《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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$ ]- l( ?+ o2 [$ W( }  A: B影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。2 b- ~* A5 V+ l
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
! {8 j5 _/ {$ e  c) EHolmes: I just picked it up.( Z' u( M4 {  F9 x8 w6 Z; [
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）% K2 ], S. {- x, G
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
% G! c- S/ \) s: n' m# uWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）% x- b3 K' v$ N# N
Holmes: You did.
6 @- ]3 [$ p, [7 G0 \& B（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
) S1 J* n  l9 _Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.. ]9 ^8 `. R4 n" Y8 R# O4 y% Z
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。5 q" V  r7 n0 f' w$ W3 t5 v( \
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
9 O9 A3 J0 o  A( UHolmes: Granted.+ R3 U: ~$ S& S# ?
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0 k, V6 t& ?# \# u2 y! w, K晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。9 G, g$ q8 m, Z  e8 W, A, f
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）/ |$ i$ R* E% D& ~* \5 O$ R2 f. o
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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+ k6 P5 S3 `; ~6 x5 K/ _Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。) C6 {1 ~9 q+ s# _
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）' G/ L: o  _% k  Z% q  ]: S1 x
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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: D* \# h3 B# W+ gBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。# a( N/ E  H& v/ v
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/ t* b- N% e$ }- U. dIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。; S, I; w* K: v/ U
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）" H  V4 R8 }) f/ g; v
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?/ \; w( K1 N' F$ D5 V1 F1 O
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
0 s2 Z& ^5 V& I9 ?7 h1 oIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.3 O+ {- ^  T, C" J. g
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
: A' d) J6 B/ l, L2 KHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）& b3 E% H) N# N$ g
Watson: Get that out of my face.
& Q4 n/ E% E, @Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
8 h$ v- A6 {6 `7 XWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face./ r/ ]! \) ~% W1 P# D2 d
路人警官Clarky上场。
, T2 F1 F: z( c: ]Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
4 q+ v8 k( ?6 t6 F5 a" A8 y+ [Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
$ }& A3 H' N. }% \" r得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
4 X5 e* j) z1 H2 ~4 W9 _2 y9 z1 _# EWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
2 k$ ?1 W% d0 d" l  l+ WHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.- @/ b3 }* W0 F
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" Y% c3 Z- K( ]1 I$ R墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
* @2 s: _$ \7 \& b1 D" g/ m（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）9 W( N0 u/ k3 Q0 [
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.+ n! a) z  x9 E
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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: N: a+ R" I5 ^7 Z河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。, @& f; r% g( P8 u; r" F
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
$ b9 {" P  ?2 G& Z' h, u% U, eBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
: {2 m7 m. }% d, kWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）6 R0 [; z5 _7 k2 l- d; \
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。& M5 N- C9 ^2 _# f8 m. _; I
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）; x# ^1 A* a  Y1 ^2 D
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
) v5 z3 @' D& r6 n8 dHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
1 a9 k, {, N3 J( `" q4 W) W# o# {Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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, z/ z6 `" P" y1 _4 m, c接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
) |8 ^% z6 {! R话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。: G) S8 t1 T# o1 ]1 m
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）* c5 f4 \0 |* D$ c# ~% t0 Q6 ?
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）  s4 T! X$ U( N( [* }; N, u
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
1 A$ }+ Z! w  XMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?$ T/ |0 @9 a1 B1 h8 M8 h
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）& \* z6 ~( x; d( Y8 p
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
. G: O0 H* t& L0 _$ R5 m2 t! QWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）3 C# H: J! r. v+ m  W3 Q* i
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）8 q; u/ w; v6 H7 r; z' J  E! ^! b
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
) l* S4 M1 d: m! a8 rMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）( W8 {0 R' U  K) [& W
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）3 y" R. B: N% p, s' N1 E
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……