《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** ( w# A9 H8 H9 B! h1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 9 n9 U) ]4 Y: P1 j# b# v: MWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） 8 [8 T$ g* C: `6 X" C8 q5 eHolmes: I just picked it up. 6 }$ k# O: l, B' @Watson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. ) h* B  U  y8 [, l4 [- lWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） 6 C  u3 h$ K, x6 A4 d) zHolmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） " D; S+ m- q4 b2 D6 D! MHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 Watson: Permission to enter the armory. Holmes: Granted. 3. 1 l  L: m$ d# t# X! Q% z# e晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） " U: t$ _. i2 b1 S/ n( p4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． ; p  p$ i( P. i* h2 R  g( H. aWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 ) c" ?3 O5 _& H$ BWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） $ k' K; _7 {. T5 ~4 _6． ; \: d) Q* g: M9 F" G' C2 ZHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 2 _, W1 R  b7 ?8 C3 l; q7． ( h2 t' ^  i0 ]0 ]6 \Blackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 8． * j9 S* U) C  P7 ?# m- ]; _Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 （Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） Irene: Why are you always so suspicious? * q$ ~" g  c! ?/ I5 s  l7 n; m: N6 v. LHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． $ V0 z) G% z9 X0 C7 cIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 , q0 W' u7 w+ ~* l3 ?6 k3 KHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） ) R2 U! l3 K5 A4 S: N8 [Watson: Get that out of my face. ; ~8 A5 i' n: G; ZHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 7 F3 X& u! [( j; mWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? , J* D( L6 L/ Q' X" N/ Z( l# }Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. & {& j1 D* G) s- r墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 （Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 4 m. r- c8 E! c河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 ! C' V7 D  v( [; B( U9 }- v( AHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） . T: s! x7 n5 N0 EBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） & L, n# n1 a/ C6 `! Q- k死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 ( }; V5 `9 c2 m8 Q7 pHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 : h$ [2 v: a+ e. }, OHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） ' a' P  t3 O* d2 U0 D" C4 R$ K12． 9 Z4 g& H7 [: F* ^# j) p" L5 E, G警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） ; l1 Y! B% P; j9 C8 l1 S5 mMary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? ' I" |+ T, R- j; h$ R( ^Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） + \6 ~: n" F, G& E8 WHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） * M/ e( ?5 S7 k9 L0 o/ A/ e, {0 YWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） - m+ N4 I: V. @5 n' W* n9 m+ rMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） * K, [) ?6 q% f; ~  ]*********** 1 e( O* v8 k* p/ F( `* X- ^总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……