《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
4 s3 Q  A: d  p9 a***********
  J2 G" J" k+ r2 n, X+ C9 t. U; Y1．# z4 a9 N$ ]" _9 c) w- C/ z
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。# F. X  V- M6 I, l+ M) U) n
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）1 s, A' o8 ~2 w
Holmes: I just picked it up.* y; Y6 u, f  q) M
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
1 j* {8 |& L3 ^' S/ W' ZHolmes: Knew I forgot something.- d% k/ C* C4 e$ ~7 d. y! x
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）- V: ^. s0 @9 f+ t6 h
Holmes: You did.6 T1 }8 W4 z( c
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
- _; Y! i  j8 y# `. w: n$ aHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
) W$ _6 B; @- H" I0 o/ K; c2．  H: t, y- F, R9 A
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
1 F6 h( u9 z2 q' y7 S( jWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
$ b0 u8 G. E2 i8 P. aHolmes: Granted.
4 k1 r& O4 C* z1 ~( ?. a  o3.
2 A8 x; d4 }% K6 @, h晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。+ d& O+ l+ E" g$ ~
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）% j5 r$ M% o3 T1 \6 |
4．7 k7 O% {' e) \) I. s
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。+ N; }' C3 h' T9 w0 a
5．
3 }1 ?0 |5 d( F1 ~: fWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
2 T+ K! H' z: w! J0 v, FWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）( A! z7 z1 Q( e* Z+ x
6．
; D0 ?, x: K% |0 Q9 W: NHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
1 T( r+ x6 i. x+ m9 C2 o% g2 m  Z8 E7．7 y0 W1 Y5 Y" @6 r2 m
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。7 ^! o1 K0 g: H# M1 {
8．
) H( \3 ?$ t! VIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
/ {- {% a+ A: S" l6 o2 F（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
6 E( @' h4 F! k6 KIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
& I2 K  ?3 e2 @" j" P1 PHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
8 T% I4 R! u5 _; qIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.* r9 v3 \& m: G8 e
9．" D# _0 f  S( V" a, F( l
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。1 Y8 R$ h, r8 Z/ `1 L
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）2 Z( n* k; M" B& W0 I: Z7 X( z4 {+ w6 @
Watson: Get that out of my face.
* A, v) c# ]$ f+ a, W; ?  sHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.* Z6 e9 Q3 H' R$ ?5 J
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.1 u) K. L. Y, F
路人警官Clarky上场。
( s) ?1 d0 Z" k  p4 i3 }/ PClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.8 H" H/ k( |) f' R  ^# Z# e( i
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）. ~3 Z* |5 q8 ]6 K3 {7 W* L2 t- o% U
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。# q) `8 O  y6 x0 q" Q6 o
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?, @" {2 v/ L( c: f9 ~  ~
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
* A+ e. R  r6 v) E# q, T10.
4 K; h" P" r, F6 Q墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。% }& h0 z- U& k, ]
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
: I5 r* \" i" JHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.$ G3 |( i# ~! V: O' S8 U) k4 d
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
# n2 U: U7 [5 ^# e! O* H7 O11．
; q. r+ N0 ?9 g/ n# @河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
# S9 O# ^6 ?: hHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
) W0 o1 }# P2 l1 P5 }+ j5 \Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…7 M! j; [; q3 w! t# Z$ ^2 S
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
% ~) i/ k) z- X9 ]- _" X/ C  t) J- N死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
; P3 q: u, o0 k0 h: ]$ I" \( cHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）! h4 v( B. y) \
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
$ F9 s! U0 u3 n- DHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）- ~: A' D* Z. r6 d- a
12．
6 `9 g' n0 y; _警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。% ^2 E, c1 P, F% j
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
. H5 f/ p& N& p9 V. i13.0 [7 ~2 _0 _3 }$ e
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
. r2 E) f% _. d话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
( O9 E, ]! l- f( J8 c7 UHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）( U% Z% i$ E) l+ e; @/ z4 {
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）3 d3 A4 {% n* ~0 X
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）* {& @( U  z# ^  s4 _# G) Y
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
: e# v  C: A- t/ q1 zWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
+ i6 L' d# x, L+ [Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
, U5 N/ {, G" R' F; tWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
  I" y, W8 p  THolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
1 C, \# D) z; \( t# B4 N$ p8 KWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）( s/ ^0 L% S+ C  H" s3 A% j
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）" N) J( |# z/ D: f
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
- ]% @$ g  y. W! n* q***********
7 V  Y! Y2 C# v+ ~2 r6 Z总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……