《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。- s: e: ^* t! T; v) {: ^2 S
***********
0 y8 G  P3 z& U, H1．
; n4 o5 [/ d& d/ n( V+ N+ S影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
% c! ~& y3 t  R/ C2 ^Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）( n7 p+ \7 \6 W+ i
Holmes: I just picked it up.
) u, S* V  Y% {2 XWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
. I9 [: a5 O' E' ?Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
1 a) t) l* F9 Q3 U* e7 A) G$ sWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）: Y& X' p& L& [8 A+ X9 b- h
Holmes: You did.7 ~$ ]5 S! b- C3 V! D2 o
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
# I4 c7 {4 f. ?/ M' M) hHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
" w7 ?+ t( l  @- L. ~4 J% N  M2 b2．& p1 N& g0 O1 a. f9 ~9 r
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
8 t$ e1 N  ~0 P8 eWatson: Permission to enter the armory.$ j; O( [, k( V, @. H2 l2 O
Holmes: Granted.
/ u) }4 e/ G8 V/ _) W9 n3.6 ?9 ]$ X( g- \/ a/ `8 b
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
* f- s0 u: s3 r5 VWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）0 u) }+ z5 f( H; B$ ], e
4．' }" q: g; ^- E6 E' ]
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
. i" X+ J3 C, I+ l6 h/ `5．1 K/ M" Y/ }; t: P. i# g5 i% h
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。4 W6 M5 G' x# B3 a! I! N/ n. w
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）9 `: u( }* k" l# W" w- ]8 _5 |5 U
6．1 H6 [; G* \9 Z: d; n7 ~
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
+ X- l; L8 l, J7 w7．  Q% e3 U% m* n2 X% q$ k( D! i
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。- N" G7 i. b0 q. w+ S
8．
, M" F* ?9 U& d* [+ D1 h# CIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。' m' O7 v8 O* R7 V3 F
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）' ^! q, j: c0 j8 v5 ~! H7 }5 \
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?* W) m  |% n. w4 h8 `' ?1 F' H6 Y
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
) X, }. z8 ~8 b" Z4 V$ SIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
0 O  B) w( [' ~( N% K) i& X/ q9．! {7 Z& L5 K3 ]- U1 B( h, i# Y! P
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
+ n( L% `9 e' }. \6 \$ C7 Y" ~Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
2 P: X4 E7 ~% {; ?4 BWatson: Get that out of my face.* D# j4 A( L5 v, {/ [1 l, L
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.  c/ y4 |, f/ R  ?8 m; v3 o$ J$ o
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.& x$ b/ Y) m2 l' A  [
路人警官Clarky上场。
& r, T$ c, T% |! \4 y, M, ~Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
! a" R+ ?/ u# NHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）. Z) ]1 C& S" \7 N3 ?
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
8 p0 F$ W9 ~! {. C0 l% |Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?7 b0 ]. \4 |8 l2 Z" X
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.# s* Z( V' H% M; d' @& }& \
10.9 @4 S; f( U- S$ v7 ^1 I
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
/ v" t# M' v' [（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）& o' |, S9 d3 Q4 P9 _( q, Q
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
5 n6 `" i0 n, DWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）" R  b% W4 p# a2 i1 q
11．9 d, {/ q) R. f) G" f) w8 O
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。9 |3 x6 m9 ^1 ~5 d/ e5 W2 w+ e& b
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）- Q& s) z! N3 p$ a; S
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
- j# c7 l/ a, |6 P' i) C* N9 q0 pWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）; N5 E4 |) m4 c9 z
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
7 Z0 n: J8 `: F9 vHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
4 l- B. ^$ s+ {9 F; N5 V后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。& Z1 F6 }9 B) Y. I1 l  S
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
5 c+ x- W5 |, O: m12．2 Z  r% r6 ~6 Y2 G5 e- N* U8 j$ O5 F
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
1 s  X9 Z; O9 MLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.5 C/ u) D& O7 S2 _7 O
13.
4 L" u0 p& x- L1 V% F) i接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。) F* a; e5 A  @7 E$ J0 p9 ?; j
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
/ v8 F0 W+ ^) i/ o3 L0 K5 ]3 THolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
1 [- @  ?1 b, SWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）! Y4 X9 O; f. t/ h. v7 |* _2 `- K/ t
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
1 D1 U% D: Y6 _/ KMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?8 a, @" S7 u% w& }& c
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）) {( ?5 h8 |0 d8 N& K; [
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
- Q; O, j7 `6 }  {7 i$ Q2 _Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
* K- R- f3 q0 E5 \" S. i  Y; lHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
( ~. F* f- ^, q  x# tWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
0 W+ b) F( k9 c3 W% {0 sMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）5 {4 s1 q/ H4 k2 r
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
+ C+ @% I% q. X2 ~5 X, o" C1 w  l***********
0 b1 O7 o  b" `, ?总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……