《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 % J0 Z3 ]% G. I; @! o+ G*********** 7 t; ]  x6 E( c' \, B1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 2 V9 X3 {3 `$ B2 _Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） 4 Y" i- t6 S' D) W- kHolmes: Knew I forgot something. 6 j0 L3 V0 o- b+ l! S5 S+ tWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） # C- G2 o* u0 j* dHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. ; T8 ~6 I! ]. V4 B2． ( z) f+ o4 P, z3 n" i宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. 3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． $ @8 T% W, N. T0 U- QWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7． ; W* g$ o. O+ o6 Q6 R1 EBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 " M1 m. a) b% `/ S! ?# Z+ U$ Y8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 % w3 K4 L  A, J, C  {% B（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. ! w5 K$ k9 N: r5 B- N. c9． 4 l+ p) h* D; a3 kIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. 3 V! r6 B! r) J1 O+ f6 k8 M, GHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. ! R  O! B! I5 V  F. PWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 8 s7 o3 J( I; H' x. W$ q9 H路人警官Clarky上场。 - ^  ]7 y3 B# v3 o. N& U3 pClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. ; G+ m% x" f$ R5 \) r" l8 V! ]6 pHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 1 X3 R5 y* Z- M/ A6 XWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. / L1 p6 g+ {7 ?( P/ g' j10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 " Q& G5 z6 c. @1 F/ X（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） $ d) ]7 |$ E/ D# c) FHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. ) ^0 ?  [& m6 }) ]. GWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） # L0 I: W6 h1 _% L+ Q. y11． / U1 ^' V* M# _. ?河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 7 U# _- Z4 I9 A: |) K, yHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… - S1 u0 x1 P, n+ T3 N, J% kWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 8 ?- d' j# f% }% {2 x死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 ! z$ u0 g' x! {7 B' d0 H6 ^Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 7 n7 A( P' |' D, C5 G7 q12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 6 T' j4 H& ]& C+ S- m13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 6 f3 l! y7 J" g, R% jHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） 3 G% ], }9 r& RWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）   b9 W& I$ G2 V" RMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? 2 B' H0 m% L' E4 `Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） % ~4 a5 J3 e, A+ H  X3 }5 y, R7 i* eHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） , m) A8 a( h* p1 r; d+ c/ L5 zMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） " D# m& _7 h9 N0 h6 p1 F（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** + w# m9 R. b# b$ L总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……