《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 . R* p3 U2 p, {7 S, }: o( X1 J5 p+ o*********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 $ E: C3 T3 [# s' ~7 oWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. 5 W! r- i8 F, a9 N/ ], s( OWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） ( r! J: N9 s" aHolmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. 9 f& D6 t, m  T" [（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） - }4 E+ j- f, i* L3 K4 zHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. ; }8 ]2 A& o& K4 y9 h* m' A( A7 ?! f2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. ) d. N% z1 M% j( h# i  R, i3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） % D8 m0 _5 \  r/ H' P4． 3 u, V8 Y5 D" K& ]# K拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 # f7 s+ ]$ g( @1 P% A( ^. ^/ [3 y5． $ e: T% g7 o9 c0 i% \8 ~+ k9 MWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 7 E3 d. g1 S5 k% m! ?6． 3 [" L0 j& _% @7 h$ {, V$ y" e; qHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7． . ?' t) T  ~( q) |Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 3 X' n1 b- S+ y8 r8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 / _0 W2 k6 K: C; P7 |) H（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） : _: t% e# \1 i2 qIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? ' x/ L8 ]7 f' h. V2 nHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）   F+ ^9 f& Y2 S/ ^& DIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. . V! k( N3 l7 Z. k) n* l: THolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. ( R/ H5 Z" S3 Y* S路人警官Clarky上场。 , L! c8 n' [$ ], _/ c7 X$ \Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. 3 l5 t( c3 w  ?+ R# P) F) w/ {1 zHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 1 d4 n+ P1 t3 v4 v9 z4 z9 {2 @( rWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? 5 {! H* x6 x2 k4 y1 jHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. # c/ k' Y' b) n$ K: v10. 1 g: [; P: R3 ?% G, R* H墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 4 L, ]: [/ G+ q% m（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） 5 d4 @$ b4 ^" nHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. , X2 {" V6 r- a" X1 l" H$ _, iWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） - w2 J& ^/ j% V- yBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 9 G. M# n4 }9 @+ w死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 8 i& B" [1 n; Y& C, }后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 0 C- S7 G9 @- }0 DHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 9 a2 h$ A1 y# p! I* A* s12． 1 n0 k0 h- U* S& e警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 0 \  n1 C$ d, X. }% F- uLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. ( G% L& }  ]8 }$ f1 F# \) A13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 7 [; Q7 O( ^8 @$ p+ @* X7 VHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） & z6 X0 K" n! U& z# ?" ZWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） 5 T% t- T$ a2 G. f+ \: _Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? ( x( Z  G* q  H/ M; I8 a2 ZWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） * h& M8 |/ Y/ h" R6 xHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） - x! _9 V! Q  }8 r+ t# `Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） , K8 n( O. r$ s) D7 d# Y% lMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） " x3 K! i* B  i" \: w6 z, l6 o***********   P2 t9 j7 E1 Y5 O" g/ n总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……