《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。, G# }" i$ v- [% `# z
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7 A) W2 x( W9 F3 z( G/ }# X7 x影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。$ `/ v; y2 j4 c, K* Q4 Z, D
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）4 p0 ~8 W, Q" p
Holmes: I just picked it up.+ [0 N" e0 p9 K0 W" L4 N: Q0 M# |
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
- \1 [4 {! I; i# CHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
6 j! o$ f  d2 z5 `2 I" d; AWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
1 j/ `1 b+ B' g& xHolmes: You did.; h) G& B3 `: r
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
% b5 T' }( h: d. k7 A( c! pHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.! i3 h" q1 _4 D9 [& s' J+ Q
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。: M. C9 \9 ?1 w5 J2 M0 U7 G
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
+ l8 B+ n( |* j/ nHolmes: Granted.4 h, o) }$ K4 t: b! ^! L) u
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。6 r7 ^6 X+ n& T9 w2 t! x' G8 ?* t
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）7 v0 o" ~1 `/ M1 _" {, n  d# _, L: ^
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/ Q6 }4 g: A5 r( K$ g拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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4 y  }) ^8 G6 t. T+ zWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
1 a5 m* q  L# f' IWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。0 d0 F2 A: o! [# N( {
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1 ~' a5 |& U: _6 O- V& LBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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2 q# ?% S4 ~$ Z; W# L% g+ VIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。' b% K1 c( N/ S9 H
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
2 F8 N# X; ?! l) UIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
0 c8 y" [% m% e, }! sHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
3 F! k$ U4 w- Y- {( U- {$ y5 O  ?Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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) l; P' Z9 P+ _/ V! bIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
% E, U8 N4 S' `Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
$ l( X8 h$ m' X4 q  xWatson: Get that out of my face.* @" @+ F6 D- {* b7 E. f
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.) |  l# `5 W; V; u/ s" |% k- R
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.# _+ }! a& I/ |' ~$ \7 \/ q
路人警官Clarky上场。& r4 l% S  m& x/ m, V9 }5 Y
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
. u- O/ [: Y( O! Q* n3 Y+ pHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）- ^+ t' y- m- r7 o1 w
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。, @$ J. S) H8 n6 H4 ?; u; y
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
" w5 i$ W3 n  D; nHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。' u, r: U1 }$ U9 Q; g! e/ K
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）  E; f* g1 u  |$ W
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.( I2 R0 p: J2 S" G& Y
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）: r+ H: T) I: a( _1 {2 B, c& _
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。2 l$ O- L, g; ?" ]: j4 }
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）3 \5 N5 I+ Q6 o+ t  x
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
/ {: S" z/ t& vWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）# K5 E' X+ _( A, s* P1 R: ]7 d0 Y
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
- C0 x; Y* G5 K% gHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）. n# Y7 O8 q( S5 }5 p/ [
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
$ p! z4 j9 u6 f3 Y+ @Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）- N7 Q  y7 b5 F; K$ B9 R
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4 k! E) {! G& e5 d3 S; u警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。0 h! }6 F! S, E0 X) c
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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# U# P- I2 ?$ D/ Z: f9 W* A接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
, V: A: u7 C8 `* M话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
4 ]' T/ S5 h. F5 B4 l% }8 F8 c! P) ^Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）- }6 d$ ]8 z* s) B- M2 x; b
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）8 s6 f" S; [. j) q
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
, V: B4 m1 h# s- V" ?Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?" P/ Z9 v3 ~* j$ ^( U
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
# c+ i5 i* G5 p, _& T. E0 @3 VHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
* F' K- u3 @( d+ h; x) u5 c; dWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）; S! {/ u; {2 _. r2 H! T3 W
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）9 H5 X& Z( O) f" l% ]& t2 U7 b! T
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）: g" m3 g! _% |6 x- A) M. {4 h* c
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）% R$ L7 K7 m) k, x# F5 h- X
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）$ u0 T, L2 {9 O* d& A. C+ T' z
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" U! a! t7 O# s* c2 l' E& T总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……