《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** . s( w% Y& n/ K1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 ' b' y8 ^6 e9 n7 _0 W+ ?# `Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） + V9 X8 _' e/ v- PHolmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） , l* _0 I( ?$ x! yHolmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） 7 S3 m9 ~: Q# i& [- F1 p9 l4 YHolmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. , v% a+ r* @3 ]2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 8 M1 h/ R; s$ w, RWatson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. * S4 {6 J& V6 P! [4 \3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） ( ?! _" t' c" c8 U! ]4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 2 L8 W0 U7 o' f0 T+ I' Z# I5． , l  h% n7 O' V5 @9 xWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 ' ?8 H- h+ D% B2 n9 ~% }# c" q9 fWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． & d5 `7 g/ P0 E8 v/ z7 [Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 $ _1 S# x' W7 S& l4 u7． " W+ Q) ?$ M/ Y! U+ o7 x* u, t3 OBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 & k$ [0 r! j' f7 o7 K, ~8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） * a2 A6 P( [% p+ L2 CIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? + ]" X, X6 X! p/ XHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） 8 D* ]7 |! G4 H" @Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. ( C8 o8 W$ V. V% D2 v( _4 K( z4 W+ \9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 . b2 v! V% Y/ i) B- I: RHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） + y0 t; L9 \+ h- K8 T6 FWatson: Get that out of my face. ( B8 g8 H9 t" |  i7 W- }9 A! sHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. 9 l, b8 o1 h; ~6 J2 X3 xWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 ; a* }9 C) z: z7 ^; q6 P- `Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. 6 x: p& w- t4 Q, ZHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 3 U% C1 Y* Z" }6 X8 O2 OWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? ' n2 n( q! s: w% e4 l) u" B% n  k9 HHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 3 R2 q. p9 M" i. Y: p/ b% N4 }10. ( L8 H1 ]7 J. I1 L4 e" ]墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. 8 Y/ W7 i# N( D( x& [" n! }Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． + T, p( K) e' h6 `河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） * I+ Q0 C) |# S& M! X3 I; NBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… ! [9 Y3 Y" @+ F3 L- x( T% CWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） - M; q( u  ~- I" @  {( F+ x. ^, X死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 0 E/ w/ d$ q) jHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 3 x) j- K2 Z3 D. _# QHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） ; M! e- Y/ N! U4 Z* u4 w  E0 r12． 2 G: [7 _: |$ z1 \0 B& Z: t警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. ! d6 a8 q7 w, s6 ]: r13. " }4 R5 S+ z! \- L接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 8 o2 S" c$ P4 A话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） $ @* x* g; S  S5 s: R9 c0 kWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） & g' L7 p2 w  U9 zHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） ; T* D7 b1 R3 O% e2 O4 FMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） . ]0 d6 ?: }* R' ?; aWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** . I# ^' @: i& w' s" e7 b6 v+ i总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……