《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。" H" L  M4 @4 t4 g) n
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0 k9 Y- T; H: M4 \1 F影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。; F: J1 h0 G. ~4 ^, b
Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）
* G6 z) K0 P# J5 Q9 H& xHolmes: I just picked it up.
' s. I( f, ]9 W: ^% z( lWatson: You remember your revolver? （显然没有。）
8 }7 `+ ?" \# O) x( K' ~3 aHolmes: Knew I forgot something.
' A# A) \& N/ z' i5 R  X6 l/ u& AWatson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）# e7 ~# s. x: j6 V
Holmes: You did.; t! i+ N- W: B+ o" z
（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）4 p0 J! C6 {9 J3 O
Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.1 t  J2 [1 Y- J2 n
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$ B, [! L' m* U$ O& k8 r7 v% a宅了N久的Holmes在实验手枪消音器（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧），枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。' ]) C7 O1 w% g+ u
Watson: Permission to enter the armory.! _  v$ i3 v& z) D& o7 R
Holmes: Granted.) k$ r# u! D) T6 O% R
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晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。
7 K! V; |2 \8 W* L# TWatson: Well done, old boy. （潜台词：very mature。）/ ^; m2 Q' a! }1 A6 Y
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' S( m' k; j+ q: |+ B# d' q拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。
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% t# ?+ P- y( o2 L6 eWatson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。
2 l' U2 W  O- v1 G# [Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）
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Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord忽悠。
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' F) s. e4 ~: U5 l# b1 C( I& Y) vBlackwood死前的遗言是地球人都知道的一句电影台词。
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Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。& o  d, w2 O3 |1 I* n2 a# @
（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）& b: e3 o9 x4 V! K) ^& B1 t' c
Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?
3 e$ X" x8 U* e, {( P% EHolmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）
# C. N/ s  u& c. e! B4 _4 ~Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.6 v5 w6 e6 ~% `( R, s2 m4 o
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Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。
" d5 B( r, e( ~/ R- O( JHolmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）
% _' ~( A, m1 u# K! |Watson: Get that out of my face.
; I# v2 C! @0 p) t9 jHolmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.- D& B6 y! U5 ?: V$ h7 c
Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.
. v3 m) S# D2 O1 F- O8 r路人警官Clarky上场。
, p3 h2 v/ T; J2 nClarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.
6 p* l/ Q7 x0 A( Q; zHolmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）( j, K. E  F  K# ?; }' s$ u# G+ C8 ]
得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。# H- q) n0 @! r3 K  ^
Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?. d. M7 Y! _2 P; O  @& U# ^2 ~
Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.
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4 g. [7 J' Q1 q, i) o墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。
3 a; G8 h: K" p* T% d（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）
1 [& K5 R" |; F/ v3 P, `Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.$ [2 A' Y" _# p: F1 i
Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）
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河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。, G6 N) @0 `3 R/ z# y
Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）7 @. K6 j; J3 F# @! u( H6 u  B: m  S
Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…8 y5 N+ s- P5 h: k6 T4 m
Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）
+ |- d) F4 W) D0 V: q死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。: q, a9 _( ]6 V, i! Z9 B
Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）
1 z) |  D' t' I. P* j! s后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。, r5 @, y2 e% m4 H& ^! ?- r5 C
Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）# F7 x* b! }0 w+ d* k2 q. v
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) v! [- k) S0 B  e警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。5 k+ Y" ~; f4 e" M; \$ G- o/ S
Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.
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接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。
* }' ^" C2 R3 X  b; ~/ y/ Z, R& x话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。8 B, H0 k5 L* M- [" n: i
Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）
, N3 V8 N! L2 q+ E7 S: @0 U5 O- GWatson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）
! c' ^: u. h* ]2 N  s! j' WHolmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）& a% g8 ]# k) o7 E/ _+ e
Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?
/ w/ Z6 n  i9 B0 [: i- @Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）
3 g  u% a+ ?! THolmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）  Z$ k, {" k& f) r) p
Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟是比xxx还淡定。）
  M' V0 A. z. F8 A5 f7 {5 `" t/ OHolmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）4 c  B9 ?6 P: {' C
Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）
7 X; j) q6 w+ I0 xMary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）9 T9 W9 \! w. V) ?# s- u1 ?
（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）' B2 P8 a) W2 h; U. P8 S2 ~$ D
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: g8 V. `) Z# n6 ]0 n总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……