《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。% z! @' }- V5 G: r* G* g1 A5 `0 a
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
  m5 C& B# W4 b( y/ q- ~6 jHolmes: I just picked it up.
0 F' a4 O; g6 ?  o1 hWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
2 H: I% \( p+ b9 V1 e+ HHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
, Y1 f3 y$ X4 {2 H- Z: E* zWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）+ j( a* F2 a. E, ?9 u. o3 v" Z9 t. V
Holmes: You did./ \2 Y9 R  y$ y
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）4 L- n! S! N& f' B( D1 d0 j
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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3 c0 G# Z- M$ v" W宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
4 ^) U- q+ B8 LWatson: Permission to enter the armory." `9 _/ t! R7 {3 ?; a; _' }
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。, ?4 F8 m% B% N* L
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。2 I6 h$ n: k, p2 S4 V% r
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。' B1 l5 ?2 G; ?
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）! Q1 Y- D8 Y9 Q$ s
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。# ]2 d1 @% r3 N; m' m6 H
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。6 w8 m! C- t2 w9 ~* [3 M) ?
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6 w4 w* `2 X( b4 U* ~2 W3 nIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
( X" b! c# z% E5 w0 |5 t4 d（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）3 g2 k1 Q; k8 S4 \) _
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
3 v: ^2 |% @1 O5 h" j  z/ VHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）3 P: f! ^  r+ B
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.. i" H/ }+ Z- R, j# Z- z5 g
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9 v0 b- j' x! `$ ?" H% K* g& P& RIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。( j5 t0 t" k5 i1 U' u1 K9 @
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）' d7 U9 q, b# P' P  S
Watson: Get that out of my face.8 o$ r! U. d( i. i
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
/ t+ I/ _3 J& M1 Y  F1 J. Y: r' PWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.& u' L: b' i6 M% F7 B( S
路人警官Clarky上场。
7 y/ i, q4 k" f! @Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.  n- K0 Z' n( `/ k! `& s5 [; V
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
2 n$ r! o! w2 E" o; K  V8 r# S- x得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。7 q3 K3 l$ V: Q2 s1 b' a
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
# F2 a" m# g6 h# X7 KHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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9 N0 q, ~& Z1 F. @4 H墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。8 C7 t; V2 q! d: P, N
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
, p8 [$ q2 u* Z6 V( d. G( s- @Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.) w- C- G6 @. j2 t
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）) K; A: q& K4 p- [* D
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。& H1 T8 q: E3 b; O
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）2 J% p# V4 S$ k+ q( Y% `% M
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
4 M2 D) K1 i6 S- ?' {: g0 rWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
( ~3 @2 g( {1 b死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
, Z2 ]0 u) x" [Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）$ c2 |1 I2 @% S  e* H9 a; L& t
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。2 M$ d& T3 T# \" Q0 `
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）3 X0 f7 m! o! a, s
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
$ i8 S% T8 g) x9 J- q* ~Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
1 @+ j8 K" U: w/ @& L: m; f3 b话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。& d5 O5 V! }( o8 a$ ?, }; W
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）8 F2 D' d# |6 z1 }3 d9 ?
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
+ ~& E, e8 R1 g5 d" V5 a& C4 IHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
+ s+ K  E  d8 `2 {7 }4 P- b! wMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
. ^, W( U/ u) h8 ~3 cWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
5 d3 T5 W4 W: a7 h$ u: MHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
) W3 v. v! x! ?6 FWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）* b- F( U+ B/ k; P: [8 f
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
5 Z/ L$ {2 e" b: I8 S$ v9 qWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）, w7 g6 D  x" |7 t* A+ i: \, ?
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
  d9 o' z, g) b1 w0 n（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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% o& A  P8 k; v' t; v1 N总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……