《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 1 q1 @+ A4 a3 O. f1 A. JWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） # p9 h6 i- _. q, M7 I3 k1 DHolmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） 7 P- X. M9 ?$ `3 fHolmes: You did. 8 R; x- _* P8 c- }- E& o+ Z& k: T（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） % V. _6 I0 _% w" k* W9 iHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.   v1 F+ B+ @- i! N5 k2． ( Q* l) f2 U2 i3 ^( b& W% L  Q宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 6 {2 w/ Q/ X- oWatson: Permission to enter the armory. ( p  f1 L3 X; Z4 y. h5 \Holmes: Granted. 3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 / ~9 a  u! A: h0 A3 SWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． ; z- T' y$ k" `+ a2 o拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． % ^9 Q- E5 O! }8 vWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） # d- D! t7 Y; t6． 9 ^" x5 e9 u% [0 `( I4 KHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 ( o. ^9 H- R6 z7 t* k( Z4 U- I7． * J" f( f% i( b3 qBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 , x- f2 j4 {& K: p0 V% k2 k" y8． ! t3 x# d, F' x+ Y6 j/ @( C9 kIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） 1 C% q$ S# W; c% ^4 M+ L* m: ~Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? 4 a. \, O* i& Q7 s  _, CHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） 9 ^4 p/ m. M  pIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． " v# W$ ?! M+ O2 s2 y7 g9 BIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 : `( E9 l" x4 c5 N0 d' \Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. . y0 F- Z% S3 m( H5 FHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 & U7 k0 c; Q1 V. b* E% J5 {Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? ; {- b% M2 x. K0 yHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. $ C7 S9 a1 h, B  L10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） 2 r0 I& a& \" g1 P( K$ ]Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. % z5 z/ R, Z$ i8 U  K  I, Z, fWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）   ?3 `/ u: B2 |, \! ^0 p3 z0 H11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） 8 a' u5 ?/ }' P" F8 R& eBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… * Y2 L4 r* {; B. }% AWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） " L! T# C7 N0 ~% C12． # L# i/ K: L% D- T6 A# R6 p- g警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 % ~3 f& P9 v; U5 p/ bLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. ! T2 i# C( }6 ?% t13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） 3 W( p. V" Q8 N0 nWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） ) d+ g) E; s, y9 G8 vHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? % K# ]2 D. V0 P$ fWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） 5 P9 ?9 ^! [9 g; `- FWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） ( D' k: `3 E/ z. V& o& b8 |Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） 9 Z1 z/ O: ~, u  WMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） # g/ P  H& P7 ~  Y（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） ; n7 j0 r5 ^  L*********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……