《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。: X4 B% C7 E9 G+ `; B& r% K
***********: D+ z6 F- {" ~! I! F
1．
$ m$ s9 g' u. r影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。" F7 M* ?6 L3 s7 g2 u0 H: e
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
6 E8 e; A  V/ i9 fHolmes: I just picked it up.! K* m( ]1 p6 B5 Q8 ~3 F9 ^
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）/ H/ J. G2 h4 J8 d, k( _
Holmes: Knew I forgot something." x, C0 r  D# W( Q7 G3 [. |  S8 a7 r
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）( y& O# _( p5 q$ Z% z. Q
Holmes: You did./ h3 h; h, j* C& a7 w
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
2 N9 a: b. L, E! _5 ]4 KHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.8 Z6 q# ~5 R' A) b; `2 O, W" Y# g
2．1 v$ ]! v1 _, b" B' b- v) ]9 y' e6 y
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。& g% ]  O% x' J: w; |+ M. |- n; P
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.& Z$ q' b9 K0 R8 O
Holmes: Granted.
2 d" E. v6 S; e( O1 W/ t+ J2 C! H3.
  g" x/ I. C; L, K" m3 k9 p2 L晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
9 R* f" W5 g% F) @  N% N1 d1 y, y* cWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）% T/ j+ [1 L5 z; u+ z
4．+ i0 E# p9 k$ F
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
( X% A  O0 n3 O- E5．
8 A. Q& X+ @2 m, e7 J8 k; sWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
( }# s- H! W5 s' xWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）+ z8 o& {' i6 T
6．
3 c. z- P) a- y/ |8 V4 AHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。7 p* N8 p& ~* a, |& y- S. ^/ \% P
7．
2 b) L& G1 t" W3 |Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
4 a  [! I( F5 J4 T# J3 B8．& }. F! p5 f+ M' X( f( C1 q: Z' b. R
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。+ J9 R5 ]4 a, w0 a, P0 p
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
/ f/ {$ @7 X& t4 N3 a' t$ t- J, xIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
( l% W2 X) R* p/ tHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
( Z! J% S/ M8 z8 ~# m8 PIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.0 \% B: q+ l  M0 b- m. X7 j# T
9．
5 ?, e" X7 |/ f; jIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
/ r) Z) F4 E* G8 h7 N0 oHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
) `$ i9 z. N' ]6 e  `3 SWatson: Get that out of my face.
1 P3 ~, |* u' L9 NHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
* s" G% [$ w8 y7 u# h" P+ d( a" \Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.8 g* ^1 Q$ m% r( f7 ]; ?
路人警官Clarky上场。
! Q' z7 t! X- X) x/ MClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.1 A# g& q& R* s
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
' C( p* H/ r" B( t1 a6 l; p2 y# N9 g得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
/ q; U+ _7 _8 G+ ~" r" ~Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
7 _. \, Z6 m  vHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
; P: Y, n9 @) a) O2 }/ s9 ~: C10.
; m2 x/ F& U- E2 \% r6 g7 I墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
; m3 [/ ]5 \( R. v% J, g/ B- E' [（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）  E4 |3 j. n. |" ]
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
! \+ j, R* l2 pWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）7 r# i+ u( Z, v
11．
  z* ^+ B: C0 ^3 b8 _% J6 b" C河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。) U: O, b7 e& b- {& p$ d
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）# k: z9 ]$ x& t1 a- m/ x% ~
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
$ @1 T8 n% c- P- o5 i4 kWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）' x$ t7 t3 t+ Q. {
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
6 q0 r2 Z) {+ m) h. ~Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
. d7 d8 [6 b" r9 |后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
9 m! {2 S: R& m7 S0 bHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
4 T$ O/ E& @1 W% E% r) q: Q12．2 C, c  l- N: M# e+ Z+ v9 T
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。" M9 I, M( |9 {' x3 I5 c
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
2 \$ [( p) s, X13.$ I+ F; ?  G- O. C3 ^' P" z$ Y: h
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
2 e7 J8 ~8 S5 }9 |! a) w" G6 d话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
1 y8 l% c- F- b7 j6 R) V4 j; cHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）2 m1 e$ }, R; q! `3 m1 g
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
2 Q) K& }, _" j. ^+ CHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）( O  Y; k4 I1 N! N3 Y1 D6 Z2 [8 f
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
: H! A1 l6 H# H; M' s/ y. y: PWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
) K, g6 w! ^: ]% @  p! ^1 Y# wHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
3 M2 C& v  a1 l9 a+ ?& I# S9 W$ LWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
! g9 [/ R$ U* y& L. A4 M; hHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）3 i5 B1 B$ Z# g% C' x% u
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）% i; u4 C5 L3 z+ j% L- |
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
/ d! r/ {1 @0 z9 R5 l& Q# Z' M（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）2 A$ h  ?$ S. ?+ K, q
***********
  G7 J: l/ C( C# r/ `总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……