《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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; k  S  G+ P- |4 i- W影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
# p' u* @4 b( a# sWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
- R+ Q* S; u4 cHolmes: I just picked it up.& }) J0 q  Z0 r$ h% A; `' A
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
: ]9 I& C) X/ l' a9 |Holmes: Knew I forgot something.6 I/ x* ~  e! P$ B
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
6 t/ B& y4 }' ~2 SHolmes: You did.
" `( h/ L' _! U, q  `0 l+ m8 ^（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）" W1 a' b* @5 G& ^# W
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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7 T* {* S% Y; w: S- u宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
$ {4 ?1 ~2 m) D0 _2 m( t* bWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
+ Y+ W( \$ f6 C, L! K: UHolmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
1 a( |5 g* O4 s% U; j8 |Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。/ T) k& @1 r/ E9 W8 z% Q; U/ n
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。3 _: c; ^2 J5 l* P
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）- _8 {( @' b' q$ A. H
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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* H. v" e% A& f& rIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。( p( j7 r3 R" B9 |/ t/ y' _
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）4 Q4 S# p  ^" `; @0 z+ o% z: x" G
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
8 o9 n, j* }. r4 A1 lHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）) Y$ c( @& K5 r5 e7 O
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope." n* [* }' O' o# B1 n3 m% V9 [
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。! s5 A* P. Y5 L6 s% o  h
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）) o8 Q9 Y' t9 m/ |
Watson: Get that out of my face.
" u! @. J$ _2 X3 A# q) zHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
& L# `& c& I+ qWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
2 s$ C1 E4 V3 \, T路人警官Clarky上场。
5 Z7 F( I/ Q! M0 wClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.- y$ G9 h# r; k9 p5 g. Z
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）' M- |# d0 F5 O/ W
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。- q2 Y; Y+ w) q" C  W9 S. ?1 a
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
5 V0 `9 ^$ N5 a) iHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.( k. X/ @% P9 U! P( D0 L
10.
# h% G" J( s( Y9 r8 J+ A& ~墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。$ x: X  C. t& `
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
  I6 B8 t. G7 j5 T" t- \Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.& @- l3 O4 J& {- J5 q
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。* f, z% C! D3 L) J. Y
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
* I: l1 }+ M0 m6 l" J5 wBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
; L4 Z: }, z& X7 UWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）5 y3 u, U( B% v# A
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。2 z6 \- d, H8 j4 V& F" z2 l
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）* J- {  B5 ~0 F7 U- H! u' x  s
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。; e, ?+ U3 h- P5 j
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
- n) ]$ X6 O. X7 v* z* [0 pLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
2 P. j  n4 O; n- ~) Y8 }话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
2 V0 d' ]. Z. F4 i* A% `Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）" t. q& _  F6 o# `
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）% K# f& m: k# Y
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
; l+ l$ [9 v1 R: n; WMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
* N5 [- H2 q  o7 C% S$ HWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）5 [0 C! M. W2 J4 O7 L/ v, o5 Z9 [) H
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
; @( z$ }, L4 y/ S2 m& O/ bWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）1 V/ v0 d1 y. o; m( l3 P( o
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
2 J* m6 v, _$ l) g2 @$ eWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）. O, t, y8 `8 V: Z# ]( [# R
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）; i$ y& g) d: Z5 K
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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  Z* _0 b  l7 |2 D9 Y+ Q* ^总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……