《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
6 H2 K$ L+ [' V3 R$ [4 k9 @5 XWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
( [- R5 _( v( [Holmes: I just picked it up.
- }, I2 ^2 W% ~; X9 TWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
& h4 [& E* k( @/ |# e% yHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
. M6 ?) @4 S; O+ d5 ^Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
! H3 @% m/ `( _Holmes: You did.
: k/ b9 ]6 d5 m/ `+ Y（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
: P6 \. M- T3 u: tHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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5 O& o) f& B4 N宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
: u9 e: d7 R! [5 O! ~: |4 J( kWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
) D: [$ P8 f( K* eHolmes: Granted.
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) p- y7 q# N7 x+ S2 L. S( V晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。: `9 p! i- q1 E: M( v
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）5 n3 U' f$ ], T* s, F# T
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。! R$ ]' Y4 P+ T" n
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。' h0 }3 b  P4 l" A
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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; U6 x) o- ]% c/ GHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。  k# `: N% @3 _) s. @" n' z9 g
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。" F& h9 F( a5 y
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1 l9 i6 r) y6 m5 xIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
: J' Y2 ?9 ?3 Y: l（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）8 L9 c* {+ `0 z8 G8 Z" B) H
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?- p) }/ x. F: ]' h" O! D
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）1 F9 x5 M1 l+ Q" F. u
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.$ D' D( b  C$ K2 E" w
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* g2 N" U+ ~6 M) T% t! vIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
' x8 U  W8 o' IHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
1 }5 _7 ]% X$ {( |Watson: Get that out of my face.
8 v+ G- Q% g4 hHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
+ G% F) }/ _/ T! HWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.7 l# U: a6 F8 }
路人警官Clarky上场。
  v' d* u- Y* T: R) V. e' `% vClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
2 s- K; ]) {+ w% J  G4 U/ z/ L3 eHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
, A4 |  A# g4 j得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
: z( z; g  {$ U% A; ?; eWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?+ _6 D( q& S1 h, c# `- J
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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; [9 R8 a, P) K7 O7 w墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。; ~5 t% X" _( w, l4 Z
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
. H- a* S4 H0 R* [0 kHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
. z& I0 ?6 X3 l! ~8 j& v) M7 fWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）- H9 y$ f9 v0 w: R8 Y. Q
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. D/ f9 R, \2 C& D- R) G河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
4 E& l/ }: p; X  i& F, DHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）1 ~9 K5 L% l( }1 o* |2 W8 K; b3 E
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…% ~- K) S8 N- G! T. j
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）. v. \1 W! y; ~  F  u. l. G) L  f
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
0 z$ G1 P4 y1 @8 |3 {Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
- C( f1 S; T" Q& z1 n7 |$ i后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。  }% E& V$ V3 H$ f
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）* G) x+ ]1 @  J  l0 V! ^  P* o
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。: b7 W$ `& D7 h0 A! B+ |5 n9 H
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
/ \, Z: g/ R6 v话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。! \  s/ D- w" Z+ [5 k( m$ t
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）% P8 K, m+ u0 b- W+ b& ?7 S& P
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）' C% X9 o' R) t+ _! P4 A
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）( h0 d+ @" ~) I  I; R0 ^
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?5 x5 O5 w( C9 S
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）8 N6 c! D& B, o
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
3 w4 ~+ P, ?: R. vWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
( ]4 c( P( X6 b) ZHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
3 C! I3 O5 q3 _( \) `4 B+ w/ d( p; ZWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
  }  `. W; e6 g% |# {Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
) H' b" X3 \$ Q9 A! X  S3 ^1 k（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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* s5 K+ t: o1 v5 u0 r% r2 V0 H总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……