《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 0 n$ m- f6 E6 K, ]1 l1． ; |1 l. B" q( a+ [6 v影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 , A, U! ?) o& H# E8 S* cWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. , x" @6 m* B: Y% W4 J7 h) _* k" g9 {Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） ! X2 j) g4 d' n0 F3 r  r6 _Holmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） ) @% _9 i# |! D7 f$ gHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. & M: C. f/ l) k9 j) UHolmes: Granted. ' n( i' M- ?- D3. , r" w5 Z  d; u& z+ c0 ?, D晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 , q3 o4 M( p& `Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） * I8 ?/ s/ }2 q) u7 p  u' }4 h" R* k4． 4 k6 W) k3 p" D# Q# `( v7 Z拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． 5 `. X1 d, g9 ~4 Q! h+ I' `- S: WWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 ! v! @# f$ {  y5 ^6 I9 eWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 0 R( Z" W- D9 V$ _# V0 t7． Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 4 Q$ w9 j& i0 D6 w5 {: e8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） $ h1 C  }- {; o8 NIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 2 {8 X0 u/ v" x4 H9． 4 E5 O- L; t3 `Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） # r: h, @3 q$ [! @" PWatson: Get that out of my face. ( g5 [5 Y! H3 l" }Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. 1 j* V9 A; W! s: A' n6 @# ]Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. $ m6 q: ]9 z& F) H  E路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.   r; n' X0 F9 D" |7 P- ~10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 4 n9 O' T4 h, i. c4 c$ h7 w（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） / J% b3 V+ h" D# GHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） ) r% C" s: \7 I: |- W11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 & ?! l" _- [$ y9 d; Z) p/ AHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） % c1 [% _/ ^5 D+ d3 p1 w! k* |$ @后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 8 E# B1 E1 L6 d/ RLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 7 W" p9 N5 t" r13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） , ^7 |- t- X1 J9 F) c+ I( iWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） 8 |! n9 f9 V& @! f7 U8 V! zMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? * u! m9 K% b: i4 Y4 }/ F% D& CWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） - m1 [' F* d( I  ]$ Y0 n, r0 [5 vHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） - x! M* q+ J) v- X2 {& l( t$ N/ t, IWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） % [9 `+ g8 L8 g" M% P' LHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） 9 I8 _9 a9 q! R' bWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） ! l0 P- h; z8 K8 zMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……