《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 4 W  T" d( D2 p7 _/ A5 K7 ^1 T*********** 1． ' d6 Z) q6 H; ?! o, Q" r影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 # W% N& U$ y% B# {Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） 9 W! p% u. k& G: [' W/ nHolmes: You did. 6 E7 J9 }1 w) Y! P8 R7 `（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） 9 V5 c( B- l9 X' X4 l8 BHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. $ X- B! x; `, e6 e( |$ x* T2． , H: s/ {5 f7 n  |* l( ?+ N7 W宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 : @  l3 s" M: j# _- c" _9 nWatson: Permission to enter the armory. ; I% C0 o! T5 x* }Holmes: Granted. 3. " p; k8 v- `9 I+ W7 s晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 2 w# U: M# V4 D! N9 eWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． % Q& Q! `3 S3 @: u3 gWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． 3 m! a# G/ N) oHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 , T0 ?2 A5 g# ^% g1 R! X5 Z" [7． Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 ! b8 q4 I) r0 |. D8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 # x& I& F0 X7 j: _$ w$ D* ^（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. . ~9 N& M4 i5 G, ]) v" L# r9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 % v) e0 q0 Y7 lHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 5 @& P7 }4 X* Y0 I' ~4 P3 L路人警官Clarky上场。 2 ~# U/ X  s$ a* m. yClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. 2 b5 e9 O( y3 t. M5 W- dHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 1 B6 \# }" W0 w8 a( |3 u& x8 s4 S得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 , W) C  K  \3 [5 o) WWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. / `7 U, x* \$ u10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） ! Y" y- @9 G4 j2 `11． 9 j# B% k* ^# F. l' R, k河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… ! @% l1 g4 l/ lWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 - O$ x" D/ {/ D' d& kHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） ) h9 O$ S' G9 _/ p后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 0 E3 T" ~1 _1 e4 j* vHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） : v2 [) [- }+ d& Q  `6 `2 o$ ]12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? # z' A: y/ Y% h, x6 o5 ?$ ~Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） 8 f& w! A, W% W' t! x7 \) `Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） , U! r; Q4 A2 IHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） , w4 @+ o# R" N  H: RMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） * n4 T; ^) u4 Y/ O& `7 J*********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……