《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 2 Z, q" s1 m$ K9 F: P影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 3 N. ], m3 A9 m+ JWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） $ J4 R+ r3 Y8 RHolmes: I just picked it up. . D! \7 U, I2 ?9 C4 d3 vWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） ( Q' _3 E5 f" X5 [( rHolmes: Knew I forgot something. , _- e, p8 v0 W, }& z" k, g5 k( yWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. , E1 d3 P  y, o3 \8 C, K- N（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 + X0 D" J3 v( T3 M, bWatson: Permission to enter the armory. 6 r$ w' d" k" O5 l7 |- m; QHolmes: Granted. 4 q) j' D2 x1 @6 t3 |- {* z7 P7 }3. & Y; @0 _9 L! z3 w0 Q7 D晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 3 l' k7 d) n9 t- D4． 7 e) }0 I8 K# K6 D8 k, N1 r拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 " @# R3 m6 e2 D' {5． 2 f5 p! T6 c4 S1 c1 a; T, [! M9 qWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 + g5 C. M' A7 p  l0 U4 kWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） ) K4 B, y6 h6 ?! t6 L6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 ( G- Q0 C2 l0 l+ s9 [7． / N/ u# C- K% m1 F8 |! U( {1 OBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） 4 |  C  b1 }3 b8 v8 w/ I. J  k' iIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 8 ?, D) \5 g$ _; F9 Y; V( I9． + T- r& ]: a+ s% d5 v+ w" EIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 . E5 @. H( ^0 W4 oHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. ) ^4 p  C/ x- i) Y: V4 THolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. ; Z5 e' w# I4 V& P: y( dWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. , I! L) R2 ~" d0 s7 l路人警官Clarky上场。 . H+ z$ S) z; A  G4 U) ?# t' }Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. 7 G3 |4 J  `% cHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） * {& q  j! A: t& S得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 ( J+ m: ^4 S+ ?( xWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? 5 U- O: J% F  j; R5 xHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. * R# R% P5 N, v. i: m4 d墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 8 B/ U7 z2 }  R1 P: S$ w. q/ b% a# \（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） - T7 m( ?1 K6 {- UHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. % ~1 X3 N" V5 G0 G0 p9 yWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） " }% j  V+ t4 s& Z0 P11． ( D; b% z1 |* {3 G: a3 ]河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 - J; Z( O* d5 L8 o  sHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） . P- U7 l1 Z+ W5 Q* vBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… $ v6 A# }5 {7 B$ ~1 d2 }1 TWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 0 P% D8 P' q0 w' G* eHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 5 H! g" ]4 N" e3 }" a' A/ x后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 9 |3 k! g( @8 K. D* x% TLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 , m4 v& Q1 z! R1 U8 b: i; \" OHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） 3 D! B% B+ d3 q! f+ CMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? % H6 |* Y- |! A8 r( C) XWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） 1 J% ]7 T6 x/ N" VHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** - i+ Q0 I! C- i% q1 s" I7 F总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……