《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。! w! l  @2 Q. C
***********9 s. f( z: C/ `
1．
0 k1 T7 h3 A9 \9 o. W4 K影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
" O0 d5 y& R  A4 [8 [Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）3 `4 R! f1 v( N% O( A
Holmes: I just picked it up.9 L1 w, f" m  [7 H, B- h; \8 v
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）9 E  s# c2 l' U# e8 |
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.) s# L3 R! b& r2 _
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
2 y0 V; x% ?: `$ ~Holmes: You did.
/ c; B' Y7 y5 g& x（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）  c4 U" t; a+ e
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
9 L0 T- x" N4 D# L# h9 V2．5 Z! ^5 t5 [* p* Z' R
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
( b; j% p( B* L4 r- Q7 d4 N# \) W! x8 zWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
- K* f3 J2 g" ^5 Z$ g9 j8 H8 f% EHolmes: Granted.
  T& w( J  L- b2 k. o2 j. E3.
  s' R0 G6 d, \晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
; ]& I9 Y6 K7 o0 h5 |, [% jWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
0 ]/ E% E# @. X& O: l1 {5 v3 h4．
7 F* c* z3 O# q5 e0 d0 B5 N拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。# H2 Q, T, ~% _  H5 I" H  I7 J
5．
8 r0 G, P, v2 }/ r7 V7 PWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。) ]  n) _! x, N$ ]9 N- p
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
) z* g+ g2 B: K6．
" V: n5 Q/ g: z$ xHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。* Q/ k5 x7 t5 `1 v- J
7．' u. \1 x7 e+ _  q2 k
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。6 s3 V( v2 u& |+ R1 [: e
8．, J9 F$ U+ H4 ~2 _+ d4 w
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。" {7 E) @2 J0 P# g0 K! _7 Q
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
3 i1 k" _5 E) i# N  ?4 hIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?9 j7 k- q( I* L
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
+ b$ S$ Q( Z% gIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
4 N0 u: E& W# a9 J# R4 _0 z9．
" ?6 ^. @- a% }" b; t0 y5 O5 QIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。, C. r) A! s! S) I  o: p) r
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）) x3 h8 @& N  V& E4 w
Watson: Get that out of my face.! Q2 F; q0 k% B5 i
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
: Q1 q! X$ s$ I! l+ eWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
8 T/ N# g$ f) h7 \. y9 H路人警官Clarky上场。: G+ C1 [  y4 Y
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
8 g( b- e" G& I! r: ZHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）; O1 v5 v& b& E8 ?
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。; e& w% u5 V% N8 N$ h
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?$ {" d5 G0 F, e7 o) T- b2 a
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
: \; D1 \: ?  N9 G1 M: H4 d10.
0 y6 F- K" T, X墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
( R+ g0 h1 l6 v0 m) i（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
6 ^# [% l' I' s' ~. j6 Q/ HHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
3 o$ c7 t7 `- g( n0 n6 @Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）- C5 V! A/ r9 }
11．* L& w# t) [4 R8 j" h/ ]. N- J( v
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。1 ]3 H0 z3 l' U
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）( S- y7 U1 k' ?8 _
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
% F; M$ F) e" ~5 ~2 T* ]# J. Z0 B& OWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）+ H7 E9 [3 d0 s/ }) n* q
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
  X; e. T7 C! g2 a3 D" u5 J9 I$ A% YHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
6 W; o; c! s1 A0 h后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
- L- d* j& l# }7 t  O% RHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）0 ?# x/ V! Q0 o4 H9 j  l
12．
6 F* d# ]/ j6 t& M' u2 ^警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。  }/ y: h* {9 O% ^9 |2 C
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing." \# }9 d7 d6 C" X9 a
13.1 ~/ }) n7 m& l- w
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
6 @0 j5 F; |  N2 @) i话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
6 b" D: V, i! sHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）7 @0 x0 J3 C5 X; s5 x
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）+ Y. _# p4 B; y" R
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
: h2 M$ z' V* G7 _Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?/ G) v- \3 p% o
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
: n; @0 r; a0 z! m; o2 @Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）0 {8 v! ?1 U! q4 {$ M  Y
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
9 G5 R( H: M& a8 C) E+ i. j: p: VHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
: p1 @4 K; o/ y) c9 \7 K9 o& o- y" mWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
' W4 k# ]  k3 ?7 p- [& [& x% ?Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）- I, Y+ A6 c0 @, P8 S0 y: ]  V* I4 p1 @
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
8 i3 P& I! t, w$ m8 e  _) J' ]***********! @, {" O4 S  ]4 p- a% G$ W, x$ y
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……