《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 1 ?" D- A2 i# v" {Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） + G) h* h6 a4 Y% G- V9 `Holmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 0 f7 W4 D+ ?* k- w" L2． 2 Z; S! ?' u# A( [$ S5 a宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. 1 P+ k' h) g# b3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 / x! ^" z% @0 t5 }. F. P* R# g/ PWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） ! y6 D0 y2 g6 \! l4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 / x, a6 s7 _7 ~! R8 w5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 - O' O) n( Q1 i4 M+ W' G1 @  rWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 1 D2 s* T9 S1 y$ G) n6． - ], S: a4 ~) B" dHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 & A& g- M4 Y" I2 ~. w7． % v. s2 S2 r  P' B4 P; Y+ o  J: pBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 $ r; [) L3 o6 U8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 3 X) ], q! s- m0 _（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. : K* g  d- b% |6 d9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 ; s" J: f% J( |Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. ' S4 m8 J9 j- ]Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. 2 E$ }& I3 d( }' a6 {& V1 ]Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. % q4 a4 a" e8 JHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? 7 M7 T1 K* e: T$ ^+ AHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. ( F4 {* T3 Q5 d6 B10.   i" W/ _" o; V8 x- `墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） ' l+ t* H  z2 \$ v  U8 wHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） & X( N) [+ q) O7 Q' e# _( P1 b. X& V11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） 5 t7 [  c) z* T! e6 GBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… 3 c9 ]" q$ k# X$ V5 s# c/ R& IWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 6 H$ ]: o& L" x后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． . o6 {9 G8 s5 q警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 # R0 |6 n% h( u, KLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 7 K! i7 ?3 X" |6 ]) p  H接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 ( c9 `+ B/ Z2 d, F  @Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） 8 `6 ~$ p' Y1 s# j& ?. NMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? 2 M4 t! \+ w! g1 aWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） + ^  d$ |. z( y  T6 v! N4 kHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） & ]& y; B; Y- H+ UWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） ! y% Y/ b! }0 d- m$ J3 HHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） ! X  H3 q. E% [' GMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） 5 o" ?' H  O) q; O4 V9 [( o*********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……