《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） 8 s8 h% {. J" SHolmes: I just picked it up. & c" W4 V( k  C2 YWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. 5 t4 D/ y3 N8 b, b0 p% L, |Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） ! G  `% C: a1 h! h# Y$ d, C5 ]5 y. FHolmes: You did. 2 l2 d( {& h1 c& h7 @（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） 6 @7 X6 D0 S$ o: P$ s1 N4 lHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. 2 Z: I* {0 C- J- {) c8 W; |. cHolmes: Granted. 3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 / U  ]* {$ `7 V2 Z# [1 m8 H" RWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4．   Y; r4 Q# v8 R拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 9 H' |# Q8 W$ K- }6 O! _9 x5． " X3 v* b" n3 J8 ]- s! `Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 9 H. F6 X" e: N" `7 \8 X2 jWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） & D0 W+ C0 y# r2 y3 n6． 5 ~+ @, f4 h" a" sHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 & o* R# ~& r4 g/ C) X9 O* r7 c7． Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 6 Q# i2 E7 X& Y3 R- }8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 ' o) N/ V8 i- n7 i  H- j! r（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. - e; `1 w7 J6 _- p) a& x9． 5 L' M0 K' w8 }! \  }4 RIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 # ^8 y4 {0 ^* `: r' C6 bHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） : w+ W! r) y2 M" Z0 FWatson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. 4 M7 W7 @" }1 _+ y, ^, QWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.   v3 y& l2 C) [0 W7 q路人警官Clarky上场。 ! f. u; O/ A+ R( D  ~6 @Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） & \# J, u# z$ M得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. ) y4 x0 w. C$ q, u10. + t$ p. I. }  m0 H/ N+ j4 e% w墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） / f' \& L/ ^8 i5 {Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. ( _2 b0 B7 n- R/ \2 lWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 6 n7 D2 X5 @' B( e3 ^& C11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 ! Y4 N$ P; m) ]; q/ f4 t$ v9 AHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 1 G! a  b2 {, b0 V3 o后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． 9 R) ^. L6 s  a! L& h% t警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? 1 m  S; M. }) d( F6 p' e! C: hWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） ; {  F: l7 P* p$ q4 DMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……