' M( q# Y8 wHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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$ D* Z& [% V! t& @* W" J8 tBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。$ [! H* {" N% n8 i
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5 K! K3 J. v) FIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。- S: J1 e+ M- W4 e6 z
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）- I# A1 K' \3 g
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
* B$ p8 U$ o: L7 b" lHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）4 p* {- H" y: F3 C; y+ j/ z
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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% v3 P6 y2 v0 }# i5 ~  oIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
7 e) o( L9 C+ N$ L: R+ Q$ C& c9 mHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
0 P# o% L5 _' n! UWatson: Get that out of my face.
/ O. a/ M$ z1 t) ]( L1 Z; Q6 b. iHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.5 \' @* D8 A+ K( }  z+ H& Z
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
  i6 N5 r) n6 N3 X- c4 O路人警官Clarky上场。6 E" V& a: d' x3 D- z
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
/ L3 t' D5 g& O( @( R; I3 d8 iHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
9 S/ \% l; i9 \得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
' @* A8 a9 C$ j" J; w+ zWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
- Z& i( P: L2 w0 q, O" I" Q' \Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.0 O$ F/ D& Y+ q, l3 P& a' @
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# k% Y% y: L! ?5 A5 u% |墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。$ a  |; s) m4 F1 n9 z
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）7 K5 X$ q3 s6 l! ~% }  h' X
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.8 V, V& `3 Y4 u8 X. D+ }
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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% v5 T; Y$ I& V河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。. r! p% A/ H' |
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）  b# F' C3 S% }. I. Q) b- V$ B* t
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…( T% Q% \1 J6 l4 Z2 [
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）9 V5 y6 z/ b, |1 n
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
$ m! h0 l/ t& z6 |( @& AHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
% A3 ]  o, E+ A( b* a- v# x3 s后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
+ |2 n' O$ B7 q2 Z& SHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）/ n  C) ^! o* c; u. i8 I
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。6 N1 T0 P9 y1 v+ r% Y% i" f
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。3 A4 n7 t3 b; |8 @0 O/ F# q
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
$ X5 ?6 F- W  h  W: ~" wHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
' g8 o. Z6 W6 E! aWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
( w6 f* \& |1 `9 m  f  Y4 G$ ?Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
  H3 z$ |* l6 v9 D4 f5 KMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?" g" m2 V& q% Z5 u; @6 ^( i0 a2 Y
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）- K; W& j$ S/ K& B% m
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）! P2 z! L$ o# j& S1 z' C% a4 K' p! H) T
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
7 C& L- m5 A# l7 l3 M( ^: DHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
; ~6 u' l3 c% F/ s4 CWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
' I: I1 U9 S9 D* w% ?2 yMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）: u0 p% a2 R7 Y# l! Q' B
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……