《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） * S) G; y& c) ?8 S9 t: d* {Holmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. % D; A, J6 D: [' z% N7 M5 j（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） ! _) ?# m' N$ d& Y' fHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 6 `6 L% A" Q6 P/ _8 g5 }  d2． $ v$ E' q- K+ c- R宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 - n( G6 z% l2 S4 u+ uWatson: Permission to enter the armory. + H; t. @2 c4 \& nHolmes: Granted. 4 Y8 m+ k$ e' v( k: @) I3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 & K, s! v: ^5 i$ g, JWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 0 o7 G& l% z& g' R1 }1 X  G拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 : \$ `5 a5 X( d' w1 `) P; o5． * |, q9 D  O" G, iWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 ; h, ]3 [! k5 b7 LWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） ' V4 E: G. n/ D3 V, w$ p+ X' r6 o( y6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 " |0 B+ v, F5 T" K  j7 [3 i7． Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） # O; o8 t  k& x2 u7 H* v# u6 `Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 8 a+ S! |& a3 l& W/ p3 x  R9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. ; j4 ]0 f4 t% `  H2 E  UHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. . S" |# M2 [5 J, k路人警官Clarky上场。 / E3 e1 z8 Q9 p5 h. lClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. % `( ?" G$ a: q8 N% [10. % G% g1 W! X: r" \0 t: o: p. }墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 + r# p8 @; T. l8 V1 \（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） * k5 P/ q) y% hHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 7 A; j$ e! n" r! A0 u% m! I河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 + Z0 A" v* B% b: m+ AHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） 7 G# f3 k7 G+ o/ X- `- QBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…   @* ]& c" E( i; j. F% _Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） / u: E" l& n0 r死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 * i& e/ r& Y. _# E2 U2 sHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 ) h1 r/ H9 z" z$ T6 g& tHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． / q( f- T0 a" d* t, D+ V警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。   u9 M# m; P! ?; G) L9 oLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 5 ?3 @4 K7 [$ c  Z话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 ( N- ?& ~8 P: C) X2 d1 KHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） " J& D9 d% U4 s+ w( s& iWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? $ S# B! c6 ]+ B, {5 ?9 C+ |& h$ M- WWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） 8 I/ r* r! U- gWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） - D4 j+ T% x; C+ N4 UHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） ( Z) w2 b- @, G- p1 c1 ?$ o( v7 gWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） : [( I) T4 b) T2 _( U  h- L8 c（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** - v9 H6 e9 Y. {( |8 D总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……