《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） ) }5 ]9 e# r1 f* N+ f4 w' NHolmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） # F" W1 \; E- ~5 Y" U9 x1 k% UHolmes: Knew I forgot something. 7 O' W, v3 D- q6 j/ EWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） 6 ^1 w( ~5 a$ V' e) Q5 [' \3 R' RHolmes: You did. ! S5 O2 f3 r) X+ ^% O! e8 {1 B1 E（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 9 ~  M* g+ T6 J6 f  M2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 $ l8 _4 P; I7 s, d2 gWatson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. 8 U1 F& _/ _( i, Q# W- D, ]3. ( m" S+ r! P+ ^晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 , G  Q' M  |5 Z3 o' F$ [: W' KWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． , J* v2 P0 g$ o) B" n* ]拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． " p7 L: D$ `9 NWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） . R5 A3 w  t# Z) p  Y6． , n% D5 P; x/ k: a& G# zHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 ; _8 ?' |! _5 g7． 2 m6 }( y7 k) [" d+ b$ }Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 * R9 M3 r, l0 I  ^$ ^! i0 l0 n# v5 i（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. % @% a& D) W8 l6 k! \9 g9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） ( R; ]4 s2 K4 K9 C' BWatson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. + x& b: K2 A+ W  W  n% |1 kWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） - }4 d$ @. z0 ^# C5 j得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. 3 s' g# G% X( z6 k墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. 9 P# R* R; U* O9 q2 p9 [* yWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 7 C% B4 b+ k8 M* |% ?5 x1 `河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）   U( ~& r7 J9 r% O  i4 @' `# ^Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… ; x! Y, C" S/ JWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 1 B# x: g& J0 W, t8 b1 Z后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 + p  j7 m- w: DHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. ' u# \8 `0 d  N' J9 p9 \13. * {0 K' l) e% G0 E1 E接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 3 G0 J7 |3 I& D8 CHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） : X, ?( K+ Q0 A  L- qMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? 2 [- z* b4 _3 J4 XWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） 0 }+ q4 e0 S. N% uWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） ( s( N# ]# ~. h" iHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） 0 ^5 d' A' |, a5 E! ]Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） 0 G5 H& T' A6 |Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） 1 K8 q" O$ s# \% R$ I（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） + h! t* r( t8 n# E0 k0 i*********** ) \5 K4 e" v- e# ~3 n3 I总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……