《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 6 q" Q* P' l' r- I*********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 $ l4 T& ~6 M. m; C+ L: UWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. . T0 w6 r8 j# J" ]; i% w5 kWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） / s, ~7 A0 x3 b1 m/ k8 P* M8 ^Holmes: Knew I forgot something. , c4 W6 f' r2 c9 ZWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. * V7 N* |& w  B$ q（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. - O! `+ j6 w$ Z; f3. % w3 ?) ?* y, f晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 * F$ A  n6 }3 t0 wWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． + j/ q5 |7 x3 t拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 # N6 R1 g/ d5 R4 f3 [9 Y5． " l6 x" T2 X0 R7 iWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 8 F1 ]4 J% _9 v8 P9 I3 ~9 ?: GWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 2 Q8 w) c3 {. k, a, |) y, A5 J# M/ \6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 : R& J) o* T6 p- O6 s  d7． 1 k# T: G" p. B$ y+ j6 p% u( nBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 % X, @* O) F9 T# Y3 @/ |* ~8 U8． 1 o6 B6 ]% }3 t9 dIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 7 p+ {# E' \% p1 n# g（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 . L1 ]  C' x0 X5 ]Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. 3 g4 D" m' ^- k. i5 {) Z$ ^Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 + D2 {% `. L  |$ j1 G2 u8 ?Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） * i  p0 K7 H' Q  C& M7 \得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 ! v' M& M# i. o1 P4 hWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10.   l* u, k, @/ u  N) a5 a: a墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. ' v" Q# i  U/ j- {" kWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 8 x: S4 q9 T, x! N6 U9 f河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） 9 h0 V& O( Y# C# G* jBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… . r( x( n: `# Q! o! F* aWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 ! M" H/ s9 L8 @: Z, DHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 ( W. ~  h/ P) H2 g. @Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） - C5 o9 g( s- V/ @12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 4 f8 ^7 o+ F; G' w5 LLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.   ^- i+ f1 ~% X- p' [  i13. 9 L+ h. ]) G; G" D2 e; X; l接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） ) H4 t4 ]5 y* z6 m; @0 \, I3 XHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） " a  ]' H4 F9 y. }! SMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? % I/ v, C& R2 N6 E+ ]- p0 F8 D. qWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……