《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。/ I( s6 Q7 z) Y8 s9 o8 u
***********
$ a% s8 X6 B% m9 K/ v  y( S1．- X* V2 o% O6 `. ?. `' u2 a' o0 @- B
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
  U7 C0 |! I+ M( U( ~Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）+ ^% Y4 ]; I" ]  F% _# R
Holmes: I just picked it up.
: o) R  _- `" g" ?& ^: r7 z6 RWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
' Y7 b. l$ S* O3 U0 t" I6 e: D4 DHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
7 c" `+ z9 L5 [8 Y8 K8 x5 mWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）2 Y% L! W- x; c+ i$ v& ^
Holmes: You did.7 f$ `! O  G& m$ v$ y& V8 @1 g
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）5 a. S% N9 `+ f- K& m
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
. k) N' @7 F" b2．. v; a; @3 K; W4 R/ ^/ o
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
+ L1 r8 s2 r" B- N/ [Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
  ]( {- ?2 k$ s1 dHolmes: Granted.9 a6 a2 v/ ~1 I. p- I5 G- d
3.
8 d( Y  c, b$ l% d晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
2 `8 ?; G" D& N: D1 W0 G  N$ `Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）# j& X" N9 I/ Z. g) V
4．8 ~" A0 [  U9 w# C; v# S8 `
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。: D- M& l8 S4 O+ r! p5 p1 e, {
5．
/ a( U8 u# H+ {5 lWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
/ Q  y4 U7 o3 P# vWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）; F1 W8 P# U7 r7 S& V" E
6．
( ~5 x' R* Z$ T2 YHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。4 ]& r# m5 }: M1 _# U
7．4 i' S8 Q: M1 l, `$ x6 O
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。; j: G" T# b* D
8．
/ u* z* J- W$ r9 pIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。3 W9 P- P5 y( s* D5 U. E, V% j3 j1 l
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）. R& c1 o* u# [& o+ |+ U
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
, ]! C+ v% e6 u) O; KHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
+ `% {5 g. U5 N2 MIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.# o8 ^' _9 [: q% m
9．
/ Q2 V7 w% }% J7 T/ v5 {Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
# _" c9 R. k/ d" {+ p( C4 lHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）9 D! K; ~; ]5 s' M1 B3 l# t
Watson: Get that out of my face.
& ~+ v0 w! ?! A" @, x- UHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.7 e- L& B1 Q3 r. f; l) \
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
( v& ^$ y1 b$ J6 |  |2 x" A路人警官Clarky上场。% s$ N; D' ?$ h5 f4 R0 ~; H- q
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.& Q; L: I0 t3 y% r" q
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）9 V6 v! ?/ Y7 M7 b
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
- Q8 |, ^0 V, a# L8 V$ {- dWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
$ C- j5 r9 M$ WHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
+ ?/ f* e" {8 y" u, }3 D10.+ U  d) X7 z" Q/ B, E$ w
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
7 {7 c$ O0 l8 i（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
4 k9 h+ f9 U6 _- B6 jHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
( b* Z6 D: n6 D) tWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
: b" K0 U3 P; f3 Q3 ~11．- J* Z+ c9 u; Q
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
8 N3 e! \5 \0 R8 k# HHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
7 P* B) h! Z: x9 ~: o. A8 |+ NBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…: O4 ^- y0 o/ I% V) x8 {
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）; _" H9 c" C! J) h) @1 C9 p
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。6 ?% T, g2 @0 s! E$ D; t
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）2 z! o1 X6 Y: G7 _" }% e$ F. S
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
0 g6 p0 G) k8 ?( k- c; THolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
4 u( Z# |- v2 P7 [1 @  F( j12．
  |! V; [, p$ b2 D0 q0 [警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
/ q! x( h8 b9 m0 @Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.7 q: U  V5 u) n1 U$ ^
13.% ]. O& y+ B1 u8 u& V# ~7 }
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
0 {4 x$ W( Q2 O2 a4 a& x话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
0 b# U; x7 _% R$ E- r- I3 yHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
# m7 o+ V! s" [5 HWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
) e: K2 G% U4 p4 g( }Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）! {6 y4 X& e& g& D2 p
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
9 g. y( l, t* c1 v/ DWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
. G8 a2 U% j3 [Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
  _3 R+ R5 O# oWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）4 Y7 E- ?/ e' `3 {8 C
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
& G; P( o! r4 ~1 P! zWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）! g6 u" V6 z( [$ x0 [
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）- t! d# r0 c# v" Q5 v4 I. W
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）( d0 |4 h  l* T: `6 f
***********
7 _. P  `3 u5 i0 {9 c8 G' R  Q总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……