《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。5 C: n3 T( m- p8 S* }  U0 B
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。* |  H! B% j1 p3 Z
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）& }6 _# ^- V5 B
Holmes: I just picked it up.# p1 u0 M: s- _% p' D0 r; C9 z
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
# l* _' R& e, Z7 @Holmes: Knew I forgot something.7 d, I4 v* R9 s3 k6 U
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）+ x6 o  c( T* y4 L. V
Holmes: You did.# r& F, E. v, C7 l% |: ?% Y
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）! ^/ K' L  r* X5 P# h; a5 ]+ t# M( f& I  b
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。7 o  r2 j) }3 @
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.3 Q( {% n; Z9 x: K0 }! j
Holmes: Granted." s  `! w  O7 W- W1 R! I
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
/ u0 i  Y2 z# O1 TWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）3 Z5 f4 ?3 W9 i; s" c
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) ?7 s# K( A6 G- [  M% N拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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$ K* a+ m2 L. Z- w8 @( GWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。3 N$ d8 F5 B  E& R, m+ g
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）: L: Y# m6 m% r1 G
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' p  F+ U, Y$ {" o( K$ ~2 MHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。" {6 c+ `, B8 ^6 C, P. s0 w; @
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4 E3 b0 k3 F5 T0 @: g+ M) sBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
6 z  g) ]- W/ }8 a. j7 ]（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
/ L6 X! J5 |- H- n& I3 k; a( AIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
* N1 q: g! N5 N  \Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）8 |0 @% t6 z! U# S' e; v) w
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.$ i# i+ g# a4 U5 S  E
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。6 ~+ g+ h" b, \  j* T; K
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）$ w: T5 G8 a( P3 L7 x' J4 ?
Watson: Get that out of my face.
, d3 {; N" e2 C; ^/ I' i9 OHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
5 S* A& m' I% G3 aWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.( p. s' I* m2 c! \
路人警官Clarky上场。
3 d( i1 @6 l0 G* k" C* z5 g+ z* aClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.# N# M# k; e- m/ l# n, Q/ f
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）) T) E# {. M* S: C% D  s
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。% P8 Z( {7 M4 J$ D$ Q4 n
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
$ p3 m1 x; w% Z7 A8 NHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.3 T- ^2 a1 C; j
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。# U1 _* U/ o$ i2 d
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）6 N0 H6 B) E. u; n4 f' d
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
' ^  h% e9 S8 uWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
: `% B: C; ]6 I( i" mHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）/ p7 U; G8 p4 n
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…, H' F" X& E$ w" y2 U
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
2 S9 A% I4 b9 H9 f, q死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
! X9 x1 P+ J1 L$ _7 i; \3 ?Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
8 L( E8 X4 _5 c' Z+ L后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。& b% l" r; U$ C/ N5 V- @& P' u( s" o
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
/ N1 Q- i+ |5 e( x+ H  LLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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( H0 Z5 h3 a  r4 N; _3 r接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
# _* `9 m: h9 p2 C话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。( T7 ?6 B( n6 V$ D" Y$ c
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
% ?  K( C6 a9 S) TWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）* o: E6 p9 |! ~3 S
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）- j5 ^; S) `! l) [1 ~3 ?
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
( \. Z1 K( b" S! UWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）# r9 ]' S7 B5 F/ n$ }
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）2 d0 y  O8 J! b) H. T& e
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
. x$ _( m, y* |8 _4 K6 CHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
" I# z5 B9 s. i5 S+ j  V& Y+ [( TWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
+ P4 J7 y7 H9 a: F) K7 ]+ BMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）  p$ `4 k6 J2 X' k1 X; X) ?
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）, ~% B- T- j1 o9 T( B. ^+ |. D
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& d# ~. }6 N5 [4 U' n总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……