《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。* L" d9 a; p' t) G
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
5 ^9 U' U0 k% g8 wWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
) C) ~5 Q6 M; d% X# \3 iHolmes: I just picked it up.; g) V7 e% |+ N2 `( ?" v; }
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
5 Z9 U3 i8 \) d) X$ a2 QHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
* x- C; S9 V) ^3 O3 D0 wWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
* |( s4 v7 r2 R, \* ?; O* ]Holmes: You did.
9 u) Y4 K) [) E, k  D（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
- `% A; u2 o/ p& O0 FHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.( i9 d4 x, U0 k7 }
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。; i$ F  _6 S, _# H: U- S3 a- v
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
. z1 Q/ h5 C7 e7 IHolmes: Granted.
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; D( v$ |$ \1 R7 Y  I晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。( u2 n& O  ?8 t& Z
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）- s( X( w1 Y( c5 D3 |
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。7 M- i! E7 ?! l/ m- h
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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* M% |) g* h  `2 K+ YHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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5 @, \, L7 z8 f+ a; v$ ^Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。+ _; r; o' i" {8 K
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
) F8 y" Y1 [7 t9 I2 yIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?1 j& i3 t) v2 k9 _' v4 Q; B
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）0 i1 \( B- [) {8 U4 `, A0 {3 l& I
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.6 d# O+ A% Q3 u- N! i
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。2 X1 U& j8 [: F: ?1 v
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）% o! u9 |6 m* I0 h- H
Watson: Get that out of my face.
1 Y; \% d- m% \0 G9 dHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
5 F4 C. O( ]/ T" IWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
. u4 m/ O, ?* ]# Z! o: B& Z" h路人警官Clarky上场。
& K& U1 B# K0 z+ G+ PClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
1 u4 t: n6 p- n. jHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）; m* K4 V! c; Z4 g- q
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。" P! \0 f' i  b& B, R
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
" d/ h3 x3 W* h9 A0 UHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
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Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
7 t$ r( @  [7 Z& ~) c6 ~Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）% y6 n! c; t; [1 |) f
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+ I, N3 P5 Y4 |& O! E! r; J河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。: |2 N& [, N1 V7 @5 a9 i+ M
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）3 N  i2 R- P- C& R& H
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…) K8 {; w3 y6 m- K% l( q; H) G
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）: n0 C& C# W' y& g0 ^& W: V4 |
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。# c% |3 `: T; a2 X( ]
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
! a4 L/ h* k8 m+ ]/ T% \后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
9 a0 y$ h$ a% G) T3 a- RHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）- ]1 a: E9 x8 ^( t1 X( C
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$ V/ _' d7 b6 C6 j1 h  v警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。. Q- w7 q9 ~6 T
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.8 c: D* {  W  l5 j
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! z/ F8 |4 C, A* Y5 r5 |! W接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
6 R/ K4 K5 M) {1 R话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。6 K$ `7 ?" B5 u+ y/ m
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
" _( O$ P5 v. J' |. B! xWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）, V! L/ `& W2 O
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
" T! w; }# F+ ~1 CMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?& k9 V/ H+ F8 G3 }' O- d4 e
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
! P: y5 ]# g" T( B) G! UHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）& a4 S. L& d3 e6 c; N8 j8 N
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
2 `/ f4 z6 c' m, E- _9 u* r+ kHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）; H* H, l5 o0 d2 y  w0 U( X
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）5 D$ K5 t) m6 G
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）' h0 U! d6 P* Z
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）7 A% _1 m7 T$ ]4 \' w3 W
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# ?5 Z0 x& H+ P0 o/ L" j, I$ X; d' k( j总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……