《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。9 ^' r6 N( q) j9 q8 v
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3 o, e" H% t' }/ s4 Y" {* d7 @影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。  n- v( f+ a1 T0 U
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
0 U2 v4 {, r+ t- Q8 O; a5 gHolmes: I just picked it up.
9 b/ n# ?; D& D; FWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
1 d3 D8 h1 |" S+ THolmes: Knew I forgot something.
! G- y9 C( s* v, @$ hWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）' {* v, f+ ^; u3 l1 W7 a
Holmes: You did.
. O, t- \) d- A" H# X7 L（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
0 l6 `& ]: q% PHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.% K) X% e8 O' k/ F& L
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1 W; {2 K5 {' f9 s3 d宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。6 {& W# Z5 V7 T+ {8 p! X
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.0 m" k. J! \7 \
Holmes: Granted.
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% \- ~+ |# v( |- n  j! z6 j5 V8 J晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。/ S# [( z% D" c! p% W
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）+ c/ B: S2 g3 Q5 ~1 u
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。# g  P' n! M6 N. V4 Y* `
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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* }$ m5 I  n! n, c7 ]Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。% b; y' g3 y$ ?: `9 g
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' R: `  \) F2 ?Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。3 h( i2 A7 M, K! C0 r+ \( D  s
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; T; j: J6 w1 e4 LIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。% G3 x! P0 t) e( t; t
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
* _3 T* B5 @$ h; m3 w0 B/ TIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
3 y2 c3 R! L9 q' _* G1 `Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）( K! @' P3 D1 {( d2 p7 u+ K$ C
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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# b8 F& b( L7 _6 o4 u. g9 H  fIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。2 }9 Y+ k. _) Y2 U
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
9 n+ G  W3 R: A) QWatson: Get that out of my face.
$ }/ M# j) X# T2 [Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
# z0 g: u5 J0 w8 o: C$ A; p, GWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
. x8 U5 R% ^/ d1 P# g" B7 c# k路人警官Clarky上场。7 C$ c3 m# ^9 U( j/ w
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
0 o4 h6 H, q, U# V, Q% wHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
2 M" b: N3 j3 {& g$ G得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
& n$ {( Q# ]9 |- f+ R( H9 i5 v8 EWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
, ^9 `! \* v6 Z4 T- N, ^Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not." Z# L& `/ O7 T  `8 m% M+ D7 H
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( ^% n8 {3 P8 x; _7 v0 |/ [* P墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。& `* w& Q' Q* W
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）4 v7 Q( n& m. {. C( F
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
  u) w9 z, s" a* S0 [Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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0 B8 X- |" m% @( A0 r$ z  K河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
5 I' B0 V& b2 aHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）4 T' |; g% f# j& S
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
, m) H6 K9 D% g& l' @8 AWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）' P! v0 _6 m( F. b8 [1 u
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。, M5 E3 {8 P% r/ |2 `! e; p$ k
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
# K3 j" O/ _. G! i( G" @后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
$ f6 B- Y0 y4 h& ~, }8 PHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）2 h, l( d% X5 Q% s; D
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。1 u; s3 F: H$ [/ c# h
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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7 J5 O) U  S/ n/ i接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
, [4 w; ~  ^' y, C话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。, ]7 v, t, l) W: v4 j
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
, @% K; g( T) U* \% w  ^Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）" T$ {/ I$ `+ _. @5 `5 J  T8 Q* A
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
) V! V" a# ?  TMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
$ |& {  ]. H* q- f# E% xWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
( [( f7 i% `/ h( F+ A& K! _( WHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
: {' N: r) s4 j% n8 hWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）" F: c! ]8 }+ ?! D/ J; C
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）( a' Q1 _9 E2 H4 T
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
" x2 B7 [4 H: W! i% @6 u+ M+ uMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
8 T! n4 I+ ?2 I, j0 p（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
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4 ]- X9 `' {/ I总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……