《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。1 |/ V- E0 ^4 [# y" s
***********
( j5 O- [  [# P$ w' M7 E1．
8 ~  M, `  u/ v% W  c; ]影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
, H* n; Y% d& N: B& [! NWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）( |+ T8 C8 y4 x2 Q
Holmes: I just picked it up.
7 |% A0 S9 r, b) O5 U7 a- q$ FWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）* B+ s' [4 E: e+ V: s6 M
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
: [" q8 j& C+ @7 O. |Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
5 P+ M2 X- m6 s% O. Z2 |Holmes: You did.
# H/ s3 `3 K. K* v（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）6 V0 b* `- C6 L- i) a4 D& m
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
7 ^9 M9 j- K3 t6 ^$ c  f$ \  e2．
4 `8 u9 l/ c. F2 g; n# y宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。( x' R# ~* J  v9 O9 C! b
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
0 I2 }! n; k3 h. r# a" hHolmes: Granted.
+ {: i& X- z4 {% S  m3.
$ w6 g! d! P0 g+ {. Z晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。% ~/ s1 E4 k: o' B+ ]
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）) c5 f+ @8 a0 @4 ~& r4 T
4．
8 P# P" C( O) d2 `拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。" F# Y& ]0 i4 @
5．( s: q  A3 G0 {1 _& `2 S+ r
Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。( q* @' X/ D6 X. X8 ]- r
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）  O7 V0 r* }; ]; N* S$ Z9 e8 g( h
6．: i+ ^, |: E, |
Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。4 H) y: o$ q+ r5 l# Y
7．! ~& k1 o3 W* j! C6 _& Z
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
9 C3 {% D( ?) [5 m7 k  e$ y! F8．
: q( }) H, y! }5 g$ b+ _( QIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。3 N7 J& m2 r, y+ T
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
& c9 W3 Q+ o- r: _* p6 q1 g9 g" VIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
+ Z; k' e- H0 [9 c7 ]Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）: N& ]3 N' e3 ]! v& b
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
, X! j6 K4 ?% @/ ^' ~! x; Z7 F9．9 a) C) s- H9 U3 D0 B
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
, s8 o+ S  y( yHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
9 S  E. i5 k1 Y  a7 z" C3 }, Y# {8 fWatson: Get that out of my face.: M/ Z1 ?. T( a, H  _9 O( {7 A2 ^
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.4 F" P! r2 V7 E' X7 d% k- b
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
1 T1 `1 `* F4 |) X: ?  O路人警官Clarky上场。% {  q6 ?, G2 v9 {8 f1 ^
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
' T! B. u# _8 D/ [* [Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
4 a6 I7 u( D: h1 z/ g" h得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。0 _, X+ w' a9 R- o# g0 o
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?  ?3 r# h4 _$ O0 Z
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
" p3 v; T2 n) Q10.0 i; e+ ~8 j# V# R9 I& A+ P9 @
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。; a5 ^! a& S* {& p5 @" s/ E
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）7 Z/ c, ^2 z0 l' n% }* L( [# `0 S. R/ ^
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
, v7 z0 R0 N; \; V) z# U1 s8 t! qWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）' n) }) a8 V( {' E5 c0 x/ x& T9 ?
11．
6 L1 \) p" F! a: `2 [  Z. }河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
  ?% M% v5 G3 E- AHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
0 w* J: a& `3 k0 wBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…& s/ A7 G! T! y9 c7 i0 w
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
! Q: Z7 u, r6 R0 D* p8 Z死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。# l3 M: a% J% B! a' a1 m/ O+ g% }
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
4 i; k9 V- h2 B0 t5 r) {9 v, x6 F后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
1 K' b$ s. [* ^! H3 R7 O" zHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）3 a7 a) Q1 }) j( _: p9 n6 t
12．& x) n' t# \9 C! }1 o+ `, a
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
9 _' @, D3 W  e' N& w- L5 WLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.1 K; M/ [* }9 Z3 u: n' |
13.* u/ S, M5 P0 K( W0 f
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。9 ]3 A# P* u) t9 Y
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。9 E+ ?% R7 y; h: @. [
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
/ c9 E) G' c+ t' I5 g( n" Y' sWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
9 ^+ d- h9 `7 K0 fHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）4 F' v* j6 v& A/ `( y  L
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?/ V6 M; C2 f* {7 u# F  E
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）) j# d( F' I# f- y0 t" l% w
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
, o* |) p& ?1 @. Q' P: B4 rWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
. ~  |9 R. B7 @  HHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
, b) V& t0 ^1 x- WWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
  a1 ?. }9 O% s1 L9 u: wMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）4 F+ U  q, Q( Q
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）* I+ E$ Z; h# z' o- O
***********
4 t. q* k* c. g( H7 T) ]总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……