《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。' s  K% `) p$ c9 [# s
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  x1 q  y8 r2 X# K9 z0 B影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。$ z% P+ g! V$ |$ y
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）0 X6 M: H2 K) E0 O; Z( _& N
Holmes: I just picked it up.4 Y" u1 f; M' _- \& o, F
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
2 v- z1 K3 R) m0 c6 w3 fHolmes: Knew I forgot something.% h. a5 i: Y  }1 J* [
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）/ @/ t2 d! n* ]( k
Holmes: You did.& n) k# P+ v: ?( R, }- x
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）
5 i: _# z+ j+ PHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
8 F4 C; h. y2 Z7 wWatson: Permission to enter the armory.8 @3 r# w8 ]* l; ]: y
Holmes: Granted.
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5 v5 M0 {( Q6 M, ], @晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。/ ~; P& u; p% J$ C
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）* P0 h% a8 v! B7 ?! j$ A4 C
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! [/ a1 t7 ~! E1 i拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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+ M) I5 ?3 ^8 \+ ?) p9 Z. @Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
& J. M& k/ X" H# t1 ZWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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$ b4 o) O, |: V7 I6 mHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。( C5 G+ b0 ^( D& `% \
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Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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/ o3 n6 N$ ]% |9 tIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
1 W0 M, D' f5 H1 m6 I  u+ v  y（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）
. d% s- @' ~/ \8 W( SIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
$ _9 g3 ?7 W& G( H& P" Y- wHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）/ j+ I+ T9 Y" s3 n; j7 ?! D- B
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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7 z& t4 ?! [% z; [5 VIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
0 v0 |0 {$ L: K" C/ eHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）+ N) G! u. C3 o) ?( c
Watson: Get that out of my face.
- K% h7 z0 a2 _" {5 BHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.
* |5 u5 X+ X$ ~" U) g: cWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.% K7 b# O- ~# \% P+ U# P8 P& l
路人警官Clarky上场。' V& j6 U4 O0 b* Y4 v- K
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
  O! G& k/ m; ^Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
5 M9 V2 R6 v8 B( F/ R得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
3 _3 k& P8 C6 }- g* XWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?/ E. X6 J; s0 T; @: z9 g' ]
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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+ t0 R( X2 z% X# W- C, F墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。3 {3 j) Q* v. F5 K+ H4 B& k
（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）3 y% O+ t/ F/ E$ ]9 f: a
Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
4 x) r1 L2 U- T5 D7 v3 N& W- _Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）( o% F! T/ j7 }# b0 u$ _
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. J; {' H- `- k河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
- F6 k' V0 y! E2 T3 W8 o% v% \Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
3 J) f8 T. R9 c. H- iBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
: h6 w( N) _% |, ~$ Y+ xWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）4 F: z, o" i. E' m, V
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
/ p6 f+ i( E* a# x& SHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）7 p( a/ d" c2 H: J
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
2 P" ?: l4 E3 h7 j$ c0 r, iHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。* J! K* p8 k8 p- Y% }$ ]( D" r
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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# _& [9 G5 A5 a$ e: K! j# m% a接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。8 Q1 c4 L- [4 O0 P
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
) m) {% l% ?6 O& q+ MHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）& U. i( {) E/ ^1 t
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）2 W  l$ ~0 C8 V+ p
Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）; b- a4 ~& q. ^/ u+ f9 U3 f  s9 Y
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
( {- d3 o0 l5 p: ~) g5 FWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）# a) s- x) t4 `- B6 T: S
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）, p& _, @" V# ^3 T
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
8 B  j& x2 R/ G6 lHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
( r1 B4 E4 G: ]2 x) o$ w- `Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）6 t& |9 g7 m  {/ @7 I! l* ^+ W
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
& m' X5 O7 k4 I8 @# |（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）' d4 }' |! n  R4 F& Y4 k
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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……