《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 3 g/ C7 p4 }4 O*********** 9 D3 @5 a& d; A( `! G$ x( I1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） 8 n+ S% G6 p0 x8 {# Q5 Z9 }9 vHolmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） $ ~8 s6 t+ f9 L5 W( q" u+ A  L: RHolmes: Knew I forgot something. 4 M5 D3 Z, P1 |  oWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） 4 n( ]  n' \% X  Q+ C" z7 ZHolmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． / N! L  ?- X2 S' C1 `1 i) K$ Y宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. 3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 3 K- v/ p& S6 y4 u5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 ( N1 I! X: S1 P% f$ uWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 1 g1 u! j5 d0 O: z: F: ]& Y2 x3 Z- e6． 1 ^" ?: C1 h+ x: _Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7． 7 r. W; m4 y9 K4 T) R: UBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 ( o" e2 }% }5 A- y, ]8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） 7 I: f- F, p! N8 J* pIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． $ T8 s  f) s- W/ H5 BIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 6 c& V; A2 L! N) }$ X7 K路人警官Clarky上场。 ' ?: k0 z# a% D+ h- _7 UClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 . {: F" ?- a% A& Y# k$ K5 eWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. # G  }& r% D3 R( q; x; g10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） ) m4 ~* u0 l4 e4 qHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. . e! z" j7 x2 VWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） ( V2 x7 [; k% q0 D11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） & X* o4 L( q+ d* Y- r) }( CBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 ) Q5 R) h- ]8 f* d( N- V9 |" SHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. * _& d6 Y! i$ M13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 4 P" ]& F/ ]; j$ j! [) G话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） % e" h) E) [9 x4 F# {# tWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） 7 [! R( D, T" V+ NMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? 6 V9 ?# ]$ J+ S( J- V. f% D  OWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） , E7 I8 [4 g1 c0 J+ h7 c1 oWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） 2 _, P. I3 F! D5 I, e& v+ r& lHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） ( `! g. p/ ^* Y5 X+ TMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） , l: ?' u. x' S*********** ' [& w+ @) ^5 `) s( ^& F3 j& H/ z总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……