《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** % K  Q3 b" y' t: T1． - a, D( y% Q% K5 c6 B* `) Z0 s影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. 9 f" z& C1 f4 FWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. 4 g: B: L8 Y4 O6 Y* s' FWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） : m9 r' Y! q2 GHolmes: You did. （注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） % ~/ ^5 v' A2 H6 n  M5 uHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. & M: T- h, i1 x( e5 A, |, C2． 宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 % M% y1 C6 A7 }5 i/ `Watson: Permission to enter the armory. * ]* T+ T2 G0 R6 Z- u: I4 J7 ^! MHolmes: Granted. 3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 1 J' Z% K( x7 G+ R% ?Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）   \! M: V9 i  [- R0 J4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 5． Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 2 Q* H9 g5 d9 Y& p. FWatson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 6． $ ^3 S1 Z7 N* p- v. ^Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 - O  F; E. n- L8 z% R7． : T( E7 o6 r5 @3 X0 ]2 Z% U' {4 vBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 + @% A% P8 k8 l+ p* R8． Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 ! m' H/ a* ]/ Y, `2 ]7 j（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） ; D: y& `0 x9 P% KIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） # W& N' p/ i, M+ f! NIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 9． ' g9 y  p; h/ z/ V: wIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 ( x! j+ z0 a+ h3 zHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） Watson: Get that out of my face. ' @$ U, _0 r# @' I0 EHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once. . h) A6 N6 W+ u, gHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） , ^, C: c; v& ]得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 9 g- I8 ?% z- z2 Y10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 ( P& W. O. G1 I（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） 2 L" V9 w2 [/ V% XHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） * P0 w& l* Q, j8 |11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 " y5 J( l! ?3 O4 AHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。   C8 o, h. c- e2 f+ \Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． 警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 , h, s% Z9 v% \/ w6 s' xLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 8 J" G- k% _7 g2 d7 x13. 接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 6 E3 C" ^& r" r4 h话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 ; ]) h- d2 ^1 {/ J( d- H% l, o& KHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） 3 h  \. p9 e: {- ?0 s! j7 GWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） ; R; H& A0 N. d/ Y# NWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） $ s. I; h. D5 p" h! a, `  IHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） ! [- |( `# b( y* v* \4 T* ]; FWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） ' }  J6 s4 h( N' [8 }. YMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） % H. R7 m3 o5 T1 t! d（Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……