《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． " R/ U6 S! W0 G, U, U  a% x影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 8 ]# R5 C0 }! }$ g& D, ^  XWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） " ^6 g  U) a& tHolmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. % G+ B; {1 {) R) `Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 4 I; M" k5 e7 y0 N  H2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 & ]9 o" t4 q" r( n1 N9 RWatson: Permission to enter the armory. 9 U0 _4 o- C' L/ c! g0 V& Q8 {Holmes: Granted. ! m- b. {, J8 v# e2 P3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 5 z; b2 ~, O; y, N6 H* ?4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． ) t; X8 C4 W& F8 BWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 1 t7 s8 Q5 q# XWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 2 V* p0 X) l% b! @7． Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 + ~( a& T% ^& @3 j2 X5 ^! K- J（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?   I' M: D/ y# L: m1 }  Y9 \! fHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） 3 t1 C- w0 f9 K  L1 J! Z9 L0 z9 b1 QIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． % O. ^+ X' E( w+ q8 K2 L5 @( pIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. / d' A+ D! `4 X% qHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. * V8 Q- d4 c& D2 k/ h路人警官Clarky上场。 7 W$ X' F" Q# n, l) C/ L- W8 uClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 * r1 d4 T, j# }/ a4 g3 OWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? - f( d, I0 S  v; Y% O5 dHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. # F  Q2 p/ O' h1 m# A$ A墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。   P- ?2 O8 t; v1 }, q& S（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. 9 O- ^" t$ Y# W( k/ h7 {Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） # m! y' g' Z! v  g: `* o11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… 3 V, J3 ^% l; p& r( KWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 0 q/ N  P( S" O% h0 E! j死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 # F- Y' J2 e* ^- i! c+ MHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） # V. L6 ?) z7 N2 `3 i# ^8 |后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 ; x# u) k( g- T7 @- G3 N" C5 V# KHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） # c) L; J; [6 ~5 B" f% ~12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 ( u  V  P* ^/ v) M3 \" LLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 1 L) y% N: w! C) [. s4 n& V4 |13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 ; r6 A8 z: `9 `2 k$ \  X话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） 0 Z. b9 v, P6 TMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） / u5 Z# z- b/ m1 v( LHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） 9 ?7 j" q% c/ F9 |5 \6 VWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） - J- M/ t) u. V; h+ s! z（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……