《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。
, d3 x+ W# g  O' R***********- N2 U: \1 U/ h3 C* Z
1．% p! L# @7 {/ f5 G# a( ?8 O. V
影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
9 }5 t& z! v/ b' hWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）8 w9 |! \0 G$ ~  a
Holmes: I just picked it up.
) B3 ^. o8 }& e& P9 iWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）8 R  _6 L5 ^9 U9 H8 k
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
1 D) r3 a* @/ O! t" pWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）3 n3 y, j1 ]$ l# a. V- o  S
Holmes: You did.$ y# b6 v5 T2 Y  m9 _9 \
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）1 X; K! J* j1 y1 V% c/ B
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all., q$ ]1 S. V( q4 \( m. f
2．3 b: _4 ]. S: N+ r! g/ M/ ~0 y
宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。* b% D5 }7 r- g
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.% M' u- @6 w9 v* }
Holmes: Granted.
& s  z1 G1 ~( c2 j3.
  A; b4 V; r( e8 R! a5 A晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
8 X; F) A7 W) @  ~# q7 HWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）7 e: j+ u1 _1 F/ _
4．) V2 x5 l' |) G5 C& C! z  u
拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
4 p6 D+ c3 P' J; U8 ^) e7 q5．
7 G" l/ J8 N8 B/ pWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。( R2 p$ _0 U/ d
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
3 ]) }  _; g) B9 x. P! D' Q7 ]7 S6．
/ r: S6 D6 D  H+ W, w8 V! zHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
9 u3 f2 {/ O% U& H" f/ X. y7．6 u2 z8 O1 @: q6 a. y# D7 `' l6 Q
Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。3 K6 y9 u/ S$ N) M* l7 X, ]7 ~4 q; n* y7 f
8．
. z7 d" W: l1 Q+ ~, t/ u- wIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
! H, ?8 b5 v! ]* g" B( [" A（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）) q( l# t1 N$ s3 y0 B
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
- a7 [; W( v$ y- d: m- RHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）  s" J' ^( Q7 q7 Q; P
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
( |# `  g! W5 S9．: }; t; d0 E' M5 K4 }) B1 k
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。7 @& i6 B# k  A" f
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）, o* l) }" e: s" \* A
Watson: Get that out of my face.7 X. Q& z$ V) L/ N/ W9 j% S
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
' d' G0 t) R9 @9 K3 d0 w2 t2 f/ S  \! ZWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.+ [( \  t" p) d( n$ h
路人警官Clarky上场。1 h9 |2 D# X$ |( e; v1 @+ B
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
9 v2 a  E* {1 ~& I# j! JHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
6 I) P& A& O' |6 l8 L& _得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。7 K* h4 J4 x) C1 L6 B) {6 q0 Y1 V3 p
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
9 i/ d7 w; [) u' s: e3 D# qHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not., C$ ?, ?, `3 m) o: M! m
10.
! f6 @$ b, d2 s( f9 J% o( F& G4 p墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
" Z" y+ ?8 u+ v* L（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）# A6 ^* V3 p( _4 `& x
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
; `/ A9 X& b: X9 w' k/ ZWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）0 j. f& F: K5 a% g5 u
11．! _7 W9 e  L  D8 x' u+ x% j
河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
# n* \. E8 t' B: ]; fHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）/ h! f0 Y7 }- W2 Y
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
/ I8 q" q! h* W' p1 GWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）' K1 v0 @9 ?& j$ U! J* c" }1 L
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
5 d2 N1 C( X3 s( I; YHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）& v" {6 g+ T% X
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
, `! C( K& J$ ^, ^- ?Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
% f: o- x  o7 E' C. g# I$ J6 M  T12．
9 Y" ^/ k) Z* J/ L& s. `8 s- H警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。8 [3 H1 |# N- h. @0 P
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
" r+ u/ Z0 i* q+ a! V) Z/ Z13.) M3 C5 l' C. d
接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
9 m5 |3 F, P/ k2 v话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。+ }( i2 F# S/ U  @( j
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）  _# U3 K+ t' T& \. q9 ^$ R. C4 J
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
! C1 s# `! l* G. ?- xHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
2 r" W  l% D  GMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?( D% Q- t7 F) _
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）& [: R) g+ z  t. t0 G
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）! a8 D) U7 f( N0 K$ n
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
# Q- S0 {6 m" ]: n: D. mHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）5 L% n9 R6 L& ]) M" R' T8 q) x) m! H" g% {
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
5 J# `. g8 n: O7 R% P0 X8 lMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
* U8 ?4 v4 w# K5 Z（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）( {% O1 e. C  ^$ f7 }$ E
***********/ {7 p/ I2 {7 E- V7 i( |7 Q
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……