《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
! H$ z* P! ~1 k( c3 Z( e' z* iWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
3 _. h: m% o- }. k! l8 iHolmes: I just picked it up.
. ?/ A- O/ e1 N3 @0 G/ [" EWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）. B7 i( }- M5 l3 M/ D8 p
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
+ ~$ l' v/ e% }; C) TWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
+ B0 p; [. Q: k4 K7 J# T, Y0 x! cHolmes: You did.
3 ?2 s. ~* P# r) C（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
5 E/ z- [4 b$ Q7 x! W' dHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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$ [; z+ x1 _8 ~3 N3 l& d2 |& z+ u宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。1 [6 {+ X' f: O  s  t
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.0 v! i7 U$ w; m1 O  ?2 h% f  S! d
Holmes: Granted.
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" X4 D7 e4 B8 m) T: z- C: r晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。6 A( \. z4 A- z! n% H2 L: Y
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）1 u+ L. F9 I- Q  z7 c$ \
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4 b; ^& d% m: @拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。8 m% D6 C4 h9 N$ |3 \+ ~' y
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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, _5 J/ N6 W  _# U' t# YHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。  Z) }6 u1 S, l; T" h  s
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
5 p  D$ ]# k& x: g2 n0 w（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）3 j2 ^( S2 i& @3 X8 w4 n6 b0 o
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
( q. O) [( N$ ]Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）2 s. C2 |0 k! l/ {( a
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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4 t+ p8 `  \  q# R" m7 p2 G+ F# DIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。+ L/ m( B& g  Y; ]* p7 C
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
& D. \2 u* G" pWatson: Get that out of my face.
% b" t3 ?) C2 SHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.' Y* d: g. P  l/ M7 y' K6 g8 D0 b
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
7 G7 X" b3 ~" J3 L8 ~路人警官Clarky上场。6 E$ n, K, ~  S3 n1 B' \7 F0 G9 i
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once./ y1 c/ P% b$ C8 `4 z
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
  R5 b7 `. M  ?% K, ?得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。) r) E* Z) F' o0 E
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?1 b2 z6 n3 b: Y$ J, T
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.3 M7 `7 X( K$ S3 \0 Q; S$ }
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$ ]- o2 q+ s& _) N: Q墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
% s( ]/ Z- G8 W（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
$ t4 D/ Y' y* m# H% X4 v# gHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.6 h" f2 f; B- O$ B/ y* l7 M
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。9 ~3 G7 G+ v8 B- F) a3 M8 Z1 M# m+ i5 `
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
, O5 k3 C" N' s, a. o" qBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
( U9 B, y6 `7 t6 |Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
8 j& i1 M9 x# _$ q; ]! j! w- j死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
& v( m  d$ Z  @5 d/ fHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
8 c0 t/ B1 {  d% T后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
  r; C: r# H2 G8 e% a; k, `! `$ YHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。% f% y5 z. O; B( i$ I1 J% M
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
& [2 f' n/ t* w1 e' p4 V话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
) b5 n( i1 N: Z& o2 s* ^2 iHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
* W! f/ a- N& l' pWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
$ u& Y! N/ b9 Q( ?; FHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
9 g, f" ^) y* L" _  [Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?! c8 Q( g+ w+ Z- @; h3 k9 _
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）8 g! H) e4 P* o% k3 m
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）! V6 s; i, _  ~' R) |2 z+ w' |
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
% b" |6 T/ z" H8 bHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
- F7 q( k. a0 W  Z0 @, gWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）* M% p; N  [8 W0 l
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）4 U$ Z' `) f) X! G; z4 z8 d
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）1 M& A3 y" j2 t7 d- {& _2 \8 r' A
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+ ?8 x, c" S+ E: Q; f6 c总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……