《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
. i# K, z: H, ?6 oWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
4 O  W/ _" `  Y: X6 }8 o9 AHolmes: I just picked it up.
) s: O/ r: S# b6 Q1 E& YWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
0 M  p2 Y8 \$ p9 x9 YHolmes: Knew I forgot something., Y) S% k  r  d/ P: n/ g5 q( d0 D! _
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
' E4 z  f6 n1 S; x9 }2 ?Holmes: You did.
  {, j; S/ Q" O$ f( B/ G（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
7 z! J$ ]% ^$ W% I- F# A( FHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
! ]; p$ `& R% t4 G& p$ @Watson: Permission to enter the armory.( W( O8 Q7 @/ @9 _7 p1 \* Z) B
Holmes: Granted.$ z1 U! u# m4 K2 `! R; ~: T
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, _( b. J, R2 m5 ^& n7 O' x晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
0 f# C' C$ b0 t1 J( Z9 G5 _+ @Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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9 H6 b; o: X4 \- _: V0 f拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。9 ]# V5 {& A: \8 [
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。0 U6 a$ E- ~4 H3 b* C% s2 q1 p
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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. h5 f/ ~* e' c5 UHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。. y( J3 N! I9 L
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0 ?" j8 c  d8 h0 _1 kBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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- C5 M. U0 B4 `Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。4 C5 T  q& b+ w9 A$ m- v
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
- r3 l9 r9 ~" F" @" K/ Y/ x- CIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
  D/ y. Y) m/ c0 w+ zHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）# i% y9 Z$ f9 O; f# s
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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/ h; Z: w* k8 H: i0 G5 CIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。+ ]7 o0 k6 Y6 S0 R  c; \) G
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）& U; o8 I0 f9 O+ l
Watson: Get that out of my face.
% U5 }  a' o4 t5 Y, v8 BHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
# u" n9 L% y7 B* u1 DWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
( @! `' P' Y) V3 _路人警官Clarky上场。
0 L$ T$ t+ Q. R$ N8 |7 T3 UClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.- c; g& k& |& X5 v5 D
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）2 Q) f7 q. a0 ~, ]8 D9 ]" p
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。' \) S  j5 F) c* n
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
) {- Q2 G) o) w: b! g7 D# sHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.. z7 ^  D" j4 e) _6 M
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
9 x7 d0 \- v  D' m% W$ W, V（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）) s  Z" V, |; I5 G
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.4 J" a$ Y- K7 C
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）  h& f) E  A5 v9 y  q- @' L
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* n' o  F$ t) T7 t; ~3 _河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。5 t; b0 Y" h( l" ~: f6 I
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
( c. O; t9 t* N" g; A1 fBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
! ~* Z4 w) m0 ]! jWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）3 f) w: H' F, d# f# u
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。* |0 b) I  q' C8 i
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）  I5 i; B5 N1 u6 g' o
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。( D( G& R' B3 q9 ]7 m( U9 a
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）- T. R9 K) |$ n9 p8 h: k
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; U+ q( u9 h; b警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。9 ]6 \& w# d7 ?+ W+ R, b; P, T
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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8 R# N# e3 Y$ y! h接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
5 S2 E5 L; Z% M- U# y话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
) c& L  L- `+ z6 o+ E1 R& A; DHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）( B- c( I% Y7 ~1 q+ w& K* k1 i9 f
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
, `: [* y4 ?6 @1 I( _& T5 a. iHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
% `% G! ?- Z/ E5 ~Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?' D  A4 Z9 X* I1 ]2 H
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）8 N) m2 f! d* O. z; o% C  p
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
* a  u8 V8 i( l) n9 |. p' OWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）8 a+ e. p/ z+ |2 V% _
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
3 r3 d* s: n5 ?; h7 H9 UWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）6 ?& [- \+ v5 H4 B
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）+ l" d! \3 O4 _6 t. y% h( Q% A
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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0 Q' k1 [; n5 V8 n2 y6 q+ }总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……