《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 8 B7 @" c) J- s* i+ `*********** 1． & a0 `  ]/ U" X+ ^影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） 5 b0 e( Q" ~" V- R9 ^6 L9 jHolmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） : }8 f7 r% \3 ?/ C  Q1 pHolmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 1 S+ v$ n$ \. [2 K4 M  W. ~8 z2． 5 h8 z2 k% W" c1 b: T0 |. o宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. ' B3 d. `0 y5 D+ B3. 7 w9 @0 R8 z5 ]4 u晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。   E/ C% |( z( Z4 r5 ~. ?( ~3 pWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） : h7 E- _7 ?% `! B7 g0 d; k8 x4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 # `- n* z& |+ X1 o' P5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 : \1 M. U) F: c" }* ^+ y" uWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． # J; q4 ?0 F+ L- S7 g% VHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7． ( }& m3 ~4 Q5 V& X/ K& \$ {4 bBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。   K5 T& D5 S8 B" V% |: d4 [8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 + ]% F9 f! ]8 I7 t# c( X5 K（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） # W* B% ^& l: A9 C; H4 {7 _- p# CIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 7 h, k. i4 p0 U+ n9 c8 p9． ; U1 k! o9 h/ V( m- SIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 6 O2 K7 r2 b0 A. C& c3 y7 zHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. 0 A1 K0 a+ ^, c8 SWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. $ R' ?" t( x8 U+ V7 Z2 V) @: f路人警官Clarky上场。 * s/ r# G, r3 {: {+ u* @: fClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 4 y! F0 o1 M2 g得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 9 N' |. E# R$ H7 Y/ g2 b( hWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? 1 o6 A$ m+ e- p, c; |Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. + {7 f! m  R7 b2 F: f+ {8 B墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 + P6 n$ z+ h& J5 Q2 E' J1 r（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） 6 P8 s9 @& }" G5 UHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. . e/ b% ^6 U- B) Q/ aWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． & v- h+ m1 p& _3 z3 E& R河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 ; Y3 g9 i! R, e5 T! KHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） , `7 x! R5 f0 c死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． ! H: V/ c8 ?# ^# F, ~警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 / D2 e% a6 d! ^: X( [' K0 o, }话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） % Q9 s6 }! N7 h9 A2 VWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） ; K. Q8 F! k. J" j8 zHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 5 Z; o$ L8 F" q6 ~# `+ V7 j# u总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……