《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） % B5 n' J7 S3 C5 c: u8 O* @Holmes: I just picked it up. 5 S) F* `! N3 [, M; yWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） * z$ q, E$ W; M. O' oHolmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）   q- M4 V" {8 V3 y* y" VHolmes: You did. . k. |, G/ J# i（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. % A8 g3 y7 j: Q; q! C0 R+ R2． 2 _( d! O! e2 [宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. " z* h# ~3 w2 o9 q9 kHolmes: Granted. 5 A  X+ o1 L8 N6 W5 t  P# P- I3. ( }6 U  l. k0 x+ Y8 k) ~5 b晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． : P* f  p9 w  a6 @# B# [2 |, H! p" c拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 $ J$ A4 Z0 G% J+ eWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． 4 M  ^1 {# G; G; G9 O- yHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 " r+ i% Z* ^% d+ I7． 7 ^8 E5 i& ]) d' x, O; uBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 $ n7 ~" f9 a* W+ ^* _3 c6 `8．   m3 h; z- y7 p" |% E; f$ ZIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 4 N8 `: k1 ?6 Z  M& z（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） $ l# f# }9 F# Y) a0 EWatson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. ; i  _% k7 Q( H9 rHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） & g* r9 F  H' p/ {$ T得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 ) D6 f1 L  e- Q  `! R0 R) K  X: KWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 8 {- R" G( c9 f( U# m1 O! f2 Z- P10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） / n) L/ R% c% f- P: o" \$ X) {Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. 6 [; U4 P7 z2 FWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． # F8 Q( ?) p5 a河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 $ H  e) i( X3 O: E, i" aHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） 3 o( K4 O8 _- KBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 1 Q3 P: w5 @- U& J* m: ^) H" VLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. ; o) B( H; a, b13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 , Z7 U; W- ?7 j% k4 C+ n/ k话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） 1 o. ?! e2 M  s0 [1 f7 cWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） & j/ N" H( B- X* p* M0 X! {Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? $ A0 S/ Q* j' n7 rWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） ( E" C6 B8 l) F" Z7 `" E; ]- y: qHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） 7 _$ f+ D" a" @. l2 [( J1 ]Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） 5 K6 \. K1 U, c1 bHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） 1 s% _% [2 r9 X; H* V; |Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 7 c9 a  t: [9 H( n3 [9 {总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……