《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 2 x+ |. T- {% P  h& S( {/ W*********** $ J6 _5 F# _% I% F8 W7 a1． ; \. I1 m9 Q+ R/ x9 }影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. 1 }: Z/ M* n; @9 H+ ^$ z7 BWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） , F7 ?% ?) T; _) ~Holmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） 0 ^5 u& w* w) l4 O% t" M; v2 XHolmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） 7 F7 G  E  u; }3 Y# _Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. # i# G- ]6 J* ~7 Q* v; b5 a3 x: OHolmes: Granted. 3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． * e" E" T) L) s' T( b' p拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． 4 n# S- ^/ h: Q; ~2 |3 {Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 * y9 k: @2 K) j6 p! V; D) Z$ |: \/ ]/ uWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） " R+ L/ B- d+ c3 H9 w8 Z6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 8 z9 T* o: x3 ~: A( {4 D7． Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 ! g+ [5 N; J+ a- Y+ C9 z8． " f1 `5 V' A, L( c+ h; DIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。   ?( ?0 j- f; d* X（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） ' E0 ]; j1 |' d4 p; bIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 2 k7 B/ a* p: ^. ?0 j9． - a; ~; I% {3 s5 ]4 w5 S: y9 EIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 $ w  z4 O  z% t3 R% a. t: NHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. ! J8 A: F0 w& VHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. - L- z$ l& f+ w3 x' a, p( }Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. + F9 k7 n, F2 _, g9 K8 A( ^  Z路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? 5 G8 ]6 Y+ c, z4 ?3 W/ p5 PHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. 4 ]7 o2 m2 i, a" M: C7 r墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） 2 {: Y" @2 A( t# Z4 nBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 5 i- h+ U- W# D# @! l$ _Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） ! x& K5 p) b) T# d5 r) s4 u5 `12．   t$ {  H3 ^/ j# q, |8 M警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 8 d: J0 l7 |  }& ?: u; c# R- d9 _13. / E# V; }  r" u5 ?5 V接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） + @4 u9 J- m3 N& DWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） & r  u6 c6 \0 ]( y( R  zMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） & \0 j2 j) O0 `& ~5 E  [Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） # Y& `+ z. F% d- |" ^* Z0 OWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） : Y, Y/ h8 O# P8 Q7 _（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……