《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。8 U& @% t# V. V* [) n
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。' N9 u' I1 I) _
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
* q) h! a$ b* WHolmes: I just picked it up.! Q8 U( P, ~- k4 }0 r( K5 P
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）5 K) X& N7 t  E3 H; v# E
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
( P* O8 l& p' p: [Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）6 ]7 D3 {8 c$ r# e, u% C+ W
Holmes: You did.
0 f7 c+ X- _4 Z9 F7 w$ N4 B% Q（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）( A) E, Q  \' @6 w
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.+ l, G4 \- R1 a; l
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。: h- N$ q* i9 ~, h- k) X8 g
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
& [  T  t0 w- }8 Z- i/ I( BHolmes: Granted.- o6 l7 n7 I  l  I1 H
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
  ?& w8 N- w: T3 P. ?* G7 nWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）) [/ c! x+ p( E# |* V
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+ l: u/ t9 \* G7 O5 {拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。( ^) O/ X5 g; z
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。* f$ A/ J1 D, U; o' o# Z6 f3 D1 ^
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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. N- d; B- F. O" @Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。  P1 Y3 P5 Q0 E) B- _3 T
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3 d, n8 X* H/ oBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。  K3 Q: @: ^4 R: O( p
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。) ?1 l& Q  q0 V9 [
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
. x0 \! u6 F$ E5 |9 ]2 E9 ~Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?) q8 T* Z' ^. i$ y6 Z
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）, [; I. i# d3 C; @
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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7 J6 A: W/ d! l! ]Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。9 w7 \: D$ |9 d& T$ s% Y
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）8 ^0 T# V: |2 c
Watson: Get that out of my face.! Q$ l) o1 L' b" _
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.5 q3 z1 N1 `5 e' c& \4 h; E0 ]5 K
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
$ `6 z/ d* A. f) w, m$ T路人警官Clarky上场。0 o6 I3 R/ G$ j: v) Q
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
5 w+ x  ~% F3 ~( `Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
7 L& t) J9 C$ e得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
* G# d) _2 `* U" A! Z/ b" d6 lWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?. J0 \3 B$ f) k" E5 }* m/ C
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.6 z" o9 B# x( \8 `' R
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7 a3 i( V+ }$ x. U墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
1 P5 K* Z3 H1 ^8 {% Y0 s（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）% ]( G) Y4 p7 a
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.. `3 P- f+ O' T6 I7 ]  t6 ]
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。! M# \: |9 l: m4 B3 C% ~
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）3 w& z! N( i' g: r3 ^
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
$ x% e4 `! u  j: K( e0 O( IWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）: X+ m; R$ [6 d9 z# v# k4 m
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。) x1 b9 b0 \. ^& y1 m" I7 _# i
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）& R6 G3 H, d) u  y9 n
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。" p3 }* Q1 {$ `8 O( X0 {
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）8 k8 [0 `( B% v! T8 N
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  J, V5 v! g+ ~2 n6 A1 b警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。6 ]( s2 n* l& Z) [2 \- W" C, D
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing./ j+ c% `) \; e$ n* [) P
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' K7 [% j2 E7 i- k8 m接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。) c( g$ V; K  r  A$ v$ d( Z. m
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
5 H# o, t- q) B- s; Q. f5 J3 QHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
  N* }1 J3 V! b! J: ~8 v* RWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
/ [% x5 b5 W' ?6 yHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）0 r3 I5 Y* x% F3 B
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
. A& o/ D# x. u0 O. {5 KWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）+ ~0 }: K% z( I* W0 L, H
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
" Y; O, I: }2 jWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）- K$ K# Q9 n3 C( D* b8 u. t1 n
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）# z# Z% N1 H5 U8 b  Y/ v
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）$ M; t- Q' b1 U/ Z& ]" [9 ^2 w
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
: G1 |/ m8 N. L, \（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）0 K2 {, F. y! @% k. M+ m+ [1 x- g
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1 O. I) w( ~% T% W% r6 R) Q总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……