《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。. @8 l3 \/ Q. O/ d$ U/ I+ B
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影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。
! _( l) j  E: w' I! EWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
" {3 c8 D3 H: G( l" xHolmes: I just picked it up.# K# w/ ]& {4 F" H6 ^) Q  T6 W7 x) U
Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
3 H7 h) w6 j3 IHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
& l+ r. }0 V$ J, R( AWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
! I5 O# O- g2 n; B, U7 pHolmes: You did.6 L" d; E# c! Y2 O5 t& j1 M4 e
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）4 J' d, m3 G, e% \, M
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.# A4 |# I3 Q1 W. g- p
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宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。
( a9 }; g: ~. M/ T' cWatson: Permission to enter the armory.
5 m- e6 ]/ v) {- g/ m4 F* w2 bHolmes: Granted.& ^# h8 n3 J& w* J) C
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。/ Z  C$ J6 T) t. C$ ^
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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) v; |$ e3 R4 p+ r8 ?拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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! w: T) o/ f0 {& @( U# t6 bWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
0 n+ u: Z# p" H: k9 KWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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. `5 j$ I& b, Q* tHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。' Q  P2 N& w! k4 ?) Z0 g2 B
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1 D9 C( F/ E6 s( T, p& |: B) A  ]5 NBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。% H) c- ^" _" U2 Y
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）  p1 s* Z8 g' q9 e$ e# |
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?6 T, \4 O, U! s1 Q, S- a
Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
* Y' {  I! \( F) CIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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) m; s. I; t- Z! oIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。" w. |4 j8 l  }% R8 C
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
' k- c2 e  }* o$ N; u- ]Watson: Get that out of my face.7 s6 @  {7 G8 T+ X" W0 o
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.$ C$ r% X$ ~  x5 u6 Q
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.8 r+ ?1 d. F$ y) O3 J0 K/ u6 Z
路人警官Clarky上场。+ E+ [# k6 ]& u: @. p1 h; \# w; Y9 q
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
3 w* F0 {" v+ Y1 F$ Z; K8 x8 ~Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
" W% k* v1 o2 r. d: q得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。  X! o  z" G3 E* g
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?, r$ b4 z" f2 N0 \3 {: q1 Y
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.9 h1 `4 p" Q3 u' W5 F8 F7 J
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
) ^! G- }$ c) o5 @( ]（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
$ c" J1 |3 E0 V0 a9 J7 `4 }5 aHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
1 s9 }* C# y+ A+ D6 ?4 eWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。
5 g" A7 d5 o+ a2 |, nHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）
* k! s7 v4 z- v8 Y/ EBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…: _& M1 v7 [/ L" {5 w: V- s/ P. A
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）2 R$ v/ X! H) b5 E) A
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。* A5 }% H* _9 t7 a4 P8 P3 ]
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
. {+ Q* c$ l/ p/ T' J6 k后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。/ a, I/ N  l5 L4 Y5 h8 j; q! D: g
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）5 f+ E: H; Z, r5 P
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。
+ \) p  E! G/ o0 ^8 E" eLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.' t3 Y+ x$ a* D) ?9 C. |2 N% g
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
! Y# M1 |6 |8 o5 Z话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
) ~' Q5 E; r* H% c* b" U5 ^8 ^6 v2 dHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）+ B; u- v) _# _3 H
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
+ U$ x% v  g( z' VHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）
; c8 \) `% V2 pMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
5 a" t2 P% W8 X; [5 s3 L! }- h6 fWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
0 \& n" H. X& ^' z$ {, V7 CHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）4 s3 e3 D- \/ ]- |/ N$ r* l
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）3 @$ }. `  f, t: J4 C+ s: t+ Y
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
" I8 X2 P$ |$ [9 XWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）8 a& M9 ]! [& p' |0 h& C. f
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
4 }7 N3 c1 K4 p( \+ O0 j, `（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）% h9 v/ B, q0 G! B4 E6 i& m8 D4 i
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9 q9 o( ~1 H; D" w( o4 D) C总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……