《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 7 n/ k- g  d$ c1． ; _& Y- |/ Z7 j4 i+ m6 u# t9 f影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. - _" A$ A* J9 H- Q  a5 j$ P; n8 mWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） 7 c9 \3 [6 J. K$ h0 a/ o& CHolmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. 4 @7 J5 B& F3 {! I' W（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 3 J7 U$ ?7 ^/ Z1 @" E) bWatson: Permission to enter the armory. $ O3 ]2 u9 m( T5 k" OHolmes: Granted. / R' ]4 {5 ~8 m3 j5 ?0 Y& N3. ) r7 Q- H9 u- S, k  I) u0 h9 n晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 5 q& t2 e5 f- H* l5 _拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 # g+ i+ H) M2 w& ~5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 2 D4 e+ M7 N! X" t/ ~Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） / l& z6 s0 i1 `2 @0 p, a6． 0 L5 z$ _, N9 S! Z7 A; \Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7． - t* `- U, Q* N5 b3 p% H0 |Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． 7 D" i$ o4 m9 U+ p2 o8 c& f" \7 zIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? 5 G1 E) c, _3 V' A5 e- PHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9 S9 t2 u5 c8 Z# C$ r9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） ; r- B& s- m2 ]: XWatson: Get that out of my face. 9 a4 j" V! p/ V1 p; a5 iHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. # i% i$ F7 o& y8 M路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. " R4 v' f0 n, ?6 y" @Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 6 S* d" j9 _5 T# t  K6 Z" Z/ y得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. + I/ w/ U! j4 }# k3 f( s0 X& U0 W墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） 4 L! c5 F1 K* M8 }) S- ZHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 8 I# O" ?$ Z2 H11． ; y9 v6 Z' j2 d河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 : Z. ~, T; I6 q0 S( n7 P" kHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） 3 _0 T+ q( j% S$ K$ s+ }Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… # d9 V; X, L' K* h# Z8 rWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） % P" J  c$ O' y# r- s* h3 U死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 / e& F2 k) u: I' z: n, g) SHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） ; G$ T* C1 k; Y4 V! ~( {后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） ( w$ y/ F; T  m) {6 F4 b, A/ A( ?12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） , m  x* y8 }2 i2 z# HWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） 4 A/ d4 d8 ^; e% o+ THolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） 4 B2 y) b1 H6 T$ f/ G3 s0 T$ VHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） 2 B; |1 ~  y2 W% Z' }0 ^: oHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……