《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 9 f0 G( t' u3 m5 k% QWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） 7 A( x; h& a1 V+ b! P( fHolmes: I just picked it up. ! d, W0 k. K! P) L) cWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） - Y$ C& Q9 X* R0 THolmes: Knew I forgot something. % f7 f7 [5 i% s& C' ~. P% FWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. , |3 ^4 ?2 _7 z8 k; _3 g6 ~8 c（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） 9 G2 z* t4 L! d9 g3 S8 e" P! iHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 0 c% Y+ w0 A6 g/ v  M; wWatson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. 3. % A$ M) I; I& h$ p7 [晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 4 @4 j; W/ f# qWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． / e) R5 A3 c5 @Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 % r# R! t. P6 T' m- ^5 c+ k3 MWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） ) i8 L/ \; p2 ]6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7 o7 ]; w  r# K9 v4 t$ f6 o$ a7． Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 8 f( L2 a% }& x3 p5 N（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） ! k/ R! J5 q  d: Y, y. O: ZIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） : @- K8 T6 p) @* A. o% w# j0 c' vIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. . n5 m; m  ?7 F9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） 9 h9 N  P( D. j  c; P5 GWatson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. , ?# ?6 c& b3 X: P* m0 Z4 bWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. & h, i6 ~& j8 t; P( NHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） , ~9 x$ z1 r) h* R/ n得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 2 S+ d  z3 b3 g4 xWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 3 |) r# `" @; F) A$ W10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． ) a/ I6 F4 O6 r: W" ]河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 ' ?5 z4 Q! J) d+ ?- f3 f4 {Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 ) y: s7 A: E5 E# C+ UHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。   o- k2 O! B; i2 P1 p( {# nHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 8 Z; d9 z- \$ ]& j/ |  T0 B7 eLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 4 g4 I- e; K( _9 a5 f/ o8 f接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） 6 W( b! J; o9 d; M& U& j* p- aWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? 1 b' P( t7 k6 L0 ^! p" [Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） ( P5 w! N( m+ ~4 c/ uHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） ; C$ C7 T8 Z  X- I6 r3 S8 qHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） 7 h( f0 w9 j3 A2 \Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） : V, A! [" H" o+ I2 k( yMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） 0 v6 t: _& t) R* U% H5 p0 S（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……