《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。3 g4 \0 i8 }4 G5 P* v  d
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
( c' P! j1 p4 Z! PWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）  G! ?8 _6 w0 K' G* T8 A
Holmes: I just picked it up.1 s) _; g3 t# u, T+ Y
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）) F5 M" h* f$ W, X  G
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
6 j5 S  U8 z3 B! w" [$ nWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）3 l) |# D: Q7 y& y; }0 X
Holmes: You did.* F/ ?+ a, S; N# F
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
2 H* k1 k$ J9 V$ V3 xHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。6 z/ s& _' }7 U, O, N- _
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.: Z! E) J2 i, V1 S
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
! ^. {9 S6 f, _) A, B: \" XWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）- b/ e+ U6 D  E) r
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7 t0 c1 n6 w  ~/ y' g4 R5 Z拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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2 F( }7 {: v/ ~, m. rWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。/ U1 u* B0 v& Y# I
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）/ m0 \8 r, g& G5 Q% ~% \
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。% F9 q2 V; k. K; N
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+ x! H' _( M$ u) X' SBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。0 P; ?4 S1 I7 b8 T
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。( F" w' v! a1 j) M4 I; Z* v
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）! _9 d) m, [* D4 O0 |
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
6 b% s0 `; V, x( x0 {5 L, J0 aHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）5 h1 v4 W& P; ], _/ E
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。, m5 d: c2 N1 y0 e$ H1 x+ R
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）/ X& e. ]- W  ^5 e0 j
Watson: Get that out of my face.# p) O, n' P8 S6 o% ^
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
+ L- w: S' R: l: H3 Z9 fWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
4 h! L/ O1 u3 ?0 H4 o6 ?% M$ C0 i2 h路人警官Clarky上场。1 r4 P5 L& H  N# h7 a( I
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.- J; v) `8 n6 p  Y! m& h
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
) I5 O. [6 f% A4 O* [# {% I1 p得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。( K% X/ \0 J0 ], ]& Z$ X. \! _/ w
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?& V9 x+ o! ]2 N: u0 {2 c' ]
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。3 F) p3 e& y- l
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）2 P8 H5 w! U+ h8 p& \% h8 m
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
$ n2 D/ E, E8 s. D5 c7 l2 kWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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9 G- @5 Q( i* n, U: A2 W河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
' P0 c' S* d/ ^1 A2 xHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
. j8 s# l" c2 f; G) k) Z! HBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
( `7 E+ x: o( Z8 e: p( }Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）4 q8 i5 u( ~/ ?1 {0 t
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。$ e& H% O5 k  ?1 q) q0 ~, z" F5 d) r
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
# _$ a1 Q+ J; D: D, Y6 }5 f后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
0 B, B) B6 Q3 ^" A7 EHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。8 N3 }3 M9 Y  h& K
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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; |7 {; N; g8 a4 Y2 B接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。9 y; [3 [& [3 Y* y1 g& ~( {
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
, v! d0 c  e, @: L. e! AHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）) S: s& D  N: ?, T9 V* O
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）  q3 w0 L3 G1 h, ]
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）" b, F/ A2 N; a' w7 F4 C: i! l
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
  ~5 G7 ]" _- [/ n3 F0 P3 _- ?" ~Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
9 X8 g- k* I5 q: Z+ `Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
* i' {$ G5 C: K7 R' JWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
, \# b. D6 u* G2 X9 M' P* MHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
0 g( G1 |. Z, S+ ^0 fWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）" K3 G+ P8 b! ?
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
6 I3 h* F) t; y) o, g: |+ P2 S（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）, n3 ]( ^& Z2 [  h4 y; s! _& \
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' h" X" ]  F( @, a总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……