《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。3 ]+ o( v3 V1 m! p; N0 y2 I
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5 \& Y) D' u. \2 K2 W- G/ }影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。, x7 @! M; w& m: b. c3 H
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
( b# S$ A3 u6 \Holmes: I just picked it up.
4 e6 \9 v" |' [$ P7 F5 h( U/ GWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）7 `% |6 k7 w. E5 B" N" f
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.8 `5 w, w- V* D3 y/ Q
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
( K$ y0 r! U4 b  xHolmes: You did.
5 P1 v9 `# Z# s2 S6 L% P* q: t（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）, E6 d5 {2 ~9 d7 q( q! f
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.4 E* w# u2 p# a% p2 d, m" J
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2 I, r  q9 q7 W! T8 @* J宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
3 Z" T: l$ {4 f8 j; NWatson: Permission to enter the armory.& M+ ~7 g7 n; h
Holmes: Granted.
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4 _; H- `4 g$ R) \0 ~( D晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。8 D6 a; H" K9 B& @# T, E
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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$ V' f* r3 r& w, y, M, B* UWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
9 I8 @5 {/ X0 P$ f/ k; BWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）3 j2 W" f5 W' S
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  m  Y" H" v8 IHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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. A- _; A$ K" SIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
+ E+ v, @' w7 q8 W5 k（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
9 y4 v0 `) s  v6 y, aIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
2 k; J9 P* h0 \' O9 A" X" MHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
4 j. x* I& c2 R' x$ p/ o9 [$ ^5 lIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。  a4 G* \" M( b8 I
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
+ m& v* d" P3 Y7 Y/ ~! ]8 O# W) rWatson: Get that out of my face.1 l0 g5 M+ P) ?' L3 x* v
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
4 }9 H! e. ^+ X8 Q+ QWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.; P: D! E% K# z3 g
路人警官Clarky上场。
- r5 e7 J: ]) H1 `$ \$ aClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
& m! a1 ]  A$ f$ q& XHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）/ t  N& E3 A1 r6 Z% d
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。' N* y. v8 A9 _0 T5 c
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
" p9 y3 i- Z' ], g$ uHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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; W3 @9 w) E8 C& [6 c0 d! J墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。0 f, v( [# m4 H8 S/ z/ q5 y# s; S
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
6 r, b8 J# X$ x6 M. M/ y! zHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
/ \& X! J8 V' IWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。9 F4 d4 R( V: p# t! @
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）  d1 V2 t" p! h& m3 h" ?
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
$ q6 x/ e, {+ V/ g& GWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
6 a" C9 g: o! ~/ q死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
  |  h+ u* q& t$ k4 O* ^$ G+ ~3 DHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
, \4 H, \3 W5 {7 \- F后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
% z/ ?) W% R' e! F# K; o. }; SHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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9 O( P4 E8 M; F) J8 p1 r8 ~1 N警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
( X4 h  c, q) o; R/ h( G4 GLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
) e" v  Q: V5 H# V0 ?( m话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
, y, r2 R# }5 t, g. GHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）  p* L* R: C* G$ {1 B
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
# Z6 M! F; Y# cHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）( O4 a' N( k# V$ q' v5 E
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
+ W; X+ F" e" G; iWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
+ q4 K3 K6 B- l2 dHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）- Z! w/ G! n& B* K* C0 \& B
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）4 P$ L5 P! X! t- g) o2 ?
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）; _* A8 L3 X3 z5 d; l: Y" ~  ^8 @
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）2 G) ~6 Z. G" `5 e$ {
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
( v* c  Y% `, L（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）2 c, T. q6 U; ]
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7 {! A5 C5 P- y# W$ \8 o( }$ C总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……