《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 8 H5 b* J, O* z$ b+ G*********** * V7 }* ?' l  R: d, N1． - C8 B6 v. X6 f& {影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） 2 Z% n& K0 V+ Q* {9 p; ZHolmes: I just picked it up. Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something.   o/ D. p/ N  @; Y; L$ b- q# BWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） . J: @. q0 a1 x/ ^/ S- k& Y  n- a5 yHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. - H1 F; f" M2 E% s' m2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 ) d7 z( W+ R- C( o: A$ \* }5 s5 c1 `Watson: Permission to enter the armory. 0 S, V9 u8 n. xHolmes: Granted. 6 R3 k  e- U8 H6 v; r+ H5 n3. * v3 ]# W8 Z$ A5 \) {晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 3 s$ I1 Y% `. hWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 % @* R# d2 \" j+ t5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 ' ?9 x, ]/ t6 d8 a3 s& FWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7 v1 S2 c# \8 e/ w. x7． Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） # _8 z$ z* `+ U# Q8 JIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． 6 o  W& c0 j& ~3 J9 b: Y. ?" S! rIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 . k& `' }- o/ V( Y% uHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. . q( ^* m, n$ q& s/ _. SHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. - D2 y/ o* V) k6 e- {) ?Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. 7 t) h6 S6 T) F- Y0 Y9 a墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. 6 o6 v9 K* \5 PWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 5 g" }; ~; z" f; w5 h5 v- x5 v河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） 7 i% R7 D4 O: s, mBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… 4 {/ R( W' C4 ?# Z) H  _Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 - Y% d, e; l5 DHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） # V. u8 J' ~7 p5 c* Y* r/ B: ]12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. . \# ?& t) R$ y; D1 }) V5 h+ n接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 : _3 p5 B- c  m7 A  O- `7 ~话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 7 o3 ]3 [( P, L& T8 A3 U6 z3 ]Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） * F- N& V1 U5 T# W+ DWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） 7 w- n# O7 [5 l# ~: r+ fHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） ! @: O. y0 c) gMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? 6 u8 u& o4 m1 b" zWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） / t3 I- s# H! Y' `% CHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） ; o. k7 W2 _2 R# @3 WWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） $ ?5 l: M* s0 K* ]/ U（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） . t  _) \/ K' r" M  K*********** * G# E9 \+ J8 J, \* o- z总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……