《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 9 }' t- S; [! T( a" LWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） $ s5 l. y/ U  l4 bHolmes: I just picked it up. ) |0 S3 o6 p0 c) X; C! M  ZWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. . \. _0 C% r2 P& `- u2 `Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. $ D1 M; x$ O! X* \. R0 ^（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） $ H' K# W6 y$ w0 m" L3 |Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. " j* a9 ^+ Z) \! I) g* l9 [2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 % @/ {. w' g* Q2 \$ t" S6 M' @4 PWatson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. 3. 7 j* J4 \  V2 s8 J3 l8 Q; o  y晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． $ I% n( w2 V- y7 F3 oWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 * ~5 ~# j$ |4 f" v8 ]1 ~) y8 VWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 # r5 b& X, L. p. {4 R; m7． / I( K0 Y5 s3 M3 }% {' ZBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 4 z0 b9 ?7 E% [. a# x* a  S+ L0 l5 X8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） + ?# F9 ^. K& ^7 s$ m, {Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? 5 ]* c" o; I0 zHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 5 B2 A! A$ w( u, x/ L9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） + U# f- @1 P0 F* {4 GWatson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. & r, b' C" \5 ?# J2 F. J) HWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 1 ^5 D2 m: B2 `1 p1 i路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. 4 a4 |) x8 B! F* P, v% R3 Z" F8 ~Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 2 x: ^" H2 w* a% f# r$ n得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. & h) W1 h  p7 o: U" Z/ ?2 d10. # G. j& z, q2 r) _: M: C% N' }$ @# H墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） 4 G' @' c" h1 M0 W- }, m$ [Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. 8 o1 L1 F8 y/ UWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． + d6 ~# g7 P* l% p- N6 A# x( Z河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 " L6 @' o+ \' ~: u- J6 S5 Y: AHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 5 s' ?0 k5 x6 E; o/ R12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 0 A  v" _: O% g( f3 X: v7 e4 D( ~1 U接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 9 i' i! P. K* x! Z( k话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） ' D9 U/ E: Z+ m. J; lMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）   Z7 y' w- b+ }7 A/ ~' D# {Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） / G8 l& Y  M  d* E: P) i! F8 }% g8 [Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） $ M" ?) d9 t- y. l' C4 XWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）   P1 C* l) i1 b7 ]) w8 F1 m+ eMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） ' B* `( x: {5 B1 s（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） * |; g* o4 h% |! g( Y*********** 6 [# q- V( `9 I- y6 m5 s) y总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……