《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。( A" ]) ~: i1 \  F; Y% D5 R
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% J1 C$ s# f3 C- S影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
9 M4 o6 @' K" u* G  ^9 aWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
# n5 D" I1 \, v3 l; u1 ]0 kHolmes: I just picked it up.4 ~3 P5 M6 \2 V
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
7 a8 y( O! F3 ~$ yHolmes: Knew I forgot something.  g9 e  P# @; x5 h- W( h0 K
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）% g; z* m3 n* E# l5 t* A3 s
Holmes: You did.
7 \  C- m# N  a7 ^（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）: i5 s' p( ?& p, Q7 l7 v5 X
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all., V1 e  o( J, p, A' n& v8 y
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9 p& \7 z1 ~) G/ ^# c9 q3 i8 L宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。& B. ~9 c5 a' n$ C
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
6 p! Z+ p8 f3 D% q6 t5 b/ F+ A& IHolmes: Granted., z* d5 A. S6 `
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。# U2 \( e+ I5 [
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）% J" c# R8 A0 ?" ^) t
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拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。( h+ Q6 i$ O* Y0 c" Z  R- t
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5 k; {+ M6 R1 [7 ~Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
% O6 e. x3 k' O1 mWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）( f8 D, s$ K- W; f, ]
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* I( j9 |& y: `9 A: THolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。! f- L8 U6 m" f6 O, {: F
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。6 @1 e7 H! Z) [2 D
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
" J# }0 i4 S; r0 bIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
8 G' a9 ?2 c; G- W. v5 p* GHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
( ^2 q# N/ I& A+ Q! T9 @4 c) BIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.1 T3 O( A1 K& g) g8 G9 c
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
& u* S5 O$ F9 W$ @) m5 p) t6 THolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
, V& K( P0 L: k2 T6 w3 d& _% T9 oWatson: Get that out of my face.
* O# C8 U% ^4 L  h3 i7 VHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
6 t$ ~. ]- z8 CWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.* E' h+ {0 ^1 {1 ^& V1 H$ S
路人警官Clarky上场。: `* Q( b. V6 J3 U" o/ e8 f+ L
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.  f1 f" q# k( m9 S( b
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
( M# @* m' j2 y; m8 y4 z6 H得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
1 t* S. i* t+ O' f/ f. H% OWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?9 P: L6 o* y' A8 Z' j
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.- |, e1 m4 e1 ?( ]& I
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
) W' P; P$ G3 q2 F) D（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）3 J  T7 v* c0 Z  D2 ^8 s
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely./ R% N9 @5 p4 r( A5 s
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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; w8 Z' b. u; \8 @0 K$ K; Y河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。  Y4 G7 V8 i. }( O9 U* y+ j% I
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
/ g% J4 K4 X+ |9 ]! }& w& j/ BBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…+ p  S1 B, m$ H) |8 ]  b7 g
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
  S, H1 l$ Z# R3 `. P( q死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。$ J$ Z$ E( T; X$ N1 B. ~$ r5 Q7 u
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
0 t. G# C+ @/ X7 r后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。+ D( ]0 D! Q7 n* u0 q6 {' I' b3 b
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
9 ~; Q+ e, E! t5 B- w' m9 KLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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% J. ^- D/ q* R) _' r接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。$ Z, k3 k! ]( R
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
2 C9 s  e# [6 j9 NHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
8 O4 K; E, `" M1 E) P# O# `Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
% M7 }% N  C, }+ A, ^Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）. v' j# K' {5 ~' i9 H* \
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?% w: [, E' `. L' s% U. `6 F0 g+ l
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）4 m! C% k7 U) d+ B. P4 n2 n
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）
' l/ A# U* h; ^# wWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）# N" C/ A/ H/ H5 I
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
/ g* ]2 ~+ s1 @( d5 M* FWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）) K1 ~2 E; |. K0 L) o
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）* R& u: d. G/ y) H, ]
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）* S0 v+ y% ?+ M6 g
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3 @- R5 U  F0 n* s, B6 @! Q/ |$ J& i9 l总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……