《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** ! \& S+ \) P2 w5 j1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 " Y$ l% E) z, J6 \Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. 4 c& q/ A% X% Y& V/ u3 e! p& c! M' b（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） 6 f0 }# H; W  D- a6 \' vHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.   Q. g4 w& _/ L2． 7 D" |; e5 |$ g9 U6 n& z9 m宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 ; s$ [' v/ \+ a; X% RWatson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. - `( i9 n9 q9 c0 }# b0 M; r3. & N. L0 P* @$ g; r7 C: A3 S晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 3 A9 k/ }' H, e- J9 E拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． 1 C9 f* w4 v  j/ R8 J; j2 Y$ TWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 : r, n' U# \$ Y  b  d3 S% vWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） + s6 C6 F3 N# q/ [. e+ f1 d6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7． - ]$ g6 Q/ D- _7 f4 e- s2 bBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 , L; Y2 x' M3 l/ d; P: _$ `" z8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） - S" {* N6 w+ V) j, m4 ?6 }Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. * c3 j$ Q4 [# W- n9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 ( ^( L' E' c0 H' B/ ?' Y1 U2 t6 ?Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） $ X: P6 j* s0 C2 ZWatson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. % v" F) {- R4 r3 B  {' dWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. ! @; c% Z$ H; b& t1 \Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） * L, w% W9 o# Y5 @3 [8 Q得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 " U5 |5 L1 `  u6 a9 Q) n: |( uWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? 0 I1 r, r# {& O1 WHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） 9 _) y: D/ x* y# F+ |: y: R3 kHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 8 ~) I- Z1 y8 I5 P  }' I11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） ( H+ [& O: v" SBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 # p) p8 O* ]$ M6 X& h( |Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） / g+ X6 D6 k9 b1 z0 |( ]0 k9 l后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 ) ^! K. m3 S! j0 D. _$ ?Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） % X7 i% ]6 L( ?- s& @; D8 J" ?12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.   W) E) F- [* N0 q3 N( E2 g13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） 7 ^) L+ W0 L1 @. `Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? 0 f+ v1 S& K: J/ Y6 G: QWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） ; `* O0 k" ^. y) k( L/ [& ~Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） 0 Q$ q, y" c- R$ @7 P' EWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） + E, w: `9 u8 _4 _& QMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 0 L9 I- ]- q0 M: l& G! g总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……