《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。1 p$ b9 \- X2 {( D4 k# u7 w1 i
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6 c/ P2 z4 @. S) y' o* P( w影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。" v- S' r/ v  j* Y& `
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）" X( |8 b; ^  T$ p& r. \8 `& m
Holmes: I just picked it up.  U- ]+ M6 P6 ~# W+ P; G, e5 a" Y
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）/ B: i, u2 Y" r" }2 U
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
) v4 N" p: G4 G/ wWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）+ \* O- h/ k( s4 \# X
Holmes: You did.4 G: S+ x8 y. j5 n# q2 B: a
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
5 b5 {8 h5 d' r9 s( |* PHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.  z7 T% E6 |( I0 o+ G( L. f
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# b& y. n0 b2 F+ q. c3 B. \宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
8 \! H/ i/ e5 U( }Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
) w7 z& K! A6 e) |1 l1 q7 RHolmes: Granted.) k; z/ k( H! j8 g
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
+ l$ ~8 B$ Z! h- v; z2 nWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）" G1 N, B& E2 `0 g4 g& W
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$ F  c+ i4 ^  u) z拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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: z" a4 i: m: I: V7 }Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
9 V* k+ V6 J/ {: v1 z5 pWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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( P6 ~% A& Y3 A/ u, bHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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" ]' o% |- E5 hIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
. z$ k0 R( `4 }2 @: L. _（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
- A+ j" y7 ]2 K& W4 xIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
3 Y8 f; h9 {+ H! V- w& NHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
# z& P  |+ \& {: p6 _* m/ O0 E$ X+ V, VIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.' d" N1 _% Y0 p% @1 L" o3 M
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。7 V1 |5 ~7 s: }4 `8 n' d# d0 o' R; {
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）0 q5 u3 i# H8 i5 [
Watson: Get that out of my face.
2 o) T8 O; \7 j3 r3 v) ^Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.4 u# H2 c/ M( Q% i: b: c
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.( w/ I  ^. m$ h5 o* p  b- ?3 |, x' i
路人警官Clarky上场。$ u. N; ^) k  O% a, r6 b
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.: t: @# ?  `4 X! H; R2 s
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
5 y1 w5 N! z/ W% ^得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。5 H+ m" v& `9 X* U0 O% H, F6 h
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
3 ~# D3 Y9 m! x6 W2 eHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.) k; t$ Z& l9 u
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
/ t$ L& a9 ?. A# R) J8 y3 W) M（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
1 M9 A9 Y" {7 x! b" GHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
- ^& i/ a* z+ WWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）% B# E) Z9 R& p, k
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
' o2 G* W2 z  X/ l4 @4 b3 }Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
/ H" c5 ?" j  B) Y1 lBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
9 O8 |2 m4 z8 R1 P) Z" iWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
4 C# o- d6 r( U( J3 ~死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
8 j( u& o  {# `. I: l0 w! @- o2 |# oHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）- j4 [% b# ~, x0 y% b; h! X
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。# T0 l) v7 S% y7 z5 A) ~0 q
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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( [) C* x% G: W4 [/ T5 }警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
( v9 k9 G' \! y5 h" g4 QLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
$ |( {4 E- @' k; F. P9 h( `话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
$ N+ g/ b0 X- k: T0 P5 rHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）6 M0 g: U; P, U* f0 j
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）6 R0 j! @3 A9 v' P
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）, p/ p# S2 L  D8 l* \
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?; f+ N3 r  `+ n4 B/ I* T
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）0 h  }$ D  ?/ t
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
0 q$ M) H! @/ Q2 b, ~. @Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）8 ~2 Q; r" G0 \4 `# I
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）1 U4 }  ~4 x4 R$ {: m
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
6 ?1 v7 w7 Z) {: D& o" z4 }Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）9 O0 O7 V; f% U9 M, q
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）# z% {/ y7 k0 ]2 g
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% R7 i6 V5 {$ p2 B+ a总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……