《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** ( H3 @. t# O$ }) q$ o' H) w1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） ( `  h5 `. K) o. ^; aHolmes: I just picked it up. $ P3 c6 c6 k# nWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） 3 e* F: `% d- f0 _. }, cHolmes: You did.   Z! I+ m& h' v4 F7 V（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 7 Y" ]( T4 a. Q1 e2． 3 P0 y2 j6 B' z( ]) C* w宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 - F' s  B1 q6 a8 gWatson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. 9 v& g* m* G5 }( A6 X! y3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 # X  @4 {$ n* l2 Q3 N* o: jWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） - e5 S# T6 |  z1 S4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 $ x/ y% J- G6 |2 [' D1 IWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 5 T0 t8 O% X6 D5 x9 I7． ! {# C) j7 W  P' D; f0 @$ VBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 5 ~0 W! t, j- h: f- I0 p! x8． & m1 q' }' K) {8 m7 gIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 8 x+ m* D! [) W! ^（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?   G4 u% Z2 f8 Y: U* c7 J  U1 xHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） , z" d1 b( [$ ~7 t2 QIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. $ K* R) _  J$ A, H* e* v路人警官Clarky上场。 0 D0 C% e" y' q  ^0 aClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. 7 R0 |- N' _) |9 o4 C3 G0 O: L墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） ( o0 ^- v) S5 H, V; f- n% z/ }/ o; eHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 1 `( P9 [/ P! A% \+ a- U. G; \, X- @11． ( B% r/ o4 h+ @; {" r3 N' @河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 8 ~& m' g; a0 W5 y; J; O. Z9 M  _  cHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） " E7 M( O/ `& G9 A* SBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…   ]/ s& Q/ |$ M8 q- QWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 6 _) P$ s& {+ v- g$ H! UHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 9 i- y% _: ^; c, o0 I: r. J12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 - U/ l1 y5 {1 {Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. * ~$ j, d7 v% Q13. 3 m) W5 \& a* w) }; S# r2 K2 [接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 7 A6 c; c  h+ W) r, b% M话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） : T: d( F0 |- ~Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） / q+ ?# O, `- A& ^Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） 9 o" [5 A4 a& f- sWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** $ t- b8 E+ g  @1 ~总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……