《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。1 \( H0 \' e3 ], L+ I) m
***********- o' a# n& K4 K6 n
1．
: Q" c* I+ T2 P2 X0 I影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
& d& \1 y# M7 A' t  J3 NWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
3 P* U* _0 S* @Holmes: I just picked it up.  K- U% ^( j% l6 {
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）+ X# `  R4 T, l; S# ?
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.1 |4 t: |$ `  ?) m: e1 z
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
. G& i5 _# }) x4 ^Holmes: You did.$ l) I( B/ a9 s% I
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
: e' d4 y# d0 b  C# H' m3 N: o* K4 kHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
3 d* e, U1 v  s' |9 M2．0 Y1 \; H7 g7 _, d" M: n
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
7 I* {3 l0 F3 o" tWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
, \$ ?' m) {# f4 X* v8 NHolmes: Granted.* k1 ]9 l9 S. }; O* `1 A0 j6 W1 F
3.
- t( Q5 O7 T7 e$ `$ i. r, t) t晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
9 c- c2 {0 |9 ?6 dWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
6 e- a3 |; u# q( H5 M4．
. Y0 E9 F; k$ @2 V3 s' H拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
0 L# F) C, @7 C( h$ X! t* C! z5．
& i& D& a( Y) U: TWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
8 R0 X1 H- B/ O# r- |) _6 F1 hWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
2 @6 n7 I5 ]+ b/ ?6．
6 p9 T( O2 r: f% b) e4 ~% ?Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。7 ~0 w' ]$ E# X/ x" `
7．
# ^7 \+ U! |: |- OBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
! Y3 i) a7 n* {! ^% O, y* X0 j8．/ w3 C9 G6 E. @  b  J: q$ }
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
, ^, j) p& U! D8 g; |$ {$ q8 M（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）" ~3 J& f3 X( {: O5 N, i  P
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?! o, k$ K5 U0 f
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）* b% k. M: q* [- v1 S( d7 i6 N
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope., U% r/ Y' c8 G8 Y% ~
9．' x; _8 z; N2 G) B
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
4 a) V0 a0 W* Y9 }; ~" J. V' |. jHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）% c- F! D* x) m. e
Watson: Get that out of my face.4 o, ~# e, _7 G5 ?0 ?
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.1 g( [9 {2 Q  M- D! n6 h6 S+ \- H
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
8 d: b% ~; X5 m8 \0 N, b% e路人警官Clarky上场。
3 [: V& e7 _9 @. h; R% ~Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
0 C# q. W5 c2 f/ f/ [4 |* AHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）" ^3 I- s% O% E; f0 Z* a- c/ M! m
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
7 T% g" u# _! U: E) p* H4 j* a+ r( aWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
* ?, z6 h4 w; DHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
/ P- f$ K2 |7 K. O4 F# O0 Q10.
6 q' Y  f3 h" C7 |) O  R, j墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。& f$ [; n: x1 {% N1 j
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）. r! T; S/ I& P* l& h
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.9 ?7 D4 O8 H! @
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）; P' z: Z1 h' I+ y" M9 l
11．
6 [, p5 z0 A4 T5 ?( P河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。: a9 S* [7 v: P" h4 y# A
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
9 e6 S- D9 Z# x5 Y! T# X- LBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…4 i. t, u% y5 P+ q
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
4 J. I5 ]9 T( Z死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
4 K1 X! K) Y+ g5 cHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）! r; V5 w- A* s8 s  m+ V
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
- s; \  H3 y; o% t% h) Y+ eHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）9 Y+ D1 u. M- O9 @" _% p* X& C
12．' |- E2 K; M; p+ R& u
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。* R2 \& F; D3 A$ Z- M
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
- w2 K( s( @* F4 q5 N13., I/ R: W6 d  |7 v
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
; m  t3 {4 w  f2 S" h话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
' Z8 A" E) s2 |2 v1 OHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）# s8 |7 P; Z% f1 ~# i
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）+ E. I9 \# [4 d- S7 n- y; K
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）. H  n; v# M; h* }
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
6 x( U3 N& S/ G* vWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
  I- d# @% ~- f3 u0 G! P6 ~2 qHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
6 F/ z. o, U/ c. SWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）$ g2 \4 K' @+ V. [  F
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）9 M  ~6 o- @8 a4 J2 M
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
8 {1 H; b! t" e6 W% }Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）2 t  Y# X( a) R
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）1 B# E. Y3 X; _% ]' P
***********! u6 l. S& @" K6 ?- Q+ P: s
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……