《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
' X1 P1 ~/ \- i5 ]; a***********4 ?+ ~  z8 g0 y1 W* h% e7 R, L1 K
1．) x3 E# w3 X0 G7 ^* X) t
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。; l' C/ _7 d5 g1 b0 V$ z; ~* A
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）7 m, l3 a, i' }' ]) F
Holmes: I just picked it up.
# S7 o7 V1 x* u( {- sWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）1 f5 h2 C% ^7 h: m4 R$ F
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.# O7 ?; Q+ U' x6 B- B
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）" M! P6 ?- W: A2 F  |3 i) T- f& J
Holmes: You did.: C0 u. a& q1 }& N0 q4 A
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）9 `0 C2 E6 r+ A3 u
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
& g: Y; `8 l# M$ D2．" X. _4 k& k* x4 u/ O' q7 K* E6 U
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。8 `( q7 |. Q2 [
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
0 a2 ]: C6 i4 e/ u, R9 x2 PHolmes: Granted.  T) ?  g, z1 N* a7 C7 F
3.  ~1 n' r& d4 K7 @3 w% H% [
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
0 F% H4 J' p5 X! f- ?$ g$ g; `8 lWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
3 D7 F  s+ u6 `% m. p4 f# Y( A, L4．
1 T! R/ T& _+ x7 h8 x6 `, j* l7 g" \拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
9 j- X' Q& \7 @9 y, z1 L5．
+ u  n' {( F( X) z+ _8 f# L0 [% pWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
  l" M1 e6 F8 L" i. e7 `  S0 [( p1 tWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）( A6 R0 S3 [/ X. H8 i
6．
3 u' I5 K! O8 ]9 j3 fHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
8 J, i6 ^: u0 T7 f2 M# n! @7．$ b' t# G9 I7 x( h+ r5 m
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
+ Z! f0 u. U' m0 G" i* _" @4 F! h" w9 }. Q8．; b" C* }* x# v/ Z
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
, Y, P' Y% |. n$ m  P% m. t（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
- \/ I- \6 e- k$ x8 ~/ sIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?' Z- R7 O& _% M, r* O' |/ J1 x
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
2 B' m7 u! j" T6 l, h; eIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
$ r6 e- r1 Z# S. o  k9．7 v  V% l. ?6 \8 S# b9 U6 P" U; `6 ~1 B
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。3 u9 x4 g/ E+ H* k+ Z' ~8 u
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
2 ^! G) L8 `: Z$ c# g8 M3 u! GWatson: Get that out of my face.- D% N9 h" H4 C! x: R1 P! h
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
& b  b- A; |; J+ \, qWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
: T$ K& J( p" B$ W" g路人警官Clarky上场。0 F: _& h4 P3 ]. w- R/ L
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.+ p* D" I: U8 j0 I6 }. R! a
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
, n) w/ M0 @% m' T得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
$ G& Y2 S2 O( q8 q/ AWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?/ d, m( z9 c1 [
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
. P  m* V! j& \0 [) \10.8 h3 r4 g! E9 N; N7 q" ?- y) G
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。( [5 m8 J# o. Z; q9 u' G
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）; U/ u9 w' o& w+ y2 w
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely., N; \/ U" z! k1 R" z9 G8 g
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
. j; m8 Y% N6 a2 i4 \+ g# w11．
/ B% h3 s* C4 o2 D7 _河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
; A) r- M9 F8 p/ D2 o0 S" A# _# JHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）5 n, E' H& x& b& X% n
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…3 m6 t; j+ p$ G
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
; P( r2 j3 U6 ~2 A- n3 h死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
( T  n; s' D' \2 xHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）( i' z0 `# ?  {
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
: `* ?8 z5 `! w. K/ v6 Z- f, KHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
2 ~- P" f, r: y, I& Z12．' t$ d: d/ o# x4 @* ?( R& Z& I, N" u
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
% P7 N' ?$ ?3 w0 s0 \* T& a, `Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
- D. E* |9 c5 R13.# J  x8 g3 ]5 _
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。0 E$ o. \/ C! n8 H% S' d3 ~' Q
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。! i* q6 {6 W3 X* b' A- |+ ]5 u
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
$ `3 \/ Y6 F! O; J" O7 ^/ HWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
( q6 L/ V0 E- y+ ~9 S4 [Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
( s4 _3 L( v8 k. i; F7 K, mMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?( F4 D$ F, o2 h
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
1 ?/ N0 M/ c; @5 @# A" ^Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
0 M: U2 {" E: p6 C( hWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
8 S# O2 r# D( }( }! D7 @Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
' h( u% b7 o0 ?) |) YWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
4 {. {$ w# L* u* iMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
% E% Y; w9 ^0 }) g0 g! c- Y) C: _4 @8 P（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）5 m3 |) c8 [% H+ m0 U+ n' V5 [  D
***********
2 T. ?4 m5 A5 h3 f总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……