 | |  |  | 没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。(比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。)在这个故事里,没头脑是 Holmes,不高兴是 Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是 gay。
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1.
5 v$ C, d ~! `1 p影片开头, Holmes启动 Combo发大招,从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的 Shrelock和 Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 1 L2 x- |2 S" F( h4 w' h
Watson: I like the hat. (吐糟开始。)
2 @, I0 B- O3 y! X' {$ RHolmes: I just picked it up.
* B2 A7 t! B# `" t+ p* bWatson: You remember your revolver? (显然没有。)
8 z# `( J& M2 D. a! S1 oHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
5 N/ O. Q3 ]4 |& R/ JWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. (吐糟继续。)
# b" ]+ I: A* r1 jHolmes: You did.4 t. A+ ?3 e. K0 H6 h
(注意到 Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子,吐糟。)
! X6 z B1 Q0 @# oHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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宅了 N久的 Holmes在实验手枪消音器(该不会因为 Watson的新欢吧),枪声吓坏了 Watson的新房东和女管家。 Watson敲 Holmes的房门。 5 }, Y2 y2 z$ k2 w5 C5 G
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.
+ G! A. o6 e3 U6 b( X* SHolmes: Granted.
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晚餐桌上,吃醋的 Holmes气走 Watson的未婚妻(女性)后。
$ @ _( O( `& BWatson: Well done, old boy. (潜台词: very mature。) 4 a, n n) n0 J! x* ~
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拳击场那段( Holmes启动 Combo Strike之前)的插曲是 ”Rocky Road to Dublin”,是一首 19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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. e5 n4 g9 T/ F# rWatson带 Holmes去见 Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作,发生在 Watson得知 Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 : a' E* d* ?" R: I" i5 h% z% d
Watson: And what happens if I do this? (掀开瓶子,用手杖敲了敲,把虫子全放跑了。) p* m0 D; m7 o
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E5 |9 W, d9 ~# r2 WHolmes去见 Blackwood时, Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的(好吧,信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的)《约翰默示录》的一章,《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是 Lord忽悠。
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* s. k) A. |# R& z* I# L2 jBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 2 ]/ B! d- T5 x& _) t) g/ t( C, ^, N& Z
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! p9 Z! I& ?! l# \; D' |: YIrene(就是 Holmes仰慕的那个女贼)带着 Moriarty(莫利亚蒂教授,福尔摩斯系列的最终 boss)的委托来见 Holmes。
+ |' {, x" I3 q3 t6 {: A' b: ]( Irene掏信, Holmes惊慌失措) 4 J I( O+ T% n0 B y$ R
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
6 l; `+ z, ~4 UHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? (这次轮到 Holmes不高兴了。) 7 Q; z% I) r9 h( n
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.
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6 b$ f4 J2 d! P! \- kIrene离开, Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后 Watson上场,玩儿命吐糟仰慕 Irene的 Holmes,建议 Holmes远离麻烦( leave the case alone)。 4 s, L. u B. Q! m
Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. (醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着 Watson。)
8 a! b& l6 K1 |8 ^Watson: Get that out of my face.$ [% [5 z2 k* _2 l/ K0 k
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.& W3 v1 F+ T5 _- ~
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.+ P- _- \- P3 J9 h# @% d. V
路人警官 Clarky上场。 1 l- y1 M- ?, \$ o5 d
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.0 T, j+ C- T' P3 `
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. (面对伦敦警察,一种智力的优越感油然而生。) 3 p. ?1 R8 ^9 P) D. G7 ~6 p9 t( |
得知 Blackwood死而复活后, Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。
, P* e" g( S: ]/ EWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?
& W# x5 s7 @# G3 _; w- f2 rHolmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. g. s9 u: U( e
10.
; D$ i& l# {; L4 v% J3 X* t8 a9 b5 m墓地勘查后, Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场,诋毁 Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。 Waston去见未婚妻及父母, Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
2 O2 Q+ j, T% F6 G0 q7 r2 U$ i( Watson一脚踹开 Holmes要撬的门。)
4 s4 y' A( h9 |Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
3 ^0 T* K+ c$ y' EWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. (我们管这叫傲娇。)
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; q: _" |$ s" `) ^! |9 E河边屠宰场, Blackwood装 13地出场后。
7 t0 b% _5 {3 ZHolmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. (吐糟。)
& Q2 Q, B! u' K& H$ ZBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…1 }0 C9 z8 _% s# e8 s/ m' O( X2 I
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. (再吐。) # y# J; ~6 L6 z" C) v3 b' D
死亡机器开动,火焰包围了 Sherck和 Irene。
7 v) F/ Q8 _: o5 tHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson (其实快被烤焦了。) 0 U- e6 j& q# d% r4 \) t' p6 T2 O
后来解 Watson的皮带(挂在链子上增大阻力)。 ; u" c" }* w. v6 r
Holmes: Don’t get excited. (汗。)
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: M' P- d0 C) y* K警官逮捕被通缉的 Holmes,看到地上推理用的画符(顺便说一句,那作案顺序实在太古典了)。
; y e/ m4 I: m, ?$ N+ V$ xLestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了,因为故事要收尾了。直到 Blackwood死亡之后,才有了新笑点。对了,决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说 Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
2 n2 @' _' e' z2 R% r话说 Watson和未婚妻 Mary向 Holmes道别,发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 + V% x( ~4 o. k$ Q& i* u
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. (吐糟 Watson) But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. (暗示 Watson放他下来。) Good afternoon, dear. (向 Mary问好。) 4 e& i5 p% h. `) e( o+ s* u
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. (淡定。)
5 \# {0 T' Y) j yHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. (再次暗示 Watson放他下来。) 7 R8 j/ S, ]# ?! x, c5 x
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?5 D* C1 Z9 C( B: N% f" n! g" E+ P2 h
Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. (淡定。)
% U1 i( Z' B$ eHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? (开始求饶。) 1 z, ~( w% I/ ~
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? (这回的吐糟是比 xxx还淡定。) 6 l7 @+ c- y9 E7 A4 {; V
Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. (看来真的挺不住了。) 6 v& g5 |& G8 V9 e% H: `2 X( m+ ~- H
Watson: Worse things have happened. (得理不饶人。) u: O3 v8 N3 B/ v) o5 z
Mary: John. (未婚妻看不下去了。) : x. U5 v: w4 _. Y4 @, J' ?; h
( Watson把 Holmes放了下来。)
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总之,这个故事讲的是 Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手 Watson,一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的 Moriarty,暗示大家还会有第二部,第三部……
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