《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

	没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。 *********** 1． 影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。 . n6 C5 \% H. `  I- _& r  `  m: oWatson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。） Holmes: I just picked it up. 0 Z, v, j& b" p5 O% c9 DWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。） Holmes: Knew I forgot something. $ I5 v# D4 Z  M5 J! JWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。） Holmes: You did. * f9 s/ i( p7 R8 u+ Y( L（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。） 8 q2 p0 C% \% j8 f. V$ qHolmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all. 9 n) U5 c- o9 b8 A8 @2． 8 m( M3 a# s* J; X宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。 4 z( K2 f% m1 o' v4 _, ]Watson: Permission to enter the armory. 4 C$ ~! W, B& ^8 GHolmes: Granted. 3. 晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。 , r, _1 T2 M& P- nWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。） 4． 拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。 * F7 @( l' h; [& m" N8 b5． , K1 Y( q! o0 u" s! YWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。 Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。） 8 L( B. M* T0 c! ?  t* _6． Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。 7． 3 O& B' x+ @& a. ^& v/ }; S, dBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。 9 I( \; T6 _4 V+ p8．   }- q) e7 z" u& R# ~$ BIrene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。 # O. V3 c; C+ q! c2 @# a（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措） 2 r# X# Z+ d; I6 n  w, lIrene: Why are you always so suspicious? 6 d, _, `, u4 iHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。） " P7 u/ V* N% ?- eIrene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope. 6 i$ @, W  Z7 T: @) w! x$ o- }9． . A; |7 S' O# iIrene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。 ) z) F. v5 E0 P9 D+ h/ h8 I+ q5 hHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。） 8 @' [, j7 X) B4 ~4 xWatson: Get that out of my face. Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand. Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face. 路人警官Clarky上场。 Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.   J1 z6 }0 E9 }0 P. @& }/ C; QHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。） 0 n+ S9 \' ~; F3 U# W得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。 . m2 T3 p0 H& D' HWatson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes? Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not. 10. 墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。 % ?* n, q, Q" y$ Y! [1 O（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。） Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely. & k2 J4 M  y* n# r4 a3 I3 KWatson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。） 11． 河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。 : `5 M9 a+ s" ]6 @4 D. x1 j& ^Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。） 3 \, T, E  B' ?& x0 M1 HBlackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it… " o7 f4 `- I! \8 QWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。） 死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。 Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。） 后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。 Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。） 12． + B9 r" q( `! e2 e7 ^4 i& o6 S) V警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。 Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing. 2 n% X& H- P9 a& l, ]13. ' f+ S  ~: A0 J. L7 J接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。 话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。 - U: K0 h& E% b5 kHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。） Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。） # ]) @* b2 d+ SHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。） Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down? Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。） 2 V. H( G! _9 AHolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。） 5 J( F) G) \8 B& K' M; e. f+ RWatson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。） Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。） Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。） Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。） （Watson把Holmes放了下来。） *********** 总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……