《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** $ ?/ r( O. i7 F" I/ W' Y* ]/ M1． 4 B  r9 }/ M( L* z4 |4 _( G. a影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 7 a- Q/ P( g9 Z$ Y& IWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. : E* r7 U$ |& t0 WWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）   L$ M5 r; \0 J" f* M+ M% M* ?Holmes: Knew I forgot something. 6 k9 |2 h9 k( O1 L9 dWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. # ?4 S4 @& k% a5 @（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） " `* _) D' N, w. P! kHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. - T, n8 x& }9 N& k$ BHolmes: Granted. 7 w/ @4 Q3 ~) |; Z2 x, J6 L3 k3. . l7 f, D$ j3 j  V晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． - [0 Y8 Z+ k$ R& K拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 * p& b+ i4 G5 A6 x2 t; o  q5． , D, m! o: v1 `4 `1 j1 hWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 8 r2 L  O* C4 t; S3 ZWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 8 z' e+ `  h2 f: |' t- j1 S# k6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 ' y7 f7 y( s6 s0 E* Y! X% L7． 6 }( S- [2 a% HBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 9 ~8 V7 }7 F9 u8 ^- c3 B; E8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） + }8 c" Y& i" z7 w$ ^% cIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 & t8 ?/ j; e; d$ e* MHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. ! w  k, j/ g9 A! z' G$ HHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. & [* h  |6 y( f7 V% P路人警官Clarky上场。 % ?; B6 O/ L/ N4 E) v- y- wClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 5 z3 f5 h( T8 C4 A5 k( b. {' s得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? + Q  l% a8 X8 c4 D+ S& dHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.   a* q# N5 ?) }10. * G) j+ U" T; a墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 9 |3 p+ M, n4 H. s8 C0 [7 Y（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） % l$ n- P1 g( q6 mHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 5 F6 A) `6 j8 F' {4 A% {  o5 B1 \河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… 6 p0 y! C% {* K- j2 ]' X9 JWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） ) f: }+ o/ t& a1 [, ^3 [: O0 o死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 : a7 d" P  a/ ?4 k' O0 i& @Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 3 r, e- ~7 C% c( l3 b0 ]Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. " Q% g* W) T6 o, U, E, b2 |( U13. " l  U$ R# ^6 m+ ?& x4 @接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） ( H8 d5 S  j9 fWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） # d2 E4 z. F4 ^# Q$ vMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? 9 m) L7 l4 N$ i1 J2 Q3 sWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） & H6 G+ @5 B( FHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） % w8 A8 A+ d) I9 c$ QWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……