《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 1 v6 b. q' i+ P*********** , H/ ?, Z" E+ n, i# @& s4 \# k1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 ( @; I. q) n. A" W9 S  YWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. ! i9 k" V9 n4 }: P( sWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. 4 N2 K4 C/ a& sWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. + X9 X) p- o! h1 |1 ~（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） : b7 ~/ X+ M' r6 l  nHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 9 c1 g* _9 R5 Y4 b2． 0 K8 s. E3 _/ t+ X8 e宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. 8 [- g6 F+ Z1 h& ^# W3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 . f3 I/ X7 O% L( F* A9 j/ gWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． : b7 z) H( z7 d拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 ; b' u; q+ `, ]- E; ?5． 4 m0 }, r& }/ J+ s* y2 G8 FWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． 1 |# Y/ X7 n7 f( @* J+ ~' e; THolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 3 x6 a+ O7 U: N: u9 b7． Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） 2 q; {  M0 g& h% }Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） 3 @' |8 v) i' z. JIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． - O' S- ^3 n7 _& X5 _+ W# wIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 $ ^; J9 r% R) O8 _: ZHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. : N2 d! d& `7 h, L2 K' d( HHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. 7 }, X& l7 x- U, D: r, BWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 6 j2 \" d# B" o- M3 ?, ?" W; a得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 , R7 ]* o& h+ s& z& M) S8 CWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? 9 D2 T0 W0 F5 ~7 q8 r- e' U/ ZHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. . v. P1 B8 T5 a$ y10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。   N0 ^) U6 P! [6 S（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） " O  g) h! o1 t  M) ~Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 6 W& I+ w1 r4 n2 x11． * W3 v" G9 H, t: x河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 + B* D) b# ]) J) DHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） 0 F3 f6 h/ `, F+ a4 ~' W6 d. z/ ^Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… ) e' z/ V; H4 V  HWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）   i. M) B, V% Q& `+ F0 j* W" V死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） ' Z- T+ C& L  ~, L- u: w后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 % l) Z4 i: i2 p3 {' cHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 5 ]9 G6 X- W" h12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 9 b; c2 a9 k0 d8 K' g& SLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 9 l: g; T# T2 j% z; ~: c/ @13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） * S7 }& m$ J5 K7 Y  V9 LWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） ( r: w* @0 D9 p6 A& \* @Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?   ^8 O6 |" M5 z5 ~Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） 7 b8 ^) _( M( X/ I6 aHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） / V, {, i9 ?& Y1 jWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……