《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** * o- f$ W" g/ c: W5 k) _6 h; ?1． ! L! O( o: k. K7 z6 K影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. " E4 A' p7 }3 E, iWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） 9 \3 Y% O, S1 v1 d8 Q& h5 }" KHolmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. 4 `3 {  J8 Y* ]5 L（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） ! V% i( ~- H+ I6 Z  N$ UHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 7 T" y. @/ Z: _+ P0 t$ p4 c1 R2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 " z2 {0 f6 H/ s9 p/ f6 vWatson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. ; y+ A! G# U& s& F3. ( P  s! l" @* A  j- Z% r* `2 y/ V晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） ! F' ], S6 `$ a, _; Q) l7 n5 ^4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 % ^+ V7 U/ S! o/ ]1 xWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7． 9 o' e! o, y  q+ N+ p& M# TBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8 h# X) F# Z) o) m& ~8． 7 \- |' a6 U0 w8 h( z5 G' u. SIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 + B9 L: p# t3 \4 x; g2 j4 R# Y（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）   S$ `# f2 P8 F/ Q1 ~: ~* b% s4 N5 r7 hIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. . e0 L3 X; k8 s1 W/ y2 Q9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 ! O' d& F4 }7 {Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. ) y6 w  _$ _- @) X& E4 z% R  l8 @( L路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 6 u( v- X3 b% \6 y1 B. \: A* m: B（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） ( G- G7 C& i' J3 v5 t11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） % m. }# p1 t5 B- _$ Q- n3 U7 z9 sBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… % _2 ?: ^, d/ i0 o3 I. W3 OWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） ( w( Q  K3 ^4 @. j9 Y, M/ j- L! g死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 - v6 M  m$ ~: w- {$ d4 m# o! HHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） / b9 l! t6 y# B% k* ~后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 ) g- P3 _2 s/ ?$ K& QHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 + y( ]% @& H: G; E5 n) o5 d话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）   n* h2 p# S3 y1 {' LWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） : _8 ^* h3 N2 `Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） % c  t9 [3 i/ ?! H. t$ V- z" y9 |（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** " L9 l+ q% \0 z总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……