《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。% ^, e9 J" R# A1 r% F) z/ H5 u
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3 \- k( h5 u. l' u1 z& ?影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
6 P8 E8 q5 X/ l* |Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）6 N$ c9 Y. z0 s
Holmes: I just picked it up.
' K" _5 Y8 H+ o5 j$ \Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
2 \# h5 T# p3 T$ X5 Q( wHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
( Z7 n  I$ z- A1 KWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
7 [. j* n0 _5 u, u+ E3 j6 bHolmes: You did.* ?; F, {" F# ]2 [- ?. m5 p, K
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）( H. S" Q' V" c! B& d
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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- b0 e, x: u: J: H8 d0 g' k宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。8 u0 x" l& C9 B! }2 G" S
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
$ X- d5 C0 t! z) o. G5 pHolmes: Granted.  b. V5 @' F7 z( h* b
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。) L  i6 w, v# `# L9 _8 V: c* F
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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! R2 t5 ]. j+ e5 ?5 j  ^* a5 b拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。. Q, Z8 N, E& @& `8 M
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。2 S; v; e5 t2 }$ g
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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3 `" I/ e8 F+ a+ ?Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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& z7 s& Z, V; u! R* u& pIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
  ]9 k; Q" y& I# A$ ~! `Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
8 H3 [4 }* d8 |& k! {Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope., m* @' I7 r0 T/ q3 K: g0 W
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* p0 r. Q1 ?' ^+ x7 r- g$ P0 f0 jIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
2 Q6 v: Y% V, E1 AHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
6 a. A5 \8 R: l  h) |Watson: Get that out of my face.) h& K1 O: S1 C5 W8 T1 f* D- _
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
- F1 B. \# q& k+ c" p- qWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.2 \2 Y% D! F* h6 t" }1 x8 V
路人警官Clarky上场。: P$ Q% U6 @) S5 }: C" i6 [
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
- E- r2 I( {9 F0 b$ s8 WHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
0 o! K6 H4 @7 J* c得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
5 o1 t$ |- q* N! F: BWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?; b! }4 Z) X* E
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。5 R3 a( x# R1 z# ~
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）2 }7 t! {& P4 ]
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
+ q/ U  {1 T* pWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）2 e+ b7 I7 ~0 c$ Q: ^8 \
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" o, b, ?# K; r) z河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
# q/ o1 v& C* q  B3 nHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
, [, ?, G: H/ s0 ^1 _: kBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
4 y: @# b& {/ i7 u( {3 fWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
6 \1 S5 [- ~& u  P5 T5 Q死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。! _" L6 x% M2 ^! X$ c. l* E7 o
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）! X9 G' F  u: Z" c4 p  @
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。: l2 ^! ~, L( e) e" Z% E. ?
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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" Y6 y. M0 b$ Q7 t警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
) M7 D; j! {( J7 @+ W, R9 zLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.1 d9 ]( H( }8 ~  x
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。2 U) T% x/ D% x. }
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。  J1 y! k! B/ x& H3 n
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）1 \6 |5 J( {2 j/ c9 G
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
. D2 j. e  x! ], v4 ~3 X# l! GHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
; N! F5 O- r) tMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
& S& w- Y; f+ P! FWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）1 m$ Q: ]( f5 W0 x0 B
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
( e2 I- H2 F# M5 B6 [& \Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）8 @* `' V5 L0 `9 n
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）* P8 F: G* E6 h7 `, T) Z# e4 I3 ]
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）/ M* g; o5 u( h' E8 l
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
. l& c+ R/ _" w' e' Q（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……