《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. 5 [- a7 `; i6 c7 uWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） ( ^2 z2 L5 r9 R) THolmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. - B5 f0 E. P1 ~/ H2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 * F# B% h9 g. [# X$ @1 xWatson: Permission to enter the armory. $ ?/ l! W* u# GHolmes: Granted. $ e& {& y1 b1 ]2 W3 }- C, C% P3. + A  k9 H7 W- ^7 T晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）   {9 U) x. l& v' p3 ?; O  p! w4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 + d! J, U# R* Y2 K; mWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． 4 o$ ~2 R# Y) j9 y9 U0 u' zHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 * W* {4 {* D# |3 K1 S7． Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 # X! Y, O( |" ^8． * i/ E. ]* v8 _6 jIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 ' T1 Y% b. h& v# f# e6 J* [  L# ]* `（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. & p, L& c4 m/ CHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. $ ?& k* \& V8 |! i' n8 d- j路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. ; l% O& O; Y) b, D7 y; s墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） ' D& {6 C. ~+ U% y% z6 D, `Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. ( r4 j8 e" c4 e- O% `0 YWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 0 Y% e# w9 n' k3 @河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 ( l% k3 F: p8 ~" U7 [' b# CHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） / R+ |' Z/ C' \' OBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… % q2 n# h1 @- ?( x. P% GWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） " E4 I: B+ ~0 O1 t9 `2 [8 z) D死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 * g% C+ u0 B+ e: W( V1 _Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． " K2 R) G0 P3 Y, [, G警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 2 d/ b, g9 E( [7 Q0 p7 M13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 . {2 M% F% }4 J, j- h. @话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 % E, \- A2 g8 F9 \# o. |; ]Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） 8 F% E7 _! f# \7 t  t* cMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? 5 A& J( K  d9 L& K- N; K# e. A/ B4 fWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） 8 s$ Y2 g/ j( q' X5 _8 e! E, o  TWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） & {4 c- I$ _! z. Z（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** $ P+ k9 e" I  q1 \% u4 e/ ^$ U7 n总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……