《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。5 y* k7 @+ v7 w# V% m0 l
***********
, f# B- H% i. y2 `1．' M7 T' g# ?2 M' H. y9 V
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。$ A6 [# b/ q8 W$ F9 t& Y! o; ^* C# Y
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
; O; n8 A3 p2 _* `( GHolmes: I just picked it up./ e  e/ M4 p* @
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）( j* y% b) \3 c6 T6 l
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
- j/ Y# U) _3 H- e& dWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）, D) |; \9 y9 D+ _8 u
Holmes: You did.4 y+ `3 q: J% q3 t
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
8 T3 d8 P% I) H, L  y+ QHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.7 G" j5 n6 n# j2 x
2．) F/ [" M: l1 |6 A
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。" t. S5 y: N! \" d$ ~. b
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.% f8 q$ ?6 D& ]7 ^  _8 m  n  K
Holmes: Granted.% o  \) ]6 \; q* ^
3.# k* u. S8 l9 D+ n) x4 Y
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。; {% @8 c- g1 m$ N' Y
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）  f" z( A( D4 H
4．7 l$ m8 J: C7 j/ u- I
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。  S; x- o" F2 ^' K$ O- W: R
5．2 ^, R, I# C$ i$ v) C& h9 z# u
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。0 H" Q, S! m/ B& e' d; b+ {
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
1 v! u' ]  c$ e; k3 F. \6．7 t  h  r& Y8 c9 W. \, d
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。" u! z4 H, B; L6 ]* ^
7．
, x- H% f6 G6 y" O/ ~* {- Z- }$ e$ mBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。6 m" V3 Z7 m( W
8．
& N: F8 m$ t! v4 e2 ?Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
3 Q2 ]( }0 M+ i0 P  Z. b# b（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）( z$ h- H% d% p4 }- l6 H# {" c  [
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
5 V0 {# S' N2 b' u2 RHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
/ c7 U6 {. V3 Z) O/ DIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
& p8 {% Y* y2 F) _7 ^9．* Z6 h2 N! {3 D8 Z
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
+ ^" X# B" k  _* c) \# @0 U* ?Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
  d& p# {6 r4 ^Watson: Get that out of my face.7 Q* a0 ?8 J, O4 F; \
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.& o" O+ N$ Z9 m8 i- e" {' [
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
4 D/ v+ Y5 i* P. S, A9 J; z路人警官Clarky上场。7 A* p! o; w+ b9 |- D- t
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
$ E# r9 V: ^: \8 J, C$ m+ T. ^Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
" o# H( {3 u' @1 t得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
4 Z' {2 }/ G( r. d5 OWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?/ `7 t- }$ u! S# [" _( ]) R* H2 \
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
1 A" R  |) U& Z' C2 ^8 d( ?: e7 L10." X! y0 s9 T! w6 i" \
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。! F& r- x# M' V/ L) L: E- Z7 E
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）* I( ]; ?+ C4 I6 x* m; f- f
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.' ~% x: H: Q) Z, h6 P+ X1 c* ~" s  b2 f/ `
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）" l# W4 P3 L8 ^- u
11．
2 j! \6 b3 i$ m0 e河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。0 H2 p9 A; Z% i2 P7 ~
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
8 a  T: M% a% l3 r; k+ l7 z$ NBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…! _: O, l/ P  ^
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）. I, V. H( V) S3 |5 Q* `# ^
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。" m0 E5 q( P- p/ A
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）+ ~8 J* `8 n6 k$ v
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。* J9 s' B; u+ G; c& O1 f. W
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
9 H' P7 f8 H. C* Z% f( Q12．
+ U6 s/ u% j+ u( r5 ~警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。4 R/ u% x  J6 t+ N# J/ w0 g! o: }) y5 e
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.5 w1 S9 z' R9 Q% ^" t
13.( x2 S0 ?8 I; }' `) r6 S
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。( x9 ~- F; K% b" F8 z2 ~( z
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
- P, Y2 |/ p! n- lHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）. M8 c3 e1 N: a  [& f
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）* E5 h  Y) z! }. F  O6 B, z+ u
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）+ A# j: D% ^! b" \: n0 r  a/ h! y" S
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
! L& f3 o1 S% x) f2 b0 m7 XWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）! s, C# a  j  t5 Y; @
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
9 Y3 R; l# [% {$ M" r  E% N" K; t- }Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）7 }3 m5 ]7 S) a- _# M! j; a
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）5 O' Y6 k4 w* c: B
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）% B# C6 _4 l- e1 L7 ?8 ]) F- \
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）( e0 E1 ?- x0 F+ X# V
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）1 j3 M* m4 w; e; q! x
***********  p; E$ e1 o- _! ]) R( n: o
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……