《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． ' {4 ?- X" y  v' b影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） + Y& A0 G$ X! }) B4 p: C& ~Holmes: I just picked it up. 2 p! d7 g) O5 r$ TWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） 4 U4 m7 l) l, H6 a" wHolmes: You did. ' l; K* m1 d% R/ n6 Y. r5 f（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 , q* p9 d/ U! \: X3 C3 tWatson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. $ k3 V! O" J: m; {3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 2 ^3 A! \( B. H! T# S4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 8 z- f: M$ ^; q5． 4 {9 A7 Z% `& [+ \8 CWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） ; G2 y4 M# H6 k6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 ! d9 F) p9 ?* C  a$ e" Q0 d' G; }7． ' }4 u2 Y, |  vBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． 5 `) @/ \: H7 w, E3 C1 NIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） ( b0 P% D' v: C  a" B! m; \& sIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. . Z$ F  [5 ~+ C5 h0 [" X9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. $ w9 A+ J: }4 |7 ]' N$ OHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. - Q- X1 v1 l0 a4 b! o. DWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. ( z0 S, y$ l- U( e8 f7 f5 l; LHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） " o; [  M3 C# Q8 p3 X  Q得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 8 k" n6 ^% }& Q  _" `Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. ! v' ~9 K# s  }; t" U10. 4 u2 F1 ?% A5 |2 N% ^8 j墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. % s- r( S+ V# h3 ?6 @  I' zWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 7 Q( y7 i* C: m& B# s2 @9 q11． 6 Y: A: G+ }/ O- X. ]河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 ; o* [0 X9 z, S$ r' T3 nHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 ) [2 i- d6 ]5 U' o: U- SHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） ; M' q# s; F2 k2 _: t8 \) A后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） # U, a: ~! I9 P: x' Y0 }12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 $ U3 e4 M6 o- e0 N$ O+ `话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 : V6 Z1 r) b8 H% qHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? * f. n: g1 ~9 M# F# M* ~Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） / T! |- w( X' T, ?Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） % {% L$ t6 I+ V' l; @Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） 3 b9 ~5 M  k2 q  ^1 H, x5 aMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） 4 Y$ s% r+ Q2 }9 \+ ?*********** / {. Y& T! R) Z+ c2 _总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……