《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。8 S  }& h: Y7 z2 x0 Z3 C
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- w8 E( N( H3 m/ b/ u4 A' T" I2 h影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。, L  c0 W1 b3 s
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
$ O# @! y+ u* H( hHolmes: I just picked it up.
3 W6 _: `% Y' I7 {' nWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）: W& v0 }  S/ n6 U; J! U7 Y  R: k; r
Holmes: Knew I forgot something.( j8 H# j( _0 x8 u/ }$ {
Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）
3 D3 a- s  B2 ~Holmes: You did.7 k/ }( Q* Q1 b4 O, x* ^& ]' Z
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）7 z5 X  l, q, `( y
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.
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, P. w( e; _- U3 F9 }宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。; a# |1 `4 a# W) I5 C( N, Z+ M" I
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.& `+ p- n* F* G, V
Holmes: Granted.# ], m9 V2 ~5 D
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6 M- B2 o- i( O2 W晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。! x% d, [( j) n% H. c
Watson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）
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; D& c+ P7 l6 A# u; ^  y+ F4 X拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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- c5 r, r4 Q, G' ^5 EWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
8 |# ^* q& ~% ]8 W4 e! \Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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7 Q3 a8 e/ b) J4 L3 j6 D& nHolmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。8 l* w& x7 T( i# H# D0 Y4 t
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+ t! r. J) M  G0 {9 {$ A2 zBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。) [( H5 v& L9 n* t# l7 N  ]9 g0 p2 [
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。
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/ @" j, K/ _' d% ^9 ZIrene: Why are you always so suspicious?
$ h& l* p  E( f! T4 GHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）- \! b5 f1 G' P+ Y* e7 @5 @2 N
Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.% `& B- ]3 f: O+ O
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
5 W  x) n8 L9 F# z/ j: _Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
0 ~0 F6 z5 G& }" d, I; ]3 U: e: DWatson: Get that out of my face., P/ c4 W4 Z' l. J9 A
Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.! A7 ~4 C7 {/ @
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.: M! r6 W. d3 m/ s
路人警官Clarky上场。: w+ k+ N* G) T$ O* Z
Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once./ ?! P/ |2 S& a' T# M* S8 X9 F
Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）
9 o* H; ]) T: S- ~得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。- I' ]4 }' E5 C8 ?$ U( G
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?- ?1 |+ N4 a* M+ q! ]
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
! z! M$ G) X" Q, V8 U9 O（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
) }( Q6 K" Z: `2 i7 VHolmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.
: P3 }8 X9 a5 G9 @Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。# h, \0 k2 o8 Y8 b; A# D9 a
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）$ z: \( E+ b1 }# W: f, h
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…
4 g' W7 E* c0 e( B. I* c/ G9 ?0 K1 c3 kWatson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）4 N5 y( A8 k2 }6 N/ I9 R% M
死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。
+ i! u6 ?6 \) OHolmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）# U+ ^: P; i. ~7 D8 K) E- h' o
后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。
+ {8 w( \+ _9 y% s9 YHolmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）3 D9 \/ E6 A! S$ C; L; T6 m
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警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。* ?- g" K, G& K/ R; _
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。& r- N8 N9 v2 S  t  w- c4 {6 z
话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。
$ I+ w" |( i/ w) Z  m% K  G: AHolmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）* I& {; a4 ]2 j: h6 V& M1 a
Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
7 J: L' ?4 @# i+ ?2 P6 GHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）* e: G; Y' R( Z4 n4 o
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
9 }6 B8 j3 k" Q, D. yWatson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）* q  N$ N& j( ~- a
Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）( E  G2 x1 F/ b( }# a& C
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
/ b% c4 t, l. yHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）
. g7 k. m7 t% B. f- UWatson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）6 h. Q) `$ ?6 e  `6 x; y1 \% {8 x& M
Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）
, z4 A8 K% C' q, |（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）% Q7 u, R' c- M2 Y* Y
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, q0 `/ w7 H6 T! U" r总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……