《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。4 y2 [7 E$ Z% M/ I+ C; a1 n
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
3 F) S, G% ^0 QWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
4 r# v' L- E; {  _6 D( h* FHolmes: I just picked it up.4 M8 P: i) n0 H
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
- ^. ^, o# ^" {Holmes: Knew I forgot something.7 [- h( a0 w7 a
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）3 B, a5 `+ |3 t4 U9 m
Holmes: You did.) g: _5 I, _* U+ [# u$ Q* ?
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
; }9 Y' o8 }8 UHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
) M4 E8 z; x# }3 s6 ^Watson: Permission to enter the armory.. \. {/ P$ x  [
Holmes: Granted.
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" j. z# v2 Y) A- T8 n9 y晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。! K$ R; a6 b0 D+ v+ Z3 B
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）$ s, p$ r' r; b8 q) E3 @4 B
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6 t0 W/ J6 N1 C. {1 |6 ^拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。% g) p2 y/ z0 o
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
# J: A% R: j% V7 S3 XWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）$ i) t: }5 i8 n. u9 U6 y
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。  K5 ?; r/ ?. b. A8 A9 [
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2 r( b% s  ~( S9 sIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
* n% P6 Z& J4 z7 Q+ i. Q) J8 o+ r（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
! v! u5 N* j! c! KIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
; `# g2 @7 K, yHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
% X6 y/ k* g' ]7 GIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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: }* L$ {$ s; \; k1 ^( ?! Q" RIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。+ y  f$ V9 K: _6 B' \" S. ^
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）# [, J3 n% [& m( g9 I. P0 p! }
Watson: Get that out of my face.
- t7 v( c9 v8 k1 ^/ Y( |Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
0 ?' r9 I; l- @3 i0 JWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.1 n& z% @3 u6 r! D& }9 ?  t
路人警官Clarky上场。4 \% m! O  w8 o# S# M! W2 @% N* B
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.; ]! E: z& m# Q% Y$ M8 r
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）2 I' u* U6 h4 I4 @# m6 `
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。; n8 ^& f+ M  F; x9 D
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?+ b2 p8 ~+ F, e7 Q; `8 t- ]
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.+ f1 m* a$ V, b: y
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4 N8 n0 Z  b1 M墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
: V: {* X6 ?3 l$ I（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
8 k2 k& v# B' A) MHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.  K, A7 u2 S7 p3 N+ P2 l
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。! I  N' U9 ?- U# v7 D3 I6 G
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）7 H6 _2 @% h2 Y& w
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…" z7 B- w" ~6 C2 n) H! n7 d
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）* A1 h# W% I1 d$ T# ~2 g9 ?
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。! C7 Y, a! U: Q% `! i
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
( E! ^6 Q- B9 [' ?: ]后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。: S  T/ g4 d, q
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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( K8 g: K+ ~2 h7 _* A- ?警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
0 e& e1 a  C. k9 s2 ]5 b: R4 zLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
; i" q2 m* @: M% M& F- }  |, A# Y话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
  G9 ]$ c2 W% g% y/ m1 W& gHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）, V$ E4 m; I# T! v: ~9 H
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）* k0 B- T! V) z7 ]7 R" B- ?
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）# e( H/ ]5 s8 l0 j4 D" K  f
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
: a  E, M3 W5 s" s& l) f4 v6 jWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
' x2 z- E  I- x9 O4 `Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
' S& f: _0 T' q7 O+ [Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
- K- r2 L9 u8 z+ Z& p- @" H( yHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
4 j0 f- V9 P) q; I& bWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
: _9 g9 |) p; F6 X: u( YMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
: N4 J; u$ Y9 i/ T% I（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）! e  Q" F  t. F  ~  B- @
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* }1 |, z7 w4 ~2 V' h  W+ Z5 r9 F6 _总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……