《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。& V( W/ X1 d5 }; y: A  ?2 E$ {& X8 [9 N
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
' f/ X( g3 r  p/ Y; P6 [, SWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）4 d3 [# o$ G' Y/ A6 p" U
Holmes: I just picked it up./ [* W# V$ y/ Z8 |. c5 w5 F
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
) q" ^. H* j3 v9 W1 z1 N; nHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
! J( |: N' x5 U, n& O7 [0 M, BWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
1 Y- P) f7 W5 v' @+ u/ m. k! yHolmes: You did.
. H. i: ^+ e2 Q$ Z& s; m6 @（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）" b. H4 D! M* ^  \( L( N5 Y, A
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.8 ~7 o2 I6 w! y" @: q& z* ^
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。+ ^1 _. R- e  i+ s
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.- x: t: J7 z; `0 H7 t; ~
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。* W4 r( C' x: ]3 h" X. B* \) k
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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: j/ s+ D/ `; Y2 K* J拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。/ W: `% D9 q, I# P1 z
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
) ~6 V# ?2 F/ V: |2 S) O5 n, KWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）% S- a7 a  X5 _8 i7 v
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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2 j5 f) x! u# b! S) g* `- VBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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' n8 ~: k, L9 P: h9 h) {7 l  d* C  QIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。+ z/ T  }- u( ]" `" K4 @9 w
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
" Q5 k7 |0 h3 q6 iIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?& r; q4 d2 b# q  m
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
. S$ T8 I- J5 x! IIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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. `5 O, m6 p% O" e. w3 O7 B9 ~Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
# e! h7 ]! ]6 i. N6 [" n3 Y. P3 fHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）" N" U( D3 W+ U$ ]! P( R, J
Watson: Get that out of my face.( \2 u* f( s2 R3 u8 M% q. T
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.0 L# H. K+ T4 m/ F; d$ q
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.: ~; R6 a; x0 e8 w7 e
路人警官Clarky上场。
, v# Q: ~6 {7 L( X  UClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.: ?: G) [  u9 X3 u. r+ d
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）. j. n# @% ^6 F% d
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。) _6 ~, @; x1 k( |
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
6 m# ~# b" c, ?$ q3 \Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.4 K! c) G5 a! t
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。7 E# O2 H& T- h/ k0 w3 R
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）+ ]# `8 a) F; f8 W8 `6 h' [" X
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.2 s  N0 K, K  R+ V2 U: n/ C2 B
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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5 m% P( `9 b, p0 C河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
: [5 d0 h$ Y( VHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
& ~" ~( M; U3 C" W5 _Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
  i, J* r  y( A/ a; cWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）' H( \7 A- p- \; M
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。8 C% ]7 e, \% B( |! \8 y
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
& r8 ?; s8 h' ^( _后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
+ n0 Z4 K* f7 k$ m5 B& }Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）5 h% \0 I8 Q, c4 q$ T
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
( n, ?9 L$ c0 `$ I/ M) i! M" o9 WLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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! c/ Q; F' v) w- I' g# V2 p接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。6 e: r" W4 [2 o2 Z8 W
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。; L- E9 A0 R( [9 [, A) H
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
8 C% l4 Z$ ]3 q$ {" a6 qWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）$ G) Q$ u) f. y2 Q1 f
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）3 ]$ @1 h' x: Y$ O
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?- y) ^$ C9 Q; O( `7 v" u
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）7 c% T* b9 |+ v* y& |; y
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）0 u6 w) Z. J! `7 u8 t1 ?
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）, R: K# z$ j; D# A
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
: A- V: h, R5 ?- wWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
2 r0 X3 b" a. R4 ^. ^2 GMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
. b4 N. Y3 \; F- D5 I7 f（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……