《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 + ?" m9 n0 K7 B% f. `0 k* V$ T* EWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）   a4 L* Q( s* J9 |6 t9 ^Holmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. & E% O2 M8 V7 V/ M（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 5 |4 h+ M5 g/ y& r% L, `- ]+ ?" x2． 6 [' w8 H3 A5 v6 {' s/ S宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. / {5 K  y' E4 Q7 A! s  KHolmes: Granted. + V; G3 y/ P8 D  W8 Y: h% F3. , ~. x0 ?* d7 o2 K晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 ! x/ ]3 o: M9 D9 Q3 bWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） , Z3 x1 s( K% o) m5 I. f4． 0 ~; `. s: e$ m5 ?, C拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 ' t% {. ~, q- A+ p  i( m: w6 x5． 6 Z1 g# L% U" A. |, jWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 6 |1 `  C+ |* t( }' y# HWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 0 N' a1 P) j4 E( ?5 g& t6． : D3 \+ r/ o+ U3 U' a2 EHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7． ; [8 q! Y8 N' m$ xBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8 o" K4 j. _7 r# T8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） 5 _8 X# `9 Z9 W: F$ k; d  u0 yIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? 0 p7 o7 J: N. m6 |Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． 5 L2 M; ?/ i5 l0 YIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 ' `* R) m! j& n) L( aHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） + w& ]! Q& _) U7 w1 {! f: mWatson: Get that out of my face. ) U! s3 N: B' J, m+ G+ NHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. & x9 z/ _" E3 N; f' F1 i* `路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 3 v/ ?# f+ G6 `1 N& J, }  R# b$ \得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 % A$ d' W0 u7 I8 T9 c, {. xWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? # [9 h& `% k4 q2 E/ I5 R( D" AHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. ! O" n1 {- ^, Q. y- }: C10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 ) B: u! J9 R+ o; h1 j, @% E6 c（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） & w) |& J! ~0 p6 P( u! e% ZHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… 3 R6 K8 G( T  \& u& w2 Y4 AWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） : i6 a0 [# |# b6 c0 L$ W: ?5 x死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 . y5 ?; o0 L9 o+ J* E3 m2 PHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 0 v5 S2 B* x, a# N# J8 dHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 1 M  v. j) s; J9 J12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 ! C8 x. D# d  B# C话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? " e, v. G3 O- A! F; R* VWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） , J) P4 v8 ~; e7 S$ R1 v# lHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） ! c; a  f8 b2 X+ j9 t' U6 PWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） 1 Z* L4 h( k+ Z2 qWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……