《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。% W" E& V. i/ {
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
  y: k6 V: ]4 c8 B! v8 \+ hWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
# V. ~  a. K- M* N& b- hHolmes: I just picked it up.
6 g! z5 p0 [( _# J3 zWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
( i/ Y! ~) a6 u' oHolmes: Knew I forgot something.4 \3 a: ]2 ?( f* g; G- U
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
' S; x3 c* m+ m$ g! _' [Holmes: You did.! y" }0 A. h/ `" r/ X9 F# a3 J
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
. `7 G% J' w8 L% uHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all." v. K6 ^. m: g; ]" W! E
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; {/ i" K1 V% J; x( I) f6 i宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。% x! U$ X8 v- A4 M; G! Z
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.) m: P+ h$ y, s6 Z  g; y- l5 _" m
Holmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
$ J3 j. ?  B( Z$ zWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）5 W; T4 T* M4 S$ i8 k1 I3 c% F
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5 C" _& J; _6 }  q+ _+ h拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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. A: W/ c: o/ O# p; zWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
& Y5 L+ \2 h4 P0 iWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。" d( p6 G( T) ~4 o- X, O8 F
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; f7 ^- X3 d+ E$ K- IBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。8 N5 y( N) ]0 M% U( e% R& H  r
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。& h+ ?  S9 o4 p! o' B* _
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
$ L2 U1 G* g, j/ kIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?5 u9 F3 N9 A4 x
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
# \1 C# T; C  |& d2 ^* j: VIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
( F5 T9 n' x1 \Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）, v  s% H6 q7 z4 S7 ]5 s/ S
Watson: Get that out of my face.# t  f3 D1 C1 Y1 ~  v' z
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.1 E( N& l2 [! _+ F7 _7 r
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
+ K: T) N1 p4 P) K) ?路人警官Clarky上场。
& y, U, f9 F+ K. m, ]: @Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
' ~) K  i2 t8 k0 t* H8 z8 OHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）  H1 H2 b2 |: w3 L. s5 `
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
9 c+ c: k$ W+ l! _- x: I" ]* k# AWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?& B$ A3 H( U/ K% `- H1 ^) U6 i* b
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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3 @. B7 T0 i, [8 b" p( d0 ]墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
6 L6 B6 _9 Z0 K; f' K7 i6 p（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）" M5 J4 l7 [, O) {0 n
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.. I& a0 s9 C2 b: M
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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$ P) }2 w4 w7 \8 t  I河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。9 v7 |6 p4 u. C  h  O
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）  [4 t5 S7 h' |8 T. M
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…6 k$ _, j3 F, J, ^" y
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）; g1 O/ Q$ _) }  i2 Q
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
% U. d+ S" T; @( sHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
: f- J5 Z$ H! x8 |2 H" `2 _  c! Q- k后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
. x- P, x, Z; w+ O" j& fHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
: f9 x6 x* d( t3 t2 v3 J7 iLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.& `& \% u& Y( i* G7 r7 j
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% N; h4 G. e, W* V接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
7 B  m  ~: ^4 l0 ^! w. v# @话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
  a  _6 h8 F- h& E/ bHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
3 t4 @/ l. g# d# @* EWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）$ X* Y4 Y1 B8 \! Z# q* ]
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
( Y7 U2 w' r$ ~6 OMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
" q% M8 x/ G7 x' Z8 }Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）- p2 b/ i7 [; E1 b5 g0 [
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）, E- n( K. x9 ^6 o5 r
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）1 `. n& V  \2 d% k6 e- {
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）! O2 i4 E: k' V) J! B+ C$ M
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）- j2 s) _. u3 \* M5 m; L
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）5 T3 \. o) ~0 |
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）! D: ]% v' B1 l0 M  l  H* j1 a' k
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……