《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。% P  R: q7 h" k/ J$ v
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+ H& \7 {' I8 ?6 @# D影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
" L& q+ n* M  m  K( F# gWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）7 J& n- D/ [4 O5 \) A
Holmes: I just picked it up./ P' q2 k" R1 R% n9 k
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）$ G$ {6 Q" b6 T- _/ E- B; [
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
* @( @) S% V$ }Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）. }9 ?. E% w& z* U- B
Holmes: You did.
# t7 a. ?+ A! b（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）, k& n; W) \) P4 ~$ \- ?
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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7 b- p6 N9 ]) L- E7 Z宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。6 B0 ?8 [+ s4 t5 ~
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.0 A. ~, M' ^7 e& Z" x; p, }
Holmes: Granted.4 Q2 C: M, o) n" h( Y3 d. b$ }
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) r9 Q2 S* o) u8 U3 A- b晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
' B2 v) c/ `' l- V/ P! `Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）) ?0 N0 T& s- O1 A( k
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。# }# x; i6 x& [" f. N/ q
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& g7 o- A7 W0 T: {Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
% b" U( `1 M( C. B3 ^Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）$ K: u. p  b" E; h" S% ]& l! x
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。8 y2 i9 q3 D$ V/ n# O' i  H; O
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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! I4 h9 F; q; W- f) UIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。$ f. p1 H( u7 s- y. l
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）7 Y5 r% U* e5 V! z' l
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
0 O; a; D2 r3 X1 w' |) YHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）: G1 o8 d' \$ _& p  i, N! V2 F
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.; v+ n1 ^- ^4 z8 v8 s; O* j2 a
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4 N5 R) `8 b+ s: F) c" rIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
; a, F; Z/ g' A+ X- m' AHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）* r/ G, R' d3 Z( F- k% P
Watson: Get that out of my face.' U- ~) r: z9 K0 x0 G( Z
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
+ \$ W* E: x  v, y. lWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
& b1 `1 V8 G! U( _5 i  p4 V1 y路人警官Clarky上场。' o. c6 `1 @; g8 `) B) T
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
  q& n; J1 B$ v' nHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）) ^6 _* V5 i+ P/ W
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。* Z$ ]" H, |, U2 v, S1 F
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
0 ?- ~" c4 j* l3 i  LHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.: {. [# p# d6 J$ ^0 R
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8 A2 q" S& Q* n* `* S墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。+ _, [8 H$ v* h9 V$ v3 g
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
9 D) [7 w8 }- H- b& I+ fHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.0 g9 L1 A6 g  y* u: F! o* b* q. b9 A
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）- t' ^' Z8 a' @, N- V" f
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' u# i* E4 [$ v& h) t6 c河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。  v# k8 U/ y8 a; }8 S9 h1 R
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
. Q' {6 W6 M+ ~  uBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…% s# O2 r0 X8 s6 l4 I
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）' Z9 [+ `: \+ }/ H! r
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
. I# G' |6 x( [2 K5 p$ {Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）6 D6 e9 b- [& [; }. e; ~- X
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
2 Z, m: Q. B/ I1 ]Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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( i7 D; G8 m; c4 K8 u3 w8 @  M警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
8 ?4 n) v2 h$ g2 V+ Q( SLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.: ?/ X* A7 j3 r! U; Y: @4 e! S
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+ p# x4 ]1 h& L# ~% d接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。1 a2 a3 T! ~% [+ H- _' D
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。% V* w# K5 s# b" c3 r8 M8 `. c
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）* Y3 q1 I4 J: w& F: j) q* X! |
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）% Z; ?: X1 Q5 X5 x- u1 y
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）8 e* F; \* U% \
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
( G  G8 K9 x, b6 l4 q$ uWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）' A' c+ Q5 v$ i5 L
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）; _/ {1 x7 y3 `" o: ~5 q, t% i6 \
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
' f5 \  q0 ]( ~: {3 E4 E( mHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）2 G) F: B6 J. F
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
8 F6 O- `3 F/ r8 @Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）) P$ M0 p, f! c% Z; g
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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' c/ u3 ^0 s( ]# ~总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……