《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。4 R- r$ ~6 y2 W4 X, Q
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
2 s/ d8 v; X" @: U7 YWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
) H% f+ I/ c; o$ ], X) P* QHolmes: I just picked it up.
# ]1 ?" `# Y% ~4 o+ F0 g4 y" \Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
5 G8 V% L# l4 {% r3 l& f7 PHolmes: Knew I forgot something.( G3 R% V- @) d7 L" f: C: e% f
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
- z' h3 @" J. |7 y8 n" UHolmes: You did.+ }- k: S  k2 a
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
5 R4 H8 g5 y9 h  s9 v4 P5 gHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。8 l! V/ f( l$ U% q
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
8 i# y* J8 C; I( j  z3 |Holmes: Granted.: S. [4 G' J" P6 R" i( |& ]# D, T
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。+ U& n2 i# m/ J4 z
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）" z! T0 ~/ x3 h+ r6 J9 G5 r
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。6 K( J0 c1 @. V7 K2 J8 K, W
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）# O, J5 {* l* ~/ @3 ?" J
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+ ^+ L+ d& [: k# e  dHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。3 y7 w( u4 A0 s( Y
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8 C* q- ^+ m4 y& t, G+ g; }Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
9 F7 Z$ ~  {) E3 a! W& l7 ]Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
" U  ]# Q  G+ u  P  fIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.8 c6 o# D$ D/ q8 g, a
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
1 G  w0 m) Z& v) x- p9 OHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
. H( \$ ~2 B+ A8 e9 i: }Watson: Get that out of my face.9 V& ?7 C  O* u# C9 M" H
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.2 {  E$ E# ]- a. H+ c" w
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
5 [, Y  [) v% I' R# }. w9 V( g$ V8 r路人警官Clarky上场。
$ S0 q* L( _4 e+ x) nClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.4 U* O7 K1 X( b9 X+ G0 r8 d
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）# C! Q! b9 ^) i3 _4 ?4 M( Y& F
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。) l7 ^6 |7 A7 X+ ~
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
  |% M7 ]. e9 K% z1 K2 ~, `9 FHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.5 r2 a4 a5 _- n  m1 q* c/ E# @9 U
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8 F9 v8 K1 @7 j5 y4 A3 W( i* X墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
: |4 M  w7 I& J5 r（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
( Q; A9 B7 ]4 wHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.( B- K4 U( f! U7 Q6 {
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）+ P4 }8 _- M5 d4 n. c  w
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
9 F6 ~7 V0 {& P; |$ R- g; t: d# hHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
, h1 i7 {! _4 B- J; GBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
! J" T$ X$ k5 h4 E  HWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
+ M& f7 N) k+ s2 B0 B死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。1 U7 ~5 U  h5 p. w
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）% ^& ]; h  v) u' _7 `4 K% H
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
7 [3 _( |/ e; a% G# H$ r/ dHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
. i% Z" B- Z: xLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
& A" J) @7 V3 _( b( z9 \+ U! y话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。: E) I; \- t* k# M5 Z
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
4 @9 I& y6 s- A* d! tWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
! W3 E/ |, c3 T/ t+ kHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
. ]+ ~' I7 C' }Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?: n2 g7 ~- {4 `
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
" P# ?! O7 d: s* J( a" X1 D$ wHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）8 U' i* T6 K3 [
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）! X  l8 ^  ?( Q# b
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）" n+ a6 r, S- J8 _5 |
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
) n2 X& d4 D- T0 mMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
3 S+ T: |: n  k7 d# s' l' p（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）& I" g7 s1 ]/ ]
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……