《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。6 R7 L6 Q! h+ k. ?( Z/ l0 k  e9 U
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）5 B  t( w) K$ i$ {3 H
Holmes: I just picked it up.( I5 a2 i! u. Q) O% L
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
* R1 g2 S3 l' M1 K; W5 D7 J! wHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
% s) d: w* |! x/ BWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
* ^0 K: n* ?) S9 D! sHolmes: You did.
* g6 J: v5 D. `+ n（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
7 Y4 t; I9 n' }( I2 N, hHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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7 T" T+ F* k2 [' V& q1 B0 [* }宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
; o: U0 n( Y( s7 y+ j1 H3 f1 |1 hWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
  ]% F- |; R1 \8 S: |+ dHolmes: Granted.1 J. r4 [' Z/ X; X1 d& z
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0 {' Y* s2 |8 `. ^8 E" H晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
0 e) J0 n8 ]& f! B9 h* wWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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; T4 R2 A: e" L拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。6 s) `: p7 J9 A4 B
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
- Q0 z: h* a8 u, NWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）2 I% f8 `2 I! Q1 w
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& f( a: Q+ @8 X' n" X% A$ LHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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3 A. g8 e9 A' C, C# k( J1 I" MBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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. e, i7 j) F  X$ [/ P/ A/ A9 vIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。  p! U) @+ y+ U  o* Y# q
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
  ^- V) E5 Z" b/ V5 mIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
7 ~. _8 {6 p- E7 d0 c8 \0 b, h  kHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）$ p) H$ e( S5 r: ?# P9 G. p
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope." n5 @) W; J7 P! E) p
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# d) D) l# }0 SIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。3 U3 P; I2 i  m! l; w$ |9 I
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
+ ?% }# J9 E6 \: B0 b$ O& N8 mWatson: Get that out of my face.
8 Y5 a- u  H: C/ L  dHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
3 Z3 |- T1 s- X) Q7 K' c8 @Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
  u& a7 q6 R- w. S- K) X" G路人警官Clarky上场。& Q. s  k/ Y3 ]2 H
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
* h; D8 |6 y, |, A* k, oHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）+ h+ q$ T+ W- j0 ?2 N& I
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
  k2 y9 Z) g7 {# e! f* y1 }0 UWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
: X2 t  ]# `/ {! E2 d: JHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。8 i2 S) c2 O  q+ ~4 s
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
9 S: X/ T9 P9 ?5 d/ `Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
6 k7 w2 ~  s/ J" ~Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）) q( n# b; c7 k! r* p
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。9 ]: X  a+ j8 _: @# ?! U# z
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
$ d( {; _" G4 l4 x$ PBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…0 ?' X& z$ ?& ^1 V" K5 r. Y
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）" L6 y5 }, ^( T, b
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
0 W0 w0 e7 S+ M0 j" LHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
9 l& v5 n" k3 @: f0 N) b8 R后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
3 F6 B- t' ^3 H3 u  m# B2 mHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）. k' D+ W* l) \- ~' h
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
; }7 |* {) {, J- ?% jLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.0 ]: B* v& M# \% b
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$ Z6 B+ B% a# e- X接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
/ i7 B8 X8 |7 l4 X话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。9 r" n9 C+ j/ `5 O3 R
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
- E5 w% g3 \3 u8 {/ f5 O: h/ w: JWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）6 o- D  Q! U  ^0 t, o9 ?2 \
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）( E0 u9 ^2 I8 E
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?) Q$ g/ D. y& i  L5 j& b
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）; [. J. v* ^2 t- C! c( M
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）! B2 k' Z- o; T) L5 u" @
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）/ g+ t/ Z) N& [6 m6 d
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
" Y' ]. }5 p# eWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
+ \  w0 \0 h* c1 u( |& s6 T; VMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
: C5 j1 L: v6 @6 [! Q（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）  o* I# y& [* F" |- m
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1 k9 ]* l" H* q. G+ \/ O总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……