《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 . B- ~9 R/ h' y# E) b: ~* ^- h2 n: c*********** 1． % Q5 e9 i8 L7 j+ t, [影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. 8 w, h( x  C) F4 C' k0 QWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） ' u- }! S4 Y& t4 e2 K5 ^Holmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） : ~2 B4 Q& F6 ~+ f7 ^+ r4 ~Holmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 1 o3 B( L- Y  C  n2． 9 ]) B2 A  b% L8 [* s4 V宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 ( A6 }. W, C! MWatson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. 3 N  \% H  N  U* R" V7 |3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 ! S+ C  K: _' e( RWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． ( S% B$ Y0 E3 k$ R6 v3 `拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 ; d' X2 S0 s/ e6 |3 O" t% ]5． , l8 C7 P4 n2 d% XWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 % K6 u- V$ U+ M$ K+ BWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） ( d* b1 ~7 v$ o" q4 s+ n6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7． 6 x& v) B( c' ZBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 5 V7 e7 D- _4 Y$ Y' A1 a8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 ) W& E2 P. S  |  x（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） ! a$ Z8 i9 v" M+ M0 [Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? / ^+ Z8 b1 D8 U/ ]8 GHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. / N3 \1 i* {4 Y% ^2 w% q9． , s& ~8 j, M3 p5 V5 P  v$ o* xIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 ' i0 C+ o! ~" _2 B2 q( F+ u; gHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） . [' Q7 \  w* ~4 e$ K% D, LWatson: Get that out of my face. 1 E( Q( U9 g' P5 _( j  g% X/ ^Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. / m, V" c. X6 wWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. + A2 t$ Z2 H, n7 S路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? ' N+ v/ a) G' H. rHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 7 D/ k% ?5 V6 v2 {10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 9 ^( G& }  ^) G* d4 m  \' T; G( u（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） , n" ^0 D' T% U0 uHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 9 o0 d# h, {% Z河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 + k7 |7 ?; I( g! N% A! kHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…   ]; f) o# _% b2 _  l0 h! ]4 eWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 5 J  Y! d5 g& @( R, `" U死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）   `& K- A& r  a3 w/ C4 k1 R* V5 ^后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． 2 I1 c! n; V+ u$ C警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 & t! K2 j; i9 E. U! ^* BLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. : H! t' L( r2 j接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 ( |6 X3 Z3 E5 r/ y话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） " s0 v5 V% T/ LMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? ) H8 n4 K" S8 k( zWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） - x+ p# M8 l, l+ ?Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） 2 N: \: n( W) }3 }3 F1 VWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） 2 D( \9 g' R! [0 `; ?7 w5 uWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** & r. w4 A& C, I总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……