《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。& I5 f! a$ @7 H( r9 f9 K
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. K# w& B& \7 w/ `影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。* a9 b3 F% l. c6 E# W
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
" d% C; \) G( U5 ~Holmes: I just picked it up." {6 j$ k" r: D: x+ Q- A
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
) \: u, _$ M( ]( f. l  O! O2 iHolmes: Knew I forgot something.& Z6 B8 o* D% `2 m
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）) U3 F2 o0 [1 j: p
Holmes: You did.
. e6 N5 s% [- q- A) [% o（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）3 y9 P4 G' M$ R. N
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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5 m6 L! i5 ?9 z# g2 b! j' X宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
* J$ @, K, R3 f. A" RWatson: Permission to enter the armory.% O4 q! s6 c0 F
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。9 D; _) e+ A2 E5 k7 h
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）/ V% Y5 ~9 g, Y0 n' _
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。4 I6 y5 r# I8 d% A
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2 _) [* q; j6 \2 B  WWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
+ z' `% \5 g1 XWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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5 ^3 L' y' S- D! eHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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; k9 @) h# h+ l3 z, }Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
: ^7 t" E$ G2 g! }+ g3 Z" [（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）4 x& n- S4 E  j# R: T- G( ^) Q+ G
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?! t, f0 Q- g: [& B; I; {
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
2 b- ~! O: [2 g- d, X8 m2 OIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.) b4 A  {* T! l$ u6 D$ d
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( j% [6 I2 T3 t/ m7 n# ]Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。' |, i# k& h0 G" ^6 S" S
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
9 Y" n" D, x9 |  x9 N4 n% ZWatson: Get that out of my face.
, e7 p$ J- Z: t$ O+ k3 {( T9 dHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.+ @* _0 T/ Q& u* e
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
2 l* P! ~* ?( s0 b/ W路人警官Clarky上场。3 u. F6 M; b; @" w* E1 n. @
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
& O& T1 d+ q" c  ^7 n0 F! K* A9 l" oHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
6 L4 o8 U8 D+ d6 t$ t) ^' w9 o得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。+ ~4 R9 [0 Y& p$ o+ S
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?% Q2 j+ Z2 p7 @4 b  b
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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' x+ U/ K  T7 D+ p; v墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。" U3 c+ U) D3 x
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）0 p* w. V! v/ D, x0 f
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
. V  q  W' D# S4 ^: p5 kWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
5 q. F9 J9 T# w' AHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
9 I$ _& l( d( ?/ m% J) T9 HBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…# O  `; z3 d: n. y! q" P0 C& r' R
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
0 _1 @8 s- o9 X0 k# Z9 m" D死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
" ~4 T& s$ p( U8 C, u# hHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）8 g/ J' d6 t! i, ~. [
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。+ A  Q4 ~) u' y- g9 S0 B( V; c8 G
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）3 v- R! P0 ^( j: K2 j
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。) k/ s3 B/ {/ i: U7 u
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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- r4 B' Q3 D. ]9 M+ q6 f; l接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。& r9 I2 W- Y+ ~/ G0 P
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
0 i! m8 L9 [! qHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
' E/ S- B2 t0 U9 I  I% Z; LWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
% r% X  `( n# v& l- f/ OHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
6 I& F, m7 s2 V8 @2 b2 bMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?( C* W% W9 ?+ R" a+ I
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
' O7 a( E/ @' P2 @! zHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）; r0 d0 |) ?" T9 j3 s
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）9 i: H) X, t  d/ l5 C) E
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）! p& s7 L; D% Z! f# K
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
. i! x" V! k+ n4 @: X; C/ T; `Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
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% Q+ J; }  n" J! }2 c& k- m' X总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……