《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 5 D0 f7 i; h3 j& G8 J: G8 C1． # T0 h" i0 G7 L( s# |影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 $ j! S2 T: Z! @1 w/ b! n4 \+ WWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） $ U. n+ E6 p, O  S4 dHolmes: I just picked it up. " B6 y7 ?" X9 g( a; ^Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. : C2 z: B' q8 }/ W0 p8 pWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） 9 c) J# ~0 e  E) V& DHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. ! c7 O* l+ O; C  n5 o& r  t2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 0 [3 }& D3 }' X  h1 AWatson: Permission to enter the armory. / D" {, j; l5 _9 NHolmes: Granted. 3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 2 k1 t9 [7 f% I7 z% dWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 7 d) e  \( F6 M6 n0 {. a5 l( Y6． # W! @& \0 o1 U7 k; dHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 , ]* g" ?9 M5 i4 p7． $ s! e2 g) T) H5 r& rBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8 ^/ l6 T5 o, i8 P& y+ n8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） % f! q) P: n; G) ~5 DIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 $ r  @+ i/ E8 \, _) r& _& r3 hHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） , I% B" t0 P, L3 u7 u/ c& \( OWatson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. $ _7 M/ F6 P0 Q& I/ s6 vWatson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 6 O! B! K, {, Q2 q$ Z# P路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） " H% G3 C# d2 W1 K( S9 v. O得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. + ?& Z7 F+ R4 q6 c, P' r' y3 p墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 7 m& x  J2 d. w0 b6 W8 s- y（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. : w" [0 N  Q; E6 m; v( c2 y+ s4 cWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 0 _: C1 N! m, X$ J/ R( OHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） / Z/ r" u* F  HBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… & `+ b: m# o4 {( iWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 2 M6 {% F% ^$ B4 c- }9 a死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 " X6 E; r) p, N4 y% K; ?Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． $ A* t! l1 I$ m( o$ L警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. & G) r+ y5 v# a( k: n接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 * A* X4 ]& s! m! |# p  e# p. _+ {Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） , X3 J0 _: X$ T. m1 ~Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? : V/ W1 }" h( N# f+ QWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） : _8 Y* `$ e# F$ C! O( z. v- mHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……