《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
9 _' A# L4 [! h: B! |***********
2 D% B. c1 n* b3 [, b' z* H1．4 Y9 w0 m1 E9 ~) I0 d; e
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。# ]& }6 v* G" l* p7 T5 r& S! |
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）6 `# \" G1 d. q
Holmes: I just picked it up.0 i  X4 q+ E, g% M* ^
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）! F. Z% j) C  u( H& X
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.9 Z1 Z( a" o  s3 l
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）8 W# w. C9 G, h. Z; O; x, _) B* _
Holmes: You did.
0 n; ~5 w4 g2 W（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）& `* B, L5 o! T" V3 Y7 S
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.5 I; Z3 B2 K9 ?5 U" h( |2 }
2．
# s! d4 N! Q; W; i宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
2 {6 u& u( w' k* o6 VWatson: Permission to enter the armory." [: q9 A/ }7 }9 q% A( y
Holmes: Granted." r: c: R. b: `
3.5 [/ X$ \5 K6 ^
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
4 J* X& M) i; jWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
. o4 F: @$ k* s( G; `) d1 }% A4．
: k! ^, s) p1 U拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
  z8 m0 I; M& C9 S" ^8 b5．
; r5 p- J8 V# ]8 mWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。" }: ^& Z0 j  G  S4 |! i
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
. a' }" |& h7 o% `  T" c# K6．( D( Y1 N( @# N+ a
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。5 o( R3 `1 j) Q) G
7．
% ~# ]# F9 s2 |# N7 E3 TBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
" d' \8 y* L& |2 |9 n& E8．" f. }- F4 E& J+ S7 h- q
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。. }! A0 p8 }- h# e; v: g
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
  Y" e* H  e- h& O' G( ]Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?' l/ P" I  d5 V3 n
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
& r. t( o. q: ZIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope., g. J# U) e, E
9．
/ M; J  H/ c( j" {; sIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。' y+ A% S, A" Q; b" v
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
8 d, n% u6 _3 y6 M6 A, j, NWatson: Get that out of my face.* B8 z- K) @# Z1 c, K  \1 g1 U" K
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
, ~5 \4 ?3 L5 x; T7 d& }( {, R, gWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.' \  B/ T) V0 _/ i# u
路人警官Clarky上场。& P$ J) y5 h% h
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
! h: V- V! R1 A+ |' C  ~# r2 @8 qHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
% j4 r# U1 g8 G+ Y得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
) s: ^' G& R# M2 WWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
$ `# G. w* x1 t+ l5 d* D2 iHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
5 H8 F! S% W. j+ A! S$ ~' [! Q/ o& J- y10.( B2 R% n$ ^& g, O
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
- U8 @  W( p0 C（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
6 e% i, |6 V+ J' w# ^Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
% ^9 f( S* D* iWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）3 {5 F1 N$ i: L
11．
( L! g3 K* Z6 Z6 ?/ g河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。- o7 z5 t+ Q1 B6 r' f# A7 L
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
# k4 L8 }1 V5 \# d0 P9 nBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…; o& J6 |: ^/ L* V1 Y  Y
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）" D/ {  |' [& l9 H6 q' Y- g, Y
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
6 D& B  S( x. t$ JHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
/ [9 I  Z7 z* W6 w" T后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。7 v! C+ R3 F6 n
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
  Y+ J9 C, Q6 W12．( `& M4 k& @& r6 ^  p; I+ J
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。) a8 J: q+ d2 t6 x1 Z; h
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
. K& B! L! h% U* M3 s13.) m9 v& L$ E: E6 Y& p8 D! P- [1 P
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
0 h* z8 T! g. z8 l话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
% Q# j, e' P/ [+ V1 D- c- IHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）( I9 h" H) u( u# B
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
; \# Q1 b' |3 \% iHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
6 b1 O- Q( \2 u8 A9 L0 qMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
  o! o  L9 ~1 d" j! MWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）% k/ t! e& q& r! l
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
) a5 Q" z7 X8 Z8 VWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
1 v, p- \. V( k& a( nHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
8 m7 S3 f2 t0 \; C' iWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
! S) ]4 G' {; \! j* IMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
, H4 V/ A5 I! [( \2 y, l（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）  a$ q$ G0 ?, z. P5 A
***********
. j1 ]* `5 o' n& @3 R总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……