《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 / V7 q9 q1 [& A& X" |% z( D*********** 0 g9 o0 V) u. f8 C& k8 ?) C7 y1． 4 g; c$ C. s* R9 q影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） ) X1 Q8 a7 ^5 HHolmes: I just picked it up. 0 z0 `9 H* m( y# Z5 \Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） - B8 j* D' ?. o0 s' J3 `7 ?Holmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） ( U3 R. H4 d0 n; C! h7 r! Z  XHolmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） # v- k5 m( i2 i3 a/ lHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． 0 h- H9 Q5 N3 [宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. $ `  ~: v1 l# j; G" `% kHolmes: Granted. 3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 5 l8 ]) X! T; t; d+ ~) nWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6 a# a+ ?. {) `& P4 {6． ; O; d( F! a% F% ?+ x4 aHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 0 q+ v& b% L" M" ]# n. m+ `' Q" c7． : {: D* e# [* K! tBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 ' S# X, w4 w/ O8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 ( m, s* G; T/ y* F  d* O（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? ' H+ ~; ~- i+ t$ J, ~Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）   O4 v, _" F/ b6 f$ }+ \" x7 l& r5 jIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． * F( _& Z3 ]% P! HIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. * O, [+ I+ d( @7 B! W6 L2 c8 WWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 ; j' S  ^  d* CClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. / F1 K( [% \) x8 Z& ?% gHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 3 c9 @2 {- T8 C得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 + j$ s% R0 J7 w" c9 O) n, lWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. + @: G" |* |& s: k3 V% ^10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 5 d6 c1 y, B8 }2 N" Y. j（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. # D& b# z3 @' S8 Q2 SWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） % t* j4 B/ b  C* w, M8 I7 m! D; a11． 4 [# E' b( n1 b# K3 _+ N河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 & _9 Z7 `2 j8 G& x& |6 }" `0 Z7 L% sHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） * [) U' m: X4 F/ l* s" ?1 Q0 H死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 - u2 O4 z# T2 ^Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 ; F$ C3 c+ u' c! _2 B0 A- _Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12．   k* ?( u8 a: o+ |# J0 E2 r警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. ' O/ c8 k( O: t) z, l13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 # Y9 Q9 ?- O5 O& @+ {* y" z! z话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? 5 o( C3 g8 o3 V0 `6 @& q$ sWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） 8 E8 ]# {. z' \0 p4 MHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** * c; C* t0 D4 c& M总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……