《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。( [7 ~1 ?, |) J& l* r; y  I
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。& _4 w7 t9 V; |/ A* i
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
. s# _4 Z; p) C6 j# VHolmes: I just picked it up.) u! |+ E$ s) B2 o
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
$ B0 s. x3 a) U3 @Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
2 I' [5 [$ @2 f3 a8 W" z; ]Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
2 c! o1 e3 J& q% N$ `: K7 u# WHolmes: You did." ]3 g6 T! Y; A! z* i" f
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）" H& j4 S1 w: H, P* M
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.9 L0 p+ Z; f0 z# Q4 W6 e& I
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
. i% l7 E! o/ C! R, oWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
2 z9 N: S/ k" i# k9 nHolmes: Granted.9 a! H! m7 ]% V% T/ h! n
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$ m3 Q% M- c+ K9 L" G5 r晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
6 G& {* A. ^; X# ^" UWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。. @  X' }: i# V8 z0 ]2 |
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Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
. C& D* @6 K/ ]$ ]0 ^" ~Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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) Y3 y/ f+ \8 f- |Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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0 R4 ?2 y" f# MBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。0 A- M2 E& g! ^( ^7 ~7 B7 ]$ b
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( I# G0 o8 j, f( X% KIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。/ H9 _" _0 }+ k7 v: h% [
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）6 P6 o9 ~  |' c  w
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?* c. F7 h! {; |9 X7 Y; d
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
" B. N; o4 K" `% oIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.2 S5 N1 E, Y4 }- T" f  q4 `
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4 ]. Z, r# o8 z$ }Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。* h8 E& h  b( j) B( V! V8 j
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
" \/ s& T# {6 h; H1 v# ^- S  I, {: dWatson: Get that out of my face.
1 T) J) w- Z; hHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.9 j$ ~% U4 K: z- i. O
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.- X; y0 {3 f3 L1 i% G$ p5 @
路人警官Clarky上场。
3 e9 [7 A. h  g$ n2 @4 ]Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once." O( [8 j( V2 \9 p2 U  |
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）0 ^5 t" v( k4 p8 C! y0 `
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
; X+ L; s7 e1 H6 X. O$ J$ Q! x& d- HWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
1 N- J3 q0 h+ ]Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.5 c% L* [1 o  s
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。2 w& z: ?! }, H$ j
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
7 _: f+ }* W. h. Y4 V( O; Y! V3 _Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.1 f; x! G# O& x9 ~; m1 n7 B
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）1 K% [2 s! D" I2 x2 V
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
) s* J- A6 U5 d+ o- Q6 wHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
( S& r: J! W9 L+ XBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…; y7 p3 [' J* D/ L
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
% m. D& Q4 _$ i  ?死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
, C& j+ T( O4 d# O4 ^Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）: e& ]% s7 u1 ^8 q$ q( _
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
+ K( c$ ~' g7 q4 e2 x( ~Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）' F+ m9 |1 e+ H" m
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
' H" `2 H* P" Y: w% tLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.! Q$ C$ |  m0 F8 F( m8 S
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- J+ i4 U' e7 A8 S4 }接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
& p) H; }+ c: j  U" ^话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。  i. n$ W! f# |( M. {$ _
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）0 `& x. f, G/ F/ T8 Q
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）* b4 ^1 Y* B' {; V# n0 d
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）* ?; H$ P* n, @
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
( i5 n$ i1 o: ~# g& s# i  ~" [Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）1 M- ^* T( \6 g% `0 s  |+ B
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
  I# D3 Z$ w1 _5 x! D4 VWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
7 ^" ]# e0 F# x; R; I4 t4 B+ mHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
7 i( f0 G) n! E/ J/ r/ hWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
7 J5 F+ S) x3 tMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
2 h+ R( M6 S1 N4 Y- t- [# ]4 n4 i' {（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）6 A( z& q  I1 r
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: w4 R! p- c( V: [! g0 I' u总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……