《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． + w8 a1 Q2 w* g2 \: ]影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. $ {/ |/ g! Q" z5 XWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） ; P2 l2 v; F0 W' O4 Y/ IHolmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） 3 O9 S- F, l' _6 UHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． " |. @. I6 |- u* Z4 w5 D3 k宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 4 w5 ^% M" V& O! \* o9 g& a- jWatson: Permission to enter the armory. 4 q' d( w7 M3 kHolmes: Granted. 3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） ; W, x4 u; \/ N0 W5 u4． / b/ c7 _1 K* u3 s拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 4 J  P( a" p1 C: E1 m5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） : r$ }2 T3 D- T9 t% x6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 1 l: p6 o) v  t5 @; T% ^7． 8 b2 D% }# y' \9 n, l, w& YBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 & E) z) {2 {5 G! V! f1 `8． 4 n2 e) d5 u6 v. |8 iIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 % J- l' H7 z7 O5 E0 o（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） $ @( I! r& K$ sIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? 2 l9 X; s1 s, n3 h4 g9 w* i# QHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 " Z$ r' A3 M, p7 M5 {! O$ O0 Z  f# r2 ~Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. ( |( c! v9 g) P, j2 kHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. " I7 ]  y* b1 S# u! E  }路人警官Clarky上场。 3 `/ `7 D+ F- x. k3 NClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 2 p9 r% d( s) S0 P- @得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 3 y1 ?( r: Z9 y9 }2 ^Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. - a8 Q% G4 r- }5 h( G8 ?2 g$ k10. / H! q5 z2 K/ v: j墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） 2 _1 H. I5 `2 }8 gHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. + `3 A$ z5 I4 `% NWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． ! Q$ s: B/ K- Z7 X河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 % S$ ^+ e* B8 G) ?% {Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） 3 ]1 h/ Z" G/ yBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 + k' \# a  u1 t4 L8 BHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） & ]9 i: _, U8 L! n后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． * A- b% D: B+ v1 r! g4 ]( ^警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 . `  w7 k7 q+ Q3 h% @Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 3 q4 t& Y1 Y6 G4 D13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 ( m# J8 z2 @  o) W' b  q话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 6 _' @: ?$ D5 r  G& ^Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） " p  k8 h; q8 `Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） % g! d0 C. i. b; THolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） 1 J0 h0 g2 {3 H7 @, W7 [( HMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） 0 k2 }2 W5 Z$ c*********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……