《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。# _+ p  j) h/ z2 p
***********' V# ~# h3 `$ N/ ?2 x# M8 x
1．
9 j; `# d5 X/ r影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
% T0 g( w" k4 l: m7 ZWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
1 u0 Q8 m1 |4 B! v" f9 PHolmes: I just picked it up.
" W0 b- u7 R6 S1 q* z; Y7 @; U, qWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
( e1 f% [3 g% z% O2 F3 b" jHolmes: Knew I forgot something.2 [0 y$ m$ c. y
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
. g( X. L* ?! q( D8 VHolmes: You did.% v) `: d% C( y' m7 l
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
; J: f# i' e2 Q: q4 W9 E4 xHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
* g  B8 b5 ^' X2．
6 }. f' f) i2 W0 x( Q6 c宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
- Y% }) L' e, ]2 }2 uWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
8 Q7 Q) E' z8 ?; b7 {Holmes: Granted.
5 V* g9 r$ W  d3.
$ }# M' u/ L0 ?4 j+ k晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。# s9 S; x$ m2 E) l, d
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
, K) p, w- S/ r: m4．6 E* D. M4 M/ n2 d( Z* M
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
9 @7 t6 T9 e6 Y  S4 _/ r4 \5 Z5．
. T+ G3 _9 p6 ]! O, e% Z- YWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。% H% ]% K. ]+ L8 i
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
8 |  x, |" S! x5 x& ?6．( D: Z1 C" ?( ]+ X) p* l' K2 K7 k
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。0 f: K  ~. g6 X& A! l) ?
7．' @6 I3 {# N6 \/ F) M
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。6 o: ]% N" w8 L! c/ `5 i
8．! L: s) s; n2 k! `, s
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
" d, c$ N: H7 x" r% W（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
( d7 ?2 ]+ e* XIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
3 k8 L8 M- L& m7 q; h7 I  u; \Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
- @5 f7 A  u# Q# r( M- C: `, VIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
& J2 e$ J, ]4 X3 c. l! n. |+ \* O+ s9．
" z7 e  w& Q/ r& Q4 @Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
; i* p2 Z% h7 V) q5 O3 q5 zHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）' s8 C: }/ }7 V9 p5 e7 x7 e7 t
Watson: Get that out of my face.& a" v2 @/ r/ D0 n* A
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
3 h1 j4 u% b$ g1 }Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
0 E" @  X0 i! [5 d+ m路人警官Clarky上场。
+ j1 O! g! [; @2 G  ^6 E0 \) {" SClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
2 {( k, z' B& q9 w9 zHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）2 t9 X* u; q( V$ `
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
$ w0 ~' {( a9 bWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?' |# [! L7 t. B- c
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.  {! F9 W) X* x2 u3 g
10.3 ?& q6 ?  L, X* D2 m, ~$ z! c$ ?
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
3 y$ q% t8 }5 k（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
9 M. r( z' J; _4 Y( @1 w+ x# d" B( BHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
3 L' s7 z" i% h& a" yWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）% M; b( }$ a0 F4 V, \9 h, ]
11．
) }  j8 b) k3 @9 {6 ^3 |3 [河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
2 B1 A  i5 }% y" k8 M% PHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）6 E2 n( M; q# q3 x
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…$ E& R* S9 d; l+ V+ c+ ^/ F
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）. E/ z2 O% ^+ U( ~2 f% C) Q
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
0 p) U6 F' t# D0 R2 \1 y0 iHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）, {/ a4 Z3 z7 _; |6 W# X9 b
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。- f. I2 \3 h+ k2 X+ }! _
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）2 R2 m) c7 ~3 r7 _
12．& m- t2 K9 q# O9 I7 L8 Y
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。) X! V, ~+ `2 E4 h/ B- b# S
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
; z% N$ W$ u: Y1 r% X* l+ @! W13.4 U' N3 C! m2 B- \% j9 ^1 ~
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。6 |/ K. l# p+ E; O6 O
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。; D! Z% D+ \; |0 p. z: m
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
' J) W% D! w, Z( I% ~& X& uWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）0 l: {/ P5 q! k- w  j9 |/ O
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）* V' |% x0 f6 e9 G- k% r9 t
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?! t% B6 c: X2 E7 p, r
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）9 N4 x- m0 y! r7 c
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）( r8 ~- ^. l7 T) I( _, N: O7 W" D+ O
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）4 H: ~, e" v0 r7 H) @: V
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）' d8 A4 k' D- y7 [) c
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
0 j% a# v: q, @3 a3 |- HMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
$ r( C2 w& q) X3 W# n5 m（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）8 R4 v( k" w8 d! R
************ U* z; @3 t, S0 ?  O  E3 F/ _8 s
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……