《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 5 X0 T/ \" d! C/ jWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. # I5 T% Z  M/ k; g8 f: o# HWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. 7 ^5 N# g0 L6 n; B/ j! D8 _2 _! ~Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. ' ^5 ]# K5 q' ~/ p. C: Z4 w, y& \2． ; p; _; D* Q5 ~& Z" }0 U宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 % a4 {: L2 t- o/ z" B2 nWatson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. 1 \$ I! k' E0 e3. % d4 G# j5 W+ @晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） ' m5 t" D6 F: r5 x4． - ?$ z+ V) m2 g拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 4 G6 |0 i+ [/ x; ^$ Q5． " h, v  c& y$ C- E2 EWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） + e6 f$ t# j( `. [, V1 p, \6 W6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 0 f) C) h8 C- f, _8 k' p9 t7． ! h1 J6 N0 j% i* _5 [Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． ; f( Q" w$ D! b7 d0 B2 C# P$ FIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? % B! Z# z: Q( y$ }1 tHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） . e5 ?" a: g6 Q( c" B- hIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 7 t( F$ j0 f- o/ {- e) pHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. # Q8 o# ?1 J2 e! gWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. : d; V4 |5 Q+ B* T' T路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 " P! G/ x# K: B3 H1 x" m9 v/ U- ?& CWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? - Q+ f( M1 O8 c$ DHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. ( c$ Y. M, o. \, X$ j& I10. * K; v4 O, ?$ x- Z9 `- H6 ?墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. - o& b& K& I& k1 S$ }Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… 5 X7 l% D! w- o' ?0 JWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） : X# G' c# ?" h) l  }, b2 M9 k12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. ' I! s* `; f& C( x; x2 v2 ]13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 & N% G6 X; j8 ]$ }话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 0 H5 ]3 y* F' |* }  n! X8 v. dHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） ' N6 P# s( z- G4 m; L) {9 }Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? # j! t5 E' b' h4 a8 ^) WWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） ) W9 w5 k$ W$ U' j3 u  C" {Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） 5 z7 H6 V. D, K' N, xMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） + M: u* r) F' N6 Q1 }; ^( N- E5 s（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） ; l* _7 c& N" o! V% X& i*********** ! F: b4 Q+ K% y$ D$ B# C总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……