《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 5 n; p' C: Q' J. s*********** 6 U7 ?& S! R( }/ c6 l. U$ y6 N1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 # H; K; ?9 _8 D+ U" IWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） # Z' Z1 d" U  x$ _& ~Holmes: I just picked it up. / P# h3 C8 Q( w! |Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. ; g' F* y  r3 q' _Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） - H" \! Q1 k, e4 FHolmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 5 t3 v9 }4 B$ V$ n2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 , I3 f% V# T2 \: kWatson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. " \& a4 K& I$ O/ e1 C$ t/ x. g3. ( W& a( Y% {4 H0 v0 S  X" A0 n晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5 b/ o, W% D7 I' U: e( {) n7 T/ X9 g5．   T4 n' \; \4 e; B4 x6 h% R- N4 b( FWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 & |1 U  c* b9 f/ p% Q& N; c  pWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） $ N; R6 [" a( H9 H6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7． 1 ]& e* m" M0 B/ Z6 Y$ D- B- H! vBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 4 T. s2 e9 B; {0 D' h& }8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。   D0 m/ I7 Q) W# G- V5 F（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） 7 B7 W5 k( F' U9 A5 j8 lIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 . h( Q% Q5 E8 C! I! p3 IHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） ! O- `& Z- O  _  Y8 z0 `. l4 ~Watson: Get that out of my face. / p" u! l6 G' }  D1 T9 {3 T+ e4 gHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. 8 B2 F/ q5 j! E  _4 mWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.   O+ i. ]4 i1 b8 T6 X& d路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. # T0 u+ Z8 D4 v. iHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 3 N3 E+ I3 k9 P% b1 }% k: AWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? $ g5 h: o' q. t+ y0 P: e6 zHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. ) {: ~5 ]9 \+ @$ r* |; Z% D10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） , J. ^/ s/ o# b' u/ r0 Y# m8 P) CHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. ! g; `! I+ x: V! E" |5 p1 QWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． & _1 c2 N5 T- K河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 , c: [6 [9 m* B; q/ y6 P, XHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… 4 ~% N9 F/ w+ P6 s+ |8 T, pWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） ' c" w& Z1 ^6 x* o3 A死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 8 r+ `( G+ S! B$ yLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 2 G$ k) c4 L: t$ M. U7 w话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） , _) r/ e( H4 f/ U7 N% @( OWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） 6 m: ?2 G' O- ~9 l3 B. eHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? ( f: p. R( ~1 zWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） # B$ _, ~7 m3 H( C5 j8 d$ rHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** ! K; U) ?. f* I7 }, A: S- Q/ S总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……