《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
$ i* A7 t, z& ?5 S************ K6 M' \! m9 I4 B/ A
1．5 q) ]- o  b+ i
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。+ U- F8 d0 M) h+ G% O
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
$ Q) Q* g8 _% Y4 r* b0 J! x/ [0 ^  yHolmes: I just picked it up.
2 Y  x* f" j2 x: m; I5 s; zWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）5 f0 m: R& s0 X' @# O' |* A& I  x. p
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.; q8 H7 O2 Y6 q! C  J6 n5 Q
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
) z8 Q! a# }& ?# G  RHolmes: You did.
; H* D4 P/ v! I0 r（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）- l2 c  g1 c' i& r4 g5 T
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
9 f) b( j& ?; o$ c2．
$ K1 \3 f: L1 c* Y/ B/ {; U, I宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。- I! C1 R! T8 f( F8 N
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
8 |4 S* y6 S* ?# q1 kHolmes: Granted.5 C8 f  o5 x6 U6 w4 f
3.1 _/ v# Q" m% h4 ?6 ], d4 s* o2 x8 F
晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
+ F1 t: S9 u) G: l$ `! `2 ^Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）" [- \5 J" V1 u) @3 s" T" A: r
4．
: a9 i/ I# `* ?5 D( v' z# G拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。' X, q4 Z0 k+ ?% Q5 i
5．( W/ |) }% Q- G' _" L
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。' N3 W; B; K% Q! p
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
. a6 B+ h7 |) \, {# S" p6．
: X, e/ J, ]' J8 _% [: [Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
# j' l) ?. D8 q  U6 _  o; h6 r7．& {0 I' p* Y# I8 c0 T9 J
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
+ m+ W5 {5 X4 r, s& Q8．
' z9 W! S. Q* M, v2 `$ W: I  {Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。8 E) y0 F( K& {; a0 P
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
/ F+ F: R' h- ]( G$ lIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?7 A) Q' |9 S7 }
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
7 N9 \5 j: ^& }; r) FIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.' B- T4 {3 s$ K: p5 S' @5 M
9．4 H* j- y* P4 o, s5 i
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。( j! G% H: v* {$ \4 f, Y6 J! a& F
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）4 K) m9 o3 ]  O7 m0 ^& I5 I) y
Watson: Get that out of my face., Y) `; w2 m& Y; C
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.! v: I) z0 m+ X+ j  g
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face./ n# Q$ `- k* a& l% y6 v
路人警官Clarky上场。& x8 t% c/ }- v% _
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
1 G4 ]7 k( c- D9 ~# F8 H( g- m$ @. jHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）; D% J" D& ]5 f% {( ^, Q* n% Z. q. L
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。9 m& ^) Z3 m0 _4 b( I
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
* G+ H$ s6 h1 ^: u& V! e' |% Q8 cHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.* T* Z8 j  I: U( d
10.; k- x) u5 Y  C3 M6 b: A% a7 z
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。7 W, e4 Z  \5 e! K( ^+ K; V. b
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）# r6 G# K/ D3 V6 w- R5 E
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
: x& o: B: b1 ]. b/ NWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
  U2 w/ P4 f0 ^, q11．; \  ?2 ^- p( u! U' J4 U- @4 x! M
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。8 b" f5 T  {( O" u
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
9 N6 M8 u$ g+ \) D, X; `. dBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…# y5 I7 Q* e0 z; w$ {( a% T
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
2 O3 |4 @% }  g) b% P/ ?8 F死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
/ \: D! O1 f0 H! l  {Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）. Y( x0 ^3 G4 J3 ?
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。4 c  P  p6 v$ z; w
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
3 [4 l) n8 R2 [9 s. w6 U12．
! i$ y0 V  q' z2 n) y# N警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
. a6 l1 Z# D$ hLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
* E2 O$ }- h% T( g. U5 x% O13.3 {7 f* k  ?) _1 c( V) e" }
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。. m- }/ X. X1 _* E( |. Y" d
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
+ H; [5 L. i( o  \Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
: J/ t2 M2 q  ?! x$ O1 VWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
5 L- m/ o/ I$ uHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
0 `: N1 q( [' SMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?: c# y8 o4 O- ?$ r  c& z
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）( q6 [) r& Q: T% `" F8 }+ P- L
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）4 T4 @1 P8 }% J& W5 a% ~4 Y
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）" d& h6 A7 z. G3 O
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
* X( P; j. }/ X* vWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
- i; P. J& L' I1 N+ ~: E( F- k( E/ v9 _Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
: O1 r3 V% G; O" D3 T（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）) S7 A# W( p" ^: Y0 }, G. A) w1 C
***********  n" Q; ~8 d* D: D
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……