《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。" l: \6 _+ f5 p8 u
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
4 M1 ~/ [" ?0 C8 {: t' KWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
3 _* `4 F3 o* x. iHolmes: I just picked it up.9 ?* v- j# K5 K
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
$ M, L! y- n7 YHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
" R4 ^9 E4 V$ `  J5 Z0 v2 ]Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
2 S2 Z, Y! E* H. S; NHolmes: You did.
$ N9 i1 t! ^. n) j% W& v+ Y（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
7 q2 ^6 A8 O0 k! q) f1 w  Z$ [! ~Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。8 x1 v6 u5 W% H# U7 Q! |9 b
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.# u) ?$ k6 t4 {: c4 u4 C
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
' Z: D. s; N! Q2 g" z% NWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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- y. M- _' K" @* `+ c拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。/ ~, U- s' ~$ C! S: I6 ?) n
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。8 c, `: u- a4 b+ |2 ^3 v5 M& R  C
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。% a( M# h7 F6 i
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。$ D" y/ l# i2 Z( }) J! W
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. f2 f8 N3 i" ~Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。' `7 `+ l4 R% a
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）; q( z. D3 V7 F/ ~0 c3 [* P2 o
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?. v5 _# t. Y8 R' d* L6 F
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）: x/ E% e# v+ F) \- W" K
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.  u  J6 z. W/ r* X2 Q5 t# z
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。9 x' ?: y# l9 [8 m* T
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）( {6 ~/ k4 N7 }9 ?8 J" H5 w2 |* k
Watson: Get that out of my face.
1 ~; L( D' \4 y4 e& r/ f% x% cHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
7 \0 W( d% V: g9 U( FWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.6 ?/ |+ Z* y7 x. g9 j) m
路人警官Clarky上场。
' u. s/ u' n$ t# T' |: `Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.: N! L/ O' i- }" `* Y2 @
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）  n& O: `- V  z) r  r0 O
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
  P5 K' f  J, v: ^Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?. b& V" G; [: ~! j
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.6 u% t# d" v; J. H* X1 A
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5 Y$ ^. V+ Q( u: U墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
; v- H5 W# C& o" j  y% o: j& K（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）: @1 q7 t5 e, f+ g
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.9 D! @8 W2 C. X: i
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）! C- Y6 J) z% U- `
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
) U( m% V- R# N2 b' g& _9 e4 \Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）3 r+ D; q3 Y: ?3 N
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…8 ~: W! Z- T) g4 r% U/ P
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）, g5 Z- {! o$ c: B6 Z/ O3 G! R
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
- |0 z  [% O8 [3 cHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
2 t$ |) F9 V- h; F( G6 p" ^后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。, P# D) X+ j. ]1 s
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）8 d7 [/ s7 K: I7 y
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
0 Q. t1 `0 |8 [8 U# p* `Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。  o9 e6 u; a! P+ f% b- G; J6 H
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。* `) b" ~( Z9 `- x" Z* l
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）! Q+ [) Q* a4 w; @
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
9 f2 w9 S+ z. O+ Y8 Q' r% \' CHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
. h* T" {3 e# @6 d% `; Q8 Z2 }Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?& t+ B, K9 d0 a
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）- u' Z. n" c( r% a' c
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）' _9 \/ U2 J& ^( D. a4 }
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
$ n+ ?! A( M8 k; X2 IHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）* O; p9 h" t  n2 _! d1 ^6 Y' w
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）4 k  y- ?) v: V  U$ \. K; U' h7 l" H9 H
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）- ?! r+ l9 j  r$ l  G
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……