《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。! ]* l) J, r- e0 k- U
***********0 T. t' s5 h6 D' ], p2 W3 f
1．
# `# V. [1 `' w1 c" R/ F影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
" G9 U+ R5 D3 [5 A5 k3 R3 n' ]Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
7 M+ {/ }# c9 V: `Holmes: I just picked it up.+ D- w, @) D! A6 Y# I
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）% I# e$ v* C) G" y& t. K. P
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.
- L+ `& r: y3 `Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
* y9 _! m+ y2 M6 X9 Z5 SHolmes: You did.
, s7 [' ~3 `+ c* q7 D* {1 t% E（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
3 V% D# v) S. Q1 g0 Q- q0 i" RHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
* _9 H# f$ t  Z: {% P1 F9 c2．
& B& A9 n4 @' N* @1 H. l, D. d宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
1 O2 j: n& {8 o; P( P2 \Watson: Permission to enter the armory." j3 L: c5 Z9 i# B  F
Holmes: Granted.7 P* I9 E' E; m% q) ]( z5 ~
3.
6 C3 v; g3 H- N* v1 c( X+ t! Z- Y晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。- ~+ U$ o0 v0 G0 u/ g3 M/ E
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）$ H8 l7 k& \7 F2 ~# E
4．
7 ^  x- |  }, m7 @" h拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。& g+ j" f& y, q
5．
0 W6 u- N7 d- z& I7 }1 H9 [Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。- K9 y$ }" Q# h: G9 R7 U
Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）8 e. l+ i' w4 @' D/ a
6．
2 B+ a7 s: X! ^Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
! m# O+ G3 ?7 f9 b! ]- j# J$ d7．
- M/ X* b3 m( VBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
  {; G4 |5 j$ X0 `, }$ }8．& s; b! o4 v& d% @# G. S: v% X
Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
/ q. g$ ]! p1 f# @% [! f（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
( k6 ?! j7 j0 AIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?, K/ g" F3 j# B; q. l
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）5 Z# ]- X: d* |" b8 o2 z
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
8 K$ n7 N+ G4 ]' G6 |' a2 q3 p9．5 q0 T+ y4 a2 S4 M" V
Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
& A! r! Q& {' `Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
; ~* n- w8 z; |Watson: Get that out of my face.5 c; y( u* I& ]7 K2 L
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.* _8 ]7 ~& m& }8 H0 U
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.. g/ ]- [4 E0 A' R
路人警官Clarky上场。, R0 r, e) G( R. r& N8 G
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once./ u7 {/ Q/ Q2 r8 s+ V" G$ w# @
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）* r' O0 S3 y- V2 F6 g
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
3 s6 s; G; B2 V, v8 u9 K/ r. eWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?* D$ K/ g0 J- Q; `( p! X
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
; M3 C; t( ~0 z$ ]# G10.. N+ p" l% q, {7 x7 n
墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。9 E/ t6 ~7 Z- D$ r* o4 \
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）  i/ D/ s9 Z1 M* ]& G5 p
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
5 h. g' u9 c& H* S, ]- wWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
" |2 B$ J4 @( e& \8 T11．
: @" ]  R1 M: k: n* P河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。4 I2 n8 [4 F" I5 F# ]4 f
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
0 X+ N7 p$ x, U3 FBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
6 h& T3 a$ v6 _Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
+ h5 J% D& M3 N! ]. D死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。: z4 x6 v! N2 f) S
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）( I0 m! b6 H6 @3 E1 M* {
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
* C' L8 T/ y5 x. J/ \Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）) r+ k: I3 X% S0 I2 Y3 O' h1 H
12．* P9 z5 Q7 P8 ?4 Q: `' E+ M3 T- M; D, B
警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。- G; v4 V% l% m+ M
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
$ Y$ ]' m+ k" l7 X1 ?9 i6 N" c13.
1 g- T2 I9 B" e接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。9 W. n2 ?$ ~% s% a$ e
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。- v( |5 O# r( f
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
* v2 w% }) y* {0 |  a0 }Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
/ L1 k. s5 `; LHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
& X$ P  ^+ U% p2 F) b- \& F2 FMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?1 z( M4 d. s3 N) y1 b2 ?
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）+ N! o8 c7 b+ l: z; T
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）" H, B$ z, a0 S2 T
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）# M8 l; \6 a9 {% B: T2 j
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）1 [. F( _  R' x* e
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
8 U. F5 b; ?  o! u: f# wMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）* y, y/ m1 }" s' d$ z
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）
! O( ?/ T5 D7 G! {( t1 d***********' S  y2 Z3 D& V; q8 E5 K" i
总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……