《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）   E3 i+ a4 k) ^! e5 E/ mHolmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） 6 \8 M; j4 e& p  D2 h) QHolmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. 3 @0 q' V0 ~! U3 @9 B（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） 0 ]2 j/ w' f$ r% F% XHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． + m# M+ C8 P3 }3 P: x4 U宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 . }' S$ x# s, tWatson: Permission to enter the armory. 7 Z  ]) n6 F6 Z' h8 A/ fHolmes: Granted. 3. 4 Q0 Q' \+ r) ]/ Y5 w  m# b晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 / [6 K( H3 I  u$ C% ~Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 4 T, ~* ~' _+ L- Y! n6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 , U/ y9 B5 X: O* h. V; s; M7． $ l5 J4 v/ H7 v' jBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 # [6 O0 Z% A( v2 N（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） 6 m7 w* f, z" N+ h% v# y- WIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? % z% p2 i9 h" x4 {* _- \$ JHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 8 J" y% H4 U; Y% l1 M9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 + p8 W8 E( _; T% MHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. 4 R" N' s% `. J. x9 n) s1 ?! X8 iHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 - V3 ~0 T0 q3 D+ [Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. " n# `9 l/ n5 H+ k6 LHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） $ g9 ?& q% M8 ?2 r( w1 L! z得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 % Z7 B0 `: V6 A  _. G% n% P6 ZWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? * ^% j. `1 p: W5 n9 K3 ]Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. ( r5 R) U5 c/ w3 R% ~10. 8 l0 {" |" M! `7 ^墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 % Y$ H/ U3 W* _# F4 o（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） ! J3 _' t  H/ }( V! S11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） * C9 ]0 d; c- TBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… 4 ~& K% V: P" C7 H" c, E1 MWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 & k6 C$ E7 E: V2 d; }Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 6 z- y4 k* M# S* ?* `后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 3 C5 b( T4 ^7 h5 p! a% X% R& X, NHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． ! o$ A) j" K! k) @; o警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 4 `: m' L# @9 M) NLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. + G/ z% b+ e) i/ U% N& W接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 * b4 n. _* J3 ^" W% b+ DHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） 4 Y, }+ F; [! M- d2 o" k) _Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） - x+ W( ^0 V8 ~8 j8 D; X" rHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） $ u% @1 x/ C; Z' |) PWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） - y/ L: d. x* Z1 O% bHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。）   p* i0 n* j- d*********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……