《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 6 N+ j1 u+ v. W) k7 R: d" T0 Q1． # c3 K. e' e2 O  g* V6 g5 G影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 , E6 o3 }$ ~  J7 `' \Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. - Y( s# P8 b! C/ s/ A4 x: TWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） ' C+ ^7 y. U5 qHolmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） : v- o! n% y3 bHolmes: You did. 7 J  ^- T. s* O& P- l+ {（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． 5 u+ M3 K6 A, \- {) a) s宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 ! C0 F" X' H3 h, D8 ]4 OWatson: Permission to enter the armory. 2 \' I2 d( G/ wHolmes: Granted. 3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 % \- e1 _$ [+ U% a3 ZWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） / n; ~' T+ r! w( c, d$ H4 }: {4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． 1 j) B+ f& \$ `Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 0 S7 Y7 f4 F8 K0 ]$ P: K8 GWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） : h) N7 i/ [" Y  W7 w& q( G6． 4 ^  c  C- I3 E+ [9 h1 mHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 8 g: ^5 P; v  _7 E7 Y& t/ a7． Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． / p5 u4 p0 w' [Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 / \* Z. Y9 Z: G; d5 I7 W0 l（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） # ^1 v$ _* _  }2 Z2 A) I2 rIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） 8 P! ]9 J$ a3 IWatson: Get that out of my face. 9 R' z9 Q) g1 zHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 ' N" t7 Z& V) j" c  QClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. . Y* I, `- G3 Q& THolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. % R, N) u/ H% ]/ E4 W5 x& Q) PWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） + K; W) T& r7 j9 R0 `" t0 k9 g11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） : u, e- F7 W2 n1 p8 Y) {+ M0 \3 g后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 6 j& U* i3 }1 U/ Y+ |" E6 v, @0 k12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 ; ?0 E; Z6 \+ B/ }" q2 J' YLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 ! ~. N1 h& f/ x2 s话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? , ~% n# ~$ u) m& t; t, Q  xWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） 0 r" `2 T6 Z" ~7 jHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） " t/ R4 c8 Z' K8 @( ZWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） ; Q+ e4 Y- a- }! X; i- yHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） . f. h. H1 C% e1 I3 n7 p（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……