《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 5 J4 B& W. Y. ~5 I1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） : E, U7 d$ M. u2 G3 Y0 D; oHolmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. % L3 e) o2 w' A0 ]（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） : Q- F! ]: S6 V- n( X% T" X: P' ]' B7 zHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． + |& ]/ |- i  v% }: \  a/ p  c宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 3 r8 v- o. J, N/ ^. _: ~8 b7 fWatson: Permission to enter the armory. 7 M1 J# ]! N+ A& `/ sHolmes: Granted. 3 V4 D1 d( K" U) l2 d3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 , I4 ?7 |# L5 c7 K* LWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）   U6 w% Z. E& [) c& z4． 5 }$ @; C- C- S" U  U* ]- J拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 & b& D9 ^% J' P. O/ A* ~5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 & Y& S( i$ Z4 F5 J) |& vWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 8 s: _5 K* ?1 A. M6． * ]) {/ s1 v' P" {! zHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 : Z! Z- |1 M* ~" i7． 4 ~, Z0 \; r* U- C, [5 qBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． 2 z) D5 b  a/ L$ E9 X" @7 z+ _Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? 7 q0 N' Z4 ]" X- EHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． , C6 w+ A2 @' p& `Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） 5 c+ S. {6 [9 D/ ^5 sWatson: Get that out of my face. 2 E; b& B/ e& k* i$ F" wHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 6 M. @4 m" K7 [* s, H% S路人警官Clarky上场。 & r$ B  Y! A, V, X7 n7 K6 K* o/ VClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 2 Z# y) p7 V2 |/ X得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. 9 e% X, a6 r* L; ~3 k" R4 t5 Z$ \墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 0 p% y2 k, o- L) o3 ]9 L11． $ V1 o) S* U! M" t0 r6 j% W/ w% D, i河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 . X; z* m5 a- X5 u8 QHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… / G* C- C9 J1 R4 p; Q% cWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 2 p% N( Y$ T& {$ P12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 % c' g5 U" ?) w1 S; {0 d$ WLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 3 K. M5 ~8 U. u: A+ D' g* CHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） ! M, H/ e% i* k3 k2 L* D0 t+ gHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） 1 T( c( L- m4 J  o# I( r+ Q  _Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） 6 _$ h8 v+ s; F6 W& I, XWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） ' A0 C; e) o7 G9 j& ~9 p& Z" B*********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……