《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 5 s+ n, c+ d& r' h( t影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 0 J+ s- Z4 x  YWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. * f! A% h0 T: A$ L' [Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） + X& J9 r% `% }% x( o5 B0 {Holmes: Knew I forgot something. ! B' ]( c7 ^- q8 f7 v: h: DWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） 3 T2 x5 i3 K# z8 zHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. . f! V5 G7 o/ N& u2． * [" g8 _0 K* r3 }0 h, X宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. ' d$ z, [$ `5 D  s+ `: W- jHolmes: Granted. 3. + d" Q' ^3 P  t晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 3 s+ }4 k3 S; y, D3 ~3 q5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 ( E  q8 s' s4 ~. `0 e4 tWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） : D/ X, f! s1 g6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7 Y) r' _8 S9 R- G/ C; m7． Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 * V) D( W5 E' o* d. x% y8． ; b  @" a2 l: y* H- d7 X8 AIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?   l) I/ G/ Z7 J/ q( rHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. - q! {4 I! |7 W/ }3 E2 t& A# d7 zHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. ' J% ]0 _- y' ?3 y. ?' }$ U. r* Q  i路人警官Clarky上场。 + H6 r0 J$ p! t$ n) s+ M  _Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） + ^7 y$ g4 p& c1 k( M) }( m得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 4 c8 C4 p% Z% C- X+ }2 l: |Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? ( b: x5 w9 `/ N/ @& a+ VHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. - @1 Z+ x8 ?' m$ G; Y/ r10. 0 d1 m9 M& W/ H0 U7 l" u+ [; S7 s墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） + K& D& B$ G6 l% F, `* k3 kHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. 1 S) ~2 N" ?$ D( FWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 7 [# U1 J9 r# K5 x* k, a+ k8 P河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 ! ?; D, c. p8 R$ F0 |- v2 E2 bHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）   A8 u( ], U* r* O4 ^4 ?( @" yBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 ; b2 q5 [$ f5 w/ }Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） : A8 {  s7 e4 v' T& {2 {# U! E后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 / T% \( y% {6 v( v8 F2 uHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） ' S$ l/ g7 n7 ^: @0 F12． ; r8 U6 h7 ^) o* F! Z* J: I: v; T9 J$ ]" q警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 % T$ M8 S9 O6 \  O# H" |+ wLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 & ~: K4 G0 E7 B% D/ ~话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） : a$ r( {% c( p( v+ jWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） ' ~) W( Q7 {2 ~: e4 BMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） & c/ E9 V, U: x9 |* H. e  E: ^! ^Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） ; w6 ]: ]$ ?. {' ^# D. D! G9 rHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……